Chapter 4

Hearts of Steel

Rick heard a fly buzzing around his ear and opened his eyes to see the sun shinning into the cave. He wiped his eyes and looked over to see a fresh fire going but didn't see Michonne. He sat up and looked around the cave but she wasn't there.

He heard a rustling from outside the cave and saw her shadow before she appeared at the entrance.

"Hey." She said dragging in two long sticks.

She walked in and stood them against the wall.

"You sleep okay?"

Rick sighed and wiped his eyes.

"Yeah, I was pretty tired." He answered standing up.

"You see anything?" He asked pulling on his boots.

"Just trees, sand, and a lot water." Michonne said as she pulled the sailor's knife out to inspect the blade.

Michonne couldn't get what he said last night out of her head. She thought about it all morning and wanted to ask him about it but she knew he wouldn't remember it and it would just make this situation awkward. She tried to forget it but couldn't seem to shake it. The whole thing seem to bring back feelings she thought she'd gotten over a long time ago.

She was determined not to make more of it than what was there. She prided herself in keeping her emotions in check and though her feelings ran deep for him she wasn't about to take another leap, especially for something he said in his sleep. No, she decided to put it out of her head and go on as if last night never happened.

"I was thinking we should try and take a look at the rest of this island before it gets too hot." Rick offered with a lifted eyebrow.

"Yeah, that's a good idea. You should eat something first." Michonne suggested stepping outside to inspect her sword.

Rick watched as she stood directly outside of the cave.

They began walking down the path and towards the other side of the island. As they got closer they could see huge hills and deep cravess in the direction they were headed.

"That's a lot of climbing." Michonne surmised as they got to the edge of one of the hills.

"Yeah, we could go around but it'll take longer. If we can get up high enough we can see what's on the other side. You up for it?" Rick asked looking over at her.

Michonne lifted an eyebrow and smiled.

"Sure." She said and began to walk up the hill.

They moved from one hill to another, climbing the parts that didn't have paths to the top. They carefully avoided the huge cravesses that went so deep into the hills that they couldn't see the bottom. Before long they approached the tallest hill they'd seen. It was very steep with no path to walk it. They'd have to climb.

Michonne sighed looking up the behemouth and put her hands on her hips. Rick bit his bottom lip looking up at the same problematic view.

"We could see if there's a way around." He said looking to the side and seeing more of the tall hill.

"This doesn't look safe. That's a long fall to the ground."

"It's worth the risk if it saves a few hours trying to get around it." She countered, wanting to get where they were going as fast as possible.

"You sure?" He asked and she nodded.

Rick watched as she secured her katana strap across her shoulder and began to climb. He started up after her when he realized the sand embeded in the mount was looser than it appeared. There were roots to grab on to but the sand fell all over him. They climbed until they reached the top. At last, Rick climbed over the ledge and saw Michonne lying down on her back out of breath. He too had exerted a lot of energy and needed a minute to recover.

Rick heard water from the other side and went over to look.

"Michonne." He called standing over the pit of water.

Michonne walked over to see what he was looking at. There in the midst of the grassy plateau was a huge pit filled with shimmering water. It was surrounded by a few big boulders and large trees. Golden threads of sun light twinkled off the surface of the water causing and iridescent effect that flowed along the walls of shrubbery and trees.

They both stood there stunned at the enchanting sight.

"This doesn't make sense." Rick said cautiously walking towards the pit and looking in.

It was the size of a small pool and the water was so clear that he could see the sand and vines at the bottom.

Michonne looked at the light moving across his troubled face.

"What doesn't make sense?" She asked looking around again and then over into the pit.

"Why is this here?" He inquired cautiosly looking around

Michonne shook her head. She was dirty and tired and really didn't care how this God-sent place came to be. She was running low on energy and the sand that caked her hair line was irritating her to the edge of her sanity.

"I'm getting in." She decided walking to the other end of the pit.

"What?"

Michonne let out a long sigh.

"Look, I'm not trying to make this weird or anything but I have dirt, sand, green stuff, and dried blood on me and I need a damn bath." She declared with widened eyes as she pulled her katana over and off her shoulder.

Rick watched as she glared at him with an urksome expression. He was speechless as she kicked off her boots and began to unbuckle her belt. Out of habbit, he turned and looked away.

Michonne saw him turn and couldn't help feeling a little annoyed by the awkwardness he was creating.

"Rick, if I'm making you uncomfortable go stand watch or something."

He flinched his face at what she said and the way she said it.

"I'm not uncomfortable, Michonne. I was being polite." He said turning towards her and doing his best to keep his eyes on her head as she relieved herself of her pants.

"Polite? We've known each other for almost three years and you act like I'm some strange old lady you just met outside of church." Michonne cracked at him while pulling off her vest.

"What the hell is that supposed to mean?" His head tilted at her.

Rick's fought the urge until she pulled her shirt over her head and he caught a glimpse of her breast tightly cupped in a lacy red bra. He quickly looked back at her eyes and switched his stance. Michonne slowly stepped into the water. He watched as her perfectly toned body disappeared beneath it.

When she finally resurfaced, she used both hands to pull her wet hair back out of her eyes. Gleaming water poured down her face, neck, and chest as she opened her mouth and her bottom lip quivered.

"Ooo...Cold." Michonne said between clenched teeth.

She was thankful it wasn't as cold as the ocean was that night. The temperature was more like a swimming pool. Still, it felt great to get that sticky gritty feeling off of her. She took a deep breath and dunked herself in the water again. When she came up she saw Rick still looking at her with a disapproving expression.

"'What do you mean?" He insisted.

Michonne wiped her face again and looked up at him.

"I mean that look you're giving me right now, Rick. Why do you get so uptight around me?"

Rick thought about it and shook his head.

"I don't get uptight around you." He said defensively.

Rick was offended by the notion. How could he be uptight around her, he spent more time with her than anyone else, he thought to himself. Michonne could see from his expression that he didn't get it.

"Really, you don't get uptight around me? And if Daryl were here, instead of me, would you be looking at him as if he just stripped in front of an elementary class?" She asked standing up with the water from the pit reaching her chest.

Rick looked up and shook his head at her insinuation. He did treat her different but it wasn't because he was uncomfortable around her. He watch as she turned her attention to moving around in the water. She flipped onto her back as her body leveled out on the surface. Her red bra made two perfectly rounded bowls as they pertruded through the top water. His face twisted in confusion as he watched her legs roughly kick at the water. He scoffed and shook his head as her body started to sink.

Finally, he bent over to take off his boots and unbuckled his belt surprising Michonne as she turned to look at him. When he unzipped his pants and pulled them down with something that resembled authority, her eyes ran down his lean muscular legs. She quickly looked away trying desperately not to blush. Damn... was the only word that popped in her head.

Rick tilted his head.

"Oh now who's uncomfortable?" He shot an accusing eye at her as he pulled his shirt over his head.

Michonne couldn't help but laugh at the hypocricy. She knew he was right and now she understood how he felt. She'd never seen him this... bare before. He still moved the same, it was still Rick, but she'd never seen him like this. Good grief Michonne, get a grip... she told herself. It's not like this is the first time you've looked at. She began to laugh again amazed at how girly she felt.

"What's so funny?" Rick asked as he slipped into the chilled water.

"Nothing, it's just that you're right and I apologize." She gave a smile as she watched him carefully navigate his way over to her.

Rick nodded, accepting her apology. He moved closer to her and dipped his head in the water. The wet sand and vines beneath his feet reminded him of a lake he use to go to whe he was a kid.

"I thought you said red wasn't your color." He questioned, combing his fingers back through his wet hair.

Michonne thought back to what she said at the docks.

"Well, I lied. Every color is my color." She answered moving her arms around.

Rick looked at her and nodded again as they moved around each other in the water.

"It's not so bad once you get used to it."

"Feels good, right? All that dirt on my skin and hair was driving me crazy. I think I'm just used to being clean again." Michonne said.

"Come here." Rick insisted motioning for her to come to him with his opened hand.

Michonne tilted her head unsure of what he wanted but went to him. She put her hand in his, still wondering what he meant to do.

"Lay back." He urged and gestured at her with his head.

This confused her even more, she started to ask why when he moved to her side and lifted one of her legs in the water. Before she knew it she was floating in the water with Rick holding her legs and back.

"Everyone can swim, it's just natural. Some people are so afraid of drowning they fight with the water instead of moving with it." He explained.

He felt her body tense as the water hit her ears. Her instinct was to kick and she tried to turn over but he pulled her closer to him.

"Just relax, I have you." Rick winced at the water splashed in his face from the commotion.

Michonne could feel her heart pounding in her chest. She wanted to trust him but every inch of her body wanted to grab onto the ledge. She pressed her lips tightly togther determined not to panic.

"Michonne, breathe." He implored seeing the distress on her face.

She closed her eyes and enhaled deeply through her nose and out through her mouth. The water suddenly seemed cold again. Her body began to shiver but she continued to breath and trust him.

"You have to move through the water not fight it." He said as he slowly began to move her through the water.

His voice was reassuring and calm. She slowed her breathing and began to relax.

"That's it, good. Now move your feet with the water not at it."

Rick felt the small muscles in her legs move as her feet slowly swayed back and forth.

He nodded. "That's great, yeah. Now do the same thing with your hands. Let the water flow between your fingers."

He watched as her limbs and face became less tense. Extending her out a little more, he used the tips of his fingers to hold her up while she floated. He tried his best to ignore the way the water surged around her cupped breast and the way the sun glistened on her creamy brown stomach and thighs. He focused his attention on her eyes which were lightly closed as if she were sleeping. He took a deep breath as he slowly shifted her through the water.

"I'm not uncomfortable around you." He said, gradually turning and sliding her through the water.

"What?"

"You said it twice. Once in the truck and once here. I'm not uncomfortable around you. I would've thought you knew that but..." He shook his head.

"I just thought you knew."

Michonne continued to sway her feet and hands in the water. She didn't realize she'd used the word uncomfortable both times. She opened her eyes to look up at the speckled light shining through the leaves above her.

"I didn't mean it that way yesterday. Things were changing for us in Alexandria. I know you're still working things out with what happened with Lori. Someday, eventually, you're going to square that. You'll have to and then you'll be ready to move on... move forward with that part of your life."

Rick stopped, it was strange hearing her say Lori's name. They'd never talked about her before and he guessed Carl had given her insight to what'd happened.

"What do you mean 'move forward'?"

Michonne laughed.

"Rick, everyone needs someone. We all get lonely, it's natural."

Michonne sighed and just wanted to get it out.

"I didn't want to be in the way, Rick. We've been out there for so long we forgot how things function in a real society. There, people have homes, lawns, children, husbands or wives or...lovers, whatever, but they're doing what people do in a community to move forward. It's always been that way. It took a while for me to understand why she was asking but the fact is that our little dysfunctional family is clinging to one another. I know it's to keep each other safe but it's not normal and it's not moving forward."

"You were thinking about all that, no wonder you couldn't sleep." Rick said as he began to move her again.

"I was thinking about you." She admitted. "You're going to want someone eventually and me being there will just complicate things. There are other houses and it's not like I'd be leaving town or anything. I'd be right there just not in the house."

Rick scoffed and shook his head.

"Not in the house, not in the way, not normal..." He repeated her own words back to her.

"It sounds like you're the one that's uncomfortable, 'Chonne."

Michonne's eyes shot over at him as he abruptly dropped her legs and lifted her back for her to stand. She steadied herself in the water as they locked eyes. Michonne was baffled by his words and demeanor. She had laid her feelings out there and he just threw them back in her face.

Rick tilted his head seeing the confused and angry look on her face.

"If you want to leave that's fine, I won't stop you, but don't act like you're doing it for me, or Carl, or anyone but yourself." Rick contended in his thick southern accent.

"You're leaving because "this ain't the way society works...", bullshit!" Rick said mocking her voice and throwing an angry look at her.

"Did it ever cross your mind that maybe we're the way society works now. We survived out there in the real world while they're hiding behind their walls with their lawns and houses and lemonade. It's only a matter of time before the future comes knockin at their gates. They need us to show them how to move forward not the other way around, Michonne!"

"And everytime we get settled somewhere you always find a reason to run away." Rick made an angry gesture with his hand as he turned away from her.

Michonne jerked her head and furrowed her brow.

"Run away?" She asked wondering what the hell he was talking about.

Rick turned back towards her and nodded his head.

"Yeah, run away. Back at the prison, every chance you got and now you're doing it again. You know damn well you don't care about what that woman thinks, you're just using it as an excuse to... leave." Rick's voice cracked as he glared at her.

Michonne stared at him in amazement. He'd never spoken to her this like this but it was obvious that he'd been feeling this way for a while. She couldn't deny there was a bit of truth to what he said and for a moment she tried to understand for herself why she left.

She shook her head.

"I wasn't running, Rick, I was looking for the gov..." Before she could finish she saw him tilt his head and give her that look that said he knew she was bullshitting.

Michonne narrowed her eyes at him and took a deep breath. Rick straightened his stance and clenched his jaw. A long silence prevailed as they glared at one another.

Finally, with a slight shake of the head she asked.

"What do you want?"

Rick's eyes flinched at her question.

"I want to know why you keep running. Are you running from me?"

"No! I just...ugh." Michonne, suddenly frustrated by the questions she'd avoided asking herself, turned and started for the edge of the pit.

She wanted out and to go back to their ritual of being profound friends with complex undertones of sexual tension. She could deal with that but this... All she wanted to do was take a damn bath, she thought to herself as she swished through the water and pulled her wet hair back out of her face.

She felt his hand touch her shoulder, she stopped and looked down his hand. The emotions swirling in her stomach began to erupt in her throat and she squeezed her eyes shut to keep them in.

"You're doing it again, you're running away." Rick said in a low voice gently squeezing her shoulder.

Michonne felt the tears sting her eyes and quickly covered her face with her hands. She took a deep breath wiped her face and turned to face him.

"I don't want to leave, Rick. I don't want to run away and be alone. But that's how I feel sometimes... alone, lonely." She said looking to the side and then back at him.

Rick squinted his face.

"With me?"

Michonne shrugged and nodded. He enhailed deeply and his eyes trailed off to the small ripples of water that rolled between them. It took him by surprise to hear she felt this way. He thought back on their many conversations and the way they'd enteracted with each other and realized it was because he never came out and said it.

"You're not alone." He said taking her hand and pulling her towards him.

Michonne sighed and nodded as he pulled her to him. She took a deep breath as he wrapped his arms around her shoulders and gave her a hug. She gently laid her head on injured shoulder and hugged him back.

"My grandpa called it hearts of steel."

Michonne furrowed her brow as they continued to hug.

"What's that?"

"Well, it's kinda like you and me. We don't always tell the people we love what we're thinking, instead, we show them how we feel. He told me that having it causes problems because everyone's used to saying what they feel. When you don't say it, no matter how what you're willing to do for them, sometimes they don't know." Rick gestured with his hands.

"They don't know how much you love them." He said looking down at the back of her head.

He pulled out of the hug and looked at her face.

"I don't want you to leave." He said as his heart began to pound.

Michonne took a hold of his hand as he wiped the tears from her chin. She gave a warm smile and a nod of the head.

"I'm not going to." She said closing her eyes.

Rick nodded, glad they'd gotten that straight. He moved closer to her while closing his hand around hers. Michonne opened her eyes and jerked her head back seeing him so close. She furrowed her brow and saw the edges of his mouth curl into a smile before he leaned in and pressed his lips to hers.

It was a soft but yearning kiss and as Michonne kissed him back she could feel his arms slide around her waist. She could hear her heart thumping in her chest as a tingling sensation moved down her face. She slid her hands up both his arms and around his neck.

Suddenly there was a loud noise that shook them both from their kiss. They both recognized the sound right a way. It was a gun shot, and it came from the direction they'd traveled from.

"The hell?" Rick said as he moved passed Michonne and to the edge.

He pulled himself out of the pit and turned around to help pull Michonne out. They began to quickly throw their clothes on when another shot rang out and two more.

"It's gotta be the sailors." Michonne guessed as she zipped up her pants and grabbed her katana.

"Yeah." Rick agreed grabbing his shirt as he followed Michonne out of the pathway with his belt still undone.