Ok, so no excuses. I haven't updated this story in about a hundred years. Biggest case of writers block in history. I'm not making any promises about this story or when I'll update again. All I know is that I missed you all terribly, I missed writing, and I really missed Happy and Sarah. I know in my heart they have a lot more story to tell.

Please go back and read the story from the beginning if you need to remember what the hell was going on since the last update. I know I had to :)

Truly, truly, love you guys. Thanks to everyone who has taken time to review and who in turn motivated me to keep going. As always, I really hope you like it and please review!

Chapter 4

Sarah was sitting at her desk, listening to music on her headphones and processing a pile of insurance forms, when she felt a hand clamp down on her shoulder.

"Jesus!" She whirled around in her chair as fast as she could, gasping as she pulled the headphones out of her ears while simultaneously slapping away the touch.

Her boss took a quick step back, looking just as startled as she did. "I'm sorry, sweetheart. I didn't mean to frighten you. I said your name a couple times, but I guess you didn't hear me."

Sarah took a few seconds to slow her breathing before shaking her head and offering a small, apologetic smile. "No, I'm sorry, Mr. Blakely. I'm just…I don't know, jumpy, I guess. I shouldn't have had my earbuds in. Did you need something?"

He nodded his head towards the clock hanging on the wall, showing that it was seventeen minutes past six. "Just wanted to tell you that it's time to go home for the day."

She nodded up to the older man. "Oh, sorry, I guess it is. I'm just going to finish putting these forms in the system. It shouldn't take long. I'll lock up tonight."

Mr. Blakely gave her a friendly smile. "Well don't stay too late. It's Friday. Go out and have some fun." He grabbed his coat and briefcase and headed for the door, but paused for a moment before turning back to face her. "Are you sure you're alright?"

Sarah forced a bright smile and nodded. "Absolutely. Have a great weekend, sir. I'll see you Monday."

As soon as the door slammed shut and she was completely alone, Sarah turned back to her desk, let her forehead fall down onto the stack of papers in front of her, and sighed. Damn it, Sarah. It's been three weeks. Pull it together. It's over. It's over. It's over…

The first few days after the attack had been the hardest; jumping every time the phone rang because she thought it would be the police, faking an illness to take time off work, and convincing her well-meaning but overbearing mother that the bruises on her face were the result of tripping over an extension cord instead of being slammed against concrete.

But after the first week passed by and her bruises began to fade, getting through each day got easier. Sure, she still slept with the light on, and triple checked all the locks on her windows, and hadn't eaten a decent meal, and felt crippled by the weight of her fear and guilt...but she was fine. She was safe. She knew that. She only had to repeat it silently to herself about a hundred times a day to believe it.

But for the most part, and especially around other people, Sarah was able to bury it all down and wish it away. At least she was until moments like this, when she was surprised or startled by an unexpected sound or touch, and the fear comes raging back up to the surface.

Sarah shook away the shadows in her mind long enough to finish up her work and turn off all the lights in the office. Then she threw on her jacket, slung her purse over her shoulder, and walked to the door, making sure it was locked before quickly heading to the parking garage. Then she got into her car, turned on the radio, and headed home.

Sarah thought tonight would be just like every other. She would go inside, force down some dinner, distract herself with a mindless TV show, and eventually try to will her body to sleep. But those plans changed the moment she pulled into her driveway, climbed out of her car, and made her way up the short path to her porch.

Because that was the moment she finally noticed him standing there.

Sarah couldn't hide the surprise from her voice, nor could she deny the small smile that fell upon her lips as she said his name. "Benny?"

Happy had been anxiously sitting on her front steps for nearly an hour, but he stood up the second her shitty little car pulled up to the house. And as soon as he saw her face he inhaled deeply, feeling as though it was the first time in three weeks he could truly breathe.

He had no idea if Sarah would ever want to see him again, certain that a part of her would just see him as a reminder of something she probably wanted to forget. So his entire body sagged in relief when she met his eyes and smiled.

He'd almost forgotten how much he liked the sound of her voice. "What are you doing here?"

Hap ran a hand over his cleanly shaven head and swallowed back all the words he knew he couldn't say. I'm here because I can't stop thinking about you. Because I can still feel how soft your hair was on my fingers when I held you against my chest. Because I've mixed my colors while trying to sketch you, but I can never get the exact right shade of your eyes. Because I can't fuck another woman without turning my head and picturing you. Because I left you here alone after you were assaulted and I worry about you until I feel sick. Because I have absolute control over everything in my life except for the way I feel about you. Because I just couldn't stay away.

But instead of all that, he just took a small breath and shrugged his shoulders. "I was just wondering if that offer for dinner is still on the table?"

Hap waited for her to unlock the front door before following her inside into the small living room. "Um, can you just give me a sec to change out of my work clothes? I'll be right back."

He watched her disappear up the small flight of stairs, hiding his grin when he saw the nervous smile she had on her face. Then he took a couple of minutes to look around the house.

It was funny, because he barely knew her, but somehow Happy thought that the room he was standing in looked so much like Sarah. The walls were a shade of white that reminded him of a pearl; almost iridescent with the slightest glow of pink where the lamp light fell. And the sofa that sat in front of the TV was beige and oversized, with a thick white throw blanket draped over one corner. The fluffy rug in the center of the room looked comfortable enough to sleep on, and the shelves and the walls were filled with candles, books, and art prints that made the whole space just feel lived in. It was cozy and sweet and girly, but in a grown up way. It was Sarah.

He took a few steps towards the couch and ran his fingertips absentmindedly over the material for a few minutes before he turned to see Sarah coming back down the steps. The dress shirt and skirt she had been wearing were gone, replaced by faded skinny jeans and a silky pink tank top that draped loosely away from her frame. She had taken her hair out of her pony tail, so that it hung down just to the very top of her collar bone, and it looked like she had put just a tiny bit of gloss on her perfect, full lips.

She got to the base of the stairs before meeting his eyes, and when she caught him staring, she wasn't the only one that blushed. "So, uh…the kitchen's this way. Do you want something to drink?"

As she walked passed him and barely brushed her shoulder against his chest, he took in a breath and had to fight the urge to sigh. She was wearing the same perfume that she had worn the night they met; something expensive and delicate that smelled like a mixture of soap, and apples, and flowers after a rainstorm. It was so different than what the croweaters usually drowned themselves in; body sprays that were too sweet, too strong, and too cheap. Sarah just smelled clean and soft and feminine. It almost made him dizzy.

He followed her into the kitchen, which was mostly white except for the pale sky blue on the walls. Then he sat down in one of the two dining chairs that surrounded the small round table, and tried unsuccessfully to look away from the way her ass filled out her jeans as she leaned down to look in the refrigerator.

When she glanced back at him over her shoulder, he quickly averted his eyes. "Ok, I have chardonnay, pinot grigio, and a rose…" He barely shook his head and she grinned. "Not much of a wine drinker, huh?" She gave him a small, sweet smile before turning back to the fridge. "Other than that I have coke, pomegranate juice, a Heineken that's been sitting in here since the day I moved in four years ago, and a bottle of Jack Daniels that someone gave me for Christmas last year but I've never opened because I think it's disgusting."

When she turned to look at him again, Hap almost grinned and nodded. "Jack and coke sounds good."

He thanked her for the drink she handed him before watching as she poured herself a glass of white wine and drank a couple of nervous gulps. Then she took a deep breath and shook her head before turning quickly back to the refrigerator. "Oh, right. Dinner. Uh…I wasn't, you know, expecting anyone, so I don't have a bunch of groceries." He was about to tell her not to worry about it, that they both knew he didn't really come there for the food, but before he could she pulled a container out of the freezer and smiled. "How about some pasta puttanesca?"

Hap just shrugged. "I have no idea what that is."

Sarah smiled. "It's a tomato sauce with olives and garlic and capers and stuff. It's really good, I promise."

The corners of his mouth turned slightly upward. "If you promise."

They didn't say much to each other during the short time it took Sarah to heat up the sauce, boil the pasta, and throw a loaf of frozen garlic bread into the oven. But Happy didn't find the silence to be awkward…more like comfortable. But when everything was on the table and she placed a full plate in front of him, he broke the quiet with thoughtful "Thank you."

Sarah chewed on her lower lip as she watched him take his first bite. "So? What do you think?"

Hap almost sighed before he swallowed and nodded. "It's really good. You made this?"

A relieved smile crossed her lips. "Yeah, thanks. I mean, it's not hard or anything. It's just pasta sauce, but I'm glad you like it."

Happy wasn't used to home cooking anymore, especially since his mom passed away, so he ate slowly and took his time savoring every bite. It wasn't until he was almost finished that something occurred to him. "Does this have any meat in it?"

Sarah shook her head. "Oh, no. It has some anchovy paste, but that's it. I don't cook with meat, or eat it for that matter. I'm a vegetarian actually."

Hap almost choked on the whiskey he'd just swallowed, and before he could stop himself, the words just came out. "Why the fuck would you do that to yourself?"

For a split second he worried he might have offended her, but his frown was replaced by a grin when she started laughing.

Sarah felt lighter than she had in ages. Just sitting there with Benny making small talk was the best time she'd had in as long as she could remember. Well, I guess I'm making small talk and he's just sitting there listening to me, but he doesn't look bored yet, so I guess that's something.

Their conversation was random and mostly one sided, but it felt really good to talk to someone who seemed genuinely interested in what she had to say. She told Benny that she became a vegetarian in college after watching some god awful documentary about factory farming. She told him that she majored in business because her parents wanted her to, even though it always bored her to tears. She told him about her older sister, Rachel, who she loved even though they drove each other insane. And then somehow she even ended up telling him that she hated drinking coffee, even though coffee was her favorite ice cream flavor.

At some point Sarah saw the amused look on his face and frowned. "I feel like I'm rambling. Am I rambling?"

She could see the way he tried to hide his smile. "A little. But I don't mind."

Sarah brushed a lock of dark brown hair behind her ears and huffed out a laugh at herself before looking back at Benny. "Ok, Mr. Tall, Dark, and Quiet, how about you tell me something about yourself now?"

He leaned back in his chair and shrugged. "What do you want to know?"

Sarah wished she had to guts to ask him what she really wanted to. Why are you here? Do you think about that night as much as I do? Do you hate me for making you hurt that man? Do you still see his face when you close your eyes? Because I do…every time.

She blinked her eyes a couple of times, pushing all those questions back down for another day, before looking back to Benny's face. She didn't have to be a genius to see that he didn't really like to talk about himself, so she tried to think of something harmless to ask. "Where do you work?"

"A repair shop in Charming, up in San Joaquin county. I'm a mechanic."

"You don't live in Bakersfield?"

"Not since I was 18."

"So what's Charming like?"

"Small."

Sarah couldn't help but grin. A man of many words. "Well…what do you do for fun?"

Benny blew out a breath and leaned forward, placing his folded arms on the table. "I don't know…" He paused for a second, as if he was deciding what exactly to say. But when he finally spoke, the look on his face seemed like he was about to share a secret. "I draw."

She softly smiled. Of all the things she expected the big, intimidating man sitting across from her to say, that wasn't it. "Really? What do like to draw?"

He seemed to recognize the sincere curiosity in her voice, because his shoulders noticeably relaxed as his eyes slightly brightened. "Anything. Everything. Whatever inspires me that day."

Sarah couldn't hide the admiration in her voice. "I've always envied artistic people. I can't even draw stick figures." When he almost grinned, she smiled. "I'd love to see them someday, your sketches, if you'd let me."

A long beat passed between them, with just his warm brown eyes staring into her dark blues, before he nodded so slightly it was almost imperceptible. "Sure."

Sarah found herself a little lost in the intensity of the moment and suddenly looked away, clearing her throat to break whatever tension had blossomed between them. "So…uh, what else do you like to do with your time?"

That amused smile of his briefly flickered across his face again, and she just knew he could sense how nervous she was. But then he seemed to take pity on her, shrugging his shoulders and leaning back slightly away from her. "I spend most of my time on my bike."

Her eyes widened slightly as her brows arched upwards. "Bike, like a motorcycle, bike?"

When he nodded, a small shiver went up her spine, causing him to flash a questioning stare. "What? You don't like motorcycles?"

"I've never been on one."

Benny grinned at the incredulous look on her face. "Why not?"

She stared at him like that was the craziest question she'd ever heard. "Because they're death traps."

His grin widened. "Excuse me?"

"I work for an insurance company. Trust me. I know. Death traps."

This time it was Benny who started laughing.

When they were both finished eating Sarah started to clear the table, smiling up at Benny when he wordlessly helped her put the dishes in the sink. Then she made them each another drink before leading them back to the living room, where they both sat down on the sofa.

She settled back in the cushions, surprisingly relaxed, and wondered it if was because of the second glass of wine or the man sitting just a few inches away from her. He's so quiet, but so sweet. It wasn't just the things he said that had made her smile that night…it was all the things he didn't say. Those nearly unrecognizable smiles and playful, thoughtful glances all left the impression that there was so much hiding beneath the surface. There was so much more she wanted to know about him.

She grinned as she snuck a peek at his profile before sipping some more of her wine. The sight of him on her couch, surrounded by soft lighting and warm colors, made him seem a little less imposing…I don't know…smaller, younger somehow….She couldn't stop herself from studying him. His skin was a gorgeous tan, at least the parts of it that weren't covered in colorful, intricate tattoos. His jaw was chiseled and his body was strong, evident by the muscles she could see occasionally tensing underneath his plain white t-shirt. And the way he carried himself seemed somehow casual and dangerous and inviting all at the same time. Sarah knew she'd been completely out of it the night they met, but in that moment it felt like she was seeing him for the very first time. How could I not remember how handsome he is…

"Uh…Sarah?"

When she heard his deep, raspy voice say her name and saw the laughter behind his eyes, she knew she'd been caught staring. Oh, shit. She could feel the heat on her skin as she blushed furiously. Then, trying to think of a way to cover, she quickly stared down at his arms. "Sorry, I was, um, just looking at your tattoos. They're really beautiful."

Benny grinned to himself before turning his body a little more towards hers. "Thanks."

"I don't remember noticing them that night…" She stopped midsentence and looked down at her hands. It was the first time either of them had brought up the night they met…the night of the attack. But now that it was out there, she knew they couldn't avoid it any longer.

She looked into his eyes, comforted by the concern she saw staring back. "It's weird, because I know it was almost a month ago, but sometimes it feels like it happened yesterday."

Benny swallowed and nodded, his voice quiet but strong. "Are you ok?"

She hated the way her hands started to tremble. "I'm fine…" But the look he gave her said he knew she was lying. Sarah looked away from him and blinked the moisture from her eyes. "I mean, I'm mostly fine. It's just…" She tried to think of the right thing to say without sounding like an idiot, but when she opened her mouth, everything just came streaming out. "Nobody knows, you know? No one. So I go to work, and visit my mom, and hang out with my friends, and see my sister, and I carry this thing with me; this awful thing that happened, that I just can't get out of my head. And I get almost angry because I want them to see me." She couldn't stop her voice from cracking. "I want them to see how I'm different, how it's changed me, changed everything. But they don't. All their worlds just go on spinning the exact same way, while mine is completely upended. I mean, how do they not see it?"

Sarah didn't even realize she'd started crying until Benny reached forward to cradle her face in his hands, brushing away her tears with his thumbs. But after a few seconds, she took a long slow breath and pulled away. "God, that made no sense. I'm sorry. I'm such a basket case. I know I sound stupid. I know I need to just get over it."

She expected him to look at her like she was crazy, just like she felt. But all she saw in those dark, pretty eyes of his was kindness. "It made perfect sense." Then a look of shame crossed his face. "And how are you supposed to get over it, when you can't talk about it with anybody? That's my fault. I put that on you. I'm the one that should be sorry."

Sarah didn't even think about it before grabbing one of his hands and holding it between both of her own. "Don't. Don't ever apologize to me. You're the only reason I'm sitting here, that I'm in one piece, that I wasn't…" Just like always, she forced the what-ifs out of her mind and focused back on the man sitting in front of her. "Benny, I owe you everything."

She didn't know how many minutes passed with them just sitting there, holding hands and finding comfort in the simple sight of each other. But after a while, Sarah inched slightly away from him, wiped a few remaining tears off her cheeks, and shook her head. "You know, I think I liked it better when I was asking you lighthearted, random questions about yourself, and I kept prying even though you only gave me mostly one word answers. Can we get back to that now?"

A full smile crossed his lips, the first she'd seen, and the sight of it caused a slow, soothing warmth to spread through her chest. He nodded. "Ask away."

"Ok, um…" She thought for a second before something popped in her head. "So, Benny? Is that short for Benjamin?"

Sarah could have sworn he almost blushed before barely shaking his head. "Benicio. My mom was from Cuba."

She just smiled. "I like it."

Happy couldn't remember ever talking to anyone as much as he talked to Sarah that night. They sat on that couch for hours, just telling each other stories about their childhoods, their families, and all the things they thought no one else would ever care about, but just wanted to share. He told her about his tattoos; falling in love with them so much that he learned how to be a tattoo artist himself. He told her about the different mediums he liked to use in his art work; paints and oils and pencils, but mostly whatever he had on hand. And he told her how, despite what she believed, motorcycles were amazing and the greatest source of happiness in his life.

Then, much to his surprise, Happy told Sarah about his mom.

Hap hadn't spoken to anyone about Teresa Lowman since her death, but if he was honest with himself, he'd tried not to talk about her to anyone for years. It was just too painful telling people about the most wonderful woman he'd ever known slowly dying of cancer.

But talking to Sarah brought him a sort of peace, like hearing his mother's stories said out loud again somehow brought her back to life in that moment. He told her how a poor Cuban immigrant came to California with barely more than the clothes on her back, about how she worked three jobs as a single mom but somehow was still always there for him, about how patient and understanding she'd been with him during his school years even though he knew he had put her through hell. Then he told her about the cancer. He told her about the funeral. And for the first time, Happy admitted how alone he'd felt since the day she died, and how he knew he'd always miss her.

The one thing he didn't tell Sarah was that she was the only person who seemed to take a little of the loneliness away.

A part of him wished he'd never have to leave, but at around two in the morning, when Sarah was no longer able to hide how tired she was, Happy reluctantly said it was time for him to go. She followed closely behind him as he made his way to the front door and stepped into the cool November night. But he didn't even have both feet outside before he turned around to look at her pretty face. "Can I see you tomorrow?"

The sleepy smile she gave him brought a flutter to his chest. "I'd love that."

Happy glanced down at those big blue eyes, pale beautiful skin, and full lips, and leaned down slowly for a kiss he'd been aching to have for weeks. But just a few inches away from her mouth he hesitated and changed course, letting his lips fall against her forehead and linger there until he heard her sweetly sigh.

Then he turned around and stepped off the porch. "I'll pick you up around 5."

But Sarah took a small step forward. "Can we make it 6 instead? I always go to the 4:30 mass at St. Brendan's."

When Hap turned back around, he couldn't hide his grin. "You're Catholic?"

Sarah just nodded as a small smirk fell on her lips. "Yeah. Why? What's with the face?"

He took a moment to just stare at the gorgeous little mystery that had somehow stumbled into his life, leaning against the porch railing, bathed in moonlight. "It's nothing. Just…" Then he just shook his head as his smile widened. "My mom would have loved you."

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