You guys! Seriously, do you know why I love writing? Because of you! Thank you so, so much for the amazing response to the last chapter. I'm so glad that so many of you are still enjoying this story. Your reviews and feedback meant everything to me. You're all just wonderful, lovely people :)

Here's a little more of Hap and Sarah. I truly hope you like and, as always, please review!

Chapter 5

Happy got out of the shower and dried off, wrapping the towel around his waist before stepping over to the sink. Then he wiped the steam from the mirror before reaching for his razor and shaving, careful to just trim the barely there goatee he'd had on his face for years. And when he was finished, he ran one of his hands over the graying stubble before grasping both sides of the sink and staring up at his own reflection. What the fuck am I doing?

He'd tried his best to stay busy all day; mowed the lawn, cleaned the gutters, changed the oil on his mom's car, and fixed the leak on the kitchen faucet. But it didn't matter how hard he attempted to focus on something else. All he thought about was Sarah.

And now, looking at himself in the mirror, he couldn't escape the questions that had been weighing on his mind since the night before. Why are you seeing her again? Where the hell do you think this is going? Why are you lying to her? Why are you lying to yourself? Hap took a moment to study the man staring back at him in the mirror; a man whose age and hard living were starting to show on the lines around his darkened eyes and firmly set frown. Then he looked down at his tattoos; smiling faces that represented his kills and words proclaiming that he would live, die, and kill for his family. I'm Happy Lowman. I'm a ruthless, cold hearted bastard. I'm a killer. And I'm a Son.

But then an image of Sarah crossed his mind, smiling at him from across her kitchen table, and he remembered how light he'd felt in that same moment…how young…how different.

And that was when he understood why he could feel like an entirely different person with Sarah…because he'd been that person once, a long time ago. Hap thought that he'd buried the last shred of the person he used to be the same day he buried his mom. But somehow, Sarah had brought his old self back to life. That's why it feels so simple. That's why it doesn't feel like lying. Because when I'm with her, I don't feel like Happy Lowman at all. I'm not the Tacoma Killer. I'm not the most feared man in the MC. I'm not any of that.

I'm just Benny Lowman, Teresa's kid from down the block.

Happy stared at his reflection for just a few more seconds before shaking his head slightly and walking to his bedroom. He went through his drawers and found one of the few t-shirts he owned that didn't have a Sons logo, pulled on his nicest jeans, and laced up his boots. Then he went downstairs, and out of sheer habit, reached towards the hook in the hallway where his kutte and holster were hanging. But just as his fingertips brushed the familiar leather, he seemed to remember himself and instead grabbed the plain black hoodie that was hanging right beside it. Then he made his way to the garage.

He passed his moms Lincoln and walked over to where his Dyna was parked. It was beautiful; customized from drag bars to pipes, raw power in every cubic inch. But it only took one glance at the Sons of Anarchy California emblazoned on the faring and the reapers painted hauntingly on the tank and rear fender to know that he wouldn't be riding that tonight. So he went to the back corner of the garage and, with dust flying in the air, pulled the cover off of his old bike; a 1988 Harley FXR Low Rider.

Hap never thought of himself as a sentimental guy, but no matter how broke he'd been or how tight things had gotten, he'd never once considered selling that bike. Sure, it wasn't anything that special to look at, and it couldn't compare to the performance machine he rode now. But it was his first motorcycle and the thing that gave birth to his greatest passion and truest source of freedom. He just loved it.

Happy maintained the bike throughout the year, so after wiping a thin layer of dust off of the metallic blue tank, he started it up with no trouble at all. Then he climbed on, revved the engine, and pulled out onto the street; meandering through his old neighborhood until he was parked in front of her house.

Hap didn't even try to hide the small smile that fell on his lips when he saw Sarah step out of her front door and onto the porch. She was wearing a simple, navy blue dress that was belted at her waist but flowed loosely around the middle of her thighs. It was cut just low enough to reveal the smooth, creamy skin beneath her collar bone but high enough that he couldn't see any cleavage. A denim jacket covered her shoulders with black ballet flats on her feet. And all of that, combined with her simple makeup and chocolate brown hair, damn near took his breath away. She was the prettiest thing he'd ever seen.

Sarah smiled down at him on the sidewalk and took a step forward, but as soon as she glanced over his shoulder at the street, she stopped dead in her tracks. Then she crossed her arms over her chest and frowned. "I'm not getting on that thing."

Happy looked back at his bike and his smile widened. "Figured you'd say that." Then he just walked up to the bottom of the two small steps that led to the porch, reached a hand forward, and waited; playfully staring into those big blue eyes of hers until a tiny smile crept back on her face.

Hap fought the urge to sigh at the feel of her skin when she finally placed her hand in his. Then he laced their fingers together and pulled her gently down the steps, guiding her to the sidewalk. "Don't worry. We don't need to ride anywhere. I thought we'd take a walk."

They didn't say much to each other as they walked past the houses on her street. The sun was just starting to set, so the sky was cast in a sea of oranges and pinks, and the late November breeze was just warm enough to keep her comfortable as it ruffled the hair falling down around her collar. But even though she wasn't the slightest bit cold, she found herself leaning into Benny more than she needed to.

They walked for about fifteen minutes before Benny drew them to a stop. They were standing in front of a dry cleaning shop, not too far from the bar she went to the first night they met. "We're here."

Sarah looked at the building in confusion before she glanced up at his handsome face and smirked. "Do you usually take dates to pick up your laundry?"

Benny rolled his eyes, but grinned. "Follow me, smart ass."

She laughed quietly as he pulled her down the alleyway to the back of the building until they reached a door with a small sign overhead, the only words written in Chinese symbols. Then he held the door open for her until she walked through. "Trust me. Best food in the city."

The moment they walked through the door an elderly Asian man led them to a corner table for two, and Sarah took a quick second to look around. The dining room was tiny with only about ten tables scattered throughout, but each one was filled with customers. There were no windows that she could see, so the only light illuminating the space came from the soft glow of the Chinese lanterns on the ceiling and the small, short candle that sat in the middle of the tables. The walls were painted a rich dark red, and everything else from the seats to the tapestries to the rugs had accents of deep green and vibrant gold. Then she looked back at the man sitting across from her and smiled to herself. I wonder if he even realizes how romantic this place is…

Benny studied the look on her face and grinned. "What?"

But Sarah just shook her head and glanced down at her menu, even as her smile widened. "Nothing."

A waitress was at their table in minutes, bringing Benny a Budweiser and Sarah a glass of Chardonnay. Sarah grinned when she caught the grimace on his face as she ordered garlic tofu with a vegetable spring roll. Then after he ordered his pork dumplings and Szechuan beef, they handed their menus to the server and were once again alone.

She took a sip of her wine, looking over the top of the rim and smiling to herself when she caught him staring. Then she placed her glass back down on the table and looked around the room once more. "You know, I've been to that dry cleaner before, and I didn't even know this place existed. How did you find it?"

Benny shrugged. "I've been coming here since I was a kid. Everyone who grew up in this neighborhood knows about Li's Chinese Restaurant."

"Well, that explains it. I guess I haven't lived here long enough to know all the hidden gems. I grew up in Stockdale Estates."

He nodded as the corners of his mouth twitched into a small grin. "That's a nice part of town. Makes a hell of a lot more sense than you living here." She watched him take another drink of his beer before a look of uncertainty crossed his face. Then he cleared his throat and met her eyes. "You said you moved here a few years ago? After getting divorced?"

Sarah nodded. It seemed like they had talked about everything the night before, but she had somehow managed not to tell him about her marriage. It wasn't something that she avoided or hated to discuss. Honestly, she just never really thought about it anymore.

She just shrugged. "I'll give you the short version. My ex, Brian, and me were high school sweethearts, and we got married the summer we graduated from college. We both got jobs working for one of the big banks downtown; he's an accountant and I was an investment analyst." She shook her head and grinned when she saw the look on Benny's face. "It sounds more impressive than it was. I stared at numbers on a computer screen all day. I hated it." Then she sighed. "For a few years, we were mostly happy I guess. We did everything we were supposed to, you know? Bought the two nice cars, and the brand new condo, and went to all the right parties and restaurants. But after a while it became very clear that we were growing apart and wanted very different things out of life. He was determined to climb the ladder and make it to the top and be the best. But I didn't care about any of that. I just wanted a home, and a family, and a husband who loved me. All the other stuff was just…stuff. We should have called it quits a long time before it actually ended, but it lasted for seven years before we finally signed the papers. It's been final now for almost four years."

Benny listened intently the whole time she'd spoken and then just nodded. "So what made you finally leave?"

She huffed out a breath, after all these years still in awe of how stupidly trusting she'd been. "He came clean about his affair."

Something in Benny's eyes darkened as he looked at her in surprise. "He cheated on you?"

She just rolled her eyes and nodded, a small self deprecating smile on her lips. "Yep. With his secretary, no less. He wasn't even original about it."

If she didn't know better, Sarah would have sworn rage flickered in Benny's eyes before they quickly softened back to the warm, familiar brown she was starting to adore. Then he shook his head slightly before meeting her gaze. "You're lucky to be rid of that asshole."

She just glanced down to the table and shrugged. "You don't even know him."

But when he reached across the table and took her hand, she lifted her eyes back to his. And she didn't look away for even a second as he raised that hand to his lips and kissed her knuckles, his lips brushing against her skin as he quietly said, "I know all I need to know. He was dumb enough to let you go."

Happy watched contentedly as Sarah leaned back in her chair, placed her hands on her stomach, and groaned. "Oh my god, that was delicious. I'm now a believer. The best food in all of Bakersfield is hidden in the back of an alley."

Hap just smirked. "Told you so."

The sweet, sincere smile she gave him almost took his breath away. "Thank you for dinner, Benny."

Happy didn't quite trust himself to speak at that moment, somehow certain that his voice would betray every single thing he was feeling for the woman sitting in front of him. So he just nodded before standing from the table.

He waited for Sarah to stand up and place her purse over her shoulder but they didn't even take a step away from the table before she turned back around. "Oh, I almost forgot. The most important part of the meal." Then she looked up at him and grinned with two fortune cookies in her hand.

He looked on in amusement as Sarah tore off the wrapper and cracked open the cookie, pulling out the thin strip of paper before popping the crunchy sweetness in her mouth. Then she chewed quickly, looked down at her fortune, and smirked. "What does it say about me that my fortunes are usually blank? I mean, how am I ever supposed to know what the world has in store for me?"

He grinned before opening his cookie and eating quickly. Then he pulled out his own fortune.

Sarah smiled. "So? What does Confucius say about you?"

Hap read the single sentence on the paper before shoving it into his pocket and shrugging his shoulders. "Mine was blank too."

Sarah let out an exaggerated sigh and then softly laughed. "I guess our destinies are still a mystery."

Happy watched Sarah for a few seconds as she made her way towards the door. Then he quickly followed her, the words he'd read on the small scrap of paper still running through his mind…

Happiness is right in front of you.

When they got back outside, Happy once again took Sarah's hand as they made their way down the sidewalk; only letting go of her long enough to take off his hoodie and slip it over Sarah's jean jacket when he saw the way she shivered in the night time air. Then they walked hand in hand the same way they'd come, back towards Sarah's house.

Hap memorized the feel of her small fingers bound between his own as he looked around at the neighborhood he was raised in, slowly falling into decay. "So you never said how you ended up living here."

Sarah nodded. "Oh, right. So, I let Brian have the condo in the divorce. I never really wanted to live there anyway. I quit my job, let the lease expire on my cute little sports car, and then I got hired as a secretary at a little insurance company downtown. I don't make anything close to what I did at the bank, but the pay cut was worth not being miserable every day." Then she took a breath and went on. "Anyway, I knew I had to find a cheap place, and I didn't really care where it was; just somewhere affordable where I could avoid seeing my ex husband on a daily basis. And I knew I had to find it fast, because I was sleeping on my sister's couch and we were driving each other insane." Then she laughed to herself softly and shrugged. "My mom's a realtor. So I looked at her listings, found the least expensive rental, and here I am."

Happy looked down at her questioningly. "And your mom was ok with you living in this neighborhood by yourself?"

Sarah shook her head and smiled. "No, of course not. She threw the biggest fit in the world. But I was 29 at the time. She couldn't really stop me. Besides, I kinda fell in love with the place once I saw it, and I can be a little stubborn when I put my mind to it."

"29, huh? So that makes you now…"

She looked up at him and grinned. "I'm 33. What about you?"

His eyes were looking forward as they continued down the sidewalk. "Just turned 41 in September." Then he glanced down at her and barely smiled. "I know. I'm old."

She squeezed his hand a little tighter and playfully shoved her shoulder against his arm. "No you're not."

They walked in silence for a few minutes before Sarah raised her eyes up to him once more, a nervous expression on her face. "So, you asked me about my divorce. Do I get to ask you something awkward and personal now?"

There wasn't anything angry in her voice, just amusement mixed with a little bit of anxiousness. So Hap just shrugged and nodded. "Shoot."

Then Sarah nodded before taking a deep breath and averting her eyes to the ground. "I don't know if it's right for me to ask, but I just feel like I need to know…Why were you in prison?"

Hap stopped walking and hesitated a moment before turning to face her. Then he waited for her to make eye contact before he spoke. "It was a weapons charge. I was a felon and was caught with a firearm. I served 14 months."

To her credit, Sarah never looked away from him; just took a moment to process what he'd said before she nodded. "You were already a felon, so you…"

"It wasn't my first time inside. I'd already done time for an assault conviction." Happy didn't blame her for it, but the uneasiness he saw momentarily flash across Sarah's face fucking wrecked him. Then it was his turn to take a long, deep breath and sigh. "I've always been…reckless, I guess. And I've been in one kind of trouble or another since I was 13 years old. But I've never hurt anyone who didn't have it coming. And I've never hurt a woman."

Happy couldn't bring himself to look Sarah in the eye anymore, so he stared down at their hands, still joined together. Fuck, what am I saying? How am I supposed to convince her that I'm anything more than just a fucking criminal? Shit, how am I supposed to convince myself? I can't…I can't do this.

"Sarah, I'm not a good man…"

Hap took a small step away from her and tried to release her hand, but he met her eyes once more when he felt her hand tightening around his fingers, refusing to let him go.

Her voice was soft and sweet. "Maybe you're not." But then she took a small step forward and placed a gentle hand on his chest, shook her head, and smiled. "But you're not a bad one, either."

Happy trailed just behind Sarah as she climbed the steps to her porch, watching every move she made until she turned around and leaned her back against the front door. Then she gently smiled. "I had a great time tonight. Thank you for taking me out."

He took a small step closer and, barely shaking his head, gave her the smallest of smiles in return. "Thanks for agreeing to go."

Then, just like the night before, Happy leaned forward and placed a single sweet kiss on her forehead. "I should…"

But before he had a chance to straighten back up, Sarah placed her hands on the sides of his face, guided his lips down to hers, and kissed him.

It started slow and hesitant, but as soon as she pressed her body against his, Happy was lost. He wrapped his arms around her waist and pulled her close, until he could feel every breath she took with the rise and fall of her breasts. And when she laced her hands behind his neck and accidentally scraped her fingernails against his skin, he couldn't stop a short sigh from escaping. They went on like that for a while, their kiss intimate and unhurried, heat building between them with every sensation. But just as Sarah opened her mouth a little wider and brushed her tongue against his lips, Happy forced himself to pull away.

They were still catching their breath when Hap let his forehead fall against hers, both panting as Sarah's hands traveled from his neck down to the front of his t-shirt.

He could hear the need in her voice. "Do you want to come inside?"

Happy almost laughed. Fuck, of course I do. "Yes."

But when he stayed frozen in place, Sarah sighed. "But you're not going to, are you?

He lingered there a few more seconds before reluctantly taking a small step away from her. "No."

The moment he saw the flush in her cheeks and the desire in her eyes, Hap wished like hell he could take the word back; that he could push open the door, strip her down, and make every single fantasy he'd had about her come to life. But he knew he couldn't…at least not that night.

Happy placed a hand against her cheek and caressed her skin with his calloused thumb. "I jump in. That's what I do. I see something I want and I don't even think about it. I just take it, and I use it up, and then it's gone before I even have a chance to enjoy it or to understand what made it so fucking amazing in the first place." Then he leaned forward and placed a soft, slow kiss on her lips. "I rush everything good in my life. I'm not going to rush things with you."

He couldn't stop himself from kissing Sarah one last time before he turned away from her and stepped off the porch. "I have to go home tomorrow, but do you want to grab breakfast in the morning before I go?"

Relief coursed through his body when she bit her lip and nodded, an almost dazed look in her eyes. "Yeah, definitely."

He stood there for a little while longer, unable to look away from her, before slowly turning away and walking back towards his bike. But he stopped when her voice called out to him. "Oh, Benny wait…"

He turned back around to see her unzipping the hoodie he'd given her earlier. Then she peeled it off, tossed it down to him, and grinned. "You might want that. It probably gets kind of chilly on that thing."

Hap waited for her to unlock the front door, but just before she went inside she turned back around to face him. "Goodnight, Benny." And then she smiled, just like she'd done a dozen times since he'd met her. But it was that smile that nearly made him weak.

Because for some reason, that was the smile that made him know. That was the smile that made him certain. That was the smile that changed everything…

I'm falling in love with her.

...

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