Hi everyone! In this chapter, Phoebe and Rodrigo begin their research about Helga's feelings for Rodrigo. Is it an unconscious phenomenon, or are her feelings genuine? What do they find?
I would also like to thank empressakura655 for introducing to me the concept of tsundere and for inspiring me to write this chapter!
During Psychology class...
Rodrigo was barely listening to his teacher during his psychology class. No, he wasn't even doing that anymore. He was bored. Having a keen interest in psychology, Rodrigo had already read through the entire textbook before the new year came. Even more so, he already knew about the many psychological concepts, theories and its well known intellectuals. There was nothing exciting about being in this class, or so he thought.
As he continued playing with his pencil, something caught his attention when his teacher started talking about Freud's theory of transference.
"Just so everyone is aware of this concept, in case some of you have not yet read this chapter, transference is the process of when a patient redirects his/her own emotion towards a person or object, whether it is love, hate or anger, to the therapist. Essentially, the therapist becomes a substitute for the patient's conscious or unconscious emotional affections towards a person or object. By this way, Freud speculated that via transference, the therapist is now in a position to discuss with the patient, these emotional affections out in the open." the teacher explained.
Rodrigo lifted his head and began to listen attentively to the teacher.
"Now it should be warned, that despite this major breakthrough, there can be severe setbacks during the therapeutic process. For one thing, the therapist is also vulnerable to project his/her emotional affections of a person towards the patient, which in this case, is called counter-transference. In addition, attempting to discuss and penetrate the unconscious via this root can be tricky. The patient can be even more resistant to the therapeutic process, or can even open up repressed emotions that tend to be extreme, such as violence or extreme obsession. Also, because now the patient is emotionally invested onto his/her therapist, the therapist is in a position of power since the therapist, now being the source of the patient's love and affection, can heavily influence the patient. This is why there are various psychoanalytic associations that monitor the therapist's behaviour and methods, to ensure the therapists does not abuse this position of power." The teacher continued to explain.
Rodrigo thought about this and instantly recognized a connection between himself, Arnold and Helga. The only difference was that Rodrigo was not a therapist, but can transference still occur? He lifted his hand up to task his teacher this question.
"Yes Rodrigo?" the teacher acknowledged him again.
"Sir, can transference also happen outside of therapy, such as among friends or even between classmates? Can it happen accidently?" he asked him.
"Well in the strictest sense, transference only occurs in therapy, as the definition of transference is strictly between a patient and the therapist. However, this type of behaviour does frequently occur outside of therapy. I would even argue that it is sometimes how two people meet and fall in love. Now this also occurs unconsciously. This is not something that the patient, or any person, willing projects his/her emotional affection from one person onto the other." The teacher replied.
"Can the person who projects his/her emotions, even if the process is out of their control, be aware that this happening?" Rodrigo continued to ask.
"Yes, the person can be aware that this is happening. Think of it this way, if a person who once loved someone due to some particular traits, then loses that person and then meets another person who also have those same positive traits, that person is aware that the reason why he/she fell in love with this second person is due to him/her having the same traits that his/her previous lover had. That does not necessarily mean that the person is hallucinating or is imagining that that person IS his/her former lover, but based on what we know, that is sometimes how the brain works." The teacher explained.
"Are there different types of transferences?" Rodrigo asked again.
"Yes, and I was just getting to that." He began to explain, as he started looking at the rest of the class. "There is positive transference, where the patient projects good emotions, such as love, sympathy and affections towards the therapist. Then there is also negative transference, where the patient projects anger, hatred, fear onto the therapist. There is also sexualized transference, where the patient projects any sexualized fantasy onto the therapist. For instance, since the therapist is already in a position of authority, the patient can begin to fantasize the therapist in a type of sexualized BDSM."
Some of the students then instantly laughed or giggled at the last thing the teacher said.
Ignoring their laughter, Rodrigo then instantly raised his hand again and said,
"Sorry sir, just one more question. Is there a way for the therapist, or any person to reduce, if not to cease transference from happening?"
"Well that can be tricky. In psychoanalytic practice, most therapists would not want to prevent transference from occurring, as it prevents both parties from having a more meaningful and open relationship. But if you are referring to outside the therapy session, transference is nothing more than then one person falling for another person, so treat it as that. If the second person does not have the same feelings for the other person, then that second person can either A) simply be honest and say 'No I don't have feelings for you, B) ignore/do not respond to their advances, C) cease all communication with them." The teacher explained.
Rodrigo then allowed the teacher to continue the class, as he pondered about his relationship with Helga.
I need to go to the library and research more on this. He thought.
Ever since Helga's discussion with Phoebe on December 26, Phoebe wasted no time in going to full force with her research. Unlike Rodrigo, Phoebe had long suspected of Helga possibly projecting of her love and affections of Arnold to Rodrigo. Yet, she had underestimated how strong and how fast the process was. She had calculated that due to Helga's strong love for Arnold, she would have time to do her research. She was personally amazed at how fast it was occurring and knew that she needed to step on it.
The second she returned to school, she went straight to the library to do her research. Although she did not provide Gerald any details on why she needed to go to the library, she had informed him that she will be spending more time at the library due to her school work and to help Helga out with class. However, her research was hampered by the lack of psychological and psychoanalytic books at the school library. To her surprise, the librarian kept stating that someone had also taken a keen interest in this subject and was routinely checking them out. Frustrated, she gathered what little books were left and proceeded with her research.
A week since school started...
During lunchtime, Phoebe went straight to the library to finish her research. She just needed one book. It was on Sigmund Freud's and Carl Jung's theories on transference. When she asked the librarian, she was happy to hear that it was still available and once she gave her the location of where it was located, she rushed to grab it.
"Let's see, it is on aisle P, on the right side..." Phoebe muttered to herself as she walked.
Once she approached aisle P, she walked in and immediately started looking for the book. Unbeknownst to her, someone else was also in the same aisle looking for the same book. As the two teens got closer and closer, they failed to notice each other, until both of them saw the book and attempted to grab it. As they did so, they accidently collided with themselves. However, it was only a mild collision. Phoebe looked up and was surprised to find that she collided with Rodrigo.
"Oh Phoebe, I'm sorry I didn't see you there. Are you OK?" he whispered her.
"Yes, I am thank you. I'm sorry, I didn't see you either." she responded back quietly.
They then both turned to face the same book and instantly recognized that they both needed it.
"Umm do you need this book, Phoebe?" Rodrigo asked her.
"Yes I do, it's for an assignment for one of my classes." Phoebe lied.
She then saw some of the other books that Rodrigo had in his hand and noticed that they were all psychology books. Although she knew that he had a psychology class, she had a sense that he was not reading these books for his class, nor for his pleasure. Due to previous conversations with him, she was aware of his observant nature, as well as his intimate knowledge of Helga's past and behaviour. She wouldn't be surprised if the almost kissing scene was also bothering him and. If anything, she was expecting it. Phoebe agreed with Helga that Rodrigo was more mature and intelligent than her peers. In addition, considering that Helga trusted him, Phoebe was comfortable in prompting him with the following question,
"Are you here for Helga?" she bluntly asked him.
Rodrigo was a bit surprised by Phoebe's directness, but he was not surprised that she suspected him of being concerned over what happened during Christmas. If anything, he was glad that Phoebe touched upon this.
Hm, maybe Phoebe can help me with this. She knows Helga better than anyone. I just hope she is able to open up to discuss this with her. He thought.
"Yes, I am." he confessed. "I'm assuming you are here for the same reason?"
Phoebe nodded.
"I'm also assuming that she told you what happened on Christmas day at the park?" he asked.
Again, Phoebe nodded.
"How did she handle it?" he asked.
"Alright. She had some difficulty comprehending it, but she managed through." she confessed.
"I'll level with you Phoebe. I'm not happy that this happened. Not that I don't think Helga is not a great girl. I just didn't think this would ever happen, given that she in a relationship with Arnold. I'm just here to understand how this ended up happening and to see what ways I can prevent it from progressing. I don't want to hurt her; that's the last thing that I want to do." he confessed.
Hm, perhaps we can work together on this. This will allow me to see what his thoughts are and also provide an extra opinion on the matter. She thought.
"I concur Rodrigo and I'm actually glad to hear you say that. I am no professional on this, but I did promise Helga that I would help her with this. I am wondering if perhaps we can work together and put our findings in one conclusion. I believe this way, we can perhaps help Helga on how she should deal with this. I can provide her with certain guidelines and advice, while you will be aware of what you can do ease these emotional affections from getting stronger." she said.
"Ok sure. Sounds great." said Rodrigo.
Both found an empty glass room where they can speak privately on this matter. They went inside, sat down and immediately got to work.
"So what have you found thus far?" Phoebe asked.
"Honestly, not much. I only recently started doing my research this week. I was in my psychology class when my teacher spoke about Freud's concept of transference. It then occurred to me that the same behaviour of how a patient projects her emotional affection onto her therapist, seems to follow a familiar path between Helga and myself. What about you?" he said.
"It is the same with me. But I found another concept that I believe is more in line with Helga's feelings for you; displacement." she said.
"Displacement? Isn't that when a person moves his/her emotions from an unacceptable object onto a less threatening one? Freud's concept?" he asked.
"Precisely and it makes sense. With Helga's situation, she is in a relationship with Arnold, but he moved away more than two years ago and he hasn't returned to even visit. I believe this long-distance relationship may have become relatively unacceptable for her. When she met you, she unconsciously displaced her emotional affections from Arnold onto you." she explained.
"I have read some of Freud's theories, but it does not necessarily explain why she did so with you. I am aware that due to you bearing strikingly similar traits with Arnold, she may 'see' him in you and naturally, displaced her emotional affections. But I am not sure how an idea and emotions are connected." she asked.
"I think I can answer that." said Rodrigo. "Are you familiar with the works of the French psychoanalyst Jacques Lacan?"
Phoebe shook her head.
"Well Lacan was a Freudian psychoanalyst, but his difference was his introduction of language into psychoanalytic thought. This guy is extremely difficult to understand so I won't go into details, other than what we are talking about. Basically with displacement, he theorized that emotions are transferred from one object to another via language. Our emotions are nothing more than cathexis, or emotional energy that burst through randomly at every direction. What makes them align to focus on a particular object or a series of objects, is via language. Language literally structures our emotions into specific pathways. So the affections we have for our family and friends was made via the language that we utilize when describing how we feel about these people and describing how they feel about us, how they talk to us, how we talk to them and how we behave towards each other, etc etc. Basically, by structuring our emotions, we get an 'idea' of a particular person or thing. Ideas are not just rational thoughts. They are emotional too; about how we feeling about them. Language too is driven by this cathexis, it allows linguistic pathways to form. Both language and cathexis need each other in order to exist. Language needs this cathexis as the driving force for rational pathways to form and make emotional connects, but also cathexis needs language in order to bring it a kind of stability and allow its outbursts to be channeled appropriately." he explained.
Phoebe thought about this for a moment.
"So you are saying that this idea of you 'being like Arnold', the personality and traits, allowed another pathway for her emotions to travel through?" she asked.
"Yes, exactly. This is all unconscious, mind you. And even though she may 'see' Arnold in me, I seriously doubt she is hallucinating. Both Lacan and Freud never stated that if transference or displacement occurred, then their patients are delusional. This happens all the time in our society and in many cases, it is a defensive mechanism. Helga's case is no different." said Rodrigo.
"Which brings me a concern. I'm not sure why this concerns me , but I am not sure if her displacing her feelings from Arnold to me is nothing more than a defense mechanism, or if is this a genuine development of feelings for me? I am hoping if you can perhaps enlighten me on this." he continued.
Phoebe hesitated for a moment about his question. If she answered, she would have to divulge a lot of information about what she and Helga has spoken about. After thinking about this, she relented.
"Well, based on what she said, I am in the position to believe that she may in fact be developing feelings for you, albeit less passionate than when she fell in love with Arnold." she said.
"How so?" he said.
Phoebe began to feel uncomfortable about proceeding with this. She had never ventured this far into revealing what she and Helga talk about, much less about Helga's own personal feelings and opinions. Even with Rodrigo, who already knows more about her than her peers, she was still not sure if she should continue.
Sensing Pheobe's uncomfortability, he reassured her.
"Pheebs, you can rest assured that whatever we discuss here, will not be repeated elsewhere. This will be stay between us. I am not here to gossip about Helga, I just want to understand her so I can be better prepared to deal with this development, that's all."
Phoebe then relented.
"When Helga first met Arnold, she instantly fell in love with him. Arnold was her first love, so it is natural that it would be an intense and passionate one. With you, she has described being drawn to you. Yet unlike with Arnold, she had not yet developed any of the usual indications of when a person has strong feelings for someone; you know, the 'butterflies in your stomach' or getting nervous around this person, the fast heartbeat, etc. Yet she has told me that whenever you dance with someone, she begins to experience feelings of anger and jealousy. They subside when you stop dancing with the girl. What's more, she has stated that whenever she sees you, she gets happy and always looks forward to seeing you. Although she does not look like it, she has told me that she tries to see or hang out with you as often as possible. Yet, she is right now in a position where she cannot decidedly act on what course to take. Based on how she feels for Arnold she is not sure if she developing feelings for you or not." she said.
Rodrigo was stunned about all of this, especially the jealousy part.
"When did she first experience being jealous?" he asked.
"On Rhonda's Halloween party. You started dancing with someone while Helga went to the bathroom. At first, she thought she was only feeling this way because she felt you were regretting asking her to go with you. However, there had been other times when she saw you dancing with other girls, and the same feelings re-emerged." she explained.
"Is she jealous of Gabriela?" he asked.
"Initially she was, but after talking to her, those feelings subsided because she felt that Gabriela was 'not a threat'." she explained.
"What did you mean when you said that Helga 'feels drawn to me'?" he asked again.
"I am not really sure. She herself has had problems specifying what she means by that. But from what she was able to explain to me, she trust you enough where she feels she can talk to you. She has also told me that she has a deep desire to wanting to get to know you. Yet she has never gone through any romantic trance. However, despite her confusion, I am convinced that she is developing feelings for you. Romantic feelings don't need to appear suddenly and intensely. I know this because Arnold didn't develop feelings for Helga as fast as she did. It took him a while for him to realize it. It was a gradual process. I think this is what is occurring between you and her." she explained.
"I concur Phoebe. Based on what you have said, it does appear that Helga is starting to develop feelings for me. In psychology I believe it is called compassionate love, developed by Elaine Hatfield. Helga is at a stage where she has developed a deep sense of trust in me. Even though she doesn't reveal it, I can tell based on the way she talks to me and even looks at me, she deeply cares me and for the past few months, has been making a big attempt in getting to know me. I think with Arnold, it is more passionate love, that deep longing for someone. Although she didn't give me any details, she told me that before they got together, she would often fantasize about him; not sexually but romantically. And the feelings that she experienced with him were very intense." he said.
"Hm, that's interesting. But are you suggesting that Helga's love for Arnold never matured into compassionate love?" she asked.
"No, I think it was in the process of maturing into compassionate love. Arnold's departure interrupted that process. She told me that in the last years before he left, their relationships started to become more stable and more intimate." he said.
"Yes, that's true. Even though it was still rocky, I remember that in the last years, they needed less of our help to cope with their issues. I remember on many occasions when all four of us would get together and just relax and enjoy ourselves. Even Helga told me on a few occasions that things were finally starting to settle down." she confirmed.
"But with me, it is somewhat reversed. It seems that Helga skipped the passionate love phase entirely and proceeded with compassionate love." he said.
"Well, that's not really surprising. Since she is still in a relationship with Arnold, it would make sense why she is experiencing compassionate love with you. Since the process from passionate to compassionate was never completed, She must have retained her passionate love for Arnold, while developing compassionate love for you." she explained.
"So you are saying that she technically likes two guys?" he asked.
"I'm afraid so." she confirmed with a worried and sad look.
There was now a moment of silence between the teens as they pondered about this. Neither were liking the prospect of Helga liking two guys. Rodrigo especially was feeling very uncomfortable and guilty that he was inadvertently 'stealing' Arnold's girlfriend. He then began to think about his own feelings, but he was interrupted when Phoebe asked him a question.
"Rodrigo, if I may ask, what are you feelings towards Helga? Are you feelings reciprocal?"
Rodrigo now became even more uncomfortable. Phoebe was Gerald's girlfriend and Rodrigo was afraid that she might inform Gerald, whom he may inform Arnold about Rodrigo's own feelings.
"Pheebs, I know we both promised we would not tell a living soul about this, but I must insist that you keep this matter a secret, especially from Gerald and Arnold. I do not want to cause any problems for them, nor do I want to come between Arnold and Helga. Please promise me that you will not reveal this to them." he said with a serious tone in his voice.
Phoebe was not liking where this was going and was fearing the worst. Yet before succumbing to any rash conclusion, she promised Rodrigo and allowed him to explain first.
"OK. I'm not in love with Helga, but I can't say for sure if I do not like 'like' her. I have noticed only recently that whenever she gets close to me and starts being nurturing, sympathetic or just worried around me, I get very nervous. When I am in this position, my heart starts beating fast, I start to getting sweaty and I feel that my knees might give way. The first time it happened was when Helga and I had to decorate the Christmas at the boarding house. I'm sure Helga had already told you that I started working there part-time." he wanted to confirm.
Phoebe nodded. Rodrigo continued.
"Ok, we had an accident and I accidently bumped into Helga and she fell on me, hurting me. When she saw that lip was bleeding, she immediately grabbed the tissue and started wiping the blood off of my face and neck. With the way she doing it and all of a sudden being nurturing and worried, I started getting nervous. Apart from never seeing her like this, I realized that I liked it; I liked that Helga was being so caring and concerned about me. It was...very sweet to see her like that. The same thing happened on Christmas day at the park, after she slapped me. Again I felt uncomfortable and when I looked towards her directions, we both locked eyes and just stared at each other. I don't know her, but I completely lost myself when I gazed her eyes. She has very beautiful eyes..." he concluded with an almost love struck grin.
"Have those feelings gotten stronger since then?" she asked.
"I'm not sure..." he said.
Rodrigo then stopped talking and thought for a moment. After a short while, he then asked Phoebe a question.
"Have you ever heard of the term tsundere?"
" Yes, I have. I am half Japanese, you know." she said, feeling a bit offended by Rodrigo's question.
"Right, sorry about that Phoebe." he apologized while blushing.
"Not to worry. Please continue." she reassured him with a smile.
"Right, well you know this Japanese term has been applied to describe someone who is initially cold or hostile (tsun) before gradually showing his/her warmer, friendlier side (dere) as time passes. This describes Helga's personality to a T. Where I am going with this is not the person who has this type of personality, but the person who meets a tsundere. From what I have read, this personality conjures up a type of reward system." he started to explain.
"How so?" Phoebe asked.
"When a person meets a tsundere, their expectations tend to be basic, if not low, with the way a tsundere receives people, which is usually cold and distant, if not hostile. Because a tsundere's greetings are usually that, the person would have no expectation for it to be any better. Why would he? However, if that person, for whatever the reason, decides to stick around, a tsundere would eventually begin to show her warmer and friendlier side. This amounts to a type of 'reward' or 'gain' for having to stick around and endure the tsundere's initial cold or hostility. Psychologically, a person may feel 'rewarded' and will not only continue to form a more lasting relationship with a tsundere, but may also begin to be attracted to that tsundere as the rewarding becomes more and more pronounced. Psychologically, a tsundere has the characteristics of being highly independent, opinionated, strong, yet also being vulnerable, loving, caring and sympathetic, but it tends to vary by person. Some are more pronounced or more extreme than others. At the very least in the West, a tsundere is becoming more and more valued because I think you have two of the best qualities from both sides."
"Helga is not the first person whom I met who has this type of personality and behaviour. My mom and Gabriela are a bit like that, so I have a lot of experience in dealing with tsunderes. But Helga is by far, one of the toughest tsunderes that I have ever met. Even before I met her, I was already aware that I like this type of personality, even if it can become frustrating at times to deal with it. Because not many people are willing to stick around with a tsundere long enough to them to show their warmer, friendlier side, these types of people tend to be loners, or people with very little friends who are generally poorly understood. As a person who is somewhat of an outcast, I know what that is like and so I sympathize with them. But this is the first time where I am feeling to be attracted to a tsundere. And I believe Arnold may have also been influenced by Helga as a tsundere. But because he had to endure many years of Helga's bullying, it took him a really long time for him to realize his feelings. It was only by Arnold's optimism and patience that he was able to stick around long enough for Helga to eventually start showing her more loving side to him." he explained.
"So what you are saying is that, due to this reward of Helga showing her friendlier and more loving side, you believe you are finding her more and more attractive?" she asked.
"Yes." Rodrigo confirmed, albeit a bit shamefully. "Thus far, I am able to control it so I am not too concerned. But I am also very skeptical in discouraging Helga from showing her dere (lovey-dovey) side. It is not just the psychological reward, but I just don't want to continue to having to endure her tough exterior all the time; it can be exhausting."
"How is it that you are able to control your emotions?" she asked.
"Well on Christmas, after the whole almost kissing scene happened, we left the park and I walked her home. Before she went inside, she gave me a kiss on the cheek where she previously slapped me. I felt nothing when she kissed me. I didn't get uncomfortable, I didn't get nervous or anything like that. I think that it is because kissing is part of my culture and since I have kissed a lot of girls on the cheek, non-romantically speaking, I didn't interpret Helga's kiss to be anything romantic, nor unusual. But as I thought more about this, I realize that it is also perhaps that me being attracted to her is still in its infancy. Like Helga, I don't really think about her when I am alone, nor do I fantasize about her. When I see her, I'm glad but it is not, at least for me, anything romantic. It is the same as when I see Gerald, you or anyone else." he explained.
"But it is still there." she pointed it out.
"Yes." he confirmed. "Which brings me to the big question; what can I or her do to ensure these feelings to not get stronger?"
"Rodrigo, how far are you willing to go to ensure that?" Phoebe asked her.
Rodrigo thought about it for a moment. His face became serious, if not somewhat sad.
"If need be, I'm willing to see her less, whether it is at school or outside. At its most extreme, if the situation becomes dire and hopeless, then I am willing to cut all ties with her."
"But how are you willing to do that if you are friends with everyone? You will have to see her eventually." she said.
"Yes, which is why I do not want to have to go down that path. I would imagine we would still hang out, but it would no longer be just us. The only reason why we would see each other would be if everyone got together. Other than that, we would not see each other, much less talk to one another, at least until our feelings for each other subsides." he explained.
"What if Helga decides to cut all ties with you?" she asked.
"Then all ties will be cut. I'll have to accept it and I would understand if she needs to do that. I would find bitterly disappointed in having lost a good friend, but there would be nothing I can do if she decides to do that." he confirmed.
"I'm not really concerned for myself." he continued to talk with a sad look on his face. "In its worst case, if I have to leave this group for the sake of unity, I will. It would suck, it would hurt, but I'm willing to do that to ensure this group remains united. I know that I'll find other friends if it comes to that. I'm more concerned for Helga. I'm afraid if word of this gets out and if the situation does call for us to sever ties, how would our friends respond? I would imagine they would try to come to a compromise, but I'm afraid that if the situation gets really bad, I'm afraid they might support me rather than Helga."
"Why would you think that?" she asked.
" I'll be blunt, Phoebe; Helga's not well liked by our friends. Gerald doesn't like her, you know that. I had a talk with the boys last year and I was not thrilled about their opinions of Helga. They didn't say anything mean or bad about her, but I was able to understand clearly why their relationship with her is strained. If you think about it rationally, whom would you support; someone you like, or someone that you don't like? I DO NOT want it to get to that point." he said firmly
Phoebe now realized the danger of the situation. This was no longer a case about just Helga and Arnold's relationship. This can spill out and include everyone and can influence the entire group. Rodrigo's warning was not lost to her, nor did she think he was exaggerating. She knew very well how distant Helga was with everyone and people like Gerald, have still not yet forgiven her for her past transgressions. She was not even sure how Gerald would react to this. As she thought more about this, she became more determined to solve this situation.
"Then it is safe to say, Rodrigo, that it is best if you and Helga spend less time together. I still believe both of you should still hang out together, but it should not be as often as it was once." she spoke calmly.
"I agree, we can start with that. At the very least, I can allow Helga to make the decision to hang out alone with me. I would no longer take any initiative in doing so. That way, it should make things more comfortable for her and allow for these feelings to subside. You can also help by giving your opinion if you feel she is spending too much time with me." he said.
"Agreed." she confirmed.
"Phoebe, is there any future plans that Helga and Arnold made for each other? Do you know if or when Helga is every going to see him again and where would they reside? Here in Hillwood or in San Lorenzo, if he is still there?" he asked.
Phoebe simply gave him a sad facial expression and said, "I wish that was the case, but there is no such plans in place. As it stands, they are simply, umm what is the slang term for it? Is it playing it by ear?" she asked.
"Yeah, that's the slang term." Rodrigo confirmed.
"Right. We don't even know if Arnold still be attending any college or university institution in the U.S. or elsewhere. It has been like this since he left. Their future right now has been put on hold and Helga has merely been focusing extensively on the present; just getting by." she said.
"That's horrible, Phoebe! Why would Arnold drag Helga like this? Isn't he aware of what she has been going through these past two years? Has anyone mentioned this to him?" he asked with a raised voice.
"No, we haven't. We know that Arnold has been stressed out with the constant moving and the lack of friends, so we reframed from telling him how badly we took it when he left, and about Helga's situation. Helga also requested this from us, so even if we wanted to, out of respect for her, we have not said anything to Arnold." she said.
Rodrigo just looked at Phoebe in complete astonishment. He saw the whole irony of the situation; to prevent from either hurting Arnold or Helga, no one has told Arnold about Helga's situation, which has only caused her to be hurt more. It is unclear how Arnold would have reacted, but Rodrigo suspected that even if Arnold knew about Helga's situation, he would be unable to do anything about it. As it stands, he was completely unaware of this, with only Helga taking the full brunt of it.
Rodrigo simply sighed in frustration. As far as he was concerned, this whole thing was crazy.
"Ok, so it is agreed, I will reframe from making any initiatives to hang out with Helga alone and leave that decision to her." he said as he refocused the conversation back to the topic at hand.
"Yes." she confirmed. "There is just one unresolved issue; what does the therapist do once he has achieved transference? That is why I was looking for this book, to see if it can dispel that."
"Same here, let's take a look at it." said Rodrigo, he opened the book and both teens examined it.
After sometime, both Rodrigo and Phoebe looked at a certain section of the book where Freud offers advice on how a therapist should use transference. Needless to say, what Rodrigo read, egoistically speaking, disappointed him.
"Hm, interesting." Phoebe remarked. "It says here that Freud advices all therapists that when they achieve transference with their patient, they should remind them that these feelings do not apply to them, nor do they originate from their therapeutic relationship. Rather, the patient is merely repeating an affect relating to a prior relationship."
"So then, based on Freud's advice, the therapist is merely a substitution for the patient's original object/person to project his feelings towards." commented Rodrigo.
"It would seem so. Freud considered sublimation, this tendency to convert unacceptable feelings or impulses into socially acceptable ones, with the therapist to be nothing more than a copy for the original person/object."
Rodrigo was now more confused and frustrated. He had thought that they have concluded that Helga had developed genuine feelings for him. But now, after reading this section, it is heavily suggesting that the Rodrigo is nothing more than a mere copy for Helga to project her emotions to.
"But if that is the case, then Helga does not genuinely have feelings for me. She doesn't like me for me, she likes me only what I represent to her; Arnold. And if that is the case, then we should attempt to take a different approach. Instead of prohibiting her from me, perhaps I or we should remind her whom she really loves. I can do this by reminding her how I much I actually differ from Arnold. That way, she may then cease her displacement." he explained.
"I see your point Rodrigo, but I'm afraid I'm not convinced by this. I still believe she is developing genuine feelings for you. At the very least, it may have started out that way; you being a mere copy, but at some point, it must have matured." She countered.
"Can you provide an example or evidence that would support your hypothesis?" he asked.
Phoebe remained silent and thought about it, rubbing her chin with her fingers. Finally after some time, she spoke.
"Well, she has told me that you are a person that likes to be 'everywhere'. For example, your taste in music is vast; it ranges from country music, to rap, to Latin music to classical music. She has also mentioned your personality tends to be dualistic. You can be patient and sympathetic with some people, but with others, you can be direct, assertive and inpatient. Normally, she would have found this to be frustrating, if not overwhelming. Yet with you, she had confirmed with me that she likes that about you, since you tend to be flexible on how to deal with various people and situations, including her. One of the reasons why she and Arnold would often clashed was because they were both inflexible; they were both on the extreme spectrum of things and often had a difficult time agreeing on something." she explained.
"I see. Are there any other ones?" he asked.
"Well, she is not a touchy-type of person. Yet with you, she does not have a problem in being physically close to you, whether it is dancing, or embracing each other. She informed me that you have hugged her a few times unexpectedly early on and instead of chastising you for it, she accepted it. I know for a fact that unless you are really close to her, she will not allow you to touch her." she continued.
Rodrigo still remained unconvinced, but relented to Phoebe's analysis.
She knows Helga better than anyone. She would not lie to me, not if she wants to help her. He thought.
"Ok, fine, we'll proceed with what we agreed on. However, I would like to add an alteration to the plan. I should not just reframe from spending time with her alone. I think I should implicitly state to her that I am her friend and I believe I can do that by ensuring that not only will no boundaries be crossed, but also do what friends usually do; support each other. By support, I don't just mean with each other. I am also referring to the support of her feelings for Arnold. Meaning that I should attempt to reinforce it towards him and less on me."
"How do you propose to do that?" She asked.
"Well, by reminding her of him whenever she brings it up. I can also attempt to support her about a future with him, even if there are no plans for them to even have one. Essentially, what it takes to transfer all of these feelings that she is developing for me right back to Arnold."
"That does sound like good plan. Ok, we can do that as well." she said with a smile.
Just then the bell rang, signalling the end of their lunchtime. Both teens quickly packed everything up and started to leave the glass box. As soon as they got out, Rodrigo then said to Phoebe,
"Phoebe, I think it's best if you don't say anything to Helga that we met up to discuss this. I don't think she will take it well."
"I agree Rodrigo. I will reframe from anything to her about our meeting. I just hope this works." she said.
The two teens then left the library, said their goodbyes and went to class.
The next day after school...
Phoebe acknowledged to Helga that she completed her research and asked if they can go to her room to discuss it. As soon as school ended, both teens went straight to Helga's house, went up to her room and began.
As promised, Phoebe said nothing about her meeting with Rodrigo, but she did not omit any of the research that she found with him. Helga sat quietly, listening attentively to Phoebe's lecture. Phoebe didn't bother with the details, and went straight to the point. She confirmed with Helga that she was indeed developing feelings for Rodrigo and recommended the following: She needed to spend less time with Rodrigo, but not up to the point where she is avoiding him. She also needed to start focusing about his faults, rather than focusing on his positive traits. Thirdly, Helga needed to remind herself that Rodrigo is nothing more than a friend and to discourage her feelings, she needed to always treat him as such. This meant she could not do anything with him that would allow either of them cross any boundaries, as what happened during Christmas, nor do anything romantic with him. Helga had no issue doing of these recommendations, except for the final one; she needed to discuss with Arnold about what the future holds for them. This way, Phoebe hoped this will help Helga readjust her feelings from Rodrigo, back to Arnold.
"Umm, thanks Pheebs for the recommendations. I'll be sure to put them into effect." she said nervously.
Phoebe however, was suspicious of Helga's response. She started giving her a suspicious look.
"What?" she asked her Asian best friend.
"Helga, there is something that you are not telling me." she said.
"What? Pfft, no I'm not." she said while trying to sound confident, but Phoebe wasn't buying it.
"Helga." she said sternly.
"Ok, ok. You need not tell me about confirming my feeling for Rodrigo. I already knew them to be true. You mentioned on Boxing Day that I should tell Dr. Bliss about this and I did. She also came up with the same conclusion; I had genuine feelings for Rodrigo. I asked for your help because, I was hoping you would give me a different opinion." she said sadly while also pouting.
What?! she already knew of this and didn't tell me anything?! This was a waste! She thought irritatingly.
"But if you and Dr. Bliss came up with the same conclusion, why did you need a second opinion?" she asked, trying to hide her irritation.
"Because I can't stand to lose him Pheebs, ok?! Rodrigo is one of the few friends that I have, and now, fate has decided to play its cruel tricks on me yet again, and I am now falling for him. How do you think that makes me feel? This is some cruel joke! Not only am I now panicking about having feelings for someone else, but I am now at risk in losing a friend!" she exclaimed while panting.
"I'm sorry Pheebs, I didn't mean to yell at you. You are the smartest person that I know and I was hoping that you would be able to find...a different way. I don't know why I thought so. I just can't seem to have any peace of mind in my life! I can no longer enjoy my time with Rodrigo as a friend. I now have to watch my every move, every word I say to him to not encourage my feelings from developing any further! Rodrigo is no longer a benefit, but is now a burden! What was the point in having him in my life, only to risk losing him as a friend?! Please tell me that Pheebs!" she continued to exclaim almost hysterically.
Phoebe understood Helga's frustration, but unfortunately had no answer to her question. She remained silent.
Helga simply throw herself on her bed, while putting her hand in face.
"Helga, you won't lose Rodrigo as a friend. He cares about you deeply and he will not allow this to get in the way with your friendship with him. I'm sure he will make the same amount of effort to ensure he does not come between you and Arnold." Phoebe tried to reassure her.
"You sound so sure." she said.
"I am. I have seen how two have bonded so fast, and how close you guys have become. He cherishes his friends and you are his friend and he will not do anything to hurt you." she continued.
"You just need to give it time for this to pass. In time, you will be with Arnold again and Rodrigo will still be by your side. And so will I."
"Thanks Pheebs," said Helga, as she extended her arm to grab Phoebe's hand.
After some further small talk, Phoebe said her goodbye and went home, having a lot of homework to catch up.
Helga continued to lie on her bed, feeling utterly frustrated and unable to move. She wished she could tell Phoebe about her actual relationship status with Arnold, but she was not yet ready to make it public. She was still resisting in coming to terms with it. As she continued to lay there, she pondered about her two options; either ensure things do not change and continue to keep the status quo, or...or perhaps...move on?
No, I mustn't think that. I already lost him physically, I cannot lose him in my memories; that's all I have of him. She thought sadly.
Helga also knew another reason why it has been so hard to come to terms with it. Loving Arnold had been so engrained into her, that her identity developed around it. No, it became her identity. Her entire existence had been to be with Arnold. But now that he is gone, Helga was having a difficult time in accepting the reality of having to dismantle this identity. Even more so, she felt that if she came to terms with it, then all the years of obsessing, of waiting for over him, of waiting to one day be with him, would have amounted to nothing. All that energy, all the creativity, all the bullying and the abuse that she inflicted on him, of going to San Lorenzo and almost getting killed, all of it would have been for nothing! Helga felt that she had invested too much of herself over the years to simply let it go.
But what else can I offer? I have put everything into this and I have gained virtually nothing out of it. How much more can I go on? Why should I continue to invest in this? I am no longer with Arnold, he broke up with me, and yet, I still cannot let this go. She thought bitterly,
No longer having the energy to continue thinking about this, she rolled around, found the letter for Arnold that she had started writing and proceeded to finish it.
Arnold my dearest, here is my confession; I have never stopped loving you. Even after you broke up with me, I have remained not only faithful, but even hopeful of us being together again. I have been enduring this pain, this emptiness for almost three years. I can no longer bear it. It is slowly eroding me away from myself. As the days go by, I feel more and more hopeless, my faith slowly continues to erode away, my happiness, gone, my future, there never was one. What am I, but a wreck, empty shell of myself? What more can I do? What else is there for me to do? I am clinging on to a fantasy that had disappeared long ago. I am clinging on to an identity that was blown away by your flight almost three years ago. Again, what am I? Only a wind, a whisper of what once was...of what could have been.
Helga had to stop writing in order to wipe away tears that were falling down her eyes. It was just there when she finally made her decision.
Yet, I am unable let you go, I mustn't let you go. You are all the drives me forward, the only thing that makes me get up in the morning. You are all I have left, football head. But I am now contemplating the impossible. I am now considering what only months prior, I thought I would never do; move on. I can no longer bear this torture. I am taking this first step: acknowledging my feelings for Rodrigo and now I am contemplating if I should follow up on them.
I am sorry my beloved. I am so sorry for making you endure all those years of bullying, of humiliation, only for me to move on. I am sorry for ever hoping to one day be with you. I hope you will one day forgive me.
Love always,
Helga G. Pataki
My reason for making this chapter is because I wanted to provide further insight into Helga's psychology and what she might be feeling, so I had Rodrigo team up with Phoebe in order to do this and to further give Phoebe more presence into this story. However, I also didn't want to patronize Helga, which is why it should not be surprising that Helga already knew about all of this; she just wasn't willing to admit it. But alas, Phoebe having drawn the same conclusion, she now has to come to terms with her feelings for Rodrigo. We shall see where that takes her.