"Tell me about the shadows, River."
"They were in suits."
"How can shadows be in suits?"
"Space suits. They ate the hosts and borrowed their bones."
"What did they want with you?"
"Nothing in particular. We were in their home."
"We?"
"My crew. It was a mission with the Lux Foundation."
"What was the mission."
"He didn't tell me because I didn't sign the paper."
"Did you find out anyway?"
"Yes. There was a girl trapped in a computer."
"Why?"
"Because she was dying?"
"And what was so important about her?"
"She saved 4022 people."
"How."
"By uploading them."
"Saved them from what?"
"The shadows."
"Did you save them?"
"I think so…"
"Then how did you leave?"
"I don't think I did."
"Why not?"
"I was uploaded."
"Why?"
"Because I was dead."
-x-
It's embarrassing.
Breakfast is cold again. It's not her fault that she can't eat it fast enough while it's still warm. Vastra never comments but offers to reheat it for the first few days. River refuses each time.
It's not that River minds cold food— it's nothing she's not used to, but now it represents the slowness of her own body to heal rather than the cold hand of superiors.
"Take your time," Vastra always says when River slams down her utensil in frustration. "Eating slowly is better than not eating at all. You need it to heal." It's almost maternal and River feels she ought to be patronized but finds herself appreciative of how the woman cares, even though she's essentially a stranger.
The story comes out slowly. At first the assumption is that it's hard for River to talk about, but Vastra realizes she's just having trouble remembering it all.
"I had a baby," River said on the first day when she woke up.
"I know," Vastra replied. "You've been passing clots all week."
"I think it was a girl."
"Was she healthy?"
"I don't know. She was crying. They took her away."
"Who took her away?"
"The… um… those women." That's where it got fuzzy. Vastra didn't comment at the series of frowns River made as she strained her mind. "I asked them to. They were going to hurt her."
"The women?"
"Rassilon."
"You were on Gallifrey?"
"I think so."
"How did you end up there?"
"They brought me there."
"The women?"
"Rassilon."
"From where?"
"The… the um… there was a ship. And it hurt. I think they were, um, building me?"
"Building you?"
"New body."
"What happened to your old one?"
"Shadows."
"Shadows?"
"I… I don't know."
For just waking up after a healing coma, Vastra was impressed that River remembered anything. She started an investigation board that day with key notes: baby, Rassilon, and shadows.
It's only fair, as the days passed, that Vastra returned the favor and gave River the information she needed.
"You're a Silurian," River said the second day when she tried to see if she could walk.
"And you are not," said Vastra as she helped River.
"What are you doing on the countryside? This isn't your house."
"You remember my house?"
"A bit? I think… London… old London."
"We're on vacation."
"We?"
"Jenny and I."
"Your… wife. Short. Human. That maid who keeps bringing me tea?"
"That's right."
"How do I know you?"
"We've been friends for decades, River. Even I can't remember where we started. Probably through the Doctor."
"The Doctor? Do I know them too?"
"Very well," Vastra hummed and River couldn't stop her hearts from fluttering at the implications.
"How well?"
"Based on your letters, I'd say better than any two people in the universe might know each other."
"Letters?"
"From your time on Darillium."
"Darillium…"
"I was under the impression that that is where you two were staying for the past 20 years or so."
"24 years…" River said quietly.
And breakfast is cold this morning. Vastra is off looking for the letters. There's dozens according to her, but River finds herself staring at her meal like it might bite her. These letters had her life in them, didn't they? At least the last couple of decades of it. Would it be something she didn't want to remember or something she needed as much as air?
One thing she can remember is that she hates waiting. The anxiety of it isn't worth the result most of the time. There's no distractions here, only breakfast and the gray morning sky outside the window.
It's not a bad place for a vacation if one is always in a crowded city, River admits to herself. The are stretches of grass here that go for miles and enough trees for an orchard. She thinks there must be water nearby. She's been hearing it for days, but hasn't the strength to look for it.
The fork she threw across the table lies dully reflecting light on the opposite chair. A green hand picks it up and places it next to River's plate. "You don't have to be so hard on yourself," Vastra murmurs.
"I used to be capable of so much," River huffs, "You should have seen me."
"I have seen you. And I'll see it again. You'll get there, River."
River sighs, hoping to change the subject. Vastra picks this up and places a tall bundle of paper on the table. River stares.
"Darillium," Vastra states, "is a planet a bit bigger than Earth. There are towers where you stayed. They sang when the wind blew through them—" she pauses as River starts humming. It's a tune Vasta has seen written down and she pulls out the letter where the notes are written down.
River takes the letter, staring at her own handwriting. This is what the towers sound like when the sky is clear and the moons are full is written right above a few bars of music. I'll send you an audio later. I like the feel of a pen in my hand now that I'm not teaching full time—
River stops humming. "Was I a teacher?"
"A professor of archaeology."
"Why archaeology?"
"You said something about loving an old ruin, I believe."
River grabs the next letter from the top of the pile, laying the other one aside. He brings me flowers on Tuesdays. We don't have Tuesdays, but when ever he thinks it's Tuesday peonies appear all over the house. The cat likes to try to eat them.
"He was grey wasn't he?" River breathes.
"Who?"
"The cat. This says I had a cat."
"Oh, Valorie. Yes, she was a russian blue, very handsome. There's a picture somewhere, I think." Vastra starts moving letters aside, looking for the photo.
River picks up another letter. The Doctor got sun lamps for the kitchen. He says it's for Val but I think he's worried about me. I tell him we travel enough that I get plenty of sun but you know him. Sentimental man always.
-The Doctor bought a new chair and Val won't let him sit on it without her.
-The Doctor got seeds and says he wants to start a garden.
-The Doctor killed all the plants in the garden.
-I bought flowers that thrive without sunlight. I seem to have a bit of a green thumb.
-Val ate my potato stalks, need to replant them with fencing.
-The Doctor adds fertilizer to the plants when he thinks I don't notice.
Vastra hands River a photograph. The cat is in it, sitting on River's lap. Next to her is a man with grey hair and a warm smile. His arm is around her shoulders and she seems relaxed to his touch.
The picture shakes as a drop of water hits it. River reaches to touch her cheeks and finds them wet. She turns slowly and meets Vastra's eye. "Where is my husband?"