Chapter 5 : Reality
Two months since Sasuke's coming back. Sakura had been with him in most of her free time. Sakura still didn't tell her friends or parents that she's in a relationship. Oh with and with who ! Sasuke. An ex-rogue, internationally wanted Uchiha who almost cold-bloodly killed here more than 2 times and who wants her company, to touch her, kiss her and more, but clearly says that he has no feelings for her.
Sakura's not ready to be honest with them yet, nor lie to them and the reason isn't her anxiety but her fear from Sasuke. She doesn't want to annoy him with her parents, it's almost a miracle that they, finally, got together, that she's able to feel Sasuke's kisses and cuddles, his affection. She's not going to make him feel uncomfortable. He said he wants her as his home, and that means marriage, so everything will be alright, it's just a matter of time. As for children, her parents may be deceived to learn one day that they'll never be grandparents. It saddened her. She wonders there if she's not selfish for deciding that she'll never have children. Well, it's life.
On the Hokage's tower, Sasuke was talking with Kakashi when he noticed his girlfriend approaching the building with Naruto. He was temporarily distracted when Naruto put his hand on Sakura's head, patting her like a child, his eyes went dark for a moment.
Kakashi who had saw his two other students, noticed Sasuke's face's twitch. He didn't hesitate asking "What's wrong with them ?"
Turning to face his ex-teacher, so rapidly, having a faint smirk answering with a "nothing".
Reaching their ground, when Sakura met Sasuke's eyes, her face reddened at the memory of the promise she gave him about tonight. They'll spend the night together for the first time.
"Yo ! Kakashi-sensei ! Sasuke ! How are you ?" asked the obvious blonde.
"Fine, fine ! You're a little late. Come, let's discuss something in my office."
Kakashi noticed a change in behavior between Sasuke and Sakura lately but knows nothing else about what's going on. If both will leave the Hokage Tower together, then he's ready to bet that they're in a relationship.
Kakashi felt like he was in his first days on Team 7. Naruto's mind was on Sakura, wanting to tell her something, Sakura so distracted, blushing, by Sasuke's presence near her, and Sasuke who looked like he was paying attention and being serious have his mind charged with other matters.
Kakashi repeated himself without anyone noticing. Great. I'm talking to myself. He suddenly stopped talking.
Realization. Sasuke and Sakura noticed that he may have said something important while their minds where elsewhere, but Naruto who didn't matured at all was still focused on Sakura and couldn't hold his question to himself anymore "Maaaaaah ! SAKURA-CHAN !" shocking the three adults around him. "Can you please tell me why you're like this today ? What's so special ?"
Kakashi smiled deeply thanking Naruto for spelling out-loud their shared questioning. His suspicions grew stronger when Sakura hesitated to answer looking furiously around with a reddened face that paused on Sasuke who looked away right away. Double great.
"What do you mean Naruto ?" The blonde was weirdly looking at her and then turned to look at Sasuke on his other side "Say, you, don't you think she's so nicely dressed today ? Cute make-up ? And a discreet hairdo ? Huuuuum…" The Uchiha got a slight blush and simply looked away, not answering him. "Are you having a date tonight or something like that, Sakura-chan ?"
She wanted to quick Naruto to Hinata from the Hokage's Tower but she doesn't dare to move stupidly and freely with Sasuke around. She can just melt and calm down.
"YES ! And I'm late ! Bye !"
Sakura just left the Hokage's office furiously embarrassed. Naruto was still gazing at the door she just snapped behind her in a detective and suspicious way. Kakashi sighted, releasing his muscles and his weight on his chair.
"WHAT ?!" exclaimed the blonde, 5 minutes later, while Sasuke was resuming the earlier talk with Kakashi. "SHE'S DATING SOMEONE ?!" he yelled, his hands on his head, running around Kakashi's desk to stop in front of Sasuke "AND IT'S NOT YOU ?" Sasuke looked away with his trademark "Hn" making Naruto dash toward the door screaming "SAKURA-CHAAAAAAAA…" – the door got shut again.
Sasuke couldn't speak anymore with his teammates' childish behavior, he had his eyes looking through the window, sunset. Kakashi's eyes didn't leave him.
"Excuse-me. I guess we should leave this talk to another time."
"No problem."
Sasuke joined Sakura on a spot they used to meet in. They're heading to her house, she has to tell her parents that she'll be absent tonight so they won't worry, knowing she's not on a mission. On the road, Sasuke questioned her if Kakashi and Naruto knew anything. She answered in a negative way, assuring him that she'll find a way to fool Naruto.
"Don't make things so obvious."
Obvious ? What's obvious ? Dressing in a happier way ? That she's going to enjoy herself with someone ? Or maybe that she's in a relationship ? Sakura felt that Sasuke doesn't want the others to know anything about them. Ok… But until when ? And why so ?
"Ok"
Sakura notified her parents and left so rapidly. When she was about to open the front-door of the house, she wondered when is she going to tell her parents that she has a boyfriend. She hesitated to take the doorknob in her hand. What am I to Sasuke ? Surely nothing special.
The doorknob looked so far to reach. Sakura hesitated on leaving the house. Nothing special is going to happen. He may want sex from her. That's all. He may want to use her. Sex frightened her at that special moment. Girlfriend wasn't a word he used to define her, she still ignores what she was to him and doesn't have the will to ask him because she may push him away by such a thought or simply annoy him. Maybe Sasuke thinks that marriage is nothing now that he can't have children. Maybe she looked just as a lover to him.
About to cry, she forced herself to be positive. Well, at least he chose her as a lover and not someone else. She should be happy about this. She's going to know if he has any meaning in his eyes tonight.
Sakura opened the door.
Sasuke opened the door of his bedroom and pulled the curtain on the window while Sakura entered timidly. He returned to face her and an awkward silence set between them. He invited her to sit on the only support she can sit on : the bed, and she did. After asking her if she wanted to drink or eat anything and had a negative answer, Sasuke set next to her, leaving a space between them.
It's time to question the core. … Or maybe not.
With a quarter of an hour, she was half naked on his bed that she dyed in a crimson colour, the coloration coming from where he's hurting her while he's feeling pleasure. It was so rapid. He forced himself on her silently kissing and nibbling her along with undressing her. He looked in a hurry to finish all this. He wasn't enjoying what he was doing nor giving her body any attention. As for her feelings or thoughts, he totally didn't care. He is cold true, and she knew that but never imagined him being this cold. He took her virginity and the only comment he could give her when discovering that what a confused expression with a "how could you be a virgin for this long ?" that was his only words since he asked her if she wanted anything.
He got his orgasm. He whispered a thank you in her ear and lied next to her. When his breath regained a calmer rhythm, he turned his back to her, face the wall and kept silent, about to sleep.
Sakura's tears didn't stop since he penetrated her. Silently, the tears were falling on the sides of her face. She never wished for anything like this. Her womanhood was still hurting after having her maidenhood deflowered. She wished for softer words than a thank you as if she was his prostitute he paid with a thanking.
"Sasuke-kun ?"
Silence.
Roaming in the labyrinth of her mind, she faced the intersection again and have to choose between love and pride again. She's a strong woman and like she wouldn't allow a friend of her to let her man use her, she shouldn't allow this to herself. If now, that they're a fresh couple, their first time ever, he's been so non-caring, so selfish, what's awaiting their relationship?
Flipping to her side painfully, giving him her back, she told herself that she's no more a maiden now. She has been silly enough her whole life thinking of him while he never looked at her. She kept herself a virgin just fantasying about such a night. What did she got from him ? What did she expect ? More respect ? That he would value her more ? Applaud her for keeping a virgin this long ? He laughed at her. Tears were falling endlessly.
He doesn't want the closest people to them to know anything about their relationship. Maybe to him she's just the Sakura she's always been. Nothing changed beside them being adult now. According to his earlier reaction, he surely had enjoyed countless women on bed, slept with so many he neither enjoyed the act not cared too much. He has no feelings for her after, why would he.
Annoying. Sasuke thought. He could feel her silent sobbing. His orgasm tired him slightly and he was too sleepy to try talk to her. Maybe he hurt her a little. He'll ask her pardon tomorrow. There's no need to rush.
Remembering a person's desire from his past, he wondered for a moment if she was upset at him in case he didn't please her. But thinking that she was still a virgin until tonight, she surely doesn't care about something like orgasm or maybe beside for a medical knowledge knows nothing about it. It's going to be alright.
Waking up in the morning, Sasuke found himself alone in his bed and room. No trace of the pink-haired woman. He stood, noticing the huge blood spot on the bed, and headed to the bathroom. She's not here. He took a light bath noticing some more blood leaving him. He remembered a detail from the latter night, that he released himself inside of her and wondered why would he remember such a thing that means nothing to a sterile man.
Leaving the bathroom and entering the kitchen, he realized that she totally left. Entering back to his room, he noticed a paper on the ground, must have fallen from the bed when he rose from it : "I didn't want to wake you up, but I have work today and have to go home."
It was 5 A.M. by then. And she left even earlier.
She at least would have left half an hour ago. Why so ? Weird. But anyway, as long as she's not causing any annoying drama, it was ok with him.
Having her parts cleaned from blood and what remained from Sasuke's seed she went back to her room and hugged her pillow for a deeper cry. After keeping all this time virgin for a special night, she felt like trash. Like he had used her like a meaningless tool. She felt her pride so stained she wasn't ready to face him ever again.
It should be over. She can't stand being his lover, his sex toy. He didn't bother even for a single affectionate word. She was ready to sacrifice even more, but didn't expected such coldness from the whole beginning. That's too much terrifying. All she wanted right now was to erase the past two months from her memory and would have told Sasuke in that full moon night that she already moved on or that she's simply not ready to sacrifice more.
It's still not late yet though, to change this depressive reality.
Next Chapter : Honesty
"君の命が春(HARU)を待てずに | Your life depends on the spring
秒読みを始めて | The countdown had began
僕が描いた夢や未来は消えた | I saw a dream, where this future disappear
泡沫のように | Seems so ephemeral"
Anonymous Confederate Ensemble - SAKURA
Post Scriptum : I'm really sorry for my non adapted enough language.
I will be arranging the writing from time to time.
If anyone is interested in a correction or an advice, it's so welcomed.
Thank you Sasusakuhart for your review, I'll give more efforts to make it up !