7:34 PM
Everything after that was a blur. At some point mom, dad, and Jen got there and helped me into the car, taking me home, trying to be strong though I saw right through it. But at this point I just refused to believe that my siblings were gone. It couldn't be that I would never again get to cheer from the sidelines as I watch Joe race down the field, or tease him about Karen and Janessa hugging him in front of his teammates, when I know full well he's well aware I told them to and doesn't mind. I would never again get to pretend I was bored attending another of Karen's concerts, when really I truly wanted to be there to hear her sing, or hug her until she claims that I'm squishing her even though I can feel her snuggling into the warmth of my chest. It didn't seem real that I had lost all that in an instant. And more than that, it didn't seem fair. Why them? I'm not saying I'd rather it had been Jen, but I would have preferred it was me over any of my siblings. I was the oldest. I was supposed to keep them safe. And I had failed my job. I hadn't made it in time. I should have gone with them. I shouldn't have started all this in the first place. But I suppose what's done is done.
4:07 AM
Mom and dad told me to sleep. I've been pretending. I can't sleep. I'm going to found out who killed my siblings and I'm going to kill them. I know that's not the kind of justice dad taught us, but desperate times call for desperate measures. And this is the most desperate I've ever been. I miss them so much it's overwhelming.
11:46 AM
I got a note in the mail a little while ago. I haven't told mom or dad about it. Their grieving process could get in the way of their judgement and they could end up trying to stop me. The note read as follows;
"Missing something? Give up, Hardy boy."
No. I'm not giving up. Bring it on.