I started writing " Autumn in my heart" because I was in a very dark place and was haunted by my own demons. They scared me day and night and I have almost gave up on any happiness in life. Some people are born to be sad forever, that was what I thought. But things can change for the better gradually and with right people around. The gloomy heart can beat again and a simple act of breathing in and out can bring ecstasy. I am alive now, I breathe with a happy song in my heart.
They danced so closely, so intimately and Piper could feel Alex's breaths on her. She loved her intoxicated state, she can blame it later. She wrapped her arms around Alex which took Alex by surprise but she liked that very much. They bodies were crashing and they were holding hands when that song ends. Alex saw the smile in Piper's face and wondered whether she would be too drunk to remember this night.
I repeated: come with me, as if I were dying,
and no one saw in my mouth the moon that was bleeding,
no one saw the blood that was rising into the silence.
Oh love, now let us forget the star with thorns!"
― Pablo Neruda, 100 Love Sonnets
Piper's lips almost touched Alex's warm pink lips but Alex tilted her head backwards to avoid the kiss. What is she doing? What is Piper doing? It's like taking advantage of the drunk Piper and Alex was never a one like that. She loved a good challenge and she loved to be honest with herself. There was an attraction she did not want to deny but they hardly know each other and kissing was something more intimate. Alex's move took Piper by surprise and feelings of shame was overwhelming. She was strongly attracted to Alex and that feeling of rejection was too much for her to bear. She had to be in control but with Alex it was almost impossible. She slowly broke the embrace and walked away, dejected.
"Piper"
She heard Alex calling her but she did not turn back. Alex kept following her and as Piper was moving forward she heard a rumbling in her stomach and bitterness in her mouth. Not now. Not now. She changed her course of walking and turned to the ladies room. When Alex found her she was puking, too much vodka.
"Are you okay?"
"Yes"
"Let me help you"
"I can look after myself Alex. I am your boss, for Christ's sake."
It was a fucking arrogant statement which made Alex silent. Alex wanted to hold Piper to her body, help her and make Piper feel her presence but this was not the right time and definitely not the right place. Anyway she watched Piper like a hawk and Piper after her act of shame walked towards her hotel room. The night would have been different but Alex Vause did not fall for her charm and in Piper's eyes, it was a first.
Alex closed her hotel room's door and hit the showers. Piper Chapman amazed her, her ways intrigued her. If she allowed herself, she would not be on her bed tonight, rest assured. That thought made Alex smirk and she came out of the bathroom, drying herself up. Dressed herself in the comfort of her pajamas, she opened the mini fridge and grabbed a beer and opened her laptop. That PC84 had not commented on anything. Oh, well, never mind. She thought of writing something to let her mind drift from the confused reality.
I never thought I would write soliloquies
Digging graves of my past
Trying to unearth buried love…
Piper woke up the next day with a throbbing head and a parched throat. It was the first day of the conference and she had to be in her absolute best. After taking a cold shower and dressing up, she walked towards the conference room and seeing Alex in her stunning self made her legs go all wobbly. After the fiasco last night she decided to give the cold shoulder to Alex and did not even looked at her, which left Alex puzzled and amused. Piper was acting as if she was a teenager were Alex's thoughts. All her life it was her who was in charge of a relationship but she would like to see someone taking control for a change. But Piper was not giving away. She looked like the cold hearted ice princess. She avoided Alex's gaze and answered with one word or two for most of the questions Alex asked her, regarding the conference and Alex was not stupid to read the signs, back off. With her charms, there was absolutely nothing Alex could not have but Alex liked games too. If this is what Piper Chapman wants, this is exactly what she is gonna get. It was painful to sit next to Piper but not talking. And they did everything within their power not to see each other on their own in the next day and half. It was always with others and both of them were fully aware of the fact that they were avoiding each other.
But when they were driving back home, they could not do it because journey home means they have to sit in the same vehicle, for hours. When Alex was driving, she deliberately let her hand touch Piper's and she was shocked to see the sparks. It was as if she touched a thunderbolt and wondered whether Piper felt the same.
I love to write like a madman likes the moon
I need to release my pain
It kills me,eats me inside
Pricking my eyes, stabbing my heart
There is a rush,of words
Like a river
But now I feel frozen…
Piper wanted to forget about all what happened for the last forty eight hours, especially the way she threw herself and how Alex rejected her and that moment their hands bruised and how sparks flew all over. She was eating her favourite ice cream, Häagen-Dazs, a good way to forget things that were no longer material to her. Alex Vause was an arrogant one and she was determined to avoid her as much as she could. She clicked on her favorite blog, loveamongotherthings Oh, there are new poems. She was absolutely stunned by the way this blogger wrote her poetry and prose. She felt a deep sense of longing to know him or her. It was obvious he or she is so much pain. Every word was perfectly agonizing.
I love to write like a madman likes the moon
I need to release my pain
It kills me,eats me inside
Pricking my eyes, stabbing my heart
This person is really, really in pain and Piper felt it in her bones. The words were so intense and she was almost falling in love with these words. Intensity in a person was something she adored. Larry was useless in that department or in any department. Since of late he has become a mere companion and they were falling out which was fine. She was never quite fond of Larry and it was Larry who chased her. Initially the chase was good but then it has lost the spark and they were dangerously moving into a comfort zone which Piper detested. Normal and easy was not her things. She loved to see someone with fire and passions and with intensity. The more she followed this blog, the more she thought about this mysterious A.V.
She almost typed " I love you poet" but checked herself and changed it into " I love the intensity in your poetry. Let the emotions flow, do not stop it. May you be free of your pain." she loved if she could get to know this enigma of a person. There was no way to know but to follow the blog. She decided to be patient and not wear her heart on her sleeve.