Sister Julienne hands Patsy a handkerchief, and squeezes her hand.
"I am not here to judge you," Sister Julienne reminds her, in a soft tone of voice.
"I keep asking myself why this has happened to me. I keep praying that I find an answer, but I fear that there simply isn't one."
"There is always an answer. Sometimes it just isn't the answer we are prepared to hear. Other times it is simply not the answer we were hoping to hear."
"I am so, sorry. I have let you down."
"You haven't let me down."
"Yes, I have. I have let everyone down. I can barely say two words to anyone. I am so afraid that if I do I will just break down. We both know that I am not an overly emotional person. I feel incredibly emotional, and weak right now. It is terrifying to feel this vulnerable."
"The two are not synonymous. I have never known you to be weak."
"Is this where you tell me that you are going to have to relieve me of my duties?"
Sister Julienne furrows her brow, "What would make you think that?"
"This is obviously a very poor reflection on my character."
"I am not going to relieve you of your duties. I was going to ask approximately how long ago this dinner was, so I could determine whether or not my tools would be of any use."
"Based on my experience plenty of time has elapsed."
That night as Patsy lies in bed, she considers what to make of her earlier interaction with sister Julienne. She wonders what to say when the others ask why she has been taken off rotation for a day. She shifts beneath her covers, and eventually falls into a peaceful deep sleep, the first she has achieved in many months. When she awakens she finds the sun streaming into her window. She rolls onto her side, and finds that her roommate has already vacated the room. She slowly collects her belongings, and begins her morning routine. Eventually she makes her way to the kitchen, and finds Sister Monica Joan reading the newspaper, and sipping a cup of tea. She takes a seat next to her, after retrieving some crackers out of the cupboard. She pours herself a cup of tea, and sips it slowly.
"I was thrilled not to pass you as a ship in the night, last eve."
"I was exhausted, and after a long chat with sister Julienne I found myself slightly at ease."
"Did you tell her?"
"I didn't have to. Apparently, it was not news to her."
"Do you feel any sense of relief?"
"Slightly. Instead of feeling as if I am carrying a mountain, it feels as if I am only carrying an elephant."
"Did you know that the period of gestation for an elephant can be eighteen to twenty two months?"
"Luckily for all of us the period of gestation for human babies is much shorter."
"This is not a secret you can keep much longer," Sister Monica Joan comments at she studies Patsy.
She exhales, "I know that."
"May I ask why you are struggling with this development so much?"
She shrugs, "There are approximately a million reasons."
"What about the top two, or three?"
"This is not something I ever anticipated, or really wanted."
"I see. Do you still feel that way?"
She sinks into the seat next to the elderly sister, "Almost all of the time."
"It is easy to be terrified of the unknown. I can certainly empathize with that. Each day I wake up wondering if today is the day I forget where the bathroom is."
"You never seem to worry about forgetting where the cake is."
Sister Monica Joan grins, "Some things are deeply ingrained into my memory."
"I don't know how to go about telling people."
"You fear their judgment?"
"Among other things. I don't want to hurt them. Sometimes I think that it may be easier, but I often find myself at a loss for words. This is not a situation that I have any experience with on a personal level."
"I find that two opinions are better than one, especially if one of them is mine," Sister Monica Joan begins.
"Go on."
"When you are ready to speak of things that you hold close to your heart, chose to tell just one person. It only takes a second of bravery."
"I wouldn't know where to begin."
"I find that the truth tends to be a good starting point."
"Says the woman who continues to remove poison, so we will continue to have rats, so she can blame them for missing cake."
"I fear I do not know what you are referring to."
"I am struggling, because I don't know how to explain something to people I care about, when I cannot even explain it to myself. There are so many questions that I cannot answer."
"Faith is the bird that feels the light when the dawn is still dark," Sister Monica Joan quotes.
"I am not as well versed in scripture as you are," Patsy reminds her.
"That isn't a scripture. It is a quote from a poet," Sister Monica Joan rolls her eyes.
Later that evening Patsy has just settled into bed, and is reading a gossip rag, in an attempt to distract herself from reality. The room is barely illuminated by the lamp near her bed. The door opens, and her roommate enters the room, in her pajamas. Trixie closes the door behind her, and takes as seat on the edge of her bed. For several moments she stares at Patsy in utter silence. Patsy is reading a magazine, with her covers tucked under her arms, as she leans against the headboard. Feeling prying eyes on her, she stops reading, and makes eye contact with Trixie.
"I am nearly done if you want to catch up on your reading."
"Patsy, we have been roommates for some time."
"We have."