Her eyes widen, as she makes eye contact with Delia. Her thoughts are racing, and she isn't sure what to say, or ask next. For the first time she has a sudden overwhelming realization that the secret she held so close for so many months now lives outside her body. Her typically stoic face twists, and contorts as tears slide from her eyes down her cheeks. She quickly wipes them away, not wanting to show weakness.
She looks up, and sees the look on Delia's face. Delia stares back at her, and wears a look of confusion, concern, and betrayal. Patsy wants to explain, but all she can think about is the tiny human recently removed from her body.
"Are you sure that everything is okay?"
"He is perfectly fine. He is at Nonnatus, and Sister Monica Joan will not let him out of her sight, from what I hear."
"He?"
"Definitely a he," Delia nods in confirmation.
"How did I end up here?" She questions, feeling disoriented.
"You started to hemorrhage, and lost consciousness."
"Oh," her heart sinks yet again.
"The bleeding had nearly stopped by the time that you reached the hospital."
"I…" she trails off.
"They did an exam. They were concerned that your uterus may have ruptured."
"Oh, I see," suddenly she finds herself wondering if all of her vital organs are still intact.
"Since the bleeding stopped, they came to the conclusion that it did not. They opted not to do surgery. You did require some suturing, from the extensive tearing, though. There is still some concern that your uterus may still rupture."
"When can I go home?"
"They want to monitor you for a while, but it sounded as if the doctor would be agreeable to releasing you tomorrow, if there were no further complications."
"I am sorry."
"We will discuss it later," Delia suggests, "You need to rest now." The look on her face suggests to Patsy that it is not a subject she is ready to tackle.
Patsy doesn't respond. She simply wears a weary look on her face.
"I can telephone Nonnatus, and see if they can bring him here, if you want."
The following morning she pretends not to be writhing in pain as the doctor signs her discharge order. Delia helps her into a wheelchair. The car ride home is bumpy, and mostly silent. When they arrive at Nonnatus house Delia helps her inside. She leads her into the sitting room, where they find Sister Monica Joan contently holding the newborn baby. Patsy sinks into an armchair.
"I have to go to clinic. I am going to leave you in Sister Monica Joan's capable hands. Trixie is here for the time being, she hasn't been called out yet."
"Okay," Patsy nods.
Delia leaves the room, and Sister Monica Joan vacates her seat on the couch. She crosses the room, and stops a few paces away from Patsy.
"Would you like to get acquainted?"
"I would like nothing more," she says on the verge of tears.
Sister Monica Joan grins widely, as she places the newborn into Patsy's waiting arms.
"It is my pleasure to present your son."
"My son," she whispers.
Patsy hesitantly receives the newborn into her arms. Monica Joan leans in close, studying nurse Mount's facial expression.
"Would you like some time alone, or would you prefer for me to stay?"
"Can you stay nearby?" She responds, her voice shaking.
"A little birdie told me that there is cobbler in the kitchen."
For several moments after Sister Monica Joan leaves the room Patsy focuses straight in front of her. She doesn't shift her glance to the chunky infant lying in her arms. She feels movement, and casts her glance in a downward direction. She is met by a pair of slate colored eyes. The quiet baby stares up at her, as if they are old acquaintances. She swallows hard, as he stares up at her. She exhales, and slowly begins to examine him, something she did not get the opportunity to do before losing consciousness, and being whisked away to the hospital.
He wears a knitted cap on his head, which is mint green in color. His eyes are currently blue. His cheeks are full, and he has a dimpled chin. He is wrapped in a white blanket. One hand finds its way towards his mouth. She quickly counts his fingers as he proceeds to insert two of them into his mouth. She remains silent as she carefully unwraps him. She finds that he is wearing a gown. She quickly counts the fingers on his other hand. She gently retracts the bottom of the gown and counts his tiny toes. He begins to whimper as she touches his feet. She pulls the gown down to cover him. She shifts in the chair, and places him in her lap. Finally she breaks her silence.
"I am very certain that I am not any good at this. I haven't the slightest idea what I am doing," She explains, as tears trail down her cheeks. She slips the green knitted cap off his head, and discovers a thick layer of dishwater colored hair. She runs her fingers through his hair. After a few moments she replaces his cap, and wraps him in his blanket. She stares at him, uncertain what to do next. She feels a swirl of emotions as she looks at him. Mostly she feels uncertain. Their peaceful moment is soon interrupted by the sound of him crying. The vein in his forehead pulsates as he cries. His face grows red as he grows louder.
Within a few moments Sister Monica Joan re-enters the room from the kitchen. She stops at the armchair, and finds that both mother, and baby are crying. She has a cloth napkin in her hand, from her cobbler eating escapades. She hands it to Patsy. Patsy takes the napkin, but does not make eye contact. She simply stares at the wailing infant.
"I'm sorry," she tells him.
"I can take him," Sister Monica Joan volunteers, reminding Patsy, that she is still a capable human being.
"I…" Pasty begins with a hint of panic in her voice.
"You didn't do anything wrong," Sister Monica Joan says gently reassures her.
"How do you know? What if the thought of having me as a mother is just too overwhelming for him?"
Sister Monica Joan points to the clock on the wall, "Because it is simply time for him to eat. He is hungry. You have done nothing wrong."
She nods, and she repositions the baby. He screams louder.
"I will go prepare a bottle. Can you hold him until I return? Rest assured that Nurse Julienne does not trust my eyes anymore, and has already measured out the powered milk for me."
"Ok."