CHAPTER 2

Mac had made up the sofa for him although his 6'4 frame would likely find it uncomfortable. Part of her wanted to ask him to sleep by her side but, she couldn't in the same bed she'd had sex with Clay in. It wouldn't be fair to either man. "I'll be fine here, Mac. Get some rest." He had said removing his jacket as he watched her retreat to the bedroom.

Harm noticed that she hadn't closed the door, leaving it half open. It was an invitation for him to check on her which he did a little over an hour later to find Mac fast asleep. He stared at her in the darkness wishing he could ease the pain she was feeling. For the last year their relationship had been chaotic at best and downright hostile at its worst.

He hoped to mend things and make her whole again - to find the rhythm they had lost. He wanted to be in her life as her partner, her friend, her lover and be the man she needed. He was tired of watching her be happy with someone else when he loved her this much.

"Goodnight." Harm said softly as he stepped away from the door and to his makeshift bed. He sat on the sofa, the only light coming from a lamp on the side table and he stared at the soft shadows on her walls. How long would he have to wait for her? A week? A month? A year? He wasn't a patient man and this would likely wear him down although he was up to the challenge. After Renee, Harm just hadn't wanted to be with anyone else although he had plenty of opportunities. He was tired of meaningless sex and relationships that didn't provide him any joy.

He wanted what Bud and Harriet had and he wanted it with Mac. Forever. Somehow, she had woven herself into his life and he just didn't want to live it without her.

With a sigh, he stood and walked over to her french doors, staring at the city below. Part of him wanted to give her an ultimatum, an expiration as to how much longer he was willing to wait for her. At some point, he had to move on if she wasn't interested.

But, for now, he would be the caring friend, the shoulder she needed while Mac dealt with endro… endo… He frowned, unable to remember the exact term she had used. It wasn't cancer, she assured him but, it ground to a halt the looming presence of their baby deal.

Why in the hell had he told her five years? Why not two? Or one? It twisted his heart to no end that he had a hand in this too. They would have been happy together and he was willing to give her how many children she wanted as long as it was their kids. He brushed away the tear that suddenly fell and then looked around to make sure Mac hadn't walked in on his thoughts. He wouldn't cry, not now, not when she needed him. He would be her rock, her confidant. He would be strong for her.

Harm padded to her bedroom and studied her sleeping form in the darkness. She was curled up to the side, hand placed under her chin. He wanted to join her, hold her in his arms as she slept but, thought it best to keep his distance. Finally, after quietly using the bathroom, he retreated back to the sofa, shut off the lamp and tried to get some rest.

Next Day.

After showering, Mac had practically passed out the instant her head hit the pillow falling into a deep dreamless sleep. What woke her up was a specific scent that wafted through her apartment and made her lips curl up in a smile. "Bacon." Forgetting her surgery, she made to get up quickly and stopped abruptly once a wave of pain hit her. She sat up against the headboard, taking long breaths to ease the discomfort she felt. She'd be in pain for a few days, the doctor had assured her. She had refused the pain medication.

After brushing her teeth and slipping into her USMC sweats, she slowly walked out to the living room to find that Harm had made a bed out of her floor. He had placed the comforter on the ground a a rumbled flat sheet was strewn across it along with the two pillows she'd given him.

Mac frowned, she should have just asked him to share a bed with her. It couldn't have been comfortable on the floor for him - he had his lower back issue - something that plagued him since the night of her rehearsal dinner. She squeezed her eyes shut at the memory and pushed the eerie thoughts away. Harm was alive, he was fine and he was here. And yet, sometimes she felt like they were both still adrift in the storm tossed sea.

Once she made it to the kitchen, she leaned against the door frame to find him barefoot wearing his black dress pants and an untucked white undershirt. He looked good, she thought as the shirt showed off the wide expanse of his back and the strong muscles of his arms.

Harm was expertly cutting peppers and onions throwing them into an egg mixture that she knew was the start of his Southwest Omelette. She couldn't help but smile at this domestic side of him. "Morning."

He glanced over his shoulder and smiled at her. "Almost afternoon. I hope you don't mind, I figured you could use some food." He could feel her eyes on him even before Mac had made her presence known. The air had shifted around him making the already small kitchen feel almost claustrophobic.

Mac consulted her internal clock and found it to be 1145, she had slept for nearly twelve hours, something unfamiliar to her. "I'm starving." She confirmed all the while watching as he poured the ingredients into a large pan and began to swirl it counterclockwise. The muscles of his arms stretched and bunched and Mac couldn't help but notice how well he filled out that damned undershirt. She had always found him attractive, desirable and often found herself comparing his physique to her significant others. Harm took pride in his body and worked out regularly, something that was ingrained into both of them.

With his back to her, she was able to look unabashed until he turned towards her and folded his arms across his chest. "Did you sleep okay?"

"Surprisingly well, yeah… Thank you for staying over."

"Anytime." Harm nodded and then turned back to the omelette, making sure the mixture would not stick to the pan. "I figured you wouldn't be up for much today so, I ah… went to the store, stocked your fridge and started a chicken and veggie soup on the pressure cooker…" He motioned to the pot with the wooden spoon he had in his hand and then turned back to face her. "Just what have you been eating the last few days?" He asked, his glare admonishing her as he noted that she was thinner.

Mac shrugged and reached into her cupboard to pull out two coffee mugs when the machine had finally finished percolating. "I've been preoccupied."

He couldn't help but frown. "You need to take care of yourself, Mac. I know you've been through a lot but..."

"I know…I don't want to talk about it."

She was brushing him off and given the circumstances he relented, for now. "Well, I made sure you have enough food in your fridge for at least a week. Even bought those Milano cookies you love - double fudge." And he would come and cook for her every day if necessary, even some of that dead cow if it would but a little weight back on her.

Something about that gesture touched Mac in a way she couldn't explain. Despite the arguments and the missteps, the chivalry was still there and he seemed to take some sort of male pride in caring for her. She took a step towards him and placed a hand gently on his shoulder as she raised up on her toes and kissed him on the cheek. "Thank you."

It was a peck on his cheek, a simple touch and yet, it gave him hope. "You're welcome."

"You slept on the floor." She pointed out on a frown as her hand ran slowly down his back before she stepped away.

"Your sofa isn't exactly great for sleeping on when you're a little tall… It's okay." He wasn't going to tell her his back was killing him and he needed to down several ibuprofen just to walk normally. "I'm fine. Grab a couple of plates, the omelette is almost done."

Once the food was plated, they sat at her kitchen table in an companionable silence as she practically polished off her plate. It was the most she'd had to eat in the last week since the news of Webb's death came through the wire. She hadn't been taken care of herself and found herself running on nothing more than adrenaline and coffee. "Didn't bring your seabag?" She motioned at his jacket hanging behind the chair he sat on and raised her brow in question.

"I did just… okay, no, I didn't." He really didn't expect to be going anywhere and couldn't help but chuckle. "Don't you dare say a word."

"Last time you didn't bring a seabag you wound up in nothing but work out clothes in the middle of a desert." She smiled at the memory of their first adventure out at Red Rock Mesa. It was Harm that urged her to stay in Washington where she had grown as a lawyer and found that she had someone to confide in. Despite her closeness with Uncle Matt, he was all she had until Harm came along.

"It worked out well enough, Colonel." He too remembered, especially the floral dress she wore that made her more woman and less Marine. She looked so much like his dead lover and yet, Mac was nothing like Diane at all. She was stronger, sexier and someone to match him in every way. It was exciting to have her as a partner and he found himself getting to work earlier just to spend time with her. Yeah, he was smitten early on - Harm just didn't realize it until Lowne came into the picture.

"It's always been exciting between the two of us, huh?" She said softly - the memories between them too many to count. Good times, bad times and somehow, this is how they always wound up - together.

Harm snorted, "We're magnets for trouble."

"That's an understatement." She felt the shift in him then, the eyes that were once staring at her as a friend had taken a darker appearance. Harm was staring at her lips and she wondered what it would feel like to be kissed by him again.

How would he kiss her if they were lovers? It would be passionate, that she knew if the kiss the night of her engagement party was an indication. She shook herself out the thought and covered his large hand that sat on the table between them. "Thank you."

"You already thanked me."

"No, not for breakfast… for everything that has happened since we met. All of the ups and downs, you're still here."

"I told you last night, I'll always be here for you… Always. Unconditionally." Her hand on his own shot a jolt of electricity through him and Harm found himself staring at her lips again. God, he wanted to kiss her so badly, to pull her into his arms and ease away all of the aches and pains.

When she found him leaning towards her, Mac spoke, bringing up the first thing she could think of. As much as she wanted to, she couldn't kiss him, not now. Wasn't she supposed to be grieving? "Are you really okay about Mattie?"

Just the mention of the teenager calmed his desire for her and Harm let out a breath. "Yes… I have to be. Not saying it doesn't hurt but, I'm happy for them. Tom has really turned his life around." He would miss her, terribly but, he was happy. At that he noticed Mac look away from him. "What is it? What's wrong?"

Mac couldn't help the abrupt, dark question that she spat out. "Am I your next project? The next thing you're trying to fix?" She didn't know why she said it only that it was a moment of insecurity for her. The man seemed to have this knack for wanting to fix people, to bring people into his circle and then let them go. It was infuriating to no end.

"You're not a project, Mac. And Mattie was a little girl that needed help. Just like Chloe needed you. This isn't a competition. I am here because I want to be, because I want to be here for you; unconditionally."

And there was that word again - unconditionally. Deep inside she knew he meant it. "I just, I hate admitting this….I feel like you moved on without me."

Harm was getting upset, hos cool demeanor beginning to slip. What was he supposed to do? Wait until she came to her senses? Watch as she went to the arms of another? "Without you? Damnit Mac, you were pretty much involved with Webb. I didn't think you'd care about me anymore. Not after Paraguay. Not after what you told me and reaffirmed at Christmas. Something us not being an us?"

"That wasn't my choice… You forced me into his arms. I tried to talk to you, to beg for forgiveness but, you wouldn't listen. It was easy to go to Clay and feel… wanted, needed… loved." And that was the crux of it all, Clay had been available when Harm hadn't. All she needed was her best friend and he ran away to play spook for the CIA. If it was that easy for him to leave her, then she would learn to move on.

"You said some hurtful things to me, Harm. I know I wasn't a picnic but… I'm sorry. I'm sorry for what I said, I'm sorry that things have turned out this way. I'm sorry for hurting you and I'm sorry I went to him... I never stopped caring for you." She never stopped loving him either. Mac bit back a sob and cursed herself for crying in front of him. She brushed away the tears with her hand and looked up to find Harm studying his hand, the one that she'd touched earlier.

He swallowed the lump at his throat and managed to hold his own tears back. They'd done so much damage to each other in the last year and he wasn't sure how to make things better. "I'd better go." He didn't want to argue with her anymore and in such close proximity to her, he didn't want to keep feeling so much.

"Okay." She couldn't help the disappointment in her tone as Harm stood and pulled his jacket off the back of the chair. "Harm…" Mac needed to stop him, to say something, to fix it but, there was nothing there.

"I'm not mad." He said and then pressed a hand over hers. "I just… you need to rest." She nodded dumbly at him and allowed him to help her stand. Mac followed Harm towards the door and held it open as he stepped out. "I'll call you later… If you need something, anything… call me."

"I will." She said, sadly watching him walk away.

Harm's heart was beating, aching and when he got into his car and slipped behind the wheel, a wave of emotions crashed over him. He loved her so damned much that it was driving him crazy. He hated to hear her verbalize the insecurity towards Mattie.

"I'm sorry, Mac." It hurt him to realize that he had such a hand in her relationship with Clay. It had happened once before when his inaction pushed her into the arms of another. Now he would take it as a sign to fight for her.