Chapter 8

"You can have a glass of wine Harm. It doesn't bother me." Mac said, peeking out from behind a rather large and extensive menu of the new French restaurant that he had taken her to.

"I know, not tonight."

"Stop walking on eggshells around me. I'm fine." To reassure him Mac reached out and placed a hand on his, giving it a squeeze.

Hiding behind the menu she couldn't help but smile at his concern. Webb knew about her alcoholism and had kept his drinking in check at first when their relationship was still new. After Sadik, his restraint wavered and he crawled into a bottle of caña and never seemed to crawl back out.

Their dinners out usually meant that Webb would order and drink a bottle of wine followed by a second. She had ignored it, knowing it was a release from his high stress job that lead to evenings of him passing out before they could even be intimate. With time she began to wonder if that would be the norm and how far he would go until he turned into someone like her father.

"Mac, you ready to order?"

Harm's voice brought her back to the present and she released the iron grip on the menu that she barely read. "Ah, no. I need a couple of minutes."

"You okay?" He asked once the waitress had left their table. There was a tension in her body that he sensed and Harm wondered if maybe it was too soon. He hadn't pressured her into the date simply asked and she had agreed.

Mac brought the menu down to look at him. "Yeah, just perusing the menu." She gave him a half smile and raised the menu again. Why the hell was she thinking about Webb when on a date with Harm? Although it wasn't really thoughts, more a comparison.

"Look, Mac if you'd rather not do this…"

His words made her drop the menu to the table in a panic. God, the last thing she wanted was for him to think she didn't want to be here. It was just the opposite, she'd been thinking about it all day…

… Mac was pretty sure she'd been dreaming when she awoke to a knock on her door and a delivery of a dozen purple roses. There was a note attached that made her smile.

'Purple for admiration and enchantment. See you at 7. Harm.'

The note made the butterflies in her stomach flip flop more than they had been. "I'm going on a date with Harm. A date, date." It was a concept that both excited and worried her. So, she did the typical girly thing and went shopping with Harriet.

She bought a little black dress that was entirely too expensive along with a bra and panty set to match. For the first time in months, she felt like a woman, like herself. She wanted to look good for him and find something enticing for him.

Harm was on time, for once and when Mac opened the door she found him standing on the other side with a nervous expression. He had on a black suit with a blue shirt and no tie. The shirt brought out the cerulean of his eyes and Harm had left the first three buttons undone.

Mac stared at that little bit of exposed skin and found her mind wandering until he presented her with a dozen green roses. "Green huh?" She took the bouquet from him with a raised brow.

"Green is for the start of new relationships." He pointed out, stepping into the apartment when she let him in.

Harm cast her an appreciative look as Mac made her way towards the kitchen in search for another vase. While she was wearing a simple little black dress, she made the outfit look sexier than it had a right to.

Thick straps came over her shoulders and crossed crossed in the middle in a 'V'. It was knee length with a slit that came up to mid-thigh and showed some of her skin as she made her way back towards him.

His heart skipped more than a few beats when she walked right up to him and placed a kiss on his cheek. "Thank you for the flowers. You don't have to."

"I want to. You look beautiful."

"Not too shabby yourself, flyboy. The blue brings out your eyes." She smoothed her hands over his shoulders and then grabbed her purse….

"I want to be here with you, Harm." She assured him with a smile after the waitress had taken their orders.

"You seemed tense for a moment there… thought you were regretting it."

"I was just thinking of Webb."

At the mention of the former spy, Harm's face fell. "Oh." He felt a bit foolish for all of the attention he'd given her of late.

"The few times we went out to dinner he would usually drink too much. One bottle of wine wasn't enough." She admitted with a frown. "And you're concerned about having a glass in front of me…One glass… You're not Webb."

Harm wanted to joke with her but, the look in her eyes made him stop. He reached across the table and took her hand in his. "Webb was a good guy… He made you happy."

"He never bought me roses." She turned her hand over and gave his a squeeze.

Harm had noticed that she stopped referring to him as 'Clay' which was a win in his book. He was surprised the spook never presented her with flowers, it was such a simple gesture and to see her smile as she had made his day.

"So, where do you want to go next?" Harm asked after dinner as they waited outside of the restaurant for the valet to bring his Lexus.

"What are my options?" She knew him well, a man of action would certainly have varying plans.

"We could go see that new movie." He suggested and at her disinterested expression moved on to plan b. "Okay, how about the jazz club by your apartment? Good music, maybe a little dancing?"

"Maybe?" She said with a raised brow and a grin.

"Definitely." Although Harm wasn't quite sure if he'd be able to remain a gentleman if they danced too close. He had fleeting images of Mac's body pressed against his as they moved in time to a slow, sultry number.

The One Step Down was quite the popular place and they were lucky to find a table for two near the stage. The band began a soft number and urged couples onto the small dance floor in front of the stage. It was Mac who took Harm's hand, dragging him out of his seat and weaving past other patrons. They settled into a slow circle, Mac's arms around his neck and Harm's around her waist.

His eyes held her own with an intensity Mac had only seen once from him - on the Admiral's porch so many years ago. So much had passed between them and yet, he still had that look, a combination of desire and love.

Mac knew he loved her, it was a fact that her brain had tried to ignore and convolute. She knew it in her heart by the way he patiently waited and the fact he'd bothered to learn details about flowers.

In the middle of the dance he had dipped his head down and kissed her. It was achingly sweet but, held nothing of the desire Harm failed to hide.

Sooner than she would have liked, Harm was depositing her back to the apartment. Their first date had been pleasant and Mac waited at her door for him to kiss her. He had on the dance floor and she absolutely believed Harm would kiss her again.

Harm pressed a kiss to her cheek and purposely avoided her lips knowing he would not be able to stop. He wished her a good night and disappeared down the hall when a thought came to mind. "Mac?"

She had heard him call her name and eagerly opened the door. "Yes?"

"What are you doing tomorrow morning?" He was grinning at her, that's fabulous flyboy grin that made Mac realize he was planning something.

"Staying in my PJs all day? Why?"

"I'll be by around 9… wear jeans and your leather jacket."

"Leather jacket? Why?"

"You'll see." He said with a grin as he walked off whistling.

It was four minutes past nine am the next morning when her phone rang. "Come down. When you're ready." She did as told, bounding out of her building to find him waiting for her outside.

"You own a motorcycle? Since when?" Her smile widened at the sight of Harm wearing jeans and a leather jacket, his hair all messy from the helmet he'd just taken off. He was straddling a vermillion colored Indian motorcycle. To say that he looked sexy was beyond an understatement.

Each and every carnal bad boy fantasy that Mac had hidden away hit her full force. It was one hell of a contrast to see him in a suit one moment and leathers the next. Dear God, this was the man she was keeping at arm's length? The man was full of surprises.

"Bought her when I was in the CIA. I wanted a little adventure." He gave Mac his hand to help her on the bike and then handed her a spare helmet.

Mac ran her fingers over the leather saddle bags at her side and settled herself behind him. "Haven't been on one in years. She's beautiful."

Harm turned on the motorcycle bringing the engine to life. It purred under his touch as he revved the throttle. "Hold onto me, Mac."

He felt her arms come around him, her head press against his back. It sent a lick of desire through him and Harm had to take a steadying breath before he set the bike into motion.

They cruised through the streets of Georgetown and out of the city towards Virginia and the small town of Occoquan which was less than a forty minute drive away. It was often his place of escape, far away from the craziness of Washington and yet, close enough to travel to.

Harm pulled the motorcycle up in front of a small restaurant on the quaint main street and pointed Mac towards the diner. She was disappointed that the ride has been so short as she was enjoying having her arms wrapped around him. It took a while for them to be seated at a booth by the window. "Get the Belgian Waffle. It comes with a housemade vanilla drizzle." Harm suggested after ordering their drinks.

"Come here much?" She asked as he did not take the offered menu and the waitress had called him by his first name.

Harm nodded. "Been coming for years when I need to get out of town and don't want to drive to Blacksburg." He would often rent a boat and go fishing or just spend time out on the water to clear his head. It was almost therapeutic. "Ever been?"

Mac glanced out the window to see the other shops on main street. "No, never. I tend to stick to Georgetown, sometimes take a boat ride on the canal."

"Come up for coffee?" Mac asked once he stopped the motorcycle outside of her apartment. She handed him her helmet which he slipped into a saddle bag.

Harm glanced up towards her place and took a breath. He was actively trying not to be alone with her in either of their apartments. The ungentlemanly thoughts that ran through his head made it dangerous when he wanted her so much. But, there was an expectant look in her eyes, almost pleading that made him give in. "Sure." He took off his helmet and placed it on one of the handlebars.

Once inside, Harm had barely stripped off his jacket before Mac was on him. Her arms slipped around his neck as she brought his mouth to hes for a kiss that was not exactly slow or gentle. It made Harm's resolve crack immediately as he walked them towards her sofa.

They tumbled into the cushions, his body coming over hers as Mac opened her legs so he could settle closer to her. Even though their jeans the contact made him groan as did the feeling of her hands slipping under his shirt to trail down the expanse of his back.

He kissed her lips fully and then trailed kisses from her mouth to nip at her jaw as his hips ground into hers. Mac's legs came up, wrapping around his waist. She wanted him so bad, always had really but, could never imagine that it would be this good or intense.

Harm felt a tightness at his groin that he tried to ignore when his mouth stopped at a spot on her neck, just below her ear that made her growl. "Make love to me." She begged as her hands frantically tried to remove his shirt.

With a groan, Harm forced himself to stop, quickly moving off of Mac and sitting at the opposite end. His breath was ragged and his groin was aching terribly. "We can't, Mac. I'm story." He said, although his body said otherwise. "I don't want to move too fast."

"Too fast?" Mac couldn't hide her disappointment if she tried. He own breasts was ragged in her heart was about to beat out of her chest. Warmth had pooled to her core and every nerve on her body was on fire and aching to be touched. "We're practically at a snail's pace here, Harm."

"I want to. I just…" He trailed off for a moment unable to explain to her his reservations. Too much had happened in the last year and he wasn't going to rush things and destroy any of what he'd accomplished.

"You won't hurt me, if that's what you think. The doctor says it's okay for me to have sex." She sat up and put some space between them, settling at the opposite end of the sofa.

"It's your heart I'm worried about." She said sadly, wondering if it was still anything that she felt for the man that had died. "Webb?"

His mention of the other man disturbed her and it was in the first or second time in the last months that she wished she made a different choice. "I don't want think about Webb when I'm with you, Harm... I don't."

"But you do." He accused, recalling she had the night before. It was natural to think about an ex but he didn't have to like it.

"Because I see the difference between the two of you. And I see how stupid I've been." She could have never imagined that Harm would hurt so much over it or that their friendship would take such a blow. "I wish I hadn't been so weak when all I ever wanted was to be with you."

"Me?" He had the nerve to seem surprised like he didn't know. And perhaps he didn't. In retrospect Mac too have never been willing to admit her feelings.

Mac sighed, "God I hate myself sometimes for being so... consumed by you." She gripped her hands together trying to explained what had happened and why. "When he and I finally…" She couldn't say it though and admit to Harm what he already knew.. "Trust me, it didn't happen until after Sadik... I... God dammit... it was you I was thinking of."

And that had been the crux of it all, the reason why she and Webb never could quite reach a specific level of intimacy. They had sex but, it often left her feeling emotionally bereft. And it all had to do with Harm or rather, the fact that Clay wasn't Harm. "It was you I wanted to be with not him.. and I... I just couldn't be wrong about a relationship again especially when you acted like you didn't want me."

He had acted that way hadn't he? Harm he'll let his bruised ego dictate their relationship. He acted like a little kid who had his favorite toy taken away and then wondered why she chose Webb over him. "Mac... I ..."

"Why didn't you fight me?" She asked the one question that had been burning for years. "And I'm not talking about Webb. Even with Mic, why didn't you fight me?"

"Because I wanted you to be happy and I wasn't exactly doing a good job at that." He had hurt her in Sydney and couldn't scramble fast enough to make amends. He had hurt her again in Paraguay with that line about her exes.

"I am happiest with you." Mac stood and walked over to him, dropping herself into his lap. She wrapped her arms around him and let out a breath when he did the same.

"Look, we don't have to rush this, we don't. I am not going anywhere... I swear it... You asked me to wait and I will, without complications." Harm brushed a strand of hair away from her face and tucked it behind her ear when she leaned back to look at him.

She knew he meant it, the look in his eyes told her so. Harm would wait forever if she asked. She pressed a soft kiss to his lips. "I love you."

In former years she would have been upset with him for not immediately replying in kind but the look in his eyes spoke volume. Harm had shown his love for her in so many ways in the last few months, she didn't doubt what he felt. "I know you love me. You don't have to say it.

"It's a little more that just loving you, Sarah."

"You're in love with me."

"Yes." He admitted with a sheepish grin. "Give me a little time. We have a long weekend coming up. We could go away together."

It was the way he mentioned the long weekend in that calculating way that had her realizing Harm had planned something. "Do you have something in mind?"

"Yes… A bed and breakfast in the mountains and I'm not telling you anymore." Harm had done his research, searched for a place with the best ratings that wouldn't take too long to drive to.

"And you claim you're not a romantic."

"I'm not." He scoffed at the thought, romance just really wasn't his thing. With Mac, he wanted things to be right, special. "I'm not quite sure how to do the romance thing." Harm admitted which earned him a sweet kiss.

"The flowers, dinner, dancing… a weekend together. You're doing it."