Bottoms Up

A Hellsing Fanfic

Sapphirewyren

Disclaimer: I do not own Hellsing.

Enrico Maxwell hated being humiliated and Integra had humiliated him on many different occasions. Anderson and Father Renaldo believed that he was the one who started the altercations, but what did they know? He was merely trying to put that heretical sow in her place. And as he took a sip of wine, Enrico came up with a perfect way to show Integra a thing or two. A couple days later he was in England and making his way towards Hellsing's office, with Father Renaldo and Anderson following him, wearing exasperated expressions on their faces. As Maxwell threw open the office doors, a bullet whizzed just mere inches from his face.

"What the hell is wrong with you, sow!?" bellowed the bishop. The question was answered with another bullet, this time nearly grazing the inside of his thigh. "I could ask the same thing of you, filthy papist."

"I am here to teach you a lesson."

"You can save your lessons for your altar boys."

All the priests' mouths fell open, how dare she imply such an impure thing. Enrico decided to ignore that slight and declared; "We are going to have a drinking contest, the loser must do whatever the winner says."

"So you came here to get your ass kicked in another idiotic competition? Didn't the broken arm and kissing some fat slob teach you anything?"

"Yes, it taught me that you are a very manly woman."

"Well someone has to wear the pants in this 'relationship'."

Anderson burst out laughing.

"That's not funny, Anderson!" shrieked the red faced bishop. "Let's get this over with!"

"I don't think this is a good idea" said Renaldo. But Enrico wouldn't listen as he had Anderson open one of the large cases of bourbon, he had bought with him. Somehow Walter, Alucard, Pip and Seras caught wind of this competition and were in the office to watch and comment.

"This is going to be fun" said Alucard "I've always wanted to see what my master looks like drunk."

"I believe that this is a terrible idea" said Walter, Seras also agreed but there was no turning back.

"The first to pass out or throw up loses" said Enrico.

"If you throw up on my desk, you will be reading The Bible in bloody Braille" growled Integra.

The first shots were poured and both contestants downed them in a couple seconds. "Don't you have something stronger?" asked Integra.

"We can't have you losing so quickly" replied Enrico.

The first several rounds went well, but Enrico was not known to be a drinker of bourbon and soon it began to show. Enrico started seeing double and his words were slurred. But he willed himself to keep going. He had to win at all costs! A couple of drinks and Enrico could barely lift his head off the table. Looking across at his opponent, there was no change in her at all. Integra didn't even look tipsy! What was with that woman? Maybe she was cheating somehow, that could be the only explanation. "You're… you're not… even…" Enrico couldn't even finish his sentence and Integra just threw back another shot.

"You're looking kind of sick, Maxwell" sneered Integra. "Perhaps you should quit this little competition of yours."

"I think you should listen to her" said Anderson.

"No!... I can beat her."

Integra chuckled; "I'm giving you a chance to leave with what little dignity you have left."

"I don't need your pity, Protestant wench!"

"Please Maxwell…" pleaded Father Renaldo. He knew this would not end well for the bishop. Integra just shrugged her shoulders, took an unopened of bourbon, opened it and drank the entire thing. Everyone in the office stared at the director in awe.

"Whoa, I never knew a woman to drink like that" said Pip.

"She drinks like an Irishman" said Anderson. Alucard could only laugh, while Walter muttered; "Just like her father." Seras was glad that she never developed a taste for alcoholic drinks; she didn't know how anyone could drink that stuff. Integra slid another bottle towards Enrico; "Your turn, Catholic swine." Enrico grabbed the bottle, but after several gulps, he fell backwards out of his chair in a drunken blackout. Even as he slipped into unconsciousness, Enrico knew that he had lost again. A few days later, Enrico had to face whatever cruel punishment Integra had for him and boy was it was it a doozy. Enrico had to wear a white mid drift shirt that said 'I like it Rough'. There was also a blue mini skirt, a neon pink leopard print thong and red high heel shoes. Seras helped him with the male up, if you can call it that. It was done in an exaggerated amount and made him look like a two dollar whore in a five dollar bar.

"I look ridiculous! This is humiliation!" shouted Enrico.

"You have to wear that for an entire month" smirked Integra while the rest of the occupants in the office howled with laughter. To make it worse, Enrico had to wear it everywhere, everyday. Let's just say the Pope was not comfortable with how Enrico 'liked it'. And the next meeting with the Queen did not go well as the elderly monarch was not impressed and Integra could not stop laughing. Father Renaldo and Anderson sighed, when will Enrico ever learn?

Chapter End