Chapter 11

Harm managed to secure early. To be fair, he really hadn't been feeling well when he spoke to the General a good three hours before quitting time. So, he headed home and noted that the migraine that had been drumming in his head all day had abated.

It was Mac, he knew or the current mission to avoid her at all costs. She had accused him once that running away was his MO and she may have had a point. Then again, he didn't want to be near her at the moment. He wouldn't stop himself from saying callused words if she so much as brought up Clayton Webb.

He had changed into jeans and a long sleeved t-shirt and then stood in the middle of his apartment, hands on his hips, wondering what he should do. Harm never went home early unless there was a good reason. Shrugging, he pulled open the fridge and grabbed a beer draining half off it in one pull.

Harm took the bottle with him to the living room and grabbed the guitar which sat on its stand. His fingers ran over the fretboard playing some jazzy tune he may have made up. All the tune did was make his mood foul and Harm placed the instrument on the sofa looking at it with disgust. "Not gonna do this to myself." Not again. He'd already moped over her in the past and wasn't about to go down that road again.

Damn he suddenly wished he'd kept the TV the spook had left him once. At least mindless drivel could occupy his mind. He grabbed the beer, finished it off and decided he needed something stronger.

He pulled out a snifter and poured a substantial amount of Cuban cognac that Keeter once smuggled in for him. The liquid trailed warmth down his throat and into his belly. It had been aged to perfection and gave him the most pleasant feeling.

And then there was a knock on the door.

The almost euphoric feelings the alcohol had given him went away at once. "Shit." Harm didn't have to look through the peephole to know it was Mac. He just knew. "What do you want?" Although he hadn't fully opened the door, Mac stepped in and pushed past him. "Sure, come on in."

Mac placed her jacket and purse on the bar and then turned to face him. She took a breath, suddenly unsure how to start. Her mouth opened and closed a few times, trying to formulate something intelligent to say when he stared at her with a look that could kill. She was leaving the following day and needed to see Harm before she left. "Can we talk?"

"No."

She noticed the set of his jaw, the way he ground his teeth together when she spoke. He was really taking this thing with Webb hard and Mac really didn't understand why. She told him she loved him, wanted him not Webb. "You promised to be there for me always."

"And if ever you're in trouble, I will be. It's what we do for one another." And he would come to her aide if something was wrong. He had this innate need to keep Sarah MacKenzie safe and nothing would change that but, a relationship was another thing. "Other than that, I have nothing to say to you."

"Well, I have lots to say to you." Mac wasn't going to let things go this time and go back to their status quo.

"Oh? Weren't you the one who told me there would never be anything between us? I should have taken that to heart."

Mac resisted the urge to slap the smug expression off his face. The man really could mope and get callused when he was hurt. She supposed she did the same but, with Harm it was amplified as if he were the only one going through this. "We've always had something between us and every time it seems we're getting somewhere…"

"Dug up anything on our favorite spook?" Abruptly, he cut her off not wanting to talk about love or feelings or any other emotion that never seemed to serve him well. "Is the creep alive or not?"

"I hate you when your like this."

He grinned at her expression and walked to the coffee table to grab the rest of his cognac. Harm sensed her eyes on him and noted that she didn't answer his question although he didn't really want an answer. "So? Have you?"

"Going to Langley in the morning before my flight." She knew it would hurt him to know she hadn't given up on the message Webb had left but she wouldn't lie to him either.

"You really can't leave it alone can you?"

Mac hated how his voice sounded, like he was the only one hurting over this. Like this was her fault that her dead boyfriend may be alive. In truth, she didn't want Webb any more alive than he did, the man had caused them both nothing but pain and trouble. "You didn't either, Harm! Remember, years ago when Webb asked you for help? You risked life and limb for him. Hell, you even left me behind, went without back up to face Palmer in a situation you knew nothing about."

"Sounds like you going to Paraguay. You left me behind to follow Webb into a dangerous situation. I guess we're even."

Mac really did hate when he was like this as his irritational side took over and he was fueled by nothing but emotions. "Harm, please… listen to me." She walked up to and stood in front of him, just a breath away. Her hands went up to the sides of his face and she forced him to look at her. "I love you… if he's alive it won't change how I feel about you. I. love. you." Mac saw his the look in his eyes soften as if her words had managed to sink in somehow. "I love you, please understand." She said again and pulled his head down to her so that her lips could press against his.

Harm blamed the liquor he'd consumed for the resolve that had wavered slightly. Or maybe it was the combination of her body that was now pressed against his and her tongue that had broken the seal of his lips. Her hands encircled his waist and slid under his shirt to glide over his spine until the rational part of him clicked back into place. "Not gonna let you seduce me." He said against her lips and took a step back so that her hands fell away.

Mac stared at him for a moment, her heart breaking again over him. "Seduce you?" Out of all the words he'd ever said or could say to her, nothing hurt more than that. "Seduce you." It hurt to think that was how he saw her, a desperate woman needing physical intimacy with a man - any man. Again, she wanted to hit them, to knock some sense into that thick skull of his. Again, she wished Webb had never entered her life and that she was strong enough to push him away.

She willed herself not to break down and cry - she'd done enough of that all weekend. Yet, a pesky tear fell down her cheek. She expected Harm to brush it away with the pad of his thumb but he didn't. "Since you've avoided me all day at work, I came to let you know I'm headed TAD to San Diego for two weeks."

"Have a safe trip." At his words, Mac finally turned away from him and retrieved her purse and jacket. She opened the door and turned to him seemingly to say something else but didn't and he let her walk away.

….

Mac was never a fan of long flights. Actually, she was never a fan of any type of flying. She didn't have a thing for planes like Harm did and couldn't feel at ease in one. For flights like these she always wished she weren't an alcoholic and could indulge in a glass of something or other to calm her nerves. As an alcoholic she wouldn't take any time of medication that could alter her moods and only took pain killers as needed.

Normally, Harm would be on these flights with her offering all sorts of entertainment when they were in the air like cards. The two of them shared a fondness for card games and found it was a fun way to pass the time. She glanced out the window to see the tiny specs of scenery below. It made her realize just how small she was on this Earth.

With a sigh, Mac leaned against the headrest and thought back to her disastrous morning and the evidence she now had though inconclusive. Webb was indeed alive. Part of her was delighted, Webb had been a good friend to her and Harm. He had kept her out of danger, allowed himself to be tortured for her. The other part of her was scared of how she would tell Harm. Mac knew he'd eventually come around but, the uncertainty was killing her.

When she'd originally heard about Webb's passing, her gut instinct sent her to Langley where she found his assistant, Laurie June, packing up his office. She had squeezed the young woman for information coming away with the belief that Webb was dead. It had been a lie, a ploy to keep her off his scent and away from whatever he was up to.

That morning, she had descended on Langley without so much of an invitation. She demanded a meeting with Deputy Director Kershaw and was denied only to bump into Webb's assistant when she made to leave. The young woman motioned for Mac to follow her and they went into what was Webb's former office.

Laurie June had opened up a small control pad on the edge of his desk and punched in a few numbers while pressing her index finger to her mouth - a sign that Mac should be quiet. "Making sure no one listens in."

"He's alive, isn't he?"

Laurie June nodded and handed a small piece of paper to Mac with a series of numbers. "A few days ago I woke up with a message on my machine. I knew it was from Mr. Webb because of the codeword spoken." She watched as Mac unfurled the piece of paper and stared at it in confusion. "Then I receive different messages. Some here, some at my apartment, some on my cell phone. They were all numbers, those numbers. I don't know what they mean."

Mac stared at the paper trying to find some sort of riddle or code to be broken. She was usually pretty good at those things but found no real meaning to them. "Has anyone else seen this?"

"Mrs. Webb and she claims not to understand them either. What are you gonna do, Colonel?"

"I'm not sure. I think he's in trouble, I just… I'm not sure where to start." Mac confessed on a sigh. "What if all of this is a rouse of some sort?" Though Sadik Fahd was dead, the man had associates and they had ruffled enough feathers in Paraguay to piss off plenty of people. I t wasn't too far a stretch to consider one of them had come after her for information not realizing that Mac had none.

As she stared out the window, Mac couldn't shake the eerie feeling that something big was about to happen and only hoped that her and Harm wouldn't be hurt in the process. Without more information, there was nothing she could do.

Mac stood and made her way to the lavatory, pulling out the small paper which she had placed in her bra for safe keeping. She sat on a closed toilet seat and stared at the numbers writing in Laurie June's handwriting. The numbers didn't make sense.

It was a code of sorts and she tried matching each number to its corresponding letter on the alphabet. She could spell a dozen or so words with the letters but, it all sounded like something out of a fourth grade spelling bee. Mac hoped that Porter Webb, a former agency code breaker, could find something to help her son, if it even was Webb reaching out.

What if this was a rouse and she had fallen into the scheme effectively putting herself in danger? Worse yet, what if she'd really lost Harm over it? "Damnit." She cursed and pinched the bridge of her nose. Why couldn't things ever be easy for them? Didn't they deserve a break after everything they've been through?

And how the hell was she going to fix things with Harm? She loved him, wanted him more than words could ever explain and he was trying to take a stance and keep her at a distance. If Harm had been upset with her after Paraguay this was worse to the point of being irrational. He was acting like a petulant child and Mac was torn between being angry with him and heartbroken.

With a sigh, she placed the paper back into her bra and then stood to stare at herself in the mirror. There were lines under her eyes from lack of sleep and all of the healing she'd done in the last few months seemed to stop at once. She ran her hands over her jacket, smoothing her uniform and straightening her spine as she slipped into her Marine facade. The plane would be landing in under an hour and she would use Marine decorum to hide the emotions that were playing havoc inside.