Rolls Royce

A HELLSING FANFIC

DianaPrince31

Disclaimer: I do not own Hellsing

It was a relaxing day at the Hellsing Headquarters, well relaxing for the slack off mercenaries, Integra never took a day off and neither did Walter. But nonetheless, it was a relaxing day, until Integra heard a loud high pitched scream followed by loud buzzing noises. It wasn't before long that Walter came into her office carrying an envelope and a large box that had several mesh covered holes.

"What on earth was all that noise about?" the commander asked, irritated that she had been distracted from her work.

"That was the sound of a poor soul being stung by a thousand large wasps" answered Walter mildly. "It would seem it was addressed for you." The butler handed Integra the envelope and placed the box on the desk. Apparently the 'poor soul' was stung by 999 large wasps, for at that moment on of the insects flew out of the box and landed on the commander's hand. However it took one look at Integra and decided that it could be doing better things, the wasp then flew out of the open window. Opening the envelope, Integra found a note inside that said; "I hope you get stung to death, you Protestant whore!" signed E.M.

The butler sighed as his boss simply tossed out the letter, "Why does he always do this?" They both knew that it was Enrico Maxwell who sent the wasps. He was still upset about the whole being thrown in the Thames River and the 'incident' that happened at the hotel he was staying at. Integra was just glad that she had other people screen all of her mail before she opened any of it. That could have been her face that was lumpy with wasp stings and Integra could not have that. "Well now I am going to have to go and beat the bloody hell out of him."

Alucard who had phased into the room said sadistically, "Make it hurt, Master."

"I plan to."

Vatican City- Pope's Office

The Pope, several Cardinals, Father Renaldo, Father Anderson and Bishop Enrico Maxwell were sitting around a large table discussing whatever the heck it was that priests talked, mostly in this case about the Iscariot Organization and the extermination of vampires. Well whatever it was, they certainly didn't expect to hear loud cries and shouts from outside the office, as well as a Rolls Royce to come crashing through the doors of the office and barreling into the table. Lucky enough as old as some of they were, it was a good thing that they were able to avoid getting squashed.

"What is the meaning of this?!" demanded the pope angrily.

The person who got out the car and it was none other than a very pissed off Integra, she pointed at Maxwell and said, "I got your bloody surprise, you damn Papist! You're lucky I didn't get stung by any of those wasps!"

Father Renaldo glared at Maxwell and asked, "What did you do now?"

"Nothing" answered Maxwell as innocently as he could, "She's making it up!"

Integra stomped over to the white haired bishop and grabbing a fistful of his hair and dragged him towards the car, Anderson stepped forward to stop her, but the commander snarled, "Take another step, Lucky Charms and I will rip your Fruit Loops off!" Anderson, though more than a foot taller than Integra, decided it was best to do as the Hellsing heiress demanded and not taking any chances, after he did like his 'Fruit Loops'. Maxwell was dragged to the car where he was forced to kneel, "You're going to lick the tires until they shine, do you understand, you waste of oxygen?" Integra said.

"You can't force me to do anything, you Protestant sow!" came the unwise reply. The commander wrenched open the man's jaw and gripping his tongue in a grip like a steel trap, she began to wipe his tongue on the tire. She did this all the while Maxwell struggled and cried as the skin of his tongue was being chaffed along the rubber of the car tires. The bishop tried calling out to the others for help, but the Pope stood frozen in his spot, too petrified to do anything, while some of the Cardinals ran out. Integra did not release Maxwell until she was finished and when she was finally done with him, his tongue was stretched out and raw. She then gave Maxwell a hard kick to the ribs; "That's what you get for spitting on my car." Integra then left, but not before calling Walter to tell him to call a tow truck and to have the car washed, Enrico couldn't get the taste of rubber and dirt out of his mouth for a month.

Epilogue

No matter how many times the Vatican officials tried to call Integra to tell her that she had to pay for the damages of driving a car a breakneck speed indoors, the commander chose some colorful words from her vocabulary, including where they could shove their communion wafers, and then then hung up.

Chapter End

Author's Note: I'm running out of ways to harm Enrico…that's not good, but hey all things come to an end right? Hope you enjoyed. See ya in the next chapter.