I do not own any characters. They all belong to Bioware. Ahhh, Bioware. Thank you for all the comments and follows! I truly appreciate it a lot! Special shout out to my beta reader Eruya and to those who gave song suggestions! I will use them in my future chapters. If you have any suggestions, don't be afraid to give me a shout out! Kassy would love to play them for you! :) I hope you enjoy this chapter! Rated M for language and lemons! (Yes, there are lemons!)

Chapter 15

I remembered how I felt when I was being escorted into Skyhold. The feeling that I would be automatically beheaded. The fear that I wouldn't get anyone to believe that I wasn't working for Corypheus. The bone gnawing worrying that I might never see my family again. I now know that those were not as bad as waiting to tell someone news that could shake their opinion of you. How they view you. Captain King, this isn't going to be pleasant.

Branwen decided to take a different route home, adding two days to the journey. Dorian guessed that she was scouting troops for the Inquisition. I just thought she wanted to delay having to be a leader. I don't blame her. I wouldn't be able to do her job. I mean I did it with the game, but I had do-overs when I knew I fucked up. You don't get save points in real life.

Every step closer to Skyhold, the anxiety and aching grew in my chest grew. Dorian claims that Cullen would understand. I feel differently. I feel that he would feel that I betrayed him. That I should have told him the day I did blood magic. Way to go and be a mage Kassy!

It didn't help that Nightmare decided that if he couldn't take me over, then he would warp my dreams. So, that was fun. The last few nights have been hell. I haven't conversed with him lately, but he keeps trying to sneak his way through.

I took a deep breath and gazed at the bridge that led to Skyhold. All of us stood at the edge of the bridge, composing ourselves before heading back to the life of the Inquisition. I glanced over at Branwen, who had her head held back toward the sky, breathing in a deep breath. She was so Dalish. She opened her eyes and straightened her shoulders, her chin up high. There's the Inquisitor. None of us looked fantastic, dirty and grubby from the travel. Especially our pants. The rain from a couple days ago left crusty mud on our pants and boots. I knew I would want a bath as soon as we get in.

The Inquisitor moved then, her walk strong and long down the bridge. Time to face the music. I had been practicing my speech to Cullen in my head for the past five days. Halfway across the bridge, that speech disappeared and I couldn't remember a single thing that I wanted to say except "I'm sorry". Dorian was beside me as we approached the gate and he gave me a small wink. "Everything will be okay," he said in a low voice so only I could hear.

I took another deep breath, nodding in reply. Even if things didn't go well with Cullen, I was glad I would always have Dorian. Hopefully. When we got through the gate, the group stood still, feeling the mood of Skyhold. Anders, Hawke, and Varric headed toward Herald's Rest. Typical. They needed ale. Anders haven't told Hawke about Nightmare and I was grateful for that.

I didn't see Solas leave, but he must have gone to his study. Dorian, Branwen, and I glanced at each other. Branwen sighed and glanced between the last two of her crew. "Dorian, after you get cleaned up, meet me in my chamber? I have a favor to ask of you." Her attention turned to me. Her pale blue eyes filled with understanding. "Tomorrow morning will be the war meeting. I would like to have you there. You have until then."

"Of course, Inquisitor," I replied. My mind thought Cullen and my focus went to Cullen's office. I wonder if he saw I was back. Dorian put a hand on my shoulder, breaking my focus.

"Might as well get it over with." He patted my shoulder, before heading toward the entrance of Skyhold. I sighed. This was going to be fun.

I gathered myself and made my way to the stairs toward my room. You can do this Captain King. You can do this. The stairs seemed longer than usual, and I was almost convinced they will never end. The last stair seemed to taunt me, knowing that once I took it, I would have to open that door and talk to Cullen. Or….I told myself…you could bathe and then talk to Cullen. I knew that I couldn't do that. Even though I didn't want to have to tell him about Nightmare, I missed him like crazy. It's funny how a couple weeks apart can make someone feel for another person. How it can help you truly understand how you truly feel for them. I loved him.

I decided I needed to at least drop my things off in my room, but once I got on the rampart, I saw that his door was open a crack. His voice drifted out, and I was surprised that his voice didn't distract me before. I felt my chest swell with emotion and I knew I wasn't going to my room first. I needed to see him.

Not caring if I was interrupting his work, I pushed open his door the rest of the way slowly. Cullen was bending over his desk, staring at a map, and giving commands to Jim. His hair was rough and I could see he didn't shave for a couple days. "Let me know as soon as they get word from him. I want to beat him at his game before he makes another move. Also tell-." The door creaked as I finished opening it and Cullen glanced up annoyed. "It will have to wait until-."

His attitude turned around as he realized it was me. He straightened from his desk and his heart breaking half smile formed. He turned back to Jim, his eyes flickering back to me for a moment. "We will finish this tomorrow," he said in his Commander voice, making it clear that Jim was excused.

"Of course, Commander," Jim replied, giving a knowing look at the two of us. He left Cullen's office, pulling the door closed behind him. Cullen didn't hesitate as soon as the door was shut, striding toward me and capturing me in a hug.

"Two weeks," he said softly. I gripped his fur closer to me and breathed in his scent. I missed his scent. I missed his arms. I missed him.

"I know," I told him. I kept my face in his chest, even though the armor was uncomfortable. I suddenly realized I probably smelled horrible. "Sorry, I smell."

I felt his chuckle vibrate on his chest and a hand went to my hair. I felt him kiss the top of my head. "Wasn't even a thought."

I knew that I would have to tell him now before I couldn't. As much as I didn't want this moment to end. I pulled away, glancing up at him and he smiled at me. He leaned down and captured my lips in his. His kiss was needy and I responded, my hands going to his face. I let myself enjoy this moment. This one kiss before telling him I was a blood mage.

We broke the kiss at the same time and I put a hand to his chest. "Listen, Cullen," I started to say, glancing down at my hand.

Cullen put a hand under my chin, lifting it up, concern on his face. "I know that tone."

I took a step back and my hand fell to my side. He was confused by that, his face showing that he was trying to understand what was happening. I licked my lips out of anxiousness and my hands went to fists to keep them still. There was a sharp pang in my head and I focused on keeping Nightmare out of this issue. I focused on Cullen's whiskey eyes that were taking in my body posture, trying to put pieces together. "There is something you need to know," I began, my voice a little shaken. His arms crossed now, and I could see the concern changing to Commander mode. Awesome. "I know you won't like it, and I know you will probably hate me for it."

Cullen shook his head, and he took a step toward me. "I could never hate you," he assured me. I held a of hand out to stop him from trying to touch me. I couldn't think when he touched me.

I slowly shook my head and held his gaze. "I'm a blood mage." My voice was strong when I said this and I realized I wasn't ashamed or angry that I decided to be a blood mage. The last few days had me realizing that Nightmare would have found a way to be there anyhow. Or maybe he was there and I didn't know that he could communicate with me before the blood mage thing.

Cullen froze. His face fell and he was Commander. His hand went through his hair and landed on the base of his neck. His eyes went cold and I knew that this would be his reaction. That so many bad memories happened to him from blood magic. I knew his stance on it from the fight we had a couple weeks ago. His voice was dark when he spoke. "When?"

I knew I had to tell him the truth. This would probably be worse than actually becoming one; me not telling him sooner. "The day before I left."

Cullen's jaw tightened and he ran a hand down his face. "Maker's breath, Kassy! You lied to me about it."

"Do you blame me based on your reaction?" I asked. I stepped forward. "I wanted to tell you Cullen, but you made it clear that anyone who was a blood mage was dead to you." I took a deep breath, shrugging my shoulders. "I didn't lie, I just delayed the truth."

Cullen laughed, rolling his eyes. Okay, that was the wrong answer apparently. "Delaying the truth? No." He took another step closer, his every movement intimidating. "You knew what happened in the circle and you still became one." His voice was Commander mode, deep and threatening.

"It can do good too," I argued, passion in my voice. I took a step forward as well, our distance getting closer. "You've only seen the bad side of blood magic." I felt a hair fall from my braid and land on my cheek, but I wasn't going to brush it away. Cullen started to turn away toward his collection of books. I sighed internally, knowing that my words were probably wasted on his ears. "I could do good things with this Cullen. I have a feeling I can."

Cullen's fist slammed on the bookshelf near him and he leaned his forehead against it, closing his eyes. "They all feel that way in the beginning, but it ends up with pain and chaos." He turned his head to look at me, his eyes shone with hurt and frustration. "I thought you were different. It turns out that you are exactly what-." He faced the bookshelf again, taking a deep breath. "Leave before I speak words I can't take back."

I stared at him speechless. Exactly what? So, there was no more discussion? So, this was the end of us? No way. Exactly what?! "No." I stood my ground, not letting my stance break.

Cullen glanced up at me, his response almost a growl. "What?" I knew he wasn't used to people not following his orders, but I was getting pissed off. I understood the anger, but based on our last conversation, didn't he suspect me doing this.

I stepped toward him, throwing down my bag, lute, and staff. I shut the door behind me firmly and I leaned against it. "No," I repeated. "I made a decision that you don't agree with, but that doesn't mean it's wrong."

Cullen went to his desk with anger, leaning over the map again, his hands in fists and his eyes not truly focusing on it. The room was quiet for a couple minutes, his attention on the map. I let my cloak fall off my shoulders and I slumped to the floor, my feet exhausted from the journey. Who knew how long until he talked, but I wasn't going anywhere until we did. I leaned my head against the door, letting my body take a break. The tension in the room was high and I knew that if we didn't talk about this now, it would get worse after the war council meeting. "You know how dangerous it is and you did it anyhow," he stated, his voice low and harsh.

"I knew that it seemed right for me to do it. That I could do something good with it," I explained, feeling as if I was repeating myself. "It hasn't changed my beliefs or my wanting to help the Inquisition."

"You once asked what I would do if you became a blood mage," his voice was softer and his hands uncurled. "Until this moment I never truly thought it would be something I had to worry about. I never truly thought it could be a reality and I was determined that my feelings for you could never change." His palms were flat on his desk and he was still staring at his map.

I felt an ache in my chest with his answer. I swallowed hard, thinking of words to say to him to prove I'm still me. "I haven't changed, Cullen," I began, my voice soft. "I'm still the same girl from the night before I left. I won't change from her. No matter what magic I perform."

His head turned toward me and I held his gaze, hoping he could see I was being genuine. "There's something else you haven't told me, isn't there?"

How did he know? It was my face. I could never hide my emotions well. Way to go Kass. I nodded, knowing that eventually I would have to tell him tonight. "Remember Nightmare from the Fade?" Cullen nodded, his posture changing. He leaned a hip against his desk, arms crossed, and his right leg in front of his left. "Somehow, he figured out how to use the rift I created to get into me." I tapped my head, indicating where he was exactly.

Cullen went still and I knew he was very upset about this. His voice was hard again when he spoke. "Because of the blood magic."

"Yeah," I answered. Drawing my knees up, feeling like a kid being disciplined by a teacher for cheating. Look at how he is looking at you. In disgust. You did this to yourself. You caused your own pain. Do you like breaking hearts for your own selfish wants? Nightmare asked. Not now! I heard Cullen's voice talking, but I couldn't understand the words he was saying. My focus was going in and out and the pangs in my head started pounding, echoing my heartbeat in my ears. I closed my eyes and put my hands to my head, leaning my elbow on my thighs.

Not only did you break his trust, but you broke his heart. You broke his friendship. You broke something that people only find once in a lifetime. Was it worth it? Was being a bad ass and proving blood magic isn't evil worth the loss? I felt my breathing get heavier. "Go away," I hissed. I heard Cullen say my name somewhere in the distance.

He can't even look at you the same anymore. It is gone. But I will never be gone. I am here to stay. I will never go away. Nightmare kept going, trying to get a reaction from me, and God damnit, it was working. "Enough," I said through my teeth. The pain intensified and I gasped with the pain, my hands turning into fists.

If only you listened. If only you didn't act on whatever your mind jumped too. If only you were prettier. Better with a sword. Less of a liar. If only you didn't try to prove a point and touch the rift. You'd still be with your family. You can only bring pain to those around you. Might as well let the man go. You're tainted now. We're tainted now. Nightmare growled.

"I said ENOUGH!" I shouted, and I fought through the pain to push him away. My anger helped me make him return to the silence. The pain disappeared and my body sagged, exhausted mentally. I didn't know I had cried during the conversation, but my cheeks were wet. I took in a shaky breath, calming my nerves, feeling only a slight headache. I felt a hand on my shoulder and I jumped, gasping, not completely aware of my surroundings yet.

I glanced up at Cullen, remembering that I was here in his office. That confrontation with Nightmare seemed like a different place. My chest was still heaving and he was looking at me in concern. "Kassy?" He asked softly, adjusting himself to sit next to me.

I couldn't talk, my brain still recovering from Nightmare takeover. I just stared at him, terrified. He saw it happen. He saw Nightmare in work. Somehow Nightmare got through and used it to his advantage. My right hand was still in a fist from the pain and I slowly undid it, seeing blood in my palm from my nails. I felt relief that Nightmare was gone but now I was mentally done. I felt drained and all I wanted to do was cry.

I took a mental breath. I pushed past the mental exhaustion, knowing I had a task to finish. "I'm sorry that you feel I betrayed you, or hurt you in some way. It wasn't my intention. As you can see, you were right. I did end up with a demon." I finished wiping the tears from my face and tucked my hair behind my ear. "Nothing changes that I'm a blood mage, and that feels right to me." I stood up, having an overwhelming feeling to be alone right now. I started gathering my things.

"Kassy," he began, his amber eyes staring at me with frustration as he stood. "What I witnessed. How often does it happen?"

I stopped collecting my stuff, my cloak hanging from my arm. I turned toward him. "The talking happens once in a while, but it only got to be like what you saw one other time. The first time. I was doing a pretty good job at making my will be more than his." I glanced down at my palm that had blood on it. "Until now."

"Does the Inquisitor know?" Cullen asked, and I saw him slipping back into Commander mode. Of course, he would be worried that me and my demon would hurt the Inquisition.

I felt like rolling my eyes. Always the Commander. "Yes, Commander. She's having a meeting about it in the morning." I adjusted the cloak on my arm, leaning on my right leg.

Cullen's forehead furrowed. "She's waiting that long?" Did he think I was that big of a threat? Did we reverse backwards and I was going to be tried in front of the Inquisitor?

"She gave me the night to tell you," I admitted, my head hurting from my Nightmare encounter. My blue eyes caught his whiskey ones. "I didn't want you finding out in a war meeting."

Cullen crossed his arms and his face went back to anger. "If the Inquisitor didn't find out, how long were you going to wait before you told me?"

"Today," I said honestly. Anger was going to be his attitude toward me for a while. I guess I should have saw this coming. "I would have told you today as soon as I got home. I didn't want that kind of secret between us."

Cullen's expression was unreadable. His Commander face, I called it. He went to his desk and grabbed a paper, wrinkling it in his hand. He headed toward the door toward the Main hall. "I have matters to attend to, if you'll excuse me."

I watched him leave, flinching as the door slammed shut, not quite sure where we were after that conversation. I gathered the rest of my stuff and headed back to my room, wanting to just take a bath and sleep. My bed looked amazing when I got in and I was half tempted to just fall onto it then, but I knew it would be even better when I was bathed.

I went to my trunk, gathering some clothing for my bath. So far, I learned that Cullen doesn't completely hate me and Nightmare is a bastard. I threw off my belt and corset, knowing I wouldn't be wearing them tonight anyhow. I scooped up my clothes, hurrying out of my room and down the stairs. My body was stiff from sitting on the stone ground and I felt them protest as I slowly walked down the stairs. My mind kept replaying the conversation I had with Cullen as I walked and I knew it would be on repeat all night.

I glanced up at the sky, wondering what time it was. It looked to be mid evening, about 7 or 8. That means I was with Cullen for about an hour. I went to my usual bathing area, excited about getting clean. I threw my clothes nearby, and quickly undressed before stepping into the water. I sat, soaking my body in the water. It felt amazing.

An hour went by and I knew I wouldn't have the energy to get back up to my room if I didn't hurry and wash. I washed my hair twice, knowing it needed it and scrubbed my body until it hurt. I don't think I ever went so long without having a proper wash. I would have to figure out a way to get scents like these before going on the next adventure.

I quickly dressed, grabbing my boots and clothes, opting to walk barefoot to my room. These boots needed serious cleaning. As I walked, I realized that no one was really out and about. Which was odd for this time at Skyhold. I heard a roar of laughter and cheering and saw that the tavern was full, probably listening to stories Varric made up about our mission. I smiled to myself, wanting to join in, but not wanting to be around so many people.

I wondered if Cullen was in there, and my smile disappeared. Maybe it was better that he was mad at me. That he stayed away from me and my demon. I started up the stairs, my mind not taking a break from Cullen. I mean, I am pretty sure he'll find a way to get over it, but what if he doesn't? I needed a phone to call Sadie! I needed my sister.

I threw my clothes on my floor when I got to my room and picked up my comb, running it through my hair. I glanced around this room, not really thinking about it being my room until now. This is your permanent home. I should really make it more me…somehow. I saw the lavender I had found and let dry so I could use it to help make the room smell nice. I set my comb down, picking up the dry lavender and inhaled it, happy for the peacefulness it filled me with.

Placing the lavender down, I glanced over at my bed, ready for something soft. I picked up my staff and bag, placing them by the chair in the corner. Sitting softly on the bed, I sighed in relief. This felt so nice. I needed this. The cheering from the tavern was loud, and I was surprised I could hear it here. Cullen.

I placed a pillow behind my back and grabbed my lute, hoping that the music would help me not drift into overthinking the situation. I remembered a favorite that I used to sing all the time, Demons by Imagine Dragons.

"When the days are cold, and the cards all fold, and the saints we see are all made of gold. When your dreams all fail and the ones we hail are the worst of all, and the blood's run stale. I wanna hide the truth. I wanna shelter you, but with the beast inside, there's nowhere we can hide." I couldn't tell how loud I was singing or if I was even on key. Right now, I wasn't giving a performance, I was healing and that meant not trying to be perfect. As I sang, my mind relaxed and my body became less tense, helping me to remember the song and chords.

"Curtain's call is the last of all. When the lights fade out, all the sinners crawl. So, they dug your grave, and the masquerade will come calling out at the mess you've made." I felt an emotion building in my chest at those particular words and I couldn't explain what I felt. Desperation? Hope? Love? I didn't quite know. Maybe a combination of all three. I just knew as I got closer to the end of the song, the feeling grew. "They say it's what you make, I say it's up to fate. It's woven in my soul, I need to let you go. Your eyes, they shine so bright, I wanna save that light. I can't escape this now, unless you show me how. When you feel my heat, look into my eyes. It's where my demons hide. It's where my demons hide. Don't get too close, it's dark inside. It's where my demons hide. It's where my demons hide."

I was breathing hard when I finished and the feeling in my chest exploded, making the need to cry unbearable. I set my lute on the ground, and tried to fight the urge to cry. Air. Fresh air was what I needed. I rushed to the nearest door and pulled it open, hurrying to the rampart, not surprised to see it was dark out now.

Leaning on the rampart, I breathed in the fresh air, filling my lungs until they burned. I leaned onto my forearms, gazing at the mountains. Absent mindedly, I grabbed my necklace, rolling it between my fingers. I glanced up at the stars and sighed. "La vie en rose my ass," I muttered. I pushed myself away from the wall, heading back to my room, glad that the door I went out of didn't lead to the rampart I shared with Cullen.

It was hard, not opening the door that went to his office. I shut my door behind me, gazing at my other one, wanting so badly to see if he had a light on. I felt exhausted and I knew some sleep would help me. There was nothing more I could do tonight if he didn't want to talk.

I was pulling my blanket down to get into bed when I heard something fall outside my door. Hesitating, I stood there, deciding if I should check it out or not. I rolled my eyes, knowing if I didn't and it ended up being a drunk Iron Bull or Dorian, I wouldn't hear the end of how I didn't help them. I made my way to the door, pulling it open.

The only light came from my room and it took me a second to adjust to the dark to see. I saw someone bending over, picking up the crates that fell, and my bedroom light hit armor. "Cullen?" I asked surprised. "Are you drunk?"

Cullen froze when I said his name and he turned toward me slowly, a curl falling in his face. "No, not drunk," he replied in the darkness. "Just didn't see these in the dark."

I watched him finish stacking the last crate and he kept his hands on it. What in the world is he doing out here? I realized that I should just go back into my room and let him process everything. "Watch out for the barrel by your door," I told him. "It must have been put there recently. Ummm….night," I said awkwardly, closing the door behind me.

I made sure all the torches were out before getting into my bed. I wanted complete darkness tonight, except for the light that came from the moon through my windows. I knew I was exhausted, mentally and physically, but I couldn't sleep. Cullen was on my mind and the conversation I had with him. I felt the time go by, and an hour passed with me tossing, trying to find a comfortable position. I heard a light knock at my door and I pushed the covers off of me, heading to the door. Not like I could sleep anyhow.

I opened the door, surprised to find Cullen there, his expression hard to read in the dark. "For two weeks, I wondered if you were alright. If you were being bullheaded and fighting when you shouldn't or trying to tame a bear to prove a point." The moon hit his hair, making his blonde lighter. I stood in silence, not wanting to interrupt what I thought was a planned speech. I mean, the way he talks can't be made up on the spot? Can it?

His hands were moving when he started to talk, distracting me for a moment, but I kept my focus on his face. Well, what I could see of it in the dark. "Then I saw you were safe and I felt relieved and I knew it was foolish to think you wouldn't be. I can't explain what I feel when I see you, besides happiness. Not just that though, it's more than that, but I can't put my finger on what else it is. It's almost overwhelming."

"Cullen," I interrupted and he cut me off, his voice determined. I watched him trying to find words to say. So, this was on the spot.

"I don't approve of your choice in magic," he told me, his voice matter of fact. "In fact, I didn't know if I could be with someone that was one, but then I remembered how I felt when you held your head in pain. How you suddenly were yelling at no one in the room and you couldn't hear anything I was saying to break it. I was terrified and angry. Not angry at you, but angry that it was happening to you and I couldn't help. I could only watch." Cullen looked down at the ground, before glancing back up at me. "I felt useless again.

"I went to see the Inquisitor, to figure out what she knew. I was angry at you, that you didn't feel upset with your choice or what this could do to the Inquisition. Then I didn't know if I could be with a blood mage. If I could know that you willingly became one after everything I told you. What I went through. I was going to come tell you that I thought it was best if we stopped this now and took some time before anything more developed between us. Then Solas told me something that I can't get out of my mind. Just because you can't understand something, it doesn't make it wrong." His voice didn't waver or anything when he said those words. I felt like slamming the door on him, but I was too shocked to speak. "I let my pride get the best of me, and I realized once I got to my office, that I couldn't do that. That I knew one side of blood magic and I don't know if I ever could see a good side to it, but if anyone could prove they can use it right, it would be you. That's when I heard your voice singing. That's how I ran into the crates, I was trying to get back to my room after coming closer to hear."

He stepped closer and his hand went to my cheek, his thumb stroking it gently. "I realized that you were helping me with my demon, and I needed to do the same for you." I reached a hand up to cover his on my cheek. "Blood mage or not, I can't let you go."

I threw my arms around his neck, standing on tip toe to kiss him. His arms went around my waist and I felt the warmth spread through my chest. We broke the kiss and I put a hand on the back of his head, staring up at him. "I'm sorry I made you angry," I said quietly.

Cullen shook his head, his face very serious. "No more apologies," he told me, leaning down for another kiss. There was another overwhelming urge in my chest and I knew that I had to say something before I exploded.

I let my arms down and broke the kiss, grabbing his hand from my back and pulling him into my room. "Come on."

Cullen hesitated for a moment before giving me his half smile, shutting the door behind him when he got in my room. I suddenly felt nervous and I didn't know what I should do next, it being awhile since I last did this. I was never good with sexy. Cullen was there then, kissing me, one hand on my back, pulling me closer, the other on my neck. I put my hands in his hair, wanting to get closer to him, frustrated by his damn armor. I broke the kiss to unbuckle his chest plate, and he helped me, making the process faster. He undid his belt, throwing it on the ground, before shrugging his robe off. "How do you have more to take off then me?" I teased, reaching out to undo the buckles on his arm throwing it toward the chair in the corner.

"Makes my job easier," he flirted back, his voice low and husky. I blushed, working on his other arm as he leaned forward to kiss my neck, his free hand on my hip. I stopped what I was doing, the feeling of his kisses sending shivers down me. "Need help Captain?" He rasped.

"If you think it'll make it go faster," I muttered, leaning my neck for easier access. I glanced down at the armor, realizing it was almost done. I undid the last loop, letting it fall off his arm. I reached for his chest again, realizing he was still wearing his chest plate. "Chest, Cullen."

His lips left my neck and he pulled off his chest plate, his smirk forming as he set it down. He pulled off his gloves throwing them down by the armor and threw off his shirt. I wish I had torches lit, and was glad the moon was almost full tonight so I could see his chest and abs for the most part.

His eyes were darker when he looked at me and I ran my hand down his chest, surprised I haven't seen him shirtless, besides in game. I glanced up at his scar, wanting to do this for so long. Then suddenly it clicked in my head. I was going to have sex with the Commander. I was going to have sex with Cullen! Don't freak out, I told myself.

Damn it, I was nervous. No. You got this Kassy. You're Captain King! Come on. It's Cullen. He moved some hair from my face, noticing my concern. "Are you alright?" His voice was comforting and I suddenly felt a little less nervous. This was Cullen. He knew when something was wrong. He cared.

I reached a hand up, tracing the scar on his lip. "Yeah," I replied, standing on tip toe to kiss him, the kiss deepening into more than it has been before. Our tongues danced, and we gripped to each other, his hands holding my face and mine in his curls.

He grabbed the hem of my shirt and lifted it, and I raised my arms, not letting myself be embarrassed about being shirtless. I didn't have the chance too, Cullen pulled me to him, our chests touching. I forgot what it felt like to be this close to someone. To have someone make you feel beautiful. Worthy. He let his hands wander my back and hips, the touch of skin on mine causing a groan from me.

Cullen pushed me back on to the bed and felt my necklace hit my chest. I pulled it off, throwing it towards the pillows, not wanting it to break on the ground. Cullen tugged his boots off before starting to lean over me. He stopped on his knees and admired the view. He growled and leaned forward, taking my mouth again.

His breathing was unsteadied as he ran his hands down me and I felt myself blush as he broke the kiss and watched his hands. "You are gorgeous Kass," he whispered kissing the top of my breasts and working his way up to my neck. "Do you know what I want to do to you right now?"

"I have an idea," I teased, my nails running lightly up his back. He caught his breath and he glanced back up at me, his eyes shining in the darkness. I thought of the lion and his prey, and instead of terrified, I was excited. I pushed his chest up and I ran my hands down his muscles. My God his muscles. Thank Andraste this man wanted to be with me. It still seemed so unreal. Yet, here I was, Captain King, taking in the Commander.

I slowly made my way to my knees, wanting to be able to see more of him like he did me. His arms encircled me and I kissed the top of a shoulder, working my way down his chest. I heard a low groan escape him and I glanced down to see how to get his pants off. I untied the laces and he got the hint of what I was doing. He brought me close to him, kissing me soundly as he laid me back down, my arms around his neck.

He kicked off his pants, and I couldn't help but stare at the Adonis before me. Seriously, this man was like a superhero. I leaned on my elbows, watching the back of him as he bent to pull off his pants the rest of the way. Dorian was right. That ass. I blushed thinking about what happens next, but it soon disappeared as Cullen crawled onto the bed again, getting a quick peek at the evidence of how aroused he was.

I didn't have much time to think about it though. His lips were on my stomach and he was slowly making his way up. His fingers outlined my scars from surgeries and the Fade. Whiskey eyes glanced up at me with admiration and I felt the warmth in my chest again. He licked and nipped as he worked his way towards my breasts, causing my breath to quicken.

Cullen looked up giving me an appreciative smile, and let his tongue roll over my nipple. I closed my eyes and moaned, letting the sensation take over me, a hand automatically going for his curls, the other for his shoulder. I felt his other hand kneading my other breast, tugging and rolling my nipple between his fingers. I arched my back, pushing my breast further into his mouth. He moaned and tugged the nipple with his teeth.

I started to wiggle under him. "Cullen, please," I begged, not believing he got me to beg. He chuckled and met my lips hard. He hooked his fingers in the waist of my pants and I lifted my hips as he pulled them down my legs. He ran a hand up my leg, loving the way his hands felt on me. I felt his hand wander from my collarbone, lightly brushing down past my breast and sitting on stomach.

My hands were roaming his back and up into his hair. I moaned as his hand traced the inside of my thigh. We were both breathing unevenly and I bravely moved my hips up, bushing my sex on his leg. He growled and repositioned himself over me. My legs opened automatically, both of us taking a moment to assess each other. We kissed again and he entered me, both of us moaning through the kiss.

I let him control the pace, unable to think coherently at the moment. He kissed my neck again and I crossed my legs around his waist. Cullen was slow at first and then his thrusts were faster. "Cullen," I breathed into ear, my neck arching up.

My nails dug into his shoulders and I felt the growling in his chest. I matched his thrusts and he moaned into my ear. I held on to him as I felt pressure rising in me. We were in perfect sync and he moaned my name as I licked some sweat from his shoulder. I arched my back, my chest flushed with his chest, as he reached a hand down to massage my clit. I moved under him, thrusting higher and faster. He matched me, both of us moaning and growling. He smiled as he saw I was close and I felt my body shake sighing his name as I came. He followed right after me, growling my name before collapsing on top of me.

I chuckled in pleasure, still panting. I ran a hand through his sweaty curls, not realizing the workout we had. I just had sex with Cullen….and it was fantastic. Cullen kissed my shoulder as he rolled onto his side next to me, propping himself up on an arm, looking down at me. "What's so funny?"

I grinned, grabbing his other hand in mine. "You growled. Like a lion," I told him, winking. "I liked it."

He rolled onto his back placing an arm behind his head. "I try not to disappoint."

I giggled, rolling towards him to lay my head on his chest. "You didn't," I assured him, my eyes getting heavy. I soaked in the warmth of him and the way his muscles felt under and next to me. "Cullen," I began. "Are we okay?"

Cullen took a deep breath and I heard a chuckle rumble in his chest. "I thought we were more than just okay," he replied, his voice husky. "Or was I doing that with someone else?" I leaned up, looking him, raising my eyebrows. He tucked some of my hair behind my ear, his whiskey eyes warm as he met my blue ones. "Honestly, I never felt this way like I feel for you."

I leaned down to kiss him, his arm going around my waist. I rested my head against his forehead, and I felt so lucky to have this man in my life. "You staying?"

Cullen pulled me down against him, kissing my hair. I was so glad I decided to bathe. "I'm not going anywhere," he assured me. I felt myself starting to get tired again and we both laid in silence together, happy to just hold each other. I felt Cullen's hand search my stomach.

"Can I help you?" I questioned laughing. He chuckled and his hand stopped.

"I was making sure we didn't hurt the wound," he explained. I moved his hand to my scar.

"It's all healed," I informed him, very pleased with myself. "Anders made sure everything was fine. Not that anything could happen with your hounds watching me."

I felt the rumble of his laugh vibrate in his chest. "I didn't think you'd figure it out."

I playfully hit his chest. "I'm pretty smart ya know," I countered.

His arm tightened around me. "I know," he assured me. We were quiet again and I closed my eyes, feeling myself drifting into sleep. My breathing got slower, matching Cullen's and soon I slipped into darkness.

Adfksdjfjdsfjdsfjk

"You are putting way too much thought into this," I sighed, pushing open the door to Josephine's office.

"You aren't," Sera protested. "I want Solas' head to sparkle, and you know Inqui is rubbing it with her hands. Therefore, I need to get the Pixie Dust on her gloves."

I laughed, shaking my head. "I have never been great at pranks, Sera. You're gonna have to find a different partner in crime." I opened the door to the hallway toward the War Room. "Putting it in books probably wasn't the best idea either."

Sera waved my comment away. "Dorian loved it," she retorted. "Claims he always wanted his outfits to match the sparkle in his eyes." I rolled my eyes. Yeah, Dorian would say that. "I heard you and Cully Wully had a fight," she brought up nonchalantly. I blushed, avoiding her gaze. "Oh, right then. You and the templar were doing it. Eh, Kassy."

I blushed harder, glad that we were at the door to the War room. "Oh, look! Saved by the door!" I exclaimed, pushing it open. Sera chuckled and followed me in, skipping over to Dorian. I sighed in relief, happy she was content with how we left the conversation. The rest of the crew was here, the advisors and the Inquisitor at the war table.

Iron Bull and Blackwall were talking to each other, Iron Bull suddenly throwing his head back in a laugh. Cole's glanced flickered between the two of them, probably enthralled in whatever they were talking about. Cassandra was talking with Hawke, their conversation heated, while Anders listened to Varric's story. Vivienne stood in a corner, bored and not caring. My sight was for one person right now. There he was. Furthest away from the group.

I headed toward Solas, making sure to keep a smile on my face. "Hey Solas," I greeted him, his nod of greeting almost royal like. Gods ya know. "I just wanted to thank you for what you told Cullen last night."

Solas looked at me quizzically before he registered what I was talking about. "I wasn't doing it specifically for you. I was saying it to help explain a point."

"Well, you nailed it," I congratulated him. "Brah," I added. Solas rolled his eyes and I grinned. "There you go. Back to our usual relationship." Solas seemed unamused but I saw his mouth twitch into a smile for a second. I heard Josephine call my name and I saluted Solas, before heading over to the table.

I stood next to Josephine, her smile wide as I approached. I grinned back, putting my hands on my hips. "What's up?"

She raised her eyebrows at my phrase and pulled out my drawings. "These are absolutely perfect," she gushed, pointing to a dress design. "We have the pieces made and waiting to be fitted. I must say I'm surprised at your ingenuity."

Wow, what a big word to describe something I did. I chuckled, happy that the designs went so well. "I guess I missed my calling," I joked. Josephine put the pieces away as she chuckled.

"Perhaps you did," she replied with a wink. "I may have to have you design my wardrobe."

"Mine too," Leliana chimed in. I grinned at them, laughing. Cullen glanced up from talking with Branwen when he heard my laugh, stopping for a second before continuing his sentence. I winked at him and his scar lifted into a half smile as he continued talking, his attention on Branwen again.

Leliana saw the exchange and she raised her eyebrows at me, a knowing smile on her face. I blushed, tucking my hair behind my ear. I felt a pang start and I closed my eyes, willing it away, not dealing with Nightmare's shit today.

"Captain," Branwen said, gaining my attention. "You said that none of the leaders are truly telling the truth. Correct?"

"Yes. They are all just blackmailing each other and honestly, I feel that it's whoever you don't think is the worst at it," I explained. Leliana chuckled and I shrugged my shoulders. "You'll find out there, but-." I noticed a layout of the Winter Palace. "Is that the palace?"

"Yes," Josephine told me. "We just received it today. We've had someone working on drawing the layout for us."

I studied it, figuring out which way I was staring at it. I grabbed Josephine's pen, her mouth open about to protest. I went around the table to stand next to Cullen, the map facing me the correct way. "Okay," I began. I have played this level so many times I knew where everything was. Did you use Golden Halla statues to open doors here? I'm guessing no, so I'll skip the statues. I marked areas on the map where she would find black mail and important information.

I stopped writing, feeling like there was something important I should be telling her. What was it? "Gaspard! His sister is trying to kill Celine but he doesn't know it."

"Florianne?" Josephine asked in surprise.

"How could Gaspard not know of his sister's plans?" Cullen inquired, his eyes flickering from me to Branwen.

"She's been taught well," I suggested. "Best to keep an eye on her during the ball."

Branwen's face was deep in thought. "Of course," she replied. "So much drama for one ball."

"A good Orelasian one wouldn't be complete without it," Leliana confirmed with a smirk.

I kept on marking the map, writing names and what the item actually was beside it. "That's everything," I told her. "Hopefully you can have Dagna make a key that can fit in any door to open it. A lot of these doors are locked."

"Cullen?" Branwen inquired.

"Of course," Cullen replied with a bow of his head.

"Like I told you before, you are going to need people distracting the others so they don't realize you are gone." I threw pointed looks around the table. "You are going to have to dance."

"We aren't going to be able to dance well enough to distract them," Josephine protested.

I turned to Branwen. "You're going to have to memorize these locations," I told her. "Because I'm not going to be able to go with you. I have some dancing to impress the court with."

Branwen laughed in disbelief. "You think you have dancing that can impress Celine and her court? Long enough for them not to notice?"

"Of course," I replied with confidence and the other three snickered. "Alright, you guys don't know the kind of dancing that we do in America."

Leliana's smirk turned to a smile. "If it's anything like your songs, I'm sure we'll all be entertained."

I did a finger gun at her, then studied the map again, making sure I didn't miss anything. When I was sure I didn't, I stood up straight, crossing my arms. "Hopefully this helps," I told them.

"More than you know," Branwen assured me. "Now that this is settled, let's get on to why I have everyone here." She rolled up the map and placed it to the side of the table. She grabbed the pen I was holding, leaning in toward me. "I'll give you a couple minutes to collect yourself."

"Thanks," I muttered, watching her return the pen to Josephine asking to see the drawings again. Leliana joined them, glancing back at me with a curious look. A sharp pang shot through me and I leaned on the table, closing my eyes. Nope. "I'm a force to be reckoned with Nightmare. I will beat you, so stop trying," I whispered.

I felt a hand on my back and I opened my eyes, relieved that the pain resided. "Sorry," I muttered, mad that he saw me talking to Nightmare again.

"Everything alright?" Cullen asked in a low voice. I gave a nod in reply. "Yeah. Just telling him who's boss."

I straightened up, tucking my hair behind my ears. "Let's do this Commander." Cullen grabbed my hand, squeezing it, before he headed over to the group. I followed behind him, ready to see what we could do about this demon.

Branwen took notice of my arrival and she cleared her throat, gaining everyones' attention. "Normally I wouldn't have these kind of meetings, but I felt as my inner circle, you should know." Her voice held authority and everyone gave her their full attention. "For those who traveled with me to the Fade, you remember Nightmare. He's back, in Captain." Almost everyone pointed their attention to me before looking back to Branwen. "When she became a blood mage he somehow found a way to her. Now we need any knowledge you possess to help us figure out how to stop this from turning into an Anders situation."

"For the last time, Justice didn't make me blow up the chantry. It was my choice," Anders objected.

Sera laughed her high pitched giggle. "Blew up a chantry? Kind of ironic isn't it? Ya know…seeing how that's what they thought she did."

Hawke stared at me, studying me. Branwen started talking and she owned the floor again. "With the ball coming up, we are tight on time, so the sooner you come to me with information the better. If you can't find me, find Solas. We can't let Nightmare win."

Without a goodbye, Branwen left the room, making an exit. I felt as if we should all clap for her, but right now, I was aware of how many eyes were on me. Not wanting to be stared at any longer, I hurried after her, wanting to escape anywhere that I wouldn't be questioned.

"Captain!" Hawke bellowed. I froze, waiting for him to catch up. He kept stride with me once he caught up. "I told you to come to me once you heard voices," he hissed, not wanting to be overheard.

"I forgot you said that," I replied honestly. "It wasn't a slight toward you at all, but I panicked and well…you were there in the Fade. Remember the things he said? They are all directed toward me now. All the time."

Hawke grabbed my arm to make me stop, pulling me into the hall that led to the gardens. "I have spells to teach you to keep the pain away so your will is stronger."

I almost cried in relief. Wait, how did he know of the pain? "Do you have a demon?"

"No. I have seen enough possessions to know how they go. You have lasted longer than any I have seen so far. You must have a strong will," he complimented.

I didn't know how to reply so I just shrugged. "Are you coming to the ball?"

"I'm going to see if I can, if only to help you with Nightmare. After what you did for me in the Fade, well-." Hawke glanced at the ground and back up at me. "This isn't enough to repay you."

I blushed. "I don't need to be repaid."

"I know," he acknowledged. "That's what makes me need to do it more." He cleared his throat, glancing back at the door. "Plus, it will piss Curly off to no ends." He backed toward the door, a mischievous grin on his face.

I followed him back to the Main hall. "Eventually you two will become friends."

Hawke belly laughed. "A bard and a jester! You're too much Captain." He strolled away, laughing the whole way.

Cullen approached me, worry on his face. "I'm okay," I told him right away, pulling him into a corner where we wouldn't be noticed. "Especially seeing you. Are you okay though? I know you said we were alright last night. I didn't know if that meeting made a difference to you at all."

Cullen smirked and I thought I saw a little bit of a blush. "Nothing could change how I feel after last night," he assured me, his voice husky. He leaned a hand against the wall, hiding us from the rest of the Main Hall.

"I guess it was alright," I teased, giving him a wink. "Especially the growl."

"Maker's breath," he groaned, leaning forward to kiss me, my hands gripping his robe. I bit his lip lightly and he growled. "Come back to my office?"

I half smiled at him. "I thought the Commander was a very busy man. How could he have the time to do unimaginable things on his desk? Actually, how could he get his desk messy at all? Things might break and papers could fall."

He kissed me lightly again. "For you, I'll make an exception."

"Well, if the Commander is wanting a meeting, I can schedule some time," I whispered, running a hand down his chest plate.

I heard my name being called and I sighed. "Ignore it," Cullen told me, giving me a lidded gaze.

"Captain," Josephine addressed us. "I'm sorry Commander, I really need her for a while."

Cullen sighed and straightened, his arm no longer trapping me in the corner. I gave an apologetic glance at him. "Later Lion," I whispered passing him by.

He shook him head, hand on neck. I followed Josephine, her gaze looking at my outfit. "What happened to your boot?"

"Hinterlands," I gave as an explanation, holding up the boot in question.

She shook her head and sighed. "I'll have Liliana get you a new pair. As you know, she has an eye for shoes."

Yes! This must be what people felt like when a celebrity picks out their clothing. "What exactly are we doing now?" I asked, her pace fast as she made her way up some stairs.

"Dress fitting," she told me in an excited voice. "They are absolutely gorgeous!"

I squealed inside with excitement, my face beaming.

Maker's breath, I couldn't wait to see what my design looked like in person!