I do not own any characters. They all belong to the Inquisitor…I mean Bioware. Shout out to my Beta reader Eruya. Thank you to everyone that followed/favorited/commented on this story! I really appreciate it! Hope you enjoy this chapter! Rated M for language and lemons.

Chapter 18

Do I stop this? Do I keep watching it? Would that make them upset? Ugh! Never have I ever been in this situation. Cassandra came to stand by me, her eyebrow arched high. "Should I assume this is about more than ale?"

I crossed my arms, my fingers on my left hand resting on my mouth, a nervous habit I formed in high school. I glanced over at her before shrugging my shoulders and focusing on the men. "Maybe they really appreciate ale," I suggested.

Cassandra made a disgusted noise, rolling her eyes. "Sera is telling everyone about the declaration at Herald's Rest," she told me.

"Okay," I admitted, hands going to my hips. "It's about me. Happy?"

Cassandra smirked, crossing her arms across her chest and leaning on her right leg. "It is surreal, is it not? Almost like a scene from Varric's novels."

I let out an amused grunt, smiling slightly before glancing at her. "The Knight Captain and the Warden, fighting for her heart?"

Cassandra's smirk turned into a grin and she watched Cullen and Stroud getting into position. The other recruits stopped to see the Commander's fight against a Warden. The crowd was forming in front of Cassandra and I and she gave a grunt of annoyance, as the crowd blocked our view of the first swing. Who did it? Move people!

Cassandra made her way to the front, shoving a shoulder against people, making a path for us. I trailed her, not wanting to miss any more of the duel. I heard the clashing of steel and the audience talking in low voices, making me nervous to see what was happening. Besides Cassandra, no one else suspected the reason for this fight. I slid past a soldier, finally at the front. Cullen and Stroud were pretty much on the same level when it came to experience. Watching such a high skilled fight was so fascinating and nerve-wrecking. Stroud's style was very different from Cullen's but they both anticipated each other's moves without thinking, both concentrating on only the tension from the two of them.

Come on, Cullen! What happened if he didn't win this fight? Stroud was a very amazing man, but I want Cullen. I was meant to be with him. This fight was so stupid, I decided. Didn't what I want mean anything? No matter the result of this fight, I wasn't going to abide by their dumb wager. I heard the Princess Jasmine quote in my head, "I am not a prize to be won!" Yet, it's kind of cool that people even think me a prize.

"Who are we hoping wins?" Cassandra asked in a low voice. Her eyes were also hypnotized by the fight, not able to look away.

"Not that either of them listened to me earlier, but Cullen," I answered, wincing as Stroud hit Cullen's armor. "Stroud told me he wasn't going to stop pursuing unless Cullen and I were in love."

Cassandra gave a quick laugh, a hand going to her chin. "Are you?"

I let out a deep sigh, glancing at her for a quick second, before staring at Cullen. His face was focused, determination on his face. His eyes were bright with exhilaration, and he was never sexier than now. What would I do without him? Who was I kidding? I've been in love with him since I first saw him at the tower in Origins. "Without a doubt," I confessed with dreamy smile.

Her face was filled with wonder as she stared at me, her eyes trying to figure me out. "You should tell him then," Cassandra told me, her eyes fierce. "Now, before this fight becomes something more."

I heard a grunt, and Stroud shield bashed Cullen, who recovered quickly. Neither of them had a lead on this fight, probably going until one of them fell from exhaustion. They both were in it to win the fight, which flattered and worried me. "In front of everyone?" I questioned her looking at the crowd.

"This fight is only going to end when one of them collapses. Do you have a plan if Stroud wins?" Her voice was matter of fact and I gave a sigh. Damn her being right. This was not how I planned on ever telling him. If ever. I would have waited him out on this.

The fight was more intense now as the blur of swords continued, both of them not even letting their guard down for a second. Many were cheering now, many shouting advice to the Commander, and still they fought on, their focus never breaking. They were both sweating from the exertion and I bit my lower lip. Alright, Captain King. Do this! Tell him! Fuck, this was nerve wrecking.

"Alright!" I declared, grabbing Cassandra's sword and stepping forward, prepared to physically stop the fight if I had too. More like use it to block any accidental swings that could otherwise probably kill me. I straightened my shoulders walking with long strides, like a Captain breaking up a fight with his crew. I got nearer and the two of them put their swords down, panting heavily. I turned to the rest of the people.

Cassandra was by me, probably followed close behind the whole time, and she glanced around. "Back to your training! The Commander is needed by the Inquisitor!" People groaned as they followed the Seeker's orders, knowing it would be unwise otherwise. I gave her a small smile of thanks, handing her the sword.

"Sorry I took it without thinking," I confessed, my hand wanting something to hold as I turned to the men. Cassandra sheathed the sword, her brown eyes on me expectantly.

Cullen and Stroud were poised like the leaders they were, both not letting on just how intense that fight just was. "I have training," Cassandra stated, leaving me with a raised eyebrow and expectant straight face. I felt like a little kid when she did that face. "I'll leave you to it, Captain."

I nodded in reply, watching her leave, my hands on my hips. "As entertaining as that fight was, and as much as anyone here loves ale," I began, addressing the men and gaining their attention. Cullen's golden eyes were hidden with his Commander mode, no expressions getting through his stone exterior. Stroud had questions in his eyes, with a hint of anger. Alrighty. Let's do this King. "That was pretty hardcore fighting."

"A fight that wasn't and isn't over," Stroud informed me, glancing over at Cullen. Cullen's expression didn't change, but I saw his jaw stiffen.

"It is Stroud," I said gently, touching his arm. "I know this isn't about ale. You deserve someone that could love you for everything you are. That is your home," I told him. "I can't be that person."

Stroud's eyebrows furrowed and he frowned as he studied me. "You could," he said in exasperation. He reached out a hand for me, but I pulled away from him, stepping back toward Cullen.

I shook my head at Stroud, turning to face Cullen. He was watching us, his sword sheathed and arms crossed. His eyes followed my movement, flickering toward Stroud before coming back to me. "I am completely, and heart wrenchingly in love with you," I confessed. "This definitely isn't when or how I ever wanted to tell you," I gestured toward the training field. "In front of Stroud." His Commander mode was gone, his eyes processing what I said. "I mean…I wasn't planning…. God…." I took a breath, licking my lips, wishing I could read his expression. "You don't have to answer right away or anything if you want to think it over or think it's too-."

Cullen's shield dropped to the ground and suddenly he was kissing me, reminding me of how he sneak kisses you in game. My hands went to his chest, pressing against his. His lips were in a smile as he broke it. "I love you, too." His voice was husky and I felt the butterflies in my stomach, erupt. I gave a love-struck grin, his arms still holding me.

"I see I have lost this fight after all," Stroud admitted, breaking the moment between Cullen and me. I tore my attention away from Cullen to look at Stroud. His posture was stiff and too formal. "I'm sorry for any issues that arose from my behavior."

"You'll see that I wasn't the best pick for you anyhow," I said in a joking tone. "I'm a lot to handle."

Stroud gave a half smile. "I'll leave the Commander to handle it then. I shall see you around, Captain. Commander." Stroud gave an awkward head nod toward us before walking away toward the main area of Skyhold. He ran a hand down his face, as he walked away, his movements a little too rough. Probably anger.

I felt guilt in my stomach for somehow letting him believe I ever would have been an option for him. Wait…Kassy….do you realize what just happened? Cullen said he loved you. He. Loves. You! Cullen Stanton Rutherford is in love with you. Also, you broke the heart of a guy who is a great person. That sort of ruins the mood.

"Kass?" Cullen asked, gaining my attention. I focused back on him, my eyes going to his. He put a hand under my chin, holding my eyes. "You will never be too much to handle."

I felt my chest glow at his words and I felt tears in my eyes. Ugh! No, Kassy! No being a woman. Alright, I can't help it! Besides my parents, no one ever really made me feel I was loved, unconditionally. Yet, only a few months of knowing him, he made me feel this way. Maybe it was because neither of us have truly been in committed relationships before. That I knew of. I saw his face get worried as he noticed the tears in my eyes.

"I'm fine," I told him, laughing a little, reaching up to wipe under my eyes. "Did you know you're perfect?"

Cullen raised an eyebrow, his eyes flickering across my face, landing on my lips. He leaned down to kiss me again, my hand touching his face. He was sweaty from his fight and I remembered the way he looked with a sword in his hand and in the mode.

"I shouldn't keep the Inquisitor waiting," Cullen softly told me, letting his arms go.

I grabbed his arm, shaking my head at him. "Cassandra made that up to get the crowd away. You two really struck up an audience," I teased. "They all think you really love ale now."

Cullen rolled his eyes, but he had a smirk on his face. A hand went to the back of his neck and he shrugged his shoulders. "I…I couldn't help myself. I saw him with you, and after the past couple days….well…I figured it was more ethical than physical contact."

I narrowed my eyes in confusion, tilting my head. "So instead you decided a duel was the best choice?"

Cullen turned a little red. "I suppose," he replied.

I gave an exasperated sigh. "See! There is that answer again!" I stood on tiptoe to kiss his cheek. "I was going to train, but I now have to go work on drawings for Josephine."

Cullen's whiskey eyes glanced me up and down. "I should get back to training," he informed me, his hand on my hip. "Will I see you later?"

I took his hand in mine and started to walk away from him. I shrugged my shoulders and pretended to be nonchalant. "I suppose, but only if I get the key to my room and my sword back." Cullen laughed, shaking his head, bending over to grab his shield. I bit my lower lip, watching him as he shot me a final smile, striding back to the training field. "I'm serious about the key and sword!" I called after him. I tucked my hair behind my ear, tilting my head as I watched him walk away, my lips forming a smile.

I twirled around with a humongous grin. That man was my everything, that was for sure. I felt my heart beat fast and I let out a huge sigh. Today was a great day. Enjoy it while you can. While you sword play, I will be learning your magic. Fade and cold. Nightmare hissed.

I froze at that, thinking on what he said. He could learn my magic? Was this Nightmare being an ass or him legit warning me? I knew only one person who could explain to me the Fade deal with the demon and how to learn to keep him away. Fuck! I so didn't want to have to talk to Solas about having more lessons. I needed to embrace my mage side and learn what I could do. Not just enhance with blood magic. Though blood magic was awesome, I was finding myself not wanting to deal with it while Nightmare was in my head. This was the path I wanted though, right?

Shit! Alright, so you take one problem and knock it down. Go talk to Solas and then work on your sketches for Josephine. Time to put on the Captain pants and do what is best for you…and the Inquisition. I headed toward Skyhold, hoping Solas was in his study.

The office was quiet when I entered and I glanced up, seeing if I could see any sign of Dorian or Leliana. I never really thought to look up in this room. I just always looked down into it or around it. A book went flying over the balcony and I watched it land on the stone floor with a thud. Solas glanced up from his own reading, sighing before standing to pick up the book and place it on his desk. As he set the book on his desk he noticed me, his face serene as always. "Captain," he said in his even voice.

"Solas," I greeted him, entering the room and shutting the door. "There is something I wanted to talk to you about."

His demeanor changed to hostile and he came closer to me. "I don't know why you must harass me so about this subject, but I am not interested in hearing about how you feel I am a deity."

Wow…this got intense fast. I raised my eyebrows at him, clearing my throat. "I wasn't going to discuss that at all. Actually, I need your fade knowledge."

Solas gave me a small smile, probably secretly pleased I had an interest in the Fade. Please don't give a lecture. He crossed his arms, examining me. "The Fade is vast in knowledge. What exactly are you hoping to gain?"

Such sentence formation. No wonder he was so smart. I blinked at him a couple times, trying to remember why I was here. Oh yeah. "I want you to teach me how to control the sight. So, Nightmare can't use it." I clasped my hands in front of me, hoping I seemed more pathetic and demure this way.

Solas studied me for a moment as his body language became more relaxed. His eyes bore into mine, and I wondered what other beings he did this to. He was a god after all, taking down Flemeth and everything. Suddenly, I was aware of just how powerful Solas was. Solas was a god. Even gods can be persuaded to change their minds though, right? Maybe if I help him get the artifacts. The one that Corypheus has? Isn't that what he was after? Focus Kassy! Fade right now, Solas doesn't betray us plan later. After all, Solas wasn't truly a villain. He was doing what he thought he had to as a god. There are other gods though. Ones that might have just as much power as-. No! Kassy! Focus on this, damnit!

"Does he trouble you with the Fade?" Solas questioned. I glanced at his ears, wondering how he became a god. Fuck you, Kassy. Stop with the god thing already.

"Isn't the Fade your dreams or subconsciousness? He's been running my dreams lately," I admitted, wanting him to be impressed with my Fade knowledge. I listened to him sometimes in game…I just listened to everyone else a little more. "He says he's learning my magic while I swordfight. I figured it's time to really accept my mage side. Especially the Fade." I shrugged my shoulders giving him a small smile. "Who else to go to about the Fade then you?"

Solas was about to open his mouth, and I held up a hand. "I'm sorry, I know you were going to speak, but I have to say something else." This was going to be rough. Do it Kassy. You know you need to. "I know you wanted to give me lessons before, and you were being nice about it. I know you don't want me to mention it, but I think I am slightly terrified to get lessons from you. I know you won't admit it, but you're a fucking god. A god of evil according to the Dalish, apparently. Don't forget, I know what you want with the world. I've seen it. It's a little nerve wrecking not knowing what can happen in the Fade with my powers and a powerful god like yourself." I took a deep breath before continuing, keeping my blue-grey eyes on his.

"I've gotten to know you though, and know you want the same result as me. Corypheus to fall and the world restored." Even though he created this and his version of restored is a bit chaotic. "I need your help with Nightmare, Solas. I need to stop ignoring the powers I have and learn them so that I can beat Nightmare when he goes to use them. Please, please help me. You know the most about the Fade."

Wow. Way to sound pathetic, Kassy. Whatever got Solas to help. Solas' gaze was steady with mine and he gave a short nod. "For the Inquisition."

My grin was wide as I sighed in relief. "When did you want to start oh wise one?"

Solas shook his head and I bet he instantly regretted helping me. "Tonight," he instructed. "When all is quiet. Meet me here."

"Sounds like a pl-. Ah, shit!" I cried as a book hit my face with a lot of force. "Damn it Dorian!" I called up to him, holding my eye and picking the book up. Him and his fucking book throwing.

Dorian peered over the edge at me, his face between humored and apologetic. "My apologies, Kassy. I didn't realize Solas had a guest."

I knew I would be humored about this later, but my eye fucking hurt. "We were supposed to be amigos!" I said with exaggeration, pointing to my eye. "Now I'll never be beautiful!"

Dorian shook his head, playing along with my dramatics. "There, there. You'll always be beautiful to me." He leaned on the railing, a cheek in his hand. "One of the rarest beauties I've seen."

I gave him a grin, pressing the book to my chest. "Like a unicorn?" Did they know about unicorns here? They had to. They had dragons, they had to know about fucking unicorns. I swear a lot in my mind.

Dorian shook his head, a hand to his chest. "I'm afraid I am the only unicorn. You are like another mythical creature. Yes, you are a beautiful cyclops."

I frowned at him, rolling my eyes. "Gee Dorian. You know how to make a gal feel spectacular."

"I try," he told me, giving me a wink and going back to his books. I sighed turning to Solas. "I'll see you later then man..err…elf," I corrected myself, giving him a wave and going to the rampart. He gave me a nod goodbye, his eyes giving me the usual puzzled look after having in depth conversations with him.

I closed the door breathing in the fresh air and gently touched my eye. Yeah, that wasn't going to look pretty. Good thing there weren't many mirrors. I should ask Josephine if I could get one in my room. And a desk. Maybe I could get Blackwall to make me a desk. Take a break from his horses or griffins. Whatever he makes. I'll make sure to ask him when I was done with my drawings.

I passed through Cullen's office, seeing the scrolls on his desk piling up. He's going to be busy today. I shut the door behind me, quickly going to his desk. I opened the drawer to it, hoping to see the key to my room, but doubting he would leave it there. I hurriedly rummaged through the other drawers, almost giving up finding it when I felt metal under some parchment. Running my fingers on it, I lifted the papers, grabbing the metal from the drawer, disappointed it wasn't the key, but my dagger when I arrived. I smiled to myself, unsheathing the dagger. After seeing the legit daggers they had at Skyhold, this was amusing.

I grabbed a piece of parchment and sat in his chair, putting the dagger back under the papers. I cleared an area on his desk and started drawing, hoping I could finish this sketch for him before Cullen walked in. I quickly worked on it, seeing the image in my mind. I let the strokes be a little messy, knowing it would look even better that way. I smiled as I drew, missing drawing pictures, not just clothing or maps.

I finished it, admiring what I did. I slipped it under some parchment in the drawer, taking a few blank ones for myself as the door opened. Quickly, I shut the drawer, grabbing the blank parchment and book I took from Solas' study. Jim walked in, surprised to see me at the Commander's desk. "Just grabbing some parchment," I explained, inching to the door. "Enjoy your day."

I escaped to the rampart, as Jim watched me with curiosity. Heading to my room, I put the parchment on my bed, wanting to talk to Blackwall before doing my sketches, wanting a desk to work at after the ball. I jogged down the stairs to the barn, happy he wasn't that far out of the way like the training fields. I saw the Hart again as I approached and gave an appreciative smile, loving how handsome it was.

Blackwall was carving still, the man never seemed to stop. I went toward him, making my steps louder than usual so he knew I was there. Blackwall glanced over his shoulder at me, giving a warm smile. "Come to admire the Harts?"

"To ask a favor actually," I told him, grinning back. Casually, I strode up to stand beside him, leaning against a wooden pole. Blackwall chuckled raising his eyebrows. "How do you feel about making a desk?" I asked.

Blackwall crossed his arms, thinking it over. "A desk?" I nodded in reply. "For you?"

I nodded once again in reply. "Josephine is giving me more sketches to work on and I don't have a place to really work on them. Maybe even a drawing board? Like Josephine's?"

He glanced up at the ceiling of the barn thinking on it before gazing back at me. "I'll have it done when you return from Orlais."

His teeth shone and I flashed him a toothy smile back, wrapping my arms around him. Blackwall was like a big teddy bear. "You've made life so much easier!" I told him, letting him go. His eyes were bright with amusement and I thought I saw a hint of blush in his cheek. "Sorry about the hug," I told him. "I should probably get going."

Blackwall laughed, shaking his head. "Always a pleasure talking with you," he responded, giving me a wave.

I headed back to my room, knowing it was time to stop procrastinating and get my work done. I went and grabbed the parchment, pulling up a crate and sitting in behind it, choosing to sketch outdoors in the fresh air.

The sun was bright as I drew, and I looked into the mountains giving a sigh of happiness. I found myself humming and felt myself have more of a bluesy Florence and the Machine feel. "When the night, has come. And the land is dark. And the moon, is the only light we'll see. No, I won't, be afraid. Oh, I won't. Be afraid. Just as long, as you stand. Stand by me. And darling, darling, stand by me! Oh, stand, by me. Oh, stand now. Stand by me."

I finished a sketch, setting it aside under a piece of large rubble so it didn't fly away. I started my second one, tilting my head as I drew, continuing my song. As the drawing got more intense, I found myself humming, my jaw tightening in concentration.

I felt the inspiration like I felt from my fight, hit me and I clung on to it, wanting to really make these sketches good for Josephine. I blew a piece of air from my face, wiping my forehead, realizing that I stopped humming completely. Only the sounds of Skyhold were making their way to the rampart.

My fingers started to ache from drawing and I stretched them, leaning my back against the wall. I must have grown a hunchback from leaning over the crate for so long. I turned my head toward Cullen's office, wondering if he was in there. I saw a flash of maroon and his armor. Smiling, I watched the door, hoping for another glimpse. "I thought love was only true in fairy tales. Meant for someone else, but not for me. Love was out to get me. (guitar noise). That's the way it seems. (*guitar noise*). Disappointment, haunted all my dreams. Then I saw your face! Now I'm a believer. Not of trace, of doubt in my mind. I'm in love, oooh I. I'm a believer, I couldn't leave ya if I tried."

I pulled my crate to me as I sang, starting another sketch. I continued to sing, switching to my favorite got to Disney song, Colors of the Wind. I felt my stomach growl as I finished up the drawing and I felt relief that these were done. I scribbled a quick note on a piece of paper to hand to Cullen when I saw him next.

I went to grab my lute before gathering the drawings, and heading to Cullen's office, hoping to persuade him to join me for some food. I pushed the door open all the way, my smile leaving me as I realized the tenseness in his shoulders. "Cullen?"

He glanced over at me, his face pale. He was leaning over his desk, his arms shaking. I shut the door, giving him a concerned look. Cullen took a ragged breath, sitting in the chair. "I'm alright," he told me. I rolled my eyes at him. Always a hero.

"Bullshit," I told him. Always a lady, Kass. Classy. I set my drawings on his desk and went to him, stroking a curl from his face. "Lyrium?" He nodded and leaned his head back against the chair, closing his eyes. "What can I do to help?" I asked softly.

Cullen's eyes flickered open, his golden eyes resting on me. He grabbed my hand, his eyes closing again. I saw the sweat on his forehead and I felt a pull in my heart. How do I help him? I tried to think of something to help distract him, biting my lower lip as I thought. A story. That is what helped when I was in pain from my appendix. "When I was little, my brother and I used to pretend that we were bears."

Cullen gave a weak chuckle. Glancing at me briefly. "Bears?"

"Yes, bears." I confirmed, smiling softly. "We would gather all our stuffed animals and set them up in my bedroom, pretending they were like our tribe or something. I really don't know who thought up this weird game, but we loved it. We would do a theme song as we crawled to the room, making our big entry. Doo, doo, doo, doo, doo, doo, doo." Cullen raised an eyebrow, glancing at me, his breathing becoming more normal. "Yeah, I'm weird," I confirmed, smiling at him. "Anyhow, we would get into the room, still crawling, and we'd yell something. Usually a battle cry like thing. I don't remember what it was, but it made sense back then," I told him, waving a hand. "So, we'd do a battle cry and then we'd wrestle. Hard core. I don't remember who won most, except that typically we would end up getting yelled at by our mom to stop before we broke something."

"Did you?" He asked, his shaking gone. I thought it over a minute, trying to remember.

"Just my head," I told him, pointing to the scar on my forehead. "Hit it on the corner of my bed. Blood was everywhere. Really freaked out Liam."

Cullen grinned, pulling my arm so I landed in his lap. He stared at me and I ran a hand through his hair. "Did you make that story up? To distract me?"

I wrinkled my nose at him. "I wish I was that clever to think up a story instead of telling that one. Like me still?"

"Always," he whispered, bringing me in for a kiss. It was soft and quick, but I still felt the butterflies flittering. Cullen frowned as he stared at me and I started to get up, not wanting to crowd him if he was feeling the withdrawal again.

"Is it coming on again? You okay? What can I do? Want another story?" I felt like a cartoon character, trying to help the hero.

"What the hell happened to your eye?" He asked, reaching out to touch it. I flinched when he touched the bruise, swearing from the sharp pain. Eye pain was always the worst.

"Why do you always have to touch the bruises?" I asked, grabbing his hand and moving it. Woah Kassy. Apologize now. Attitude. "Sorry," I told him, clearing my throat. "It just hurts. Dorian accidently threw a book at my eye."

"Accidently?" Cullen asked, a little bit of anger in his voice. "So, he cheats at chess and throws books?"

I raised my eyebrows at him. "He purposefully cheats at chess. He doesn't purposefully hit people with books. I think." I shrugged my shoulders. "Besides, chess is hard to learn. I mean, the horse can only move at a right angle, and you got to figure out if you want to move the bishop dude super far or not."

Cullen's forehead furrowed and he tilted his head, confusion on his face. "What game are you talking about?"

"Chess," I told him. "You know, checkmate."

"I know checkmate," Cullen told me, smiling in amusement. "What you described wasn't chess."

I thought back on the board that Cullen and Dorian uses in game. It did look a little different, didn't it? "No," I told him. "In my world, it's chess."

He shook his head at me. "Well, it isn't chess."

"Alright. What are you? King of chess?" I asked him, getting up from his lap. "I'll be honest. I am on the same boat as Dorian. I cheat."

Cullen's smirk was one of the sexiest things I've ever seen. I tucked my hair behind my ear and returned a smile. "I'll teach you," he told me, his voice husky.

"I'd like that," I told him, genuinely meaning it. I've seen the looks he gave the Inquisitor in game. Chess was when I truly fell in love with that man in game. "You know what I would also like?" I came toward him, grabbing his hand. "You coming with me, getting food, and talking." I leaned toward him a little. "In public," I whispered.

Cullen studied me, his expression unreadable. I worried that he wouldn't want to be in public with me. "Commander Cullen," Cassandra's voice said as the door opened. We both glanced over at the intrusion, and she froze as she looked at both of us. "Am I interrupting?"

I shook my head at her, giving her a smile. "Not at all," I told her. I looked at Cullen, leaning down to kiss his cheek. "I'll see you later, Commander."

Cullen gave me a half-smile, squeezing my hand as I went to leave. "Later, love." I raised my eyebrows at him with the term of endearment. Gathering my papers, I passed a smirking Cassandra, giving her a wink as I made my way to the rampart.

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"These are perfect, Captain," Josephine praised. She glanced up at me with a grin.

"I try," I teased, crossing my legs. I bounced a foot, leaning back in the chair near her desk. "I'll work on the other sketches during our travel. Sorry I didn't get them done sooner. My day suddenly filled up without me really trying."

Josephine smiled, shaking her head. "These are perfect to start with," she assured me. "I talked to the smith about making your armor. He needs to see you before he continues to make sure it will fit correctly."

"Fit correctly, eh?" I joked, giving her a wink. "I typically have them buy me dinner first."

Josephine seemed confused and she took a minute to think it over before chuckling. "I see. Zevran and you have more in common than one might think."

I laughed, standing now. "And how does our ambassador enjoy a fellow Antivan?" There was a faint blush to her cheeks and I sat back down, my grin widening. This must be how Dorian and Hawke feel when they are teasing me. "Woah," I said with a grin. "Does someone find him, dare I say, attractive?"

Josephine rolled her eyes at me. "He doesn't need help confirming his appearance. It is nice to have someone who will be able to help the Inquisitor while we distract the nobles. You have a plan for this distraction, no?"

"Yes," I assured her. "Just have to confirm it with Zevran. Speaking of the devil, I have to meet him to finalize everything after I stop by for my armor fitting." My stomach rumbled loudly, earning an amused glance from Josephine.

"Stop and eat while you are at it. We don't want to have you dropping from hunger," she teased. I giggled, standing to leave. "Find someone to help with that eye, it doesn't look great. I'll see you at the meeting this evening."

"Later Josephine," I told her, giving a salute before heading to the door. She shook her head in amusement, going along with my odd ways.

The main hall was filled with people eating and talking, the sounds echoing throughout the hall. I glanced at the throne as I made my way to Harritt, stopping to really look at it. It was intimidating in person, large and dooming. Once, I stood here, waiting to hear my fate. I felt my heart pounding, Nightmare doing some heavy breathing in my brain. Was it him making me feel this way? I couldn't look away, my eyes glued to the throne, almost as if I was hypnotized.

A plate clattering to the ground broke the spell, and I shook my head, giving the throne a final glance before going to the smithy. I pushed the door open, greeted with the fresh crisp air of the smithy. I should come to this room more, it was definitely a favorite. I closed the door, leaving behind the noise of the hall and hearing only the sounds of hammering.

I slowly made my way down the steps, watching Harritt swing a hammer as he worked, his movements sure and strong. Dagna was at a desk, her hand sketching frantically. She glanced at some metal by her, before looking back to the parchment. Curious to what she was doing, I made my way to her, taking in the view of the Frostback mountains. "God, is it always this gorgeous?" I asked aloud.

"I think so," Dagna answered, noting me. "But I'm biased. It's my view most of the time."

I smiled and leaned against her desk, glancing at her sketch. I felt my eyes widen as I noticed the drawing I had drawn for her next to it. She was designing Puff. Well, what she thought was Puff. "Have you figured it out?" I asked her.

Dagna shook her head, clearly frustrated. "Without having a model, it's hard. Not that your drawing isn't great, it just doesn't tell me how anything functions." She studied me. "Does it need magic? Lyrium?"

I pondered that for a second. Could a car run off lyrium? "No. No lyrium." I gave her an apologetic face, glancing down at her blueprint. "Sorry I can't be of more use."

"It's alright," she told me, touching the key to Puff. "I'll find a way."

"Captain," Harritt called and I glanced over at him, waving goodbye to Dagna. I walked to Harritt, excited to see what he was making. "I heard you were a mage, but I've seen you fight with a sword. Took down those men like a warrior."

I blushed and nodded. "I do like swordplay," I replied stupidly. I silently chastised myself for not figuring out how to answer like an adult. "I mean, I am working on both my magic and fighting skills."

Harritt gave a sharp nod of approval, glancing me up and down. He walked around me, tilting his head as he measured me mentally. I felt odd, like I was going to be sold off or something. "I made something I think you'll enjoy. Your Tevinter friend gave me your design."

"My design?" I asked confused, following him to his table. There was bear fur and dark blue fabric there and I laughed out loud. Dorian, you sly bastard. "My design," I whispered.

There was a black tint to the armor and I grinned. This was perfect. Harritt held up the armor, holding the chest plate to me. It was almost perfect, just a little big. "You've toned up since I last made armor for you. It won't take long to adjust though. It'll be done by tonight. I'll have Dagna drop it off to your room when it is finished." He was testing other pieces on me, adjusting straps to get the best fit. "This armor will be easy to fight in and perform magic."

I saw the armor change color in the light to a silver, making it glow. I noticed the swirls on the fabric and I wondered if Dorian had Josephine buy that fabric from Orlais or if someone sewed it. I was going to look like a warrior queen. He took the arm piece off, putting it on the table before giving me a wide grin. "I'm actually pretty proud of this last piece." He bent over and grabbed something from under the table handing it to me. "I didn't think I would be able to do it, but it was a challenge I wanted to try."

I held the helmet, amazed at what I saw. He made a helmet to look like a dragon. Why a dragon? Did Dorian think I was…no…no. This wasn't Dorian. Iron Bull had help in making this, I just know it. I turned it to see it's other angles, always wanting something this badass. "This is the most beautiful and bad ass helmet I have ever seen." There was a hint of purple in the black metal and I put on the helmet with pride. It. Fit. Perfectly.

"I was hoping it fit nicely. Hard to get helmets sized different." Harritt had his hands on his hips in approval. "Alright then. Take your helmet and fabric and leave me to finish your armor. Like I said, I'll have Dagna here bring it to your room this evening."

I took the helmet off, wanting to jump in excitement. I grabbed the blue fabric, impressed with the light weight of it, before heading to the door. "Thank you so much Harritt! This is the best I have ever seen. Seriously!"

He acknowledged me with a thrust of his chin and I wrapped the helmet in the fabric, not wanting it to get hurt at all. Not until we leave tomorrow. I entered the main hall again, emerging into the clatter and chatter of Skyhold. I had a bounce in my step as I walked down the hall, heading toward the kitchen.

"Captain," Hawke called and I sighed silently, really only wanting food right now. I headed over to them, putting on a smile.

Hawke, Varric, and Anders were all sitting at a table, the usual ale in front of them. Their food smelled delicious, causing my stomach to growl again. "I was actually heading to get food," I told him, my mouth practically drooling.

"We saw you go into the smithy and grabbed you a plate for when you came back," Hawke informed me, pointing to the plate by him. I felt a rush of gratefulness toward Hawke, glad that the hangry Kassy hadn't kicked in yet.

"Bless you," I told him, sitting on the bench next to him. I set my fabric and helmet on the table near me, pulling my plate close. "I feel like I never get to eat lately." I picked up a chicken leg, never more grateful for Hawke. I took a bite, dancing in happiness. Varric laughed, his eyebrows raised in amusement, a leg frozen by his mouth.

"Are you dancing, Prophet?" He laughed. I nodded, wiggling my shoulders, swallowing my bite.

"I love food," I provided as an explanation. Anders and Hawke were also watching me in amusement and I grinned at them, slowly bringing the leg back to my mouth, feeling self-conscious. "What?"

"Oh, nothing," Anders told me, a smile on his face. "We are just fascinated with your ways and the bruise forming on your eye."

"Yes," Hawke confirmed. "Anders is right. Who did you piss off to earn that?"

I glanced between the three of them, slowly lowering the leg. "Dorian's book," I informed them. "Or the gods. So, should I expect to see myself in Varric's next book?"

Varric held up his glass, laughing. "You are a story in itself, Prophet."

I bit into my leg again, winking and doing another happy dance, the second bite even better than the first. Anders leaned over to talk with Varric and Hawke cleared his throat, his attention on me. "I was wondering if you could help me with something," Hawke began. I continued chewing, tilting my head, letting him know I was listening. "I have heard the songs you sing to Curly, and I was, well, I don't often do these things, but I was wondering if there was a song that you could do for me to Anders."

I swallowed quickly, smiling at him. "Of course, dude!" I told him, wiping my mouth with my hand. "What were you thinking?"

He leaned an arm on the table, his eyes squinted as he thought. "Something fun, but meaningful, but not too much. Maybe something not like you've done before."

I thought over his request, figuring what songs I know. What Hawke needed was some Justin Timberlake. I knew the perfect song! "Okay, I've got a perfect one, but I need your help. Can you do this?" I beatboxed, watching a huge smile come to Hawke's face. He smirked as he joined me catching on perfectly. I laughed in approval. "Ah, yeah! Perfect!"

He stopped and glanced at my plate. "Are you done, or do you plan on dancing more?"

I knew he was excited to do the song so I took another bite of chicken, planning on grabbing some fruit and bringing it back to my room later. I swallowed quickly, grabbing his ale to help wash it down. I pulled my lute onto my lap, standing up. "I'll give you a nod when you join in."

Hawke nodded, reaching over to hit Anders' arm. "If you two are done gossiping, Prophet was going to do a song for us." He stared pointedly at Anders. "For us," he repeated, getting his point across. Anders seemed to understand, giving a surprised grin.

"Did you want me to heal that first?" He asked me, Captain Purr peeking up from his lap. God, he did bring that cat everywhere. I didn't have time to answer as he cast a spell and he smiled in satisfaction. "Performance ready. Play on."

I felt the pain by my eye disappear and I touched it, glad that I didn't have to wait for the bruise to go away. I grinned and started playing the introduction to Mirrors, nodding at Hawke who started beatboxing. "Aren't you something to admire, 'cause your shine is something like a mirror, And I can't help but notice, you reflect in this heart of mine. If you ever feel alone and the glare makes me hard to find, just know that I'm always parallel on the other side," I sang, glancing between the two of them.

Varric was laughing hard at Hawke's beatboxing, Ander's shaking his head in amazement. Hawke's eyes glowed with fun and I wished I could bring him to my time where he would shine. We kept perfect time as the song continued, the hall quieting to listen to the odd music we were creating. Hawke was standing up, leaning his back against mine, feeling the music. "You're my reflection, all I see is you. My reflection, in everything I do. You're my reflection and all I see is you. My reflection, in everything I do. You are you are the love of my life," I finished the song, giving a sharp nod to Hawke to indicate it was done. Man, Hawke and I made a great team.

The room was silent and this was a first, surprising me. Alright then. So Skyhold isn't ready for JT. Got it.

"Fantastic! Superb! Totally amazing!" Zevran called, slowly clapping and soon many others joined in. I flashed a smile at Zevran and turned to Hawke who shrugged his shoulders, glancing over at Anders, who was grinning stupidly. "Kiss him already," I told him, sitting down, embarrassed that many were still staring at us. Hawke didn't need to be told twice, swiftly grabbing Anders by his shirt and bringing him in for a kiss, causing Captain Purr to go running.

That's when the hall erupted into more applause and I stared at everyone in surprise. Seriously? Hawke glanced around, a huge smirk on his face. He stepped away and held out his arms, clearly knowledgeable in how to take praise. Was there anything that people didn't love him for? I shot a look at Varric, who just shrugged, laughing and took a drink of his ale. I glanced back at Zevran, who had his arms crossed, nodding his head to indicate he wanted me.

I grabbed my helmet and fabric, saying a quick goodbye to Varric. The hall erupted into excited chatter as I walked toward the elf, his smile going sultry. Jesus. He was still doing this? I felt flattered, even though I knew he did this to everyone. "Where did you want to go? The war room or-."

Zevran shushed me and point his finger on my lips. "Say nothing further. All you had to do was ask. We shall return to your room, no?"

I moved his hand, shaking his head. "No," I told him with a laugh. "We can find the Inquisitor or an advisor if you'd like."

Zevran gave a flirty wiggle of his eyebrows. "The more the merrier I say," he teased. "I believe Leliana said she was going to a meeting. Shall we join?"

I sighed, shaking my head in amusement. "Lead the way," I told him. He took a couple steps to Josephine's office, opening the door.

Fadkfjadslfja;

"You think that will work?" Leliana asked, her hip against the war table, arms crossed.

"If it's done right," I told her, glancing over at Zevran who nodded in reply.

"How do you plan on keeping the empress and company occupied while I'm out, hunting for blackmail?" Branwen asked, leaning over the map and her blue eyes on me now.

"She entertains them with songs of course," Zevran replied before I could. He gestured to my lute, leaning against the wall. "She is a bard like Leliana, no? She will dazzle them with her music."

Branwen considered this, turning to the other people in the room. "Can they be dazzled with her music?"

Josephine took a moment to think it over, looking at me. "She can certainly entertain Skyhold, I see no reason why she couldn't the Winter Palace."

Leliana glanced over at Cullen with a twinkle in her eye. "What does our Commander think?"

Cullen seemed to be taken off guard, a hand automatically going to his neck. "I'm sure I wouldn't know what they find as entertainment in the Winter Palace."

"Aw, Commander," Zevran began, bumping Cullen's shoulder with his. "Surely you know what entertainment our dear Captain can provide."

Cullen flushed and glared at Zevran. Josephine and Leliana chuckled, while Branwen broadly smiled in amusement. "Yes. I am a woman of many talents," I said, taking the focus from the men. "But, yes, songs in particular. Last resort I dance or monologue."

"Monologue?" Branwen asked. She sat up, crossing her arms. "Go on, give us an example of monologuing."

I furrowed my eyebrows at her. "Seriously?" I asked her. "Right now?"

She nodded, mischief in her eyes. "You are a woman of many talents, right? You said so yourself."

I racked my brains, trying to remember the monologue I did in drama class back in high school. The words came quickly, and I was surprised that somehow this monologue was retained in my brain but my math skills left me completely. I put on my best elven voice, like Galadriel's in the movie. "The Ring came to the creature Gollum, who took it deep into the tunnels of the Misty Mountains. And there it consumed him. The ring brought to Gollum unnatural long life. For five hundred years it poisoned his mind, and in the gloom of Gollum's cave, it waited. Darkness crept back into the forests of the world. Rumor grew of a shadow in the East, whispers of a nameless fear, and the Ring of Power perceived its time had now come. It abandoned Gollum. But something happened then that the Ring did not intend. It was picked up by the most unlikely creature imaginable: a Hobbit, Bilbo Baggins, of the Shire. For the time will soon come when hobbits will shape the fortunes of all."

Everyone in the room stared at me with confusion and fascination. I felt my cheeks go a little red and cleared my throat. Branwen seemed genuinely surprised that I gave her that speech. "What exactly is a hobbit?" Zevran asked, being the first to break the silence.

"Like a small man," I told him. "Not a dwarf but, you know hobbit. Short. Hairy feet. Eats a lot. Hobbit."

"What you just described is a dwarf, am I right? Short, hairy, hungry? Am I right?" Zevran asked, genuinely wanting to know.

"No, you aren't," Cullen replied, turning to Zevran, arms crossed. "She clearly just said, not a dwarf. So no. You aren't right."

I focused on Branwen. "See, I'll have them all wondering. That's only if my music doesn't work though." I turned back to Zevran. "And they are like beardless little men, that eat all day and…never mind."

Leliana smiled in approval, hands going to hips. "I say it's worth a try, Inquisitor." She eyed me up and down. "The Captain has some odd tactics, but a good bard has to keep her enemies on her toes."

I suddenly remembered what a bard was really like in Thedas. "Yeah, I feel we all have a different interpretation of what a bard is."

"Shh," Leliana told me, her eyes silencing me. "You worry too much for how much talent you hide."

Was that supposed to be a compliment? I was pretty sure my face looked stupid as I stood trying to figure out that statement. "It's the only plan we have for distraction, Inquisitor," Cullen said, addressing Branwen. "We'll need a good one if you want to bring reinforcements quietly."

Branwen nodded in understanding. "Then it's settled." She turned to Josephine. "Josephine, write to our host, sharing that I bring a gift for them. Entertainment in thanks for the invitation."

"Right away, Inquisitor," Josephine answered, writing furiously on her board. I wondered if wax fell onto her paper a lot.

"Leliana. Make sure that there is a clear path for Zevran and the others to get through easily," Branwen directed.

"It is done, Inquisitor," Leliana replied with a nod. "No murder," Branwen ordered, getting a frown from Leliana.

"Cullen, I am going to need your best, just in case the ball takes a wrong turn," Branwen told him.

"As you wish, Inquisitor," Cullen assured her, a hand on his sword. I loved when he was in Commander mode. He glanced at me from the corner of his eye, giving me a smirk before returning to Commander Cullen again.

"Then the plan is set," Branwen informed us all. "We will gather in the morning. Get a good rest. I have a feeling we are going to need it."

We all gave her gestures of acknowledgement and we all made our separate ways. I was surprised that I was the first to head to the door, usually one of the last to leave. I threw my lute on my back, holding my helmet and fabric in my left arm.

Cullen followed closely behind me and I felt chills go down my body. Just being near him. He closed the door behind us, before I turned to him with a smile. "So, I have a-."

Cullen pushed me against the wall, his lips taking mine. I felt surprise through me before a shiver ran down my back. I kissed him back hard, loving that any moment, someone can walk through that door. He broke the kiss and I put a hand up to his hair. "I've wanted to do that since you walked into the room," he admitted, a hand going to the base of his neck. How could he get so nervous around me still? You would think we would get past that after being naked in front of each other.

"Sex on the war table," I told him, biting my lower lip. "Not going to lie, I've fantasized about it."

"Really?" He asked. "The war table?" His tone was huskier and I shrugged my shoulders, fighting off the embarrassment.

"Well, yeah," I replied. "After your desk of course, but everyone wants to see the Commander, so that one is a little harder than anticipated."

Cullen chuckled, leaning forward. "I'm free now," he muttered into my ear as he grabbed my earlobe with my teeth. Oh fuck!

"You have recruits to choose and I have a lesson with Solas," I said quietly, unable to think with his lips on me. "Not that we'd make it back to your office."

"Even better," he growled and I felt my heart beat quicken, my helmet starting to fall from my arms. The door started to open and Cullen sighed in frustration, quickly leaning a respectable distance from me. Branwen and Josephine walked out, their expressions telling us they knew what we were doing.

"Commander. Captain," Branwen said with a grin, trading amused glances with Josephine and laughing as she opened the door.

Cullen cleared his throat and I tucked some hair behind my ear. "Um, I have a lesson to get to," I told him, feeling awkward.

He nodded in understanding. "Will I, that is, do you plan on…Maker's breath," Cullen sighed a hand going to the bridge of his nose. "My room or yours?"

I snorted, not believing the interaction we are having. How was it so awkward with us all the time? "Yours," I told him with a smile. "Don't wait up though. I'm not sure how long Solas wants to keep me in the Fade."

He gave me his relieved smile, one of my favorites. "Until then," he told me, kissing me lightly. He began to walk away and I felt my chest fill with emotions.

"Cullen," I called after him. Cullen glanced back at me, his whiskey eyes brighter than I've seen them since I got here. "I love you."

His scar twitched and he broke into a toothy smile. "I love you too," he said in a low voice, sending tingles down my body. He continued to grin at me over his shoulder, causing me to fangirl inside, as he left the hall.

Ssdfgksjdg

"You must push past Nightmare," Solas instructed, the night air blowing on my face. He thought the fresh air would help focus me more than the distractions of his office. The garden was empty and the sound of chirping from the crickets filled my senses. "He will try to control what you see in the Fade, but you can push past him. You must."

I nodded, closing my eyes and taking a deep breath, focusing on entering the Fade. The world around me faded and I was able to get there faster than I ever did before. This scared me a little and Solas was soon there with me. "Very good, Captain. The previous use in the Fade has allowed your mind to travel faster."

Awesome, I told myself. I prepared myself for Nightmare to come at me, but he wasn't there. I glanced over at Solas. "I thought you said Nightmare would try to control me."

Solas' expression was almost like he was impressed. "It seems your will is stronger than I originally thought."

I felt oddly at peace here, not worried like I thought I would be. There was a sense of familiarity and rightness. This was…how can I even explain it? It just felt familiar and almost homey. Like a place of refuge. It was comfort but also a fear at the same time. Why was it so familiarly comforting here?

"What now?" I asked him, hands going to my hips. "Do I just do what I was doing when we first started practicing or?"

"Why don't we begin that way, yes." He looked ancient when he was here, like he owned the Fade. "Now that you are familiar with the Fade, you should be able to open it with your sight."

I glanced around, taking it in before focusing on my powers. "What if I create a rift? Shouldn't we have Branwen?"

"If you create one, we will get the Inquisitor," Solas informed me. "Now, exit the Fade and bring it to us."

I nodded, closing my eyes thinking of the garden. I felt a bit dizzy as I came back to myself, feeling the wind on my face again. I thought of the Fade, conjuring it in my mind. There was a spark of green in my mind, filling me like when I touched the rift back home. It buzzed before going out.

The headache that came with trying this power came and I put a hand to my head. Push past it. I touched the blood mark on my arm, creating it fresh before coming here. I didn't want Nightmare pain try to interfere with the lesson.

"Try again," I heard Solas instruct and I tried, feeling the pain increasing.

Not so easy without the power of the Fade, is it? Nightmare asked. You won't be able to do it. You were only able to do it when you are there. You were able to create a connection for me. I must say. I like it here. At first, I was upset, but now I know what you are capable of. It's thrilling. I know how to help you with the Fade. Blood magic.

"No," I responded quietly. "It's only for when I need it most. To help."

Isn't understanding your power helping? You won't be able to do it here. You're too weak. Only blood can help you. Nightmare hissed.

"Says you," I told him, determined to open a rift now. This was feeling very Gollum like. Was I going to start calling my powers, my precious?

I felt the tingling behind my eyes and I embraced it. Fight past Nightmare, I told myself. I fought the headache forming behind my eyes, determined to prove the demon wrong. There was pressure building and suddenly a spark flew out. I opened my eyes, seeing a flash of green, before it disappeared. Wait? Where was the rift?

Solas had his hands behind his back and he tilted his head, his grey eyes on me. "You weren't focused on the Fade," he observed. "Try again."

"I was focused," I argued quietly, closing my eyes, the headache making me grumpy.

Told you that you wouldn't be able to. Nightmare laughed. Try again though. I love watching you fail. That is all you do. Fail and bring trouble to everyone around you. Your magic brings trouble and so does your mouth. You will only bring heartache and pain to those you love and want to keep safe. You already started to do this. Why not keep going? I'm going to take you over anyhow. There is nothing that you can do to stop it. You invited me. You created this.

I felt the anger in me and the fear as I focused on the Fade, bringing the sensation that comes with creating the rift. There was the tingle again, but slightly more. I felt the building pressure, sure it was going to work. Focus on Fade, Kassy. Focus on Fade. I opened my eyes as I saw the green tinge on the back of my eyelids. Then there was a bright flash of green and I was certain that there was a rift. I felt frustration as I saw the blackness once the dots from the brightness cleared.

"Again," Solas told me and I felt the weakness of my body, but I didn't want Nightmare to be right. Push past him.

I tried again and again. Only able to produce a flash of green light, each one brighter than before, but no rift. The pain in my head became unbearable from the couple hours of practice and I felt myself become out of breath with the effort to push past it.

"I can't do it again," I said exhausted, my eyeballs feeling as if they might fall from my socket. "It hurts too much now."

Solas sat on the bench next to me, evaluating me. "You let him get to you," he stated. "You must push past him." He grabbed my arm and noted the blood mark. "And no blood magic used tomorrow. Learn to deal with the pain a different way."

I raised my eyebrows at him. "How did you know it was for the pain?"

"Protection symbol," he declared, pulling down my sleeve. "You can't protect yourself from the demon, but you can protect your mind from the pain. There is another way, pushing past him. Controlling him. Having more will."

"What about my other magic?" I asked him. "Can't he get that too?"

"Possibly," Solas noted. "But you have unique magic. Different than the magic here. Your power can be deadlier if used with the magic of this world. Be careful with binding it with blood magic. The Fade magic can be…unpredictable." I tried to digest what he was giving me, but my mind was processing slower than usual after the brain exercise. "You should get some rest Captain. We have a long journey facing us in the morning."

I nodded, silently getting up and leaving the garden, my legs feeling a bit weak. I was glad I left my things in my room before heading here, not wanting to carry more than my body weight to bed. I felt a little surer of my limb use as I began to walk, feeling zombie like as I made my way to Cullen's room, my hunger from earlier forgotten.

I opened Cullen's door, expecting him to be working like he does. The man never slept, except with me. There was no Cullen at his desk and I felt surprise until I heard the muttering from the loft. Nightmares. I headed up the ladder, his words faster. Where was he in his dream? He was yelling to save them, now. Who? I pushed my legs to go quicker and hurried to his bed.

Cullen was sweating and thrashing, his shirt soaked. I noticed his boots were still on and figured he must have passed out, exhausted from little sleep. I put a hand on his chest, the other stroking his hair. "Cullen," I said softly, trying to wake him. "Wake up. It's only a dream."

He muttered again, his eyes rolling under his closed lids. I felt him twitch as his eyelid fluttered open, confusion and fear in his eyes. "Stop them," he whispered as he slowly came out of his sleep.

"It's just a dream," I repeated, putting my hand on his cheek. His eyes went to mine, confused at what was happening. "You're okay, Cullen," I told him.

"You were there," he told me, sitting up, his voice cold. His eyes narrowed on me. "You used your blood magic to help them."

I reached out a hand to him. "I wasn't there, Cullen," I assured him. He backed away from my hand, his eyes haunted.

"You called them. You led them," he told me, his voice going Commander, his posture changing. "You promised me. You wouldn't become corrupt."

I stared at him in total confusion. "I'm not. I haven't." I quickly grabbed his hand. "I wasn't there. It was just a dream. I wasn't there, love. I wasn't there."

Cullen stared at our hands, his slowly taking mine. "You…you…," he muttered. He put a hand in his hair, his eyes darting around the room. "I tried to stop you. You led them."

I knew the PTSD was hitting him hard right now and I couldn't believe I was associated with it now. I hesitated, not sure if he wanted me to be here after the dream, but I had to help him. I heard his breathing speed up again and I did the first thing that came to mind, sing. "Hold me close and hold me fast. This magic spell you cast. This is la vie en rose. When you kiss-."

Cullen pulled me to him, his grip tight. His arms were flexed as he held me to him and I wrapped my own around him. "Stay with me?" He whispered into my hair, kissing it. I nodded into his chest, leaning a bit away to look at him.

"I love you, Lion," I told him, feeling extremely cheesy. Cullen pulled me to him kissing me hard and fast before putting his hand on my face, cupping my cheek. We laid down and I rested my head on his chest. His arm held me to him tightly as I threw an arm around his waist. I felt his breathing slowly even out as he drifted back into sleep and soon I was left with my own thoughts.

You caused his dream. You created a villain: yourself. You can't fix that. You are that. You are the one that haunt his nightmares. Your blood magic taints everything around you. You are selfish. I told you that you would only hurt everyone around you. Congratulations on ruining the Commander first. Nightmare told me.

I ignored him, choosing not to respond. I felt myself believing him for a second, slowly slipping into his trap. No. No. Don't do it. Ignore it. I knew that sleep wasn't going to happen tonight, fearing the nightmares that will happen.

Maker's breath. This is going to be a long journey. I could tell.