Maker's Breath

by mythicalbard

Kassy was just an ordinary gamer, who was obsessed with Dragon Age, Dragon Age Inquisition to be exact. She never expected to be apart of that world, except through her cosplay group. When she was transported to Thedas, she realizes all the characters were real. Now she has to find a way home, try to fit in with this world, and catch the commander's eye. Slow burning romance.

21. Chapter 21

I do not own any characters. They all belong to chantry loving Bioware. Shout out to my beta reader Eruya. Loving the song suggestions, reviews, follows, and favorites! You guys are amazing! Hope you enjoy this chapter! Rated M for language and lemons.

Chapter 21

Glancing at the door, I wondered if everything was alright. They had been gone for quite some time now, worrying me. Did it always take this long to close a rift? Maker, I never realized how impatient I was until that woman came into my life. That was a lie. I knew I was impatient, I just was never anxious. That was a new level of impatient for me. I liked tasks to get done in an organized and efficient manner. I rolled my shoulders, trying to get more comfortable in this jacket. What in Andraste's name was a Nutcracker Prince, and where was he prince of?

A smile crept onto my face and I realized I was always asking these questions to myself. So uncool as she would say to me. The mask on my face was making me warm, and I wished I could rip it off and dismiss myself from the whole event. I had a task to complete, so I would pretend to acknowledge the women around me, while praying to Andraste I see her walk through the door soon.

"You seem distracted, Commander. Perhaps a dance will take your mind off it? Hmm?" A woman asked of me and I gave a small polite smile.

"No, thank you. Not at present," I informed her. King Alistair came by gaining the notice of my admirers, as Kassy called them. I followed him with my eyes as he had a very large smile on his face. How could he keep going like this? Wasn't this exhausting him? The fact that he hadn't refused a dance all night, made me admire him. He was doing his part of the entertaining perfectly. Even the dance he shared with Kassy. There was no denying that it would be the talk of ball for the rest of the evening. I already had to have several conversations about how King Alistair danced those "unique" movements, or how Kassy was "just looking for attention." I knew they meant the ladder in a negative way, but it was the truth. She was trying to gain attention, and knew that it would probably gain her that sort of attention.

I wished that I could glance over at the empty piano and see her in that blue gown, playing with her easy-going smile. The smile that made me mistrust her at first because of how quick it came to her. Kassy had many smiles and I was slowly learning what they meant. I saw a flash of blue fabric, and my breath caught for a moment, before realizing it was only the coat of an Orlais nobleman. I reached into my coat pocket, my fingers brushing on the orb she gave me.

There was movement from the doorway to the ballroom to my right, and my eyes strayed to that, feeling absolute relief as the Inquisitor came walking through the door. She was covered in blood and her bow was on her back. I broke away from the women around me, my mind wondering what exactly happened at the damn rift. Approaching the Inquisitor, I noticed that all of our companions were with her. Shouldn't she have come to talk to me so I could ready the troops?

There was no smile on her face as she walked straight over to where Gaspard and Briala stood with Florianne, in front of all the guests. My eyes wandered over the group that followed her in and I felt a panic slowly build when I couldn't catch the blue of a dress. Where was she? Attention was focused on the Inquisitor as she gave a fierce stance, the blood still splattered on her face and white hair. Where was Kassy?

I made my way through the crowd that gathered, trying to get closer to the Inquisitor. I felt a hand on my arm and Leliana gave me a warning glance, reminding me there was a reason to us coming to this wretched ball in the first place. Maybe Kassy was finishing some other task for the Inquisitor. Maybe she was in the other room yet. Maybe she was in the crowd and I just missed her. Letting my mind quiet for a minute, I focused on the Inquisitor and the interaction happening. As Kassy would say, my Commander mode was coming into play. There wasn't any time to strike before the Empress gave her speech. What did the Inquisitor have in mind?

"We owe the court one more show, your grace," Branwen stated loudly, her voice echoing through the ballroom. The room quieted as their focus went to the Inquisitor.

"Inquisitor," Florianne replied, her posture demure. I wondered what exactly the Inquisitor had in mind. I noticed Hawke conversing quietly with Varric, before Varric held Hawke's arm, holding him in place. What was going on there? The others seemed off as well. There was something more than just the conversation between the Inquisitor and Florianne happening.

"The eyes of every noble in the empire are upon us, your grace. Remember to smile," the Inquisitor told Florianne, shooting her a smile of her own. She began walking up the stairs to approach the Duchess. The Duchess seemed nervous about what was happening. It was a good thing Kassy warned us ahead of time, what was happening. Where was she? I scanned the crowd yet again.

"This is your party. I wouldn't want them to think you had lost control," the Inquisitor said, as Florianne slowly backed up. Why did it surprise Florianne to see the Inquisitor alive? Hadn't she heard any of the tales about the Inquisition and the challenges we have faced? It would take more than a rift to stop us.

Florianne continued to back up, her smile sheepish. "Who would not be delighted to speak with you, Inquisitor?"

Branwen gave a smug smile, her hands very animated. "I seem to recall you saying, 'All I needed was to keep you out of the ballroom long enough to strike'." The Inquisitors eyes went deadly and she slowly walked around the duchess, a hand clenched in a fist. "When your archers failed to kill me in the garden, I feared you wouldn't save me this last dance." Celene held her posture, but she looked down at the conversation in interest. "It's so easy to lose your good graces. You even framed your brother for the murder of a council emissary."

Did Kassy know all that? She did inform the Inquisition that Florianne was the assassin, but did she know everything that the Inquisitor was accusing Florianne of? Gaspard went to stand next to the Inquisitor, his stance becoming stiff. The Duke was angry, that was clear. Based on the clenched fist, so was the Inquisitor, though her voice didn't show it. "It was an ambitious plan," the Inquistor continued. "Celene, Gaspard, the entire council of Heralds…all your enemies under one roof." The Inquisitor gestured to the ballroom, while Florianne shook in nervousness. Damn right she should be nervous.

"This is very entertaining, but you do not imagine that anyone believes your wild stories?" The Duchess asked, backing up the marble of the wall. The Inquisitor glared at Florianne, glancing up at Celene. "What say you Empress?" The Inquisitor inquired.

"That will be a matter for a judge to decide, cousin." Celene focused on Florianne, her face hard and calculating. Florianne quickly turned to her brother. I hoped her brother wasn't foolish enough to not believe the Inquisitor.

"Gaspard? You cannot believe this! You know I would never…," The Duchess begged of the Duke. Gaspard just shook his head and turned to walk up the stairs with Briala, never saying a word. Good man. Keep walking. "Gaspard?" Florianne repeated. Orlesian guards were walking toward the Duchess and the Inquisitor stood with her hands by her sides, face stern, and posture intimidating. The leader the Inquisition needed. Florianne walked backward with her hands up, glancing over at the Inquisitor.

The Inquisitor glared at Florianne, her face cold. "You lost this fight ages ago, your grace. You're just the last to find out." The guards grabbed Florianne's arms bringing her to the Inquisitor. "This time, justice will be swift." She held out her hand and the Iron Bull came forward, handing her a sword. She stared at the sword before glaring at Florianne, whispering something only those nearby could hear, before stabbing her. That was not part of the plan. She must have had a good reason to execute her so publicly and without judgement. I guess her judgement was the only judgement the Inquisition wanted anyhow, but still.

"Your Imperial Majesty, I think we should speak in private," the Inquisitor told Celene, heading toward the stairs. Celene bowed her head in agreement, heading for the balcony behind her, Briala and Gaspard following. I watched as the Inquisitor started to come toward Leliana and I. I glanced around, hoping to catch sight of Kassy, starting to worry. The Inquisitor stopped by us, speaking in a low voice. "I will negotiate with the Empress and the other two. Give me a few minutes. After, I need to speak with you Cullen." Her face was grave, and I knew what that meant.

"Of course, Inquisitor," Leliana told her, while I stood in silence, trying to figure out what she would say. Leliana gave me a pointed stare and I cleared my throat, remembering who I was and who I was standing in front of.

"Inquisitor," I told her with a slight nod, watching her walk onto the balcony. I started to walk away but Leliana grabbed my arm again. "Leliana, let go," I warned in a low voice.

"Commander. Wait for the Inquisitor," she told me. "You are the Commander right now. I'm sure we will find out where the Captain is as soon as the meeting between the nobles is finished."

I gave her a surprised look. "You noticed?" Leliana nodded and her eyes wandered the room. I did the same, begging the Maker to send me a sign of her. I studied the company that went with the Inquisitor, noticing their behavior. The Tevinter, Dorian, had his arms crossed, and was staring around the ballroom with a frown. Hawke was arguing with Varric and Anders, their conversation heated. Zevran stepped in to say something as well, to Hawke, who shrugged him off before brooding and crossing his arms. Solas was staring at me with expectation. What? Why was he doing that? There was always something about that elf that made me feel uncomfortable.

I averted his eyes and focused on the balcony, wanting more than anything, for the conversation between the three nobles to end swiftly. Leliana noticed my mood and she cleared her throat. "Not long I expect," she told me, probably thinking it would be a comfort to know this. I nodded, knowing she understood if I stayed silent. Josephine joined us, her face confused.

"Seems like the Captain was right," she began, her hands folding in front of her. "We will have to make sure to congratulate her for the plan going so effortlessly, even with the surprises that arose." Her eyes went from me to Leliana. Leliana glanced at me and licked her lips before smiling at Josephine.

"I am glad it went so smoothly as well, Josie. The Captain knew her information well. She would be a great agent if she wished to be one. However, it was the Inquisitor that executed the plan. We should be glad that she was able to follow the plan so efficiently." She gave Josephine another smile and led her toward the railing, overlooking the ballroom. "How did your sister enjoy the ball?"

I ignored their conversation, grateful that Leliana was kind enough to talk idle chatter to pass the time. I kept my stance, staring at the balcony, almost sighing out loud in relief when the Empress led the three out of the balcony. I stared at the back of her as she approached the railing, her presence creating silence in the hall.

"Lords and ladies of the court, we are pleased to announce that an accord has been reached. Our cousin Gaspard will now hold a place of honor in our cabinet." She gestured to the Duke and the Inquisitor went to stand next to the two of them. Whispers and murmurs took over the court and I had to hold back rolling my eyes.

Gaspard stepped forward, his mask ridiculous to me. You couldn't even see his mouth moving. Not that it truly mattered. Where was Kassy? "Friends, we assembled are the leaders of the Empire. We must set the example for all Thedas. We cannot be at war with each other while the Fade itself challenges our borders."

Celene leaned on the railing, her presence more demanding. "We must stand united, or surely we will fall alone."

The Inquisitor stepped forward, her voice ringing out through the ballroom. "We will save Thedas from calamity, but only together may we accomplish this."

Celene nodded, glancing at the Inquisitor and back at the crowd. "We will heal our wounded country. A long road of reconstruction lies before us." She stopped and looked at Gaspard and the Inquisitor, smiling at her people. "But tonight, we celebrate the arrival of peace. Let the festivities commence!"

The crowd cheered and the Inquisitor spoke quietly to Celene before coming to address me. I stood tall, waiting for her to tell me her news. Please be that Kassy is just waiting outside for us. Or she has a small injury and is getting healed. Maker, let it be anything but what I fear.

"Commander," she began, nodding toward the corner where it was more private. I glanced back at Leliana and Josephine who were purposefully ignoring the interaction. I followed, feeling the darkness from the Inquisitor in every step. She turned to me slowly, and I felt my heart stop. I kept my face emotionless, not ready to hear her words. "Cullen," she said softly and I shook my head.

"Last time you said that in that exact tone, you were handing me her necklace," I said roughly. Her pale eyes went sad and I ran a hand through my hair, glancing anywhere then at her as she held out her hand to me. I took a deep breath, glancing at what she offered and my breath left me. All thoughts left me. I couldn't process what I saw in her palm. That wasn't the coin I gave her. It wasn't. This wasn't happening. I felt myself grow angry. I took the coin from her, creating a fist. "What happened?"

"Kassy was injured and Nightmare took over. He used blood magic to create a bigger rift, and she jumped through it. She didn't want him to stay here. To take over again. She gave me this, told me to seal the rift and finish the mission." Branwen licked her lips, her voice cracking. "I'm so sorry, Cullen. I wish this was different news."

Then her words sank in. Kassy? Gone? Kassy…Ka…No! That's…that's impossible. This had to be a joke. This had to be! She couldn't be gone…she couldn't….she couldn't be….no. She promised. She promised me that she would come back! We stood there, together in that corner, and she promised that she would come back to me. She always kept her promises. She's going to jump around a corner at any moment. Yes, this was a joke! She loved jokes. This was just a very intricate joke. "You're part of the joke? Right?" My voice was more of a plea and I hated that. Hated that this situation happened. She was supposed to be okay. She promised. I searched behind Branwen, waiting for the surprise.

"Cullen," The Inquisitor informed me and she took a deep breath, shaking her head. She set a hand on my arm. "Why don't you head back Commander. I'll probably be following along shortly."

Typically, I would tell her that I had to escort her back, but right now I needed to find Kassy. I needed someone to tell me exactly what happened. Every detail. I needed this joke to be over. Who would have gone along with her joke? I crept into myself, keeping my face straight, as I pulled off my mask and headed down the stairs, going directly toward the person that would be her partner in crime.

"Hawke," I stated, my tone more like a growl. Hawke's eyes met mine, and he gave a nod in understanding, following me to the exit.

"Curly, I don't think that's the best-." Varric began and I felt anger erupt in me. I turned on him, silencing him.

"Join if you wish dwarf," I told him, needing to know what happened. I turned again, continuing to walk, not caring if he stayed or came. The gardens to the palace were empty and Hawke for once, didn't have any smart remarks to say. I paced the path around the garden, not sure where to start or if I wanted to hear what happened. Where was Kassy? What happened that made her disappear? What happens now?

Hawke sat in silence on the edge of the fountain, watching as I paced. This feeling was far worse than any I could have imagined. I wanted to yell, punch, do anything but pace a palace garden. "What happened in there Hawke?" I met his eyes, mine turning into more of a glare. "Every detail."

Hawke rested his arm on his knee, keeping eye contact. He wasn't afraid of me, but he knew my temper well. "That woman was there, telling us how she was working with Corypheus. After spewing on about how great of a god Corypheus would be, she had the archers shoot at the Inquisitor, wanting her dead. Kassy pushed Branwen out of harm's way, taking the arrow herself. A rift opened and we were all so busy fighting, we didn't have time to check her wound. She was fighting though, so I assumed she was fine and it wasn't very bad." He glanced down at the stone, his hands fidgeting now. "She went to kill a terror that spawned up behind Branwen. Branwen didn't know it was there, so Kassy went to fight it before it hurt the Inquisitor at all." He licked his lips, glancing back up at me. "It stabbed her in the chest at the same time she stabbed it. She couldn't avoid it. It respawned perfectly to strike. That's when Anders and I heard the Inquisitor's call to help heal." He shook his head. "Nightmare took over her will and used her body. He must have figured out how to use her magic, and with the massive wound she had, he was able to pull blood magic to defeat me and Justice."

I stopped pacing and crossed my arms. "Wait, Justice came out? I thought you said he had it under control. That there was no way that Justice would be at Skyhold."

Hawke shrugged and gave me a smirk. "We aren't at Skyhold, Curly."

Faster than he anticipated, I grabbed the front of his armor pulling him up. "Do you think this is funny?" The smirk left Hawke's face and he shook his head.

"Sorry, Curly. Not at all." I let him go, letting out a frustrated sigh. "As far as I know, she was able to overtake him, but he fought hard, so she couldn't for long. She jumped through the portal, not wanting any more damage to come to us than Nightmare already made." He ran a hand over his face, shaking his head. "She won't last long if Nightmare takes over her body. She is strong, granted, but I was in the Fade with Nightmare. I saw the beast. He wants his body back and he will do whatever it takes to get it. He's a very powerful demon, Curly."

I stared at him in disbelief. So, the Inquisitor was right? Kassy was gone. She really is….gone? I ran my hand through my hair and started pacing again. She's gone. She wasn't here. I wasn't going to see her face smiling at me as she came down the stairs, thinking she was funny for making me worry. If she went through the portal into the Fade…well…no one comes back from the Fade. Nobody. Nobody except the Inquisitor and…Kassy! She did it! She got back from the Fade.

"I'll find her," I said out loud. Maker's breath…Kassy had to be alive. I wouldn't believe anything otherwise. I'd find a way to locate her. I had to. I needed her. I…she was…my everything. I never felt a need stronger than this to succeed in a task. I had to start making plans to find her. She was a light in my quickly darkening world. I was pulled back and able to fight my nightmares.

"Cullen, she isn't-." Hawke began and I glared at him, silencing him.

"She was able to get out of the Fade once. She can come back again," I argued, needing to get back to my tent to start a plan. "That's even if she is in the Fade."

"But Nightmare," Hawke countered. "He's going to kill her Cullen. That's how these demons work."

"She is Captain King and she is strong. She was half dead last time she came from the Fade and she beat him. If someone can beat Nightmare, it's her. And when she defeats him, she will need help." Quickly, I headed toward the gates, going to grab my horse and ride back to camp to begin planning. I heard footsteps behind me and I quickly glanced over my shoulder seeing Hawke still following. "I have work to do, Hawke. Go back to Anders and talk about cats."

"He'll understand," Hawke told me and I stopped before going to the Inquisition steads.

"What do you think I'm doing?" I asked him, raising an eyebrow at him. "I'm making plans to find Kassy. Not gathering patrols to start searching for her…yet."

Hawke pushed past me and strode through the steads finding his. "I know you think you have a primal claim to anything you touch, blood mages and lost templars included, but you aren't the only one upset about this." He swung himself into his saddle. "She was a very good friend to me. I had a connection with her that…well…equals Varric. So, get on your damn horse, head back to camp, and start figuring out how to get her back before I start trekking all over Thedas."

I grabbed my own horse, smoothly getting into the saddle. Once again, I was stuck with working with Hawke to figure out a plan. Not that he followed them in Kirkwall.

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This was impossible. There was no way to know where she could be without any sort of hints. Why was she so stubborn? Why did she have to be so heroic? How was jumping through a portal going to be any better for her than staying here where people could help her if she was possessed? I didn't know if what she did was just stupid or heroic.

I slammed my fist on the map and let out a mix of a frustrated yell and sob. My head hung over the map and I took a deep breath. Come on, Cullen. You are the Commander. I opened my eyes and looked up, feeling the pain hit harder than before as I saw her lute and sword in the corner. Slowly, I walked around my desk, knowing that this was a bad idea. That I should set her things in her own room. I couldn't bear to do it though. I glanced down at my feet and saw her bag. Inside were her drawings of people I have never seen before. Her family. It had to be. I crouched down and opened her bag, pulling out the drawings.

I studied them once again, a daily ritual. Ninety-six days and still no idea where she was. We sent out scouts every day, hoping to survey all of Thedas. It was good thing that the Inquisition was making connections, or this would be an even longer task. Every day she was gone from me, a little hope dies with it. I sat at my desk, holding a drawing in my hand. I was guessing this was her brother, the resemblance uncanny. Did others think the same thought when Mia and I were seen together?

Returning the pictures to her bag, I let out a huge sigh. Zevran's latest report was sitting on top of a book and I reached for it, knowing what it said already. "Commander, sorry but there is still no trace of her." It was the same reply every report. As I scanned the report, I wasn't disappointed. Placing another x on the map, I opened the drawer to my desk, glancing at the map to see where I was going to send him next.

A corner of parchment with some markings caught my attention. I moved the blank parchment aside, feeling confused at what was on this parchment. Did I write something and thought I would finish it later? Pulling out the parchment in question, I felt an ache in my chest, the worst pain I have felt. Worse than my withdrawals. Worse than the nightmares. My heart must have literally been ripped from my chest and shattered because that is what it felt like it.

When did she have time to draw this? I shook my head as I stared at the parchment. It was a drawing of her song she sang to me after our kiss on the stairs. Something about how everyone talks and she could be my addiction. Little did she know that was true. I smiled softly at how she drew her playing the lute, glancing over at me talking to a blurred vision. The only two people that weren't blurry was us. It felt that way that night.

The ache in my chest heightened and I hated that everyday still hurt this much. I hated that every day I was losing a little hope. The hardest part of losing someone, isn't saying goodbye. It's trying to figure out how to keep the heartache away. How to keep my mind occupied so that I didn't think about where she was or how things used to be. Reminding myself that she doesn't sleep in her room anymore. How I won't hear her voice and the sound of her lute when she sang late at night when she thought no one could hear. The hardest part now was seeing her still, but in ghost form.

Even if she wasn't with me anymore, I was always replaying old memories. The night when I saw her clothing fall from my room. The way she would sit in my office, drawing while I worked on reports. In the training yard, I saw her swinging away at a practice dummy, trying to murder the wood. I was always going to be in love with her. And every day, each time I see her, I wonder, is it really you? Then the apparition disappeared and I realized I was only dreaming. Maker's breath, Kassy. Come back to me.

I set the drawing on the desk and leaned into my hand. The door to the office opened and closed just as fast. I sighed, knowing who it was. "Cassandra," I acknowledged, feeling a sting when I said it. This was getting ridiculous.

"Cullen," she replied. I pushed myself away from the desk, glancing up at her. Her stance was the same as usual. Hostile and as if I was wasting her time. She meant well. "You look horrible."

I let the insult roll off me, standing up. "Did you find anything more about Samson?"

"The Captain was right with what she reported to you," she informed me. There was that pang again. "Cullen, I am surprised you didn't go with the Inquisitor yourself on this mission."

I shrugged my shoulders and crossed my arms across my chest. "Did you get a piece of the armor?" I questioned, purposely avoiding her question.

Cassandra rolled her eyes at me, crossing her arms as well. "I gave it to Dagna, per the Inquisitor's request." I nodded in approval, glancing back at my map. "Not that I'm not impressed with your manhunt, I'm sure your years in Kirkwall really helped, but I think it's time to admit defeat."

I glared at her. "No," I stated. "Never." I felt anger flare in me and I kept it in my chest, refusing to let it rage. It was too easy to let it go lately. I pictured Kassy singing those words as she battled Dorian with her ice magic. All her songs. They were all still here with me.

She sighed and nodded, leaning on her right leg. "I thought you would say that." Cassandra studied me, her eyes mainly on my face. I knew I hadn't shaved in a week, and I was getting less sleep than usual. "The Inquisitor sent me to have you come to the War Room for a meeting. King Alistair has graced us with his presence."

I raised an eyebrow. "King Alistair is here?" I asked. "Why didn't I receive a report?"

Cassandra gave a smug smile. "There was one, Commander." How did I not remember that the king of Fereldan was coming to Skyhold? "Let's get to the meeting," she told me, shaking her head. I put the drawing back in the drawer and closed it. Taking a deep breath, I gathered myself, following Cassandra across the ramparts and to the war room. As we walked, there were looks of pity directed to me. I felt annoyed with this, and pretended I didn't notice them.

The relief of Josephine's office hit me and I relished in the emptiness of this room. Cassandra glanced back at me and I followed her. Opening the door to the hall the connected to the War Room, Cassandra paused. "The last thing you need is pity, I know. However, that's all you will be getting in that War Room. Did you want a moment before we went in?"

I rolled my eyes, walking past her. "I appreciate the offer, Seeker, but it's alright." I opened the door and made my way through it. The room was full of the Inner Circle and in the corner, King Alistair. Walking in, I headed straight to the war table, where the Inquisitor stood, glancing at the map.

"Cullen," Branwen greeted me. "Thank you for coming. King Alistair is here to discuss patrols in Fereldan." She straightened and glanced at me, focusing all her attention. "Anything new to report on Kassy?"

Ninety-six days. Over three months of not seeing her. Almost thirteen weeks of her loss. "No," I told her. "No good news."

She exchanged glances with Leliana and closed her eyes, before opening them slowly. "I have something that needs to be announced. To everyone," she informed us and gestured for us to join the others. Curious, I went and leaned against the wall by Dorian. His eyes briefly glanced at me before focusing on Branwen. "All of you must be wondering why I called you here today." She took a deep breath, looking at each one of us individually. "Well, it isn't just for King Alistair. I have come to a decision after a lot of thought. I'm calling off the search for Captain King."

Call off the search? Call off the fucking search? I felt the built-up anger in my chest, erupt and there was no way to hold it back. "What?" I snapped. I crossed my arms and glared at her, using my height as an advantage to intimidate. "Inquisitor, you think that-."

Branwen's look of pity made me even more frustrated as she took a step toward me. "Commander," she began, interrupting me. I shrugged my shoulders, ready to argue. "I know you two were together. It's been three months though. Cullen, we have searched almost all of Thedas, without even a hint of her whereabouts. It was her choice to go through the rift. I know it's difficult, but we have done everything the Inquisition possibly could. She left us, and if she wanted us to find her, she would have sent us a message."

Hawke stepped forward, his brow furrowed, anger evident. "So, we are just giving up?"

"It was her choice. We have done everything we could," the Inquisitor told us, frowning and taking a deep breath. "This was a very hard decision. Kassy was a good friend to me and great advisor. I didn't make this decision lightly. I have used all my resources. The Inquisition has other areas to focus on. If we get word of her where about at all, then we will readdress the situation." She swallowed hard and looked up at me, with soft eyes. "I fear that our friend truly left us. More than likely physically. It's time we say goodbye."

"Dead?" Dorian asked in complete disgust. "You think she's dead?" I felt my heart stop beating in my chest at those words. I was too afraid to admit it, but after all these days, the possibility was becoming more and more real.

"Blood. So much blood. The darkness that filled her eyes as Nightmare took over. The green. Was it the Fade or the rift's reflection? How could she even make it? If Nightmare took over, she is dead. Her body is his until he finds a new vessel. When he does, hers will be too broken to survive," an eerie voice said softly.

Everyone turned to look at Cole, his face shadowed from his oversized hat. Why did he like that hat so much? His words haunted me and I studied the faces, seeing which thoughts he was thinking. Hawke was first to speak, the rest of us still processing his words. "Anders," he whispered. "Is that what you or Justice thinks?"

"Both," Cole replied, glancing at Anders. Her eyes were green? No. They were blue, sometimes grey, but never green. Did they change there? What happened?

"I know how it is when you have a spirit in you," Anders explained, his eyes on Hawke. "If she is in the Fade, there is only so much we can do. I doubt she is still alive if she made it to the Fade. As far as this world, she might not want to be found. I didn't. Didn't someone say she fell from another world to Thedas from a rift? What if she fell to another one?"

The possibility of her not wanting to be found or in another world, never phased me. Why wouldn't she want to be found? How could I find her if she fell back to her world? Wherever that was. Why would she be dead in the Fade? No. Kassy was a warrior. Captain King would go down with a fight to the very end, giving Nightmare hell every step along the way. I reached up to grab her necklace that hung around my neck. Her luck was here. She left it. She needed it. Kassy, come back.

"I've sent anyone I could scouting. All the reports are the same," Leliana informed the group. "I fear the same as the rest, though I do not like admitting it."

"Surely, you all do not think she is dead?" Josephine asked. "Is that what you are declaring, Inquisitor?"

Branwen closed her eyes, a hand going to cover them for a moment before wiping her face. "Yes, Josephine. I believe that our friend is no longer with us."

The last dwindle of hope I had for Kassy's return, vanished as the arguments hit me. How could she be alive, even if she was here? We searched almost all of Thedas and nothing. How? She wouldn't hide this long from us. She would try to send word to me that she was alright. Wouldn't she? Of course, she would.

"I'll miss having her around to plan pranks with," Sera stated and for the first time, I noticed genuine emotion. She seemed to get tears in her eyes. "Mostly her songs, yeah?"

I had to leave. Now, before they all started giving their fondest memories. "Excuse me," I told the Inquisitor. I didn't wait for my leave, hurrying out the doors and heading straight to my office. Many jumped out of my way, knowing that I wasn't one to be toyed with lately.

I slammed the door to my office shut, running my hands through my hair before falling to my knees with quivering lips. Gone. I refused to believe it, but their words made sense. I felt the tears and felt unembarrassed by them. Glancing at her lute, I slowly stood up and strummed the strings lightly, my chest tightening.

I heard her voice in my head. That voice that seemed to hypnotize me every time she sang. None of her songs the same, except for a few that she sang for comfort. I loved listening to her voice late at night when she thought the world was asleep and it was just her and the mountains. She loved those mountains.

Heading to my desk, I grabbed the drawing she drew from the drawer, placing it on my desk. Leaning on my hands, I admired it, wishing that I had memorized her face more. Told her how perfect she was more. How much I loved her more. I wished that I had known that the last time I held her, was the last time. The last kiss. The last goodbye. "I'll see you soon, Lion." Those were her last words to me. How false they were. I never saw her again.

I fell into my chair again, knowing I would be going down to the tavern and drinking tonight. My night of grieving, then I would have to be a Commander again. My one night off. What would she do if she were here? What would she say? I knew instantly what she would do. Putting my head in my hands, I leaned on my knees taking a deep breath, feeling the anger and sadness building up.

"Hold me close and hold me fast. This magic spell you cast. This is la vie en rose. When you kissed me heaven sighed. And though you said goodbye, I feel la vie en rose. I still keep you in my heart, you're in a world apart. A world where roses bloom. And when you spoke, angels sang from above. Everyday words, seemed to turn into love songs. You gave your heart and soul to me, now my life will always be... la vie en rose." I felt a little ridiculous as I sang, and I was surprised I knew the words and how easily I changed them. She was right, singing was an emotional thing, especially when it was about something that was close to you. I felt the sobs then and I tried to stop them, but they came. "Kassy," I whispered.

"I'm truly sorry for your loss," a voice said and I glanced over, annoyed to be intruded on. King Alistair stood at the door to my office and I quickly stood, wiping off my face.

"King Alistair," I told him, wondering what he needed. I glanced down at my map, not wanting to focus on the Inquisition, but knew that the world wouldn't rest because it lost one person, no matter how important she is…was…to me. "How can I help you?"

King Alistair glanced down at his boots before resting on me, his eyes full of pity. Great. Even from the King of Fereldan, I am getting pity. "Alistair," he told me. "Come on. We're getting you drunk."

I stared at him in disbelief, crossing my arms. "You want to get me drunk?"

King Alistair….Alistair...nodded, no joking on his face. "Commander…er….can I call you Cullen?" I nodded and he gave a brief smile. "Cullen. I have been through what you are going through. I lost my life during the Blight. Rowan was the most amazing woman I have ever met. Maker's breath she was beautiful." He ran a hand in his hair and put them on his waist. "I'll admit, it doesn't get easier. Losing the love of your life…well, that is a pain that will never go away. However, there are some nights. Nights when you see another in need who is going through what I have, when you take them out and get drunk."

He had tears in his eyes now and I knew he truly understood. Glancing up at me, his eyes were those of a broken man. A man that has had to pick up the pieces of his life, but there was still that one piece missing that made it complete. The piece that somehow made everything make sense. "Kassy. She um, she sang to me the night before the ball." Alistair looked over at the lute. "She understood my pain. How it felt during that time of the Blight. She knew about Rowan."

That sounded like her. Her need to help people through music. Let them know they weren't alone. She was good at that. She shined when she sang. I felt the tears again and swallowed hard, rubbing the back of my neck. "The way you two stared at one another during that meeting and then the ball. I had that once too. So, Cullen. Come have a drink with me."

I cleared my throat, nodding to him, not trusting what would happen if I opened my mouth. Alistair led the way out of my office, looking back at me. I followed him, hoping that he was right and the drinking would help.

The tavern was rather full when we got there, and I never understood why it has always been so full the past few months. She wasn't here to gather them in with her music. Why did they come? There was booming laughter from the corner and I saw Iron Bull with Dorian. They were talking animatedly, and I wasn't surprised at the fact that Varric, Hawke, and Anders were with them. Wait, was that Black Wall? And Sera? I almost didn't recognize Cole, but he was there as well. Cassandra was making her way with a couple drinks. Cassandra? In the tavern?

Alistair led them to that table, glancing over at me. When he said we, he meant every one? I followed without a word, hoping to just have a drink, and get going. This can only be painful. The table went quiet when they saw me coming with Alistair, their faces evaluating me. "I'll get us more ale," Varric said, getting up and heading to the bar. Hawke grabbed another table nearby and pushed to the tables already together. Everyone rearranged themselves so that Alistair and I were able to join easier. I sat next to Hawke, unsurprised that it was the only space open.

Varric returned with the ale for us, and I gave him a thanks. Hawke cleared his throat, hoisting up his cup. The other's followed suit, and I did the same, not sure where he was taking this speech. He was always one for the dramatics. There were tears in Hawke's eyes, which surprised me. "Tonight, we celebrate the life of a dear friend and her time with us. In a little over half a year, she has been able to touch all of us in many ways. Wherever she is, may she be thinking of us. Let us drink, laugh, and share stories as she did with us while she was here. To Captain King."

"Captain King!" Everyone repeated and there were echoes of Captain King throughout the tavern. I turned and saw many gesturing their cups to our table. Bull was the first to speak.

"I remember the first time I helped her train. She was quick to catch on and she impressed me. Even if she rejected me because she was into ex-templar Commander types." There was laughter around the table and I smiled, never knowing that she turned down Iron Bull.

"She turned you down?" I asked, wondering when this was.

Dorian grinned, sharing a glance with Bull. "Don't fret, Commander. It was her first week at Skyhold and she only had eyes for you." His smile twitched a little and he got more comfortable in his seat. "I still wonder how she knew everything."

"They wouldn't understand. How can you explain to them that they are all fictional characters where I am from? Basically, characters from a book or movie? They don't even know what movies are. How can you explain when they wouldn't even understand? He didn't even believe the truth about Puff. Maybe one day I'll tell them about how I know Thedas. When I am sure they can trust the truth in my words," Cole quoted and all our smiles disappeared.

There was a moment of silence and Alistair cleared his throat. "I'm going to get some food, see if they have any cheese." He left the awkwardness that was us and I drank my ale.

"She thought we didn't trust her?" Hawke asked. He glanced around the table at everyone.

"I thought you all trusted her? More than you ever trusted other people, yeah?" Sera asked. Her eyes flickered to everyone around the table.

"I did. She had knowledge, no one else knew, but she helped you see the good that could come from it. The greatness in you," Blackwall told everyone softly. My eyes went to him and I was surprised that they had much interaction. So much I didn't know about Kassy and her relationships with the others at Skyhold.

Cassandra laughed. "I had my doubts, but she understood things in ways I could not. Even when she prayed to the Maker, her words were truth."

Dorian's eyes went to me. "There was a time once, the night after she got here, that Iron Bull and I decided to get her drunk. She was having a hard time, coming to a different world and everything. Then she surprised us with her charm and uniqueness. She was genuine and even if some thought certain choices of hers were wrong, she had reasons for them."

Varric drank deeply then, set his cup loudly on the table. "I have a story for you, Sparkler. So, it was a rainy day. Hawke and I…," Varric told us all the story and soon, everyone was laughing again. Even Alistair, who found a tray of bread, meat, and cheese. Kassy was right, the man loved his cheese. "She was barefoot, begging for my book!" Varric laughed and everyone else chuckled as well.

Hawke grinned at the memory, his eyes light with laughter. "I have one that can beat that," he told Varric. "So Kassy thought it would be a brilliant idea to…." The stories came from everyone, effortlessly. How did she have time to bond with all these people? "Then she ran away as fast as she could, telling me "abort mission!"," Dorian said, pulling me from myself.

"When she first arrived, I thought what everyone else thought. This woman was a spy," I began my story, and the others grew quiet. "She had two bags on her and I gave one to Dagna to look at…," I felt the words come from me, effortlessly. It was always effortless to think or speak about her. The others were entranced with my story, laughing and smiling at the conversation I had with her when she first arrived and her determination at using a piece of wood to cut her rope. "I should have listened, because all of the dust was everywhere. Me included."

There was laughter and Sera threw me a bag from across the table. "She gave me that stuff, she did." She told me, laughing. "Made a lot of people sparkle with that."

Hawke grabbed it and opened it, reaching a hand in and pulling out a handful of the pixie dust. "Magic, Curly." He blew it and it went on anyone around him, including me. I would be sparkling for days.

Stories soon warped into stories from our own lives and Alistair was telling a story about Zevran convincing him he needed a tattoo. I couldn't imagine our king with a tattoo. He told the story so expressively and animated. I found myself telling another story. A story spread throughout the templars. "Profound silence fell over the hall as seventy mages and thirty templars all stared at once, at this recruit in nothing but his knickers."

The table howled with laughter and I turned to glance at Alistair. "I'm sure you heard that story plenty of times. Unless, you were there to witness it."

Alistair shifted in his seat and tilted his head. "I…definitely witnessed it." I furrowed my brow, observing him. Alistair was blushing.

"Oh…oh Maker. That was you," I said, not being able to help the smirk on my face. Who knew King Alistair, companion of the Hero of Fereldan, was the subject of that story.

Alistair hid his face behind his cup as he drank. "And here I thought that story died out after Duncan recruited me."

More laughter erupted from the table as we observed Alistair give a small grin and continue to drink more. He was right. This was helping. This is what she would have told me to do if she was here. Maker's Breath, Kassy, I wish to Andraste you were here. I felt myself getting oddly tired. Maybe tonight I would be able to pass out in a drunken sleep.

I finished my eighth drink, not believing they got me to drink so much. Those last two drinks were not ale, and my throat still burned from it. Hoisting myself up, I felt the room spin. "I should get back to my office." Everyone muttered a goodbye and I went to take a step forward, almost tripping over the chair.

"Come on, Curly," Hawke told me. He put an arm around my waist to steady me. "Since our King is too drunk to help, I'll help you back to your bed."

"I am not that drunk," Alistair protested. "I take offense to that!" He went to stand, but fell back in his seat.

"Bull?" Hawke asked and Bull nodded to him. "On it," he replied. Hawke helped me out of the tavern and toward the stairs to the rampart. It was quiet. This was the time of night I would hear Kassy singing. I glanced over at Hawke and then back at where I was walking.

"Do you think…she's dead?" I asked hesitantly. I was fighting the battle in my head. Knowing that it was probably the most truthful, but my hope wouldn't let go.

Hawke stared at me, observing me, his eyes thoughtful. "No, Curly. I think she's in trouble."

We got to the stairs, and those were damn hard to master in my state. "Fade trouble or Nightmare trouble?"

"Both," he answered. "Blood magic and demons are a very bad mix. Especially in the Fade. You didn't see Nightmare, but he will want something even bigger than his previous vessel." He readjusted his arm on me. "He'll most likely find it in the Fade."

There was silence as we both thought on this. If she was alive, I needed to find her, but if she was dead, then it would be pointless. Hawke was right though. She was most likely stuck in the Fade. Tomorrow I would have to talk to the person that knew about it, Solas. Morrigan told us that we could go through the mirror, but I've been hesitant to do so, not sure where it would lead or what might happen. For Kassy, I'd be willing to go through it.

Hawke opened the door to my office, setting me in my chair. "There you go, Curly." He told me, hands on hips. He glanced around, seeing the x filled map and picking up the drawing that I left out. His eyes went to me and back to the picture. "I remember this day," he told me.

I looked at him with surprise. "Were you there?" I asked, not remembering anything but her and her words.

"That was the day she thought you were embarrassed by her. We told her to move on, but she held on." He glanced back at me again. "Don't know why."

I rolled my eyes, seeing that he was still always going to be Hawke. "She wanted us to be friends you know."

Hawke laughed and raised his eyebrows. "Think it could honestly happen?"

I considered it for a moment, giving a short nod. "Maybe not friends, but partners in a common cause. To find her." There was a knock at the door and it opened, Solas walking in. Solas. In my office? This was a first. "Solas?" I asked him.

"I thought I should tell you first," he informed me, his voice as calm and stable as always. How old was this elf? He talked like he's seen ages of life. "Kassy has sent word to me through the Fade. Commander, she alive."

My world stopped at those words, and I stared at him in disbelief. Maker's Breath, Kassy, I'm coming.