I do not own any characters. They all belong to heart wrenching Bioware. (Maybe that's how this story got to this point?) Love to my beta reader Eruya. Loving the song suggestions (Madam Viper your suggestions have been incredibly helpful!), reviews, follows, and favorites! You guys are amazing! Hope you enjoy this chapter! Rated M for language and lemons.

Chapter 22

The breath from my lungs left me and I was falling. Just like the first time. Wait. This wasn't right. I'm falling? Shit! I'm falling! I opened my eyes before squeezing them closed. Bad choice! I couldn't even scream as I fell, as there was no air in my body. There was a sickening thud as my body found the ground. I groaned, my body not able to feel a thing. That really hurt. That really fucking hurt. Damn! That was worse than the first time. It didn't help that I fell on my bad arm. I laid there, not able to figure out how to function. God, it's hot.

Move. Nightmare hissed. Or we'll be caught. Stupid girl!

I slowly opened my eyes, my eyelids flickering as they tried to sustain the pain. I was breathing with difficulty and I saw lots of greenery. A jungle? Glancing up I saw the rift, huge and dooming. Fifteen feet in the air. You fell fifteen feet onto…I could only assume based on the environment around me, a jungle. Darkspawn were beginning to come from the rift and I panicked. There was no way I could fight them like this. I tried to gather all my energy, but it was difficult. I was eventually able to get to my feet and I felt nausea kick in from the pain. Mentally pushing the nausea away, I took in my surroundings, wondering which way to go. Was I still in Thedas? It felt more like the rainforest.

I began struggling over the roots of the trees, trying to get to a cave or any cover that will help hide me until I was somewhat recovered. The heat and humidity was making me sweat, the moisture dripping down my back. I felt the panic in me and my breathing quicken. Fuck! Fuck! Go! Go! I scrambled in this terrain, hoping there weren't any harmful creatures. Not that I didn't create a huge fucking rift in the sky! Fuck you Nightmare for causing this.

I heard voices yelling to each other and I had this adrenaline, probably fear, that kicked me into panic mode. I found some bushes behind large boulders and I dove into them, staying as still as I possibly could. I tried to make my breathing shallow, but staying frozen in my position, just highlighted where I ached. I was pretty sure I broke a rib. God, I was terrified. Who knew what was in this part of…wherever I was. Where was I?

There was the sound of boots and then it passed quickly. Thank God, they didn't notice me. I stayed where I was in case there were more, and I couldn't help the unearthly feeling in me. Only a half hour ago, I was at a ball. And now, I was hiding in the bushes because there was no way I could fight. My only weapon was Nightmare and he wasn't begging to get out now. Stupid bastard. He was dying to get out not so long ago.

Or was it because we weren't in the Fade, he had no use for my body? I wish I knew how to get rid of the bastard. That was the first thing I was going to do after I got out of this bush. Find out where I was and discover how to beat-. My thought was cutoff as a hand grabbed my ankle and pulled me from the bushes. I was too terrified to scream. It was one of those moments when you see something bad happen to someone else, and all you could do is let out a silent horrified yell that the other person couldn't hear. That was this, but ten times worse.

I was staring at the canopy of trees, as I was being dragged and my breathing increased, hurting my ribs. I gathered any energy I could and focused on my magic, the only defense I could think to use, hoping it worked without a staff. I held out a hand and an icy blast came from my hand, into the unsuspecting face of a Qunari. I assumed it was a Qunari. He was large, horned, and not Iron Bull.

Struggling to my feet, my body screamed at me, letting me know it is now going well past the point of its use. What…what was happening here? What would happen if they caught me? I stumbled as I began to run, falling. I glanced over at the Qunari I hit with the spell and he was within a few feet of me. I didn't want to die. Shit. I wasn't going to be able to outrun him. Nightmare was there now, inching his way into my mind. I debated letting him in, weighing the pros and cons. Kassy, there isn't time for pros and cons. Fuck it. It was Nightmare or probably die.

I let Nightmare into my mind, feeling him take control. There was an intense pain as he took over and I curled into my ball in my mind, gaining myself for a moment. We were screwed. We could only out run Qunari for so long. Especially because they hate magic, especially this kind. Why didn't I listen to Sarah when she tried telling me about the Qunari in Dragon Age II? Something about Arishock or Aroshot. One of the two.

Nightmare took my body, and got us standing again, before running through the trees. If Qunari were here, then we were still in Thedas. What part of Thedas? Where was there a jungle in fucking Thedas? This is why you read all the codex's and not just the ones you felt were important. I was supposed to be in the Fade, not here! Suddenly, Nightmare froze and quickly turned. He picked up a stick, stabbing it into my skin and pressing down. I cried out a little from the pain, but he kept going, determined. No blood magic! No! I told him, protesting what he was doing. He ignored me, doing as he pleased. I felt an enormous build up of power in me and I realized he was using the blood magic to intensify my regular powers. Ice flew from my hands, more than I have ever created before and at an alarming speed.

The Qunari was hit and I felt relief as he fell. There was yelling of a language I assumed was what the Qunari spoke and Nightmare left me to have me go back to control. The intense pain radiating through my body, made me realize that if I didn't escape or hide soon, I would have lost. Pushing my protesting muscles, I went as fast as I could, hoping I was leaving them behind. Run, Kassy. Go! Their voices were getting more and more faded and I had to stop to rest or else I would fall from exhaustion. I walked slowly, feeling it wasn't the best choice to stop completely. Where the fuck was I? What was around here? I wish that I knew how to beat Nightmare. I wish I was with Cullen. He didn't deserve a blood mage that had a demon that she couldn't control. He's been through so much already. If and when I beat Nightmare, I'll go back to Skyhold. First, find a city and blend in.

Glancing down at my outfit, I realized there was no way I could really be able to blend in. I was covered in dry blood and some fresh blood. My pants were torn and so was what was left of the bodice of my dress. How did things get so out of hand? I knew what would come and still, I was bested. The anxiety in me started to crawl to a full fledge attack as I realized my situation. I was in the middle of God knows where, running from Qunari. I had no one I knew here to help, and the best case scenario is that I was able to hide for a while before my wounds got infection from lack of care. Then I would die from that infection…alone. No. No. Stop that. You are Captain King. The best thing would be escaping to a town and finding a healer. You will make it. You have to. For Cullen. To be back with him. I saw his smile and heard his voice in my head. Then I heard my father's voice. You are Captain King and you are a force to be reckoned with.

Alright, Captain King. Let's find a place to rest and make some plans. I have a Commander to get back to. I felt a burst of renewed energy and I picked up my pace, searching for a cave. Were there caves in the jungle? The wolves lived in the cave in jungle book, so there had to be one. Right? One foot in front of the other and don't think about the Qunari tracking me. Iron Bull told me how good the Qun were at their job. They will end up finding me if I didn't get to a city…unless that city is full of Qunari. Where was I?

The sweat was beading on my forehead and I felt the humidity cling to my skin. I ran a hand through my hair, feeling it wet from the sweat and dampness. I glanced around, feeling frustrated at not knowing which way to go. This was like the fucking Hunger Games. I couldn't climb these trees because of their tropical nature. Keep going until you find cave like area. Then I'll make a new plan. This was oddly very Tomb Raider right now. Too bad I was horrible with that game. Alright. Stop and focus. Cave.

The rustling of undergrowth had me sprinting, direction unknown. I heard my heartbeat in my head as I ran, my breathing ragged. The muscles in my legs were starting to lock up and I kept pushing them more. I glanced behind my shoulder, wondering how far behind they were. As my eyes went back to the path, I crashed into a tree, falling onto my back.

You are worthless. You are weak. You are the only reason why we will die. How can you be so fucking cowardly? Nightmare yelled at me. No one will miss you when you are gone. They are probably glad you are gone, based on how much you fail.

I was trying to get my breath back as I stared at the green of the leaves up above me. Fuck. FUCK! Get your worthless ass up! Get up right now! Come on, Kassy! Please! For Cullen? For Skyhold? For the Inquisition? Please, get up! I felt tears in my eyes at the realization that my muscles weren't going to listen to my brain. There was a shadow above me and I felt a scream stuck in my throat as I saw a flash of a weapon.

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Blinking my eyes slowly, I tried to gather where I was and why I hurt. The humidity and heat washed over me, reminding me of a hot Indian summer day. Taking a deep breath, my vision started to clear and I groaned in pain. I went to put a hand to my head and I heard rattling. I glanced down at my wrist and saw the chains, making me panic. Don't freak out. Think. Think!

I took in the room, trying to figure out where exactly I could be. A dungeon. That was where I was. Chained to a wall in a room by myself. I glanced down and felt complete embarrassment. I must have peed my pants in my sleep. Gross and embarrassing. Not that I could have avoided it or that they cared. Where was I? Why didn't the Qunari kill me? What was going to happen now?

I sat on the floor, feeling completely gross and terrified. There was no one going to come save me. No way to let anyone know where I was. I was screwed. Stay calm and focus. Okay. So, let's remember what we know about Qunari based on Sarah and the information I learned while playing Origins and Inquisition. So, they took their jobs seriously. They don't have real names. Sten did kill that family. Some have horns…others don't. They hated those that used magic. For some reason some of them were in Kirkwall. They hated people who had magic. Iron Bull worked for them. They are a whole unit or something like that. Oh yeah, they hated people with magic! What exactly did they do to their mages? And why?

The fear in me made tears in my eyes as I sat in the dirt. This became very real and very dooming. I had no way of escape and had used magic against them. I had no idea what they would do to me. Alright Captain King. Let's not get too dramatic. Maybe things will work out. An intense pressure behind my eyes made me cry out in pain.

If you don't stop the crying, I will give you something to cry about. Nightmare warned me. I thought you were a force to be reckoned with? Or was that a lie? Failing is something you are best at.

I sat there, gathering my thoughts and praying that everything would be okay. I glanced at my body, taking in the damage. There were several cuts and bruises on me, and I couldn't recall if they were there when I was running from the Qunari or not. I felt a huge ache on the back of my head and I put a hand to it, feeling a slight bump. Awesome. The cut on my arm was starting to get inflamed from not being able to clean it. I wish I knew healing magic to clear the infection.

I sat there, leaning against the wall of the dungeon, glancing up at the stone ceiling. It would be the worst, to die from infection, then whatever the Qunari had in store. This was scary. I didn't go to med school, but I knew that infections could spread quickly and once they hit your blood stream, you are fucked. Would they take pity and at least heal that?

I closed my eyes, taking a few deep breaths to keep the panic at a minimum. My anxiety always made me find ways to see the worse things possible, even if they might be a real threat. I couldn't do anything about it though. I was here, in a dungeon, chained to a wall.

The complete silence in this cell was unnerving. I couldn't even hear the other prisoners at all…if there were any. Only my breathing and the clinking of the chains when I moved. Sweat was coating me now and I don't think I ever felt quite so disgusting. The stinging in my arm was becoming overwhelming and I felt myself drifting into an unconsciousness.

I jerked awake, as I felt myself falling in the air, only to find myself still in the same cell. How long was I asleep? And why hasn't anyone come to get me? Was this their plan? Letting me starve and die in my own filth. That is if I didn't from the infection first. I could tell it was setting in, the infection. The redness and puss coming from the wound was getting worse and I was pretty sure I was getting a fever. How many times have I fallen asleep? It seemed like I just closed my eyes. Or was I dreaming that I've woken up before falling asleep again. It was getting harder and harder to keep my eyes open.

I felt an unnatural chill as I leaned my head against the wall, glancing over at the wall to my left. Was the wall moving? Or was it my mind trying to create entertainment. My lips were chapped and I licked them to help wet them a little. God, if you are listening, please help. I felt a swelling in my chest from mixed emotions and I felt an intense need to sing. "Arise, my soul, arise. Shake off your guilty fears. The bleeding sacrifice. On my behalf appears?" My voice right now was definitely not at its finest, and wasn't worthy for this song, but I had to keep singing. Needed too. With every word, I felt a bit of comfort, a bit of hope. With every verse I remembered who I needed to keep fighting for. "They pour effectual prayers
They strongly plead for me 'Forgive him, O forgive,' they cry 'Forgive him, O forgive,' they cry 'Don't let that ransomed sinner die!'"

There was the sound of a key in the lock and I went quiet as the door opened. A large male Qunari came in, his horns not as big as Iron Bull but still, they were scary. God damn. I felt my heart beat in terror as he came nearer into the cell, his eyes never catching mine. Maybe he's afraid of my witchcraft. He put a collar on my neck and grabbed the chains from my wrists and pulled hard, raising me to my feet without even making me try to use my muscles.

I felt every fiber in me, yelling a string of swear words as I walked. The Qunari didn't say a word as he led me through the maze of identical halls. Well…I wish that this wasn't so confusing in case I wanted to escape. The Qunari kept a brisk pace as we walked and I felt the dizziness getting the best of me. Oh, fuck this.

We were standing still now, yet the world seemed to keep moving and I had the odd feeling of being seasick. I focused on the room, trying to put pieces together. There was a throne and on it, a hornless Qunari. Wait…no way. No fucking way. Sten? Was that Sten up there? Did he become the head honcho after Origins? The man was talking to Sten and I couldn't understand his language, only Arishok. So Sten was super important. Great. I didn't have any sweets to charm him over.

"Sten?" I asked in the middle of their conversation. Sten glanced up at me, his eyes dark. Remember, this man killed a family. "You fought with Rowan."

Sten's glance became a glare and I felt fear in my chest. "My name is Arishok. I have no knowledge of you."

I shook my head. "You wouldn't," I told him, my voice weak. Use your charm Captain King. Win him over. "Yet, I know that you really like cake and were a huge asset during the fifth Blight."

"The cake is a lie," he told me, his face showing no emotions. Awesome. New tactic. "What magic do you possess to know this information?"

I shook my head, licking my chapped lips. "It's just knowledge. No magic." I kept quiet as he contemplated me, his eyes assessing me.

His eyes narrowed after a couple minutes. "I was told you came from a rift? Did you create that magic? The rift?"

I panicked, knowing I helped the rift along but didn't create the rift. So, it wasn't truly lying? Right? "No," I told him. "I didn't create the rift."

"Yet, you emerged from it?" He asked. "You are a lie. Reports of your ice magic has reached my ears. I know what you are, Saarebas." His eyes flitted from mine to the man that held my chain. I felt the dizziness starting to get me again and my knees faltered as the chain was tugged. "Arvaarad, be sure to stitch them tight."

I glanced back and forth between the two of them. Stitch? Stitch what? "Arishok," Arvaarad told him. Then asked a question in their language, and Nightmare grew angry. My knees started to buckle as Nightmare hissed "No!" to me and burst suddenly to the front of my mind as the Arvaarad was handed a needle and thick thread. I barely had enough time to keep myself up as Nightmare took control of me, sending me back into myself. I tried to fight him, but I knew with the way my arm throbbed, it was pointless.

Nightmare reached a hand to my damaged arm, clawing at the scab, while the Arvaarad was readying the needle and thread. What was Nightmare doing? As he clawed I held in yells, not wanting to get any more unwanted attention from Sten. He believed in the Qun and their system. I was stupid to think he would give a complete magic using stranger lenience. I had no part in their hive. Blood dripped from my wound and I felt Nightmare hiss words in a different language as the wound started to heal, but I felt even weaker than before.

Sten studied Nightmare as he performed and he yelled at Arvaarad in his language in anger. I felt myself being hit to the ground and Nightmare lashed out, creating a flash of green, making the Qunari back off. "The tongue is to be left alone!" Nightmare told them in his scratchy low voice. The chain was pulled on hard, making me fall to my knees as something locked around my neck. Two collars?

Another Qunari held a mask, and I looked at it in horror. This was beginning to become more and more like a scary movie. Nightmare relaxed and released his control, leaving me tired and barely able to stay in a kneeling position. The Qunari spoke to each other as they approached me with the mask outstretched. I felt the fear in me, wondering what they were going to do once the mask was on. My breathing was erratic and I gave a desperate look at Sten who caught my eyes, his face stern and final. This was how it was. This was what would happen. What were they going to stitch?

The mask was placed on my face and I felt a tear slide down my cheek from fear. Arms held me in place as the mask was tied on and I could barely see from the eye holes. It was a very limited view. In fact it was a metal visor and not a mask at all. With writing in a language, I didn't know. This can't be happening. Someone will come through the doors to save me. Cullen. Hawke. Anybody. I knew that it wasn't going to happen because they couldn't know where I was. What exactly was going on here? Were they going to torture me? Make me a slave?

As I was held tighter, I knew something bad was going to happen. I felt more tears run down my cheek and I tried to struggle against the hold, but I knew it was pointless. God, if you are there, please, please help me. Send help. Help me! Please, let me wake up! Please! I felt a sob come from me and I never felt weaker or this cowardly. I was glad Cullen and the others weren't here to see this. I waited to hear Dorian bursting through the door, shooting spells. Instead, the sound of my whimpering as Arvaarad stuck the needle through my lip, filled my ears.

The needle slid through easily and I felt him tug it a bit. Then the needle went through my top lip and I felt tears of pain mix with the ones of terror. They were stitching my mouth together? Why? There was relative silence as Arvaarad stitched, except my whimpers. The needle piercing my skin and the feel of my mouth being forcibly closed, was…was…so unreal. This felt like a nightmare I would wake up from, but I wasn't. The bit of blood caused from the needle, slowly ran down my lips and chin. Just a small drizzle, but still enough to feel. They continued to stitch the whole mouth and it felt claustrophobic. I had no way to open my mouth and my vision was virtually taken away. I was in chains and was their slave. Their prisoner. I silently sobbed as he finished stitching my mouth. Were they planning on stitching my eyes before Nightmare took over.

As soon as the stitches were complete, I felt the arms release me. I sagged from the support being taken away and the chains dragged me up. I struggled to my feet, trying to keep my balance. "You are not at fault for being born with your defective," Sten's voiced informed me. I felt my legs shaking and my vision was blurry. "You will carry your evil within and we honor that. Your defective makes your place in nature uncertain. Therefore, you will be Saarebas," Sten finished before speaking Qun. I felt more tears and was grateful that at least I wasn't dead. "You have used forbidden magic and a demon lives within. We will give time to see if you are able to survive the evil. You are our enemy until then."

Enemy? Does that mean that I was going to go through torture? What did Qunari do to their enemies? What was happening? I felt extreme disappointment that there wasn't a rescue. That I was still there with sewn lips, told that I was defective. It was stupid, but there always seemed like a last-minute rescue in the Dragon Age games. Except for Duncan…and Hawke's family…and you know the Couslands. Okay, there was a bunch of death. I was fucked.

Arvaarad spoke and I felt my vision going in and out. I wasn't going to make it much longer. A lot was taken out of me when Nightmare used blood and Fade magic. It took effort to make one leg move in front of the other and as a wave of dizziness took over me, I fell to the ground. It made no issue for the Arvaarad, who continued to drag me by the chains, and my head hit a corner, causing me to close my eyes and will myself to try to stand again. I made it to my knees, the Arvaarad stopping, realizing I was trying to cooperate. Somehow, I made it to my feet, and I began to walk, tripping over my feet as we went, making me feel drunk.

I somehow managed to keep up with him, my vision still limited by the visor. I was breathing heavily from my nose as I was dragged into the cell. He pushed me down and my arms were chained separately so I reach myself. Awesome. After chaining me up, I felt a wet rag on my mouth and a bit of water came into my mouth. I sucked it in, relishing the wetness on my tongue. I didn't realize how much I was craving just a bit of water. He placed the rag on my mouth three times before I saw him walk away through my visor. I went to open my mouth, and whimpered when the strings tugged and my lips wouldn't budge.

What about food? I was starving and I wondered how they were going to feed me. If they were going to feed me. Arvaarad came back and glanced at me, his eyes seeming to show some pity, but not enough to do anything about my situation. After all, I am the enemy. I was like an angry dog that was lost. You feel pity they were separated and hurt, but you needed to keep him chained up so he wouldn't hurt anyone.

"The evil strong in you," Arvaarad told me, his common not very great, but understandable. I stared at him and he sat on the other side of the cell. "They need best Arvaarad to watch enemy."

Was he trying to create conversation with someone who obviously couldn't speak back? I kept my eyes on him, seeing the way he leaned against the wall so casually, yet alert. His eyes met mine, or I thought they did, and he gestured to me. "Odd human. Green magic. Threat to Qun."

I glanced down now hungry, tired, and scared. I wish I read the fucking codex on Qunari. I wish I played Dragon Age II and I wish that I wasn't so terrified right now. This moment, right now, made me more of a believer for mage rights. I mean, mages in the circle aren't treated like this, but we aren't defective. We aren't freaks. We were born like this. God, the Maker, Andraste, any of the elven gods made us this way. We were created to bring magic into this world to help others. Everyone abuses things they were born with. Words, body, and even the mind. Magic can be a weapon, but it is also a gift. It protects. It heals. It creates realms of possibility. Elven artifacts must have magic. The Maker must have magic to create people with it. Wasn't it possible, that even the Qun God, nature or whatever, has a place for magic in life. That our purpose isn't unpredictable. That we are given a specific talent of magic to help the Qun in some way. Not be treated like puppets.

The fear of magic creates the bad magic. The fear of being locked up, creates the want to have dark magic. The knowing that no matter how good of a person you are, if you use any magic, blood or otherwise, you are judged and watched. Not fully trusted. You are tolerated. Don't the Dalish and ancient elves have magic in the elven artifacts. Look at the well we drink from getting Samson. Magic. The Eluvian. Magic. The fucking artifact that made Branwen's hand glow. Magic.

I haven't even been here that long and magic has made my life messy. Even before the blood magic, the Fade magic was a problem. It was something that I couldn't understand. Something that wasn't magic, but was at the same time. That Fade magic, felt like an ability, not magic. Like a power. You can't drain Superman of his flight or strength…I guess unless you have Kryptonite. You can't take away Aquaman's ability to talk to the sea creatures and control the water, along with what lives in it. The flash will always run fast. The Hulk will continue to turn into a big green angry dude when upset and Thor will always be able to pick up his hammer. How come they get to be heroes with those abilities?

How do they get to be treated with praise when they are destroying cities fighting these enemies and us mages are being looked down upon when we do the same? There are exceptions, like Anders, who go beyond what they should for their beliefs to be heard. Blowing up innocents isn't alright, but what about using magic that is supposed to be pure evil and showing it can be used to heal and help others. Even if you don't fully understand it. What if some mages are more prone to certain magics and so it calls to them more? Like Harry Potter, some are better at herbology than defense against the Dark Arts. What if magic speaks to you to go a certain path of study? How are we to know? Like the Maker, how are we to know what it is truly capable of? If he created so many of us mages, weren't we meant to use it?

The anger and motivation in me were rising. Wasn't I supposed to beat Nightmare? I'm capable of doing it! I know it. But how? If I got him into my head with the Fade, couldn't I get him out? Could I create a rift via the Fade that I go to when practicing with Solas? Then it could send him to a different part of the Fade. Away from me. I had no clue how to defeat a demon, but I think I may be able to trick him.

I felt my eyes closing as my body became more exhausted and the adrenaline from my realization began to leave me. How could I think that I was going to be able to do that? With the limited amount of energy that I had. I would just have to push through it. Didn't I want to see Cullen again? Dorian, Hawke, and Bull? See everyone in Skyhold? Be home there? You are John King's daughter. You aren't prone to giving up. Kings are fighters. We go until we die. I'll fight after a little rest.

There was loud talking in the language I still had no understanding of. I slowly blinked my eyes, confused at why I couldn't see well and remembered my situation. The larger Qunari came in, giving Arvaarad some kind of instructions. Arvaarad came to me, pulling on my stitching making me flinch in pain. Once the stitching was removed, I felt my mouth hurt from the small wounds. The large Qunari loomed over me. "Arishok wants to learn more about the rift. How did you create it?"

I noticed an elf with him, and I wondered if it was Qunari as well. He had a quill and parchment. "I don't know," I croaked. The Qunari hit me and I felt the sting on my cheek, blood on my lip.

"How did you come out of it?" He questioned. I looked up at him, scared of what he was expecting of me.

"I went through it," I told him. "I jumped through a different rift and came through that one."

The Qunari slowly nodded, his stance never changing. "And why did you create it?"

Don't let them see that you are weak. You are weak, but you are the Captain? Aren't you? If you die, I will continue to use your body as my vessel. I don't care either way if you live or die. Just don't mess up…like you usually do. Nightmare told me.

The Qunari yelled at me in his language, his tone clearly made to put the fear of God in me. He nailed it. I, unfortunately, couldn't understand a word he said. I felt my heart pounding, my stomach knotting, and the chill that runs down your back when you are scared. "I don't know wh-." I managed to get out before being hit again and I felt the air leave me as his blow hit my stomach. I tried to regain my breath as tears filled my eyes.

"Demon! What about Demon?" He asked enraged. I was slumping as much as I could in my chains and I felt his kick in my ribs when I didn't answer as fast as he liked. I felt myself spit out some blood from his kick. Shit. I was going to be dead in a few days if this kept up.

Nightmare roared in anger, charging for my will. I made an attempt to keep him back, back I was still trying to get my breath back through the sharp pains that happened when I breathed. I could still the full pain of my wounds when Nightmare took over, but it was in the back of my brain.

"Your magic is unnatural," the Qunari told me. Arvaarad watched with his arms crossed, nodding in agreement. "You don't deserve freedom. You dangerous. You weapon."

"I'll show you weapon," Nightmare shot back with a throaty hiss. He laughed as he licked the blood from my lips and made the Fade power grow in our heads. Nightmare no. Don't do it. Don't have us sucked into a rift with these two. "Here's your demon." There was a blinding flash of green and I had to close my eyes from it. When I opened them, there were wisps of green Fade magic coming up around the room. Wow. That was more than I ever did not in the Fade. Wait. So, my Fade wasn't magic and Nightmare was still able to draw on my blood magic. Things just got more interesting, but also worse for us.

Arvaarad pulled out his sword and came toward us, hitting me on the head with his hilt. I felt Nightmare retreat and suddenly pain was the only sense I had. Every nerve. Of course, he would leave when the going got rough. He hit me again and I saw black.

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"Eat," Arvaarad ordered gruffly. I felt my breathing falter as I started to awake from my sleep. The past few weeks have been hell since Nightmare decided to show what we could do. I officially smell like a zoo, I have more bruises than I can count, and some broken ribs. I knew that I didn't look good, and if it weren't for Nightmare, I wouldn't have made it this far. I couldn't believe I was saying this, but I grateful that someone else was here with me, even if it was a demon.

By no means were Nightmare and I friends, but when my body has been pushed to the limit and I couldn't answer a question during the daily interrogation, then Nightmare would fucking take over, saving me from feeling the amount inflicted on me. Of course, I wouldn't get the amount I did if it wasn't for him taking over.

I learned quickly that there was a routine for the day. Stitches out. Eat. Water. Interrogation. Stitches in. Pass out. The pain of the needle everyday was the worst. The past few weeks, I gave up answering the interrogation questions, knowing now that there was no real answer they wanted and that I was still the enemy. I wish I knew what they were saying when they were speaking to each other. Sten came in and personally interrogated me yesterday.

It was the worst one yet. I have no part in their order. I was told by him that I would be part of their plan then. That I would be their weapon. That I was dark. Unnatural. That I should be grateful I even have the freedom to live. That I am too powerful for my own good. That my demon makes me different then their saarebas'. That my demon is the most powerful. That I will work with them now. That I will become my own enemy. That those that thought me friend, will now think me enemy. As it should be. Magic needs to be contained. I am Saarebas.

I was starting to respond to that name and I hated it. I was growing more like what they wanted and losing part of me. I was losing hope and fight. I was Saarebas. No! I was Kassy King. I was Captain King. And I was unnatural. No, that's not what I meant. I am a force to be reckoned with. Nightmare and I are most powerful. No. I need to get rid of Nightmare. I need to figure out how to get home. I need my family. Cullen. I needed to get word to Skyhold.

"Eat!" Arvaarad repeated and I felt moldy bread stuffed in my mouth. I chewed slow, my jaw sore from the constant hitting. Yesterday, Sten gave full force blows, making me black out before Nightmare could come back. The constant sleeping from exhaustion and pain left me no time to figure out my Fade plans. Every day I told myself that I was going to figure out how to get to the Fade and create a rift to send Nightmare away, but I wouldn't.

I swallowed the bread, getting another bite. I shook my head when he went to put more in and he put the loaf down, reaching down for the rag in the water. I quickly swallowed down the bread, my mouth craving the water. He rang the rag into my mouth and I gulped the water down like a hamster in a cage. I feared this part because I knew what would come after. I was surprised to watch Arvaarad grab his needle and thread. "No questioning?" I barely hissed.

His eyes didn't meet mine, thinking I was less than him. His attitude toward me got worse and worse as each day pass. "You give no answers. You don't need mouth open. You dangerous with it open." Without warning, the needle went through my lower lips without warning and I flinched in pain. The wounds weren't very clean and I knew though the wounds were small, they were infected. No surprise based on how I was living now. The sweat from the heat trickled down my face and the salt from it stung my wounds.

Once the stitching was done, he unshackled my hands from the walls, leaving them in the chain and tying them in front of me. He grabbed he leash on my collar, pulling me up. I was curious what was happening and he called in his language out the door. A man came in with clothing. Clothing? Was I getting clothing?

Sten followed in after, as the man with the clothing began to strip me of my own clothing, including my boots. I felt angry that I was naked in front of them, as if I was a show they were watching. Not that my body looked great. I was definitely looking rough. The clothing was a shirt that was more like a crisscross bra and a skirt. Very Egyption feeling and I hated it. They were black and I figured it was to remind me of the dark that lives me. The chains were rearranged and my hand shackled behind my back. Sten pushed me to my knees and the man left.

"You are full of evil," he began. "You are a weapon." I looked up at him. "Fight for us." He pulled out a vial of blue glowing liquid. Wait. Was he? Was he serious? Was he expecting me to drink Lyrium? I thought operation Dragon Breath wasn't for a few years…or were they starting it as soon as we started the Inquisition? How many Lyrium pumped saarebas' were there? "Saarebas, you fight with us."

Sten was crazy. I shook my head and tried to move away from him. Arvaarad hit me and grabbed his stick, making me immobile. Fucking stick. Sten came closer to me, crouching down. "You are dangerous. You will fight for us. You are a weapon. Nothing else. A weapon for us to control. You are Saarebas." He uncorked the Lyrium and poured it on my lips. Wasn't raw Lyrium dangerous? Or would I be okay since it was potion form? I was just fucked all together.

He tipped the vial more and my mouth filled with the potion, making me reflexively swallow. No. No. This wasn't supposed to happen. No. I couldn't be full of Lyrium. How could my life in Thedas get so fucked up?

You made this choice when you jumped through the rift. You chose to abandon the life you knew. You made this decision. Live with it and stop bitching. Nightmare told me. His voice seemed eager for me to drink the potion. Tonight, you leave. I informed him. Tonight, you are gone and they won't have that power over me.

Sten finished pouring the potion in my mouth and I the Lyrium burned, the taste nothing like I've ever known. Almost metallic tasting. I wish I could spit, but with my lips sealed, I couldn't. Sten stood and glared down at me. "You are Saarabes. You are a weapon."

I was still immobilized as he loomed over me. And I could hear "The Day that Never Comes" playing in my mind. Born to push you around. Better just stay down. Sten took a minute. "Tell us how you create rifts."

I couldn't move and so I stayed still, taking a kick to my stomach. You pull away. He hits the flesh. You hit the ground. "Saarebas, I am Arishok. You answer me. Tell me about the rift." I felt the ability to move take me over and I grew angry. Fuck you Sten. You won't get the ability of my Fade power. I felt a rush through me and I glared at him, shaking my head, knowing he would be upset.

Mouth so full of lies. Tend to black your eyes. "You are Saarebas. You are nothing. You are only weapon. You are dangerous. You will fight for us." I closed my eyes and shook my head. God, please let this be over quicker than yesterday. Just keep them closed. Keep praying. Just keep waiting.

Sten was angry and he grabbed face, making me look up at him. "You will break. You are weak now. You work for the Qun. You will die for the Qun." He shoved me down roughly, and spoke to Arvaarad in the Qun language. Leaving he slammed the door, making me flinch. Arvaarad came toward me, kicking me hard, making me fall onto my side.

"Respect to Arishok, Saarebas. Respect to the Qun, Saarebas. This is how you will learn." He continued to kick, making me grunt in pain with every forceful blow. Push you cross that line. Just stay down this time. Hide in yourself. Crawl in yourself. You'll have your time.

I tried to focus on the plan I had once the "learning" was over. The Fade plan. Fuck the Qun. Fuck Sten. Fuck Nightmare. I would figure this out. I had to. God I'll make them pay. Take it back one day. I'll end this day. I'll splatter color on this gray. Waiting for the one. The day that never comes. When you stand up and feel the warmth. But the sunshine never comes.

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Operation Fuck Nightmare wasn't going as easily as I thought it would go. It took a week for me to enter the Fade by myself without slipping into sleep from exhaustion. I forgot the headaches that using the Fade magic caused. It would be worth it though. To finally be rid of him. Another month to actually be able to perform magic there. It was physically exhausting and often, the pain of an injury interrupted my concentration.

The Lyrium was now something that happened daily, and I hated that my body enjoyed the Lyrium. It craved it. It made me feel more alive and though it helped make me determined to get rid of Nightmare, I understood how Templars were so addicted to it. The extra power you felt from it, was unlike anything I ever felt. My Fade abilities were heightened by it and I doubted that I would have gotten as far as I have without it.

I just had my daily visit from Arishok…I mean Sten. Keep him as Sten. I was nervous about these visits. Some days I went with only a couple injuries. My continuing reluctance to answer him, makes Sten upset and am starting to feel differently about my answer. I would be powerful with the magic. Imagine the Rift I could create with the Lyrium boosted power. And without this collar. I would be the most powerful Saarebas, even without Nightmare. Didn't Dorian say my magic was different, making it more dangerous, but equally as important?

Wait, Saarebas, I mean Kassy. Fuck. They are brain washing you. Fight it. Cullen. Dorian. Hawke. Branwen. Varric. Cassandra. Iron Bull. I repeated the names of the people at Skyhold I left behind to myself. How could I get a message to them? Get them to know where I was? I needed to leave here before things got worse. How long have I really been here? Two months? Three months? It was hard to tell with no window. What was it like to walk? To sleep in a bed? To bathe?

My "teaching" for the day had finally finished, and I laid on my side, trying to make it seem like I was sleeping. Often, this time turned into crying. I cried easier these days, just with the thought of never seeing Cullen again. Helping he Inquisition. Forced to help destroy the Inquisition, or whomever they thought were their enemies.

Closing my eyes, I relaxed my breathing and focused on the Fade, high on my fresh Lyrium dosage. It took a few minutes, but I was able to reach it today. I felt the drain already on me, but I pushed through it. I thought today would be the day I got rid of Nightmare, but a new plan popped into my mind during my daily beating. I was going to find Solas. In the Fade. Hopefully. I would try. I would use all my energy to the breaking point to do it. With the light amount of injuries today, it was the perfect time to try.

I thought of Solas when I began walking. In the Fade, I was still as I was when I slept, minus the hand bondage. My arm movement was free. I began to walk around, calling to Solas in my mind, hoping he would hear me. Minutes turned to hours and I almost gave up on myself. This plan wasn't going to work. I concentrated on how it felt when Solas was with me in the Fade and took a deep breath. "Fen'Harel, help me," I cried in my head. I pictured myself with him, and pushed all my energy on it.

"How do you know my name?" Solas asked me, his voice dark and threatening. I felt tears in my eyes as I opened them and saw the elf that I never thought I would be so happy to see. He stood tall and with such authority that there was no denying who he was. This was the god of the elves. This was the god I called to in need. I never thought that would happen. I fell to my knees in front of him, silently crying as I reached up and took off my mask, throwing it to the ground, before glancing up at him. Help me, I thought.

Solas' eyes tried to understand what was happening and suddenly the recognition kicked in. He fell to his knees in front of me, looking me over, his grey eyes staring at my lips before back up to my eyes. "Kassy," he said in a hushed tone, unbelieving that he saw me. I nodded, the tears still coming down. He shook his head and glanced at my collar and my mouth again. "I have been searching the Fade for months. Why haven't you answered? What happened?"

I pointed to my mouth and his eyes registered what I was asking. He waved his hands in the rift, and I felt the sutures begin to fade. I saw the pity in his eyes as his hands swirled, but he kept his cool demeaner, his eyes not as calculating as usual. Once the stitches were out, I let out a sob, not being able to hold back my relief at finding him. I could feel my energy draining though, and I would have to tell him quickly if I wanted to get information to him.

"The Qunari got me. They know I have Nightmare and they…well they…" I gestured to myself, looking down at the ground. "I don't know where I am, but it's hot and Sten is here. He's the Arishok now. I know that means nothing to you, but Leliana would understand." I was feeling woozy and I knew time was running out. I needed to hurry and tell him more information before it was too late. "It is taking a lot to stay here right now. I…I…," I didn't know if he could understand me through the sobs or not. His face didn't show any emotion, but his eyes were swirling with my information. "Solas…they….they are forcing me to drink Lyrium." There was disapproval on his face and he stood up and turned away, thinking. "I'm scared, Solas," I whispered. "Help me."

At my plea, Solas turned to me, his eyes still trying to process everything I told him, trying to make sense of my sobbing. He went to his knees and put a hand on my shoulder, his blue eyes full of an emotion I never saw in him: comfort. "I will try," he told me. "I'll leave now to-." I grabbed his wrist, making him look at me.

"Cullen? How is he?" I asked, and Solas' eyes went soft again. I needed to know. I needed to know what he was doing. Feeling. Acting.

"The Commander is endlessly searching for you," he informed me, not giving me anything else. He was searching for me. He wasn't giving up either. "Though he may be tired, he is nothing compared to how you are, Captain."

I felt relief that he was okay, and guilty that he was searching Thedas for me. I licked my lips and stood up slowly. "Thank you, Solas."

Solas nodded and the green of the Fade twisted around us in recognition. He studied me again and his head tilted slightly to the side. "You are stronger than anyone would have thought, Captain." He took a deep breath and I saw…was that respect? Was I earning his respect? "Rest now. You have a journey ahead of you."

I felt myself wake with a silent gasp and my body felt like I was falling from a bed. I jerked and tried to catch my breath. I did it. I did it! I found Solas. I found….I….I found him. I wept, tears of hope. So many days where I thought I would be stuck here. So many days I thought I would never see them. They were coming. I would get home. I would see them soon.

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The knowledge that I would soon see them, continued to be my beam of hope in the quickly intense world of the Qunari. Days go by, the same routine and occasionally, Nightmare would make an appearance, causing us to have a blackout from the beating. He saved me from one particular beating, the day after I talked to Solas in the Fade. I was stubborn, more than usual, with Sten. He did not appreciate my answers, causing me to earn the worst beating yet. Nightmare noticed that though and took the lead, helping absorb most of the blows until I passed out.

He urged me to not fight to drink the Lyrium though. He hissed plans in my head about the things we could do with that power. He told me I could create a rift back to my home in Michigan with that power. See my family again. Pretend this was all a dream. We could create a huge rift to get us out of here. Let the demons just devour them. Nightmare was very good at his explanations, making them seem exactly like what I wanted. He almost succeeded a couple times, before I remembered Cullen and Skyhold. That was my home now.

I was still entering the Fade every day, hoping to complete Operation Fuck Nightmare. He was draining me more than the actual Fade. He was beginning to catch onto my plan and has been trying to take over more often, knowing that the Fade took a lot of energy from me. The worst part of it all, was that I could feel myself changing since I've been taking Lyrium.

There was this feeling in me. This feeling of actually believing what Arvaarad and Sten told me was true. I was starting to refer to myself as Saarebas. I was believing that maybe I was unnatural and that I should be locked away like this. Away from the natural order of the world. The world where everyone had a particular purpose to the balance of the world. I was intruding on that. I upsetting it by letting my magic exist. They were right. I was just a weapon.

No! Damn it, Saar-…Kassy! Fuck you! Don't. Don't do this! You can't! You need to snap out of this. Cullen. Dorian. Branwen. Hawke. Iron Bull. Cassandra. Everyone at Skyhold. Templars were right. Mages needed to be contained. They needed to be….woah! Hell no! Mages deserve freedom. Mage rights, Saa-…Kassy. Mage Rights! You are Kassy. You. Are. Kassy.

I felt the confusion in me and the turmoil of my situation. My brain was starting to believe Sten and Arvaarad. I was almost confessing how to creates rift and use them for mass destruction. How I could have Nightmare come out and wreak havoc on the Tevinters. How I could use blood magic and combine it with my ice magic to magnify the effect it has on it. That is what frightened me. I don't remember how long ago my conversation with Solas was, but I knew that Nightmare had to go. That… he could help me wield powerful magic. Maybe they should try some red Lyrium. Isn't that stuff….fuck. You went there. You are going crazy. He is driving you crazy.

I sat in the corner of my cell, face to the wall, rocking. Sing your song. It will be okay. Sing your song, it will be okay. Sing. Just….sing. My lips went to move and I felt the tight stitches made tighter from Nightmare's freak out. My voice sounded better in my head anyhow. I closed my eyes hearing the music in my head and the image of Cullen came to me. His arms holding me. His lips brushing my hair, telling me I was okay. It was a Nightmare. Sing your song, love. Hold me close, and hold me fast. This magic spell, you cast. This is la vie en rose.

As I sang in my head, I recalled Cullen's face. His muscles when he practiced on the field. The way his scar would twitch in annoyance when reading certain reports. The way he would roll his eyes at anything Zevran or Hawke had to say. When you kiss me heaven sighs. And though I close my eyes. I see la vie en rose. I saw him by the fire, his blonde hair shining in the fire light and he would focus on the flames, lost in thought. The way his hand would go to the back of his neck when I flustered him without meaning to. When you press me to your heart. I'm in a world apart. A world where roses bloom!

The way he would hum to himself without realizing if I've been repeating songs during the day. Or the way he would smile at me when I used slang. I missed the way his hair would be tussled if he was up all night doing reports. And when you speak, angels sing from above. Every day words seem to turn into love songs! I loved the way he would understand me, without having to ask what was wrong. He just understood and he would hold me. His smell. His strength. The way his breathing would speed up when I kissed him. His voice, even when he was pissed off at me.

The way we seemed to sync in bed. How he would be completely vulnerable with me and inspires me. How he could love a total stranger and fall in love with her in only a few months. I loved his bravery, the way he pushes on during hard times. That he has complete faith in me. That he kept searching for me. Give your heart and soul to me. And life will always be. La vie en rose.

He won't make it here. It's been weeks. He won't come. Nightmare told me and I opened my eyes, surprised to be in the Fade. When did this happen? I had tears in my eyes and I glared at him. "Shut up."

He isn't coming. The Qunari will know he is coming. On their own island. He appeared in front of me, but not in the form of the multieyed spider. He was in the form of me. But a dark me. You aren't worth the death of so many in the Inquisition. You are nothing. You mean nothing. You are only powerful because of me.

"Not true," I growled at him, my hands fisting in anger. When did my lips get unstitched? I studied the evil me. She was…untouched. She looked like me before the Winter Palace. I didn't realize how toned I got since getting here. I looked…athletic, which was not something I ever thought I would say to describe myself.

Of course it is. You are weak. You are nothing. You are Saarebas. She hissed and I followed her as she walked. I know your plan. You think you can create a rift here and send me through it. You forgot one thing. I. Am. You. She cackled and I felt a chill go down my spine. Your plan isn't so efficient.

I started gathering the Fade magic discreetly, using one of the various wounds on me to collect some blood. I licked the blood from my lips, feeling the power heighten. The Lyrium was kicking in as well. "You are right…" I began, flexing my fingers. "I am weak. I forgot you were able to read my thoughts when I wasn't here. That I was creating Operation Fuck Nightmare, and you were there for the whole show."

You didn't just merely forget. You stupidly did it. You made a whole plan of demise, to have it end with this. Me taking you over completely. We are going to be part of the Qun until we are unleashed, then we start the new plan. Operation, join Corypheus. I told myself. I stared at her in total confusion. What the fuck was she going on about. Join Corypheus? That made no sense. Did all Demons want him as God? Didn't matter, let her keep monologuing. She was making this plan easier than I anticipated…I mean he…he was messing me up posing as me.

Then I can use him as my new host. Imagine the power that he possesses. Unless we use red lyrium and become even more powerful. Should we suggest that to Arishok next time he pays a visit? Nightmare hissed. I felt the intensity of the rift building in me and I couldn't help but think that maybe I was dreaming and not really in the Fade. Weren't dreams in the Fade? Stop. Focus. This can be simpler than anticipated. I pushed the energy in me, letting it ring in my ears as Nightmare stopped his talking to focus on me, a hand to his head…well technically, my head.

You think you can fool me? I know everything. Right now, you are collecting power to create a rift to send me through. It won't work. I can easily connect to you again. I shook my head, fear in my chest that he figured me out. I shouldn't have been so cocky, thinking he didn't know what was happening.

He laughed at me, giving me a look of mock sympathy. I never wanted to slap a face more. Especially my own. I continued though, feeling myself slipping as I was becoming drained. What made me think I could do this? Today? After a rough day? He knew too. That was why he….an intense headache formed and I saw him reaching out to me, smirking. Let me back in, Saarebas.

I pushed against him, his grip on my will tight. I staggered and fell down, not being able to really focus on the rift. You will tire yourself out soon. Might as well save that strength for something important. Now…let me back in. I felt my breathing stagger from the concentration and will to keep my mind blocked from him. Not letting him sneak in again. Tears stained my cheeks and I wondered when I began crying. No. Don't let him in. Don't let him break you.

He was right though, I felt myself slip from the Fade a little before forcing myself back. It was hard to stay here. Hard to concentrate on what I needed to be doing. Hard to not fall into glorious exhausted sleep. To just…close my eyes for a few minutes while I recharge. No! Fight! Fight! This is your chance to be rid of him! "You have ruined so many parts of my life you bastard!" I growled, letting my anger fuel me. I looked up at him and glared. "You tried to kill me and my friends in the Fade." I felt my breathing get heavier. "You convinced me that I was a monster for choosing blood magic. That I wouldn't make a difference with it." I kept my eyes on him. "You made people afraid to trust me. Afraid that I will be one of those mages that will blow up chantries because of my demon." I stood up slowly. "You made me doubt myself and those around me." I took a step toward him, pushing my own chest in anger. "You gave me no choice but to jump through a god damn rift, because I know the things you are capable of doing. The chaos that you would create. You could wipe out the Inquisition given the chance. Especially once you figured out my magic." He smirked and that pushed me over the limit. "You, mother fucker, made this hell, more of one."

I felt the will in me grow with my anger and I grabbed the dagger off Nightmare me belt, and cut my arm, letting the blood drip on the ground. I pulled at the blood magic, and mixed it with my Fade abilities as it built in me.

Those were all your choices. I didn't chose for you to have blood power. I didn't ask you to create a rift back in the Fade. I didn't jump through the rift you so willingly jumped through. You made those choices, Saarebas. You and you alone. His smile never faltered as he watched me start to perform the magic. And you will never be rid of me or the choices you have made.

"I may not be rid of the choices I made in the past," I hissed at him. A spark of green flashed between us and his smile left his face as I fought his advance into my mind. "Today is the day I finally will be rid of you." I gave a wicked grin as there was a loud crack and a large rift appeared behind Nightmare, the crackling almost deafening. "You are right about one thing," I told him as I grabbed hold of his shirt, quickly plunging the dagger into his chest as he glanced back at the rift. His eyes went wide with shock as he gave me a look of pure hate. He struggled against me as I backed him up, my strength more than usual. The blood from his wound coated my hand and I felt my blood magic take his strength to add to mine. "I am Saarebas."

His blue grey eyes turned black as I saw him about to attack and I quickly pushed him into the rift, watching it pulse with energy. Seeing him gone, made me fall to my knees and I felt drained of all life. I felt myself jerk back into the real world. My head throbbed in time with my heart and I wish I could hold it. Was that real? Or was it a dream? I couldn't concentrate any more as the blackness overtook me.

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A kick in my stomach made me groan. Two weeks since Nightmare went through the rift. Two weeks since I defeated him. Or did I? Did I only distract him? Either way, it was a victory, but I wasn't able to celebrate. Two weeks of more torture than usual. They were catching on to my loss of Nightmare. Typically, he would make an every other day appearance. I was beginning to regret my choice. I wanted to please Arishok. I was missing Nightmare.

He was giving me more Lyrium than usual lately, telling me that I was his ultimate weapon. That I would fight for him. He tried to push me to points were Nightmare would usually take over, and then would be upset that he didn't. He thought increasing my intake of Lyrium would be a good idea to help bring Nightmare out. When he didn't show, Arvaarad would teach me that I needed to obey Arishok. That I wasn't free to make my own choices. Arishok controlled them.

I didn't realize how much pain Nightmare took from me, and I wished him back. Then I remembered that weird dream I had a month or so ago. The one where I spoke to an elf. Who was that? They were vaguely familiar. Think Saarebas! Think! Oh yes. He said he was coming. It was only a dream though. Just a dream.

I wasn't foolish enough to believe that they would come. Nightmare was right. How could they infiltrate the Qunari? The sweat trickling down my back made me itch and I wished I could wipe it away. The past few days I have been denied food, for not providing answers. The stitching was not removed and only Lyrium and water were given to me once a day. I was going to die. Even if I fought, I was going to die. It was becoming very clear. I felt myself cough in my chest and I took a deep breath through my nose. They were trying to break me and I was on the edge of doing it.

Arishok wanted me to say yes to fighting for him. He will not let me speak unless I say I will fight for Qunari. Fight against everyone I love. Become a mass destruction weapon of war. Today I would say yes. Today, I would be a good Saarebas and….no you won't. You will die before that happened. You got rid of Nightmare. You are free from him…for now. You will be able to do this!

No. No. Arishok would be mad. I was a weapon. I didn't want to be the enemy anymore. It was best to stay here, contained. Kept away from the balance of the world. Kept away from the people I can hurt. Serving a purpose. Lyrium. If not for Arishok, do it for Lyrium.

I fell onto my side as he kicked me again this time in the face. I whimpered. "You are a weapon." I am. Another kick hit me. "You are our enemy until you say yes." I groaned again, the pain almost numbingly horrible. Yes. Let me speak! I will join you. They don't give me the opportunity to answer anymore, and I feared that my lack of trying today made Arishok very upset.

As I laid on the floor, covered in my filth and blood, I stared at Arvaarad's boots, before closing my eyes. Any day now they would know that I lied. That Nightmare wasn't here anymore. The door to the cell creaked open and I curled into a ball more, convinced that somehow Arishok found out. That he was here to punish me. No! I'll be your weapon, just no more. No more.

I heard Arvaarad exclaim something in his language before there was the deafening sound of clashing blades. I remember that sound. So long ago. I forgot what it sounded like. No. You are dreaming. This is you dreaming. This can't be real. No one is fighting here. No one is killing Arvaarad. If they are, it's so another can take his place.

I felt myself go immobile and realized Arvaarad was using the stick so I didn't interfere with the fight. I laid completely still as the clashing and grunts of fighting filled my ears. The thudding of a large body hitting the floor indicated the end of the fight. Who won? My body relaxed and I felt my muscles be my own again. I heard heavy footsteps and shuffling of feet. My body tensed again and I began to think that I would be blamed somehow. I was prepared for my punishment. My breathing was heavy and I flinched violently, when a hand touched my arm softly, letting it linger. Wh…What?

"Kassy," a man said softly. I felt a lump in my throat. That name. How long has it been? No. No. I was Saarebas. It….it…no. This…this isn't real. Just another dream.