Maker's Breath

by mythicalbard

Kassy was just an ordinary gamer, who was obsessed with Dragon Age, Dragon Age Inquisition to be exact. She never expected to be apart of that world, except through her cosplay group. When she was transported to Thedas, she realizes all the characters were real. Now she has to find a way home, try to fit in with this world, and catch the commander's eye. Slow burning romance.

23. Chapter 23

I do not own any characters. They all belong to…wait for it…Bioware. Love to my beta reader Eruya. Loving the song suggestions, reviews, follows, and favorites! You guys are amazing! Sorry about all the heaviness…maybe…yes…slightly sorry. Also, sorry it has been a while since I updated. Life, ya know? Hope you enjoy this chapter! Rated M for language and lemons.

Chapter 23

Bull led the way through the mazes of halls, his certainty of direction assuring me we were on the right path. I was almost there. I would see her, hold her soon. The plan leading to this was a long one. At first there was no direction to go. I remember Solas' face as he told me the details of his interaction with Kassy in the Fade. She was in a hot climate, there were Qunari, and she was their prisoner.

The days leading to the rescue were tense and filled with arguments, mainly Hawke and me. Though we both wanted to save her, we differed on how to do it. It wasn't until Dorian broke up a particularly heated argument, that the plan actually begun. He suggested we talk to Iron Bull, since he worked with the Qun. Hawke and I were both unsure about that idea, knowing we were paying the Qunari for his services to the Inquisition. Could we trust him?

"Listen, Commander," he began, his eyes never leaving mine as he crossed his arms across his huge chest. Does he ever wear a shirt? "I admit that I never thought I would give myself fully to the Inquisition. I was paid to be a part of it, not volunteering my services. However, last week, the Inquisitor helped me with the Qun, when my Chargers were in a difficult position. I realized what she represented. People, not alliances. She represents protecting those that help her with her cause. We aren't just…in a way, she reminds me of the Qun. She makes everyone feel like they have a part to do in the Inquisition and you are valued. The difference is that she gives you chances to change and…have your own ideas. No matter the reputation or image you have." He shrugged his shoulder. "When I joined her back here at Skyhold, the Qun considered me a traitor. I owe her for saving my Chargers' lives. I guess I'm really part of the Inquisition now."

Hawke nodded with satisfaction at the answer, but I still had my doubts. "You'd be willing to help us formulate a plan to save Kassy? Even if that includes killing some of your own? Maybe the Arishok if we run into him?"

Bull took a moment, looking down at the ground before going back up at me. "Yeah. As much as it seems wrong, I know the way they treat Saarebas'. Especially, enemy Saarebas'. Rift isn't going to be the same person we knew. Trust me. If she isn't brain washed by now, she will be."

"She's strong," Hawke interjected, and I glanced back at him, my brain processing exactly what Iron Bull said. She wouldn't be the same person. Brain washed. She was strong, but how strong can one person be when they are being tortured and dealing with Nightmare?

"I know," Iron Bull confirmed, and he sighed. "But strength can only go so far. If they know she has a demon in her, the Arishok himself will be questioning her. It's only a matter of time before she breaks."

"She was no more than the shell of the woman I once knew. Her eyes seemed bigger, she was covered in dirt, and she was smaller. They must be starving her, the wisp of a girl we used to know. Three months and she changed so much. She was haunted. The strength leaving her. Her pleas unlike her. The lyrium will be her undoing. 'I'm scared, Solas. Help me.'" Cole monotoned voice informed us, all eyes going to him. Those words must have been what Solas thought when he saw Kassy in the Fade. It already seemed so long ago, yet not long at all. Did he say lyrium?

"Lyrium?" I asked Cole, and his pale blue eyes lifted to meet mine. "Why wouldn't Solas tell us that?"

Hawke frowned and shrugged his shoulders at me. "Probably because he knew she wouldn't want you to know. Seeing that you are free from lyrium and all." His voice didn't hold a hint of sarcasm or snark and I thought that over. Lyrium…I knew the pull of the power. How long had they been giving her lyrium? "Last I knew, the Qunari didn't have access to lyrium," Hawke addressed Iron Bull. He took a step toward Bull. "What aren't you telling us, Chief?"

Was Iron Bull hiding something? He wouldn't….would he? I also took the crossed-arm position, straightening my back. Iron Bull glared at Hawke and kept his mouth shut. I turned to Cole and gave my most intimidating look. "There was only talk when they saw the rift. Only talk. I never thought they would actually go through with it."

Cole's words made Iron Bull roll his eyes and keep his pose, Hawke glancing at me to see my reaction. She didn't know how bad it would be. How long have they been giving her lyrium? How much? Was she addicted to it yet? The withdrawals! I….I didn't wish for the withdrawals on anyone. She…she's been through so much already. We need to leave today. We need to find her. I need her in my arms, in one piece.

"Like the kid said, I never thought that the plan would be kicked around more. I assumed they would find something else and keep going." He let out a huge sigh and leaned his hands onto my desk, leveling his eyes with mine. "I know you want her back, Commander. And we'll do just that. It's going to take some traveling to get there."

"Where?" Hawke asked, his eagerness to journey just as much as mine. Dorian and him were just as committed to finding Kassy as I was. Even more so. On the rare occasions that I pass out while working, Dorian or Hawke would wake me with their ideas. Now, when everything was real and finally happening, they were prepping and researching as much as they could.

"Par Vollen," he replied and I rolled my eyes at our luck.

"In the heart of the Qunari," I stated, running a hand through my hair. "We will have to have a very well thought out plan for this. One that doesn't get us caught and have to deal with the Arishok. I already had to do dealings with the first one in Kirkwall, I would hate to have to send Hawke to do another one."

Hawke raised his eyebrows at me. "Do you remember my interactions with Arishok? I have been chased by the last Arishok. I literally ran around until I was able to get him. Thanks to Fenris." He argued. "You think that the new Arishok would love to hear from me? Yeah. Not happening."

Iron Bull seemed lost in thought, and we both ignored Hawke as he rambled on about his interactions with the Arishok. Finally, Iron Bull's eyes met mine. I knew my eyes were begging for him to help us with this. To say he had a plan. That he would lead us.

"Let's go save Rift," Iron Bull told me, a bit of a smirk on his face. "We leave tonight."

I kept close to Iron Bull as he ran, not wanting to lose him. Hawke, Dorian, and Zevran were right behind me, Varric and Anders keeping the exit clear for our quick escape. To be this close to seeing her was unreal. After the journey, the boat, and the days that seemed to drag on forever, we finally made it. It was oddly quiet here. Was it because they didn't have many prisoners, or that their prisoners had their mouths stitched?

We slowly checked each room, listening to see if there were any sounds coming from them. Bull said he knew what to listen for. Finally, Bull paused turning toward us. He nodded his head sharply, indicating for the other three to check the rooms nearby. Stay in a group, at least two of you together. Easier to knock the Qunari out and escape. One on one combat could be tedious, especially with this type of rescue mission. Keeping quiet was our goal. Do not let the Arishok know we were there. Be prepared to fight hard for escape. If necessary, let Justice out. I was still a little dubious about that one.

I readjusted my grip on the hilt of my sword, ready for whatever came our way. Iron Bull glanced at me and I nodded, hoping that we could get in and out quickly. He checked to see if the door was locked before shouldering it open. The Qunari elf jumped up, clearly surprised, but ready for a fight. The Qunari was alone in the room and we were able to cut him down quickly. Why sit in an empty room?

"We must be close if they put him near here," Bull informed me. I silently questioned him, raising an eyebrow and he nudged the body with his foot. "He wrote down the dealings with the prisoner. Conversations, food intake, drink, and I assume lyrium."

I glanced down at the papers neatly rolled on the floor in a pile. So many of them. We couldn't bring them all. Maybe just a few? I didn't have the chance to grab one as Iron Bull headed out of the room, his movements determined. I followed, feeling that this was the room. That we would open it and I would see her. I felt my heart pounding hard in my chest as Iron Bull opened the door. Time felt slower as Bull and the Qunari spoke to each other and the fighting began. I caught a brief glance of her, well, what I thought was her, laying on the ground unmoving.

Was…was that really her? It…was it finally her? This, this wasn't what I was expecting. I don't know exactly what I thought I would find, but this….this wasn't it. Seeing her like she was, made me angry. The mask that hid her eyes and the stitches that held her mouth together, made my heart beat in my ears, and the anger I felt a moment ago, turned into rage. I swung my sword on the Qunari, picking up on the tricks he tried to use on me. The same ones Iron Bull showed me on our way to this place. Maker's breath, she better be alive. Iron Bull swung his sword too, and with a final blow, the Qunari fell to the ground, a wooden stick rolling from his hand. What was that?

Iron Bull kicked the body and I let my sword drop by my side as I went to the body that I once knew. My boots echoed as I stepped toward her. I never thought that something like this could happen to someone like her. Tied up, unable to fight. The body of someone that used to be strong, but now looked so frail. Her breathing was erratic, like someone that was terrified. She had her knees drawn to her chest, her hands tied behind her. The heavy chains that held her in place made her unable to move far from the wall. She had to endure this for how long? Four? Five months? I hadn't expected the journey here to take so long.

Reaching out slowly, I put a hand softly on her arm, feeling her flinch at the touch. I kept my hand lightly on her, unthreatening, not believing that she was right in front of me. I took a moment to really look at her, her body covered in blood and bruises. The stitches. Those stitches were the thing that hurt me most. How could someone do this to another person? Leave them like this? "Kassy," I said softly, hearing the bit of break in my voice. She laid silently, not moving, and I wondered if she thought I was a Qunari. Carefully, so that she knew I wasn't going to harm her, I lifted her up, seeing each bruise created on her body, to a sitting position, before pulling her to my chest and holding her, rocking her.

I held her, not believing that finally, after months of searching, months of thinking her dead, that we were together. I kissed her hair, feeling an overwhelming feeling in my chest. "I'm here, Love," I whispered to her. "We're getting you home." Deciding that I should get her free of the bonds and chains, I glanced back at Iron Bull. "How do we get the chains off?"

Bull was going through the pants of the fallen Qunari and he quickly looked up at me as he took the keys and the Qunari sword. He let the body fall to the ground again as stepped over it to me. His chest was covered in blood from the fight we just had and he stared at Kassy briefly, as he reached over and grabbed the stick. I glanced up at him with question and he pocketed the stick. "It controls her," he told me. "Wouldn't want any of them taking away her freedom to move." He glanced at the door and then at me. "We don't have much time. Undo her hands and I'll get the chains unlocked from the wall. We'll get everything else off her once we get out of here."

I nodded, glancing down at Kassy, before moving behind her and grabbing my sword from the ground, cutting the rope that held her wrists. She sighed as they fell in front of her and I saw tears on her cheeks as I moved in front of her again, seeing the damage to them. Rubbed raw, blistering, and oozing. She would need a lot of healing. She held her hands in front of her, as if she was confused what to do with them. I noticed her struggling to stay upright and I grew angry again that she was this way.

Kneeling next to her, I held her, so she leaned against my chest, her breathing uneven. Was she still scared? Didn't she realize what was happening? "Faster on those locks," I ordered, trying to keep my tone even so she wasn't scared. Iron Bull moved to the next lock.

"They figured out the demon," he told me, gesturing to the locks. "More locks than usual. I'll be surprised if she has her tongue."

What? Tongue? I felt anxious to get her out of here, away from the torture she endured. Bloody hell, she probably thought she was going to die here. I kissed her hair again, closing my eyes and fighting the anger. She needed to get away from here. Away from the place that strikes fear in her. Away from the place that will haunt her dreams for years to come. Away from the lyrium that she will, without a doubt, crave. "Hurry," I commanded, glancing toward the hall, hearing steps echoing down the hallway.

"There," he told me, and I pushed the chains off her that held her in place. Bull helped me, making the task faster. "Don't want to alarm you, Commander, but either that is our crew or Arishok."

"Then we better hurry out of here before it gets bad," I replied, scooping Kassy into my arms, she leaned her head against my chest and I kept a sword in a hand, just in case. We were running down the hall as we heard the clashing of swords. Iron Bull whistled, and we saw Hawke, Dorian, and Zevran running back toward us. Dorian was sending spells everywhere, creating purple and black flashes. Hawke had a couple cuts on his arm as he performed some spells as well, the lightening blinding as he sent it toward his target. Zevran rolled and cut the ankles of a Qunari, making it fall to the ground.

"They alerted the Arishok," Zevran called to us, glancing briefly at Kassy, pity in his eyes. He spun quick, landing a blow at the Qunari. "Might need some help," he called to us. Iron Bull headed forward and Dorian sent another spell that lit the hall. A dagger flew past me, swiping my arm. I swore under my breath, the cut deeper than I first thought as it struggled to keep Kassy up.

"Hawke," I called out and he glanced my way. "Take her and find Anders. Get her to camp, we'll be right behind you."

Hawke gave me a confused look and sent out another spell before heading toward me. He carefully took Kassy from me and took in my wound. "That looks pretty serious, Curly."

"I'll survive. Now go. Get her out of here," I commanded, adjusting my sword in my hand and heading toward the fight. "Go!" I shouted to him, watching him really see Kassy for the first time. He jumped and gave a nod before running, holding Kassy firmly in his arms. I felt anxious, watching her leave, only just getting her back. She'd be fine with Hawke. She'll be fine.

"It's me old friend!" Zevran called out. "Ah, I see you have rose in status. Congratulations!"

The elf was going to try to charm his way out of this? Honestly, we just needed to get out of here, not chum it up with the Arishok. "Zevran, you have no idea what you have done. Give Saarebas back to us," Arishok growled.

The Arishok was nothing like the last one in Kirkwall. He was hornless and more fierce. The last Arishok made me think he could understand and make deals. Ones he would keep. This one…the way he talked, I could tell he wasn't true to his word if it went against the Qun. Zevran was backing toward us, the rest of us with weapons ready. "We quick wound the Arishok. Don't kill, we don't want a war against the Inquisition for killing the Arishok. Then head out as fast as we can, lose ourselves on the path back to our camp," I whispered to them. "Don't leave any able to run after us."

I saw heads nod as the Arishok yelled at us, his accent heavy enough that I couldn't make out what he was saying. "Now," I told them and we quickly rushed the Quns, the need to get back to Kassy fueling me.

The fighting went by slow and fast at the same time. I saw the spells from Dorian fill the hall with bright purple flashes and heard Iron Bull's yells as he swung his sword. I felt the flesh of the elf Qunari give to my blade and saw the surprise as his eyes landed on me. As I pulled the sword from him, I saw Zevran jumping toward a Qunari, his daggers slicing the throat. Arishok was fighting Iron Bull and I knew that we had to get out of here before more recruits came in. I readjusted my sword and headed toward the Arishok, aiming for his legs. Immobilize him that way. One leg.

"Bull, grab the mage and get going," I ordered, knowing to be careful with names. "Before more come." I swung at Arishok and Bull glanced at me uncertain, his eyes going to my wound.

"I don't-," he began. "Now!" I interrupted, my sword going for his left leg. Bull began to back away and headed toward Dorian who was bent over, a hand to his stomach. I couldn't glance for long, knowing the Arishok fought dirty.

I took in the one that made Kassy's life hell for the past few months. The one that broke her. The one that stitched her and brainwashed her. The one that had her searching the Fade for help. The one that made her addicted to lyrium. The one that tortured her. I hated Arishok. I hated the Qun. I wanted to put him through the torture and fucking bloody mind warping that he did to Kassy. "You can't have her," I growled at him as he took a swing at me.

"She's apart of the Qun. She fights for us. She'll turn against you," Arishok told me. I felt the anger in me, knowing he probably said the same words to her while he beat her. Did unimaginable things as she was chained to that wall. What did he do? How far did he go?

"She's a storm to be reckoned with," I said in a low voice, remembering the words that she used to mutter to herself when she stared out a window. I took another swing at him, and he blocked it, his eyes locking with mine.

"The storm faded," he replied and he shouldered me, making me stagger to the ground, my sword falling from my hand. I grunted in pain and reached out to grab the sword as I felt him looming over me. My fingers were on the hilt and I curled them, gripping it tight. I saw the flash of silver and I glanced up, bringing my sword to defend myself, but there was no clanging of steel. Just complete surprise in the Arishok's eyes as he glanced down.

Zevran side stepped as the Arishok fell to his knees. I managed to get to my knees as I looked between the two of them. "I'm sorry friend," Zevran said softly to Arishok before pulling me up.

"Zevran," he growled, a hand going to his back.

"My name uttered from lips in all corners of Thedas," Zevran replied, focusing on me. "Move."

I glanced behind my shoulder at Arishok as he glared at us, his blood starting to show on the floor around him. Zevran led the way from the keep, his face determined and unreadable. A man who trained with the Crows understands how to keep emotions from a fight. I forgot he has had such intense training. Maybe the elf wasn't so bad after all.

We ran as fast as we could, keeping an eye out for extra recruits. Kassy. Soon I'll be with her again. I needed to hold her again, feel her breathing. Help heal her. Maker, I'm never letting that woman out of my sight again. I felt relief at seeing the door that led to our secret passage in. Zevran pushed it open, seeing the hatch open in the back of the room. "Let's go," I told him. Kassy, here I come.

Our return trip was fast, and we both loosened up as we got further down our trek to the camp. I glanced over at Zevran from the corner of my eye, wrapping a cloth around my arm. "Thank you for what you did back there. Must not have been easy, seeing he was your friend."

Zevran met my eyes and he gave a slight nod. "We have both changed since we traveled with the Hero of Fereldan."

I gave a nod of understanding, not knowing what else to say. "Still, thank you." I grabbed the end of the cloth with my teeth, pulling the knot tight. We were almost there. Almost back to Kassy. We escaped the Qunari and rescued Kassy. I needed to see her. Know the extent of the damage done to her. I wish I could have killed the Arishok. Zevran was giving me side long glances and I raised an eyebrow at him. "What?"

Zevran shook his head and glanced down at my bandaged arm. "I was just thinking that you seem nervous about seeing her. Or am I wrong?"

I sighed, glancing over at him, my pace quickening. "Anxious is a better word."

Zevran gave me a sympathetic look, his attention going back to the path ahead of us. "Not to worry, Commander. You will be seeing her soon."

Our jogging turned into a brisk run as we got to the camp, and I felt my heart pounding in my chest. I saw Iron Bull, dragging Dorian into a tent, the Tevinter barely walking. I hurried over, peering into the tent, knowing that I needed to check in on him, but wanting to get to Kassy. They both looked up as I moved the flap and Dorian gave a weak smile. "How bad?" I asked him.

"Nothing that the Commander needs to worry about. Rest is all I need. Nothing can keep my wonderment down for long," Dorian told me, holding his waist.

Iron Bull glanced down at Dorian and back at me. "He's not the one you should be worried about," Bull told me. "Go to her."

I didn't need to be told twice. I tore away from the two of them, seeing Hawke and Anders near a tent, Varric watching. I sprinted to the two of them, noticing Kassy was now out of the chains. "Anders," I called as I got to them. "How is she?"

Anders didn't even glance at me as he threw the last chain away. "Haven't really looked at her yet. We just got her out of her chains." Hawke looked at me, Kassy leaning against his chest. I felt a complete need to take over, fighting the urge to hold her. My own need took over and I kneeled in front of her, her mask still on. I slowly reached out to take off her mask, seeing her breathing increase. I took in her outfit, noticing the amount that barely covered her. Her bruises and injuries were very obvious in the light of the fire. It was her mouth that had me the angriest. Silencing her. Making her feel less than worthy of life. A prisoner in her own body.

I lifted the metal mask off her and took in her eyes for the first time in months. They were sunken and she gazed up at me in confusion. As if she didn't quite know if I was real or not. "You're okay," I told her, seeing the fight in her eyes. "Kassy," I breathed, cupping her cheek.

Adkfjkdjflkdjfkdsjf;ldjasf

I knew him. He was familiar. I remember him, barely. Part of my life from way back when. Before I was Saarebas. The way his hand held my face, made me feel safe. Was this a trick? They saved me though. They all seemed….why can't I remember them? I felt the need to go back to the Arishok, but I pushed it away. I was so tired. Every muscle hurting since being unchained. I blinked a few times, not used to the freedom of vision. I knew that man in front of me. The scar that twitched. The gold eyes.

My vision was still going in and out from the dizziness. I knew these people. Knew the person touching my forehead. Knew the man with the red stripe that was speaking to the mage. A mage. Not a Saarebas? No. You knew this. There are people in the world aloud to use their magic without being a weapon for war.

I felt the thumb of the hand move and my eyes went back to his. This man. Cullen. Yes, Cullen. Wait…this…I was….this. Cullen? This was Cullen? Was I dreaming? Am I? This? I stared at him, his eyes concentrating on my face, taking me in. My scars. My stitches. I knew I looked different. Broken. I was. I was supposed to be. I was Saarebas.

Seeing him though. His beard grown from not shaving lately. I liked it. I missed him. I….I. I felt the sob in me and I reached a hand out to him, made difficult from not being able to move them in so long. It was slow and he noticed me reaching out, grabbing my hand and putting it to his lips. I felt the tears fall again and I forced myself to pull myself to him. I felt the sobs build in my chest, begging to be set free but couldn't because of my stitches.

He grabbed me, holding me to his chest, his arms wrapped around me. "It's alright now, love," he whispered into my hair. "Maker's breath, you're safe." I held onto his fur, smelling the familiar scent. This was real. I was safe.

"We should get those stitches out," Anders said. Anders. I turned to the voice and blinked a couple times, feeling myself getting nauseous from all the movement. I saw double of him and leaned my head against Cullen's chest, grateful to see them. I shook my head, knowing how bad the stitches hurt coming out. Especially when they were scabbed on from a day without coming out.

Ander's came toward me, his knife in hand and I felt the panic in me. I held out my hands, scrabbling into Cullen's chest. I shook my head, turning my face into his chest, wanting to disappear. "Hold on, Anders," I heard a voice nearby. "Give her a minute."

I felt Cullen stroking my hair and I took a deep breath. "We have to get the stitches out, love. I…I know you've endured a great deal of pain. Just….just a little bit more and then we can heal you." I glanced up at him, tears in my eyes, vision still blurry. I shook my head, my eyes still filling with even more tears. He wiped the tears from my cheeks and I turned to Anders. I wanted to be free of the stitches but they…were apart of who I was now and I was scared what would happen getting them out. Once out they were always stitched back in. But out I get lyrium, my mind reminded me. I nodded, trying to mentally prepare myself.

Anders glanced over at Hawke and Hawke nodded. Inching toward me slowly, Anders settled himself in front of me. "Garret, start boiling water and grab me a rag. Varric, new clothes." His brown eyes landed on me and he let out a deep sigh, sympathy and guilt in his eyes. "It will hurt a little. Then we will clean you up."

My eyes dodged from him to the knife and back to him. I tried to swallow the panic and gave a small nod, my head starting to hurt from the spinning motion. Without intentionally meaning to, I scooched back against Cullen, and a bit of fear came when I realized I had nowhere else to go. Then Cullen put his hands softly on my upper arms and I leaned back against him, as Anders came forward. I felt the feeling of sickness and the realization that if I got sick, there was no way for it to fully get out of me. I had chills on my arm and my heart was pounding. I saw Anders reach out as my vision went in and out and suddenly black.

Adkfjdaskjf

My mouth burned and my body ached. I took a deep breath, feeling the burn in my lungs. I squeezed my eyes a couple times, before slowly blinking. I felt a cough build in my chest and I tried to sit up to cough but couldn't, my stomach having other ideas. I groaned, closing my eyes again. I felt the cool air in my mouth and I realized my stitches were gone.

Someone squeezed my hand and I felt as if I was rocking on a boat. I moaned again and opened my eyes, squinting them against the light. "Thank Andraste, you're awake," Cullen told me. I felt hair being pushed away from my face and his face came into view. He looked exhausted as my vision focused, seeing his eyes look at me with relief. How long was I out? So, it wasn't a dream?

I felt my eyes move over him, trying to figure out if I was dreaming or not. It felt real, but I didn't know if it was because I was trying to suppress the hellish reality or if I was creating this in the Fade. I should be back in the cell, waiting to serve Arishok. Waiting for my lyrium. Lyrium. No. Stop. Snap out of it! This is real Saarebas. Kassy. Not Saarebas. You no longer have to be Saarebas. Kassy. You are part of the Qun…I mean Inquisition. There was guilt and a sense of wrong when saying that.

"You," I tried to say, my voice barely coming out from my lack of use for months. Seeing him, and then remembering everything that happened. I never thought I would see this man again. That I could…would ever. I felt tears again and the sobs that weren't able to come out earlier, broke free. Cullen's hand cupped my face and he kissed my forehead, before wiping tears away with his thumbs, saying comforting words. I grabbed his wrist and held on, feeling like this was the only way to keep myself here.

"What happened?" Anders asked, his footsteps echoing on the wood. He let out a breath of relief seeing that I was awake, even if I was crying. He grabbed a cloth and wiped my forehead and grabbed some salve to put on my wounds. I glanced at him briefly, the sting from his touch on my wounds making me realize the reality of the situation. You were really with them.

"I think shock," Cullen replied, his hands leaving my face to grab my hand. I closed my eyes at the pain of a wound on my chest and arm. I returned my stare to Cullen, taking this man in. So, the Fade with Solas? It was real. Was Nightmare real? Or was he still there? Wouldn't he have come out to torture me by now if he wasn't gone? What game is he playing? No time to think about that. Focus on this man. This man who came to wherever I was to find me. Save me.

"Cullen," I breathed, reaching a hand up to touch his face. I felt my chest fill with so many emotions at seeing him. He brought my hand to his lips and he looked as if he might cry myself. "I-I'm so sorry," I told him, my voice scratchy. Anders finished putting his supplies away and glanced between the two of us, seeming rather uncomfortable. He got up slowly, probably feeling that this was a moment not meant for spectators.

Cullen shook his head, a hand on my face again, stroking it, the other still holding my hand. "I don't blame you for anything. What is there to forgive?"

I couldn't be let off the hook so easily. "But I-."

Cullen shushed me, and I obeyed, not knowing what to say or do. Not that I could do much. "I have you back and that is the most important thing." He glanced down at my hand and licked his lips before looking back into my eyes. His voice shook when he spoke. "I…I never felt so…desperate before. I couldn't imagine life without you Kassy. Even when you don't exist, I'm always going to be in love with you. Your smile." He gently touched my lips. "Your laugh. Voice. Touch." I listened, tears once again falling. I felt myself start to recoil but I told it to go away. That the old Kassy needed to take over. "The memories of you."

I stared at him confused. How do I respond to that? What would the old me say? I couldn't remember that girl. The carefree girl. The girl who went through what she thought was a nightmare. I could laugh at those times. Here I was, a man I know I love desperately telling me that he will always love me and doesn't want to live without me and I am just…dead inside. I saw what hell could be. I endured worse stories than what the mages in circles endured. They were a prisoner in a tower. I was a fucking prisoner in my own head, who still doesn't quite know if I have the freedom to be…alive. An actual person, or a weapon of war. Cullen didn't deserve this.

The relief at seeing him and the happiness suddenly evaporated and I was left….empty. Was it that I felt guilty for leaving? That I didn't deserve to be rescued? Stop. Don't be this person. The person that people are annoyed with when they are faced with a dilemma. I hated this. Hate. At least I felt that. If only I could channel it at what deserved it.

"I shouldn't have asked Solas for help," I whispered to him, knowing that it was the truth. "I put you and the Inquisition in danger. I..I," I stopped to cough, my chest not used to using so much breath to talk. The weird things your body does when it hasn't been used in a while. "Don't tell me I'm wrong, Cullen. I…I don't deserve you. Or this."

Cullen shook his head, confusion in his eyes. His voice was strong with passion as he spoke, determined to make me see. "This is the Qun talking. You deserve everything life offers." I looked away, and he squeezed my hand. "You are Captain King, and you are a force to be reckoned with." Those words. They reminded me of something. What? Not what. Who. As soon as the memory of my dad telling me those words hit me, I glanced back at Cullen. "I understand how after going through what you went through, you would feel the need to push people away. You can't push me away. I'm not going anywhere. Okay? I love you. I'm here."

I nodded, swallowing back my doubts. I can fix this. I can be unbroken, right? Or less broken? I felt another round of coughing coming and I laid back into my pillows, my chest hurting from the force of the cough. Cullen helped adjust me, concern written on his face. I caught a glimpse of waves through a window and I glanced around. We weren't in a normal room. This was…a captain's quarters? Were we on a boat? "A boat?"

Cullen glanced around and he gave a nod, smiling slightly. "Feel like home?"

Home? I raised my eyebrows, wondering what he meant. Didn't I tell him I wasn't a real captain? The way those gold eyes stared at me, made me remember where home was. How corny, but after everything that happened, I didn't mind corny. "You're my home."

Golden eyebrows raised as his smile lit his face for a second, before he brought me gently to his chest, holding me firmly. I wrapped my arms around him, grabbing onto his shirt, my face buried into his chest. I missed the smell of him. The feeling of safety when he held me. I could do this. I could come back out of this fog. He's my person. My home. What I fought so hard to get back to.

"There are no words to tell you how worried I was. How desperate I was to find you." He took a deep breath and his hand went into my hair, holding me closer. "Hearing that you were…that you." He cleared his throat. "Promise me that you won't intentionally leave me again? No matter how much danger you think you are putting us in."

Tilting my head back, I looked up at him, locking eyes. I reached a hand to his face, my eyes devouring every inch of him, lingering on the scar. "I promise," I told him, meaning it. I suddenly realized that I wasn't dirty anymore and I smelled like I've been washed. I glanced down at my clothing, seeing it was a man's shirt. "I'm clean?" I wondered aloud.

Cullen chuckled and tucked some hair behind my ear. "I love you," he whispered. I gave a tentative smile back at him. I was starting to feel tired again and I coughed, my chest hurting from the force of it. Cullen's smile disappeared, and he laid me down gently, stroking my hair from my forehead. "I'll fetch Anders so he can help you with your pain. And don't try arguing about how you don't have any. I know you too well."

I tried to smile, but it hurt when I did so. The stitches were going to haunt me the rest of my life. The day I saw those scars in the mirror, I will be a total mess. I just know it. My eyes were getting heavy as I waited for Anders, but I fought it, trying to stay away from the nightmares that will inevitable creep into my dreams. This was a battle that I was going to lose, as my eyes closed in defiance.

Asdfkasdfja

"She is slowly making progress, physically," Anders spoke softly, thinking I couldn't hear him. "Mentally, she is…well, she will need time."

"You don't give her enough credit," Cullen replied, defending me. "Maybe some fresh air. Seeing the others. That should boost her mood."

"Is that wise?" Anders asked hesitantly. "She needs rest and quiet."

"I'd like air," I told them, my voice still odd sounding after the months of silence. Both of them quickly turned to me, their faces surprised that I was listening. Cullen's soft smile was relieved again and Anders studied me.

"I don't know if that is what you need," Anders told me. "Especially since…" He went quiet, staring at me. "We need to talk."

I tried to rearrange myself on the bed, sitting up, thinking that this wasn't going to be a casual conversation. Cullen came to me, helping me sit up, arranging pillows behind me. He sat in the chair next to the bed, glancing back at Anders.

Anders came to the bed, glancing down at me. "You've been out for another two days." I glanced at him confused. Two days? I just closed my eyes. "Kassy, I know this will be difficult to remember and relive, but, can tell me how much lyrium they were giving you?"

I felt the terror at thinking about how the lyrium process went. Food, water, lyrium, abuse. I blinked a couple times, trying to clear my head and think. Cullen grabbed my hand, giving it a squeeze. "I know it's difficult love. We understand if you don't-."

"I…," I glanced over at him, seeing the understanding in his eyes. He knew how difficult it is to relive these type of memories. The ones including torture. I swallowed and turned back Anders, shaking my head. "I don't know how much a dose of lyrium was. Those times…the lyrium times." I licked my lips, looking down at my hand that was playing with the blanket in anxiousness. "It was always the same time every day. He usually had it…umm…it was in vials." I closed my eyes, the memories clear as if I was there again. The blue shining in the clear vials. I opened them again and felt the shakiness in my voice. I searched the cabin, landing on a medium sized vial of clear liquid. "Like that," I told Anders gesturing to it.

Anders went to where I was gesturing, picking up the vial. "This large?" He asked me, and he shared a look with Cullen. I watched the silent exchange, suddenly scared. Cullen seemed furious as he looked at the vial and he glanced down at me. "This was daily?" He asked, and I nodded. "For how long?"

"I…I don't know. A week or so after I got there? Time wasn't really a thing when I was there." I took a deep breath, trying to keep away the fear. "A couple weeks before you came, Sten doubled it."

Anders froze and he put a hand to his forehead before glancing at Cullen. "I understand now." His brown eyes turned to me. "Kassy, your body has been having severe withdrawals, sending you into a sleep." My brows furrowed and I glanced between the two of them in confusion. "Your mind doesn't want to experience the amount of pain from the withdrawal, so it sends you to sleep so you don't remember or feel the attacks."

"I don't understand," I told him. "Isn't that a good thing?" Rather be passed out then feeling what Cullen does during his withdrawals. Wait, did he say I was out for a couple days? I was that bad? How much lyrium was too much? Lyrium. The thought of it had me craving. I took a deep breath, trying to focus. Don't think about how much you want it.

"You were having seizures and talking incoherently," he began to explain. He moved a bit closer, making me feel as if I should be very concerned. Not that seizures weren't a bad thing, but…I've had worse. "The withdrawal time have been getting longer. First it was hours. Then days. It could be a week next."

I stared at him in confusion. "What are you saying exactly Anders? Get to the point." I was short tempered and tired again.

"Well, to be to the point, you either can take lyrium or not. What do you want?" He shared a look with Cullen and then focused on me. Keep taking lyrium? That's a possibility?

"Do we even have any?" I asked, my voice hopeful and I didn't care. My body craved it. Called to it. I felt my blood sing at the mention of taking it. Having it touch my lips. How long has it been since I've had it?

"There is a potential to get some," Cullen confirmed, briefly glancing at Anders. Anders studied my face, his arms crossing.

"Kassy, the amount of lyrium they have been giving you, could be deadly if you continue to take that amount. Your body will crave it with even the slightest amount. To satisfy it, you will need the normal dosage." He took a breath. "Breaking the habit is the best idea. It will be hard, and potentially deadly, but is the better option."

I knew he was right, but the lyrium called to me. I shook my head and looked away from him. "So, I could die in both scenarios?" Anders nodded. I turned to look at Cullen, his eyes reading me. He sighed, looking down at our hands, shaking his head.

"Can we have some privacy?" Cullen asked, and Anders nodded leaving the room. Cullen stood running his hand through his hair. "I know the position you are in. The call of lyrium. The way you feel after being denied it for so long." He glanced at me and his eyes were haunted. "I remember the blood mages denying me it." I knew this. I knew he understood the agony of being denied lyrium. "I've seen what lyrium does to people. Powerful. Fulfilled." He focused on me. "The decision to stop taking lyrium wasn't easy. Every day is a struggle and sometimes…well, you have witnessed the effects of withdrawals." He gripped my hand tighter and brought it closer to him. "I will be there for every attack you have if you choose to stay away from it."

Thoughts flew around my mind as he talked, and the biggest one was there might be some lyrium on this boat. The beast in me wanted to get my hands on some so badly. I glanced up at Cullen, feeling confusion at everything. "I want to do what I know is best, and not drink it. To cut off the hold they put on me." I blinked back some tears as I turned my eyes down to my hand, picking at the blanket. I knew that this was going to be a hard choice and I wasn't completely set in it, doubt in the back of my mind. "What if I can't be as strong as you? What if I…I give in to the lyrium?" My voice cracked and was quiet.

Cullen's reaction was shocked. He put a hand on my chin, leveling my eyes with his. "You are one of the strongest people I've met. You've survived the Fade, a demon, and the Qun." His tone was insistent. "Kassandra King, you are a force to be reckoned with."

I blinked a couple times, taking in what he said. I hesitantly sat up more and slowly leaned toward him, a hand going to his face. I gently pressed my lips to his and I felt the spark hit that happened the first time we kissed. The connection between the two of us. It lit a fire in me. A flame to help fuel the fire to keep living and put what I could back together. To trust the others when they say they want to help me. To figure out how to feel again. This kiss was a start to that. A big start.

I could tell Cullen was restraining himself from pulling me in and I broke the kiss, leaning my forehead against his. "I missed you. So much," I whispered. Cullen's relieved grin made my stomach flutter. We sat for a minute in comfortable silence before I felt the boat sway from a wave. "Help me with some fresh air?"

Cullen nodded, leaving me to grab some clothing from a trunk. I threw back the blanket feeling the air hit my bare legs. I tentatively moved my legs to the side of the bed with effort. Then slowly, I carefully put weight on my legs, hoping that they would stand the weight. I let out an exclamation as I fell, landing on my butt.

"Kassy," Cullen said, going over to help me up. He sat me on the edge of the bed, checking me over to make sure I was alright. "Are you alright?" He continued to search me. I nodded and he sighed, grabbing the clothes next to him. He helped me put on my pants and boots, before throwing a coat on me. The coat seemed like one I've seen Hawke wear and I wondered if it was from Kirkwall. Hawke. I should talk to him. I remember him holding me, carrying me back to the safety of the camp.

Cullen held out his arm and had me balance on it, letting me try to walk myself. I felt grateful for this, knowing that he knew me well enough to know that I wanted to use my muscles. It was a slow process to the door, but I smiled at him in triumph as he opened the door.

The sea air hit my face and I inhaled it, closing my eyes, filling my lungs. I moved a foot forward and opened my eyes, taking in the scene before me. Men were scrambling on deck fulfilling tasks and I spotted Hawke and Anders talking by the railing. I saw some crates next to the railing and I saw Varric near it, writing. That was where I wanted to be. Quiet and peaceful.

"By Varric," I told Cullen and he started heading toward there, making sure he wasn't going too fast for me. It was a struggle walking so far, and I was getting out of breath. I took walking for granted before. Anders glanced over at us, and Hawke followed Anders' gaze, smiling at me once he saw me walking. I gripped Cullen's arm harder and fell onto the crate, amazed at the energy it took to get there.

"Curly," Hawke called and Cullen glanced down at me.

"I'll be fine," I told him, giving his arm a squeeze. "Honestly," I assured him, nodding my head toward Hawke.

"I'll be back," he informed me, glancing over his shoulder at me as he walked away. I glanced over the railing at the sea, letting the mist hit my face lightly. I never have been on a ship like this, but it's exactly what I've dreamed of. I pictured me in a captain hat and coat, shouting orders.

I was this far away. Enough for them to have to find a boat. How did they find a boat? Who else came with Cullen and Hawke to save me? Obviously, Anders and Varric. I glanced over at Varric, who was glancing up from his writing at me. I met his eyes and he seemed to understand me without having to say a word.

"Glad to see you up, Prophet," Varric told me. His eyes focused on my lips and I knew he was looking at my scars. I felt self-conscious about them, knowing they would mark me forever.

"Thanks to you guys," I retorted, glancing at his writing. "New book?"

Varric glanced down at his paper, smiling up at me. "Thought that everything we have been through since you came here, should be written down."

"Like your book about Hawke? So, we are all in it?" I asked him, wondering what the story would be through Varric's eyes.

"Even a saucy feisty, well-endowed pirate captain?" A woman with brown hair and low-cut shirt stood behind Varric, looking at Varric's paper over his shoulder. "People always love when characters return in sequels."

Wait…pirate captain? I ran through the characters from the game. I knew in Origins there was that pirate that came to the inn and wanted to sleep with Alistair. What was her name…didn't Sarah say she was in Dragon Age II? I searched my brain and studied her, taking her in. She seemed fun. She seemed like the person I would want to be. She is what I based my characters on. Isabela! That's her name.

"Don't worry, Rivaini. You'll be mentioned." Varric grinned at her, setting down his pen. His eyes darted to me quickly before looking over at me. "Prophet here is a captain as well."

Isabela took me in, her eyes filled with pity, probably knowing my situation. "Captain? Hawke failed to mention that when asking for my help. Not that I wouldn't do anything for that man…or with that man." She smiled at me, her hands going to her hips. "You are different than I expected."

I raised an eyebrow at her. "Sorry," I apologized quietly, feeling shy in front of her. This was the woman that has stood up to the Arishok and did something to piss him off. That's all I remember Sarah telling me.

"Sorry?" Isabela asked, laughing. "I thought the last Arishok was a bastard, who knew the new one was more brutal? Anyone that survived that deserves respect and other things."

I hardened up, staring at her. I didn't want to think about Sten. I didn't want to think about everything that happened. Relive it again. "I'll have to take your word on it," I replied, glancing up at the upper deck of the boat, spotting Dorian.

Dorian smiled at me, his grin big and relieved. I felt myself start to hyperventilate as I saw the big Qunari next to him. I gripped the railing, fear going into my chest. They found me. "I'm Saarebas," I whispered, and my eyes met his. He smiled at me and I felt a chill down my spine.

"Prophet," Varric said sharply. I felt a hand on my shoulder and I glanced over, seeing Hawke.

"It's only Iron Bull," he assured me, placing the other hand on my other shoulder. "He's a friend. He won't hurt you. Remember." I felt tears in my eyes, but I nodded, remembering Bull. I felt embarrassed at my reaction and guilty, I wiped an eye and Hawke turned to Varric. "Why don't you and Isabela get Dorian? I know he's been anxious to see her," Hawke said.

Hawke focused on me. "Hey Captain," he said softly. I glanced up at him, embarrassed. "I would have reacted the same way."

"I react to him that way all the time," Zevran assured me and I glanced over to see him. Zevran was there. Did he see Sten?

I held his eyes. "You came even though you knew it was Sten?" I asked, my heart filling.

"You are my friend, no?" He replied and glanced down at the crate and back at me. "Sten and I used to be friends, but…he has changed. Or maybe it was I that changed. Either way, we aren't like how we used to be."

"Thank you," I whispered to him, then turned to Hawke. "Both of you."

I heard someone clear their throat and Dorian stood there, his eyes filling with relieved tears. My own started to tear up and the other two knew that they would have their time later. "Did you get better looking since I left?"

"I stay equally as attractive with every day. You however, could use some work." He sat on the crate next to me, giving a slight smile.

"I'm sorry," I told him, not knowing where to begin. "I...you…"

"Say no more. All is forgiven." He assessed me, taking me all in. "He went crazy looking for you. We all did." I focused on my hands, playing with my fingers. "I'm not even going to bother asking if you are alright. I know you aren't. Did you want to talk about it?" I shook my head. "What about sing? I know you are partial to it."

I glanced up at him, not even knowing where to begin. I was numb to knowing what to talk about. I was…singing? There wasn't a song that came into my head and we both sat, looking at the sea. The silence wasn't uncomfortable and I felt his occasional glances, knowing he deserved something from me.

"I hurt myself today. To see if I still feel. I focus on the pain. The only thing that's real. The needle tears a hole. The old familiar sting. Try to kill it all away. But I remember everything. What have I become? My sweetest friend." Dorian turned to me with sadness in his eyes. "Everyone I know goes away, in the end. And you could have it all. My empire of dirt. I will let you down. I will make you hurt."

I felt tears falling from onto my cheeks as I softly sang, focusing on the sea. "I wear this crown of thorns. Upon my liar's chair. Full of broken thoughts, I cannot repair." I ran a hand through my hair, closing my eyes. "Beneath the stains of time. The feelings disappear. You are someone else. I am still right here. What have I become? My sweetest friend. Everyone I know goes away, in the end. And you could have it all. My empire of dirt. I will let you down. I will make you hurt." My voice started to fade as I got closer to the end, not used to the strain on my vocals like this. "If I could start again, a million miles away. I would keep myself, I would find a way."

Dorian reached over and patted my hand before glancing back at the ocean. Neither of us needing words, knowing exactly what the other was thinking. The boat swayed, and I got lost in my thoughts and memories, thinking on how I could start picking up the pieces. You are Captain King. You are Saarebas. You are strong. Maker's breath, help me be strong.