I do not own any characters. They all belong to sweet sweet Bioware. I'm baaack! You have requested and I have found those requests….worthy. Hello all! Sorry I've been gone so long…but hey I finished school and can use that new degree to….write fanfic I guess! Love to my beta reader Eruya! Thank you for all the follows and the reviews! Hope you enjoy this chapter! Rated M for language and lemons.

Chapter 26

In life, there are moments that people look back on and go, why was I ever so worried about that? Moments that once shared, seemed to make life seem a bit easier. Moments that define the path that a person takes for the rest of their existence. In the moment though, right before it is about to happen, you feel panicked. You feel like this might be one of the stupidest decisions you have made. You worry about how the person will react and if it will change everything you have with them up to that point. I knew this was that time.

My stomach was twisting, and I felt my thoughts fly around fast, scrambling to find a way to figure out how to tell Cullen. How to describe what exactly I wanted to say. The nervousness in me was growing and in the back of my mind, I heard a tiny voice telling me that I just had to stop thinking about it so much and just talk. Like everything else, I just had to be genuine me. I was so certain about this just a few minutes ago, why was I so nervous now? What changed?

Then it hit me. What if after this realization I find out some epiphany I didn't want to know? Like I was just dreaming all this up? It wasn't that farfetched. I had a highly active imagination, and I could honestly see myself using a story like this to help cope through some big trauma while in a coma. But this was all to real to be that. I refused to think that everything I've been through is fake. The constant wondering of if this world was reality or not was gnawing on my mind ever since I arrived in Thedas and there was just no way of knowing. It would have to be belief that this was real and god damnit, I wasn't going to give this world up. I've been through too fucking much to not believe this wasn't real. And even if it wasn't, I would miss this world that my mind created. There had to be more to this.

No Kassy. Stop. You are doing it again. You are letting your anxieties get to you. You are finding issues where you don't need to. Did it matter if this was real? No. This is where you are now, so this is your reality. Simple as that. Giving a side long look at Cullen, I knew that I wouldn't have it any other way. Even if I was Saarebas. No. Kassy. You are Kassy King. I felt the frustration at the easy intrusion. When would that get fixed? Never, a voice told me in my mind. I felt the tightness in my chest, and I sat there my eyes not focusing on what they were looking at.

Was Nightmare back, or was that just me? You'll never know, it whispered. Focus Kassy. A voice took me back to where I was, and I left my head. I glanced into whiskey eyes, feeling a bit confused as I came back to the bedroom.

"Love?" Cullen asked as he grabbed my hand. Concern was there again, and his forehead crinkled with worry. He reached out and grabbed my hand, his eyes trying to read me. Wondering what exactly I was going to tell him. What revelation did I have in store for the Commander today?

I licked my lips, remembering the dots once again. My fingers subconsciously went to them, tracing the patterns that were grooved into my skin. I didn't know where to start. I just knew I had to tell him something. I took my hand away and pulled off my gloves before reaching over to do the same for him. I wanted to feel his skin, knowing his touch always brought a bit of a peace with it.

Speak, I told myself. I took a deep breath and blue eyes met gold. "I know that you are getting frustrated with me," I began, and I saw a look of surprise come to his face before it became upset. "And I don't think you even realize it," I continued. My hand went out to touch his cheek. "Not at me and the situation but with my knowledge here." I licked my lips and let my hand drop. "It's just a very messy and complicated thing."

Cullen seemed to be trying to follow with where I was going with this before the realization of what I was saying hit. He adjusted himself to move closer to me, our legs touching. He remained silent though, waiting for me to continue, the Commander in him coming through, though I knew he wanted to speak. I was grateful for that. "I told you before I'm not from here." My eyes went to the slits that served as windows in my room. I saw snow starting to fall softly and I remembered snow at home. The beginning of the holiday season. A time of joy.

A hand cupped my chin and turned it away from the light that was claiming my attention. I felt the lump in my throat as I swallowed, my eyes focusing on his features. He seemed to look right into me. Into those stupid cheesy depths of my soul that I used to roll my eyes about. His eyes roamed my face, taking in every feature before he leaned in to kiss me gently. I closed my eyes as his lips took mine and felt myself start to lean into him, melting into the strength that was Cullen.

He broke the kiss, his hand moving to my cheek. "Then don't say anything," he declared softly. I felt the confusion on my face and knew he saw it.

"Not say anything?" I asked him, wondering where this was going. "What do you mean? Why wouldn't I-."

He silenced me with his thumb to my lips and his eyes turned serious. The depth of love showed there, and he seemed to want me to really listen to what he was saying. That his words weren't wasted on me. "If it is too complicated to explain, then don't. It doesn't matter. You being here with me," he trailed off as he brushed my cheek with his thumb. "That's what matters, Love. You matter to me."

I felt the tears come to my eyes and I knew right then and there that he was my person. My world. My greatest love I would ever have. That in a world of such darkness and fear, there was this light that kept me going, even when it was faint. In the chains, him. In the Fade, him. It was just him. He wiped a couple tears before worry came to his face as the tears came down. I felt the sob in my chest, and I couldn't explain why I felt that need to just….well…cry. Come on King. Be strong. "I love you," I whispered to him, grabbing the hand on my face and leaning into it.

His lips quirked up slightly at that and he put his forehead against mine. "You don't have to be brave all the time." Somehow, with those words, the wall I kept up that barred away the worst memories fell. I felt the horror and the trauma I've been bottling up, escape me and I felt my shoulders shake with the cries that came from me. The kind that come from the bottom of your soul. The kind that takes over your whole body. It felt like the whole world must hear the echoes through the mountains. Strong arms instantly embraced me, and I leaned into them, letting the strength soak into me.

To be held like this. How long did I wish to be held like this? I wrapped my arms around him, wanting to pull the safety of him closer. To feel the protection he provided bring me back to the reality of here. I was in Skyhold. I was home. Things were going to be better. I knew that I looked a mess as I looked at Cullen.

Whiskey eyes were assessing me as he smoothed the hair back from my face. He let his thumb trace the scars on my face slowly and I felt the shame sink in. Saarebas didn't deserve him. I grabbed his hand away and pulled it down, very aware of my appearance to this man. Glancing down, I shook my head knowing what I looked like in the mirror. "How can you look at them?" I asked, knowing my insecurities were high when it came to my scars. "How can you look at me still?"

Cullen seemed floored by this question and he shook his head and leaned his head toward me so that our noses almost touched. His hands cupped my face and he locked eyes with me. "You are beautiful, Kassy. Even more so then before." His nose rubbed mine and I gave a small smile. "These scars show me your battles, and you Captain, are a fighter. These scars," he said in a low voice before kissing them softly. "Tell a much greater story than others can imagine. Makers breath, Kassy." His breath was warm as he kissed another scar. "You're beautiful."

If my chest could glow where my heart was, it would be. I couldn't stop the smile that spread across my face and I reached my fingers into his hair and pulled him toward me, kissing him passionately. This was what I really needed to heal. Cullen. I poured my emotions into the kiss and I felt him do the same as he pulled me into his lap. I felt my heart beating faster and I pulled away, grinning softly against his lips. My eyes fluttered to his and there it was. That knowledge. That understanding that with him, I would heal.

"Thank you, Lion." I murmured, my hands still in his curls. His scar twitched before he gave me a half grin. I let the wall that was still there fall and I knew he could see it tumble away by the relief that came to his eyes. Hesitantly, I reached for the buckle of his straps on his chest plate and he glanced down at my fingers before they reached my face.

"Love, are you sure you are-," he began before I quickly captured his mouth with mine. Though my body was weak, I knew that I needed him. I knew that I was gaining strength every day, and if I got too tired because I was making love to Cullen and couldn't move the rest of the day, it would be worth it.

"Please Cullen?" I asked against his lips. I felt his muscles relax as he held me tighter and deepened the kiss, before turning me to lay me on the bed. He broke the kiss to place kisses down my jaw and neck before finding their way to my lips.

He sat up, taking off his armor and placing them gently on the floor beside him. Boots hit the floor last, before his arms were pulling me to him again, holding me against his chest. I thought about what Dorian and Hawke have been telling me, that I would heal in my own way and time. This seemed right. Right now wasn't about the Inquisition. It wasn't about the Qun or reports. It was about the two of us.

I let my hands roam his shoulders as he unbuckled by belt and pushed my mantle off me. Blue fabric fell onto the bed and I felt the chill from the draft coming from the windows. He reached back and pulled off my boots, throwing them to the ground before laying me on my back, hovering over me. His hand was tracing my cheek bone as his eyes filled with complete love. I ran a hand down his chest, feeling the muscles under the fabric. I leaned my head to the right, letting his lips wander my neck as I let out a sigh.

His lips left me to sit me up to pull off my shirt. I grabbed the bottom of his shirt and lifted it before my fingers traveled his abs up to his chest. He sighed as his hands traveled my back. I reached down and unlaced his pants and he laid me down once again to help me out of mine before kicking his off. He grabbed my leg, kissing up it slowly while giving me a sultry grin.

I laughed softly as his lips traveled up me. As he got to my stomach, his whiskey eyes held my blue and he gently kissed the scars that were there. I felt tears of love fill my eyes and I grabbed his face pulling him to me, kissing him passionately.

This was a kiss I'd always remember. A kiss that spoke volumes more than any words could say. Words of fear. Words of hope. Words of love. It was a kiss that held so many unspoken promises and prayers. I wrapped my legs around him as we joined and he held me closer, his head in the crook of my shoulder. I felt his breath by my ear and he said my name huskily and with that name, there was a bit of a plea. I knew we both were feeling that plea. The plea to never leave each other again.

Our lips found each other's again and I felt that familiar build up in me as he moved faster. I let my fingers drag on his back as I held him close, moving to his rhythm. I didn't care that my legs ached from it. I didn't care about anything other than him. His nose nuzzled mine and I reached a hand to his face and let my eyes hold his as I came, my body tensing as I felt the after shake of it. I laughed softly into his neck as he finished, falling on me gently, curls wet with sweat. I let my fingers run through the curls and he moved off me slightly before pulling me onto his chest.

I ran a hand through my hair and glanced up at him, grinning. A lazy grin came to him as he propped an arm behind his head, looking at me. There was a beat of silence before I draped a leg on his and adjusted myself to focus on him better. "I love you," I told him for about the thirtieth time that day. I couldn't help but smile brighter at him, running my hand idly up his chest.

"I love you too," he replied, and I felt his chest rumble with the words. This. This is what was needed today. More than any talking could do. We laid for a bit in the quiet, and I listened to his heartbeat and his steady breathing. I buried my face into his chest more and took a deep breath, breathing him in.

"Hold me close and hold me fast. This magic spell you cast. This is la vie en rose," I sang into the silence, my voice echoing off the walls. "When you kiss me, heaven sighs. And though I close my eyes, I see la vie en rose." I turned to gaze up at him and noticed the emotion in his eyes. He grabbed my hand in his and brought it to his mouth as I continued to sing, a small smile on my lips. "When you press me to your heart. I'm in a world apart. A world where roses bloom. And when you speak, angels sing from above. Everyday words seem to turn into love songs." I felt the emotions bursting to my chest of love for this man. How could I be with anyone else? "Give your heart and soul to me, and life will always be, la vie en rose."

Cullen looked at me and there was a face I never saw before. I didn't know how to read it, but he seemed to leave me briefly before checking back in. I wondered if I looked like that when my thoughts wandered. Most likely. Funny being on the other side. His eyes found mine and he threaded his fingers into my hair and pulled me close for a kiss. I returned it, craving his touch. "La vie en rose," he muttered against my mouth.

I chuckled, content to kiss this man to the ends of my days. There were the sounds of people talking outside the door, and I assumed people were going to Cullen's office to leave reports. That was typically what happened. I ignored the voices, sinking into Cullen and his touch as he moved down my neck again. I moaned and he took this encouragement and headed to my chest having seemed to have missed it the first time. I ran my fingers through his hair, arching my back as he took a nipple into his mouth.

The door handle jiggled before it opened and Branwen's voice came through. "-the opinion of Captain before the final decision. Captain I was wondering-. Oh!" Branwen's face held absolute surprise before she just had a grin and turned her back respectfully. Leliana however just raised an eyebrow and chuckled.

Cullen and I froze, not expecting the intrusion, especially by the Inquisitor. After a moment, we both moved into action, Cullen grabbing the blanket to throw over ourselves. His cheeks were red, and he avoided Branwen's eyes as he moved to my side so that he had more covered. I pulled the blanket to cover me, sitting up to look at her. "You-uh. You wanted me?" I asked her casually, fully aware just how pink my cheeks were. I ran a hand through my hair to get it out of my face, glancing briefly at Cullen before focusing on Branwen. Did that come out flustered? Of course, it probably did. You just got caught by the Inquisitor. How high school.

Leliana let out a laugh and glanced at Branwen. "Seems like it's the Commander that wants her more, wouldn't you say Inquisitor?"

Branwen turned to her and her eyes were filled with mischief and amusement. Of course, this would happen to me. "So, it seems Leliana. I wasn't aware that our Captain had company."

I didn't have to look at Cullen to know that his eyes were rolling. Mostly I could tell from the annoyed sigh he gave. "Perhaps we should let the dear Commander finish up before we approach Kassy with our concerns at all." Leliana didn't hold back on the teasing as her eyes met Cullen's and they held only pleasure and delight from this whole ordeal.

"Yes, please leave," Cullen told Leliana in an irritated voice. She just leaned against the doorway, crossing her arms.

Branwen didn't hold back her laughter as she took in her advisors eyeing each other down. "Alright you two," she addressed them, shaking her head but still smiling. "Captain, if you are feeling up to it, I would like a word with you. I understand if you, well, if you aren't able to do so." Pale blue eyes seemed to speak even more than her words said and I knew I would have to have this talk with Branwen.

Returning the look, I nodded and took a deep breath. "Of course, Inquisitor," I said automatically, used to this reply when talking to her.

She shook her head and started to take a step forward but stopped herself. "Branwen," she told me as she turned to head out the door. "This conversation will be held between Kassy and Branwen." Blonde hair disappeared as she walked out the door and down the rampart. Leliana just gave a smirk at Cullen and I before turning to follow as well, chuckling to herself as she closed the door behind her.

"Maker," Cullen mumbled, laying back into the pillows, his arm covering his face. I could tell that he was embarrassed beyond words. I gave a small laugh and my lips tilted into a soft smile. I let the blanket fall as I went to lay on top of him, kissing his chest and then mouth.

His arm came off his eyes as his hand went to cup my face. "It's not that bad," I muttered against his mouth. Whiskey eyes rolled and I grinned bigger. "Come on, Lion." I adjusted myself to look at him. I traced his face softly before rubbing my nose against his. "It's kinda funny. Admit it."

A change happened then, and his eyes got lighter. He seemed to physically relax more and his teeth showed with his grin. Almost like a relief was granted to him and I raised an eyebrow at him. He just shook his head and tucked some of my hair behind my ear. "Welcome back, Love."

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"You have to understand that it wasn't because I wanted to give up. Its just…well, honestly it is what I had to do. With everything we have to do, as the leader I-." Branwen seemed to be unsure of how to direct the conversation, probably worried about how I would react.

"I understand," I interrupted, adjusting my weight to my other leg. I leaned against the war table, tracing the top of my lute. I glanced at the ground before turning my eyes to her. "I told you to move on. I-." I swallowed hard and took a deep breath. "I never thought you'd be looking for me. I knew what I was risking when I jumped through the rift. It was what I thought I had to do though."

Branwen nodded in understanding before moving a bit closer to me. She reached out and put a hand on my arm before she just moved forward and pulled me in for a hug. Was Branwen hugging me? I admit, I was surprised, not expecting this, but I put my arms around her and held her. I never thought I'd be doing this ever, and yet I should have seen this. In game she was always comforting and witty at the same time. "Let's just forgive each other and move on, alright?"

"Alright," I agreed, holding her. She seemed like a safe place and honestly, I had gotten closer than I realized with her this past year. I don't envy her job. It was hard enough doing it through a video game, let alone in person. "You're a great leader, Branwen. Don't ever doubt it."

Branwen let me go and her eyes were filled with tears that she refused to shed. "There is a lot I could do differently."

I shook my head and tilted it to the side as I assessed her. "Everyone has flaws. You own yours though. You are a leader I am glad to follow." I shifted my feet awkwardly, feeling suddenly shy and nervous. "Honestly, Branwen. I'll follow you wherever you go. I'm not going anywhere again. Elf or human, you are an inspiration to many, and I don't think you even see it."

A tear slipped out and she wiped it away. I admired her in that moment, the way her shoulders stayed back and ready. The way her hair was in its intricate braided hairstyle. How even when crying, she was able to keep this fierce strength that radiated from her. I never realized just how much was on her, and moments like these, it was easy to see. Obviously, my words touched her, but I wish there was more I could say to her.

"Thank you," she whispered, and her light pink lips curved into a grateful smile. "I owe gratitude to you for that though. Without much of your information, we wouldn't have been as successful as we were."

"You would have, just not as quick," I countered, feeling uneasy with praise. I moved my weight to my left leg and pushed back from the table. "Speaking of information, didn't you want me for something?" I was wracking my brains for what part of the story we were at and I couldn't quite remember what big event happened after the ball at the moment. I was hoping that with some conversation it would spark what happened next. What was it? Did Cullen go and figure out the Maddox thing yet?

"Not now," Branwen assured me, noticing my distraction. "We will talk in a bit. I think I will find Solas and-."

"Escape to the Fade for a bit," I finished for her, giving her a teasing smile. Branwen blushed but her eyes got a bit brighter as she shook her head lightly. Her elven marks more prominent right now then before. I felt worried for her, knowing what Solas would end up eventually doing. What if he didn't though? What if her love changes his mind? What if I was able to help change his mind? That it wasn't so black and white. What a Marvel movie story line right now. Solas meet Thanos. Thanos meet Solas.

Though I have never been a huge Solas fan, I am aware of how his…attributes….could sway some ladies hearts. I felt a weird softness though toward Solas since seeing him in the Fade and I couldn't help but want to try to reach him or maybe, understand him more. Though that seemed like a bit of a stretch. However, somewhere in that bald elf soul, there was the want to help. The want to be praised. Maybe not feared so much? How did he earn the name Dread Wolf? Then another realization washed onto me. How many people were gods in disguise, living everyday life with a hidden agenda?

"Exactly," Branwen confirmed before giving me a genuine Branwen smile. "Welcome back, Captain. We've missed you and your songs around here. Take the time you need to heal. I'll speak with you later." With that, the lithe elf turned and walked to the War Room door and disappeared from sight.

I sighed and sat on the edge of the War table glancing around the room. It was almost comforting to be back here. To be with the familiar smell and view of the books and table. To see that life is still happening. Today has been a day of healing for sure and this conversation with Branwen made dealing with Inquisition stuff not as intimidating. Though my body may not be what it used to be and though there were going to be times of doubt, I was Kassy King. And I was a force to be reckoned with.

I felt the negative Saarebas thoughts coming in and I pushed them away. I'd have to start consciously being aware of those if I wanted to really deal with my trauma. I brought my fingers up to touch my scars and remembered the way Cullen kissed them earlier. Not once did he look at me with anything other than love. I let out a small laugh at that and my heart filled with love. You could do this Captain King. You could have a life again.

Feeling a bit more optimistic about my future, I grabbed my lute and headed toward the door. The need to sing was in me and I grinned at myself. Let it go, Kassy. You got this. I needed to focus on what was going to happen next though. What did happen next? This was frustrating. Seeing that Josephine wasn't at her desk, I headed toward the hall, taking a deep breath before entering. Staying close to the side, I slipped toward the garden door, hoping to find some peace there while I thought.

It was freezing when I walked out, and I felt the cold air hit my lungs. I breathed it in gratefully before trekking my way to the bench in the garden. Sitting down, I placed my lute on my lap and glanced around. Things seemed to be different here than in game and I knew that the way events have been played out could affect what is actually going to happen.

Purple caught my eye and I focused on it, suddenly knowing what came next in game. Morrigan stood there in the garden, probably lost in thought like I was. There she was. Mythal's Temple. That is where they needed to go next. I stared at her and almost jumped when she turned toward me, probably feeling my gaze boring into her.

"Is there something you need help with? If not, look on." Her voice dripped with a tinge of emo that only Morrigan could portray. I felt my chest tighten and the fan girl that I thought once left took over.

Maker's breath, let's do a conversation with Morrigan shall we?