Chapter 40

"From that point, I started my Siren journey." Maya stared at the wall with a blank stare. "Before that, I was alive because they wanted to use me as a way to control the planet. So… most of my life I was nothing."

"Woah…" Axton looked shocked and he could feel Maya's tightened grip.

"All my life I was praised like a god, I had no one in my life except only a few people. I don't know who my parents are and never had a friend in my life. You fear me or you control me. And I'm angry about all the things that I did for The Order."

Axton now understood why she was often furious at times and if there was any personal problem, she would run away to her books. "So what do you hate the most about Athenas?"

Maya looked at Axton. A question that she never had thought and if said in some other way, she would never have the openness to answer. She looked down for a moment then glanced back at Axton. "The loneliness."

"The loneliness… I thought you liked to be alone?"

"Books are the only thing I liked back in Athenas." Maya sighed. "I don't talk to anyone most of the time or really know how to have a conversation until I arrive at Pandora."

"That bad huh?"

"Could you imagine that the whole planet knows you yet not a single person wants to talk to you. Every few weeks, I have to sit on a throne and say nothing or say things that The Order wants. Being a god makes you the loneliest person on the planet. At the same time, you can't complain because I get all the things that I need."

Axton separated his hand away from hers then calmed her down by rubbing her back. "There, there… at least it's all over. You can be sad but don't be sad for too long Maya."

"Sometimes I hate the fact that I'm a Siren." Maya looked at her Channels. "At the same time, I'm kind of happy that I'm a Siren. It's so confusing."

"Then you must be happy now." Axton cheered. "I mean you got what you finally want. You met with Red and Kharkov and who's the Siren woman that you are currently learning with."

"Host Akari."

"Yeah and she knows everything about Siren stuff? More than you can ever think of. I mean that is kinda huge!"

"It is." Maya nodded.

"But you don't sound too happy and you don't know why?" Axton toned suddenly lowered.

"And I shouldn't be sad, that's the thing."

"Unless that is not exactly what you want." Axton shrugged. "So is there anything that you didn't tell me yet?"

"That I'm a prophet to my race."

"Hmm.. that is- wait what?!?

Axton looked at Maya and her eyes were melancholic. There was no reason to lie.

"So do Kharkov and Red know about this?"

Maya shook her head. "Aside from Host Akari, you are the first person that knows about this."

"A lot of things that you are telling tonight." Axton overwhelmed the amount of things being said. "You keeping a lot of things inside, how the hell you still sane I'm not quite sure. You don't look so happy about it."

"I know I'm supposed to be happy but that title keeps bothering me. Prophetess Maya." Maya shook her head. "I don't think is any different than being a goddess."

"Look, you're not supposed to feel what you should feel Maya. It's your feelings, at least let it be and feel it. You don't need to over control it if that makes sense."

"I'm not over controlling it." Maya denied. "I just… the responsibility is just bothering me. I'm happy with the role but not the burden you know."

"So what is the burden?" Axton sighed, Maya doing the usual dodging.

"To lead my whole race being what it was. Uniting all the Sirens and make it great like back in the days before I existed. The Siren Society had control of a system called Sirenos Segmentum. It is my responsibility to bring back the greatness of my race."

"Damn." Axton could feel the weight of Maya's obligation.

"And I kind of… it makes me a bit anxious."

Maya had talked about all the things about the Siren race to Axton and the man could not comprehend the complexity of the situation. From Eridian gods to lost multi-planet civilizations that was long gone. Axton heard it all and wanted to say a few things but Maya's denial was a problem. The Commando decided to intervene.

"I think it makes you a lot anxious."

"I mean, it is my destiny." Maya and Axton; gaze connected.

"I wanna say that I appreciate you telling me about all your worries but it looks like you don't want it."

"No, I want it but I need more time to ad-"

"You say it a lot of time doesn't make you like it." Axton bluntly told. "Can you quit?"

"What?" Maya gasped.

"Just asking if you have the option, is not wrong to say that you can't do it."

"Being a Siren is the only reason why I'm here. If I give up now then all the things that I gone through in my life is wasted. I started off trying to find my parents, now is messy but I'm sure that it will be meaningful at the end."

"Look Maya, I'm not attacking you." Axton was getting tired. "I'm just seeing that rather than just being a prophet, why not you just try to find your parents. Isn't that what you truly want?"

"I tried but chances are they're dead. I'm starting to accept that so I think it better for me to move on with this."

"I don't think you really want to do it. Don't lie to me."

"Yes your right, I don't want do it originally but I need to do it."

"Do you really need to do it?"

Maya went quiet. She wanted to say something but was defeated even though Axton never really wanted to attack.

"Passing up this opportunity would be a total loss for me… could you imagine I'm passing a real Siren that knows a lot of things about my race. I know it's heavy with the responsibility and all but I need.. time. When I came to Pandora, nobody knew about the Siren stuff, not even Tannis. So to pass this up would make me go crazy."

"But it's not wrong to be honest with your feelings Maya, you keep denying it, you going places that you don't want to go."

Maya just looked away, trying to not react or say anything. Axton was correct but she felt an inner conflict that she must deal with herself. "I just think it's my fault. I need to learn to just "

"I just don't get it why you seem to be so all over the place." Axton stopped and realized the conversation was getting nowhere. He sighed and shrugged, there was nothing to be mad about her, he understood her position. "I think we should go to sleep. It's already late."

"Did I do something wrong?"

"I got no problem with you. I mean look at the time."

Maya reached his hand and had a worried face. "Please don't. I know there's something that you want to say, just say it."

Axton confronted her and tried his best to be considerate with his words. "You going all over the place Maya and I don't know why you just don't want to tell me about it. Sometimes you say this then you say that, denying whatever you say a few moments ago. You're the best that you ever been Maya, the training you doing is giving good results. But for me, it's sad to see that you just can't even be honest to yourself."

The rain filled Maya's silence.

"The old you might be angry and quiet at times but at least you were honest about what you think. I appreciate that you told me these things but why is it everytime that you come up to me you run away at the same time?" The frustration of Axton's voice was apparent and the man stopped and adjusted his throat. "I don't hate you Maya but please stop hating yourself.

Maya posture was lowered; shoulder down.

Putting one hand on her shoulder, Axton would like to end the conversation. "Maya, you don't have to tell me what you think or how you feel. I don't want you to change your decision because of me. Being a prophet of a race you just learned is heavy. I don't see any difference between you becoming a prophet or a goddess, both of them going to be lonely."

Maya nodded quietly.

Softly he said. "Just please, be honest with your feelings for once. Okay?"

Listening at the end of his advice, it resonated deeply inside Maya's heart. Maya covered her mouth and slowly nodded.

Axton realized there was something different, it was a rare reaction coming from Maya. He was taken aback for a moment but quickly lowered his head to see Maya's face. Reddened eyes and shaken hands, the woman tried to evade eye contact. Knowing she was at the verge of tears, Axton embraced her carefully. One hand was at her head and the other at her back, Axton shushed her like a child with love and care. Maya did not refuse, shyly she put her hands on his chest and covered her face.

"I'm sorry Ax… I'm sorry…" Maya's voice was muffled by his T-shirt.

"Hey it's okay Maya… it's okay." Axton moved his body back and forth, trying to calm her down.

Maya bit her lower lip and stubbornly held her tears back. But the more she denied it,the more tears flowed out. Just like the somber rain that cooled the night, Maya's tears could not be held back, it must flow out. Axton held his friend with care, not interrupting but at the same time being there for her. He could feel the shirt slowly being moistened, he lifted Maya by the bottom and moved to the wall so he could lean on it. Maya moved her legs slightly, sat on his lap and covered her eyes with his collarbone. She held Axton firmly and had no intentions to be separated from the man.

As simple as the advice may seem, Maya allowed herself to be honest with her feelings.

Feeling some regret in him, Axton rubbed her back and head and was attentive to every move that Maya made. She started to shiver and whine. The once quiet and stoic Maya was crying her frustrations out, even though it was deserving, her whines were as quiet as it can be. She was struggling to let it out but with time and Axton's embrace, the process became easier for her. Allowing herself to become vulnerable. Axton was happy for her deep down. Thankfully she let herself go not in worse conditions. All the emotions, be it sadness or anger, that was bottled had led to this. He could not imagine doing it in any other way and one could say it was the best situation.

"I'm afraid… I don't know what to-" Maya whimpered.

"Hey I'm here alright, I'm here." Axton interrupted for her own good. "It's all good. It's all good."

"What should I do? Ax what should I do? I don't know what to do?"

"Hey, you don't have to do it now. It's all good." Axton whispered. "It's all good Maya, everything's going to be alright."

His left side was already soaking wet with tears and snot. Axton pushed her away by the shoulder and wiped the tears. Wiping her reddened cheeks and eyes.

"Just let it go okay? It's all okay." Axton smiled at her trying to lighten the heavy emotions she was facing.

Maya nodded and more tears started to flow. She persisted to nod and the man quickly hugged her on the right side of his chest. Her whimpering started to become louder, the more she tried to control the more tears flowing out of her eyes. Every attempt she tried to say something, she would cough and whine even more. She hugged Axton even tighter, the man had to let out a breath of air. As her emotions became more intense, Axton was committed to tolerating it and returning kindness.

She quivered like a heavy cold, Axton gave warmth through his embrace. For every doubt she expressed, he affirmed repeatedly there was nothing to worry. For every sob that she made, he was there constantly comforting her. Perhaps it was abrupt to confess and cry the same night but the man was ready to be by her side. Maya could not repay the hospitality.

She didn't want to show her face and was shy under his embrace. Axton heard Maya murmuring. "I'm sorry but I don't want to let go."

"It's okay." Axton said. "I know you need it. Come on, let's go to sleep alright? Let me shut down the lights. We can sleep together today."

Maya nodded. She quickly went to the pillow and covered her face while Axton walked to turn off the lights. The toilet still had its light on, Axton closed the door halfway. Axton laid beside her. He combed her messy hair and wiped her wet face, giving a concerned smile. Maya desperately hugged him again and the downpour of tears continued. Maya weeped about her worries again; Axton reassured again and again.

"It's all alright." A simple yet significant thing that she needed.

It was so intense for Maya to a point that she felt exhausted. With the persistent light rain and Axton's kindness and patience, Maya was lulled to sleep quietly.