We had been in this cave for five months. It was a bit unbelievable that I should somehow have been able to stay in this prison for that long but here I was still spending my days carving things into the wall, and mooning after a twenty-one year old. Loki as it turned out wasn't a one time instance, not at all. In fact he'd show'd up at least five times since November. It had been doing wonders to my school boy crush as expected. I was dealing with it though, I wasn't about to go out and potentially ruin Isabella's life because I couldn't hold in my feelings.
She was doing about as well as one might expect out of a young college student now being held in a freezing cave all while slowly starving to death. Even with us growing our gross sunless plants it still wasn't enough calories. I hadn't been paying a lot of attention but I knew that it was making menstrual cycle take a toll on it. I heard her talking to Loki about it in hushed voices, her not wanting to make me feel awkward with it. She didn't want being in this cave now to impact her chances of having kids later. The God understanding her concern had promised to get something to help.
I did however know about the curse of menstrual cramps as Isabella did not keep it a secret when those were happening. I didn't want them to be either, honestly it gave me something to think about. We didn't have any painkillers so when they came I did my best to keep her warm, to try to ease the pain. I had also learned how descriptive Isabella could be when telling me about how much her body was hurting.
It hit us really hard of the harsh reality of being down here when her fertility was put into question.
I'd never thought about having kids before but since being in a cave with a girl who really couldn't wait to have kids my feelings changed. Plus being secretly in love with the said girl seemed to help as well. It was a far off dream to be put on hold for a few years but it was there. Little fantasies of making lunches with caprisun, apple, sandwich, granola bars, oh I'd be great. Sending them off to school, then doing my thing, Isabella doing whatever the hell she wanted to do. Soccer games, PTA, birthday parties, waking up six times at night to take care of the child in question. I didn't want it before but now I did. Isabella wanted it more than she let out. But now because it was so cold and the food wasn't enough someone could take that away. Ultrasounds, me holding her hair back during morning sickness, maternity clothes. Someone might take that away from me which scared me. But not as much as that might take away from Isabella. I would never forgive whoever who was doing this to us I swear, I would get Natasha to get all Black Widow on them. Even without the concerns of her childbearing capabilities it was taking its toll.
I had started teaching Isabella all about engineering for lack of nothing else to do. It wasn't easy seeing as we didn't even have any actual tools. We had substitutes, a lot of those. Knives and the ends of spoons, we had melted down a fork back when we made Isabella's arc reactor to make a small simple tweezers but it was worth it. I told her about all of my inventions, and she gave me ideas for new ones I should make. I told her about DUM-E and U and she looked at me like I had all the answers. We got into the subject of her parents, and her stepfather Phil. They had divorced when she was 3 or 4. She told me about how she rarely saw her dad except for two week trips up to the hometown every summer. They had ended when she was fourteen. She told me all about her mother, Arizona, and the tiny apartment the two had lived in together. Then about what I had started calling as The Sacrifice. Which is what led to Isabella being so broken up. Basically when her mom married the baseball player she wanted to go traveling with him because he traveled a lot. But she dealt with it and stayed with Isabella because she was barely seventeen and their are laws and stuff. Renee was sad about being away from Phil, and Isabella offered to go move in with her estranged father.
I understood that Isabella is the most selfless, compassionate, sympathetic, empathetic, all around good person I was ever going to meet. Her mother should have fought harder, said no, pretended to be happier for her only child's sake. No though she did none of those things. Isabella went with her dad in that nowhere town where she knew no one at all. With all the extreme issues that she should have had with this, of course she wouldn't come out of that lions den okay. The monster and his family and everyone in that demon town tore her to pieces. It wasn't her dads fault, from what I knew he seemed to be an honest good man and tried as hard as he could to do good by his only child. He just wasn't ready, but he did everything he could. Until Isabella got to be the person who will literally scream at night because of the things that she won't tell me about.
When I got out I was going to ask about that town.
She had a panic attack the other day, and now I'm starting to get things. Like how when they happen to someone you love your heart breaks to see it. How when the breathing gets so fast and you have to remind them to breathe so they don't pass out you would do anything to take it away from them.
Now she screamed at night even more and the reasons were newer now along with the ones she won't tell me about. I couldn't get us out, I couldn't fix it. Get rid of the aching fear inside of the two of us that we might really spend the rest of our lives in this cave. Neither of us can figure out how it happened. Its not like with the Ten Rings, they had been very clear as to why they had me and when I would be leaving/dying. I couldn't get us out because I had no idea how we got in. I couldn't just build my way out, their was nothing to build with. All I wanted was to honestly tell the girl I secretly love that all would be okay. That I could make it so she wouldn't have the scream at night and hold me so close as if I was a life preserver.
We could have a good life if we could just get out of this cave. I could actually show her my creations, and properly teach her about engineering. I had promised that I would take care of her once we got out. That she could move into the tower with me so that we could adjust better. Isabella had promised that she would make sure that when I locked myself downstairs in my lab, to be locked down their with me. It was the sweetest thing someone has ever offered to give me. Their actual company, someone to just talk to the universe about.
I had also told Loki that since the Avengers weren't really a thing anymore that I didn't care about the whole taking over the world thing. I was already set for when we got out of the cave. Captain America and General Ross could come at me now. I had a girl that would probably bite and scratch them and then cry dangerously hard making them guilt trip it. Not to mention a certain God her could do pretty much whatever he wanted unless it meant Isabella harm. So many fantasies and dreams. If I could only get us out of this stupid cave.