Deskcapades

There was normally a prolonged din throughout the offices of Chandler Bing's workplace. People moving around, coworkers calling out each other's name across the floor, phones ringing, copy and fax machines going off intermittently, chatter and conversations scattered about the room. If you were to pay attention and try to listen to the cacophony of sounds all afternoon, it would give you a splitting headache by the end of the day. Even trying not to pay attention could bring immense pain. The work was tedious, forgetful, and seemingly unimportant. Chandler was convinced that if his entire floor had disappeared from the building, no one in the world would notice. Yet, everyday, people scurried around like lab rats as they tried to get their work done. Fridays were different. Maybe it was the anticipation that everyone had for the impending weekend, or the lack of motivation to finish out the work week productively after being trapped in the office for five days, but everything just seemed quieter and much more laid back. There was less urgency to do any extra work as people tried to get out as early as possible so that they could start their weekend. Chandler was no different. By 11am he was done caring about getting any work accomplished. He simply closed his door and resigned himself to use his computer to discretely look at some porn until he could safely sneak out of the building after lunch and perhaps begin his own weekend a bit earlier than everyone else.

That was the plan for today; he would keep a low profile, try to blend into the background, get out early, and get to Monica's by four. He knew that according to the sex binder, every Friday, Rachel went out with a few coworkers for a glass of wine at happy hour before coming home, which meant that he and Monica could have an hour or two all to themselves before anyone else was at the apartment. Chandler allowed his mind to play out everything he could imagine would happen once he got to Monica's. Perhaps, she would already be wearing a sheer, skimpy little negligee. She would have candles lit, and perhaps even wine poured and some soft music playing. All of that would quickly be ignored as she dragged him by his tie into her bedroom.

Chandler was quickly snapped out of his daydream as he heard a knock on his office door. Before he could get up to answer, it swung open and Monica slipped in, closing it quickly behind her. She leaned up against the door and smiled as she twisted the wand and closed his blinds. She was dressed in hip-hugging dark slacks and an over-sized pull over top. Her hair was tied up and she had a hungry look in her eyes. She dropped her jacket off to the side and began to purr seductively

"Hello Mr. Bing. You wanted to see me in your office?" Monica began to saunter over to Chandler, who was still sitting at his desk. He stammered and wore a shocked look on his face. "You know, I always found it very arousing to be with a man who has his own office." She stopped as she reached his desk and ran her fingers along the top of it as she stared at him intensely.

Chandler was still overcome with confusion. "Mon? What's going on? What are you doing here?"

She shook her head as she broke out of the seductive character she was attempting to play. "I was in the area. I know we have plans to meet up later, but I thought maybe, if you weren't busy, we could, you know…" She let her voice trail off, smiled and started to speak in a low, sultry tone again. "How could I resist a man who has his own desk, and his own..." she scanned his desk for a moment for anything to use in her roleplay until she fixated her eyes on his stapler. She picked it up and opened it wide as she ran her finger up and down the length of it seductively. "His own stapler. Yes. This is so hot and sexy." She started to squeeze the stapler and made breathy "ooos" and "aaahhs" with each pull. Her actions sent staples flying out towards Chandler, and a few bounced up and started to hit him under his eye.

Chandler winced in pain and rubbed his cheek. "Ow! Mon! Stop. Look, you know you are no good at using inanimate objects when you try to seduce me. Have we already forgotten the Junior Mints incident from last week?"

Monica's shrugged her shoulders in defeat and nodded bashfully. She put the stapler back down. "Okay, but we can still fool around in your office, right?"

Chandler looked off to the side and pretended to be seriously pondering her question. "Uh, yeah!" He jumped up out of his chair and bounced a bit on his feet. "Sex in my office is fantasy number three on my list!"

Monica smiled, walked slowly around Chandler's desk, and pushed him back down into his chair. She sat on his lap and resumed speaking in a sensual tone. "Well, then maybe we can take one of these pens and cross it off your list today."

Chandler wrapped his arms around her waist and pulled her close for a kiss. "Mon, can we forget about the office supplies?" She scrunched up her face and nodded. She leaned in and they shared a kiss. Chandler pulled back for a moment and looked at her breathlessly. "So, are we really doing this?"

Monica narrowed her eyes seductively. "Oh, let's do this!"

The two of them stood up and began to furiously undo each other's pants. They yanked them off of each other and threw them into a pile on the floor by his desk. Chandler began to work on the buttons of her shirt and Monica leaned it as they shared several hard, powerful kisses. Suddenly, they were snapped out of their intense embrace as they heard a knock on Chandler's door. Instinctively, Chandler dove down and scooted his body under his desk. Monica looked down at him incredulously, but before she could say something the door opened and Chandler's assistant entered the room. She looked at Monica curiously, and Monica quickly sat down behind the desk and settled herself into Chandler's chair.

"Mr. Bing?"

Monica looked up and nervously bit at her lower lip. "Hey there you! Uh, well, Mr. Bing stepped out for a minute. I'm a friend of his, just waiting for him so we can go to lunch!"

"Oh, okay, well then I'll be back after lunch and talk to him then." She shared a nod with Monica, turned and left.

Monica pulled the chair back as Chandler rose up from under the desk. She looked down at him in disbelief. "Why did you hide?"

"I didn't want to get caught."

Monica grit her teeth and in an aggravated tone, began to reprimand him. "But it's your office. You're supposed to be in here. If anything, I should have been under the desk and you should have been in the chair!"

Chandler started to pull himself up from the floor. "I know! I panicked!" Before he could get to his feet, there was another knock on his door. Before he could answer, the door swung open again and Chandler dove back down under the desk. Monica threw her hands up exasperatedly and fumed as an infuriated look washed over her face.

A tall man with glasses and a receding hairline entered the office and looked around.

"Hey Bing!"

Monica's face had become tight with building frustration. She spoke through gritted teeth. "He's not here! Come back after lunch!"

The man shuffled backwards nervously. He spun around and left the office in a hurry, clearly intimated by Monica's tone. Chandler popped back up from under the desk.

"I'm so sorry. Look, let me go lock the door."

Monica spoke in a sharp tone, still gritting her teeth. "That would be a good idea."

Chandler grabbed a pair of pants from the pile of clothes on the floor and attempted to put them on. He strained a bit and grunted as he struggled to get his legs in. finally, he pulled as hard as he could and then stopped when he heard a loud, unmistakable rip.

Monica's features softened and she started to laugh. "Did you just tear your pants open? Serves you right for leaving me to deal with your coworkers while you hid under the desk!"

Chandler lifted up the now ruined pair of slacks and examined them. "Hey, Mon?"

Monica was still laughing as she spun around giddily in his chair. "What?"

He looked at her nervously. "Well, um, would it still be funny if we found out I ripped your pants?" He handed the ripped garment over to Monica apologetically.

"YOU! DID! WHAT!" Monica took the pair of pants from Chandler and inspected the tag. "NOOOOOOO! Why would you try to put on my pants?"

"Well," Chandler looked down at the other pair of pants on the floor, "I was very confused. They look the same and they're both the same color."

Monica looked over at Chandler's pants lying on the floor and desperately gestured at them. "They are not the same color!" her voice started to get louder as she became more enraged. "My pants are midnight blue and yours are navy blue!"

Chandler looked over at both articles of clothing and then looked at Monica. "Mon, I'm sorry, but as a man, all I can see are two pairs of blue pants."

She huffed and sunk back into Chandler's chair. "What do we do now? These are ruined. I can't wear them now and I can't go home without pants!"

Chandler looked around the room for a few minutes and then his face lit up. "I got it, I'll just send my assistant to go buy you a new pair of pants. She'll bring them in, then you put on the new pants, and then you can go home?"

Monica looked at him and she allowed herself to calm down. "I guess that would work. Okay, but you have to give me your boxers."

"My boxers?" Chandler looked back over at Monica, confused by her request. "Why do you need my boxers?"

She looked over to make sure the door was still closed and spoke softly. "Because I thought it would be sexy to come in here without any underwear on."

Chandler perked up and looked at her with lascivious eyes. "What? You mean you don't have any underwear on right now? You're going commando. Nice!" He started to smile and slowly nod his head.

Monica grunted at him angrily. "Focus Bing! Boxers! Now!"

Chandler slid out of his boxer shorts and handed them over to Monica. She slipped them on under her shirt as Chandler reached down, picked up his pants and put them on. They switched positions and Monica sat down on the by his desk so she wouldn't be seen by anyone who walked in. Chandler sat down in his chair and looked over at her as he wiggled his eyebrows. "You know, we probably have a half hour or so before she gets back from lunch."

Monica looked up at him and rolled her eyes. "The moment passed big guy." She then motioned to the frozen images on his computer screen. "Also, porn at work? That's just gross."

They waited silently for the next twenty minutes, only taking time to share disbelieving looks. Finally, after what had felt like a lifetime, Chandler's assistant returned. She knocked on his door and poked her head through. Monica scooched down a bit more, hoping to avoid being seen. Chandler motioned for his assistant to come closer to him and she gingerly approached. He started to speak quietly and looked around the room as his face went red with embarrassment.

"Hey, I need you to do something for me. I need you to take my credit card and go buy me a pair of women's pants."

His assistant dropped some paperwork onto his desk and looked back at him suspiciously. "You want me to buy women's pants?"

Awkwardness glowed across his face as his cheeks became flush. "Uh, well, yeah. I need them, uh, for a gift."

She looked him over and took his credit card from his hand. "What size do you need?"

"I guess, medium?" Suddenly Monica grabbed the fleshy part of his thigh and squeezed it, "Owww! I mean small. I need a small pair of women's pants please. Okay then, thank you."

His assistant shook her head and left. Monica lifted her head back up from under the desk to ensure she was gone and then she looked over at Chandler.

"I am so mad right now! My whole day has been wasted sitting on the floor in what are the ugliest boxer shorts I have ever seen."

Chandler softened his voice and reached out to hold her hand. "Mon, look, let's not let today ruin tonight, right? I mean, we can still get together. We don't want to lose a Friday evening because of this? Look, how about after she brings back the pants, you go home, rest up and I'll meet you there, I'll bring your favorite champagne. The expensive one that you really like."

Monica reluctantly flashed him a bashful smile. "Okay, I guess we really don't want to ruin tonight." She leaned up and kissed him before she sat back down on the floor beside his desk.

A few hours later Monica was in her bedroom and thought about this afternoon's debacle. She shook her head and laughed.

"It was pretty funny. And, under the circumstances, it was fun to hang out with Chandler today."

She laughed again and then her face lit up.

"I should do something to show Chandler that I'm not mad anymore."

She looked around the room and for some reason, her mind went back to the pornographic image that was frozen on Chandler's computer. She allowed a devilish smile to spread across her lips. She looked at the clock, and figured that he would be entering her apartment in just a few short minutes. She dropped her robe and climbed up on the bed. She got on all fours and arched her back as she made sure to face away from the door. She nodded to herself as she looked over her shoulder. She was convinced that she was replicating the position that the porn actress was in perfectly. A seductive smile spread across her lips as she waited for him, giddy with how excited he would be to find her in this position.

"Wow, I can't believe Chandler's assistant almost saw me naked. That would have been embarrassing."

Just as she predicted, she heard the door to the apartment open and close as someone started to walk around. A few seconds later, there was a knock on her bedroom door. Monica slid her nightie up slightly so that when he entered he would catch a glimpse of her naked body. She called out to him in a sing-song voice.

"Come in. I've been waiting for you."

The door flew open and Rachel walked in.

"Hi, I just…"

Upon seeing Monica in the most compromising of positions, Rachel screamed and ran out of the room.

Monica grit her teeth and leaped off the bed as she wrapped her robe around her body.

"Oh crap."