For the longest time she could remember, Kawahira had always been by her side. Always just at the edge of her vision.
She was three, when she first took a hold of his coat.
She had kept him in her periphery, never looking straight at him for fear that he would disappear, and steadily shuffled her way towards his corner of the room.
"Hello."
"..."
"My name's Luce."
"..."
"Mommy says it's because I'm her light and happiness."
"..."
p dir="ltr""Do you wanna play?"
p dir="ltr"He didn't. But he did stay.
p dir="ltr"At that time, she had thought it was because she wouldn't let go of him. Now she knew better.
(Luce never got to know exactly why he stayed)
He was mysterious. And handsome. And a grown-up.
When he spoke his first words to her, she was eight and it was right after he saved her from falling off a building. Her kidnappers had thrown her as a last act of spite to her mother before they were shot down by her mother's men. He stayed by her while she cried after the shock wore off.
"Everything's fine now. Your mother's here. You can cry, I'll stay."
She'll look back on this later and know, that this was the moment she fell in love.
"Kawa, don't you have a home?"
"...I have a house."
"Then, don't you want to sleep in your bed. If you always stay like that, you'll hurt your neck."
"...It's not my home."
She didn't understand it at the time. Wasn't a house and home the same thing? Nevertheless, she scooted over. Her bed was queen sized and it was more than enough to fit two grown-up people.
"Sleep beside me then."
After a moment of silence, he crawled over.
(She had no idea why he did and she'd never get to ask)
She was thirteen, when she first felt heartbreak.
"Kawa...um...I want you. Will you be my Mist?"
"No. I already have a Sky."
His answer was curt. Clipped and unfeeling.
She thought she'd break in two.
She couldn't bring herself to look at him for a long time.
She met Him just a few months later in a gala held by her mother's friend. Kawahira was just in the corner of her eyes as usual so she felt incredibly awkward when the older boy started hitting on her.
He introduced himself as Darren. He was cute with a captivating aura and a playful tone.
He was really, really, cute that halfway through their conversation, her cheeks began burning with something other than embarrassment.
To the point she even forgot about Kawahira just standing right there.
Later, she'd burn with shame. But mostly, she tried to forget Darren. She already had Kawahira after all, she told herself.
But then they met again, at another party. And then again. And again.
And suddenly, her mental voice wasn't chanting about reasons to stay with Kawahira anymore.
It was reasons why, exactly, she should stay away from Kawahira.
He already has a Sky.
These days, the only feelings he was sparking in her was despair and an all-consuming want to the point that it was terrifying her. The feelings of safety, and comfort, and the warmth of first love was completely overpowered.
Darren on the other hand, was warm but not too hot. He's stable in a way that despite having been present since her earliest memories, Kawahira never managed. She's always wrapped in a coat of contentedness when by his side.
And unlike Kawahira, Darren never looked at her as if seeing through her.
He never made her feel insufficient. As if she's just a spectre of what she should be.
She was eighteen, when her mother caught on and arranged the engagement.
Neither side had any complaints.
She cried herself to sleep that night. Not out of happiness nor any form of anguish.
It was just grief. Of a love that died and a chance that couldn't have been.
(Until the end, Luce would remember that he never truly opened up to her. She'd sometimes think if she ever actually knew Kawahira)
"Hey. Kawahira...um..."
"Yes?"
"Er..." from her neck to the tips of her ears, she was bright red, "M, my honeymoon... can you, you know?...not appear. I mean, I'm not necessarily asking you to leave if you don't want to- but that doesn't mean I want you to stay of course! N,not that I want you to leave either as I said! Just, at least don't show yourself! For the whole time! Please! Cause that would be really awkward and embarrassing not that I'm embarrassed of Darren but you know what I mean-!"
He snorted, "Of course. I'm not a brick wall. I do understand privacy."
Sure, she wanted to say but refrained from doing so.
Kawahira wasn't there at the day of her wedding. Or the reception. He was also absent from the honeymoon.
Luce was relieved.
When she returned he was there again and she waited expectantly.
She waited for hours on end. Her joy dampened. She waited for weeks. For months.
(She'd eventually find herself waiting for years)
But no congratulations passed his lips.
Not even for the engagement, she'd realise. Not for the wedding. Not for the reception. Not for the honeymoon. Not for when her and Darren started living together.
Nothing.
He was her first love but even more than that, he was her first friend. It worried her.
Then he disappeared.
One day. Then one week. Then one month.
One year.
One year, three months, two weeks, four days, thirteen hours, and sixteen minutes later, he appeared in front of her.
He was pale, gaunt, and barely standing.
He was also holding a stone hanging from a thin chain.
She thought it was a bit funny, how it looked like a baby's pacifier.
Luce caught him as he collapsed, perturbed at this sudden display of weakness, and inadvertently glanced a touch to it.
She didn't think it was funny anymore, when she felt something inside her very existence break. Like the creak of a rusted cog.
And suddenly, Luce was Seeing.
Seven and eight interchange.
Like the flame of a candle, she shall lead them to their downfall. And like moth to flame, they shall follow obediently, unaware. Deceived by their own want, they shall fall from their grace and power. Gods and Great, desire is their flaw, sacrifice is a must and they shall be the tribute for balance.
Tears carved a path down her face.
The room was silent. As if the world itself was afraid to disturb this moment of discovery- no, of realization.
Fate. Destiny.
Luce had always believed in them in the same way every little girl dreaming of a Prince on a gallant horse or a knight in shining armour did.
Luce embraced Kawahira in her arms, crying.
It was unfair, she thought. Unfair.
Unfair, unfair, unfair, unfair.
A flash of blue identical to hers sparked in her memory and a whispered name of Uni and Aria caressed the shell of her ear.
Luce broke down.
(Later, she'll build herself back up, but for now...)