"Mammy."

Tap, tap, tap, tap, went the cell phone screen.

"Mammy, don't ignore me~."

"..."

"...Mammy~" Bel whined, the eight year old kicking his legs and flailing his arms and just generally being an obnoxious entity in the Varia living room.

BANG! went the door, because obviously anything concerning Squalo could only have capital letters.

"VOI! WE GOT LUNCH!" he hollered to the people that were supposed to be the big bad Varia Independent Assassination Squad.

Xanxus had sank down his throne chair, shoulders pressed to his cheeks, and his feet crossed on the coffee table. Levi held the remote, looking the epitome of a jobless couch potato in his house clothes.

On the screen, a woman was wailing at a comatose man, "Oh Ricardo, my son who I haven't seen since you were kidnapped as a baby, my love. That woman who you married must've done this to you, the daughter of our rival, oh-"

Behind the Commander, Lussuria trailed with sundaes. Immediately, he went straight to the kitchen to store it in the ref.

"Peasant Commander! Mammy's been ignoring me!"

"Huh?" he grunted, honestly not in the mood to deal with Bel's problem -Not that he ever was, mind you, "Yeah, that's great, just do what you've been doing."

Squalo set the boxes on the table. Xanxus absently threw a pillow to his head, eyes glued to the t.v screen, "Trash, you're back."

The blonde picked it up off the carpet, grumbling, "I had to. God only knew how any of you'd survive without either me or Luss."

Mammon finally looked up, attention caught by the smell of food. From inside white boxes with red chinese characters painted on the side, they could smell Mapo Tofu.

They raised their phone and the snap of a photo resounded.

There was stunned silence.

"Trash, did you just take a picture of our food?"

Tap, tap, tap, tap.

"Hmmm? Yeah, boss. If you want a copy, it'll cost you a thousand Euro."

"Ushishishi~, what did Mammy do to it, post it on FB?"

"On the Arcobaleno group chat."

They gaped at them.

"... you have a groupchat?"

"How else would they keep each other updated."

"Wait, wait, wait!" Levi exclaimed, "I thought they thought you were dead?!"

Mammon snickered, "Oh, they do. In fact, they're so utterly convinced of it. And even when I'm chatting to them like this they're still in denial. Seriously, that blonde idiot and Skull honestly thought they're being haunted."

"Yes, well, honey, setting that aside, it's mealtime. You're aloud to eat on the couch but no cellphones. We don't want you to make a mess being so distracted." Luscious cut in, emerging from the kitchen.

"... Boss is distracted."

Everyone looked at Xanxus, completely wrapped up in the show.

"It's different, he's the Boss and he's got Squalo to attend to him."

"Mammy, attend to the Prince!"

"No."

Under the Sun Officer's unnerving smile, Mammon pocketed their phone, sighing.

"... truly, modern conveniences are addicting..."

"Shishi! Did Mammy not have phones in Mammy's time?"

"More like the internet. Cleopatra would've been too much of a nice guy if she allowed it, the bitch."

"..."

How old was Mammon?