Her footsteps echoed through the empty apartment. The moving van was pulled up on the side of the road, some Sons were busy carrying all her stuff inside. Abigail herself had no energy to do anything. As soon as someone put down a chair, she sat down at it and stared defeated at the floor.
A new start.
She wasn't ready for a new start.
She didn't want to let go of Juice, she didn't want to be separated from the people who had played such an important role in her life. Even when her feelings were mixed, even when she blamed them for Juice's death. So many people had been taken from her, and now, she would lose even more.
Scarlett sat down on her lap and toyed with her hair. "You will be fine, sweetheart," she said. "I will stop by as often as I can."
Abigail was silent. She had heard that promise before.
With a sigh, she looked at the engagement ring around her finger. "I miss him so much," she whispered. She wiped her shoulder across her cheek to catch the tear she felt dripping down. "I still can't believe he will never come back."
Scarlett grabbed her hand and squeezed. She seemed close to saying something, in the end however she dropped her eyes. Abigail did the same. There were no comforting words. Not really.
"The pain will fade," Scarlett said eventually.
The words sounded trite, meaningless. The gloominess made her despondent, she just wanted to slip underneath the blankets and pretend all of this was just a nightmare. But even that was impossible; her bed still needed to be put together.
With a blank face she kept staring forward while people where setting up the house. She didn't care. There was no energy left. Until the funeral she had pushed her feelings aside because she had to make so many arrangements to give Juice a proper goodbye.
Now, that was over. Now, she saw nothing but a gaping void and she couldn't imagine she would ever be able to enjoy something again.
The lethargy persisted. The first two days her father stayed with her, but because things were still tense between them, he left, his head hanging. Jax was still missing, the club had other priorities than her feelings. She wasn't disappointed to see them leave, and she neither cared when Scarlett told her to have something else to do. Abigail didn't even ask for an explanation. She was probably no longer in the mood to deal with Abigail's bitterness anyway.
Abigail dragged herself from the couch to the kitchen and back, watching random shows to distract herself. She failed. She imagined that Juice was sitting next to her, predicting how he would react to certain scenes. She could hear his laughter, or his critic when he pointed out a giant plot hole. She remembered how he laced his fingers with hers every time they were watching Outlander, claiming that the sex scenes would have been much steamier if they had been played by them; which he'd wanted to prove instantly.
She was tempted to watch the show, to relive the memories. At the same time she knew it wouldn't improve her mood. She had to encourage herself to do things. Things that mattered.
It required a superhuman effort, but half an hour later she found herself in the supermarket filling a shopping cart. Since she had never been here before she couldn't run the errands on autopilot, which helped her to focus on something else than her sadness.
After checking out she watched the advertisements pinned to the wall. A photography course was offered. It wasn't something she had been interested in in the past, but she wanted to try new things, wanted to become someone new. This was the only way to move forward.
Ripping off a note, she shoved it in her pocket and walked away.