I do not own Rising of the Shield Hero or any of the characters.
A.N.: I just realized I never posted the chapter where Naofumi saves Sofia. Oops. Nothing major. Sofia almost dies. Naofumi saves her. Fenris is super grateful.
Remembering
Fenris sighed as he dropped the three gold coins he had finally received into his coin pouch. In the two days since the duel, things between him and Sofia hadn't improved. It was like one of them was holding the other at an arm's distance. And he wasn't even sure that it wasn't him doing it.
"Hey," Naomi smiled, wrapping her arms around him from behind. "Want to go upstairs and fuck to celebrate me being healed? We can invite Riley."
"No," Fenris said, pulling her arms off. "We've only got another day to prepare before the next Wave. I have to find Naofumi, and we need to get all of our gear repaired."
"We should also stock up on potions," Eileen added, stepping into the room. "We'll probably need them."
Fenris nodded. "I'm heading to Erhard's. Anyone need something fixed?"
"My sword," Nsomi said, handing it to him.
"Sofia and Riley both said their gear's good," Eileen said.
Fenris nodded mutely. Sofia was currently upstairs giving Riley a third welcoming celebration. Part of the reason why Fenris was choosing to go to Erhard's now.
"Tell Erhard I said hello," Naomi called after him.
"Probably not," Fenris called back.
He closed the door behind himself and walked away, slowly working his way through the city until he reached Erhard's shop. Naofumi was at the front door.
"What a coincidence," Fenris smirked. "Just the man I was hoping to see. I should thank you for that job before."
"Job?" Naofumi asked. "What are you talking about?"
"The duel with Motoyasu," Fenris said, pulling out the letter and handing it to Naofumi. "You payed me eight gold to, and I quote, 'Duel Motoyasu and humiliate him.' And then you said to tell him, again I quote, 'it's for being a dumbass who's wound around Mein's finger.'"
"Fenris, I can't write in your language," Naofumi said. "My shield translates what I hear and say into your language for me, but I can't read or write in your language."
"But...then...who hired me to fight Motoyasu?" Fenris asked. "I don't think it was Mein. She was too angry and surprised that I would. And the King would sooner execute me than hire me, even as a trap."
"That's...really weird," Naofumi said. "Ren and Itsuki were talking about someone impersonating them to steal their jobs and rewards. Maybe...whoever it was also impersonated me to make you fight Motoyasu."
"But why?" Fenris asked.
"Maybe they wanted you to lose?" Naofumi guessed.
"Maybe," Fenris mused. "Anyway, you promised to hire me for the Waves, right?"
"When?" Naofumi asked.
"When you saved Sofia," Fenris said. "After that troll nearly killed her."
"Oh, right," Naofumi nodded. "I totally forgot about that. What was the deal? I took most of the troll's treasure and peomised to hire you, and you promised a discount?"
"Yeah," Fenris nodded. "Two gold for the Wave, and an extra ten for each near-death experience any of my girls have."
"Your girls, huh?" Naofumi smirked.
"You know what I mean," Fenris grumbled.
"Yeah, I do," Naofumi nodded. "Still though, two gold is awful cheap for a Wave."
"You saved Sofia," Fenris said. "I originally promised you ninety percent of all the money I make and free Wave service, remember?"
"Oh yeah," Naofumi nodded. "You're an idiot."
"I can't repay you for saving Sofia," Fenris said. "Even my original offer isn't enough to me."
Naofumi shook his head. "You're so blind it's stupid. If she wasn't so nice, I'd call her a second Mein, and you a second Motoyasu. Whatever. Two gold it is. Get your gear fixed up and Buy whatever you need. Meet me back here before the Wave starts."
"Right," Fenris nodded.
He walked past Naofumi, into the shop, and Raphtalia nodded to him, Fenris returning the gesture before dropping Naomi's sword and his own armor on Erhard's counter.
"Repair job," Fenris said. "Upgrade if you can. Money's currently not an issue."
"Alright," Erhard nodded. "I'll have it ready in about an hour."
Fenris nodded and left, heading to the potion shop and buying a bunch of potions before walking back to Erhard's and buying a handful of his weaker shields. He waited there until Erhard had finished the repairs as well and walked over, staring at his chest plate and the smooth, pitch black stone in the center of the chest.
"Somehow, I doubt that's onyx," Fenris said.
"It's all that was left of the kidney stone your sword was made out of," Erhard said.
"Gross," Fenris said. "Why?"
"The stone had latent magic potential that I got awakened," Erhard said. "The armor will get stronger the closer to death you get."
"Thanks for the vote of confidence," Fenris grumbled. "I want a new armor set when I get back. I'm tired of looking like an idiot."
"Then stop hiding your ears," Erhard said, Fenris's eyes widening before narrowing as he tensed. "Relax. I don't discriminate. I realized who you were when I first saw you. I don't want to know about the tail, and I don't care why you hide the ears. But if you bring me a good enough material, I can make you a new outfit for it, one that will go with your ears. And if you want, I can give it a tail. You choose the type of tail and function, for example a functional scorpion tail."
"I'll bear that in mind," Fenris growled, pulling the armor on and storming out of the shop, tossing a bag of coins over his shoulder. He walked to the magic shop and set his sword down in front of the old woman. "Can you do anything with this?"
"It does have some latent magic," she nodded. "If I activate it, it'll absorb the lifeforce of anything it is used against and transfer it to you."
"How much?" Fenris asked.
"Five gold coins," the woman said. "And ten minutes of silence."
Fenris handed her a bag of gold and she nodded, walking away and returning with a potion. Ten minutes later, Fenris walked back to the inn and handed Naomi her sword as he passed her on the stairs. He walked to his room and sat on the bed, resting his face in his hands, struggling to fend off his memories.
That bitch's face was first. Then the noble. His family. Sofia's broken body.
A soft knock on the door jarred him out of his thoughts and he looked over to where Sofia was watching him with a sympathetic look. He felt his eyebrow twitch. It seemed she had deigned that he was worthy of a break in her and Riley's play time.
"I don't mind if you decide that I can't stay," Sofia said. "I understand why. You weren't ready to talk, and I tried to force you. I'm sorry. But please, don't shut the others out. None of them has anywhere to go. And Naomi's in love with you. Riley's in love with you. Eileen just started to realize that you're not as bad as you seem. Please don't push them all away because of me."
Fenris remained silent. Push them away? He wasn't pushing anyone away. They were all distancing themselves from him, weren't they? He wasn't responsible. He had no reason to be. After all, it wasn't like he cared, right? He wasn't afraid of the pain of losing them, right?
"An extra ten gold for any near death experiences my girls experience.""My girls, huh?""I can't repay you for saving Sofia. Even my original offer isn't enough to me."
No. He wasn't afraid of losing any of them. He didn't care about them. They were all just easy fucks. At best. More accurate would probably be to say sex toys. They were just convenient. Useful. Tools. Nothing more.
"Just...don't stop being you," Sofia said. "Because, even for all of your immorality, and all of your faults, you're a good person. And we all don't want to lose you, either."
Then, she turned and left the room. He remained silent, staring at the ground. He needed to get drunk. He needed to forget, before it was too late. He stood, hurrying downstairs and sitting at the bar, Andrea looking over at him and narrowing her eyes.
"Yes?" Andrea asked. "How can I help the man who agreed to help my daughter, only to then treat her like she doesn't exist?"
"Your strongest drink," Fenris said, voice trembling, setting his entire coin pouch on the bar. "Two bottles."
Andrea's eyes widened as she stared at him before handing him two bottles of a clear liquid. Fenris drained half of one instantly before heading back up to his room and locking himself in as memories assaulted him.
Fenris stumbled through the rain, the end of his tail scraping the ground. That bitch. How could she do this to him? How was this his fault? How was that justification? How was he supposed to know how he was supposed to be? How was he supposed to know he was wrong?
He fell to his knees, the rain hiding his tears. However, after a moment, a rock hit the side of his head and he cried out in pain, looking over at the crowd gathering to his left. Another rock sailed through the airb hitting him in the shoulder.
"Get out of here you damn demi-human!"
"We don't want your kind here!"
He stared at the faces. Shouting and glaring. Like a swarm of angry wasps. Another wasp stung him in the brow and his blood began to drip into the water covering the ground.
"It's poluting our village!"
"Stop bleeding on our streets!"
His stomach was stung next, then his shin. He turned finally, fleeing as his back was stung again and again, the offending objects littering the road behind him as they left welts over his back, and several broken bones.
When he slowed to a stopb he had run far from the village, far from the pain, though it didn't stay gone. How could he have thought he was okay? How could he have thought she was happy? Just look at him. He was a freak. A monster. He had never belonged anywhere.
He fell to his knees, staring at his reflection. He hated his reflection. His unnatural black ears that grew from his messy black hair. His freakish gold irises. His fucking tail. As if the ears weren't bad enough. He could fold them into his hair, if he wanted. But the tail? He'd be more subtle wearing a sign that read, "I'm an inhuman monster. Hate me." But no. Instead, he had a big, bushy, impossible to hide, black tail.
He punched his reflection, shattering his knuckles and filling the puddle with blood, his reflection remaining absolute. He squeezed his eyes closed, forehead settling in the puddle as he sobbed. After longer than he kept track of, a cart rumbled to a stop behind him. He waited for the pain, but instead, a coat covered him.
"Why are you crying son?" a kind voice asked from above him.
"I'm not a boy!" Fenris snapped. "I'm a monster! I'm a damn demi-human! I deserve to die!"
"I see," the man said. "And...what if you weren't a demi-human? Would that make you happy?"
"That's not possible!"
"Not true," the man said. "I could give you that."
Fenris raised his head, staring at the man and he smiled, offering his hand. "Please. Fix me."
"I give you my word, no one will throw stones at you for being a demi-human again."
Fenris stared at the empty bottle, and his distorted reflection in it. His gold irises. His snow-white hair and ears. If he had thought he was a freak before...The man had kept his word, though. No one threw stones. Instead, they just beat him, and cut him, and starved him, and stabbed him, and pissed on him. There had been so much pain. So much suffering.
He wasn't sure exactly when his hair had turned white. Maybe when he broke altogether. Maybe a little at a time. But it didn't matter. One way or another, it had happened.
Fenris screamed as the knife bit him again, opening his back like a seam. Then again. And again. Then there was the whip. And the mallet. And the drill. And the fire. Finally, the silence came again, broken only by his own sobbing. And then she came. The helper. The healer. All his work, she would undo. But he didn't hate her. He was alive because of her. And she was different. She cared. And for it, she was beautiful. Even had she not been beautiful physically, she'd have been beautiful to him.
"I can't watch this anymore," she said after she had finished healing him. "Do you trust me?"
"Yes," Fenris said.
"Good," the girl nodded. "I'm getting you out of here."
She raised a hand, using magic to freeze his shackles before breaking them off. He was weak. He coapsed against her and she had to carry him out of the room. They passed through the passages of a dungeon quickly. Then, she pushed a passage open and carried him through, setting him down and backing out of it.
"Follow this tunnel," she said, tears leaking down her face as the sound of shouting came from one side. "I'll keep them from finding you."
"Please, come with me!" Fenris pleaded. "I love you! I don't want you to go!"
"I love you too," she smiled, then looked to the side. "I'm sorry. You have to go. Quickly!"
Then, she sealed the passage. He screamed for her. Pleaded with her to come with him. Not to leleave him. But he was alone again. He heard shouting coming closer. He had to go. He had to get away. For her. He turned and fled along the tunnel. He could barely stand, but fear and grief carried him. The tunnel wound and curved seemingly endlessly. Finally, he found a dead end. He fell to his knees. It couldn't be a dead end.
Then, he felt the wall shift as he leaned on it. It was a door. He pushed and it slid out of the way, spilling him onto the ground. He sighed. He was free. He pushed himself up shakily and raised his eyes, only to fall to his knees. No. It couldn't be. It couldn't be real. It couldn't be true. He was back. He was in the same room he had only just escaped. There was his blood, pooled beneath his shackles. And there were the blades, and drills, and needles, and whips. And there was the girl, hand-in-hand with the man.
"But...I don't..."
"What, you thought I meant it?" the girl scoffed. "That I'd actually love a disgusting demi-human freak like you? That you could ever actually be loved?" she laughed. "A freak like you deserves only to die a horrible, painful death."
"Well said my love," the man said. "You can go. I'll take it from here."
Fenris fell forward, hands curling into fists beside his head as he pressed his face to the floor. Why? Why did he have to hurt? Why did he have to be hated? Was he really so horrible? Was it really so bad for him to love? Was this love?Was this pain the thing everyone claimed to be searching for? If it was, if this was all there was, if love was pain, then he didn't want it. Any of it. He didn't need it. It was better to not care. To not feel.
"I hope you die!" Fenris shouted at the man, tears soaking his face. "I never asked to be born like this! I only ever wanted to be human!"
You want to be human?" the man asked. "Well why didn't you say so?" he grinned wickedly. "I can do human easy. Restrain him."
Two guards rushed in, chaining Fenris in his shackles again. Then, they left, and the man lifted something metal. Then, he grabbed Fenris's tail and began to rip the fur out, sometimes taking flesh. Fenris screamed and thrashed, but couldn't escape. And he could swear he was seeing things, or maybe he was going blind, bjt the fur was too light. It was supposed to be black, but it looked grey. Like the stone floor.
Eventually, the ripping stopped. The fur was gone. It was laying in the blood below Fenris, fresh blood dripping from the missing sections in his tail.
"Shit, I'm sorry, I made your tail look gross and uneven. I'll fix it."
And then the pain was there again. The potato peeler was effective. Thin bits of his flesh came off. And then again. And again. And again. Fenris didn't know how long it lasted. But the man was determined. He took the flesh off of Fenris's tail piece by painful piece. And then, there were only the bones left.
"Hm," the man hummed. "I think it's a bit too long. Maybe a little shorter would be better."
And then a piece broke. then it was torn off. Then the next broke. Then was torn off. Then the next repeated the cycle. And the next. And the next. Eleven. Eleven bones. Eleven times tthe bone was broken off part way, then ripped off. Twenty one times total, after the first, the man would continue with a thoughtful, "Maybe one more," before the next piece came off. Finally, there was nothing left but a hole.
"Much better!" the man said proudly. "You're looking more and more human by the minute! Now to seal the hole!"
And then the shackles were gone. Fenris could hear a fire as he was dragged across the floor. His newest wound touched the ground and he screamed, jerking and getting it off of it. The man's tray of "toys" crashed to the ground. One of the blades stabbed into Fenris's leg in the front just as he was thrown to the ground on his knees and head.
"Don't worry, that hole's about to be all gone," the man said.
And then the small of Fenris's back was on fire. Something was touching the hole, and there was a hissing, sizzling sound that rivalled Fenris's scream. And Fenris could smell meat. Finally, the object left and Fenris collapsed, sobbing, and trembling, and gripping the knife. The man lifted him and Fenris yanked. And then he was on the ground. The knife was in the man's face, and he was safe. For a few moments. But he had to leave. But the door was guarded.
The tunnel wasn't though. He grabbed another knife as he fled into it, fear carrying him. At the other end, he took off at a sprint. A guard rounded the corner, and Fenris suddenly found himself with the guard's sword, using it for support as he continued, a fresh stab wound in his gut. He was at a set of stairs. He began to climb and found a door. It was locked, so he used the sword to break it open. Two guards on the other side turned, but Fenris killed them. He was getting good at it. He continued to flee. He made it outside, to the garden. And there was the bitch. Eyes wide with fear and surprise. And there was the sword through her heart. Fenris ran. He left the sword where it had been, and he ran. And he ran. And ran. And ran. He ran until the old man found him. The one that has saved him. That had trained him as a mercenary. Taught him to fight. The old man that had tried to kill him. The old man that had betrayed him. The one he had killed.
This was what it was to care. This pain. This hell. So he didn't want it. He didn't need it. Money didn't betray. It was neutral. It was perfect. It was never any more good or evil than the man who had it. Like a weapon. Money was a weapon. So it was what he wanted. What he needed. All he needed.
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