-UPDATED- Changed the name Speedy to Kid Flash (Wow. Not sure how I made that mistake.)
Warning: This chapter is rated M. And oh yeah, if you're a fan of Robin you might want to skip it. May Trigon have mercy on his soul.
Warning: Some of the imagery in this chapter might be triggering to some people.
This chapter is meant to be funny. If I missed the mark by too much please let me know.
An Erotic Experience with the Mad Vandal
Beast Boy made his way down to the garage, knowing someone had to check on Cyborg, but, much as he loved the guy, he wished it wasn't him. Things often got strange around the crazed Titan. It'll be okay, he told himself as nervous sweat ran down his back, followed by a chilled tingle that forewarned of horrible things to come. It's not like he can make that alarm of his any worse. Can he? Beat Boy gulped, trembling violently as he approached the garage which, since Superman had flipped the tower over, was now on the top floor of Titan's Tower. No, not the alarm, the scared teenager admitted with relief, but what if he . . . . Knowing all too well the sort of things a master prankster like the Mad Vandal could come up with the fear returned.
"Hey, old friend," the shapeshifter called out, trying to sound upbeat and cheerful as the doors slid open. "What's the big guy up to today?"
Cyborg, who to an admittedly very short Beast Boy, looked much like a very large and scary, towering mountain of jet black metal, grunted as he stood to stare down at the annoyance. Scowling, he looked ready to kill.
"Nice going taking down Cinderblock like that," Beast Boy said, still pretending to be upbeat. "You taught him not to mess with the biggest and baddest of the Titans."
The scowl deepened, while the murderous look intensified.
"Big and bad," Beast Boy added with a fake smile, hoping his friend would find no fault with the compliments. The hope faded when that friend pointed a very dangerous sonic cannon at him, snarling like a cornered lion as he did so.
"You think it's funny?" Cyborg roared. "Admit it."
"N-no," Beast Boy yelped, wondering whether he should dodge to the left behind the T-car, or make a run back towards the doors.
"You think I'm bad," the Mad Vandal fumed with even his one human eye glinting an eerie red in the light of the garage.
"Bad," Beast Boy nodded. "Very very bad. No one dares mess with the baddest of the bad."
"You admit it," Cyborg said in a dark tone that would've done Trigon proud. "You admit it."
Beast Boy nodded, knowing that he and his best pal were definitely not on the same wavelength; that soon he would wish he'd made a run for the hills when Robin had ordered him to check on their deranged friend.
Cyborg made a big show of manually adjusting the power output of his sonic cannon, setting the weapon to maximum destruction. He grinned demonically as he did so, eyes blazing like something out of a nightmare. "Time for the grass stain to became a dead grass stain," he said and the weaponed blasted forth its fury, smashing a hole in the wall, causing the tower to shudder.
Beast Boy sobbed, having just managed to duck behind the T-car in the nick of time. "Can't we talk this out?" he pleaded, eyes frantically plotting his next move.
"Talking is what got you into this mess," Cyborg said while marching around the front of the car.
"True," the shapeshifter admitted, becoming a rat which quickly scurried around the T-car, keeping it between him and certain death.
"You think that just because I'm a freak who had his penis blown off that I don't have a penis," Cyborg snarled, lifting the T-car and throwing it at the rat called Beast Boy. "You think calling me big is funny. Don't you?"
Having managed to make a frantic leap to safety, the shapeshifter had no time to reply as the sonic cannon sought him out again. "Eek," was the only sound he made as he raced to the T-car which he hid under. A large section of the floor vanished when the cannon roared, causing the car to tip with a single wheel in the hole.
"Baddest of the bad, huh?" Cyborg muttered, giving the T-car a kick which caused it to slide several feet. "You think I'm that bad in bed, don't you? You think that's why Bumblebee prefers another girl to a man? You think I'm so bad that I made her gay."
"No dude," a panic-stricken Beast Boy sobbed. He went to jump in the hole when a powerful, metal hand grabbed him to slam him against a wall, causing him to revert to his human form. "I'm so sorry," he cried. "I didn't mean it like that." The eyes of shapeshifter went wide when the sonic cannon rose to aim at them from less than six inches away.
"You want to see big?" Cyborg asked, breathing hard. "I'll show you big. Look down."
"I don't want to," Beast Boy replied, gulping. Then, when the cannon whined, powering up, he relented and obeyed. The boy gasped.
A hole had opened in the crotch of the Mad Vandal's metal armor while rock music blasted forth from . . . somewhere. From the hole a black rubber tip emerged. Bulbous and terrifyingly huge it took several seconds to fully emerge. It was followed by a black metal shaft that slowly extended. To Beast Boy's horror it was approaching him, threatening to touch him. Quickly, more than just a little distraught, the fear-struck boy placed his feet against Cyborg's waist and tried to push him away. The thing continued it slow and dreadful approach.
"I made a better one," Cyborg crowed. "I made a penis that can beat anyone's." He giggled hysterically. "It's thirty solid inches of interlocking titanium pipes that's six inches in diameter. No lady can keep a straight face when she sees it.
That I can understand, Beast Boy sobbed in terror, still trying to push the Titan away, to keep that two-and-half-foot monstrosity from touching him. "Help," he screamed, hoping someone would hear him, knowing that even his fellow Titans might not answer the call when it came to the garage and the Mad Vandal. "Help, oh please, help."
"But don't think it shoots blanks," the ranting Titan continued. "Oh no." He giggled again, sounding even more deranged than he had just the minute before. "You see, my balls are nice and safe in a bank vault. When I need to reloadcry I go there and extract a gallon of sperm. That's more than enough to impress the ladies." Cyborg laughed. "Oh yes, when this baby shoots the ladies get excited. It has a PSI of ten thousand."
"Oh Azarath," Beast Boy gasped, face going white, knowing a common fire hose, which required several men to hold it down, was a mere three-hundred PSI. Ten thousand would . . . . The boy's struggles increased while his cries became much louder and much shriller. To his horror he could hear a pump working, preparing to . . . . The shapeshifter sobbed, knowing that the thing pointed at him wasn't a penis but a weapon every bit as powerful as the sonic cannon.
"Soon you'll understand just what it means to be big and bad," Cyborg panted, sounding excited in a way that sent unwanted chills down Beast Boy's spine.
"Dude, let me go," the shapeshifter shrieked, feet still placed against his would-be lover's waist with his back firmly against the wall. "Ask Robin if you're desperate. Wear a wig and I'm sure he'll say yes."
"Oh yes," Cyborg yelled, with his one eye now lit in ecstasy. "Oh yes."
"Oh no," Beast Boy wept. "Oh no."
The Mad Vandal arched his waist forward, smiling maniacally. As he did so his grip on his poor victim loosened. Beast Boy, finally managing to slip free, took off running, forgetting to change shape. He fled out the door, beating even his leopard form for speed, and raced for the elevator. On his way he passed Raven and Bumblebee who'd decided to face the music and visit their friend.
"Hit the dick . . . err . . . I mean the deck," Beast Boy howled as he streaked past them. "He's cumming, he's cumming."
Raven looked puzzled, while Bumblebee went pale and turned to flee, dragging her lover with her. It was too late as there was a sonic boom that sounded much like the sonic cannon, and the air turned white with a strange mist.
Holy doggy biscuit in the sky no, Beast Boy cried to himself, keeping his mouth firmly shut, trying not to breathe. He reached the elevator and punched at the buttons. The doors didn't close and the elevator didn't move. The boy, his faced streaked with tears, was pushed aside as Bumblebee dragged Raven into the elevator, her hand clasped over the girl's face in a death grip.
Oh yeah, Beast Boy realized as strong, brown fingers formed in the shape of a fist repeatedly slammed at the control panel. The tower is upside down, and so is the panel.
Robin and the Great Unification Plan
"It really take you that long to check on the poor guy?" Robin asked when Beast Boy entered his office.
"Yes," Beast Boy replied, not elaborating. "By the way, we're out of hot water."
"We have a fusion reactor. We can't be out of hot water."
"Tell that to the fusion reactor," the shapeshifter retorted, feeling a strong desire to add another shower to the hundred that he'd already taken.
"So, how's the poor guy?" Robin asked, deciding to get back on topic.
"Dangerous," Beast Boy replied. "Very very dangerous."
"What happened?"
"I could tell you," Beast Boy intoned, "but then I would have to kill you."
"Why?" Robin asked, looking puzzled.
"That's just the way life works."
"Is he okay?"
"Of course he's okay," Beast Boy snapped. "I'm the one who will never be the same again."
Robin looked the shapeshifter over for wounds. "What happened?"
"I could tell you," "Beast Boy repeated, "but then I would have to kill you."
The leader sighed. "No signs he's injuring himself?" he asked.
"I'm the injured party here," Beast Boy said, refusing to break down and cry.
"You're not injured," Robin insisted, looking over the shapeshifter again.
"Tell that to my psychiatrist."
"We can't afford a psychiatrist," the leader said. "You'll have to make-do with a bartender and a drink."
"I want better benefits."
"A bartender and two drinks?" Robin hopefully countered. "Donations are sort of down this month."
"I wonder why," Beast Boy muttered.
"No idea. Must be an off-season," the leader said with a shrug.
"Certainly nothing to do with those flyers we've all seen in town," the shapeshifter replied with a frown. "You know, the ones with 'Save a Virgin - Kill a Titan,' on them."
"Certainly not," Robin replied with a fake smile.
"Or that the Mayor has declared us public enemy number one and put a five-thousand-dollar reward out with the Prankster Club of Jump City for every humiliating photo they can get of us?"
"Never heard of them," Robin quipped.
"Or that he pardoned Fang and offered him a million dollars for your head?"
"Well," Robin gulped, rubbing his neck, "the mayor has yet to give us his usual monthly donation."
"I bet."
Robin shook his head. "You're just jealous," he exclaimed. "I got all the girls while the one you like took one look at you and ran off with another girl."
Beast Boy nodded. "Damn right I'm jealous. I get zero and you get forty-five."
Robin blinked, stunned by the casual confession. "Much more than forty-five," he admitted.
"No way. How many?"
"A gentleman never tells, . . . ."
Beast Boy, in the form of a massive gorilla, reached over and pulled Boy Wonder from his chair. "A better question might be, where did you get the money for all those rings?"
Robin gulped. "Not from the Titans' finances," he managed to squeak, hoping to reassure the boy.
"Hrmph." Beast Boy let the leader fall back into his seat.
"I would never do that," Robin claimed, looking slightly miffed. "Trust me, I have the bills to prove it." He gulped, turning white. "Lots and lots of bills in fact."
"Yeah. Forty-five wedding rings would cost . . . ."
"Try in the thousands," Robin smirked.
"Impossible," Beast Boy yelped. "There's just one of you."
"Nothing is impossible for a Titan."
"I still don't believe it."
"I have the videos to prove it," Robin countered, still smirking. "To prove everything?"
"Everything?" Beast Boy wondered aloud.
"Everything," Robin affirmed.
"Everything?"
Robin just grinned.
Beast Boy, feeling a little queasy, sat down. "Everything?"
"If you want some pointers on seduction just ask." Robin grinned. "I'll lend you some tapes."
"If those get out you're dead, you know."
"You don't know the half of it," Robin admitted, looking a little fearful. "At least none of my more villainous conquests were at that ball."
"Villainous?"
"You know, like Madame Rouge." Robin's eyes glazed over. "Oh wow, what she could do with that enhanced body of hers."
Beast Boy gulped. "No way."
"Yes way," came the almost seductive reply of Boy Wonder who still had a silly smirk on his face.
Beast Boy frowned, feeling like a loser. "My benefits?" he asked, needing to change the subject.
"A bartender and two drinks," Robin firmly stated.
Beast Boy closed his eyes and took a deep breath, vividly recalling how the closest he'd ever come to sex was his recent inhaling of the Mad Vandal's . . . ." The poor boy gulped, shuddering. "Villains have better benefits," he stated, almost crying. "They get counseling in jail."
"True," Robin admitted. "And with so many women prison guards there are other benefits as well."
Beast Boy frowned, staring up at the ceiling. "There are also certain benefits to being a shapeshifter," he mused.
"Such as?"
"Oh," Beast Boy said with a grin, staring his fearless leader in the eye. "If someone, say a certain short and spiky-haired leader, was to get an incurable case of herpes, no one would point the finger at a certain green and lovable shapeshifter."
Robin paused in thought. "You can't become a herpes virus," he stated a few seconds later, feeling rather confident of his deduction. "It's not an animal."
"I can become an amoeba, as you already know." Beast Boy's feral grin shook the leader to his core. "Imagine the headlines. Imagine Superman paying us another visit. Imagine the Flash dropping by once again. Imagine the Hulk crying 'Hulk Smash' with you beneath those fists. Imagine what Madame Rouge will do when she reads the news."
Boy Wonder gulped. "Just a second," he gasped. "I'm sure we can find a way to get you to a psychiatrist."
"I'm listening."
Robin ran a hand through his hair, thinking desperately. "I have a plan to get Cyborg back to normal," he finally said.
"And this ties into my seeing a shrink, how?" Beast Boy asked, not feeling very charitable towards his best pal.
"Well, the guy loves the team," Robin said. "If it was to get broken he would work to get it back together. He would remember Raven is his little sister, so to speak. He would remember that you and he are pals."
"For your information the team is already broken," Beast Boy needlessly informed the leader in a solemn tone. "You don't see Starfire around anywhere, do you?"
Robin clenched his fists and then relaxed them. "She'll be back," he stated, sounding more hopeful than sure.
Beast Boy frowned, staring at the leader for a few seconds. "And the plan?" he asked with a sigh.
"If the team falls apart Cy will try to fix it," Robin said, relieved to be off the subject of Starfire. "We need a broken team and a good enemy to fight. With Cy putting the fear of the Mad Vandal into them it's all too easy now. There's nothing to hold us together."
"And," Beast Boy prompted.
"I was thinking Raven, but you would be perfect," Robin said, continuing to explain the plan. "You abandon the Titans and play the part of a villain. Cy will be so freaked out and worried that nothing will stop him from going after you."
"And my psychiatrist?" Beast Boy intoned, remembering the white mist that he'd inhaled, wondering just how many sperm had been in it.
"Well, when you're captured they'll place you in jail," Robin said, smiling. "There you will be able to see a counselor."
"But I'll be a villain." The boy tilted his head. "Though right now that doesn't seem like such a bad career change."
"No," Robin countered with a smirk. "You'll be undercover seeking information on villains. Or at least that's what we'll claim. Want the job?"
Beast Boy gave it a few seconds thought. On the bright side he might get to see a psychiatrist. Assuming he was caught, that is. But, on the not-so-bright side, he wasn't so sure the mayor would be willing to accept the 'undercover' excuse. His reputation, what he had of one, would be ruined. The boy frowned, lips pursed. I won't be the one who will have to check on Cy, he suddenly realized. "I'm in," the suddenly ecstatic shapeshifter yelped. "When do I start?"
"Let's say midnight tonight," Robin said, smiling. "I'll have to explain it to Raven and Bumblebee first. No need to make things worse than they are."
Beast Boy nodded. "So I act the villain until I'm caught?" he asked, wanting to make sure of the rules.
"Exactly,"
Turning to leave Beast Boy paused. "Please don't tell me the reason you were thinking of Raven for this job to was to get Bumblebee alone. Please say it wasn't."
Robin shrugged. "I swear, it wasn't," he said with honesty. "Great as she is in bed, Bumblebee is now off limits."
Beast Boy blinked, then deciding he didn't want to know he rushed from the room.
"Well, that's taken care of," Robin said to himself. "Now to find Raven and Bumblebee."
"We're out of hot water," Raven intoned, rising from the floor like some supernatural apparition.
"We can't be. We have a fusion reaction," Robin answered, shivering in terror, knowing he was doomed if the half-demon girl had heard his comment about Bumblebee.
"We're out of hot water," the girl repeated.
Robin frowned, studying the decided attractive woman. For two whole seconds he resisted the urge. "You know, you shouldn't settle down until you're sure," he said, giving in to temptation.
"Uh?" Raven said, blinking.
"Being gay and all that," the boy explained with a dazzling smile. "No one need ever know, but with me I can assure you that you will never want to look at another woman ever again."
Raven tilted her head and frowned. "You're saying you want to have sex with me?" she intoned.
Stomach dropping, and with icy fear in his veins, Robin gulped. "Well . . . ."
Raven smirked. "Are you into group sex?" she asked. "Cause I know the perfect place."
Robin blinked, startled. With images of Raven and Bumblebee rolling around together in his mind he nodded.
Both Raven and Robin disappeared from the room. Left behind on the floor, with the exception of his mask, was Robin's clothes.
Jinx and Kid Flash : Flash Swallows
As a Falcon Beast Boy flew through the sky, pondering his new role as a villain. While he'd often idly wondered what it was like to be a villain, he'd never really given it serious thought. Now, with less than an hour to go before he could unleash his inner demon, he was struggling to understand just what he should do. Merely hitting bank after bank like Adonis didn't seem proper. At least not without a larger plan. But, try as he might, he couldn't think of a plan that didn't seem small and silly. This was his one chance to make an impression and he didn't want to mess it up.
Let's see, the boy mused, having already discarded a hundred or more ideas. I could train seagulls to use the mayor's house as a bathroom. He shook his head. Nay, too silly and it doesn't lead to a larger plan.
Maybe I could clog the city sewer system with amoeba and then demand they surrender. Once again the frustrated boy sighed and shook his head. I could, but what would I do after they surrender; I have no way to unclog the sewers.
Perhaps robotic dog whistles that could storm the city. All the barking would drive everyone crazy and they would . . . . Nay. Too silly.
The shapeshifter's sharp eyes focused on some shattered glass and, almost by instinct, he dove toward it. Seconds later he shifted to his human form, looking in through the broken window of a jewelry store. To his shock he saw Kid Flash's girlfriend, Jinx, gathering rings from a display case with her back to the window.
"Does it suit me?" the girl pondered aloud, holding up a particularly pretty ring that glimmered violet. "Nay." She chucked it in a bag and moved on to another.
Jinx? Stealing? Beast Boy shook his head, confused. Isn't she one of the good guys now? He studied the girl for a few more seconds, noting that she was pretty. Very pretty. Of course he'd always known that, but with Raven around everyone else had seemed to pale in comparison. Now, on the other hand, he stood frozen as he watched the girl gracefully move around trying on rings and bracelets. Her voice as she quietly whispered to herself was almost hypnotic. The sway of her hips, . . . .
Beast Boy shook his head, clearing the not exactly unwanted images from his mind. If she's stealing then she's a thief and it's my job to catch her. I'll wait until the rest of the team shows up and we'll handle her together. Those hexes of hers can hurt. The boy rubbed his head, recalling past encounters with the sorceress and her brutal ability to bludgeon that head of his. Handling the girl was team work. As a rat he scurried out of sight.
"Jinx. What are you doing?" Kid Flash demanded, having seemed to appear out of nowhere.
"What does it look like, idiot?" the girl muttered nastily, her voice no longer pleasant sounding.
"But, you're one of the good guys now. You're my girlfriend."
"What about Paula?" the girl asked, face twisted into an ugly snarl.
Unseen by the two, safely out of sight in a back room, a green rat did a facepalm with its paw.
"Who?" Kid Flash pretended to be innocent.
"Tall, lithe, blonde, best lover you ever had," Jinx retorted. "Ring any bells?"
"Oh, her." Kid Flash cringed. "How did you know? I assure you she meant nothing."
"Right," Jinx fumed. "Best lover ever and she meant nothing. What am I? Your worst?"
"Jinx honey, they meant nothing. I had to say that . . . ."
"They?" Jinx's voice was icy cold.
Kid Flash gulped. "Slip of tongue. There's no one else."
"What about Cammy?"
I-I'm not sure who you mean."
"Short, pretty, smart, best breasts ever," Jinx immediately replied. "What are my breasts? Worst ever?"
"Jinx honey," Kid Flash started.
"Don't forget Callie, or Veronica, or Kelly, or . . . ." Jinx let out a scream of pure fury.
Ghostly pale, Kid Flash gulped. "I have a super-fast metabolism," he tried to explain. "One minute after we're done and it's been like days since we did it. An hour and it's months. It's torture to be around the prettiest girl in the world and have to wait what seems like years between sex. You drive me wild."
"Oh," Jinx said with a smile, seeming to calm down.
"You're the best, honey." Kid Flash smiled back at the girl.
"So I'm just sex, but Paula, she's a lover?"
"No." Kid Flash tried to backtrack.
"Not that you're much," Jinx admitted with a cold, unforgiving smile. "One second and you're done. Imagine what that's like to me. It's like no sex, period. It's like someone shoved a freaking curling iron in me."
"My metabolism . . . ."
"You can obviously slow it down enough to talk girls into sex," Jinx viciously retorted.
"Around you I lose control," Kid Flash said, pleading.
"Not just around me," the girl countered. "After you sent me to the hospital when you ignited my pubic hair thrusting so fast, the nurse mentioned I was the third one that day." Jinx paused to take a deep breath, eyes radiating demonic fury. "So I checked the hospital records. Over two-freaking-thousand girls with their pubic hair on fire. Over two-freaking-thousand girls with third-degree burns inside their . . . ."
In the back room the green rat's fur turned white.
"I can explain . . . ."
"Explain this."
The rat backed away from the door, returning to human form. Beast Boy shook his head and glanced at the time. Quarter to twelve. He figured the team would soon show up and he could have a last minute discussion with Robin before the plan went into action. As for Jinx, Kid Flash would have no trouble handling her. Powerful as she was the boy was just too fast. In more ways than one, he mused and shook the image from his mind. He looked around the room which seemed to be mainly used for storage. The boy then shook his head again as he pondered his future, trying to shake evil thoughts from his mind. Never in his life had he felt so . . . vicious. Over two-freaking-thousand girls. The words repeated in his mind on an endless loop. Two thousand to zero.
Kid Flash was fast, and the battle should've gone to him. But Jinx knew the boy and knew there was only one chance of winning - which was something she desperately wanted. She cast her hexes as fast as she could in random directions, hoping for a chance hit. For once the unlucky girl got lucky. Several hexes were deftly dodged by a super-fast Kid Flash. But the hexes hit the window, which with it being dark outside acted as a mirror. Jinx was halfway wrapped in rope when one of the hexes bounced off the window and struck Kid Flash in the leg. Another hit the rope, causing it to slip from her, falling instead around the boy's feet, tangling them. The girl, proud and resolute in her fury, didn't stop her rain of hexes.
Hobbled as he was, Kid Flash was still fast, and he raced around the room, forced now to keep his distance. Moving in baby steps, which all the rope around his feet allowed, he evaded hex after hex. Several times the boy tried to close in on the girl only to be forced back. At his slower than normal speed he needed room to avoid the hexes. He tried to untangle his feet, but with hexes sometimes making two or three bounces off mirror-like surfaces he had no time.
"Bastard," Jinx screamed. "Bastard. I gave up my life as a villain for you. But you're worse than any of them."
"Even Slade?" Kid Flash asked, gasping for breath.
"Well, . . . almost everyone," Jinx relented. "Bad as you are in bed, it doesn't kill a girl. Just makes her want to kill you."
"We can make it work," Kid Flash insisted, ducking beneath a hex that flew over his head.
"You made it work with over two-thousand girls," Jinx fumed. "I think that's enough working. Time for some breaking."
"You don't mean that." The boy tried to duck another hex and almost made it. Lucky for him it only grazed his hair which suddenly stood on end.
"We'll see," the girl said, making it a promise. The hexes continued to fly from her hands.
"What can you hope to gain by becoming a thief?" Kid Flash asked, tripping when a hex struck his feet. He stood back up but was even slower than before. "Come back to me, honey."
"Don't honey me," the girl raged, managing to up the speed at which she was sending hexes flying. "I betrayed my friends for you."
"They were villains."
"And you're a cheater," Jinx countered. "What makes you better than them?"
"I don't hurt people."
"There're over two-thousand vaginas that say otherwise," the girl countered. "Two-thousand lots of pubic hair that met an untimely death. I think it's time you met yours."
Kid Flash ran, aiming for the door. A ruthless onslaught of hexes blocked his way. He dove for the counter, only to have three hexes bounce from a window and head his way. He ducked beneath a display case, only to run headlong into a hex that'd made the long journey of bouncing from a window to a mirror and back to the window before smacking him in the back of the neck. He went flying, slamming into a wall.
"Good-bye you bastard," Jinx roared in glee as she took careful aim. The strong arms of a gorilla wrapped around her, carefully trapping her hands as well as pinning her arms.
"What's going on?" Beast Boy asked, hoping they would think he'd just arrived. He doubted the two would take kindly to him having heard their lover's quarrel.
"Let me go," Jinx screamed, ramming her head backwards. Thankfully she only managed to hit the gorilla's chest. To no avail she stamped on a large, hairy foot with her platform shoes. The arms around her tightened. The enraged girl tried to kick backwards, aiming for the groin. That caused a fearsome growl of pain from the creature but still failed to set her free.
"Crime never pays," Kid Flash said, standing. "Whatever happened between us, you're now a villain." He sounded sad as he carefully approached the girl to wrap her in rope.
"When I get the chance I'm going to be a fucking murderer," Jinx fumed, snapping at the boy with her teeth, hoping for just one bite. "Womankind will thank me."
Backing away, looking a bit pale, Kid Flash gulped.
"Call the police," Beast Boy suggested. "You should probably hand her over to them as soon as possible." He looked at the time, wondering where the Titans were. It was five to twelve. Briefly the worried boy wondered what was causing them to be so late.
"When I'm ready," Kid Flash said, casually turning away to ignore the boy who'd just saved his life.
Beast Boy shrugged. "Your funeral."
"We could've made it work," Kid Flash said to Jinx. "You didn't have to throw it all away. I'll make up an excuse for you. Come back."
Jinx, still tied up, lunged forward with her teeth snapping. Kid Flash literally lost the skin of his nose - at least on the tip.
"I'll say it's all a mistake," Kid Flash said, still optimistic. He eyed Beast Boy who appeared to be just out of hearing range. "I'll tell everyone it was a setup for a training session but you got the wrong address. That it was all a mistake."
"Bastard," Jinx growled. "A mistake is what you made when you pissed me off. A fatal one."
Kid Flash shook his head. "I love you," he insisted. "I would do anything for you."
"Except stay faithful," Jinx countered. "Except trust me."
Beast Boy gently tapped his finger on a display case, studying the bright and sparkly goods within. He imagined they were worth a pretty penny. They also appeared to be up for grabs with the lax security the store had. He glanced at the time - two minutes to twelve and still no Titans. At least none from his team. And no police. Idly the boy let his ears stay focused on Kid Flash and Jinx. The whole situation had him puzzled, as well as fuming. Then there was the burning envy. But the more he thought about it the more he realized the envy wasn't from the many many conquests Robin and Speedy had made. Jinx was a spunky girl who'd sparked his interest, though not sexually, even when she'd been a villain. Smart, determined, and confident, if a bit too angry at life, she was interesting. He didn't know how to put it better than that, interesting. Then there was Starfire who was smart as well as overly caring. Having abandoned the role of a princess to be a Titan she was spunky in her own way. Both were gems when it came to women - the one in a million catch that most men could only dream of. But both had been thrown away, or at least had their trust brutally abused.
The time chimed, announcing twelve midnight.
"Okay," Beast Boy said, looking away from the display case. "It's twelve and that means I'm off the clock as a hero." He became a gorilla that smashed the display case. Back in human form he started gathering the loot, dumping it in a sack he'd found in the storage room.
"Off the clock?" Kid Flash asked, looking away from Jinx. "Heroes don't go off the clock." He watched as the shapeshifter stuffed handfuls of rings into a bag, unable to understand the sudden change.
Jinx blinked, studying the joke of the Titans - the shapeshifter who no one took too seriously. At least not usually, though he had proved himself to be capable on the very rare occasion.
"Yep," Beast Boy said, tossing a grin towards the two. "Until called back I'm off duty as a hero. My role was switched to that of a villain." He shrugged. "Don't ask why. It's personal."
"You can't switch roles like that," Kid Flash insisted.
"Why not? People change jobs all the time," Beast Boy countered. "Hero, villain, painter, plumber, . . . . It's all the same."
"It's not," Kid Flash declared, still just watching as the store was looted.
"Why not?" Beast Boy repeated. "If it can't be done, then tell me why not?" The boy shook his head, having learned a few things from all his arguments with Raven. "I have examples that they can," he explained. "So prove to me that it can't be done. How can those examples exist if it can't be done? The mere existence of those examples proves I'm right."
Hearing the shapeshifter try to use logic both Kid Flash and Jinx blinked and looked at each other, their dispute momentarily forgotten.
"It doesn't work like that," Kid Flash countered.
Beast Boy shook his head again, deciding they were getting nowhere. "You do realize you have a villain robbing a store while you're just standing there," he said, raising an eyebrow at the boy.
"But . . . ." Kid Flash shook his own head, needing time to think, to understand the situation. "Are you sure you want to do this?" he asked, not wanting to end the career of a fellow Titan, or annoy the Titans' leader, Robin.
"I got to," Beast Boy replied. "It's the only way."
"The only way to what?"
"To get to see a psychiatrist," Beast Boy explained. He didn't go into the details of his encounter with the Mad Vandal and the Penis of Destruction, and certainly not how he'd inhaled. Those details were for the psychiatrist only.
"Psychiatrist?" Kid Flash asked. He looked at Jinx who just shrugged helplessly.
Beast Boy smashed another display case, this one filled with bracelets. "The thing about being a villain," he explained, "is I don't have a clue what to do with this stuff." The boy looked over at Jinx. "Help me pawn it and I'll untie you," he offered.
"Deal," the girl immediately replied. While she was as confused as Kid Flash she knew a bargain when she heard one. Not that she expected the shapeshifter would be able to deliver.
Beast Boy smiled at the girl. "Good. I really need the help."
"Sorry," Kid Flash said. "I don't know what you're up to, but it's my duty as a hero to stop you."
Beast Boy resisted the urge to blink as the orange-haired boy dashed forward. Normally he wouldn't be able to see the Titan move, but Jinx had hit him with a hex in both a leg and a foot; it made the difference.
Kid Flash, for his own part, did blink when his fist passed through the spot where his foe had stood. He blinked again when he realized his fist wasn't hitting anything because it was in the mouth of a massive, three-ton, thirty-foot crocodile. He blinked a third time when that mouth closed around his arm and his head.
Beast Boy gently, at least as gently as he could, placed the Titan on the ground and crawled over him. Then he became a gorilla. "Trust me," he said, smiling down at the super-fast boy. "You don't want to move too fast now."
"Why?" the furious boy asked. He hated to be defeated at the best of times, but to be so easily slapped down in front of his girlfriend was intolerable.
"Because you might get some of this in your mouth," came the immediate reply, and Beast Boy pressed a condom filled some white fluid over his foe's mouth. He gently held it in place for several seconds before letting it go. Then he repeated it with two more condoms before standing.
Kid Flash swallowed with absolute terror written all over his face. "Not real," he managed to squeak around the ever so fragile, yet fearsome shackles.
Beast Boy shrugged. "Don't worry. It's not mine," he said, grinning down at the horror-struck boy. "You see, I was in the process of running an errand for some pet stores when I saw you and Jinx here. They like to breed animals on the side which sometimes requires a courier to transfer some genetic material for impregnating a choice specimen." The amused boy tapped at a condom, sending the fluid dangerously close to his foe's now white lips. "That's from an Akita." Seeing the confused expression Kid Flash gave him, he explained, "it's a type of Japanese dog."
Hearing the word dog Jinx burst out laughing while the object of her humor cringed. Kid Flash glared a murderous look up at the shapeshifter.
"Now," Beast Boy said, standing. "Back to work." He walked over to Jinx and with a smile unknotted the rope. He gave the girl a twirl, unwrapping it from around her.
Kid Flash went to tear the condoms from his lips, but the movement caused the horrifying fluid to jiggle, almost entering his mouth. If he was to pull it could be disastrous. The only way to save his dignity was to get something sharp and pierce the bottom. But even moving his head would . . . . He cringed, sobbing. Tilting his eyes upward he saw Jinx grinning down at him with the fury in her own eyes rekindled and burning strong.
Jinx grinned, teeth bared. She knew the liquid was merely glue mixed with water. The shapeshifter had whispered it to her when he'd untied her. But what her ex-boyfriend didn't know would hurt him - it would hurt him a lot. Taking slow and careful aim, the sorceress threw one hex after another into the groin of the boy, raining her fury upon the one object she despised.
Kid Flash felt the pain, an agony that was like fire, while his mind played dreadful scenarios of what the curses would do to his manhood. Yet he didn't move an inch.
"We could've made it work," Jinx said, finally ceasing the torture, instead wiping at her tears. "Even after you'd cheated once we could've. I loved you so much. But not two-thousand times. No one with any pride would. Even if you had needs I couldn't fulfill we could've talked it over and done something. But you cheated on me and you didn't trust me. It's over." Head held high, fists clenched, she turned away. Seeing the store had been fully looted and the shapeshifter was resting at the far end, pretending he couldn't hear every word they said, she marched his way, pausing only to grab her half-filled bag of loot.
"Don't expect any gratitude for untying me," the girl stated. "I was beating the snot out of him when you ambushed me, remember."
"I won't," Beast Boy said, resisting the urge to smile. "I would say I was sorry for interrupting, but I would be lying. As a hero I had to."
Five minutes later Bumblebee, alone, came bursting into the store. "What's going on?" she asked Speedy, giving him a tap on the shoulder. The boy jumped, startled, then let out a terrifying cry of horror that could be heard for miles.
The dark-skinned girl took a step back. "What's wrong?" she asked, worried. "I can't find anyone. Not Penis Brain. I mean Robin. I can't find Robin. Raven has disappeared. Cyborg is . . . busy. And why are you drinking from used condoms?"
Robin and Raven : A Blowjob Story
The spiky-haired boy slowly stirred to consciousness, aware only of the intense pleasure that embraced his nether regions. Hmmm, Robin quietly sighed, deciding he could wait to open his eyes. Instead the happy Titan let his whole body relax as he focused on the pleasure and only the pleasure. "Honey, you're so good," he murmured, knowing he had to keep the woman, whoever it was, happy as well. Compliments did that.
"Ah. Oh wow. The best ever," he said seconds later, knowing it was true. Whoever it was, and despite whoever it meant he'd made angry this time around, it was worth it for this and this alone. "Mmmm" A tiny nip on the tip of his elated manhood caused the engorged organ to quiver in ecstasy. Amazed at how just a tiny hint of pain made the pleasure seem to blossom into something divine the soon to be raptured boy let out another moan. "Oh wow. Oh wow," he whispered to the girl, almost purring. "You're a goddess."
As the all too brief minutes passed the euphoria peaked, forcing Robin to emit several brief screams of elation, knowing this was something he would never experience again. It was too divine, too pure, to ever be reached more than once in a single life. He'd reached his peak, had accomplished all that he'd set out to do, and could rest knowing there was a heaven; a heaven that he'd seen.
"Oh god," he muttered when that tongue went to work on him again, and the pleasure started to build. Can I ever be so lucky, the raptured boy wondered. Then a tiny spark of reason flickered in his mind, causing him to wonder, How can I be getting a blowjob when I'm lying face down? The boy finally opened his eyes and let out a shocked scream of abject terror that spoke of nightmares as bad as anything Trigon wielded. "Oh God. Help," Robin screamed, futilely thrashing to escape, to run from the unrelenting horror that stood below him.
Frantically the horror-struck and now severely traumatized boy struggled to move his arms. Then his legs. Both were firmly tied down with his fingers secured. There was no hope of escape that way. Crying, with the tears streaming in rivers down his too-pale face, he tried to lift his precious genitals to safety. The boy, terror-stricken to feel something slide deep and hard into his behind, emitted a sharp yelp of pain and despair.
"Mommy," Robin started to cry, then paused. "Oh God, help," he screamed. The boy paused for a second time, knowing this was something he didn't want anyone to see, not ever.
From the strength a thousand battles had given him, Robin slowed his breathing. I'm tied down, the boy noted, having to focus hard to not let the panic overwhelm him. There's no chance of getting my hands or legs free. There's something above me, feels like a metal rod, that's stuck in my behind. I can't thrash around too much or it will . . . . The Titan, more scared than he'd ever been before in his life, struggled valiantly to control the raw hysteria that could lead only to disaster. A minute later, his terror under control, he continued his assessment of the situation. And below me there are eight gigantic dogs vying to see who can rip off my most prized possession and use it as a doggy treat.
Robin took another deep breath, watching the dogs with eyes that expected doom at any second. Seven of his canine lovers were leaping around, managing to get in the occasional nip or two. The blood dripping from the tip of endangered manhood spoke of past attempts that'd come way too close. The eighth, a strange beast with intelligent looking eyes and golden fur, was smarter. She would wait and time her leaps, using the backs of the others. Thankfully she seemed less interested in biting than in . . . . The boy gulped, not sure what the creature was interested in, or that he wanted to know. He was just grateful she hadn't taken what the others wanted - a tasty snack. Weirdly enough they made hardly any sound, too focused with a scary intensity on the penis that dangled down through the wire mesh of the dog pen.
Robin tried a third deep breath. I'm out of shots, he decided. Or will be after this. My penis will shrivel up and be out of range. Maybe then I can press down hard enough with my body to escape the rod that's in my butt. Then I can apply some force to whatever was used to tie me down. I can get free. No one ever needs to know. No one but me and whoever did this. Inside the boy the boundless confident that'd driven him through many a dangerous situation rose and blossomed. Then his eyes focused on a small cardboard packet that'd been half trampled into the dirt by the dogs. On it were the words: Viagra - 30 extra strength doses. The shriek of anguish as his hopes were dashed bellowed across the city. Robin knew full well what effect the drug would have on him. He would be here until . . . .
"Oh god no," the now defeated boy whispered a second later, seeing for the first time what lay in the distance, feeling a cold sweat run down his back. His doom was certain and he couldn't even remember who'd done it to him. A mere two-hundred feet away, barely visible in the rising sun, was a large building with words of inescapable doom on its front. The words read: Jumpy City Elementary School. In the boy's mind his life flashed before his eyes. There would be no escape . . . unless . . . . In his now unglued mind the deranged and inconsolable boy fervently prayed it was a Saturday or Sunday.