The Deep Fear of Retribution
"No, I'm too afraid," Beast Boy said, voice quivering.
Jinx blinked, too startled to think, to even comprehend what the boy had said. "Huh?"
"What if Kid Flash sees me?"
"You didn't seem too worried about that yesterday?" the girl countered.
"He'll be back on his feet by now, hunting me, ready to . . . do horrible things to me."
"You should've thought of that before you pranked him."
"I wasn't thinking ahead," the boy admitted, head in his hands.
"Too late now," Jinx said with a careless shrug. "It's the life of a villain to make people angry. Being angry is a natural reaction when you attack them or the things they care about."
"But . . . ."
"No buts," Jinx snapped. "We need to do more robberies or commit an equal criminal act. Sure it's not exactly villainous, but we will need cash and you need practice."
"But . . . ." Beast Boy yelped and fell flat on his back when another double shot of hexes hit him. Consisting of four hexes, two from each hand cast in near zero time, he'd learned it was the girl's signature move when dealing with uncooperative teammates. Much like Raven's habit of casting him out into the ocean when he annoyed her, it hurt.
"Okay, combat practice then," the irate girl stated, meaning she was about to beat some sense into the boy.
"Combat practice?" Beast Boy asked, not quite whining. "Here? Now? With no practice field?" He was slammed in the chest with another double shot of hexes.
"For crying out loud, at least try to dodge," Jinx bellowed in fury, eyes blazing.
Beast Boy ran, now understanding just why the small girl had been leader of the H.I.V.E. Five. She was scary. Perhaps almost as scary as Raven.
"Fight, you wimp," Jinx called after the fleeing leopard. She sent more hexes towards the animal, then took off running after it.
Two hours later, both sweaty and tired, the two villains collapsed in what appeared to have been the office of some high-level administrator within the jail. It was furnished with several chairs, two couches, an excessively large desk, several file cabinets, a television, and a computer that'd never been removed. It also had the benefit of a working fridge from which Jinx pulled two sodas. "You don't deserve it," she said, "but here." She tossed one of the cans at the boy who caught it.
"Thing is, I have no clue how to beat someone as fast as Kid Flash," Beast Boy said. He opened the can and took a deep swallow, needing the fluids and the sugar. Jinx was no slouch when it came to practice, and he'd been near begging for mercy when she'd finally called it quits.
"I managed it, but only with the help of a decent team," Jinx answered, taking a swallow of soda herself. "He can outfight both of us with ease. We'll be tied up before we have a chance to blink." She shrugged. "Though in your case I think it'll be severely beaten instead of tied up."
"That's what I'm afraid of."
"It's not like he'll really hurt you," Jinx said, puzzled by the shapeshifter. She'd just done more harm to him than Kid Flash would and the boy hadn't made a single whimper. He'd just kept getting back up and dodging or running, except for the several times when he'd been the one attacking. She knew he'd held back a little, not wanting to hurt her, but not by much. She could make the hexes not do anything serious, but she guessed it wasn't the same when you had claws - either you did damage with them or you didn't use them at all.
"I would rather beat him again," Beast Boy said. "I just need to figure out how."
"Fat chance of that," Jinx said, flipping the tv on. "Frig," she said, sounding excited. "They even left us cable tv. Best lair ever."
"They figure the crime rate will eventually go back up," Beast Boy explained, "so they decided to not do much other than bar it off from the rest of the prison. As for the cable, the jail has one rate for the whole place. No extra cost to keep it installed here."
Jinx nodded, flipping through the channels like a maniac. The girl shook her head and gave a small laugh. "Less than two days as a villain and I'm already missing television," she admitted.
Beast Boy nodded, noting the girl had paused at a channel with unicorn figurine for sale. "If these debit cards are untraceable you can order it," he said. "I bet they would deliver it right to the jail, and so long as someone is here to pick it up they'll never expect anything out of the ordinary."
Jinx quickly switched channels.
The boy sat back, studying the girl as much as watching the tv. "Kid Flash have any weaknesses?" he asked.
There was a long pause while the girl gave the question some thought. "You probably know as much about him as I do," she said, frowning, not wanting to betray her ex. Sure she was mad as heck at him, but he'd shown her so much. It wasn't even that she wanted it to be over - it had to be over. First, and foremost, she had to protect herself. He'd had sex with over two-thousand other girls, and while meta-humans were pretty resistant to disease, they were not totally immune. He'd put her health, perhaps even her life, at risk. Though, given all the fires he'd started during the act, she doubted she had anything to worry about on that front. Then there was her pride, her dignity. If she went back how could she respect herself?
Beast Boy nodded. "Even villains have limits on what they'll do," he said. "I have no intention of giving away any of the Titan's secrets."
"The way I see it," Jinx said, "is that we have two major obstacles to being villains in this city."
"The Titans," Beast Boy said, wondering what the other was.
"No. Kid Flash and the T-car," Jinx corrected the boy. "Kid Flash, as you know, will just tear through us. He's problem number one. Then there's the T-car. We can't make a move so long as Cyborg can roar in and obliterate our ride like that. We're nothing more than sitting ducks."
"But the other Titans?"
"We can fight them," Jinx answered. "While they're tough, it wouldn't be a total slaughter. Be best to have more members though. Raven is tough." She switched channels, then hurriedly switched it again.
"Wait. Go back," Beast Boy said, almost shrieking the command.
"Kid, if you want to watch that, do it alone," Jinx retorted. In the H.I.V.E. Five the others had never listened to that order, but here she was standing firm on that rule. No porn on the tv when she was around. It always gave the guys funny ideas that she had to beat out of them.
"I think I'm ready to return those movies we rented, and to tackle Kid Flash," Beast Boy said, eyes still on the tv, recalling the lewd advertisement on the previous channel. "More than ready."
Jinx looked over at the boy, wondering at the change. "What's the plan?" she asked.
"We prank him again." Beast Boy sounded excited. "It'll be a laugh?"
"Prank? Laugh?" Are you a villain or a college frat on April Fool's day?"
"For now I'm a villain," Beast Boy said, shrugging. "Or is there a law against calling a plan a prank?"
"If there was a villain would break it," Jinx answered, smirking at the boy. "It's sort of in the job description."
Hot Gay Lovin' at the Mall
Kid Flash fixed his suit and took a drink of extra-sweet lemonade. His face was twisted in a dark frown, blue eyes distance and sad looking.
"You're ready to go," Raven said. "Try to avoid anymore used condoms, okay." She smiled, showing the words were just a light tease.
"Just make sure you have plenty of band-aids ready for when I get back," Kid Flash replied. "Beast Boy will need them."
Raven shrugged. "Don't blame you for being angry, but be careful. Sure he's the joke of the group, but that means he's actually the 'joke' of the group."
Kid Flash looked at the girl. "Huh?"
"I think you'll figure it out." Raven opened a cabinet, checking the stock of band-aids. "While I don't know why he declared himself to be a villain, I do know he's quite clever when he applies himself. He won't be sitting around waiting for you. At least not in the way you think."
"I'm faster, I'm stronger, and I'm smarter," Kid Flash haughtily declared. "And in a short while I'll be a whole lot healthier than he is."
Raven shrugged, not looking at the boy as she checked the number of alcohol swabs they had in stock.
Kid Flash stood and vanished from the room, now moving away from Titan's Tower at nearly the speed of sound. He flexed his legs, and his fists, ready to seek the object of his wrath. But while his talk had been of Beast Boy, his mind had been on the pink-haired girl that he'd hurt. Why, he begged of himself, why did you mess it up? The boy had no answer for himself, so he focused his attention on the people he passed.
There were a lot of streets in Jump City. Hosting over a million people there had to be, but the Teen Titan of speed traversed all three-thousand kilometers of them in under three hours. He found neither Beast Boy nor Jinx while his wallet was a lot lighter. It took energy to keep running like that, which meant food. He stopped for a third time at a food court in the Jump City MegaMall where he stood, frowning as he ate four orders of hamburgers and fries with five milk shakes.
"Any luck?" Robin asked, walking up to the boy.
"Not yet," Kid Flash said, swallowing the last of the rather hefty meal before he spoke. "What are you doing here?"
"I'm hunting."
"Any luck?" Kid Flash asked, figuring the leader meant Beast Boy and Jinx.
"Yeah. Just found what I was looking for."
Kid Flash immediately perked up, ready for battle. "Where?"
Robin's fingers reached out to touch the boy's chest. "Right here," he spoke with glee, a smile covering half his face.
Puzzled, but not alarmed," Kid Flash tried to step back, only to find the finger on his chest didn't move. Irritated he raised his own hand to brush the offending digit away. "What are you doing?" he demanded, finding that his hand was now stuck to the boy's wrist.
"Hunting you, my sweet sweet love," Robin answered, still smiling. His voice was loud enough to be heard by the several hundred people in the food court.
"Dube?" Kid Flash practically shrieked, vibrating his molecules to free himself of the pest. Free of the addled leader he tried to flash several feet away. He tripped, crashing to the ground, bringing the still smiling leader with him.
"What are you doing?" Kid Flash demanded, realizing Robin had somehow snared him with a foot around the ankle. Then, to his horror, he saw Robin's shirt tear away as if made of tissue paper. Then the pants - and the boy wasn't wearing underwear. "Stop," he bellowed.
"But honey, we're so good together," Robin quipped, still smiling. "I want to make sweet sweet love to my little lover boy." His hands went to work on Kid Flash's own clothes.
Grappling with the naked boy, Kid Flash vibrated his molecules to free himself again. His eyes went wide and he clenched his butt cheeks in shock. Face red, straining, he kept up the vibrating until he was free. Then he turned, seeking the nearest bathroom, puzzled as to what was happening, knowing only that he needed to go, and go real bad. He raced for the restroom; instead he found himself flat on his face.
"Lover boy, lover boy," Robin crooned, caressing Kid Flash's face. "We shall make such sweet sweet love."
"I'm not that way," came the horrified reply. "Let me go."
"The watering hole," Robin whispered lovingly as he snuggled up to the quivering boy. "Even the mighty lions know it's a place of danger."
Not listening to the nonsense words, Kid Flash tried to vibrate his molecules again, deciding he would keep vibrating until he'd put enough distance between himself and the crazed boy to be safe. He stopped before he'd hardly started. "Oh man," he whispered, near tears as he felt nimble toes somehow snag his boots and pull them off.
"Always be careful beside a watering hole," Robin said huskily. "Now my poor little lover boy is mine to play with." He kissed Kid Flash's neck, softly moaning as he did so.
"Impressive," Jinx said, sipping from a blueberry milkshake.
"I tried channeling the Joker when I wrote the lines," Beast Boy said. "I just left out the crazier stuff."
Jinx nodded. Sitting at a table not too far from the two lovers, the boy and girl ate, enjoying the show.
"Stop," Kid Flash yelled, knowing he had no choice. He vibrated his molecules, straining like crazy, face going red as a cherry as he slowly, or so it seemed to him, freed himself of his unexpected enemy.
"Now now," Robin trilled, moving quickly to keep pace with his intangible prey.
Kids Flashed stopped, knowing he was at his limit in more ways than one. He sobbed as the leader tripped him for a third time and quickly covered his body with his own obviously aroused one.
"Feeling a little weak?" Robin murmured into his lover's ear, hands roaming. "
"What?" was all the trapped and now helpless prey could think to ask.
"Laxative, my love," Robin said, licking a strong-looking jaw-line. "All that food, all that laxative."
Kid Flash's eyes went wide. "Evil," he managed to whisper. "Stop," he begged, only to find a hot and all too eager tongue fervently seeking his mouth. Locked deep in a french kiss the defeated Teen Titan had to admit it was over. He struggled valiantly, but it was with mere human strength. A tranquilizer would've worked its way through his system in seconds. His metabolism could handle almost any poison. But a laxative . . . that was an entirely different story. He needed energy, being low when he'd stopped at the watering hole, as his enthused lover called it. But the food he'd eaten had been flushed through his system by a massive amount of laxative, giving him no chance to gain energy from it. Not only that, when vibrating through objects his metabolism was sped up to unheard of levels, meaning it'd all worked its way through his system, meaning . . . . . The boy clenched his ass cheeks in desperation as his deadly foe started to strip him of his unitard. "Mercy," he begged around the probing tongue. Then he felt his underwear being slid down.
"What is going on here?" a voice boomed. Loud and clear, it still spoke of a deep and unforgettable shock. Standing tall in his black titanium armor, Cyborg had arrived on the scene.
Kid Flash reached out a hand in desperation, unable to speak as the tongue that's only been probing seconds before now slid inhumanly deep down his throat.
Jinx and Beast Boy froze, having expected the Titan, but still nervous.
"What do you two have to do with this?" Cyborg demanded, immediately seeing through the hoodies the two wore as a disguise. He looked down and shook his foot as the nude leader of the Titans reached out the snare it. "Let go," he commanded, only to be pulled off his feet with incredible force.
"Will it hold?" Jinx asked, already knowing the answer.
"Titanium against an aluminum composite," Beast Boy said with a careless shrug, trying to act calm in front of the girl. "It wouldn't, but it doesn't matter. He's trapped."
The girl nodded, relaxing as she took another sip of her milkshake, frowning slightly when she hit the bottom. Eyes still on the show she reached for the last of the large order of french fries she's ordered with the drink.
Cyborg tried to peel the hand away, applying his cybernetically-enhanced strength to do so. After a few seconds, seeing the massive bruises he was leaving on his leader's left hand, he stopped. An unnatural vivid purple they made him worry. His one human eye showed concern as the man wondered what to do. He'd applied enough pressure to break the bones of most men, and though he knew Robin wasn't normal the hand should've let go. "What did you do?" the Titan demanded, looking back at Beast Boy.
"The rule of the Titans is over," Jinx clearly stated, a determined look on her face as she proudly stood. "Jump City will be mine."
Beast Boy cleared his throat.
"Ours," the girl quickly corrected.
"Beast Boy," Cyborg said," shaking his head in confusion. "What the heck are you doing?"
Kid Flash knew it was over. He'd clenched as long as he could, but it was over. While traveling the city he'd stopped three times to grab a total of six orders of fish and fries with an extra large soda. Minutes ago he'd eaten . . . . He'd forgotten just how much, but with his metabolism and all the vibrating through objects he'd done, he'd held it in for an equivalent of five or six days in a regular human - a regular human who'd also drank a half liter of laxative. His stomach loudly roiled, and it all came out in a sickly greenish-brown, high-powered stream that slammed his fellow Titan, Cyborg, clear in the face.
"Say cheese," Jinx said, taking in the scene with a camera. "I'll make sure Titan's East gets a hold of these," she reassured her ex. Unable to resist, the girl tossed several hexes at the cybernetic Titan who'd left her with so many bruises during their many fights. To her shock she hit something important, and the court was filled with even more stench as the two-gallon tank the man had as a reservoir for digested food let go.
"It's all going according to plan," Beast Boy yelled back at his friends as he and Jinx raced for the food court exit.
First Fight
"Let's find the T-car," Jinx stated, needlessly reminding the boy of the next step of his plan.
"It'll be right at the mall entrance," Beast Boy assured her, grinning when he was proved right less than ten seconds later.
Jinx ran for the transport truck she and Beast Boy had hired and opened the back. Lead lined and extra huge, the trailer was more than big enough for the T-car. The powerful machine that could've foiled their future plans was inside within a minute, with the engine of the transport truck already roaring to life. An hour later it was soundly tucked deep within the garage of their lair. They'd stopped twice to paint the trailer and switch license plates, hopefully making the trip untraceable.
"Good job," Jinx said, congratulating the boy as she locked the truck door. "That worked perfect. Even my hexes seemed to go smoother than usual."
"Expand the team or hit more jewelry stores?" Beast Boy asked, excited that the first three jobs of his villainous career had went so well.
Jinx frowned, shrugging as she wondered just who was leader here. "How long do we have before they'll be ready to fight?"
"Raven will immediately know how the trick was worked. Cyborg will be free as soon as they get back to the tower."
"Drats," the pink-haired girl fumed. "So we would still have to face Cyborg, Raven, Bumblebee, and Robin. Four to two. We need more numbers."
"Billy Numerous?" Beast Boy questioned, thinking hard.
"Are you crazy?" Jinx instantly roared, turning on the boy in disbelief. "After what we did to him he'll be furious. He would rip me apart even if we hadn't stole his ride. Or try to. Remember, I betrayed him."
"Yet he's almost perfect as a villain," the ex-Titan countered. "He can become more than a hundred workers when we need them. As a mechanic he's more than decent. And as a fighter he's pretty good. I can't imagine anyone better."
"Gizmo," Jinx retorted, still wondering at the boy's insanity.
"Except we know where Billy Numerous is," Beast Boy said. "We don't have a clue where Gizmo is."
"Except we don't have a chance in Hades of convincing him not to kill us on sight," Jinx countered.
"We can offer him his ride back," Beast Boy said, grinning at the girl. "Trust me, I know men love their rides. I once had a moped that I still dream about."
Jinx closed her eyes and rubbed the bridge of her nose. "You're a villain and you're proud you had a moped?" she asked, wanting to scream. "And by what definition are you a man?" Opening her eyes she immediately recognized her mistake.
Beast Boy frowned savagely, unsure of how to act. "What am I? A dog?" he asked, eyes narrowed in furor.
"No. But you're too young?" Jinx said, taking a step back.
"Oh, and at what age does one become a man? How do you decide when a man is a man, and when he isn't." The shapeshifter's teeth became longer, whiter, sharper, with the edges now gleaming dangerously.
"Well. You're too short."
"So Gizmo isn't a man?" Beast Boy asked. "He's what? Thirty? Forty? Fifty?"
"That's not what I meant," Jinx retorted, knowing it was exactly what she'd meant. A woman liked a guy who was taller than her. On that account Beast Boy hardly qualified. "You don't act like a man?"
"And a man is supposed to act how?"
"That's a dumb question?" Jinx said.
"Then dumb the answer down," Beast Boy challenged, not even sure why he was making such a fuss over it. Within him the rage burned.
Jinx raised her hands, ready to hex some sense into her, partner. She lowered them, not entirely sure why she did so.
Beast Boy studied the girl, pondering how someone so smart as to lead a team of villains could be so dumb. His own rage subsided. "His ride, a third of the loot we took, his freedom, and a chance to hit the Titans," he said, voice unnaturally calm. "We can offer him that?"
"And when he attacks me?"
"He won't." Of that Beast Boy was sure.
"How can you be so sure?" The words were uttered angrily, though the girl gave no other sign of her displeasure.
"He's a man," Beast Boy said, shrugging as if it was obvious. "He'll agree and he won't attack you."
Jinx frowned, not understanding the absolute surety in the boy's voice. "We'll see," she said, knowing she would win a fight with Billy Numerous if need be. It wouldn't be easy, and it would be messy, but she would win. "How do we get him out of jail?" she asked.
Beast Boy smiled, the anger gone. He'd been impressed with the girl before, now he was even more so. "I'm interested in him," he admitted. "Not that way," he added, seeing the girl's expression.
"Good," Jinx retorted, resisting a small grin. "I know he doesn't swing that way." She shuddered. "Thank goodness. Can you imagine a hundred of him, each making out with a fellow clone, all in one small room."
Beast Boy went white. "Don't place such images in my head," he whispered in faux terror. "I'm still seeing Robin and Kid Flash together."
Jinx laughed.
Beast Boy and Billy Numerous try Oral
Beast Boy traveled through the jail, easily by-passing high-tech security system after high-tech security system. It was easy for the master of a million disguises - as a minnow he simply took the sewage system.
Billy Numerous paced his cell, wondering how to amuse himself. Having the jail downsized was no fun at all for a villain. The guards that'd once patrolled the closed down section had been reassigned to keep track of the villains, which really cut down on the options they had for escaping. Muttering to himself the tall, muscular man made a turn in his pacing; he stopped and stared.
"Ribbit," the frog croaked, then shook its head. "I'm sorry. I mean hello."
"Hello," Billy Numerous answered, studying the talking frog.
"Do you want to get out of here?"
"For sure. Are you, like, going to offer me three wishes." It had to be a magic frog, right? And magic creatures offered wishes.
"Magic? Not my field," the frog replied, sounding puzzled. "But I can offer you your ride back."
"Cool." Billy Numerous perked up, knowing the day had just got a whole lot better.
"And the money you had in the back of your ride as well," Beast Boy said. "Ribbit."
"Awesome."
"Don't suppose you want to join a team to take over Jump City and beat the Titans?"
Billy Numerous grinned. Freedom, a ride, money, and a good time. He'd got four wishes.
"Thought so," the frog said. "Ribbit." Beast Boy shook his head. "I mean, wait here. I'll be back."
Billy Numerous nodded enthusiastically. "Ready when you are, Mr. Frog."
Beast Boy dropped back into the toilet, drove under the water, and turned back into a minnow. "No," he screamed as a shadow blocked out the light.
Billy Numerous stood, wondering how long he would have to wait, and decided he should use the bathroom now so he would be ready when the magic frog got back. Who knew how magic worked, and it might be a while before he had another chance. He dropped his pants.
Beast Boy swam like crazy . . . .
As a rat the shapeshifter carried smoke bomb after smoke bomb to various locations in the jail. Though a little wary, he did a few trips as a fish. A few more advanced devices were placed in the vents and walls surrounding Billy Numerous' cell. They would short-circuit nearby electronics. With over two-hundred devices placed, all supplied by a dealer Jinx assured him was reliable, the time for his fourth villainous act was at hand.
The villain was still waiting, though the passing hours had caused him to wonder if he'd dreamt it, if it might've been too much chili. Then a green bird erupted from the toilet he'd been watching. "Hello," he said.
"Take this," the humming bird said, dropping a pass card. "it'll give you access to the lair the team is using."
"What's the team called?"
The bird paused. "No idea," it admitted. "Ready?"
Billy Numerous eagerly nodded, wondering if he would be instantly transported. The cell around him erupted in a shower of sparks.
"Now turn into an army and tear that cell door down," Beast Boy ordered.
Billy Numerous did so, feeling relieved as the electronic barrier that'd keep him from forming his many friends disappeared. He became an army of twenty that tored down the door; then he was out, running.
Through the thick, oily smoke the man ran with the bird humming above him, giving terse directions. Twice he barreled through several guards who were no match for a true villain. Three times the bird told the man to use the pass card and, to Billy's shock, it actually opened the tougher gates. Then he was at the entrance, racing for the open air, for freedom. In a path that lead to the wall more smoke bombs erupted, covering his escape route. Once at the wall, it was a simple matter for the man to form ten clones to use as a ladder to climb to freedom. There he saw . . . .
"My Big Beautiful Bouncy Bertha," Billy Numerous loudly exclaimed, stopping to kiss the truck hood, and then the front left wheel, then the front right wheel, then . . . .
"Get in you blubbering idiot," Jinx yelled at the truck-crazed lunatic. "The Titans will soon be here."
"You," Billy NUmerous said, freezing, surprised.
"Who else would break you out of jail?" the girl asked, conveniently forgetting her earlier objections.
Beast Boy flew past the man and took a seat.
"You," Billy Numerous said again, shocked at the transformation, realizing it hadn't been a magic frog and certainly not a magic bird.
"Three, two, one," Jinx quickly counted.
Billy Numerous dove into the truck, knowing the girl would actually drive away when she hit zero. She was strict like that.
"Here's the money." Jinx tossed the man a debit card worth what they'd taken from the back of the truck.
"But you're a hero now," Billy said, still confused.
"I'm just undercover as a villain," Beast Boy casually interjected, his innocent eyes on the road.
"Idiot," Jinx yelled, letting go of the wheel long enough to do a facepalm. "Idiot. idiot. idiot. Idiot." To her shock Billy Numerous just burst out laughing when Beast Boy explained that all he wanted was to see a psychiatrist, and that this was the only way.
When she pulled into the lair's garage Jinx waited for the attack. He would attack her, right? She waited, nervously looking at her two partners as they exited the truck. She frowned. What if Beast Boy sides with Billy, Jinx asked herself.
"Good to see you," Billy said, tightly hugging the tense, on-edge girl. "Any team without our Jinx isn't a team worth being on."
The girl blinked, looking between Billy and Beast Boy. "You're not angry?" she asked.
Billy shrugged. "You got me sent in, and you got me out. It squares."
"And you know Beast Boy plans to betray us?" she stated.
"But not until he's caught," the man answered, seeming not to care. "Until then we'll see what happens." He shrugged.
The puzzled girl relaxed.
"Now, who do I fight for leadership of the team?" Billy Numerous asked, splitting into two.
Jinx sighed.
Beast Boy nodded. "Knew this was coming," he said truthfully. "How about we fight with the winner fighting Jinx?"
Billy nodded. Then he was an army rushing down on the small boy who fled. "Come back," the red-clad man yelled.
"You'll hurt me," the shapeshifter called back.
"It won't be personal," Billy yelled, all fifty legs pumping in unison as he gave chase.
It'll feel very personal to me," Beast Boy retorted. "I bruise easily." He stopped, dashed into a bathroom, and vanished down a toilet.
With all of him wanting to see what'd happened to his prey, yet only one of him able to do so, Billy Numerous became one man instead of twenty-five. He looked in the toilet bowl only to snap his head back, automatically creating a dozen clones. He'd seen something, and it'd jumped. Carefully he wiped at his face. Then he turned green.
Feeling very weird, Beast Boy, all of him, gave the command: multiply.
Jinx looked in the bathroom, having followed behind far enough to keep out of trouble, yet see what happened. She was curious how the shapeshifter could hope to handle a hundred enemies. She saw Billy Numerous split into a dozen clones, then fifty, then a hundred. Each was green looking and half bent over. Then there were two hundred of them crowding a rather small room, all puking huge amounts of green puke with all of it seemingly aimed at her. She was covered in the nauseating liquid before she could hope to move. Then the clones disappeared, leaving an unconscious Billy Numerous behind.
Beast Boy became a cockroach that slowly crawled from the mouth of the unconscious villain. The insect wobbled a little, then collapsed as it turned back into the shapeshifter. "Guess it's all your's," Beast Boy groaned, "cause I'm in no shape to fight." He closed his eyes with a huge smile on his lips.
Jinx nodded. "I dub us, Team Idiot," the girl said, only half joking,
Robin's Bad Move
Raven sat in mid air, floating a foot or so above a chair. Eyes closed, she meditated while waiting for Robin to make a move on the chess board that sat on a table between them.
Robin studied the board, deep in concentration as he tried to predict the next ninety-nine moves of the match. Needless to say, he wasn't having much luck. Still the boy was sure the demonic half-human girl across from him had some evil trap in store for him. She always did. And he always fell for it. Glad it wasn't a timed game he raised a hand to move his queen. He gently held the piece between two fingers for a whole fifteen minutes, still unsure of what to do. He wanted to attack, but knew his relentless foe would have predicted such a desire on his part. Better to play it safe, the boy decided, pleased with his devious decision. He returned the queen to the board and moved a pawn. "Your turn," Boy Wonder said.
Raven opened her eyes. "Are you sure you want to make that move?" she asked, ready to give the boy a second chance.
"I'm sure," Robin said, keeping his eyes on the board. "I won't be tricked like last time."
"Smart of you," Raven agreed. "By the way, checkmate." She moved her sole remaining rook, which now had a direct path to the boy's king.
"No," Robin said, turning white. He'd been so focused on what the girl could do to him several moves down the line that he'd forgot to check to see what she could do to him right now. "No," he cried again as black energy wrapped itself around his king, toppling it.
"Not trying to find what's going on with Beast Boy and Jinx?" Raven asked as all the pieces immediately floated in the air, resetting the board for a new game.
"I figure Kid Flash will bring them in within a few hours," Robin answered, still hiding his head in his hand. His face burned red with shame.
"Help," came a weary voice.
Both Raven and Robin leapt to attention, ready to rush to the aid of whoever was in distress.
"Help," the voice came again.
"Bumblebee," Raven shrieked, dashing towards the voice. She stopped and stepped back as her lover staggered into view, a taunt rope tightly held in her hands. "For crying out loud, help," the woman said, sounding angry. "And why isn't anyone answering their communicator?"
"Oops." Raven switched hers on. She wrinkled her nose, then pinched her nostrils.
"Sorry. I wanted to concentrate on the game," Robin replied, also turning his communicator on. "What's wrong?" His nose twitched and the boy turned green.
"Don't worry me like that," the woman said, or rather moaned. She made one more weary step, dragging Cyborg's head, still covered in some greenish-brown slime, into view. Another step and she managed to show off Robin's naked behind. A third step showed Kid Flash's.
"What happened," Robin asked, unsure of what to do.
"I think Kid Flash ran into Beast Boy," Raven said, answering for the girl who'd just collapsed to the floor. "I don't think the encounter went as he planned." She noted the rope was securely fastened around Robin's penis, guessing Bumblebee had decided that was as good a place as any to tie it inorder to drag the trio back to the tower. Her eyes glanced between the boy she'd played chess with for the last three hours and his look-a-like on the floor. A look-a-like who had his tongue buried deep in Kid Flash's mouth. "Anything you want to tell us about?" she asked Robin, directing the question to the one who was standing beside her.
"Not in particular," the boy answered.
The phone rang, causing the two to jump. In the tower the phone never rang. Titans used the communicators to talk and no one else ever called. Not ever. With a worried look Robin picked up the phone, wondering how much they could save on the phone bill.
"Hello," a pleasant and sultry sounding voice said, having detected the phone being answered.
"Hello," Robin carefully answered. "Is this Slade?"
"I don't know any Slade," came the confused reply. "I was phoning the Titans to ensure they'd received the Clingy Andy Sex Slave Robot they ordered."
"Um." Robin looked at his look alike who was staring back at him. "Can you describe the robot?" he asked.
"It looks like the Teen Titans' leader and is nicknamed the Penis Brain series," came the pleasant reply. "It's a favorite among our customers who wonder how he was able to seduce so many women."
"I see," the hero replied, still trying to win a staring contest with a robot.
"Of course most people just want to beat the snot out of him," the amiable voice continued. "The robot was built extra strong to endure being tortured a lot. It can even form fake bruises that will slowly heal."
"I see." The boy had no other answer.
"Am I right in assuming I've managed to reach the Titans?" the woman asked, purring the words.
"Yes."
"The bill for two-hundred and fifty-two thousand dollars is in the mail. Thank you for using Gotham Sex Supplies. An international leader in Sex Supplies everywhere," the woman informed him with a smile in her voice." By the way, someone by the name of Bruce attached a message to the invoice. It reads: Do I really want to know why you want a gay sex bot?"
"I see." Robin hung up the phone. "I think I need a vacation," he said to himself. "Or a psychiatrist. Not that I can afford one."
Robin's Really Really (I mean Really) Bad Move
Robin rested his head on his desk, feeling wearier than if he'd just fought a dozen Slades. He'd had the job of cleaning the tower floors while Raven had seen to Kid Flash. Given Bumblebee had hauled the soiled mass of flesh all through the tower to reach them it'd been a rather Herculean task.
"We're out of hot water," Bumblebee said, entering the room.
The leader shook his head, feeling a sense of Deja vu. He was sure he'd heard those words before, and more than once. "We can't be," he answered. "We have a fusion reactor."
"The fusion reactor says to tell you we're out of hot water," the woman said. "And it wasn't my fault. Of course I took two-hundred showers after being within a hundred feet of that mess."
Robin nodded. "He himself had had more than a dozen after his own cleanup job." He blinked, eyes suddenly focusing on the woman's legs, then her chest. No, something roared inside his head. "We can save on hot water if we shower together," the insane boy suggested, giving the woman his Casanova smile.
"We're out of hot water," Raven intoned, rising from the unnaturally dark shadows that'd appeared from nowhere.
A very pale Robin replied, "We can't be. We have a fusion reactor."
"We also have a suicidal leader who's in hot water," the girl intoned, "but we're still out of hot water."