A knock on the door made me look up from my book. Lazily, I waited for whoever it was to enter. Not many payed me a visit; especially not in the late afternoon. I had no friends here, nor did I need much supervision from the caregivers. They knew very well that I preferred keeping to myself. As far as they believed, I was an introverted and quiet person who felt content being alone.
"Aryanna, may I come in?" To my surprise, the orphanage's matron herself appeared in the doorway. I nodded so she closed the door behind her. With a warm and encouraging smile on her lips, she sat down at the end of my bed. My face didn't betray my confusion as I took in her almost joyful expression.
"Concerning the incident yesterday… as you know I wrote a letter to Mr. Dumbledore… Well, I received his reply half an hour ago. It has been delivered in person by a certain Mr. Remus Lupin. Mr. Dumbledore said in his letter that Mr. Lupin is a friend of yours as well… Is this true?"
Now I actually furrowed my eyebrows. "Yes… Yes, it's true."
"Mr. Dumbledore wishes your immediate return. His worry about your state was very apparent… Therefore, he asked Mr. Lupin to take you back to school a little earlier. He's waiting downstairs to escort you."
I couldn't help smiling to myself. Finally, I was allowed to leave this place. There was no way I would go back to school, I knew that much. So most certainly I would be taken to the Burrow. I wasn't looking forward facing my friends again. Yet it was much better than being stuck in the orphanage in the middle of London.
"I should start packing then." With that, I threw the boring muggle book on the nightstand and stepped to my wardrobe.
"Do you want me to bring Mr. Lupin to your room?"
I merely nodded in return when I started moving my clothes into my trunk. As soon as she had closed the door I stopped in my track and stared at my belongings. Gathering my magic and focusing on the task at hand, I watched warily as everything levitated into the open trunk. When I finally locked it, I smirked satisfied. I love magic!
"So where are we going?" I asked Remus as we made our way towards the gate. He smiled tiredly at me. Though still quite young, he looked exhausted and rather ill.
"We've set up Headquarters somewhere undetectable… A safehouse."
With that I followed him when we made our way down the street. Then he turned into a narrow dark alleyway. I stopped dead in my track; my insides turned to ice instantly. In front of me stood none other than Alastor Moody. With wide eyes, I stared at him whilst my heart pound anxiously against my ribcage. My mind had a hard time reminding my consciousness that he was the real Alastor Moody.
"Hm…" Moody growled thoughtful. A shiver run down my spine as he watched me, his magical eye whirling rapidly over my appearance. "Heard you weren't as unalerted as everyone else…"
Blinking, I returned his gaze anxiously. I didn't know what to do with him. He confused me. Most certainly because he- his appearance had blocked my magic and dragged me to my father. "I'm… sorry… I probably should've been more persistent… to… to convince them…"
Moody growled again but his grim scared face gave nothing away. But then his lips twitched in a contorted smile. "Doesn't matter, girl… Albus filled me in on your repeated attempts. Quite impressive your abilities…"
I bit the inside of my cheek at a loss of words. Moody spared me an answer by looking at Lupin with the usual grim expression again. He slipped a hand in one of his many pockets and pulled out a simple quill. I frowned at it.
"Portkey… Transports us in precisely three minutes."
I nodded and held the quill between my thumb and index. Remus copied my hold and after a moment of waiting we were transported through darkness and flashing white lights…
My feet touched grass and for a moment I felt a jolt of dread enwrapping my whole body with freezing cold. Terrible images of the graveyard came into my mind. I flinched when a hand touched my shoulder. Whirling around, I faced a sheepish looking Remus. I closed my eyes and exhaled deeply. Then we followed Moody's lead from the patch of grass, across the road and on to the pavement. As we came to a halt, Moody gave me a piece of parchment. The narrow handwriting was vaguely familiar.
The Headquarters of the Order of the Phoenix may be found at number twelve, Grimmauld place, London.
As soon as I looked up, out of nowhere appeared a battered door between number eleven and thirteen. My jaw fell as I watched as a new house seemed to inflate right in front of my eyes. Moody moved towards the door and we followed suit. Tapping his wand against the door provoked many metallic clicks. Then it opened smoothly.
I stepped over the threshold. Instantly, the scent of damp, dust and a sweetish rotting smell filled my nostrils. I stopped dead in my tracks, however, when I sensed the familiar reeking of dark magic. My heart fastened immediately and my eyes flickered quickly through the hall. I definitely disliked this place!
There were hurried footsteps and suddenly Mrs. Weasley emerged from a door at the far end of the hall. I hadn't the time to tear my focus from the hideous reeking when she had already pulled me in a rib-cracking, unwanted hug.
"Oh, Aryanna, it's lovely to see you." I stepped back as soon as she had let go of me again. It was already uncomfortable enough simply being here… Touching wasn't was I needed nor wanted. I noticed that she was thinner and paler than she had been last time I had seen her.
Then she turned towards Remus and Moody. "He's just arrived. You're right on time." Her gaze wandered to me with a warm, sad smile. "Aryanna, Dumbledore expects to speak with you. But I'll show you to your room first. Let me take your trunk."
My trunk levitated with a flick of her wand and she followed it upstairs. My uneasiness mounted rapidly as I took in the dark and rather green décor. To my utter horror, heads of house-elves were mounted on plaques on the wall. The hairs on the back of my neck were standing up; the Dark Mark or fresh wounds – I couldn't say – itched terribly. Although, I had stepped foot into the house for the first time mere minutes ago, I felt a deep hatred and very unsettling discomfort already. Why would Dumbledore choose a Slytherin house as Headquarters for the Order? I knew about the Order and what they had done in the first wizarding war. Severus had told me all about it years ago.
"There you go. Second door on the left." We had reached the second floor and Mrs. Weasley opened the door to my room. My trunk landed smoothly in front of the wardrobe. "Ron and Harry share a room, Ginny and Hermione as well. So you'll have your own room."
The décor was dark; dark brown wood with dark Slytherin green everywhere. I contorted my face in slight disgust, making sure that Mrs. Weasley couldn't see me though. There was a huge old wardrobe; the wooden desk was made of ebony as well. Through the dirty windows came barely any light. In the middle of the room stood a four poster bed; dark wood with silver and green duvet covers.
"Arya! You're here!"
Startled, I whirled around and found myself in another unwanted embrace from my best friend. Hermione had a deep worried frown on her face. Ron and Harry stood next to her and greeted me with wide grins. I could merely return a small smile; the sudden confrontation with my best friends was too much.
It had all happened so fast. One moment I was in the orphanage, the next I was brought to a reeking Slytherin house with apparently more people inside than I had expected.
"How are you? You've come sooner than expected. Dumbledore said there was a change of plan due to an incident. Nobody would tell us what happened though? Have you been attacked by Dementors as well? Harry arrived yesterday evening. He has been exp-"
"Hermione." Mrs. Weasley cut her rambling and she blushed lightly. My confused gaze flickered to Harry however; his grin had faltered. "Aryanna, I'm sorry but Dumbledore wanted to speak with you as soon as you've arrived. You can all catch up later!"
"Why is she allowed in the meeting?" Ron asked gloomy. Under his mother's stern gaze he shifted slightly. Feeling extremely uncomfortable, I averted my gaze and bore my fingers deeply into my wounded forearm. The sharp stinging pain felt relieving.
"She's not attending a meeting, merely reporting to Dumbledore… Come, Aryanna. We shouldn't keep him waiting." Casting a short glance at my rather upset friends, I followed her downstairs.
I followed her into a large yet narrow room; the kitchen. A long table stood in the middle. As soon as I had stepped over the threshold, I stopped dead in my track. Apparently, there wasn't just Dumbledore but also quite a few members of the Order. Remus and Sirius sat at the head of the table, the latter casting me a warm smile. Mr. and Mrs. Weasley, Moody, Dumbledore, Professor McGonagall and some people I didn't know. Every seat at the table was taken, some stood leaning against the counters or walls. Every head was turned in my direction. My senses were instantly alarmingly sharp, wakening the urge to flee.
"Good afternoon Aryanna." I flinched at the choice of Dumbledore's words. I wanted to get out of here as fast as possible. Gulping, I nodded in his direction, unable to speak. The old headmaster cast me an encouraging smile and motioned towards Remus and Sirius. "Please, have a seat."
Quietly, I took my seat facing the door. Fear enwrapped my heart coldly. Nervously, I fumbled with the sleeve of my marked forearm. Then I lifted my gaze. My heart picked up its speed; I shuddered as I spotted the person next to the door. Again, I was confronted rather sudden with a person I didn't know yet how to proceed with.
Severus. His expression sent icy shivers to the very core of my being. Never before had he looked so… hard, cold, strange. The grip on my forearm tightened as hard eyes kept piercing me merciless.
"Aryanna, there are several reasons why you are here with us this evening." Reluctantly, I tore my gaze from a terrifying Severus. Dumbledore's smile had vanished and been replaced by a serious expression. "First of all, I would like you to inform us about yesterday's event?"
I bit the inside of my cheek nervously. After a moment of silence, I quietly began describing my encounter with the Dementor. The memory was enough to turn my insides to ice once again. I also told them about my father's voice I had heard and how the Muggle had escorted me back to the orphanage.
Dumbledore sighed and watched me sternly. "Harry has been attacked as well but the Dementors did not retreat. Hence, he was forced to use magic in front of his Muggle cousin…" I simply watched him cautiously. My whole body was on high alert with all the people in the room, the house, my bottled emotions and hiding the truth at all costs.
"You are aware I forbade you to leave the orphanage? It was a security measure to keep you safe." Blue eyes as hard as ice bore in mine. A spark of annoyance broke through the surface and snapped my mind back to work. Suddenly, my emotions were back; clearer and stronger than ever.
I scoffed and glared darkly in his direction. My voice was dripping with sarcasm. "Well… I'm sorry then for ignoring your good intentions." I could literally sense the disapproval in the room but didn't care as I scowled at the worn-out wooden table.
"I understand how frustrating it must have been. But it was essential to keep you and Harry safe."
My head snapped up at his words. "I don't give a damn about my safety! Nobody locks me in! Not you, not my father nor anyone else! … And don't you ever dare saying you understand me again… because you don't!"
Remus shifted in his seat and I could see Professor McGonagall casting me a sad look across the table. Instead of feeling better with her pity, it merely increased my irritation. Dumbledore sighed and suddenly he looked as exhausted as Mrs. Weasley… and almost everyone else in the room.
"Would you kindly develop the reason for your anger then?" The calm voice made me narrow my eyes at the elder man.
"My anger? … My… anger…?" I scoffed incredulous and felt my suppressed emotions slowly starting to rage inside me. Freezing cold washed through my body, immediately followed by uncomfortable heat. Fear, worry, guilt, desperation, hate; they mixed themselves up to a single burning force… Rage.
"You intended to lock me in at this awful place the whole summer! You cancelled my Daily Prophet; Merlin knows why! … Obviously, it was you who forbade Hermione and Ron to tell us anything… You even cancelled my holidays to the seaside. Which are the ONLY positive thing in this awful place!"
Gritting my teeth, I stood up and stood behind my chair with crossed arms. My glare was fixed on the seemingly calm and carefree headmaster.
"Whilst everyone was having a nice time here… I was locked in at this fucking orphanage!"
"Jackson!" Severus suddenly drawled warningly. I turned my ferocious burning glare in his direction.
"What?" I hissed venomous. Severus narrowed his eyes, his own annoyance finally breaking through the cold mask of indifference. I threw my hands up and slumped down on my chair again.
"Some respect is appropriate." Now it was my turn to narrow my eyes. Absentminded, I gripped my forearm painfully tight. I felt the fresh wounds throb under the bandage.
"I don't give a damn about respect either…" I looked back at the headmaster. "Or where the hell is respect in putting me in the exact same place where my own monstrous father grew up?"
I glared down at the table again and bit the inside of my cheek to keep myself from snapping more. There were so many things I could tell them… So many things I had simply bottled up and kept to myself…
"I have my reasons but they are not supposed to be revealed for now." Dumbledore replied irritatingly mysterious. I scoffed and lifted my gaze.
"Of course." Sarcastically, I rolled my eyes. "You always have your reasons for everything. But instead of sharing them you simply push everyone around like stupid pawns. You expect everyone to be at your service and merely bark orders disguised by your faked kindness."
The old man sighed tiredly and watched me with an almost sorrowful expression. "Is there another pressing issue you aren't telling us or is this rant merely about your dislike for me?"
A cold laugh erupted my mouth before I could stop it. My glare wandered from him to my head of house and Severus. The latter watched me with a thoughtful, yet blank expression and I knew he was analysing my outburst.
"Another issue… Are you serious?" I spat disdainful and ran a hand through my hair. Shaking my head to myself, I silently kept questioning Dumbledore's sanity.
"Well… usually I mean what I say…" My heart pounded rapidly; making the rushing blood in my ears only louder. He had the audacity to reply a mocking comment. Instantly, my murderous glare was fixed on the old man again.
"You want to hear another issue?! Don't worry, I have plenty." Although sarcastic, my voice was ice cold. "Hm… let me see… Ah, yes. Why should I even trust you? I mean I warned you about the imposter in Hogwarts, yet you chose not to trust me. You didn't believe me! … You keep so many secrets about my mother so I assumed you might know a great deal about fairies and theirs abilities. But no! Apparently not… Or is it just because Tom bloody Riddle is my father?"
I watched him challenging and waited for his reply. Cool sparkling eyes looked back at me. Dumbledore folded his arms across his chest. "The evidences you presented were everything but sturdy… Nonetheless, I should have listened to you. I made the mistake once and will do my best that it won't happen again."
"Well, your… so called mistake… caused my father's return. It won't happen again." Without much thought, my fingers gripped my forearm once again. The stinging pain eased my raging emotions a little.
"You don't know what you did…" I spat lowly and stood up again. My hands gripped the back of the chair for dear life. My whole body was shaking with anger. "YOU DON'T KNOW WHAT I HAD TO GO THROUGH BECAUSE OF YOUR STUPIDITY! … YOU DON'T KNOW WHAT YOU DID!"
I gritted my teeth and closed my eyes. I was about to break down. Forcing myself to take deep breaths, I tried to control myself again. Or else I would end up spilling the truth accidentally.
"What are you accusing him of?" Severus' soft velvet voice interrupted the silence. My senses were on high alert when I noticed the calculating stare of his obsidian eyes.
"As if you wouldn't know…" I spat spiteful and opened my eyes again. There was hate in my heart when I looked at the headmaster. Severus made me furious with his presence because he scared me. He knew me to well. And I felt even more irritated with every other person in this room.
"You turned your back on me! … YOU TURNED YOUR FUCKING BACK ON ME!" I threw my chair back and glared ferociously at Dumbledore, Severus and McGonagall. Whilst the elder two watched me with saddened expressions, Severus stared at me with the undefinable hard expression.
"You didn't believe me! You mistrusted me! You even punished me for trying to convince you! … And now Diggory's dead! My best friend has almost been killed! I've been tortured… over… and over… again…! … You apologized… I thought it was enough but… it… isn't! Your apology is worth NOTHING… compared to the pain you caused! … I TRUSTED YOU!"
I felt so furious with my blood boiling in my veins. I wanted to scream and hurt them to make them understand the amount of pain I had suffered. My gaze fell on my hidden Mark and disgust filled my whole being.
"I'm bearing a Dark Mark…" I spat with all the pain, disdain and desperation it provoked. My heart clenched painfully as I stared absentminded at my forearm. My voice was barely more than a hopeless whisper. "I… hate… him… so much! And now I'm bearing a fucking Death Eater mark!"
"Arya." Sirius spoke up to my surprise. Warm eyes looked at me when I turned to him. "I can only imagine how you must feel… But unlike anyone else bearing the Dark Mark it has been forced upon you. You didn't choose it!"
I hissed mocking and averted my gaze again. Severus was glaring at Sirius through narrowed eyes. Black eyes flashed spiteful. I could hear the low snarl erupting the curled lips.
"Easy for you to say! You're not the one who has to look at it every day! Your father isn't the darkest and most feared wizard! You're not dreaming about his return every night! Or how you get the Mark repeatedly! Every time as horrible as the first!" I pressed my lips in a thin line and glared pointedly at my friend's godfather. "And you… most certainly… don't feel guilty… for every… single one of his terrible crimes…!"
I passed him and Remus to face the fire place; my murderous glare firmly on the dancing flames. My insides writhed with rage. I can say what I want… no one will ever understand me! They'll never understand what it's like to be in my place!
I whirled around and automatically found myself glaring straight at Severus. My face was contorted with uncontrolled hatred. He frowned thoughtfully at my expression. I could almost see his brain working in these black orbs. Through gritted teeth my voice sounded awfully malicious.
"I wanted to hate you! … None of you can imagine how furious and hurt I was… and still am! … I want to make you feel how I felt! … Yet there's always… always this annoying part in my mind… stopping me… In fear, I might do something as savage and horrible as this monstrosity I have to call father!"
I bit my bottom lip as my gaze wandered to Dumbledore. "There you have another issue… Self-pity… I hate him! I hate being his daughter! I hate how much he controls my life! I loathe him for all the suffering he causes! There's not a day, I'm not reminded of who I am. And now he's back… and I'm terrified! … I may be against him but no matter what he does… I'll always feel terribly ashamed and appalled because of him!"
"And now I'm here…" I spat disgusted. "In this awful place… all Slytherin… with the reeking of dark magic everywhere almost making me vomit! … I may hate the orphanage but I'd rather be back there now than… here!"
My head snapped around to a chuckling Remus. I narrowed my eyes as he and Sirius exchanged an amused look. The black haired wizard turned a little in his chair with a smirk plastered on his face.
"Well, this was my family's home. The Black residence… It's in fact an awful place. I hate it no less than you do, I can assure you."
I folded my arms and nodded quietly. Sighing annoyed, I stared at the headmaster. He returned a calm expression with his usual infuriating smile. My gaze turned hard as I tried to control my raging emotions once again.
"Is there anything else, Sir? I'm tired and would appreciate some rest." With my tone somewhat civil, I averted my eyes. I didn't want to argue anymore. I wanted to be left alone.
"If there isn't anything else you wish to add… you may leave."
I shook my head curtly. The headmaster's smile widened and he folded his hands on the table.
"Very well. Then we will see each other in Hogwarts."
Without another word and avoiding everyone else's gaze, I turned towards the door.