Hogwarts' headmaster strode down the deserted street. Most lamps were broken; the remaining few cast a misty glow in the starless night. Unaffected by his surroundings, the old man passed rows and rows of dilapidated brick houses. The blue wizarding robes couldn't have been more striking in the poor decrepit muggle village. Nevertheless, he knew not to worry about himself since most houses were empty.
Albus Dumbledore reached the last house on Spinner's End. A brief flicker of sorrow crossed his face as he stared at the house that looked just like any other. Although, Dumbledore had come here several times he had never gotten used to his younger colleague's childhood residence.
Sighing, he approached the door and pointed his wand towards the building. Unable for anyone else to hear, he muttered something under his breath. Then he tapped the doorknob with his wand. The wooden door opened quietly. Not waiting for an invitation Dumbledore stepped into the narrow dark corridor. Suddenly, his wand light up dimly, illuminating the equally narrow staircase leading upstairs and another door.
A clattering sound attracted the headmaster's attention yet he wasn't surprised. He knew already what he would find in the other room. The worried expression on the old man's face intensified as he opened the door. He stepped into a tiny sitting room. Bookshelves lined every wall, though a few were empty; a threadbare sofa, an old armchair and a rickety table stood grouped together in next to a small fireplace.
Even though Dumbledore had imagined all kind of scenarios he would walk in, it was still quite a shock to find his presumptions confirmed. The usually tidy and functional room was a mess. To his feet lay a crumpled ebony frockcoat; carelessly thrown into the corner. The rickety table had been smashed into pieces. Books were spread over the whole place. Between them lay candleholders and different undefinable objects. Dumbledore even spotted a book in the fireplace, although, it was too late to save it from hungry flames.
As the old man stepped over the frockcoat, a crunching sound made him look down. He frowned when he saw shards from a smashed glass. Dumbledore's expression clouded and reflected his sympathy as his eyes settled on the younger man.
Severus Snape sat on the floor with his body leaning heavily against the threadbare couch. His head rested lazily against the sofa's armrest. The younger man was surrounded by numerous empty bottles of firewhiskey and muggle drinks alike. The raven black hair was hiding his face from the headmaster's view. The top buttons of his white chemise were open, revealing his pale chest. The white shirt hang loose around his slim frame as it had escaped the waistband. The sleeves had been pushed up. The Dark Mark on his left forearm stood out against his pale skin, impossible to overlook. One hand clutched a half-filled bottle of firewhiskey.
"Severus?" Dumbledore called softly but he got no answer. When he stepped closer he noticed the even breathing and sighed. Careful not to step on anything, the headmaster surrounded Severus' body and sat down in the armchair. Clouded blue eyes watched the heartbroken man.
"Did you know?"
Dumbledore snapped out of his thoughts when he heard Severus' voice devoid of all emotions. He knew what he was referring to. "No… I did not."
"Then fuck off and leave me alone." The younger man growled under his breath.
Severus raised his head from the armrest and Dumbledore got a proper look at his face. While it had been merely a few hours since the devastating meeting, Severus looked as if he hadn't slept in days. His eyes were red due to the amount of alcohol he had drunk since then. Dumbledore didn't miss Severus' tear strained face nor the ones continuously rolling down his cheeks. The dark wet spots on his white chemise were obvious.
Severus lifted a shaking hand and brought the bottle to his lips. Dumbledore watched as he drank the burning liquor as if it was nothing more than water. Patiently, he folded his hands in his lap and looked around the chaotic room.
"I cannot leave you alone in this state." The headmaster replied as a matter of fact.
A deep frown appeared on Severus' face, showing his annoyance. Slowly, he turned his head towards Dumbledore and pierced him with a spiteful glare.
"Leave… my… house… Albus!"
Dumbledore showed himself unimpressed and watched him pointedly. "We have important matters to discuss."
Severus snarled repulsive before averting his gaze and drinking some more. "I don't care… and now get the hell out of my house."
Dumbledore knew better then to simply try to convince him to talk about actual matters. He sighed deeply and his face lost every trace of sympathy. It was replaced with a very serious expression as he watched Severus emptying the bottle.
"You need to be more careful, Severus. You didn't set up your wards. Anyone could have entered without your permission."
Severus glared at his employee with a murderous expression. "I… don't… care…!"
For a moment they stared at each other. Severus was the first to look away. With some difficulties he came on his feet. Severus groaned as the effect of the amount of alcohol he had drunk hit him full force. His knuckles turned white when he gripped the empty bottle as if it could steady him. Then he staggered towards the cupboard where he kept his stocks.
"This is not the time for you to sink in self-pity. You must be prepared if the Dark Lord summons you."
Faster than anticipated, Severus whirled around and threw the empty bottle at the headmaster. Dumbledore didn't even flinch as he easily deflected the attack. The bottle burst against one of the many bookshelves. Severus' face was contorted with rage now.
"If you believe I would return to him you're highly mistaken, old man!" He spat venomous. Burning obsidian eyes were filled with hate.
Dumbledore frowned slightly and cast him a stern look. "You must and you will!"
"I will not assist you killing her!" Severus roared. His loathing for the headmaster was evident… as was the agonizing pain the man was suffering.
Dumbledore stood up as well. He watched Severus with warm eyes and a sad smile on his lips. "You heard her yourself, Severus. She wishes to fight and for us to destroy him."
Severus didn't seem to realise as the new bottle of firewhiskey glided out of his hands. It shuttered at his feet; the golden liquor spilling over his shoes and drenching the dark carpet.
Severus raised a shaking hand to point at the headmaster. His rage had vanished with the headmaster's words. He barely managed a scowl as fresh tears rolled down his cheeks.
"I… will… not… kill… Arya…!" Severus' voice broke at the young woman's name. His body tensed when he desperately tried to hold himself together in front of the elder man.
Dumbledore's smile vanished and his face showed all the exhaustion from the last weeks' work. His voice was filled with genuine concern. "You are not to blame, Severus… This is Voldemort's cruelty…"
Severus closed his eyes as pain overwhelmed him. Heavily, he leaned against the bookshelf behind him. "I… can't…" His voice was barely above a whisper. When he opened his eyes again Dumbledore shuddered seeing nothing but pain and despair in these dark eyes.
"You know how much she cares for her friends and how much she loves Draco Malfoy. You swore to protect them… for her!" Slowly, Dumbledore stepped closer. With pleading eyes, he tried to convince the mourning man. "Severus, you know Aryanna better than anyone else! You know why she keeps fighting! So if not for you… fight for her! Fight for her friends' future, the Malfoy boy… for Leyanne."
"Don't…!" Severus hissed warningly. He had closed his eyes; his face mirroring his heart's suffering.
"We must all make sacrifices in this war… Leyanne asked me for help all these years ago. She turned against Tom Riddle to protect her daughter and you… Aryanna's fate is indeed cruel and unfair yet she's willing to face it… We're at war, Severus! … This is for the greate-"
"ENOUGH!"
Severus' face was contorted with ferocious revulsion. His obsidian eyes looked even darker with the pure loathing raging in them. Dumbledore closed his mouth and watched the raven haired man insistently. He knew better than to say anymore with Severus' raging temper.
"You can say and do whatever you wish, Dumbledore…! Because you have… nothing… left… to lose…! You lived your life… you're a twisted old man… willing to sacrifice yourself!"
Outraged, Severus spat his words into the elder man's face. Every trace of intoxication had left his body as he towered steadily over the headmaster. Dumbledore didn't miss Severus' intention to hurt him as much as possible.
"But Arya is still a young woman… merely a student! … She deserves a life! … Peace! … Her own family! … I SWORE TO PROTECT HER! … I SWORE TO FIGHT FOR HER LIFE! …"
Breathing heavily, Severus closed his eyes when his body started trembling. He swayed slightly and Dumbledore stepped forward to steady him. Carefully, he led Severus to the sofa. The younger man let himself slump very uncharacteristically on the threadbare couch. He rested his elbows on his knees, his face buried in his hands. Quietly, Dumbledore chose his previous seat. Through his halfmoon spectacles, he observed the other man so full of sorrow despite his young age.
Severus' muttered words were barely audible. Never before had he sounded so lost and hopeless. "I swore myself to give her the life she deserves… I wanted to provide for her… for as long as she allows me to…"
"But who am I to get what I wish? … Of course, Riddle must destroy the only… good… aspect… in my miserable life! … And I was foolish enough to believe life would finally grant me some peace… While this is nothing more… than a new… cruel… torture… to punish me."
Severus forced his embitterment through gritted teeth. Rage and self-loathing masked his sharp features as he glared absentminded at the empty bottles on the floor.
"Obviously, I don't deserve happiness… I know I don't deserve her… I'm Severus Tobias Snape… son of a violent drunken bastard… a fucking Death Eater who believed he could make up for his past mistakes…"
With a growling cry of frustration Severus hurled another bottle against the bookshelves; helplessly lost in his stormy feelings. As if in trance he watched when new shards of glass covered the shelves and books on the floor. His features were contorted with the agonizing pain overwhelming him once more. Severus didn't notice as fresh tears rolled down his cheeks.
Dumbledore took a deep breath as he watched the broken man in front of him. "You didn't only join Tom Riddle for your desire to protect Leyanne. Yet here you are… loathing the man you once served so eagerly… Dark times lie ahead of us and for everyone will be a time when their must choose between what is easy and what is right… We cannot protect the young from harm. Pain must and will come… Aryanna made the right choice, Severus."
Severus remained motionless as he simply stared absentminded at the bookshelves. His tears had subsided and cold indifference masked his features. Dumbledore sighed and cast him a sad smile.
"You should go to Grimmauld Place. I am sure Aryanna will profit from your visit… so will you…" Dumbledore's features brightened suddenly, all traces of sorrow leaving the old man's face. Severus glared darkly when he noticed the usual warm smile and irritating twinkle in the headmaster's eyes.
"Very well then. I believe it's time to put everything back in order. You don't mind Severus, do you?"
Dumbledore didn't wait for an answer. A long smooth wave with his wand and the room began to change. The broken glass and destroyed table began to repair themselves piece by piece. The fallen books flew back to their shelves as did the candleholders and the remaining objects. The spilled firewhiskey on the floor and empty bottles vanished. Severus' ebony frockcoat lifted off the ground and folded itself neatly to land swiftly on the sofa next to its owner.
When Dumbledore turned back to his colleague, he found himself on the receiving end of a murderous glare. Unimpressed, he folded his hands and smiled wearily.
"Get some rest, Severus. Save your strength for a better purpose than grief. I trust you will make the right choice… I wish you a restful sleep and expect you at the meeting."
Ignoring the obvious annoyance of his younger colleague, Dumbledore started for the door. Severus frowned as he turned around again with a thoughtful expression.
"Ah… I believe it is necessary she learns the Patronus Charm. Most likely before she returns to Hogwarts."
"I will see to it." Severus replied emotionless.
"Good… Good night, Severus."
With that the headmaster shut the door behind him. He knew not to worry about his colleague. As always since he had sought out Dumbledore all these years ago, Severus would make the right choice. A small smile on his lips, he apparated in the darkness of the starless night.
As soon as the door had closed, Severus growled in frustration. He felt so terribly torn… and drained. A deep scowl set on his features, he went to the cupboard and pulled out another bottle of firewhiskey. Only when he had slumped down on the couch again he let out a shaking breath. Pinching the bridge of his nose, he closed his eyes and leaned heavily against the back of the threadbare sofa.
As much as Severus disliked the old headmaster, he knew Dumbledore was right. Even the mere thought to admit it to himself stung painfully. He hated whenever the headmaster came by to have an annoying timewasting chat. It always ended with another command. This time hadn't been any different. And he despised Dumbledore for his manipulative way in order for people to do his biddings. Arya seemed to be the only one who had noticed this irritating trait as well.
Tonight, Dumbledore had used Arya to disguise his own command. If it had been anyone else, Severus would have merely questioned their intellect, perhaps felt a spark of pity. But the headmaster's boldness to use Arya against him had angered him to no end.
Yet Dumbledore was right and he loathed the man even more for getting away with it once more…
Severus was a Slytherin who knew his traits. Most of all, he was a selfish possessive man. He wanted to protect Arya, to keep her alive. The mere thought of losing her made the tormenting pain in his heavy heart only worse. He wanted to run away with her, hide her, protect her. He would give his life to safe hers.
Severus knew fighting the Dark Lord was essential or else the wizarding world he knew would be destroyed. Many innocents would suffer, muggles and muggleborns would be slaughtered alike, dark magic would become a usual sight.
But he wanted nothing more than to keep her safe and alive. If the price would be to surrender to the Dark Lord he would pay it if only for her life.
Yet he couldn't.
If the Dark Lord would win, he would lose Arya as well. Since being surrounded by nothing but dark magic would kill her as well.
If they would win however she would die with the curse.
Arya would rather die than bow to her father.
She would never abandon her brother.
She would never leave her friends.
He still remembered her words. They were burned in his mind for the rest of his life. She felt responsible for her father's actions. Although, he could understand her to a certain point, he couldn't stop himself from cursing her Gryffindor traits sometimes. Yet they were – with the added Slytherin traits – the reason Severus loved her. With her bright mood and pure fairy heart she lifted his own mood. Slytherins had their own humour and he enjoyed that she shared said trait as well.
He loved her and didn't want to lose her. Yet there was nothing he could do. Arya would never stop fighting… until her death.
Severus had no strength left for anything. He couldn't even sob as fresh tears rolled down his cheeks. His insides writhed in anger; his tormented heart was cracking further and further; his mind couldn't turn off the overwhelming self-loathing with his helplessness.
With great difficulties, he kicked off his boots and moved his body. He was too tall to lay on the couch but he didn't care as his legs rested on the armrest. His head rested heavily on the other one; his gaze wandering to the ceiling. Bringing the bottle to his lips, he drank the burning liquid as if it were nothing but pumpkin juice.
Severus would assist killing the woman he loved.
He would break almost every promise he had made. It was only now when Severus sat on the couch that he understood what Arya had meant before the holidays. She had made promises as well but with her forced death she would never be able to keep them.
He would assist a monster causing immense suffering and uncountable deaths.
He would become what he loathed the most once more.
He would lose.
Yet Severus knew, the second he left his childhood home he would keep fighting.
He had begun fighting many years ago as soon as he had sobered up from losing Arya for the first time. Severus would never forget how angry and broken he had been after seemingly erasing her memories. Removing every evidence of her presence in this very house had been as difficult as pointing his wand at a seven-year-old Arya.
He had promised himself back then to find her again, protect and take care of her. Although, Severus had made these promises to an Arya whom he had almost considered his own child he had never forgotten them. He would keep them until his death.
Severus didn't like it but he would comply to her wish. He would fight for her.
As long as the alcohol was still in his system, however, he would allow himself to grief. He would drink no more though. Without any potion or magical aid, he would recover from the head bursting hangover he knew he would suffer tomorrow. Either tomorrow or the day after he would get himself back together with his exceeding self-control.
Then he would go to Grimmauld Place and help her in any way she needed.
Briefly, Severus wondered whether their corporal Patronus was the same. His had changed to a doe in his youth because he had foolishly believed to be in love with Lily Potter. He contorted his face in disgust. Rolling his eyes at the ceiling, he emptied the bottle and threw it away.
"Stupid… a foolish little boy you've been… only to grow into a foolish man… Believing you'd deserve peace… stupid dunderhead Death Eater." He didn't even notice when he started slurring to himself.
"Servant of the two most powerful wizards in this world… Fuck you both… And screw you Lily Potter… I never loved you… You're nothing compared to my Arya… Quite sad she's your bastard son's friend. He and your husband's friends almost killed her… One day, I'll kill your lap dog and wolf freak for this, Potter… Then I'll kill Lucius Malfoy… Tom Riddle… and then my own girlfriend… I'll kill my Arya… There's not a fucking thing I can do… She wants to die… for the greater good… That's what this is all about… the fucking greater good… with no room for silly sentiments…"
Severus didn't realise when he drifted off into a deep slumber in the early morning. The alcohol and emotional suffering finally getting the better of him…
It was the next day, early in the afternoon when Severus came down the stairs. He wore his usual black attire. The cold mask of indifference covered his features as hard obsidian eyes took in the unobtrusive sitting room. Everything was neat and back in place. His body betrayed no sign of the heavy hangover he had endured the day before.
Severus had made his choice.
With a loud cracking noise he apparated to Grimmauld Place, headquarter of the Order of the Phoenix. Facing the front door, he allowed himself a last moment to make sure he was ready for what was about to come. Knowing that Arya was in this house, that Dumbledore had had the audacity to leave her under Black's watch made his insides writher with anger and hatred. The mere thought of his schooltime enemy was enough to set a dark scowl on his face.
Severus' eyes darkened even more when he remembered the werewolf's attack. He would never forget Arya's scream as it had cut her. Or the pool of blood around her body. He would never forget how frightened and terrified he had felt when she had not opened her eyes again. He had almost lost her. She had almost died because of Sirius Black and Remus Lupin. No, he would never forget or forgive.
Trying to ignore the burning anger in his heart, Severus finally entered the Order's safehouse. His lips curled in disgust when he thought of Arya being in the house of a Death Eater family. She deserved so much more than being trapped in here with the arrogant and foolish Sirius Black.
Severus' heart clenched painfully at the mere thought of her. His lungs had difficulties breathing in fresh air. While he had never liked this place before, he definitely hated it more than anything now. An icy shiver ran down his spine when he strode to the kitchen. Clenching his jaw, he mentally prepared himself for any encounter. Silently, he was praying Arya wouldn't be in there.
The voices died down and anyone turned to the door as soon as Severus entered the room. Black eyes flickered rapidly over the few people. He barely managed to suppress a sigh of relief when he couldn't spot Arya among them. He didn't miss the chill that seemed to enter the room with him or the effect it had on the others but as always, he chose to ignore it.
The Weasley's, Harry, Hermione, Sirius Black and Remus Lupin had just finished lunch when the Potions Professor appeared in the kitchen. Oblivious to his struggles and worries, they turned to him with different expressions.
Harry watched his least favourite teacher with barely disguised hatred whilst Sirius looked as if his stomach might empty itself anytime. The Weasley children seemed quite uncomfortable around him. Mr. Weasley nodded respectively in his direction whilst his wife cast him a warm smile. She had never understood why the man was so cold and distant but she would never dare to ask. Molly Weasley knew he wouldn't tell her but she was very well aware of the fact that he was hiding himself behind this stoic mask. As mother of seven children she loved more than anything else she couldn't stop herself from worrying for the man sometimes.
They all looked quite surprised, most of all Sirius Black, as he saw his best friend casting his schooltime enemy a weary sorrowful smile. Remus had never felt comfortable in Severus' presence due to their past. But he would never forget how this very emotionless man in front of him had comforted Aryanna in his classroom. Remus hadn't missed the care and love Severus Snape had shown towards her. Therefore, he couldn't tear his eyes from the unreadable man. He knew behind his mask of indifference Severus was suffering as much as any of those who knew the truth – perhaps even more…
"What do you want here, Snivellus?" Sirius asked threating and pierced Severus with a spiteful glare.
Severus turned and watched him with an expression of great revulsion. The familiar sneer curled his mouth. "I am here on Dumbledore's orders, Black … For Jackson."
Though no one could see it, Severus flinched inwardly as he said her name. Clenching his jaw painfully tight, he made his way over to the cupboard where he kept some vials of various healing Potions. Without difficulties he found the ones he had brewed specifically for the young fairy. With trembling hands he glided the vials into his pocket.
"Why you?" Sirius asked aggressively. "Why can't Dumbledore look after Arya?"
Severus felt the blood in his veins boil. He hated this man to no end especially since he had been the reason for Arya almost dying. Severus balled his fist in the pocket of his cloak over his wand. He spoke in a quiet waspish voice.
"Why, yes… I suppose because I am the Potions Master… and the only one who can treat her wounds… I am sure you must feel… frustrated that you can do nothing useful… in your own house."
Sirius flushed, his face contorted with loathing. Severus curled his lip in triumph, enjoying the effect of his provocation. Ignoring the other man completely, he turned towards Mrs. Weasley with a guarded expression again. Merely his eyes sparkled dangerously when he watched her with his heart beating rapidly in his chest.
"Where is she?"
The usual cold mask of indifference covered Severus' pale features once more. He didn't notice, however, as Remus watched his change rather interested. The latter had had a short conversation with his former head of house McGonagall after the meeting. Although, they hadn't spoken his name aloud they had both been worried about Severus.
Mrs. Weasley watched the younger man with great concern and fidgeted absentminded with her apron. "Upstairs in her room. She has refused to leave it since…" Her voice cracked as she remembered the terrible revelation during the meeting. Her sorrow filled gaze flickered briefly to her husband. "Arya has barely eaten anything and not spoken with anyone. I'm worrying about her… I tried talking to her but… I cannot imagine what she must go through now. We don't know how to help her…"
Severus' heart felt heavier by the second with Mrs. Weasley's words. He noticed the woman's genuine concern for Arya yet he couldn't focus on anything anymore except his own overwhelming pain.
"I will see what I can do…"
Mrs. Weasley nodded and smiled wearily. "Second floor, second door on the left."
With clouded eyes Severus nodded curtly. He swept back across the kitchen, his black cloak billowing behind him.
"Professor?"
Mrs. Weasley didn't wait for him to turn around again. Severus tried to conceal his annoyance as he watched her arrange a plate with some fruits and snacks. He wanted nothing more than to see Arya, talk to her and hold her in his arms… for as long as he could.
Hard eyes flickered from Mrs. Weasley to the plate in her hand. "Please tell her that she needs to eat something at least."
The cold mask didn't betray anything when Severus took the plate out of her hands and strode quietly out of the kitchen.
"If you poison her Snivellus, I'll kill you!" Sirius glared murderous at Severus' retreating figure. The latter was to wrapped up in his own thoughts and worries to bother with a snarky reply.
Severus wasn't accustomed to the kind of fear he was feeling as he climbed up the stairs. His hand holding the plate trembled. His senses were on high alert; his body tensed more and more. With each step the coldness in his heart seemed to increase.
For the first time in his life, Severus was frightened to see Arya.