It seemed as if I had merely slept for a few minutes when Severus woke me again. Groaning, I buried my face in his chest. A warm hand wandered into my hair. Then I felt his soft breath next to my ear.
"Wake up, Arya. It's time for dinner soon."
"I can skip dinner and have breakfast tomorrow." I mumbled tiredly and tried to get back to sleep. The low growl against my ear sounded awfully loud. Severus brushed strains of hair out of my face before pulling back.
"No, you won't!"
Sighing, I rolled on my back and rubbed my face. "How long did I sleep?"
To my annoyance, Severus was already on his feet. He watched me with an absentminded smirk on his lips.
"Almost two hours."
"Feels more like two minutes." I muttered grumpily and moved to the edge of the bed. With a scowl on my face, I looked down at my pyjama trousers. Since I only wanted to lay back down, my motivation to change into proper clothes was quite limited. Sighing, I forced myself on my feet, searching for my shoes and sweater.
When I came out of the bathroom, Severus was standing in front of the window and staring outside. I stepped closer and instantly he turned to wrap me in his embrace. Obsidian eyes watched me intensely before he leaned his forehead against mine.
"When will you return?" I asked fearful and played with the buttons of his frock coat. Severus placed one hand on my jaw, his thumb caressing my cheek tenderly.
"As soon as I can this week." His velvet voice sounded stern when he observed me with an unreadable expression. "You, however, need sleep and proper meals."
Gulping, I nodded and buried my face in his chest. Severus exhaled deeply when he rested his cheek against my head. With one hand buried in my hair he held me firmly against his chest.
"I love you." I spoke into his robes.
Severus pulled back and a shiver run down my spine when I noticed his intense gaze. Slowly he lowered his head, hesitating before finally placing his lips on mine. I gripped the front of his robes tightly. His lips moved gentle and loving against mine. Our tongues caressed each other tenderly. For a short moment, I was completely lost in the warmth of his body pressed protectively against mine.
When Severus pulled back, we were both slightly out of breath. Loving, he brushed his nose against mine before placing one final kiss on my forehead. Severus stepped away and straightened his back. In the blink of an eye, the familiar emotionless expression returned.
"After you, Ms. Jackson." Severus drawled callously.
I chuckled and watched as his features turned blank instantly. The usual cold mask of indifference hid his emotions safely. Severus' lips curled into the familiar provocative sneer, obsidian eyes flashing with false malice.
I rolled my eyes and cast him a mocking smirk. "Of course… if you ask so nicely. Who am I to refuse such a lovely offer."
Severus narrowed his eyes. "That wasn't a question. Therefore… if you care for your dubious reputation, I suggest you shut your mouth and move."
"My dubious reputation? I have no reputation."
Severus sneered at my confused expression before turning towards the door. A swift flick with his wand and all the protection charms lifted from the room. Playing the snarky Potions Professor again, Severus ripped the door open and let it bang loudly against the wall. With an irritatingly smug expression he turned in my direction.
"None you were aware of obviously."
Without another word Severus strode out of the room. His black cloak billowed around his feet. I growled in frustration and hurried after him – only to collide with him in the hallway. Strong hands steadied me before he folded them across his ebony clad chest. I scowled up but merely received a raised eyebrow. I felt too exhausted to do anything else than looking rather grimly in obsidian eyes.
Severus smirked and turned towards the stairs at a much slower pace. My head was still pounding but not as bad as before. Nevertheless, I chose to remain close to the handrails for safety. I didn't miss Severus' concerned glances as we made our way downstairs.
As soon as we had reached the bottom of the stairs, Severus caught my elbow. His gaze flickered quickly through the corridor before he turned to look at me. Although, his face was blank, I saw the warning flicker in his eyes. Severus' soft voice had a final, commanding edge.
"Proper meals and rest. No more self-injuries or hiding." Obsidian eyes pierced me when I lowered my head shamefully. "As much as I doubt anyone in this house might be of great use concerning… this matter, they do care for you… You are not alone!"
When I glanced up, Severus was watching me insistently. I took a deep breath before nodding.
"I won't throw my life away."
I couldn't tear my eyes away as something flickered in the depths of his black eyes. Severus nodded curtly in approval. The familiar nagging feeling of fear threatened to break through the surface once more. My heart ached for Severus' embrace to help me feel better.
Suddenly, it was all over again. Severus snapped out of his thoughts and averted his gaze. A hard expression appeared on his face and he pressed his lips in a thin line. Then he nodded once more and raised a questioning eyebrow. I exhaled a long breath, trying to ease the increasing anxiety. Finally, I nodded and straightened my shoulders.
The sounds of laughter and talking grew louder when we approached the kitchen. The clanking of dishes and pans was audible in the background. Everyone fell silent, however, as soon as Severus entered the kitchen with me trailing behind him. Used to the spiteful glares, he headed straight for the potions' cupboard, leaving me alone in the entrance.
Anxiously, I bit my bottom lip and glanced through the kitchen. The Weasley's were all there along with Hermione and Harry. Sirius and Remus sat at the very same places than the evening of the truth's revelation. To my utter dismay, they were all looking at me. My heart sank lower in my chest, desperately urging me to flee.
"Arya, my dear."
Mrs. Weasley greeted me with a warm, sorrowful smile and rushed over to me. I didn't even have the chance to move before she had already placed an arm around my shoulders. I couldn't suppress the slight wince but if she had noticed it, she didn't show.
Almost automatically, my gaze flickered briefly to Severus who was arranging some vials in the kitchen cabinet. For a short moment he returned my gaze and nodded subtly. Gulping, I tried to suppress the uncomfortable feelings of guilt and shame. I took a deep breath and forced a smile on my lips. It felt like the worst grimace I could do.
"You came right on time. We'll be eating as soon as I'm done preparing dinner." Mrs. Weasley let go of me and looked at her husband with a tired smile. "We're happy to have you with us."
A heavy pit in my stomach wiped the smile away. My whole body felt wobbly and weak all the sudden. It took all my willpower to suppress the stitching of my eyes. My fingers began fidgeting and I glanced at the people around me. I managed a sad smile at Ron's mother before biting the inside of my cheek.
"Thank you…"
My heart was aching with guilt. A part of my mind was screaming that I shouldn't have told them the truth. It merely resulted in the people I cared for being hurt…
"Thank you for your help, Professor."
My head snapped up at Mrs. Weasley's genuine words. Severus became rigid and closed the cabinet before turning around. The air grew thick with an awkward silence. Severus' impassive face didn't betray anything when black orbs fixed the Weasley matron. Although she didn't break the gaze, I could sense her uneasiness with the seemingly emotionless man in front of her. After what seemed like an eternity another voice cut through the heavy tension.
"What's there to thank for?" Sirius' voice was laced with disdain. Instantly, my smile vanished again and a spark of annoyance lighted in my heart. Severus clenched his jaw and his eyes became even darker with flaring hatred.
"He's only here because Dumbledore told him to. As if he'd give a damn about Arya or anyone else in this room." Sirius spat coldly and glared at the man in question. Goose bumps erupted on my arms when Severus' features contorted with a spiteful, yet triumphant expression. Thin lips curled in a provocative sneer. His voice was quiet but terribly waspish.
"Why else should I set foot into your… home? Ah… It must be frustrating… especially for someone with your arrogance to sit and stay whereas the Headmaster chooses everyone else for essential tasks."
Sirius jumped up from his chair. His face was contorted with fury. My friends and the Weasley children watched the scene with various feelings. I couldn't help my growing anger with their stupid arguing. My guilt and sorrow had been forgotten when I clenched my teeth and scowled at the supposed adult men. I could feel the headache increasing irritatingly fast.
"Get out of my house, Death Eater!" Sirius roared with mutual loathing. As he attempted to approach Severus, Remus stood up and gripped his arm tightly. My heart sank lower when Sirius shook him off and came even closer. Now he was standing a few steps to my right while Severus remained frozen on the spot next to the kitchen cabinet.
"You should not try to command me, Black… As it happens, I will return as soon as possible." Severus snarled viciously.
"For what? You're unwelcomed here and of no use anyway." Sirius replied with bared teeth.
The most derisive expression appeared on Severus face; his voice laced heavily with malice. Black eyes flashed triumphantly, only increasing my anger. "Of no use – is that so? Yet the Headmaster asked me to speak with Jackson and not you. One might wonder why…"
Sirius growled and darted forward before Remus could hold him back. Instinctively, I stepped in his way. Sirius stopped dead in his track and glared down at me. I watched him unimpressed, a deep frown on my face. When I turned to scowl at Severus, he was watching me with a similar expression.
"Stay out of this, Arya." Sirius growled, barely able to contain his hatred. His burning gaze flickered back to Severus. Again they were glaring daggers at each other; their gazes as murderous as possible.
"Ironic…" Severus snarled venomous. "For once I agree with you."
"What did you do to her, Snivellus? She's not stupid enough to trust you. Did you hex her? Poisoned her? Or maybe you threatened her to obey your commands…?"
Severus' sallow features turned into the familiar mask of cold indifference. Obsidian eyes flashed dangerously, his voice hard and cold as ice. "Not everyone is a coward, Black. I have no desire, nor the need to lower myself to your level of incompetence."
Oh, shut up! Please just shut up! My blood was boiling in my veins. At the same time cold shivers ran repeatedly down my back with his murderous silence. My head throbbed painfully now. Why can't you both grow up and be at least somewhat civil with each other?! Is that so hard to-
"My incompetence? I'm not the Death Eater here, Snivellus…" A wicked expression contorted Sirius' features. Although Severus seemed impassive, the burning fury in his eyes was clear for everyone to notice. I shuddered when my fairy senses noticed the intense and genuine wish for revenge around him.
"If I recall, it was your own stupidity and mistrust that almost killed Jackson. Your arrogance and pride were-"
"Stop this nonsense!" Annoyed, I threw my hands up which merely resulted in my headache to increase even more. Anger and desperation were raging in my heart as I scowled half-heartedly at them. "We're all on the same side."
Two pairs of burning eyes glared down at me. Whilst Sirius looked at me as if I were insane, Severus seemed incredibly annoyed with my interruption. I knew he would most certainly never stop blaming Sirius for the werewolf's attack… and whatever had happened during their time in Hogwarts. Defeated, I let out a deep breath and lowered my head. Tiredly, I stepped to the table and slumped down on one of the chairs. I leaned my elbows on the wooden table and buried my face in my hands.
"I just should have stayed in my room." I muttered under my breath. Slowly, I raised my head and looked wearily at them. They were still glaring at each other. I scoffed and instantly Severus' gaze flickered to me.
"Watch your tongue elb. As I told you before, you do not command me." Severus' low growl interrupted the loaded tension.
It wasn't the warning undertone that caused my sleep clouded mind to wake up. It seemed as if Severus' form of address had increased my friends' dislike. Harry and Ron narrowed their eyes at the Potions Professor whilst Hermione watched him with a deep frown.
Severus didn't seem to realise as his features changed to the familiar mask of cold indifference. His eyes lost every trace of overwhelming emotions, black staring at me hard. He squared his shoulders and clenched his jaw tightly.
"This week, Jackson. Remember our agreement." Severus' voice was devoid of all emotions but I understood the true meaning nonetheless.
I let out a deep breath and bit the inside of my cheek. Warmth spread in my heart, flooding the rest of my body as well. The heavy pit in my stomach dissolved as fast as it had appeared. My heart pounded loudly in my chest when I remembered that Severus knew the whole truth now… and had promised to stay by my side.
"Thank you… sir." I fidgeted nervously with my fingers, trying to control my overwhelming emotions. I glanced up and my lips twitched into a small smile. Obsidian eyes bore intensely in mine and send a tingling sensation through my whole body.
"If I should find you in a weakened state again, I won't hesitate to impose the intake of a sleeping draught. Hopefully you won't be foolish enough to waste my time…"
My cheeks hurt from trying to suppress the grateful expression. So, instead I gulped and bit my bottom lip. Inwardly, my heart was almost jumping out of my chest with happiness. Whilst everyone else merely heard a subtle insult, I had understood the meaning behind his words. Severus wasn't angry with me or else he would have stormed off after my thanks.
One last glance at Mrs. Weasley and Severus strode past me. Black swaying hair and equally black billowing cloak were the last things I saw before he had finally left the kitchen. For a short moment, I felt the strong urge to run after him. Shaking my head with a small smile, I turned back towards the table and met the gazes of my best friends. Instantly all my anxiousness returned and I gulped down the forming lump in my throat. I felt terribly insecure and rather helpless as to how I should behave now. Neither Hermione nor the Weasley children were aware of the truth…
"The git didn't hurt you, did he?" Sirius asked in a cold voice. His gaze flickered from the door back to me.
I sighed annoyed and opened my mouth to snap at him. However, as soon as our eyes locked, I saw something I had never seen before. Not that I had spent much time around Sirius, but I saw genuine concern on his face. His eyes flashed with empathy and anger beyond the hatred between him and Severus. Although I felt tired, I sensed the overwhelming waves of a protective instinct radiating off Sirius' body. For some unknown reason, it reassured me and set me on edge at the same time.
Closing my mouth again, I narrowed my eyes and scowled half-heartedly. "Of course not. He's on our side, Sirius. So I'd appreciate if you pulled yourself together. Your bickering's pretty exhausting."
"Bickering…? Well, I don't trust him and I'm really surprised you do." Sirius let himself fall back in his chair and folded his arms firmly across his chest. His voice was less venomous however, so I leaned my chin into the palm of my hand and observed him lazily.
"I trust him as well…" My gaze wandered to Hermione who was watching us with a thoughtful expression. Sirius raised his eyebrows at her and Remus smiled slightly to himself. "I mean, I know he's quite… rude at times… but Dumbledore trusts him so I think we should as well."
"Maybe… but he's still acting like a git Slytherin." Ron muttered loud enough for us to hear. "He's just as annoying and bad as Malfoy."
"Ronald!"
Ron shrank in his seat under the stern glare of his mother. Warningly, she raised the cooking spoon in her hand before turning back towards her steaming pots. Harry and Ron exchanged short grins, earning them an eye-roll from Hermione.
The normalcy of the entire situation let my thoughts wander to the time before I had learned the truth. Everything had felt simpler and less complicated. Absentminded, I smiled at my memories before reality returned in the blink of an eye.
"I share your opinion, Hermione. Dumbledore's a great man who knows Severus better than we do. He trusts Severus' judgement." Remus cast my best friend a reassuring smile. A spark of sympathy erupted in my heart and I bit my bottom lip to hold in my words of gratitude. Instead, my mouth chose to blurt out the next best thing that came into my mind.
"Albus Dumbledore may be a powerful wizard but he's a terrible man…"
The following silence was only interrupted by Mrs. Weasley's cooking. I could feel everyone's eyes on me and licked my dry lips nervously. Slowly, I leaned back into my chair and stared down at the table. I knew nobody here shared my opinion because no one knew the real Albus Dumbledore.
"Why terrible? We all have good and bad traits and habits, Dumbledore is – by all means, no exception. But nobody could ever say he's a terrible person." Mr. Weasley sounded confused and curious at the same time. When I raised my head in his direction, blue eyes were observing me questioning.
For a long moment, we simply stared at each other. I was at a loss for words since I didn't know what to say. There was nothing I could say without revealing my own past… and the truth about Severus or Draco. The hate in my heart wanted to make them see reason and realize the truth. My mind knew that Dumbledore was on our side but I simply couldn't cope with all the mistakes he had done. The worst about him was the way he treated those he deemed lower than himself. Every Slytherin – no matter how innocent – was a disgusting being in his eyes not worth of being saved. Dumbledore considered himself a Gryffindor but had all the traits he despised most in apparently every Slytherin. While the four houses were meant to bring people together, the rivalry and mistrust between Slytherin and the other houses had developed into an unhealthy, highly unfair obsession and sense of judgement. As a man with magical power and respect of most people, Dumbledore had way too much influence. Instead of putting an end to the fights and hatred, he merely encouraged it with his actions…
"Well, he's certainly no fool." I replied vaguely and bore my nails deeply into my forearm. My fairy senses felt the penetrating feelings of doubt and slight mistrust. My heart clenched painfully in my chest. Never before had I felt so uncomfortable being with all these people… with my friends. My feet itched to stand up and leave. Ever muscle in my body was strung to breaking point.
"Careful, everyone. Food is coming." Mrs. Weasley interrupted the heavy silence.
Pots and bowls loaded with food flew onto the table. While I didn't process as everyone began moving and chatting again, I flinched when a pot landed suddenly next to me. When I glanced around, I noticed Remus watching me with a thoughtful expression. Concern dominated his soft features. Uncomfortable, I lowered my gaze to my plate and felt the nagging hunger in my stomach returning at once.
With a heavy heart, I sighed and began eating. I couldn't bring myself to look up once during dinner, although the mood had shifted back to the usual banter, talking and laughing. I knew my friends would ask me about the Order meeting eventually. As soon as I would be back to my old self by tomorrow, I would lie and keep the truth from everyone I tried to protect. This knowledge was whirling endlessly in my mind; each heartbeat merely increasing my nagging guilt…