Disclaimer: I do not own the Twilight saga, movie or book series. I only own the plot for this story and any characters I decide to make.
A personal thank you to Lady Skyelite for reminding me of important things for this story and suggesting things that I have applied to his chapter.
A round of applause for Lady Skyelite, Fanficqueen306 and my other reviewers who gave me the helpful information I needed to make this story even better. I love you guys! :)
I shifted from foot to foot, biting my lip and waiting for directions. Alice gave my hand a gentle squeeze, reminding me of her supportive presence while simultaneously adding to the emotional pressure I put on myself.
I really didn't want to receive a negative result. I didn't want to let either of them down.
Jasper gave me a reassuring smile from where he leaned against the wall beside the office door.
"Lie down, please." Carlisle instructed, sitting on the rolling chair and slipping on gloves. "Try to relax, Bella, it will be over soon."
I focused on my breathing. In. Out. In. Out.
I willed myself not to start sweating, knowing all three would be able to smell it. I had no hope of hiding my nerves from Jasper, it simply wasn't possible, so I settled for not sweating. I shouldn't be nervous, I logically knew. It was an easy process, Carlisle had done it numerous times over his years of medical practice. I had nothing to worry about.
So why couldn't I shut off my nerves? My mind?
"Relax." He repeated in his soothing voice. I couldn't see him due to the sheet he draped over my knees to preserve my modesty.
I made myself sag into the medical bed he had placed in the room for things like this. I focused on everything but the procedure. What would I do for college if I did get pregnant? The rumor mill would be vicious and the work load exhausting, it would also be especially daunting with my new physical limitations. How would I cope?
Location was also an issue. Edward knew about this house and if he was serious, than it wouldn't be safe for me to live here while I was pregnant or after delivery.
But where could we move that was safe?
A gentle hand on my covered knee drew me out of my thoughts.
"You can dress, now." Carlisle murmured, rolling away and removing his gloves. He added notes to the chart he'd started to record the progress of this adventure. I knew it was unnecessary for him, because of his memory, but he said it would help others that came after us if they were in the same situation and didn't know what to expect.
I thought it was thoughtful and logical.
Alice held the sheet up so I could dress quickly without flashing anyone accidentally.
He put the clipboard down, grabbing the gloves from where they'd rested on his thigh and rolled toward the trash can. In the brief glimpse of his face I caught, there was something about his expression that made my stomach sink.
No. Please, no.
"Carlisle?" Alice asked tentatively, apparently seeing what I see. Jasper's expression was grim, sad. He felt something from his father.
"It didn't work, did it?" I whispered, sitting on the bed, my knees threatening to give out on me. I saw their reactions, but I needed the words. I needed Carlisle to tell me if it worked or it didn't.
Carlisle paused his movements, his hand hovering over the trash for a moment, before resuming motion. His body tensed, then his shoulders sagged and he stood from the chair, taking the few steps to where I sat on the bed.
"I'm sorry." He murmured, the words felt like cuts to my heart. He squeezed my shoulder, then Jaspers, and finally Alice's hand before leaving the room.
I appreciated the space to come to terms with the news. It didn't work. I wasn't pregnant.
My mind ran through every moment since the injection, looking for any signs. Did I do something wrong? Were there indications that this wouldn't work?
"I'm sorry. I'm so sorry." I choked out, fighting tears. "I don't know what happened."
Jasper hadn't moved from his place leaned against the wall, his eyes dark, his marble features frozen in despair. His face suddenly contorted in pain and sadness, his eyes clouding. "Bella, this isn't your fault."
I couldn't find it in me to believe him.
Alice hugged me, wrapping me in her frosty embrace, but it didn't help. She pulled back, rubbing my arms in comfort.
Their matching expressions of loss and sadness cut me deeper than I thought I could ever be cut.
I did that to them.
No matter what they said, this was my fault. I gave them hope and snatched it away in the same cruel swoop.
"I'm sorry." I repeated, leaving the room as fast as I could. I couldn't stand to see their faces any more, their pain.
I fled to my bedroom and slammed the door shut, sliding down the wood until I sat on my carpeted floor. I held my head in my hands, my forehead touched the tops of my knees as I cried. I cried for them and I cried for me, I cried for the child that wasn't meant to be.
Why?
That's the question that kept playing over and over again in my head.
Why? Why? Just. . .why?
I wish I knew the answer.
Another terrible thought came. The others were out hunting, they didn't know yet. I could picture their faces, as much as it hurt me to. Esme, Rosalie, they'd be devastated when they hear. They'd had especially high hopes about this appointment and what it meant for the future. I knew what this meant to them and I failed them.
If I were any of them, I wouldn't want to see me for a while.
Later that night, I snuck downstairs for something to eat. I didn't want to risk running into any of my extended family, but my stomach was growling loud enough that I was surprised the Denali clan hadn't called to demand I be fed. I took the unwanted risk, tip toeing into the kitchen and immediately stopping short.
Esme, the sweet and motherly spirit, had left me a small plate of sandwiches and a bottle of water. I could tell from the smell of her perfume that she must have hastily exited only a moment before I entered the kitchen. She was giving me space, although I know it must be killing her to not run up to me and comfort me. Carlisle or Jasper must have told her I needed time and she must have decided to heed their advice.
I appreciated the space, at the same time I longed for support and comfort. Isn't that odd?
I blinked away fresh tears, instead sitting at the counter and accepting the offer of comfort she felt she could give me without violating my need for space.
I ate the food, washed my dish, drank all the water and refilled the bottle so I could take it with me as I left. I did feel a little bit better since I ate, heading upstairs to lay down.
I was so tired.
THE NEXT DAY
I was done crying, feeling sorry for myself. Now, I'd act.
I strode up to Carlisle's study, my heart beating in my chest. I knocked on the door, nerves wracking my body.
"Come in, Bella." He called smoothly from inside. If I didn't know them so well, I'd ask how he did that, but I got used to it and learned not to ask.
I entered the room and sat in the chair on the other side of his desk. I wiped my hands on the front of my jeans, hoping to get rid of the sweaty palms.
"I've thought about this a lot since yesterday. I know the outcome wasn't as we'd hoped, and I admit that I was upset. Not at you, but the situation. Anyway, I have decided, after a lot of thought, that I want to try again." I met his shocked golden eyes. I would have thought it comical if I wasn't so serious about this.
"Pardon?" He inquired, almost dropping the book he was reading.
"I want to try again." I repeated, biting my lip when he only stared at me.
He shook himself out of it after a moment. "Bella. . . Are you sure about this? Once it is done, I cannot undo it until a certain point."
I nodded firmly. "I'm sure. This is what I want."
"Alright, I'll take blood tomorrow, and we can discuss a time frame." He sighed, placing the book on his desk. "You should speak with Jasper as well, if he is still your choice of father."
"He is." I replied without hesitation. "I will talk to him when he gets back from his hunting trip."
The first move had been made, now for the next part. Talk to Jasper about this.
I'll need all the luck I could get.
I sucked in a breath, collecting calm to fuel my courage.
What if he said no? What if he got upset? What if Alice said no?
I shook my head, dislodging the thoughts. I couldn't think like that.
I put on my big girl panties and searched for Alice. I found her leaning against my bedroom door.
"I saw your future disappear again, Bella. I know what you are planning to speak with me about." The little pixie like vampire paused, a small smile lighting up her delicate features. "I would be happy to continue. I need to discuss this with Jasper, but I don't think he would be against the idea."
I blinked. That I did not expect.
"Wait outside the living room until the clock chimes three." She said cryptically and danced away.
I did as she asked and stood outside the living room, listening intently for the clock.
It felt like a lifetime before I heard three chimes, I wasted no time in entering the living room and heading straight for the couch where Jasper and Alice sat, talking.
"Jasper?" I didn't want to be rude, so I made sure he knew I was there in a sort of subtle way.
"Bella." He responded, giving me a polite nod. "Alice mentioned that you wished to speak to me about something?"
"I want to try again." I blurted out, far less tactful than I had planned. I winced, hoping he wouldn't react badly.
"What?" He asked, his voice and face betraying his shock. He rapidly glanced between Alice and I.
"Please don't be upset, but I have decided that I would like to try again, if you still want me to carry a child for you." I responded, keeping watch on his expressions.
"I don't understand, yesterday-" He cut himself off and sighed. "You were unhappy and it was because of this. Why would you want to go through that a second time? I can't ask you to."
"I want to try until I know for sure that I can't do this. Not just for you or your family, but for me, too. I can't live with letting this go and never knowing if whether I tried one more time, if I could have gotten pregnant." I held his gaze, praying he understood. "I want to do this, you aren't asking or making me do anything."
"This is why you were asking all those hypothetical questions." He turned to Alice, understanding dawning on his face.
She smiled.
"If you're sure, then I suppose we can try." Jasper murmured, squeezing Alice's hand.
"The only thing to decide now is when we would do this. Why don't you two talk about any preferences, I will wait outside. Holler or come fetch me when you're ready." I whirled on a heel and left them to it.
I grabbed some cold grilled chicken from the fridge to nibble on and sat crossed legged on the floor of the kitchen, less than five feet from the living room.
I had finished my snack when they had come to a decision.
I took a seat on the love seat, settling so I was facing them.
"How does two weeks from now sound?" Jasper asked.
I shrugged, no reasons for an objection coming to mind.
A thought suddenly popped in my head.
"Alice, has anything come up?" I figured maybe if we had decided to do this, she might be able to have visions.
"No. I can't see anything, it might be because the child would be neither fully human or fully vampire." She frowned, concentrating. She sighed, slumping in her seat and shaking her head.
"That's okay, we'll take this one day at a time." I assured her.
We made a visit to Carlisle's office to tell him what we decided fifteen minutes later.
"You wish to proceed with the insemination two weeks from now?" Carlisle asked, golden eyes watching my reactions carefully. He had dismissed Alice and Jasper few moments earlier.
"Yes." I answered, noting the way his shoulders released some tension.
"I would like to run a full blood panel and for you to begin taking pre natal vitamins and folic acid supplements within the week, so you will have all the things you need to carry a healthy child in the future." He commented, making notes on his clipboard. "Also, we could try all through that week, multiple times a day to increase your chances to conceive."
"That sounds logical. Let's do it. Um, about the blood. . . Could Esme be here for that part? When it comes to it, I mean." I blushed, I still hated needles.
"Of course."
"Thank you."
"If I may suggest? I recommend trying more than once a month, even after this next round. I would say every five days and maybe two days after, if you are alright with it. It would drastically help your odds."
"I would have to talk to Jasper, he's the other half of this, he may not want to provide. . .the ingredients that often." I mumbled awkwardly toward the end. I was uncomfortable talking about ingredients, even after we agreed to get me pregnant with his child. Well, his and his other male family members children as well.
"Good, let me know what you decide, whether separately or together." His head titled to the side, his eyes focused on something else for a moment.
"Is everything alright?" I asked, a little nervous that it was bad news.
"Esme has asked for a family meeting, we should join the rest of the family in the living room." He explained, putting the clipboard away and standing.
"Oh." I mutter intelligently.
"I have asked you here, because I believe we should discuss a few things, now more than ever." Esme began, glancing around the room. "There are quite a few things we need to discuss. First and foremost is Bella's safety. We should consider moving, as long as we stay here, we risk Edward or the wolves retaliating to the news of Bella's pregnancy. There's also the issue of school and how the community will react. Any suggestions?"
"What? Like leave Forks entirely?" I blistered, I had been in Washington less than three years! Now, I was expected to just pick up and leave again? What the hell?
"I'm afraid so." Carlisle replied gravely, voice soft.
"I can't just take off-just pick up and leave Washington." I protested, not believing the situation called for this.
"I'm sorry, I know you have only lived here for a few years, but it's the best solution to keep you and the children safe." Esme turned her soft, golden eyes on me and I thought about her words.
They made sense, even though I didn't want them to.
"We can't go to a property we've used before, he knows where they all are and would find us with little effort. It also can't be close to a previous property. We would also have to use a new name to purchase it." Jasper supplied, frowning and the bright gold in his eyes fading to a darker color to match his mood.
I frowned. Edward had been with the Cullens a long time, been part of their thought process while they chose names. He probably knew every alias they had.
We would need a completely new alias.
Like lightning, inspiration struck.
Grandma Swan.
"My grandmother's maiden name." I blurted, interrupting the Cullens rapid fire of alias ideas.
"What was that?" Esme inquired, blinking at me.
"You could use my grandmother's maiden name for the purchase." I explained, getting excited.
It made sense, I'd be living with them, naturally. I was kind of having their kids and they're talking about it because it concerns my safety.
"You would allow us to do that?" Rosalie demanded, gold glare on full throttle.
I resisted the urge to roll my eyes at her.
Sometimes, we got along. Sometimes, as you can clearly see, not so much.
"Yes." I answered casually, not letting her attitude bother me.
"Alright, the next issue is the time line itself. Edward may want to retaliate when the news of the pregnancy reaches him, as will the wolves. Not to mention the community's vicious gossip mill that will not spare her." Carlisle glanced my way, a thoughtful look on his face. "We aren't young and we haven't aged like those around us. The people of Forks will notice soon. The sooner we can leave, the better it will be for all of us."
"We just graduated and none of us are going to college. We can leave as soon as we find a place to buy. So, say six months? Eight at the most." Emmett pitched in." We could always choose a spot and build what we need. The build might snag the townspeoples attention before we're quite ready, but they'd know we were there eventually."
"It could work. Until then, I want you to look after one another, especially Bella."
"I won't go to college anytime soon, maybe I could take some courses while I was recovering from the first delivery. However, I highly doubt it. I'm fine with that. Let's get ourselves a safe home for the children."
It was decided.
Esme, Rosalie and Jasper would search for a home that suited our needs. Carlisle and Emmett would make blue prints in case they were required. Now, for the suggestions Carlisle made for me, medically.
Such as, the full panel Carlisle mentioned.
Ugh. . . .