Pain of love (Severus Snape love story)

by DracoTatzeSnape

Arya Jackson is the daughter of Tom Riddle and fairy Leyanne. The true burden of her blood begins with a magical journey in Hogwarts. Torn between her Gryffindor friends and Slytherin family, Arya desperately fights the house rivalry. Her secret connection with Severus Snape grows stronger and even more complicated. Yet it turns into a powerful weapon in the upcoming wizarding war.

66. Chapter 66 - Return to Hogwarts

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h2span lang="EN-GB" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-GB;"66. Return to Hogwarts/span/h2
p class="MsoNormal"The train was gathering more speed, so that the houses outside the window flashed past. My heart was hammering in my chest by now. I was on my way back to Hogwarts. I would face Draco and Blaise sooner or later. During the next few days, we would find out who believed the truth about my father's return and who had swallowed the lies from the Ministry. I closed my eyes briefly and took a shaking breath. emI will see Severus again. I will see him tonight. /emMy heart wasn't into cheering myself up though. If possible, my anxiety became even worse./p
p class="MsoNormal"em"Hi Luna."/em Ginny greeted a girl in an otherwise empty compartment. em"Is it okay if we take these seats?"/em/p
p class="MsoNormal"I ended up taking the seat opposite to the other girl. When I lifted my head to look at her properly, I found myself unable to breathe. I didn't know her but apparently, she was in Ginny's year. Yet it was her looks that froze my entire body. Pale skin, like Draco. White blonde hair, like Draco. Blue eyes, almost similar to his. Blue eyes were staring at me./p
p class="MsoNormal"I blinked and drew a deep breath. The girl – Luna – was staring at me with curiosity; her bright blue eyes fixing me without blinking once. Then her gaze wandered to Harry. I shook my head slightly and gulped. I stared out of the window instead. My hand scratched my marked forearm as my thoughts drifted away to my brother. Worry and fear were battling, merely increasing my suppressed panic./p
p class="MsoNormal"em"You're Aryanna Jackson."/em Luna's dreamy voice ripped me out of my thoughts. I glanced at her and found myself once again, fixed by an unsettling stare. I didn't care to correct my name and merely turned back towards the window. I didn't see the passing trees or mountains. All I saw was a pale blonde with ice blue eyes glaring down at me with a very furious expression./p
p class="MsoNormal"I turned again when somebody nudged my arm. Harry was glancing from my eyes down to my arm. His eyebrows furrowed with concern. Slowly, I released the claw-like grip on my forearm and fidgeted nervously with my hands. I attempted to smile at him but it felt more like a grimace. Sighing, I bit the inside of my cheek and shook my head. Then I grabbed my bag from under the seat and busied myself searching it. When I could no longer feel my best friend's stare, I pulled out a Potions book Sirius had allowed me to take. Of course, it had nothing to do with the Dark Arts. Since Severus had discovered this one book in my room, I had persistently pushed every thought of a cure to the back of my mind. However, I couldn't forget about it…/p
p class="MsoNormal"My thoughts were interrupted once more, when Neville presented his newest gift – a plant that squirted thick, slimy liquid as a defence mechanism. Since he was sitting on Harry's other side, I was mostly spared. A quick cleaning spell and the evidences of the accident had vanished. To Harry's misfortune, Cho Chang – the Ravenclaw seeker – appeared the moment he was covered from head to toes with the green liquid. Only half interested, I found myself trapped in my own mind again./p
p class="MsoNormal"em"Well, there are two fifth-year prefects from each house. Boy and girl from each."/em Hermione and Ron had returned from their meeting. Hermione looked slightly disgruntled and cast me a dark look./p
p class="MsoNormal"em"And now guess who are the Slytherin prefects."/em Ron scowled. My heart clenched painfully in my ribcage. I knew the answer already. Subconsciously, I had known since Ron and Hermione had received their badges./p
p class="MsoNormal"em"Malfoy."/em Harry spat with disdain. I gulped and my gaze flickered to Hermione. She was fixing me with a glare, similar to the one she had shown me last year when I had told her the truth about my brother and Blaise./p
p class="MsoNormal"I shuddered and felt my panic increase all the sudden. emAm I betraying them? There are so many things about me that my best friends don't know… Draco… What am I supposed to do? How can I tell him the truth? How can I tell him that I'll die? /emThe conversation between my friends was forgotten and my mind elsewhere. My body turned colder and colder as I absentmindedly watched the passing landscape./p
p class="MsoNormal"I flinched when the compartment door opened with a banging noise. My body froze in my seat, my heart stopped and I was sure everyone could see my panic. Flanked by Crabbe and Goyle, Draco stood in the doorway with a cold smirk on his lips. He looked different – he had grown, obviously. But it wasn't just that – he resembled Lucius more than ever. It was frightening how his features had sharpened so much like his father's. A cold shiver ran down my spine. Draco pointedly ignored me, staring straight at Harry instead./p
p class="MsoNormal"em"What?"/em He said aggressively, before Draco could open his mouth./p
p class="MsoNormal"em"Manners, Potter."/em He drawled coldly. em"You see, I, unlike you, have been made a prefect, which means that I, unlike you, have the power to hand out punishments."/em/p
p class="MsoNormal"His voice sounded muffled in my ears. I couldn't move, I couldn't avert my gaze, I could barely breathe. Draco seemed to be alright. I couldn't sense any kind of Dark Magic on him which meant that he had not been in my father's presence. I let out a deep breath and snapped out of my trance like state when my friends laughed about something Harry had replied./p
p class="MsoNormal"em"Tell me, how does it feel to be second best to Weasley, Potter?"/em Draco taunted loudly. I narrowed my eyes but my lips seemed to be sealed together. Although, I knew, I wouldn't be able to say anything against him anyway. My panic was too intense to allow me clear thoughts./p
p class="MsoNormal"em"Shut up, Malfoy!"/em Hermione snapped angrily and cast me an expectant look which changed instantly to a disappointed glare when I didn't react. I met her eyes, my mind entirely blank before I stared at a sneering Draco. My heart felt as if it was cracking when Draco caught our quiet exchange and cast me a withering look. His lips twitched into an awful, malicious smirk./p
p class="MsoNormal"em"Well, Jackson. How does it feel to be second best to someone like Granger?"/em I could feel their gazes. I could feel Hermione's burning glare on my face, expecting me to say something, to defend her and prove that I didn't agree with his behaviour. But I couldn't open my mouth when ice blue eyes pierced me painfully. em"It truly must be disappointing although, it wouldn't be appropriate if you were Gryffindor's Prefect. I mean, you, out of all female Gryffindor's."/em/p
p class="MsoNormal"I stared at him. My mind was empty. My heart felt empty. My body was cold. The only thing I saw was the burning anger in my brother's eyes. And then suddenly, he was gone and the compartment door closed. Yet, I couldn't tear my eyes away from where Draco had stood mere seconds ago. He was still angry./p
p class="MsoNormal"em"You alright, Arya?" /emGinny asked with furrowed eyebrows. Again, all eyes were on me. I couldn't respond. The heavy pit in my stomach was growing rapidly since Draco had appeared. He was still angry. Wordlessly, I turned towards the window without even seeing the landscape./p
p class="MsoNormal"em"Would you please explain what happened?"/em Hermione whispered angrily. She had pulled me back a little as we were walking towards the carriages. I sighed annoyed but refused to look at her. I also pointedly ignored the whispering and pointing around myself and Harry./p
p class="MsoNormal"em"You were there, Hermione. Just ignore him. Malfoy's have the tendency to be a pain in the ass."/em A thick lump formed in my throat when I heard her disapproving snort. As if I had chosen that things were the way they were./p
p class="MsoNormal"em"I could say the same about you, Jackson."/em Draco knocked my shoulder and sneered coldly. em"A nutter like you shouldn't roam about Hogwarts. I'm surprised the Ministry's still letting you walk around free."/em/p
p class="MsoNormal"I gulped when I felt Draco's body heat. My skin was covered with goose bumps and my heart was pounding in my chest. I was utterly speechless. Draco smirked provocative at Harry, Ron and Ginny who were glaring daggers in return. Then he turned away and passed us. Blaise, walking next to him, turned around and glanced briefly in my direction. While his expression seemed bored, his narrowed eyes were showing his confusion./p
p class="MsoNormal"em"This is what I'm talking about. You're not even saying anything."/em Hermione sat next to me in he carriage, her loud voice attracting my friends' attention. The grip on my bag tightened. I pressed my lips in a thin line and frowned./p
p class="MsoNormal"em"Yes, because the last time I said something, it ended in a fight."/em I replied aggressively and blew out my cheeks in frustration./p
p class="MsoNormal"em"You're not afraid of him now, are you? I mean, it's Malfoy. He's the nutter."/em Ron said, exchanging a look with Harry. He nodded and watched me with raised eyebrows./p
p class="MsoNormal"I let out a deep breath, trying to find some patience. emThere we go again – Draco, the evil person and son of a Death Eater. "Only a nutter would be afraid of him. No, believe it or not, I feel guilty for provoking the fight. If I hadn't taunted him, he wouldn't have snapped completely. He punched me, yes, but I'm the one who pushed him so far." /emSeveral pairs of eyes stared me as if I had grown a second head. I rolled my eyes and scowled at my bag. em"Just forget about it…"/em/p
p class="MsoNormal"I didn't attempt to join their conversation for the rest of the ride. Annoyance had settled in my heart. Why my friends couldn't understand my point of view was beyond my comprehension. Then again, they seemed terribly blinded by their emptions sometimes./p
p class="MsoNormal"People put their heads together to whisper when Harry and I passed them to enter the Great Hall. When the five of us – Neville had joined us – sat down next to Parvati Patil and Lavender Brown, they gave us an airy, overly-friendly greeting. I rolled my eyes at their poor attempt to act as if they hadn't been talking about Harry, and most certainly about me as well. While I simply averted my gaze and ignored them, Harry seemed to have more troubles. He clenched his jaw and glared at nothing in particular. When I carelessly looked around, I saw several people staring in our direction. I chuckled as they hurriedly turned away from my gaze./p
p class="MsoNormal"Every seat was taken at the staff table. My lips twitched into a smile when I spotted Severus, looking as uncomfortable and gloomy as ever. There was a new edge of annoyance in his expression though. Seemingly bored out of his mind, he let his gaze wander over the students. A warm feeling erupted in my stomach when his eyes found me. I had to bite my lip to keep from smiling, then Severus broke the gaze./p
p class="MsoNormal"Harry looked more and more uncomfortable. His previous excitement had vanished completely with the accusing glances and whispers in our direction. I nudged his arm and green eyes turned to look at me. I raised my eyebrows and smirked amused, only to annoy those sitting close enough. I made sure to speak clearly for the eavesdroppers surrounding us./p
p class="MsoNormal"em"Just ignore them, Harry. They've all been brainwashed by the Ministry and the Daily Prophet. In fact, you should pity them for being incapable of using their brains. I've been told, that feigned ignorance is a bliss. Although, cowardice is more like it."/em/p
p class="MsoNormal"em"Speaking of the Ministry – what's that Umbridge woman doing here?"/em Harry narrowed his eyes at the staff table. We turned around and I spotted the new face./p
p class="MsoNormal"em"Who?"/em Hermione asked confused. em"Do you mean the woman sitting next to Dumbledore?"/em/p
p class="MsoNormal"em"She was at my hearing, she works for Fudge."/em/p
p class="MsoNormal"A cold shiver ran down my spine with his words. Thoughtfully, I observed the new staff member. She wore an appalling pink cardigan, matching the pink bow in her short, curly, brown hair. She was rather squat with a flabby face and a very wide, slack mouth. Scowling, I pressed my lips in a thin line, my index absentmindedly tracing my lips. emA Ministry employee at Hogwarts. This can't be good…/em/p
p class="MsoNormal"Hermione muttered something inaudible under her breath and looked grim. Our eyes locked and I knew she was thinking along the same lines. The Ministry and Hogwarts had always remained independent from one another./p
p class="MsoNormal"Finally, Professor McGonagall arrived with the new first-years. She was carrying a stool on which sat the ancient Sorting Hat. The buzz of talk faded away as our head of house placed the stool in front of the new students, then stood back. Then the rip near the hat's brim opened wide like a mouth./p
p class="MsoNormal"em"In times of old when I was new/em/p
p class="MsoNormal"emAnd Hogwarts barely started/em/p
p class="MsoNormal"emThe founders of our noble school/em/p
p class="MsoNormal"emThought never to be parted…"/em/p
p class="MsoNormal"The Sorting Hat sang the story of Hogwarts' founding. It explained how the four houses had meant to bring peace and unity, like the founders' friendship. Since Salazar Slytherin had left Hogwarts and abandoned his friends, Slytherin house had been shunned by the others. Amazed, I listened to the song that was so very different from the previous years. When the words turned more serious, goose bumps erupted on my arms. Instinctively, I rubbed my marked forearm./p
p class="MsoNormal"em"…Oh, know the perils, read the signs/em/p
p class="MsoNormal"emThe warning history shows,/em/p
p class="MsoNormal"emFor our Hogwarts is in danger/em/p
p class="MsoNormal"emFrom external, deadly foes/em/p
p class="MsoNormal"emAnd we must unite insider her/em/p
p class="MsoNormal"emOr we'll crumble from within/em/p
p class="MsoNormal"emI have told you, I have warned you…/em/p
p class="MsoNormal"emLet the Sorting now begin."/em/p
p class="MsoNormal"I was lost in thoughts when the Sorting Hat ended its song. Mutters and whispers punctured the following applause. As far as I knew, the Hat had rarely ever given warnings before. It unsettled me to hear an actual advice coming from the old Hat. Nothing and no one had a stronger connection to the castle than the Sorting Hat./p
p class="MsoNormal"I turned in my seat. I had pointedly chosen to turn my back to the Slytherin table or else I wouldn't have stopped staring at Draco. Surrounded by his Slytherin followers, he acted as snobbish and taunting as always. My heart dropped and I turned back to my plate. Sighing deeply, I began loading my plate with food. emWhat if he's not even willing to meet me…?/em/p
p class="MsoNormal"My attention was snapped away from my thoughts, when Dumbledore finally got to his feet. Talking ceased immediately as all turned to face the Headmaster. I was feeling slightly drowsy now after the satisfying meal. Even though, I listened half-heartedly to Dumbledore's words, my gaze wandered over the staff table and rested on an indifferent looking Severus. My lips twitched into a warm smile, then into a smirk when I remembered our time at Grimmauld Place. Deeply lost in thoughts about our matching Patronus – I would never forget the beautiful shape of my tigress – and the very interesting time with Severus, I stopped listening. My thoughts and feeling were more interesting at this point than the usual, boring speech./p
p class="MsoNormal"I was snapped out of my thoughts however, when a high-pitched, breathy and little-girlish voice replaced Dumbledore's. My eyebrows furrowed deeply and I frowned as my eyes flickered to the Ministry employee. I felt a powerful rush of dislike that I couldn't explain to myself. All I knew was that I loathed everything about her. I scoffed when she gave another little throat-clearing cough. My fairy senses didn't deceive me./p
p class="MsoNormal"Dolores Umbridge gave a despairingly dull speech. My dislike increased even more when she began speaking condescendingly as though we were five-year old children. I had a sudden memory of the playground where Severus had taken me as a child. Parents had spoken to their children the same way and I had been overjoyed that Severus wasn't like them. During her never-ending speech, Umbridge essentially stated that progress in Defence Against the Dark Arts would be limited from now on. The quiet that always filled the Hall when Dumbledore was speaking was breaking up as students put their heads together. Umbridge didn't seem to notice the restlessness of her audience. The teachers, however, were still listening very attentively. Severus was scowling at her. Hermione seemed to be drinking in every word the Ministry employee spoke and, judging by her expression, they weren't at all her taste./p
p class="MsoNormal"em"… The Ministry of Magic has always considered the education of young witches and wizard of vital importance. Although each Headmaster has brought something new to this historic school. Progress for the sake of progress must be discouraged. Let us preserve what must be preserved, perfect what can be perfected and prune practices that ought to be prohibited."/em/p
p class="MsoNormal"Umbridge sat down and Dumbledore clapped. The staff followed his lead, though I noticed that several of them brought their hands together only once or twice before stopping. Very few students joined. I pressed my lips in a thin line and wrinkled my nose in disgust. I definitely didn't like Umbridge at all./p
p class="MsoNormal"em"It certainly was illuminating."/em Hermione said in a low voice. I scoffed sarcastically./p
p class="MsoNormal"em"Illuminating? What a load of waffle!"/em Ron turned a glazed face towards Hermione./p
p class="MsoNormal"em"It explained a lot though."/em I crossed my arms and leaned them on the table./p
p class="MsoNormal"em"Did it?"/em Harry stared at us with a surprised expression./p
p class="MsoNormal"em"There was some important stuff hidden in the waffle."/em I replied absentminded, my gaze fixed on the newest staff member./p
p class="MsoNormal"em"Yes, how about: 'progress for progress's sake must be discouraged'? Or how about: 'prune practices that ought to be prohibited'?" /emHermione snapped when she saw Harry's and Ron's confused expressions. em"It means the Ministry's interfering at Hogwarts."/em/p
p class="MsoNormal"Dumbledore had obviously just dismissed the school, because everyone was standing up ready to leave the Hall. Hermione and Ron left Harry and me to ourselves when they led the first-years to our tower. Some of them looked petrified when they spotted the two of us walking past them. I pushed Harry further down the Hall when his expression changed quickly from amusement to anger. I sighed but at the same time, I felt just as annoyed as he was. Although Harry seemed more affected by the actual whispering, staring and pointing, I felt furious for their ignorance and the Ministry's cowardice. The threat was real. My father had returned and he was getting stronger by the minute. Yet, the Ministry did nothing except making themselves easy prey./p
p class="MsoNormal"The moment I climbed through the portrait hole into the common room, I felt a warm sensation of relief flooding my body. The room looked as welcoming as ever. I smiled and looked around. I was home. My friends were here. Severus was here. My brother was here. Everyone I cared about was here with me for the next few months./p
p class="MsoNormal"I chose to wait for Hermione and made my way to the fire place. A few people were warming their hands by it, leaving the couch unoccupied. I groaned quietly when I fell into the soft cushion, my lips twitching into a happy smile. I was home./p
p class="MsoNormal"The happiness vanished rapidly when the few students near the fire place spotted me. They cast me frightened looks and hurried to leave the common room. I followed them with my gaze, my eyebrows furrowed deeply. I groaned frustrated and buried my face in my hands. This was even worse than I had expected./p
p class="MsoNormal"em"Bloody naïve idiots."/em I muttered under my breath and stared into the crackling fire. em"Brainless, stupid cowards."/em/p
p class="MsoNormal"When I finally entered the girl's dormitories following Hermione, I felt suddenly exhausted. All my worries about Draco, the Ministry, my father vanished as I walked straight to my bed. My senses picked up on the growing tension in the room and I scowled. This year would certainly be difficult./p
p class="MsoNormal"em"Is there a problem?"/em I turned around and looked hard at Parvati Partil, Lavender Brown and Fay Dunbar./p
p class="MsoNormal"Parvati glanced shortly at a very tense looking Lavender before casting me a small smile. Fay Dunbar looked rather disinterested and shook her head before turning back to her own bed. Hermione was busy unpacking her bag but her head was inclined in my direction. My eyes settled on Lavender Brown. Her brown eyes glared darkly at me before her hands started shaking with anger./p
p class="MsoNormal"em"You shouldn't be here! The Ministry never should've allowed you and Harry to return to school."/em I cringed inwardly at her girlish voice. She reminded me of Umbridge. Nevertheless, I raised my eyebrows and feigned surprise./p
p class="MsoNormal"em"And why's that?"/em/p
p class="MsoNormal"Lavender's face contorted with rage. em"Because nobody should be forced to share a dorm with someone like you or Harry. You're liars, the worst people I've ever met! Making up lies about You-Know-Who. It's disrespectful towards Cedric and all those who died in the first wizarding war because of him."/em/p
p class="MsoNormal"My insides turned to ice and an intense rage burned in my veins. It took my entire self-control to keep my voice calm. em"I am the last person who disrespects the dead! I'm not the one who claims that Cedric Diggory's death was an accident. I'm not the one who closes their eyes to the truth. And for your and everyone else's sake I won't keep my mouth shut just because you're a brainless bunch of cowards!"/em/p
p class="MsoNormal"em"How dare you, you arrogant, heartless cow!"/em Lavender screeched, her face turning red. She seemed to be at a loss for words for a moment. Then she stalked fuming to my bed and grabbed my bag. I narrowed my eyes but forced myself not to move. em"I don't want you in my dorm. I don't want to share a dorm with a stupid nutter like you!"/em With that she threw my bag at my feet./p
p class="MsoNormal"em"That's out of order, Lavender."/em Hermione appeared and looked coldly at the other girl./p
p class="MsoNormal"em"Out of order, am I?"/em Lavender pointed at me with a disgusted expression. em"So you believe all the rubbish and lies she's telling about You-Know-Who?"/em/p
p class="MsoNormal"em"Yes, I do."/em Hermione snapped./p
p class="MsoNormal"Lavender wrinkled her nurse and laughed disdainful. em"Of course, why wouldn't you? You're best friend with her and Harry. And you've been chosen as our Prefect. The annoying bookworm and Gryffindor princess, friend of liars and cheats is the new Prefect."/em/p
p class="MsoNormal"em"Lavender, as you so wisely pointed out, I am a Prefect. And I won't tolerate any kind of insults. So shut your big mouth and leave them alone."/em Hermione glared warningly. Lavender scoffed./p
p class="MsoNormal"Before she could say anything, I stepped forward. em"Your problem is with me, Lavender, not Hermione. I suggest you remember that for the next time."/em/p
p class="MsoNormal"There was a moment of silence. Then the fuming girl turned around and went back to her bed. Parvati and Fay Dunbar had watched our argument from the safety of their beds. Lavender ignored us when she disappeared under her blanket. With shaking hands I pulled my pyjama out of my suitcase and left to use the loo./p
p class="MsoNormal"I lay back on my pillows while Hermione bustled around the next bed, putting her things away. Although I had never liked Lavender Brown much, I felt shaken by the argument. How many people were going to suggest that Harry and I were lying? For a moment I felt pity for the Headmaster. Had he suffered like this all summer when the Wizengamot and International Confederation of Wizards had thrown him from their ranks?/p
p class="MsoNormal"emThey'll know we're right in the end./em/p