68. Meeting my Slytherin

Word had spread rapidly about Harry's and my outburst. During dinner people weren't even trying to be subtle. Nobody cared we could hear every word – some of them not the friendliest. We ignored them as best as we could.

My lips twitched into a smile as I walked through the dimly lit corridors in the Dungeons. My friends had returned to the common room. I had merely told them I needed to take a walk. Harry had looked at me suspiciously and so had Hermione, for a very different reason though. I left them with one last smirk.

I knocked firmly on the office door. It opened by itself, revealing Severus' gloomy office. The shelves lining the shadowy walls were occupied by large glass jars. There were more than last year, I noticed. The flickering candle light reflected mysteriously in the many jars. I jumped when strong arms encircled me from behind. My lips twitched in the widest smile possible. I turned in his arms and stared up in soft onyx eyes. Severus' gaze wandered slowly over my face until we finally locked eyes. My heart flattered in my chest when his intense stare pierced me with mixed emotions.

We looked at each other for a long time, deeply lost in our relief to be with each other again for an entire year. Forgetting the events of last year. Forgetting my fate. Forgetting Severus' role in this war. Forgetting about Draco. Concentrating on nothing else than the feeling of Severus' arms wrapped around my body, the way our bodies fitted perfectly together, these dark almost unreadable eyes only inches away from mine, the warmth of his breath gently caressing my skin.

"Are you all right?" Severus spoke quietly, the low voice rumbling in his chest. I snapped out of my trance and gulped. How am I doing? I closed my eyes and took a deep breath. My heart had calmed down. My thoughts had slowed and settled.

I opened my eyes. "Yes. Yes, I am now."

Severus nodded curtly and relaxed noticeably. I didn't miss the flicker of pain in the depths of his eyes though. I had lived through the very same pain the entire summer and at Grimmauld Place. It was still darkening my heart and mind although, I tried to ignore the looming shadow of death. Severus lowered his face and rested his forehead against mine. I sighed and closed my eyes.

"Severus?" I whispered softly. He hummed and goose bumps erupted on my arms. "I'm glad I'm back at Hogwarts."

"So am I, love." I pulled back and chuckled. A light blush crept onto my cheeks. Severus' eyes flashed satisfied at my reaction and a soft smile played around his lips. "I heard you had quite an intense disagreement with the Ministry puppet today."

I frowned. "How do you know about that?"

"Teachers talk." Severus rolled his eyes, then smirked triumphantly. "They enjoy an entertaining gossip once in a while. Most of these dunderheads would sink into the earth out of sheer embarrassment if they were aware of their teachers' activities behind closed doors."

"And I always thought you were better than that." I shook my head and averted my gaze when a smile threatened to break my reproachful expression.

Severus released me and strutted back to his desk. His robes rustled when he sat down smoothly. Then he shrugged and his face turned blank. "Teaching is terribly dull and frustrating. Creating competitions between staff members ensures at least one reason to enjoy my post."

My head snapped up, my eyes wide with horror. "You place bets on students?"

Severus chuckled at my expression, remaining unimpressed with my darkening scowl. "Not necessarily."

"Tell me this wasn't your doing. I know Slytherins love gambling but this… this is out-of-line. As teachers you're supposed to support your students and not use them for your own amusement, Severus!"

"There is nothing wrong betting on Quidditch games, cups or house points." Severus sneered. "Occasionally a staff member."

"And Professor McGonagall dares calling me irritating…" I muttered gloomy. Severus raised a questioning eyebrow. Annoyed, I stepped closer and leaned against the table. I crossed my arms and stared out of the window behind him. "Have you spoken to Umbridge yet?"

Severus tilted his head at my change of subject but chose not to comment. "Whatever for? This woman has nothing important to say therefore, I prefer not involving myself apart from occasional necessities."

I sighed and smiled half-heartedly. "Well, I did."

Severus snorted and scowled at me. "So I heard. I thought you smarter than that."

It was my turn to roll my eyes. "I crossed a line, I know but I don't like being called a liar."

"Did you or Potter snap first?"

"I don't see the relevance." I smirked. "She was quite irritated though. It's not everyday somebody calls the Minister a coward and a fool."

Severus growled something inaudible and shook his head. Then he pierced me with a scrutinizing gaze. "Ah, so it was Potter… And I always thought you were better than that." His lips twitched into a wide smirk. I scoffed but laughed inwardly. If he wanted to play games…

"Well, I'm not a simple person." I cast him a triumphant expression. "You said it yourself. Oh, and you swore to it with a very unconventional choice of words."

Severus clenched his jaw and averted his gaze. I chuckled when I saw his embarrassed glare. His usually pale cheeks had turned a very light, yet noticeable shade of pink. Severus had never meant for me to hear his words when we had waited outside of Dumbledore's office at the end of last year. I bit my bottom lip but couldn't suppress the smile. A long pleasant silence followed. I found myself lost in my own thoughts, wondering about my impending detentions.

"Concerning your magic training, I found an adequate place." Severus stood up and crossed the office towards one of his cabinets. I pushed myself off the desk.

"So soon? I was convinced you would try harder to keep me from rule breaking." I chuckled and stared at his back. I heard his snort before he turned around with a role of parchment in his hands.

"Don't be ridiculous." He snapped and returned to his desk. Severus came to a halt next to me and stared me down with an almost intimidating expression. I sighed and looked questioning at the parchment in his hands. He held it out for me but when I intended to take it, he swiftly jerked it out of my reach. I bit down a snappy comment.

"This parchment will be destroyed as soon as you have memorized its content. You will never speak about it to anyone nor mention my assistance." Severus raised an insistent eyebrow.

I rolled my eyes at his overexaggerated stern expression. "I give you my word, Severus." This time he didn't pull back when I attempted to take the parchment. He had made me more than curious. Whatever was written on this role had to be valuable or else he wouldn't have warned me so impressively.

Under his watchful eyes, I unrolled the parchment on the table. I frowned when I scanned it. It was a simple drawing with connected lines, squares and circles. Confused, I looked up at Severus, wondering if this was supposed to be a joke – then again, he wasn't someone for pranks. Black eyes flashed with amusement, his features expressing smugness. He wouldn't help me unless I asked for it.

Arrogant irritating Slytherin!

I growled quietly and turned my attention back to the strange drawing. I narrowed my eyes and took a closer look at the different shapes. They seemed awfully familiar yet I couldn't say why. Come on. Think! Severus wouldn't give me this if he thought I'm not capable to figure it out. And then it dawned me where I had seen a similar drawing – far more detailed and obvious though.

I straightened with a smug expression and chuckled. "Now I understand your secrecy. Any Slytherin would want your head for this map."

"Understandable, after all the Dungeons are their refuge from the other houses." He turned his attention to the map and pointed at one square. "This is my classroom. The room I chose is located here. As you can see it's almost at the end of the Dungeons, as far away from the Slytherin common room as possible. It is twice the size of my classroom which should be sufficient space for magical experiments on a medium scale."

I nodded absentminded and traced the way from his classroom to the deserted room with my eyes. Severus hadn't drawn the entire Dungeons. That would have needed much more than one parchment. The corridors to find the way to his chosen room were accurate enough. Junctions were marked but only the needed corridor was drawn entirely. Doors to other rooms were marked with small circles.

I couldn't help admiring Severus for his work. Sure, he had told me he would look for a room, but I hadn't expected it to be so soon. And the accuracy of the Dungeons' floor plan was proving Severus' ingeniousness. Undoubtedly, he had drawn the map from his memory. I knew the Marauder's Map was only covering about one third of the Dungeons. But I had never seen the corridors and rooms from Severus' map on Harry's before.

I glanced at the man standing next to me and a warm feeling settled in my body. My lips curved into an absentminded smile. Severus' sharp eyes were flickering over the map. His hair was hiding half of his face. The shadows softened his thoughtful expression. He was beautiful. I knew not many people would agree but they couldn't see what I saw. They didn't have the elvish eyesight. They didn't know Severus. They couldn't cope with the complexity hidden in these black eyes and his impenetrable mind. They merely cared about superficialities.

"I prepared the room as much as possible with various protection spells. Although I doubt the castle needs it, I strengthened the entire room in case you loose control. However, I would prefer if you do not blow up the Dungeons. Silencing spells, an anti-tracking shield, several locking charms." Severus looked up when I didn't react and noticed my stare. He straightened his back and frowned. In a heartbeat, I snapped out of my daydreaming. I shook my head and turned my attention to the piece of parchment. I felt his burning stare on the side of my face. My lips curled into a soft smile.

My thoughts were forgotten when I realised something else on the map. I chuckled quietly and shook my head at my own thoughts. Then I turned and looked at Severus' carefully guarded expression. "The choice of this room in particular doesn't have to do anything with the location of your private quarters, does it?"

"A necessary precaution." Severus smirked smugly.

"Of course. Very thoughtful. Because an empty classroom closer to the Hospital Wing wouldn't have done it." I muttered to myself and turned back towards the map. Severus chuckled and folded his arms.

"Well, the Matron certainly won't be capable to treat you. I am the only one who detects your magic and loose of control. Furthermore, there is nobody else who knows about your training."

I ignored his statement and focused on the parchment on the desk. I stared at the map, memorising every corridor, every turn and every door I would pass on my way. The straightest way was indeed passing Severus' private quarters but it was too risky. Slytherins or staff members came this way occasionally. So I needed to take a detour and pass the corridor that leaded to the Potions classroom.

"All right, I'm done." I straightened up and turned to Severus. Obviously, he had been staring at me because he quickly averted his gaze. He nodded curtly and snatched the parchment from the table. A few long strides and the map was thrown into the crackling flames.

Instead of returning, he remained still and stared at the fire. Quietly, I walked over to him and stood next to him. His face was impassive but his dark eyes flickered vividly with the flames' reflection. For a while we simply stared into the fire. A pleasant silence flooded the room.

"Thank you, Severus. For supporting me with my training and everything else. I never told you how much I truly appreciate and need you…" My voice was quiet yet loud enough for him to hear. For the first time since my father's return I felt truly at ease. "Yet I feel as if I must apologize for all the pain I cause you. I know, if I didn't follow my friends into every danger, if I simply started being myself – my real fairy self, I wouldn't get hurt that much and cause you so much distress… I cannot explain myself to my friends. They don't accept what they cannot understand, most people don't. You do. And Draco, Blaise and Derek."

"Obviously, I don't. If I did, I would have listened to your warning concerning the imposter." Severus muttered quietly. I sighed and turned to him.

"You did listen or else you wouldn't have proposed the compromise. Yes, it took you some time but you listened nonetheless."

Severus clenched his jaw tightly. A cold shiver ran down my spine when an icy expression masked his features. When he spoke his voice was low and hard. "The dark aura around Crouch Junior, can you sense it around me?"

"No!" I stepped in front of Severus but he refused to look at me. I reached for his left forearm but he yanked it away from my touch. Dark eyes filled with self-loathing were piercing me brutally. "His aura was dark because he believed in the Dark Arts. He was proud of his Dark Mark. He has killed and tortured uncountable times out of sheer amusement. It's not the mark that defines a person's aura – it's their heart. And you have a good heart, Severus. That will never change. Whatever my father or Dumbledore force you to do, you will never be a bad person."

Severus snorted half-heartedly and averted his gaze. Annoyed, I pushed up my left sleeve and lifted the marked forearm into the light. A shiver of revulsion rushed down my spine but I pointedly stared at Severus. "There. I have a Dark Mark. Does that make me a bad person?"

Very reluctantly, he lowered his gaze until he was fixing my mark. Various emotions flickered rapidly over his face; hatred, revulsion, sorrow, guilt, fear. He was lost in a turmoil of emotions. Then Severus looked up and stared straight into my soul. My heart hammered in my chest when I saw his unguarded features. His overwhelming desperation and longing covered my entire body with goose bumps.

Severus turned to face me properly. He grabbed me by the waist, pulling me up close against his chest. His hand gently glided through my hair, as he looked at me in a way he had never looked at me before. Severus cupped my cheek and lowered his face until our noses were almost touching. I felt his warm breath tingle my skin.

"I love you, Arya Jackson."

Before I could respond he had crashed his lips on mine. One hand on my lower back steadied my body. The one in my hair prevented me from pulling back – not that I wanted to. I relaxed into the kiss and allowed Severus to take the lead. His tongue traced the seam of my lips and I parted them slightly to intensify the kiss. My hands wandered towards his neck and into his hair.

Something was different though. The small spark of insecurity in my heart never flared up. I didn't want to waste my time with useless emotions anymore. I wanted to keep Severus with me. I needed him by my side. I wanted to stay in his arms – until my death.

I moaned and clutched a fistful of his hair when his lips travelled over my jaw and down to my neck. I was too wrapped up in the passionate sensation to notice that Severus was slowly pushing me backwards. His lips never stopped their teasing and sucking. I gasped when he lifted me up, but relaxed when I found myself sitting safely on the table. Severus pressed himself between my legs and pulled me as close as possible. He was gripping me for dear life, his hold almost painful but I didn't care.

I moaned when he licked and sucked my sweet spot deliberately slow. I was sure he felt my heart beating against his chest. My insides were burning. My hand wandered from his hair down to his neck. My fingers caressed the soft warm skin under his collar. Oh, I wanted to touch his skin again. I buried my face in the crook of his neck and whimpered quietly. Severus growled in return and attacked my skin with his teeth. The hand on my lower back gripped my robes firmly and the hand in my hair pressed me even closer.

I wanted to feel Severus' skin and by the way his hands clenched I knew he wanted the same. Yet we both knew it wouldn't happen even if we had been at a safer place. Physical passion was not an elvish trait. There was too much desperation, too much passion, too much fear. There was too much pain.

We were both out of breath when Severus pulled back. He cupped my face in his hands, his forehead leaning against mine. I closed my eyes and wrapped my arms around his neck.

"I love you too, Severus Snape." I mumbled tenderly.

Severus placed a long kiss on my forehead. I sighed and lowered my arms. When he intended to step back however, I wrapped my hands loosely around his torso and buried my face in the crook of his neck. Severus chuckled lowly in his chest and encircled me with strong arms. He rested his head against mine and exhaled deeply.

"There is something I need to tell you." Reluctantly, I broke the silence and lifted my head. Severus took in my torn expression with unreadable eyes. Silently, he stepped back and I jumped off the table. Anxiously, I turned towards the fireplace and stared thoughtfully into the fire. I took a deep breath and faced Severus again. His expression was one of cold indifference, black eyes flashing with concern.

"Something happened at Grimmauld Place." Instantly, Severus features hardened as he clenched his jaw tightly. His eyes were burning with barely concealed anger. My heart dropped and I gulped. "Remus found me in my room when I was rather… frustrated. So we had a talk and I told him about my fight with Draco. Even though he couldn't truly understand my affection for him, he helped me see reason. I made him swear not to breathe a word to anyone about Draco and – well, I wasn't thinking and created a magical vow without his knowledge."

Severus tensed and a thoughtful expression masked his features. I opened my mouth to say something, but nothing came to my mind. A strong unease was settling in the pit of my stomach. Severus frowned and observed me with a scrutinizing gaze.

"This vow, how does it work?"

"Remus is bound with ancient magic until I release him, his or my death. He won't be capable to breathe a word about our connection or Draco. The moment he tries, the knowledge will slip his mind for as long as necessary. Not even Legilimency can reveal the truth."

Severus folded his arms and traced his lips thoughtfully. I watched him, cautiously observing his expression. "Have you ever performed a vow before?"

I shook my head. Sighing, I raised my hands. "I shouldn't have done it. I mean, I should have told him or released him right then. I had no right to bind him."

Severus' lips curled with disgust. His voice was laced with loathing. "If you truly wished, you could release him. Although, I must admit, I suggest you do not and keep him in the dark instead. It might not be as remarkable as Black's, but he possesses an equally infuriating trait of impulsiveness. Gryffindor's are all the same – provoke them long enough and they spill their secrets to defend their honour."

I thought about his suggestion. I knew, Severus wouldn't miss a chance to annoy Remus or Sirius, but he would never use me for his purposes. I cast him a dark look. "You know, just because you are right doesn't mean you are allowed to insult me."

Severus rolled his eyes and approached me. "You are no Gryffindor at heart."

I scoffed. "No, I suppose I'm not."

His expression darkened all the sudden, the increasing annoyance obvious. "He helped you see reason."

My amusement vanished, replaced with frustration and a tiny spark of guilt. Absentminded, I stroke my forearm and stared at the many jars on the shelves. "He compared my curse to his… I want to tell Draco. I just don't know how I'm supposed to do that."

Surprise flickered over his face before he regained control over his expression. "Good."

I groaned and shot him a disapproving glance. "You are as reassuring as moaning Myrtle."

"Don't compare me to that nerve-wracking ghost!" I chuckled when he glared in my direction.

"Well, you certainly share the fascinating self-depreciating trait of brooding." Severus' expression turned hard, cold eyes glaring dangerously. Another word and he would snap although, I couldn't be sure why he was so annoyed in the first place. I watched him closely. He clenched his jaw and averted his gaze. Barely concealed anger and pain were radiating from his body. Then it dawned me.

Severus would hide it more often than not, but he had always been a possessive and protective man. I, on the other hand, had never truly understood jealousy. Elves valued every living creature and would never claim a person, nor risk peace for a material object.

"I know you hate him, but Remus helped me, Severus." Annoyed, I turned away from his glare. I approached the fireplace and stared hard into the dancing flames. "You have no right nor any reason to be jealous. Others are allowed to help me. I don't need your permission to ask someone for assistance."

The following silence was tense, neither of us moving. Inwardly, I was torn. I knew, I couldn't expect Severus or anyone else to think and act like an Elf. I was capable to sense emotions in others, they couldn't. I valued honesty, but not even my friends were always telling the truth. I respected my counterpart even if I didn't agree with their demeanour – unless I snapped, but to my relief I had stopped myself from seriously insulting Umbridge. But on the other hand, I hated if others disrespected me. Although, I had seen disrespect since the day I was born, I was desperately trying to remain loyal to myself and who I was. It was difficult though.

"I know." Severus muttered quietly from behind me. I turned around and exhaled deeply when I noticed his cold expression.

"I told you once before that it is up to you how you deal with your emotions. After what happened last year, you have my word that I will never give you any reason to doubt me again. But I won't be dictated who to spend my time with."

Severus remained quiet but his softened expression was enough. I bit the inside of my cheek and scowled absentminded. "I just need to think about telling people who I really am to feel exhausted. Do you think I could ever act and speak the way I think if they knew the truth?"

"Of course you could." Severus sneered and I rolled my eyes. "Although, I do not advise you to express every thought. Some matters will easily be mistaken as arrogance on your part. Not to mention, their lack of understanding concerning your abilities and parentage."

I nodded wearily. My eyes protested painfully when I pinched the bridge of my nose. This was exhausting. Most certainly, I would never have the chance to be my true self anyway. If I wanted to protect people, I needed them to trust me. Severus was right. If they knew about my father, they would turn their backs on me. Why did humans had to make everything so difficult and be so terribly complicated?

A warm hand on my cheek ripped me out of my gloomy thoughts. I looked up and saw a soft smile on Severus' lips. Sighing, I closed the gap between us and rested my head against his chest. Severus wrapped his arms around me.

"Despite our regular minor frictions, I must insist you don't get the foolish idea to hide yourself from me. After all, I didn't take you to the nearby playground to learn how you are expected to act – or punish you although, it has always been beyond my imagination why you thought that in the first place."

I grumbled in embarrassment and raised my head. Severus chuckled as soon as he noticed my sheepish expression. I bit the inside of my cheek when he stared at me. "I needed you to learn that, unlike Elves, humans differ far more from one another. They might have bad or good intentions nevertheless, they all make mistakes, are dishonest and cause harm."

I shook my head in disbelief and chuckled. Severus raised an eyebrow. "I always knew you were different."

Severus sneered down at me. "Which obviously turned out to my advantage."

A deep blush crept on my cheeks. I groaned and fixed the buttons of his frock coat. "Hm, so I'm an advantage now?"

My heart sped up when he lowered his mouth to my ear. The low grumble of his voice made me shiver in his arms. "Would you prefer if I called you a detriment?"

I felt his smirk against my jaw. His lips were brushing my skin teasingly light. Goose bumps erupted on my arms. I squeezed my eyes shut, my hands gripping his frock coat for dear life. I didn't trust my legs to hold me steadily anymore.

"I would prefer if you stopped teasing me, Slytherin." I breathed out somehow. A shaky breath escaped my lips and I chose to give in. I dropped my head against his shoulder and tightened my hold around his torso.

Severus' growl vibrated against my chest. His lips hovered over my jaw. His warm breath rolled down my neck, the proximity driving me insane. Some coherent thoughts were wondering how he had managed to tear down every single one of my defences, leaving me yearning for his embrace and the feel of his bare skin. Elves weren't usually so open to touches, not even fairy-loves. I hated being touched by just anyone – never would I think of shaking somebody's hand, not to mention to hug a person I didn't trust. But Severus… Severus was different. Even after all these years, I couldn't understand why he was so different from any other human being – his mind, his behaviour, even his movements were so different from any human I had ever met…

I snapped out of my thoughts when Severus pulled back, only to tenderly place his lips on mine. I sighed and relaxed. The strong burning in my body decreased to my relief. Left was only a tingling feeling in my stomach, light enough to ignore. My heart however, was hammering against my ribcage. Severs moved his lips slow and gentle, provoking a different heat to flare in my heart. No words would ever suffice to express my love for Severus.

Suddenly, he raised his hand to my cheek in a motion so delicate and gentle, it made me feel as if I was the most precious thing on earth. His rough fingertips just barely brushed the skin on my flushed cheeks. Severus' lips were parted. Obsidian eyes gazed at me intensely, provoking my heart to skip a beat. He looked at me like I was the only thing in the world that mattered at that very moment. I smiled loving and his hand cupped my cheek, nothing more but a whisper of a touch as if this fragile moment could shatter beyond repair.

Slowly, I raised my hand to his face. Severus remained still when I brushed his warm skin with my fingertips. Softly, I traced his features; from his temple downwards over his cheekbone to his flushed cheek. I followed my fingers with my eyes when I realized that Severus wouldn't pull back. He wouldn't retreat from my touch as he had done so many years ago. His unwavering burning gaze remained fixed on my eyes when my fingers followed his jawline. I drank in his features as if this was the last time I would see him.

I stood on my tiptoes and placed a chaste kiss on his lips. The intense yet fragile moment was broken. What remained was a pleasant quiet understanding. Accepting and enjoying each other's touch was a greater sign of shared trust than any word. Two people, usually distancing and hiding themselves from other's, were revealing their deepest thoughts and feelings to one another.

Severus placed a long kiss on my forehead. I feared the moment he would pull back, since it would end our time together. I sighed when the softness of his lips left my skin and my cheek turned cold without the touch of his hand. Reluctantly, I lowered my hand and looked up into carefully guarded eyes. It was time for me to leave.

"Good night, Severus."

In the blink of an eye, Severus straightened and the usual expression of cold indifference masked his features. Although, the very familiar sneer was playing around his lips. "Try not to get caught. I refuse to cover for you."

I chuckled and shook my head. "Wouldn't want you to. If you haven't noticed as yet, I can take care of myself."

"Leave my office, Jackson."

"If you ask so nicely, Slytherin…" I smiled happily when the office door banged shut behind me.

I had been stupid to push him away – utterly and embarrassingly foolish, but I had him by my side again. Severus would not leave my side again and I would do everything in my power to keep him with me. Tomorrow, I would think about how to get my brother back – I needed him.

I returned to Gryffindor tower with a new skip in my steps. The wide smile was plastered on my face until I closed my eyes. Everything would be all right. Severus, Draco and I would be all right.