71. Hogwarts' High Inquisitor
"Hermione, could I talk to you?" Hesitantly, I approached my friend's bed. Hermione was stuffing her bag with books and parchments. Her hand paused for a second before she closed it and turned to me with a questioning expression. She folded her arms across her chest, but her eyes were not nearly as cool as her posture.
"Look, Arya. I get it. I shouldn't have read your letters. I understand. But that didn't give you the right to lash out on us. We've always been by your side and we've always trusted you. I mean, where's all this suddenly coming from what you said yesterday?"
I sighed defeated. In this moment I wished I could tell her everything. I wanted her to understand what was truly happening. Why I had become so snappy and irritable. Why I had been lying. Why I thought I had to protect them.
Sleep had not wanted to come yesterday. Draco's words had shook me to the core. At first, I had been angry with him. In the darkness of the night, I had argued with myself. He did not know what I was going through. How much it pained me to see the Dark Mark on my forearm. Or how afraid I was. Then again, if it was true that my father was using Malfoy manor as headquarter, I could only pray to every keeper of Magic that Draco would never meet him. I could not imagine what it was like to house my father, the Darkest wizard of all times.
I hated when decisions were made for me without my knowledge or consent. Why did I ever think I could make decisions for others?
I hated lies, so why should I have the right to lie to others?
I cleared my throat to swallow the forming lump. Defeated, I stepped closer to her bed and sat down. My shoulders slumped down. I blinked away the itching in my eyes. "I am sorry, Hermione. I truly am! What I said… it was what I think. But I had no right to announce it to you the way I did. You were right, I am lying to you… almost all the time and I hate it. I trust you. I trust you with my life! If I didn't, I would never have followed you into danger. I hope you know this."
Scratching my forearm anxiously, I stared at my friend with great concern. My heart was pounding in my chest. Hermione bit the inside of her cheek. She stole a glance at my forearm before her gaze wandered thoughtfully through the room. When she finally looked at me, her expression had softened.
"Why, Arya? I'm trying to understand, but why would you lie to us? We're your friends. You can talk to us about anything. Why are you always distancing yourself whenever it concerns something more personal? You said a few times now that you're different from us but refuse to tell us in which ways. And then you blame us if we draw wrong conclusions with the little information we have."
I lowered my gaze to my hands, forcing my fingers to still. My heart was hammering in my chest. A sad laugh escaped my lips. A deeply rooted sorrow came painfully to the forefront of my mind. "I suppose you are right… You know, when I was a little child, I could never quite believe when I was told that all the other children are not like me. With my mind as a child, I was convinced that were merely stories to intimidate me. Although I heard the truth in the words, I thought these children were only a minority group… I believed in the good in others…"
"And now you don't anymore?" Hermione asked confused.
I frowned. "What do you mean?"
"Malfoy? And Zabini? By the way, you're defending Professor Snape's ruthless and unfair behaviour more often than not."
"I never said they were in the right. I merely make an effort so that you get the smallest of understanding for human psychology. You cannot judge anyone without knowing their side of the story. Without knowing the reasons for their actions… I remember when you said you would like to try for inter-house unity. Quite a difficult task if you ask me. Every house holds prejudices against the others. Ravenclaws are book-obsessed theorists. Hufflepuffs are weak-willed without considerable magical power. Slytherins are Dark Magic-loving pureblood fanatics and Gryffindors are impulsive and attention-seeking troublemakers. If you wish inter-house unity, you and everyone else must at least respect your counterpart and have an open mind."
"An understanding of human psychology? What are you? A muggle psychologist?" Hermione huffed and shook her head. "It's easy to say all this and act as if everyone else is at fault."
I groaned quietly. This was not going the way I had expected. "It is my way of thinking, Hermione. I am trying to explain why I distance myself and not instructing you."
Hermione sighed annoyed but motioned for me to continue. She let herself fall on her bed next to me. I gulped and averted my gaze to the nearest window.
"As a child I believed in the good in others until reality taught me the truth… Children hit each other, screamed at each other and teased each other. Children tormented innocent animals until they died, parents lied to their children, adults lied to each other. I saw and felt the lack of respect… So many times I begged to return home, because I could not stand all this pain around me."
I laughed bitterly. "I was taught the psychological principles of human behaviour, although I struggled to accept them, because I didn't understand that I had been taught by someone who was the ultimate exception."
I turned to Hermione and cast her a sad smile. "The truth is, I am a coward. Lies are so much easier and comfortable to live my life. I don't even try anymore to make people understand my way of thinking, because there are only very few who understand. It is wrong, I know. I hate these hiding games more than you could imagine, Hermione. But you have to understand that every personal information about myself only leads to more questions I cannot answer. And if I learned something over the years, then that humans have difficulties to accept what they cannot understand. So I keep pushing everyone away to avoid being the reason for mistrust."
My friend hesitated, nervously playing with her fingers. Discomfort was obvious in her expression. I furrowed my eyebrows, ignoring the unsettling feeling in the pit of my stomach.
"What?"
"Well…" She glanced at my left forearm. I took a sharp breath and a cold shiver ran down my spine. "Is that why you… because you thought no one could help you?"
"No…" I gulped several times and clenched my jaw. "I did what I did, because I know that no one can help me."
Hermione opened and closed her mouth. A very cautious expression warmed her eyes. "But Professor Snape helped you, didn't he? You seemed pretty upset when you arrived at Grimmauld place…"
"Yes, he did." My lips twitched into a small smile. The thought of Severus' support warmed my heart. "He healed me." In so many ways. And taught me so many things. He opened my heart to experience the most beautiful love.
"Can I – Can I see it?" Hermione asked quietly. The warmth quickly left my body, my smile faltering.
"I remember you saying that fear of a name only increases fear of the thing itself." I spoke coldly – not because of Hermione though. With a shaking hand, I slowly rolled up the sleeve of my left forearm. I glared daggers at my movements. "It, as you call this, is a Dark Mark. Nothing I do or say will ever change that so I prefer if you simply called it as what it really is. A disgusting, reeking, filthy Dark Mark."
I stared at the blank ink. It stood out grotesquely against my skin. A shaking breath escaped my lips and I lifted my gaze. Uneasiness, repulsion and fear flashed though Hermione's eyes as she stared at my branded skin. A wave of disgust and shame overwhelmed me, so when she reached out to touch my arm, I pulled it back. Gulping, my gaze rested on the mark.
"I'm sorry." She whispered.
I forced my sleeve down to cover my forearm. "Me too."
I stood up and turned towards my friend with a weary expression. Hermione cast me an insecure smile. "Listen, Hermione. I am sorry for lying and pushing you away. I had no right nor did I mean to do so."
"Yes, well… I suppose, I'm still trying to understand this entire situation." Hermione sighed and stood up.
"You are not alone." I muttered quietly.
"Can I ask you something else?" She grabbed her bag and turned to me with a cautious expression. It was my turn to sigh then I nodded. "This person who taught you about humans, is it the same you were living with before you were brought to the Malfoy's?"
For a short moment, I was at a loss for words. Hermione was too smart for her own good sometimes. With an uncomfortable feeling in my stomach I nodded again. She furrowed her eyebrows and watched me with a thoughtful expression. I chuckled to myself before turning my attention to my own prepared bag.
"Don't even bother to ask who it was, because I honestly cannot tell you." I smiled when I noticed her pouting expression. She was too easy to read. "Not if you want to keep your memories."
"Fine. But will you tell us one day?"
My jaw clenched and a cold shiver ran down my spine. With more force than necessary, I swung my bag over my shoulder. Hermione followed me to the door.
"I will if I survive this war."
"Don't be ridiculous. Of course you will. " Hermione snapped behind me. I scoffed but refused to say anything else. An overwhelming coldness had wrapped itself around my heart.
If you only you knew, Hermione…
I felt relieved when she finally changed the topic, obviously noticing my reluctance and discomfort. We joined Harry and Ron in the common room. My apology was not as detailed and long as the previous one, but they accepted it, nonetheless. Harry was still absentminded and brooding most of the time anyway. I sensed that something was not right at all. My father's return had shaken him as much as me.
Ron had received a letter from his elder brother Percy the night before. The redhead had been truly annoyed by his brother supporting the Ministry. He had giving him the advice to distance himself from Harry and me. But Ron had simply cursed his brother and torn the letter into pieces before throwing it into the fire. Percy Weasley had also advised him to read the Daily Prophet this morning 'to get a good idea of the way the wind was blowing'.
We had expected to have to comb Hermione's Daily Prophet carefully to find the article Percy had mentioned in his letter. However, the departing delivery owl had barely left when Hermione let out a huge gasp and flattened the newspaper to reveal a large photograph of Dolores Umbridge.
Ministry seeks educational reform – Dolores Umbridge appointed first ever High Inquisitor
"Umbridge – High Inquisitor?" Harry asked darkly, his half-eaten piece of toast slipping from his fingers. "What does that mean?"
I glared at the smiling photograph of our Defence against the Dark Arts teacher. There was no word to describe the overwhelming feeling that made my blood boil and want to lash out at everyone who dared to support the Ministry. I did not even notice when my shaking hand knocked over my cup, spilling pumpkin juice everywhere.
Apparently, Umbridge was appointed High Inquisitor since the Ministry of Magic believed that Albus Dumbledore was slipping in keeping order and preventing lies being spread about Lord Voldemort returning. I rather suspected the position only came to be due to Minister Fudge being paranoid of Dumbledore attempting to take over the Ministry and assigned Umbridge to keep an eye on the situation.
Whilst Hermione read the article aloud, my gaze wandered to the staff table. Whether it was my imagination I could not say, but I noticed a satisfactory smile at the corner of Umbridge's lips. Professor McGonagall looked incredibly annoyed by the other staff member and Severus seemed as stoic and untouched as always. Although, I knew that he was probably more annoyed than every other teacher.
"So now we know how we ended up with Umbridge! Fudge passed this 'Educational Degree' and forced her on us. And now he's given her the power to inspect the other teachers." Hermione was breathing fast, her eyes flashing with anger. " I can' believe this. It's outrageous!"
"I know it is." Harry said and stared at the back of his hand.
My gaze wandered to my own hand. The faint white outline of the words Umbridge had forced me to cut into my skin was left. I clenched my hand to a tight fist, watching with burning hate how the scars contorted with the moving skin. Today we had another Defence against the Dark Arts lesson with Umbridge. The tiny spark of fear began to nag at my heart. I still remembered the effect of the Black Quill very vividly. Even though, I did not want to end up in another detention, I knew I would not be capable to listen to her brainwashing for too long.
"Arya, you coming?" Hermione asked gently, ripping me out of my thoughts. Blinking, I tore my gaze away from my hand and nodded towards my friend. With my dark thoughts still in the back of my mind, I followed her. My dread grew with each step. I desperately hoped, Umbridge would not inspect any of our lessons today. It was more than enough already that I would see her in the afternoon class.
Despite my growing tension, I could not prevent myself from stealing a glance at the Slytherin table. My heart clenched painfully when I spotted my brother's unmistakable white hair. He was sitting with his back to me. Blaise was laughing at something he had said. I gritted my teeth and needed all my willpower to tear my gaze from them and follow my friends out of the Great Hall.
Umbridge was not inspecting our History of Magic lesson which did not help my anxiety, however. Nor was she in the Potion's classroom when we arrived for double Potions. I kept my head low to avoid spotting Draco or Blaise anywhere. My body was trembling with all the suppressed nervousness and dread. I wanted nothing more than to leave to get as far away from everything and everyone. I did not want to hear the whispering wherever I went. I wanted to forget about my father.
I flinched when a role of parchment landed in front of me. The usually calming scent of Severus filled my nostrils when he passed our table, forcing me back into reality. I gulped and unrolled my marked essay. My mind was empty, I could not process the writing. A large, spiky black 'O' was scrawled in an upper corner. No joy, no excitement warmed my heart this time. Instead, I laid the parchment back on the desk and played anxiously with my fingers.
"I have awarded you the grades you would have received if you presented this work in your O.W.L." Severus spoke as he swept among us, passing back our homework. "This should give you a realistic idea of what to expect in the examination."
He reached the front of the classroom and turned in our direction. I lowered my gaze to my hands, refusing to draw any attention on myself. My mind was far away from the Potions classroom.
"The general standard of this homework was abysmal. Most of you would have failed had this been your examination. I expect to see a great deal more effort for this week's essay or I shall have to start handing out detentions to those dunces who get a 'D'."
I noticed Hermione looking sideways to see what grade I had received. As soon as she spotted the teacher's ink on my parchment, she pulled it in her direction with a thoughtful frown. I merely stared when my essay moved away from myself.
I had great difficulties concentrating on today's potions; the Strengthening Solution. I read and reread every line of instructions on the blackboard at least three times before acting on them. Finally, I delivered a flask, filled with the precise clear turquoise shade, to Severus' desk at the end of the lesson with a feeling of mingled defiance and relief. Although his gaze did not linger longer than a few seconds, I felt Severus' gaze like a heavy weight on my mind. I could only imagine how concerned and annoyed he was about recent events and the fact that I would face Umbridge after lunch.
"Do you mind if I have a look at your essay, Arya, to compare it with mine? I can't find my mistake or what essential information about moonstones I've left out." Hermione asked on our way to the Great Hall.
"No, help yourself." I shrugged and pulled the role of parchment out of my bag. Hermione beamed when I handed it to her, her eyes instantly scanning my lines.
"Well, that's definitely new. Do you need help from Arya now?" Ron grumbled, loading his plate with food. Hermione's head snapped up, casting him a dark scowl. I kept quiet, reluctantly taking some food. I was not very hungry. In fact, I felt as if my stomach would burst with the tiniest bite.
"I didn't expect the top grade, not if he's marking to O.W.L. standard. Obviously, I'd have been thrilled if I'd got an 'O'. But we've got plenty of time to improve and the grades we're getting now are a sort of baseline, aren't they? Something we can build on…"
"Alright, stop boasting. If you want to know our grades, you should just ask. I got a 'P'." Ron said.
"Well," I jumped when Fred appeared next to me and sat down with his brother and their best friend Lee Jordan following. "There's nothing wrong with a good healthy 'P'."
My lips twitched into a smile at his enthusiastic reply. Hermione, however, looked confused.
"But doesn't 'P' stand for-"
"Poor, yes. Still better than a 'D' though, isn't it?" Lee Jordan interrupted her. I raised my eyebrows when Harry suddenly stared coughing, his face growing red. Shame was radiating strongly from him. It was not hard to guess his grade. I cast him a soft smile.
"So top grade's 'O' for 'Outstanding'." Hermione continued. "Then there's 'A'-"
"No, 'E'." I said, pushing my plate aside. "'E' for 'Exceeds expectations and then it is 'A' for 'Acceptable'."
"Which is the last pass grade, isn't it?" Hermione asked. I suppressed the urge to roll my eyes. Only Hermione could oversee Harry's and Ron's discomfort when talking about grades.
"Yes. Then you have 'P' for 'Poor' and 'D' for 'Dreadful'." George answered her.
„And then ‚T'." Fred added with a wide grin.
"'T'?" asked Hermione, looking appalled. "What on earth does 'T' stand for?"
I rolled my eyes at her dramatic scene and rested my chin on my hand. Automatically, my gaze flickered towards the Slytherin table but my brother was nowhere to be seen. I let out a deep breath and let my gaze wander. Draco had to forgive me. I missed him, his embraces, his jokes, his laugh. I wanted to tell him the truth. I had to. I could not lose him!
Speaking of which, I knew Severus was probably waiting for an explanation for our scene in the Great Hall yesterday. Surely, he would also be pleased to know that I had made my decision and that Draco had chosen to make the first step.
Umbridge was humming and smiling to herself when we entered the room. Harry and Ron told Hermione and me about how Umbridge inspected their Divination class. Apparently, it had not gone very well for Professor Trelawney. Although, I did not particularly like her, I felt a spark of sympathy for the strange and insecure woman. From what I heard, Umbridge had given her a rough time. But we all knew it was only the beginning.
A heavy lump grew in my throat when Umbridge called the class to order and silence fell. I closed my eyes shortly and took a deep, calming breath. My heartbeat slowed, yet the goose bump remained. I was not scared, but I felt more than uneasy under her bulging eyes. The back of my hand itched irritatingly. My eyes flickered through the front rows and to my utter annoyance, I did not spot Draco or Blaise. I could really use my brother's recognizable blonde hair in my sight. Even if we were not on speaking terms, knowing that he was there would have helped me.
"Wands away, please. As we finished Chapter One last lesson, I would like you all to turn to page nineteen today and commence Chapter Two." Umbridge instructed us with a smile. Those people who had been hopeful enough to take their wands out, sadly returned them to their bags. Lazily, I pulled out my book and opened it at the requested page. The headline was enough to put one to sleep and promised another dull lesson. My gaze flickered to our Professor when she cleared her throat.
Umbridge folded her hands, still smiling her wide, self-satisfied smile. A cold shiver ran down my spine when her eyes landed on me. My entire body tensed when I froze on my chair. Umbridge moved to the desk closest to hers.
"Mr. Smith, I'm afraid you must change your seat for this class." Zacharias Smith furrowed his eyebrows in confusion. Instinctively, I gritted my teeth. My senses suddenly sharpened, ready to fight. Something was very wrong and it had all to do with Umbridge.
"Why? I didn't do anything." The Hufflepuff protested annoyed and glared at our teacher.
"You can thank Ms. Jackson." Umbridge looked to me, as did the rest of the class, with a sickening smile on her lips. Her sweet voice provoked an unsettling feeling in the pit of my stomach. I gulped and straightened in my seat. Umbridge did not break our gaze when she tapped the desk with a role of parchment.
"I would like you to sit here for the rest of this lesson."
I kept myself under control, although, I was already seething quietly. "Why?"
"I want to keep a close eye on you. After your uncontrolled outburst last week, I hope being separated from your friends might help you."
I stared at her with cold eyes. Umbridge did not seem impressed. Something was wrong and not only because my marked forearm began burning in this moment.
"Ms. Jackson, I ask you to pack your things and move to this desk so that Mr. Smith can take his seat next to Ms. Granger." Again, she tapped the wood with her parchment.
I did not want to listen to her. I knew, my entire being knew that she had an entirely different motive, yet I could not detect a lie in her words. The tiny spark of fear in my heart was treacherous, however. Umbridge would use any misbehaviour as an excuse for another detention. And I never wanted to feel the terrible effect of Dark Magic ever again. So I slowly packed my things and reluctantly walked to the front desk row.
Smith cast me a dark look and stuffed his material into his bag. Meanwhile, I stood tall, facing Umbridge, and stared at her with an annoyed expression. The corner of her lips twitched satisfied and I wanted nothing more than to wipe the smile off her face. She had won for now.
"I hate her." I said darkly and folded my arms across my chest to strengthen my point. My glare could have burned a hole into the cold stone floor.
"As you said twice already." Severus drawled as the quill in his hand continued correcting a student's essay with merciless fastidiousness. Some students would definitely end up crying as soon as they saw their grades. None of them truly understanding that Severus was an ambitious man with a brilliant mind who did not accept sloppiness.
"Yes well, I just do." I leaned back further into my seat and crossed my legs.
Severus sighed deeply and pushed the parchment aside to the other marked essays. Then he leaned back in his chair, rested his elbows on the armrest and raised one eyebrow.
"How about you skip this farce you chose to burden me with for the last twenty minutes and tell me instead what is bothering you?"
I huffed and glared at the small window on the other side of his office. "Fine, I lost the central theme. But I haven't been ranting to you for the last twenty minutes. Besides, you didn't give the impression as if you listened anyway."
"Hm, you are right. Your tirade began twenty-five minutes ago." Severus replied drily. My head whipped around in a heartbeat. His eyebrow merely rose higher when I cast him a dark look. "Well?"
"Well what?" I grumbled and unfolded my arms. Severus curled his lips in annoyance.
"Playing dumb doesn't suit you, nor does your childish ranting."
"Fine, I got it!" I sighed and felt the familiar weight of sorrow wash over me. Although, there was still a tiny spark of annoyance left. Therefore, I muttered the next words to myself. "Honestly, what's gotten your wand in a twist? If I'm annoying you, you could've told me right away."
Severus sighed and stood. With only a few steps, he had rounded his desk and towered over my chair. I bit my bottom lip as a wave of guilt crashed down on me. I was not the only person who had to deal with stress and problems.
"I'm sorry." I lowered my head.
"Stand up." Severus' velvet voice gave me goose bumps all over my body. Surprised, I looked up and stared into dark tired eyes. Then I followed his request. His expression was unreadable as he stared at me. I just wanted to close the small gap between us when Severus stepped back and motioned towards the door.
"There… is something you must know."
Speechless and with an uneasy feeling in the pit of my stomach, I stared at him. What I was searching in his eyes, I did not know, but I surely did not like the waves of defeat and sorrow that radiated from him. Then I followed his quiet request.
He led me out of his office and through parts of the Dungeons I had never seen. My gaze flickered to him every few seconds but his expression remained stoic and unreadable. My beating heart was the only noise in the deserted corridors. It was only when we had turned a few corners that I somewhat understood why I felt as if I knew our way. I had memorised this way to reach my training room without crossing any Slytherins.
My thoughts were interrupted when I felt the unmistakable burning of powerful magic. The corridor looked like any other. Its end losing itself in darkness. Severus came to a halt in front of an inconspicuous wooden door. The air around it was pulsating with invisible magic. Severus took out his wand and pointed it into the corridor. I did not understand what he muttered under his breath before he scanned the dimly lit corridor with great concentration. Obviously satisfied, Severus turned back to the door and extended his hand in my direction.
Obsidian eyes watched me. With furrowed eyebrows, my gaze flickered from the door to his hand and finally rested on his face. Still, there was not a trace of emotions in his cold eyes. It bothered me to feel Severus' growing anxiety.
Gently, I placed my hand in his and allowed him to lead me closer. Severus guided my hand towards the handle. Only mere inches away, his gaze flickered to me as if calculating my reaction. Then he placed my hand, with his guiding me, on the door handle.
I drew in a sharp breath as my senses were suddenly overwhelmed with the force of uncountable spells and charms. My entire body pulsated when a powerful wave of electricity seemed to rush through my veins. It did not hurt but it was more powerful than any magic I had ever conjured or felt before.
Severus watched me closely, his firm grip making sure that I could not pull my hand back. I had to blink several times to orientate myself when the magic suddenly vanished out of my body. My ears registered a faint click in the door. Instinctively, my hold on the door handle loosened and Severus pulled his hand back. My blood rushed loudly through my ears whilst my heart hammered strongly against my ribcage. Severus took hold of the handle and finally opened the door.
The room looked just like any other in the Dungeons. It was twice the size of Severus' classroom and had no windows. A small fireplace was the only source of warmth aside from the many torches lighting up the room. Two chairs and a small table stood next to the fireplace. A few more tables were pushed against the wall. Part of the stone floor was covered by an old carpet.
All my previous insecurities had vanished the moment I had felt the magical power in this room. This room was the unmistakable proof that Severus Snape was a powerful wizard one would not like to have as an enemy. The finesse in the way he had integrated the many spells was as dangerous as it was brilliant. He had combined all protective charms and spells in one net of magic instead of simply placing one over the other. No witch or wizard would ever be capable to undo this entangled magical net since no one knew in which order Severus had integrated the single spells and charms. Unwavering concentration and refinement, profound knowledge of magical theory, magical talent and many years of experience were necessary to produce such a powerful magical shield.
My eyes were wide when I slowly turned back to Severus. No one had ever astounded and amazed me more than Severus in this very moment. Surrounded by his magical art, I felt so much smaller and weaker. The man in question, however, could not have looked more diffident. His arms folded firmly across his chest, Severus watched me with an unreadable expression. His nervousness was clearly palpable. Shily, I stepped closer and cast him a warm smile. I chose my next words carefully.
"Thank you! This room… it's perfect. Much more than I ever hoped for."
Something flickered in the depths of his eyes before he turned his head away. I simply watched him, knowing very well how uneasy he felt with any kind of admiration. Severus had never been one to boast or care for other people's acceptance. He had been used too many times for his knowledge and talent, teaching him to mistrust any sort of kindness. Therefore, I was not surprised when he fought to keep his emotions hidden behind the mask of cold indifference. I sighed, however, when he turned around and walked away.
"I told you there is something you need to know."
Severus ignored my previous words and expression entirely as he came to a halt in front of an old chest. Curiously, I followed him and stood next to him. The chest looked old and new at the same time. Subtle ornaments were engraved in the wood. The hinges were shining white and formed to beautiful flowers. One special ornament on the chest's top caught my attention. It was a simple star-shaped flower.
A cold shiver ran down my spine. I could not avert my gaze from the chest when I stumbled back. My hands began trembling as I stared at the elvish symbol. For the very first time in my entire life I actually saw something that came from my mother's folk. My folk. And it scared me to no end…
"What is this?" I whispered anxiously, not breaking my gaze. "Severus, what is this?"
"It was your mother's. The only possession she brought into the human world. She wanted you to have it." Severus replied quietly.
My mother's possession. My mother had left something for me. She had left me something else aside from her ring and the vault at Gringotts. Blinking, I processed the piece of information and was suddenly overwhelmed by a sharp stinging pain.
"You knew all this time? All these years, I struggled with my true identity and you kept this from me?" Accusingly, I turned to Severus who watched me with a defeated expression, his shoulders slouched forward.
"I wanted to protect you, Arya! Your mother warned me about the content of this chest. Apparently, it contains powerful information about the entire extent of your heritage. She told me that, as soon as you obtain this knowledge, you will be involved in this war."
With trembling lips, I turned back towards the chest. So many emotions and thoughts were running through my heart and mind. Involved in this war? Had my mother known about the curse? The Dark Mark on my arm? Did my father knew this chest even existed? That my mother was still trying to fight him in her death by passing on her knowledge?
"You must understand that all I ever wanted was to keep you safe!" Severus pleaded quietly. "I can't… I cannot lose you."
His words stung terribly as the hard truth shattered my accusations. Drawing a deep breath, I crossed my trembling arms and bore my fingers deeply into my skin. Defeated, I lowered my head and blinked away my tears. I felt so lost and helpless.
"Arya…" Severus whispered and stepped in front of me. I raised my head and looked into broken darkness. Gently, Severus pushed back strains of hair, his fingers lingering on my cheek.
I closed the gap between us and buried my face in the crook of his neck. My hands clasped his robes tightly. Severus wrapped his arms around my smaller frame and rested his cheek against my forehead.
No words were needed as we found comfort in our warm embrace. We knew the pain the other was suffering. We both knew hope for a happy end was a luxury we could not afford. This war would be the only life we had together.
"I don't want to open it now." I whispered after a long silence.
Severus tightened his embrace and buried his face in my hair. "Whenever you feel ready, it will be waiting for you here." Severus pulled back a little and I looked up. He wiped the few tears away. "I don't know what is inside if you were wondering. And I don't expect you to tell me. This chest is your property now."
Warmth flooded my body and calmed my heart. Slowly, I nodded and cast him a soft smile. Severus placed a chaste kiss on my forehead. The soft smile still on my lips, I rested my head on his chest and closed my eyes.
This war would be the only life we had together, but I would not waste the short time.