Whoever had coined the phrase 'easier said than done' had hit the nail on the head. Forgetting someone you'd once loved and putting her behind you truly was easier said than done, especially if she was the one who'd given you life and brought you into the world. Grieving someone you didn't like was even harder; it didn't make sense to grieve someone whose death brought you a sense of relief or to grieve someone who'd only ever caused you pain. Grieving someone you'd cut out of your heart and out of your life seemed impossible... and yet, Jody Gray was expected to do just that.
"Jody, it's okay to be upset," May-Li stated gently, putting an arm around Jody who immediately shrugged it off. "Many people find themselves grieving someone they loved but didn't necessarily like. You're allowed to be upset just like anyone else."
"But I'm not upset, am I?" Jody responded, hanging her head in her hands.
It'd been three days since she'd been notified of her mother's death and questioned by the police but she still felt little to nothing about her supposed loss; the only thing she did feel was irritation when Mike and May-Li treated her like a fragile China doll that would break any minute and when Tyler kept asking her if she was alright as if she was on the verge of falling into his arms and bursting into tears. Even the other kids, save Ryan, were going easy on her—Ryan himself kept making snarky comments about there being one less criminal in the world which was pretty ironic given his disposition. She didn't stop him, however. How could she? Making him stop would be the same as standing up for Denise Jackson, something she would never do in a million years.
"Aren't you?" May-Li asked earnestly. "You have trouble sleeping, you barely touch your food, and you ask me to drive you to the gym every single day."
"No!" she snapped, lifting her head and moving to the other end of the sofa. "If I am upset, it's because I'm not upset!" she blurted out, finally admitting what she'd been holding in for days. "The truth is that I couldn't care less that she's dead! There, I've said it! Can I go now?!"
"Not so fast, Jody," May-Li started, forcing said girl to reluctantly stay seated. "Look, you clearly have a lot on your mind and it's affecting your health. You need to talk to someone about this, get it all off your chest."
"No, I don't," Jody protested, stubbornly crossing her arms. "Just take me to the gym."
May-Li followed suit. "I'll take you to the gym but you'll have to do something for me." Jody rolled her eyes but begrudgingly nodded, prepared to do anything to get that lift to the gym. She had the option of taking the bus but she wasn't exactly rich and didn't feel like borrowing from one of the others because of the way they'd all been acting around her recently. "Talk to someone about how you're feeling by the end of the day and I'll take you to the gym every day this week. Don't even think about lying, though. I'll be questioning the person you pick to make sure you actually spoke to them. If you choose not to, I might have to get a therapist for you."
Jody got a sour taste in her mouth, her hastily drafted plan to get Tyler to lie for her ruined within a heartbeat. He would undoubtedly put his foot in it if May-Li interrogated him and there was no way in hell that she was actually going to tell him how she felt. He wouldn't understand, and she honestly couldn't blame him; Sally had always wanted Tyler and had braved her illness to become a better mum, a far cry from Denise who called her own little girl an accident—to her face—and thought that locking her up in a room as discipline was normal. Sasha, her (arguably) next closest friend was mere days away from moving back in with her mother and brothers—the complete opposite of her—so she wouldn't do either. Just how was she going to get out of this one?
.:. QK .:.
"So..." Jody began, looking around the... interesting bedroom.
"So..." Charlie echoed, offering up an awkward smile to the younger girl. She looked like she had no idea what to say to Jody (which she probably didn't) because she, like everyone else, was determined to tread on eggshells around the bereaved girl.
"We don't talk much, do we?" Jody asked, feeling as awkward as Charlie looked. Why had she picked her again? She honestly couldn't remember talking to her other than the time they helped Floss out with her puberty issues and that time she tried to help with the T-shirts only to be told to get lost.
"No, we don't," Charlie answered before suddenly looking concerned. "But you can talk to me! I'm here for you," she assured, making big meaningful eyes at her.
Jody sighed. She needed to cut to the chase and get this all out of the way as soon as possible. "Look, May-Li told me that I have to talk to someone about how I... feel... before the day's up. I'm here because it was either you or Ryan."
"Why?" Charlie questioned, seemingly confused. "I mean you can talk to me"—Jody had to refrain from rolling her eyes at the older girl's excessive diligence—"but why not Tyler? Or Sasha?"
"Well, Sash is moving back in with her mum any day now and Sally has never not wanted Tyler. They just wouldn't get it," Jody explained, biting her lip as she thought about how much her mother had hated her. "Ryan hates his mum and I've heard that yours is in prison like mine was. Obviously, I wasn't going to go for Ryan."
"How do you know that my mother's in prison?!" Charlie exclaimed, sounding worried. "No one was supposed to know that!"
"Ryan let it slip," Jody said the first thing that came to mind. She couldn't admit that she'd accidentally found out after eavesdropping on Mike and May-Li because she thought they'd been talking about her. "He knows everything about everyone." Well, she wasn't lying about that. Ryan really did know everything about everyone, sometimes even before the person in question was aware. Jody's words seemed to spur Charlie on rather than appease her—she looked like she was about to storm downstairs any second now. "Anyway, I picked you because you understand what it's like to be let down by your mother."
That seemed to calm Charlie down. She nodded sadly, a sympathetic smile etching its way onto her face. "So, how do you feel about it all?"
Taking a deep breath, Jody decided to just come out with it all. Charlie seemed trustworthy, giving off the impression that whatever she said would remain within these four walls, and it was miles better than talking to either Ryan or a random therapist.
"I feel a little guilty, I suppose, because I'm not really upset that she's gone," she confessed, her eyes downcast. "Not like I should be, anyway. You know, I've been in care for six years now and I've spent most of that time hoping that she'd fix up so that we could finally be a proper family but after what happened with Grant—her ex—I realised that she was never going to be a decent mum, especially not to me. I was her accident, the child she never wanted, so why should I be upset that she's dead? And... I guess I kind of already thought of her as dead when I dropped her surname because I knew that she would never able to give me the family I always fantasised about."
"So you feel like you don't love her anymore because of what she's done?" Charlie inquired softly.
"I don't know," Jody replied, staring down at the carpet. "I'd be upset if I did, wouldn't I? I'd cry, or feel like I can't breathe, or something."
"Well, you are having trouble sleeping aren't you? I wouldn't say that that's nothing."
"No," Jody responded, shaking her head. "The reason I can't sleep is that, sometimes, I can't help but wonder if she died because I didn't get in touch with her like I said I would."
Charlie appeared to be confused again. "Wait, she didn't...?"
"The police said she probably fell down the stairs," Jody hastily cut in, not wanting to give Charlie the wrong idea, "but she was forty-something, not eighty! People her age don't just randomly fall down the stairs..." She felt something tug at her heartstrings and released a shaky breath. "What if it was my fault? Because I care about my friends and carers more than her? Like, karma or something?"
"You shouldn't think like that. You're, what, fourteen? You can't blame yourself. Even if you're right, your mum was an adult and was responsible for her own actions." Jody relaxed a little, feeling like she'd just popped a gross and burdensome pimple. Maybe she'd needed to hear that, that small reassurance that this wasn't down to her. "And you know what else?" Jody looked up at Charlie, wondering what else she had to say. "You wouldn't feel guilty if you didn't care about her at all. I think you just didn't want to let yourself feel anything because of what it might mean."
It was then that Jody realised that she had felt something a little earlier—that little pull to her heartstrings—and that maybe she wasn't so heartless and unfeeling after all. She was still angry at her mother and she still didn't want anything to do with the Jacksons but she wasn't the emotionally detached socio she'd feared she was becoming. She stood up, smiling at the older girl who'd patiently lent her an ear for the last few minutes.
"Thanks, Charlie."
Charlie smiled in return. "No problem. Happy to help!"
.:. QK .:.
Sasha, Ryan, Jody and Tyler all sat in the quiet room preparing for the upcoming Year Ten GCSE mocks. Jody chewed on the end of her pen, looking up from her GCSE maths textbook to see Sasha, who looked like she was having trouble focusing, giving her a disgusted look. She removed the pen from her mouth, chancing a glance at the boys to see Tyler smiling to himself and Ryan turning to a page of the same textbook that she could only dream of reaching by the end of the day. The room was dead quiet, as per its name, the only sounds audible being the heavily muffled voices of Charlie, Alex and May-Li as they discussed what Jody assumed to be college applications. She flinched. She didn't even know what she wanted to do at college yet and she didn't have very long to decide; this time next year, it'd be her, Tyler and Ryan in the office with their carers (Sasha would be at home, discussing her options at length with her mother and stepfather's undivided attention on her).
The four of them continued to study in record-breaking silence—in DG terms—until the connecting door between the quiet room and the office opened and Mike popped his head around said door. "Jody, can I borrow you for a minute?" he asked in a whisper, smiling apologetically to the others.
Nodding, Jody stepped into the office for what felt like the millionth time that week and Mike gently closed the door behind her. May-Li, Alex and Charlie were no longer there so she assumed that what he had to say to her was private and for her ears only.
"Are you sure you don't want to give the mocks a miss on grounds of bereavement?" he implored, walking around her to get to his desk. This was the second time he was bringing this up, the first time being on the day he'd informed her of her mother's death. "It's been less than a week since you were informed of your mother's death. According to your school policy, you can sit the mocks later."
"I'm sure, Mike," she replied, leaning against the office door. "I want things to go back to normal ASAP. Keeping busy is the best way to do that, right?"
"Yes, it is."
Jody raised an eyebrow, looking around. "Did you call me in here just to ask me that?"
"No," Mike answered, holding his index finger up at her as if to say 'one sec' as he clicked on something on his computer. "Actually, your social worker gave me a call. Luke's clearing out your mother's place because the landlord wants to rent it out again and he wants to know if you want anything sent here to you. He's going to sell whatever he can to cover the funeral costs."
Jody felt like she'd been punched in the gut. Instead of simply giving her a call or sending her a text, Luke had gone through the official channels just to determine one simple thing. Was he really that ashamed of her that he couldn't bring himself to talk to her directly? Was having a sister in care really that embarrassing to admit to his fancypants mates? Wait... why did she care anyway? He wasn't her brother anymore so he could do what he liked. She'd been right to cut him and Kingsley off.
Noticing Mike staring questioningly at her, clearly expecting an answer, she quickly responded. "I'd like the lava lamp if it's still there." There was a good chance her mother had smashed it after Jody had broken her and Grant up but she rather liked that lamp and thought it'd fit in nicely with her newly redecorated, mostly purple bedroom.
"Okay," Mike said, typing something up. Knowing him, he was probably using the Sticky Notes application. She bit her lip, refraining from smiling at his forgetfulness. He was so old. "Anything else?"
"Err, no." She hadn't lived with her mother in so long that she doubted anything she would want was lying around that house. After their failed attempt at a family back when she was nine, Gina, boss that she was, had recovered everything.
"Alright, off you go then," Mike ordered. Jody put her hand on the connecting door's handle, about to turn it when Mike spoke up again. "Oh, wait, I almost forgot! The funeral is on Tuesday."
Turning the handle, she shrugged. "I'm not going so it doesn't matter anyway. I'd better get back to work."
.:. QK .:.
The next day, Jody stood right at the back of the queue for the bathroom, behind all of the younger kids. She had a raging headache from the previous night's cramming and felt like throttling them all to get to the front but she barely stopped herself, deciding it wasn't worth the trouble she'd undoubtedly get in. Ryan, Sasha and Tyler had all somehow beaten the younger ones to the bog and were all downstairs, probably preparing for the second round of cramming. As if on cue, Floss and Candi-Rose who were right at the front of the queue started yelling at each other and Jody groaned, closing her eyes and pinching the bridge of her nose. Typical. Just when she actually needed the others to tread on eggshells around her, they were screaming like banshees instead.
"Shut it!" she roared, and the whole corridor fell silent. Floss, Candi-Rose, Taz, Joseph, Archie and Finn all turned to look at her with wide eyes. Alex, who'd just exited his room, took advantage of the silence and dashed into the bathroom, setting off another commotion.
"Jody!" Charlie called, her voice barely audible over everyone else's. She appeared around the corner, seemingly ignoring the chaos going on around her. "There's a parcel downstairs for you!"
Too tired to speak, Jody merely nodded, waving the older girl off. She walked out of the queue, knowing that there was no one left to join the line and take her place, and made her way downstairs. She drew a few funny looks from those already downstairs, such as Chloe, but she ignored them all, picking the parcel labelled 'Jody' up and taking it to her room. Jody. Luke probably didn't know that she now had a different surname to his. She briefly entertained the thought of going to the funeral just to inform him of her name change and see his reaction to it.
Opening the parcel, she grinned when she saw the lava lamp, carefully taking it out of the packaging and placing it on her desk. When she saw what else was in the box, however, she frowned, feeling the all too familiar spike of anger rising in her.
Why?
She hadn't asked for this.
A/N: As it happens, my *widdle* brother's currently cramming for his Year 10 mocks which begin this Monday. We don't really see the DG kids doing homework or studying (the earlier few series seemed to be set solely during the summer hols) so I felt like I had to put that in there. Also, I realise February might be too late for college applications but I honestly can't remember when I did mine (it was a̶ ̶f̶e̶w̶,̶ ̶m̶a̶y̶b̶e̶ lots of years ago).
Thanks again to CharlieSMarts12 for the review. Jody Jackson does indeed have a nice ring to it. Maybe that's why Denise changed Jody's name in the first place, eh?