A/N: So, I'm aware you all might hate Len after everything that's happened. No promises, but I'm sure you'll start to see a better side to him very soon.

…

Chapter Eight: Helpless

…

My heart beats hard in my chest. After calling for help, and pleading for him to come get me, there is silence for a short while. I can hear my brother's light breathing on the phone, but nothing comes out for a few moments. Finally, a heavy sigh reaches my ear. "So, now you want my help?"

Those words crush any bit of hope I have left. I should have expected this, but… It still hurts like hell to actually hear it. Blinking away a few tears, I try to speak as clearly as I can, hoping that I don't break. "I- I get it, I cut you off for a while. I was mad, because you-… Ugh, it doesn't matter right now. Please, just don't leave me here."

"Heh…" A bitter-sounding laugh reaches my ear after I speak. "Even though I warned you that you were just being used, you still went to his house. And now that he's used you as he pleased, thrown you out onto the street – you want to come crying to me? I don't have time for this."

"Wait, no- Don't hang up!" I desperately try to interrupt, to stop him from ending the call right now. "I know I fucked up, seriously. But you don't understand what he's done to me."

"Rin, I warned you repeatedly that he only wanted to sleep with you. And since it's finally happened, you regret it. I'm sorry, but you put yourself in that position from the beginning. I told you not to come whining to me." Len speaks coldly, and with each thing he says, I can feel myself being pushed closer and closer to a breaking point. I tremble on the ground beneath me, tears threatening to spill from my eyes. Everything he says is right. I know that. But even so…

"N-No, that's not… Okay. You're right, I wanted something more from him. But that was just… just kissing…! I didn't expect him to go so far. Please, just-"

"So, you admit to encouraging him," Len cuts my shaky words off. "As I said, you're regretting what you did with him. That's fine – but it's not my problem."

I grit my teeth together, growing frustrated at his unwillingness to listen to the full story. Along with that, I find it difficult to properly explain what happened in the first place. "Just, listen to me!" I harshly demand, unable to stop myself from lashing out. I take in a deep breath, ignoring the tears running down my cheeks. "I don't know where I am right now. There's no lights here. I can't get home. Please, all I want is for you to help me get home."

"You're kidding, right?" I can hear a laugh of disbelief come from my brother. "And why exactly would I do that? After the way you've acted, I don't think I should bother."

If I was standing in front of him right now, I'd be down on my knees to beg. The more Len rejects me, the more I can feel the darkness begin to close in on me. "How many times do I have to say I'm sorry? How many times should I let you boast and say, 'I told you so'?"

"As tempting as that sounds, I just can't forgive you. You think I hurt you so badly, right? But I suppose you don't even care about how I feel." Len scoffs and says this bluntly. Again, he's right. Yet, I've been so stubborn and ignored everything he said. It seems like it's fate for the two of us to hate each other. We won't be able to come back from this so easily.

"…alright," I weakly whisper, deciding to give in first. He won't come for me. "At least tell Mom that I'm safe, and I'll be home in an hour or so." That's all I ask of him.

"Just this once. But only because she'd go crazy if she found out the truth." Without giving me a chance to tell him I'll find a way home myself, my brother puts an end to the call. I hold the phone to my ear a few moments after, still finding myself stunned after everything.

Coming to my senses a short moment later, I slowly lower my arm and slide my phone back into my pocket. I wrap my arms around myself, beginning to feel the once cool night breeze as an icy cold wind. I glance around, trying my hardest to gain a sense of direction. If I continue down this path, it'll probably take me into a field. So, perhaps if I walk back the way I ran, pass by Kaito's house and keep walking in that direction… I should be home sooner or later. Preparing myself to face up to the unknown dangers of the dark, I slowly begin to move and retrace my steps.

It turns out that I ended up running to somewhere far from Kaito's house, because of that good old 'fight or flight' instinct. Although it doesn't take that long to find my way back, it definitely feels like it takes forever. I keep turning corners and entering more unknown streets, and I can't tell if I've went in circles yet. But soon, I find myself back on a familiar path; I realise I've reached the street where Kaito's house is. Shuddering lightly, I push myself to quickly pass that house, despite how exhausted I feel.

As I find myself knowing where I am, more or less, I begin to think to myself as I walk, to distract myself from the cruel cold air. Avoiding stones scattered across the path, I let out a quiet sigh. I can't quite think of the reason why Kaito flipped his personality so suddenly. I remember Meiko telling me about his so-called 'bet' with Piko – but even so, he hadn't really been the type when we first became friends. Then again, I don't think I really know what Kaito is like. We got along well, while hanging out with our other friends. But maybe it had all been an act. I'm not sure about anything anymore.

After dragging myself through several streets, I miraculously find my way back to the street where home is. It must have taken at least half an hour… No, maybe it's longer than that. I suppose it no longer matters. I just want to get home and fall asleep straight away, to forget about all that's happened. Even if it's just a temporary release. Blocking out any more stressful thoughts, I force myself to keep walking that short, final distance to home.

Once I open the front door, I let out a deep sigh in relief. I finally feel like I'm safe, at least for now. There's no telling what tomorrow or the day after that will bring. Kaito may still be planning some more sick things with Piko. But I don't even want to think about that. I step into the warm, secure house. I instantly shut the door behind me, not letting the darkness reach me and drag me back any longer.

Groaning quietly, I make my way over to the kitchen. Only now, my appetite has returned, and I realise I haven't had food in hours. Mother must be in her own bedroom or perhaps in the living room, because she isn't anywhere to be found in the kitchen. I should probably just grab a light snack, because if I ask for a full dinner, Mother will most likely follow up with an interrogation of her own. I end up raiding the cupboards for a couple of cookies and a bag of chips. It'll have to do for tonight.

I reluctantly head up to my bedroom, wondering if I have the energy to argue with my brother again. Every part of me just wants to burst into the room and scream at him for being a massive dick. But the rational part of me is urging me to apologise for everything I said to him, and for not believing all the warnings he gave me. Sighing lightly, I make my way to the bedroom. Pushing the door open, I immediately walk towards my bed, not daring to make eye contact just yet. I keep my glance low as I walk, wanting to avoid the sudden tense, awkward atmosphere.

When I slide myself under the covers of my bed, not bothering to change into my night clothes, I pull my phone from my pocket again. I hold it in front of me, but I'm not sure if I can manage to fake a friendly conversation with Meiko tonight. I stare hesitantly at the phone screen for quite some time, in an indecisive manner. I don't think I can bring myself to talk about what happened tonight. I think I want to tell my brother if he agrees to listen, but when it comes to telling someone else, it's almost scary. Even if that 'someone else' is my best friend.

I slowly shake my head, tutting quietly to myself. I place my phone on top of the table beside my bed. I guess tonight, I'm going to be a coward. Once I set my phone down, I place one of the cookies and the bag of chips onto a free space on the table. Nibbling lightly at the first cookie, I sneak a glance towards my brother on his bed. He's sitting under the covers himself, his laptop resting on top of his legs. I narrow my eyes at him, taking in his appearance for a brief moment or so. His eyelids appear to be heavy, as though he has a lot on his mind currently.

"…Seriously, what are you staring at?"

I blink, snapping out of my state of observation. I must have been looking for too long. Good job, Rin. Idiot. I let out a long sigh, averting my eyes at that moment. "Nothing," I bluntly say, before taking another bite of the cookie in my hand. Geez, this is awkward as hell. I can just hear the hatred for me in his voice, and almost feel those piercing eyes digging into the side of my face.

"It's obviously not 'nothing' if you're staring like that," Len remarks, and he probably just rolled his eyes.

I grit my teeth together in frustration, resisting the urge to clench my fists and crush the cookie in my hand in the process. Fuck this. I do have the energy to fight him tonight. "Okay, fine. I was staring. Because I was trying to figure out what the fuck is wrong with your head right now…!" I lash out, the volume of my voice growing loud already. As I shout at him, I turn to glare at him with challenging, menacing eyes.

"That's ironic, considering you're the one who's fucked up so badly," Len scoffs, and though his volume doesn't grow as loud as my first shout, I can hear the same level of burning anger in his tone. "But yeah, I'm the one who has a problem. Honestly, you drive me insane most of the time, Rin."

I'm appalled to hear such words coming from him, of all people. "You're the biggest fucking hypocrite I've ever met!" I snarl in disgust, throwing away the food in my hand recklessly, hoping it lands on top of the bedside table. This time, my fists clench at my sides without a problem.

"And you're the most pathetically naïve and desperate girl I've ever met," Len shoots back, and that cuts deep. After so confidently denying that he never thought of me as desperate, those words pierce into my heart like a freshly sharpened knife. With that, he calmly closes his laptop and shifts it onto the floor. "Honestly, are you really that stupid? You can't be, can you? Going over to the house of a boy you hardly know, after being so delusional to think you're seriously dating – especially when it's only been for two days."

If I grit my teeth together any harder, I'll probably break something. And if I dig my nails any deeper into the skin of my tightened fists, I'll end up leaving harsh marks. I breathe heavily, my cheeks burning in humiliation and anger, all while fresh tears sting my eyes. He doesn't know the half of it. But right now, I can't find the strength to admit the truth. "I'm aware of how badly I fucked up. You don't need to rub it in…! You see, that's your problem. Just when I think you might have a shred of empathy left inside you, you flip that in an instant and begin to make fun of every aspect of my life! I don't fucking understand anymore, Len."

My brother simply lets out a scoff, shaking his head slowly before opening his mouth to respond. His tone is blunt, but the affect his words have on me end up feeling razor sharp. "Well, I guess I really do just hate you. Maybe I've just been pitying you this whole time." Though he speaks casually and shrugs his shoulders as if these words mean nothing, it causes me to finally break down.

I stare at him, lacking energy to even widen my eyes in shock after hearing those words. "You… You're a fucking asshole…!" I hiss my insulting words out weakly, and my entire body has become pretty much numb. And suddenly, the only feeling I have… is the strong urge to vomit, perhaps caused by all the fear from earlier, and the ongoing, intense body tremors. There's no stopping it this time. My eyes growing wide properly this time, I clamp a palm over my mouth instinctively and rush to pull the covers off my body with my free hand. The argument is cut short – very short. Without taking a moment to look at my brother, and even drowning out his words, I make an urgent dash out of the room. Talk about an awful day.

…

[Len Kagamine's P.O.V]

It's now Tuesday, the day directly after that whole disaster. The truth is, I pretty much forced myself to say such spiteful things to her, after repeatedly refusing to listen to her story from that night. But I remind myself that this is for the best. If Rin hates me, it makes everything easier for the both of us. Of course, it had never been my intention to make her ill last night. I don't even want to begin to imagine what happened between her and Kaito. I truly do want to listen to her, but I can't give in now. I already swore to myself to toughen up my methods, and so I did.

But that doesn't mean I'm not hurting. In fact, it feels quite like I've been stabbed. I don't know how that feels precisely, but I'm imagining it as extremely agonising. My heart aches terribly for the amount of sadness I've inflicted upon her. I feel like I'm going to quite literally die if I don't apologise profusely and pull her into a long, warm, reassuring hug. I feel like I've failed to protect her if I don't go and beat the shit out of that scum Kaito. I've always felt this way, though. Well, a whole three years really does feel like 'always'. I've been training myself to toughen up and become harsh ever since I realised the truth that day.

I was only twelve years old at the time – possibly only three or four months away from my thirteenth birthday. I was extremely excited during the run-up to my birthday; thirteen really felt like a special, grown-up number. At that age, children becoming teenagers always felt this way. Anyway, back then, everything was normal. I was just as bubbly and as bright as my twin sister. We were often labelled as 'double trouble' and other things similar to that, specifically by teachers and other grown-ups. We played many pranks together, and had such a strong bond – it was unbreakable.

Although we were told of a thing called 'adolescence', it never really affected me last year, which was when it was supposedly going to start kicking in. I was told by Father I might start feeling 'something warm' in my heart when I spend time with other girls. He said it was natural, that it was a thing called a 'crush', and I should try my best to make the most of it, to gain minor, mostly cute experiences. But I never developed one of those.

I ended up ignoring what Father had told me, just accepting that I probably wouldn't get a crush for a long time. But my parents couldn't have possibly prepared me for the day my first crush began to develop. In fact, no one could have prepared me. She was always by my side, so it was natural that I'd care deeply for her. We did everything together, and I considered her my best friend, not just someone relatively close. But my poor, confused mind didn't fully accept these 'crush'-like feelings for a long time. I thought it was normal… Until our thirteenth birthday. There was a day when I felt an unexplainable, solid tension between her and I. It was like nothing I'd ever felt before. That's when I knew I had a problem; a serious problem. I desperately tried to rationalise my feelings, after gaining a bit more maturity and sense of awareness during those four months. Yet, no matter how hard I tried, nothing worked. I beat myself up almost daily about it, conflicted between telling her the truth, and keeping my mouth shut at all costs. It was wrong. It was immoral and inconceivable, in every sense of the words. I couldn't have feelings for my best friend.

I couldn't have feelings for my twin sister.

I thought there was something wrong with my head. I thought I was sick. I tried to blame it on confusion brought on by adolescence, and when that didn't work, I put it down to my mental health. If it wasn't confusion, it would have to be a problem with myself psychologically. No matter what it was, I realised that I could only do one thing to stop us from ever crossing that forbidden boundary. I had to shatter that once unbreakable bond we shared our entire life. I hated myself for developing feelings for my own sister. I think that contributed deeply to the breakdown of my once bright personality.

I had to distance myself from Rin. I had to do everything I could to make sure she never got too close to me again. My methods started off in a way that didn't hurt her, but only myself. I started to pick fights with her at random times. I ruined days out with our family. I 'accidentally' broke some toys that belonged to her. I did little things like that, over the course of what felt like forever. And of course, halfway into our brand-new learning year at school, Luka had transferred in.

At that point in time, I had already fallen into the deep end. No matter how much I tried to aggravate and provoke my sister, she always forgave me. And I fell hard for her. I felt physically sick at myself every single day, and I tried so hard to stop – but all that effort only worsened my mental health. I grew colder. I shut people out. There were still times where I could have one good day, just to make Rin feel happy again. But I only did that for her sake. I truly felt nothing on the inside, apart from burning self-loathing and disgust. Of course, the only other thing I felt apart from emptiness, was that helpless, desperate love for my sister.

Everything I say to her now, I don't mean it. But I've become so frantic to find a solution before I drive myself into an early grave. I've struggled with these conflicts for three years now, and every single day has been Hell. Which is why I've resorted to outright insulting her, ensuring she despises me for the rest of our days. I want to push her to completely cut me out of her life when we're adults. As much as I want to hold her in my arms, it'll only make things more complicated. She'll never feel the same way as me, because she's not messed up in the head. But I am.

I think the argument we had last night has caused her to stop speaking to me altogether again. I hope she stays away for at least a few days now. It won't ease the pain and conflicts in my heart, but it'll be better for her if she keeps her distance. It may hurt her now, and she may never understand why, but in the end, this is what's best for her. I know my sister well enough to realise this is the only thing that can be done. One day, her heart will recover from the things I've said to her, and she'll find peace. She'll be able to move on. Only I will be stuck with this eternal torment, and that's okay. It's what I deserve; a lifetime of enduring hellfire, for the dark sins I've touched upon.

I can't bring myself to fully shut Rin out just yet, though. That's why in the past, I've sort of flipped my personality, just so she can have one more day of happiness. So, she can have one more fond memory of the times when things were alright between us. After everything that's happened, I don't think I can grant her any more of those fond memories. The last time things were normal was that day we showed our newly formed dance to our friends. Yeah... That's going to be a special memory for her, for sure.

Even though I want to push Rin away… That doesn't, for a single second, mean I'm going to let Kaito get away with what he's done to her. After my sister fell sick last night, Mother assumed that she ate something bad, and insisted that she stayed home to recover. That's rather convenient for me. Now, I'm not going to be an idiot and slam Kaito into a locker, just like I did with Luka two years ago. But I'm still not going to be smart and let him walk away unharmed.

Although there had been some undeniable, unspeakable hatred between Kaito and I when he first pretended to have a crush on Rin, I don't think he's smart enough to detect there's a real problem. And so, I use his pathetically small mind to my advantage. I take a friendly approach, sending a few casual texts to Kaito while making my way to school.

'Hey, man. Do you mind meeting me outside the school gates this morning? I want to talk about something, if that's cool.' Slyly typing out something as vague as that, I press the send button a moment after.

It only takes about a couple minutes for his response to come through. 'Sure, no problem. Btw, is Rin okay? She hasn't texted me this morning yet.' Featuring a rather lame sad face emoji at the end of his text, I resist the urge to groan as I read. Of course, she hasn't texted you, dickhead. I don't know what you've done to her, bastard, but I'll make you pay regardless for messing her around.

'Yeah, she's okay. She just came down with a 24-hour cold during the night, so she's staying at home.' I decide to present the truth to him, knowing there's no way he'll catch on about my intentions. So, even if he knows he'll have no one to back him up, he'll still come to meet me either way. Fucking idiot. I slide my phone back into my bag, not really bothered at this point if I miss a response from him. I dig my hands into my pockets after, and make the rest of the way to school.

When I approach the school gates, I catch sight of Kaito standing not too far away from the entrance. He's under one of the trees that surrounds the school, but once I come a bit closer, I see that he's definitely not standing alone. I scoff lightly to myself, shaking my head at my moment of naïveté. I can't believe that, for a split second, I thought he'd show up alone. It's only Piko, though, so my confidence remains unshaken. I move towards the tree, standing a few spaces opposite the two. I try to plaster on a normal enough expression for just the beginning.

"Well, morning, Len. Hope you don't mind, but Piko and I had walked to school together," Kaito says, greeting me in the most fake pleasant tone I've ever heard. Tch. This bastard isn't gullible at all. That air-headed innocence is all an act, and I'm pissed off at myself for allowing myself to believe he'd willingly meet me after whatever he did to my sister.

"No, not at all." I wave my hand in a dismissive manner, before pulling my other hand from my pocket. I lower my hands to my sides, and decide to get straight to the point. "So… You two think you have the freedom to make stupid bets about my sister? Treating her like property, to see who can claim her first?"

Kaito and Piko glance at each other, and they seem to smirk in unison. Kaito speaks first, denying all knowledge and acting dumb. "Bet? Len, my friend… I don't know why you'd think that. Rin is our good friend, too, you know."

I take in a breath, resisting the urge to knock him out right then and there. I want to hear him talk some more first. Even though it'll be shit, I want to hear his explanation as to why he thinks he can walk all over my sister the way he did. Uncontrollably, though, I end up lightly tightening one of my fists at my side. "You can drop the act. I heard what you said yesterday. You're only interested in her body, sick bastard."

Piko snickers at my words, and that makes me want to deal with both of them now. "I mean, obviously. Anyway, if your sister wasn't such a desperate slut to start off with, there'd be no need for this bet at all."

"Agh…!" I can't help but sharply gasp in shock as Piko so casually labels my sister a 'slut'. My fist tightens some more, and before either of us can realise what's about to happen, I thrust my arm up and forcefully connect my knuckles to the area under that silver-haired boy's chin. The sheer amount of strength, born out of burning rage and disgust, is enough to send him tumbling backwards a good few steps and straight onto his backside. Even I'm stunned from my impulse hit, but I regain my composure and act as if I was going to do that all along. I turn my sharp eyes to Kaito.

Piko can be heard moaning in pain, and he begins to yell all sorts of things at me. But he can't do anything. He can't get up, it seems. The fall must have left some damage, as his backside landed on the grass, but his back connected for the first second against the concrete path joined to the grass.

I can see a slight sparkle of worry reflected in Kaito's eyes. So, only now he realises just how much he's fucked up. But that doesn't mean I'm going to go easy on him. He's the one who hurt my sister – I just wanted to give a good warning to Piko for getting involved in something so horrible. I lower my fist to my side once more, and though it's throbbing from connecting to someone's chin, its form remains tight in endurance. "Are you going to call her a slut, too? Or maybe you're going to try and pull some bullshit about how much she 'wanted it'." I challenge him to speak.

Kaito visibly gulps, and he waves his hands in front of himself defensively. That's funny. He thinks he has the right to ask for forgiveness. "Hey, I don't know what she said to you, but I didn't try anything weird with her…! I'm sorry for the bet, alright? But I'd never actually take it so far."

I don't believe that for a second. Kaito uselessly begins to ramble about the bet, about his poor little feelings, and all that. And quite frankly, it's making me grow bored. I'm sick of hearing him running his mouth. I don't remove my glare from him the entire time he rants, so that the next blow will be as unexpected as Piko's. And that rat on the ground is just watching with wide, helpless eyes.

"You know, we've been friends for a long time. I'd never just-…"

Scoffing lightly to myself, I cut his words short. I throw that same throbbing fist forward, catching Kaito off guard. I make contact with his gut, slamming my fist right into him without holding back at all. At this point, no one has come rushing over to break this up, so I can only assume the other students are all inside the building. And as soon as I retract my fist from him, he immediately wraps his arms around the affected area. But that does no good, as he topples forward onto his knees with a disturbingly loud slam, and that's followed by a wheezing cough. Knocked the air right out of him. That'll shut him up for a while.

"Jesus, man, you're a fucking psycho! We didn't lay a hand on your sister, so what the hell are you beating us up for?" Piko seems to recover from the shock of being slammed with a fist under the chin. Sadly, it hasn't rattled his brain like I wanted it to.

I turn my now blank eyes to the pathetic male, looking down on him. It's true. There may be something wrong with me if I can so easily resort to violence without feeling an ounce of empathy. Or perhaps my desire to protect my sister is so strong, that any morals I hold are wiped out altogether. Whatever it is, I don't think he's in any place to judge someone's mental state, considering he wanted to emotionally manipulate and toy with Rin, without his own trace of empathy. In that case, perhaps we're no better than each other. But I don't care.

Kaito splutters some more, as he feebly tries to catch his breath after such a harsh blow to his stomach. It's not even amusing to see him in this state. I just pity him, shifting my glance between the two scum with empty eyes. I'm merely teaching them a lesson to respect another person's emotions. He draws in a sharp, deep breath, and then stares up to me with surprisingly brave eyes. "Y-You're… you're not going to get away with doing this. You know that, right…?" He speaks in a low whisper, attempting to sound intimidating. "You think that bitch is safe just because you're taking care of us? You're… way more pathetic than I thought, Kagamine…"

I simply scoff, knowing he's just talking a load of bullshit. No one else is out to get my sister like these two. "You're awfully brave for someone who just got punched in the stomach," I blankly respond, almost finding his confidence funny. "I'm going to leave you at that. But maybe I'll change my mind later, who knows. This is the only warning I'm gonna give you, boys. Take it or ignore it, I don't care." Satisfied with my actions for now, I leave the two to their pain on the ground. I turn on my heels, digging my hands back into my pockets, and begin to walk through the school gates.

If they're wise, they'll listen to my rather lenient warning. If not, I don't think I'll be able to resist giving them the locker treatment. This is my last act of kindness for my sister. They shouldn't bother her again, and hopefully she can just go about the rest of her days at school peacefully with her best friends.

…