Chapter 12
The Rule of Three
It was an hour before we were allowed back in. Dad looked better but he was angry. When he asked if everyone could leave the room so he could talk to me alone I could definitely feel a very big lecture coming. I turned away, unable to look at him as he spoke sternly.

"This is not a good thing." He stated plainly.

I crossed my arms defensively, staring out the window. "You don't think I know that, Dad?!"

"I'm serious, Judith!"

"Look it wasn't my fault, alright! It wasn't my idea to throw it that hard it just… I was so mad and Glenn just up and started…"

"No—NO! You're not blaming this one on ghosts, alright." He announced angrily. He pointed at me for added affect. "You messed up, Judith, and now Negan's going to make you pay for it, and there is not a thing I can do about it!"

His desperate angry shout was laced with hidden terror and the sound of it formed a painful lump in my throat. I looked back at him and the full weight of the situation dropped on me. For so long I worked to remain out of Negan's line of vision, but now… it looked like I had his full attention on me.

He pinched the bridge of his nose. "This is not good."

"Yeah, you said that, Dad." I moaned trying not to cry about this whole stupid situation.

"I'll talk to Aaron and Michonne." He decided, swinging his legs over the side of the bed and getting up shakily. "Tomorrow we'll go out and maybe if we're lucky we might manage to scrounge something up to satisfy him."

"He said I had to find it, and you're hurt, Dad. You're hurt really bad."

"Which is why whatever we find you'll pass off as your own when Negan comes back."

I felt deeply insulted by that. I had been able to look out for myself this whole time and had gathered things that not even he knew where to get. Did he think I was so incapable? "I can find things on my own. I'm good at it, too."

"You won't be able to go find those things because I believe I clearly grounded you."

"This is SO stupid!" I yelled, utterly furious. Angry tears gathered at the corners of my eyes as I shouted back at him. "You know I'm capable of being out there! I've been capable of being out there my whole life and I'm not afraid of anything in those woods! Not wolves or walkers or fucking Negan! You're just being a coward again!"

"DON'T YOU DARE USE THAT LANGUAGE WITH ME, YOUNG LADY!" Dad roared back, entirely unhinged by my outburst. I had never seen him look so furious with me. Not ever. The sight of it was terrifying. No wonder he commanded such respect among our community.

"Everything I have done I've done to ensure this town's safety and yours! Do you think so little of me that you don't believe I would fight back if I thought there was even a chance I could kill that bastard! Fighting back is easy, Judith Grimes. I'd kill every goddamned one of those people if I didn't know we'd all die for it-if I didn't know YOU would die for it?!"

I was silent. The tears I'd been trying to hold back finally slid out my eyes and I looked away, ashamed for the weakness as I tried to mop them up.

Dad's volume softened, but the seriousness of it did not. "Fighting is easy, Judith Grimes. It's easy for you and it's easy for me. That's why it's our first reaction towards everything. Groveling is what's hard. It the worst tasting sewage you'll ever have to stomach, but I stomach it because anything else ends with you and Carl taken from me in one form… or another.

"I will face walkers, wolves, bandits and fucking Negan every day if I have to, but I will NOT face that. I will NOT risk your life for mine, Judith Grimes. Never ask me that again!"

There was a strange silence. I felt like I had been punched in the gut by those words. I couldn't remember how to breathe as I looked back at him while he straightened, limping out of the infirmary on a crutch.

"You are staying in town." He announced and I could tell by the tone that it wasn't up for negotiation or argument. "I'm getting someone to watch you at every moment if I have to, but you are STAYING in town. If I find out that you snuck over the walls again, you will be in for a world of trouble and I'll lock you in your room or the stockade, understand?"

I wanted to argue and shout about how unbelievably unfair this all was, but there was only one thing my dad wanted to hear from me right now, anything else would only make my punishment worse.

"Yes sir."

With those final words I turned and burst out of the infirmary trying to wipe up the tears before everyone saw. I didn't want to go home; I wanted to go to the island. I wanted to be with Vanessa and the garden and the shrines and the river Styx and just… I didn't want to be here!

All the same, I ran the distance back to our house slamming the door to my bedroom and sliding to the floor in defeat, bringing my knees to my chest and crying right where I was.

Dad didn't get it. He didn't get it at all! And I couldn't tell him or Carl or anyone because then we'd be in worse danger than ever and… and it was just… it was all… it was all just so messed up!

It was all so fucking messed up and unfair and stupid! And there wasn't a thing I could do about any of it!

In that moment of weakness and vulnerability I reached out to blame someone: Dad, Negan, me… and then I felt the chain around my neck and the charms that weighed against it.

Unfastening it, my fingers grasped at the car charm and my helplessness turned into rage.

"Glenn!" I hissed, glaring down at it. This was all his fault! If he hadn't gotten mad and decided to play puppet master with me none of this would have happened! In a moment of rage I tugged the charm away from the rest and chucked it at the far corner of the wall. It tinged loudly against the plaster and fell away out of sight in some unseen corner of the room.

I hated him for what he did! He shouldn't have treated me like that; like a remote controlled robot. No other spirit had ever done something like that—even the meanest of them. He was supposed to have been my friend. I wouldn't forgive him for it!

Because of him I was waist deep in a whole lot of crap and now I was half a dozen different kinds of doomed.

Just then there was a knock on the door; thinking it was Michonne or Carl I shouted back, "I don't want to talk to anyone right now! Just leave me alone, alright!"

But then I heard Enid's voice as well as the yips of two different puppies.

"Well is it okay if these little guys come in at least?"

I got up, swatting away the tears as best I could before even touching the knob. I inched the door opened cautiously, seeing my friend holding an eager Sheriff and the ever calm Eclipse in her arms. I opened the door the rest of the way and allowed them entrance, taking my designated hound the moment he was over the threshold.

He licked up the remaining salt water on my face and I felt immediately better.

Enid didn't say anything as we both migrated over to the lone mattress, dropping on it as we held our pets.

We didn't say anything; not for a long time at least, deciding it was better to just watch the pups than attempt a conversation.

Finally Enid spoke.

"Maybe… maybe it's time we tell them."

I didn't have to ask her what she was talking about. "Do you think that would help the situation?"

"It could. It might…"

"And you don't think any of the Saviors will find out? You're sure that now especially it won't get back to Negan and he won't be dead set on using me in whatever way he can for it? You're sure that everyone will be safe if I were to come out about it?"

"I…"

Who was she kidding? No one could promise something like that. Negan had his eye on me now and thanks to that stupid stunt Glenn pulled anything else out of the ordinary even came up around me and I'd be shipped off to the Sanctuary on the first truck out of Alexandria.

"I'm in more danger than I ever was, Enid." I declared sternly. "I'm not telling anyone about it! And you can't tell either! It's not your life and it's not your burden."

Her face twisted in fury by that announcement.

"It is my burden because I have to sit back and watch this crap unfold." She growled. "I can't say anything until you decide to say something. Do you know how hard that is?" She ranted. But before giving me the chance to try answering, she continued.

"You think it's just going to make everything worse instead of imagining it could make things better. I don't think you do it because you think it'd be more dangerous, I think you do it because you like having that secret. It's all yours. It's like a superpower and you think you're a superhero protecting your identity or something! Well guess what, Judith—you're not! This isn't one of Carl's comic books! Negan isn't your arch nemesis and you're not going to fight the villain and save everyone!"

My face burned. "I never… that's not what I…"

Her words stung so much; mostly because I think in the deep recesses of my subconscious, that's what I had secretly daydreamt about. She was right. I wasn't a superhero. This thing—whatever I could do against the walkers… it wasn't a superpower. It just meant I wasn't appetizing enough to them.

I got up, walking around the room.

"Look I get it okay." I bit out, trying not to cry more, but failing miserably anyways. "I've just been manhandled by King Asshole, my dad just grounded me from doing what I was supposed to do, and I don't need another lecture! I thought you were going to try and—oh I don't know—make me feel a little better about this crap, but if you're just going to shout at me as well, then you can just get out!"

The moment it was all off my tong I regretted it. She looked offended and torn between doing just that, but she didn't move. Inside I was relieved by it. I really didn't want her to go. Not yet. I thought I didn't want anyone, but I really did. I wanted to talk about this with someone and I didn't want to end up chasing her off in anger as well.

She sighed. "Okay, you're right. I shouldn't have said that, and I really did come up here to try and help you out. I'm sorry I made you feel worse."

I sniffed wiping at my eyes again. The puppy in my arms yipped and struggled so I let him down. I stayed standing though leaning against the opposite wall from Enid as I watched Sheriff and Eclipse tousle playfully on the floor.

"I just want to help." She tried again.

I slid to the ground, crossing my arms over my knees. "Alright, then what should I do."

"Maybe now's the time to tell them."

"Look I know you think that's the best idea, but could we please put a push pin in that plan and come back to it later. I just don't think I can think about doing that right now."

She opened her mouth looking ready to argue but closed it just as quickly in surrender like I had asked. We were silent again. Was that the only plan she had? Telling everyone about me? Stupid… Why the hell did I let her in my room?

Just then her demeanor changed slightly. "I know the aftermath wasn't that great," She said with a careful smile, "but you know… it was pretty cool when you tossed his bat and it shattered over the pavement."

I glanced at her as she went on.

"I wish you had seen everyone's faces. I thought most of the Saviors were going to crap themselves. Negan himself even looked a little scared of you for a moment. At least for a second, long enough for that guy to freak out over the toss and Negan to gather himself enough to deck him quiet."

It hadn't been all that cool for me or Dad at the time, but to anyone else, maybe it had looked pretty spectacular.

"Did… did I really look cool?"

"Well… the explosion was pretty cool, especially the sound. You looked a little lost like you weren't even paying attention to what you were doing until after you did it."

"Well it hadn't been my idea to throw it. I didn't even really want to take it in the first place. Glenn…" I didn't know what to say about it all. Really I was just so angry about the whole situation. "I don't know what came over him but he…" my voice choked on the phrase—I just felt so betrayed! "He possessed me! He drove me around like that! And now I don't even…"

"Wait, Glenn possessed you?"

"Of course he did! There's no way I could have made a toss like that on my own. Big, stupid, dead, vengeful spirit, jerk!"

"I didn't even know they could do that. I just thought you were seeing dead people, I didn't know they could…"

"They can't!" I hissed. "They're not supposed to, not without permission and I've never given my permission to any of them! It was stupid and selfish and violating and I won't forgive him for that! He was—he was completely out of line!"

"Do you know where he is now?"

"No! And I don't care!"

"Judith, please. This is Glenn we're talking about. Are you sure it was him?"

"Yes."

There was more silence. Then Enid began again, this time very carefully. "I'm not trying to justify what he did, because you're right, it was completely out of line… but it would make sense he would try something like this, considering the way he was murdered. Maybe he just wanted some justice."

"Justice?"

She cut me off before I could continue in outrage. "Look, I get that you're angry, it wouldn't make sense if you weren't. But maybe he was just desperate and tired of waiting for that bastard to be killed already, so he went for the next best thing. He deserved that much."

"So you're saying that it was okay for him to possess me like that? It was okay for him to use me like that?! Just as long as he got his "justice" it was okay to make me feel helpless against his control? That's what you're saying?"

"No that's not what I'm saying. You're twisting my words. I'm just saying… what I'm trying to say…" Enid opened her mouth but closed it again as she seemed to understand where I was coming from. Something else seemed to cross her face, as if the conversation were reminding her of something else— something darker.

She face-palmed by that and groaned as if she were suddenly disgusted by her own words. "Ah… what am I saying? Of course it wasn't alright! It wasn't alright at all! Fuck!" She rarely used profanity, but it seemed as if she was appalled enough to warrant that sort of language. "This is so messed up!"

"That's what I've been saying!"

We tried to talk through the events of the day and ran over different possibilities and plans long after even the sun had set and the light in the room had grown dim, but in the end nothing was decided. I had no idea what I was going to do and neither did my friend.

Author's Notes: Short chapter today, compared to yesterday but I really wanted to get this one out as well. Thank you so much for the encouragement in your reviews. Keep them coming.