Chapter 19
When Mari was There
"Holla, Judy!"

I looked over my shoulder and spotted Tanti chasing up the road to meet me, followed shortly by Mari and Sheriff. The moment we met, the tiny girl's arms encircled me tightly. The impact nearly toppled me on my crutches and bad foot but I regained my balance and straightened.

"Hi, there Tanti. How are you this morning?"

Her face turned up from where she had it pressed in my stomach and grinned through her split lip.

"I am good!" She announced using the phrase I had taught her a few days ago. Really their English was coming along fairly well these days.

I looked over at Mari and my heart thumped loudly at the sight of her. She was wearing a new dress; bright yellow, the color of butter with a flowery design embroidered around the neck and waistline. She had macramé bracelets covering her wrists and a choker around her throat, no doubt to hide the scars.

A few weeks after their arrival in town the girl had found an interest in sewing and jewelry making. I think it was meant to take her mind off of the past; it also served as a kind of therapy for her, involving creative problem solving, repetitive movements, and beauty. Mrs. Byron had been the one to suggest it, and Mari had taken to the skill very, very well. She was taken under Mrs. Byron's proverbial wing after that and the older woman had been eager to show her whatever she knew.

The girl practiced wherever she could, on her porch, by the horses, in the orchard and gardens. Every time I saw her she was bent over a needle and thread, sewing up whatever new project her teacher had assigned her. It looked as if she was the new seamstress apprentice and really it couldn't have suited her better.

It made me so happy to see her like that, especially since the first few weeks here had… not been good.

There had been several major meltdowns and panic attacks those early days. Mari had somehow gotten hold of a knife at one point and cut one of the men fairly badly. Tanti had rushed to find me the moment she could and I had hobbled into the basement of Eric and Aaron's house to find the girl sobbing loudly and muttering in her native language. The bloodied knife was still in her hands and any time someone approached to calm her down she slashed at them furiously.

Her eyes were wide and seemed to gaze in terror at some villain that hung over her, haunting her mind and poisoning from the inside out.

I didn't know what I could possibly do to get the knife away from her but Tanti had been so insistent about it that I hadn't the heart to turn her away at first. When I actually saw the state Mari was in though, all I wanted was to retreat and let Dad or Michonne handle something this chaotic. They had more experience with trauma after all. But the look on Tanti's face was so desperate that I just couldn't refuse.

So carefully, I tried to coax the older girl out of her hold on the knife.

She had babbled and had even tried to stab me, but I dived for it, rolling around with her on the floor momentarily, my hands locked on her wrists as I tried to keep her from slashing at me. She was just as vicious as I was and ended up slicing a big cut on the side of my torso and even resorted to biting at one point. Finally, I managed to wrestle the weapon out of her grip and pinned her to the floor, stomach down.

She had sobbed then and screamed, repeating the same phrase over and over again.

"¡No otra vez! Por favor, no de nuevo!"

She cried it over and over again, sobbing and weeping like she were about to be tortured. When I looked up again I saw that Tanti was also crying. Somehow the fight and the position her sister was in now had prompted her to curl securely into a ball in the oposite corner while she rocked back and forth, whimpering in the same language as her sister.

When I realized the reason for their terror I immediately scrambled off the older girl, holding my hands up and keeping them where they could be seen at all times, despite the difficulty it was to walk or stay upright with the new inflicted wound on my torso in addition to my bad leg.

The moment she was free, Mari scrambled away, rushing to the opposite end where her sister huddled and she crouched down, holding her securely while the two of them trembled.

I stared at them, trembling myself as I gripped the knife and skittered as far from them as I could. I didn't know why but I wasn't sure I could be so near the two just now. Something told me, approaching them would do none of us any good.

Thankfully Eric and Aaron came in at that moment and settled the air when Tanti got up and immediately rush at one of them. Mari was less persuasive and wouldn't be moved until all the men had left and a woman was coaxing her up. Before getting to their feet though, she had shivered away from Tara's outstretched hand and her eyes met with me as if she were waiting for my approval. It was like our tousle had never even occurred and she was looking towards me for guidance once again, the ghost of her attacker apparently no longer on my face.

Only once I nodded that it was alright, did she move.

As soon as they were taken care of, it was fine to have a look at me. I needed stitches, though the stab wound on my side thankfully wasn't life threatening. However, it did make moving three times harder. Not only was I supported by crutches but I was barely able to move now with them. Dad suggested a wheelchair for when I went out, but I shot that down almost instantly. I wasn't going to be peddled around like I was crippled. I could still walk and I'd use my legs as much as I could. Who knew how long I would have them. In this world, any one could lose a limb or piece of themselves at a moment's notice.

I'd walk wholly for as long as I could, even if it killed me.

After that event, Mari looked at me with a pained, guilty expression. I didn't exactly make it any easier. I was… afraid of her now; afraid that she would be set off somehow and she'd attack again. When I saw Aaron and Eric again, they told me she spent most days in her room and Tara had offered to stay in the house for a while, just to put her a bit more at ease with an adult female presence.

They said it helped.

But any time I saw one of the Waifs I had to duck away. Even if only one of them had wounded me, I didn't think I was able to face any of them just yet.

It was only after Dad had given me a sound lecture for my behavior that I finally realized how cowardly and grudging I had been acting.

Mari had obviously been through something very traumatic. It wasn't her fault that her baser instincts took hold for a moment. She hadn't been of sound mind at the time, and allowing this paranoia to take charge of me and ruin the friendship we had been building was no way to behave.

He was right. He was always right. It was time to make amends.

Later, I walked over to their house and knocked on the door. Tara answered and told me Mari hadn't been feeling very well and was up in her room. There was a small chance she would have liked to see me so it was alright if I went up.

When I opened the door…

A chair was upturned on the floor and her toes dangled in midair. For one insane moment I thought she was hovering. But then I saw the rope and it looked as though the girl had been somehow fashioned into some kind of marionette. I didn't know how to speak. I couldn't breathe. I didn't even think my heart beat.

It was the scariest thing I could ever remember seeing in my life.

"MARI!"

When the strangled shriek left my mouth, it prompted movement from me at last. I righted the chair and jumped up on it, hugging around her chest and elevating her where the noose was no longer constricting her throat.

"TARA!" I screamed struggling to keep the girl from dangling. The woman rushed in and paused only a fraction of a moment before jumping in to help.

We lied her down on the floor where I pressed my ear to her chest to search for a heartbeat. I couldn't hear one. Frantically I turned to Tara. She looked at the girl with a far away expression, like she was looking at something else, the remnants of a memory so awful it froze her where she stood.

"Tara." I hissed shakily with no response. "Tara!"

Her head snapped to me but it didn't seem to really help. She looked lost.

"How do you do CPR?" I asked. The question seemed to terrify her and she hastily switched between Mari to me, uncertain about the question and completely terrified even when I repeated my words. "How do you do CPR?"

She didn't answer, only remained frozen. So tilting Mari's head and placing my hands on her chest, I fell back on all the knowledge I held from watching movies, reading books, and listening to others as they tried to explain the logistics of cardiopulmonary resuscitation.

How did Michonne explain it?

Tilt the head back, close the nose, and give 2 full breaths. Check the pulse. If there is no pulse, or breathing, start CPR.

I pressed my mouth to Mari's and breathed hard twice. Next was chest compressions: How many? Five… or was it seven?

Wing it! I settled on. It's not like I had any other options.

After a minute there was thumping behind us and I felt a new presence enter the room. I didn't let it distract me, though, even if I knew I was doing this wrong.

Someone took the reins from me just then and I was shoved promptly aside as Aaron crouched over the unresponsive girl and took over.

I had no idea how long he kept at it. It could have been minutes or mere seconds for all anyone could tell; several agonizingly long seconds.

And finally, finally just when we believed there was no more use, there was a cough.

Mari's chest heaved and she coughed right there on the floor. With her coughs came and enormous serge of relief that swept all through the room. I could feel fat drops falling from my eyes as I knelt there on the floor, cradling Mari and sobbing over her rasping breaths. Just as I held the girl against me, Aaron cried as well, folding up around us both.

I couldn't even begin to imagine what the ordeal had done to him, but in that moment it was like all of us were one person sharing in the conjoined relief and terror.

All of us except Tara, who was still struggling to escape the state of shock the experience had brought on her.

At that moment, I couldn't even touch on what was going through everyone's minds.

"We'll need to keep a close eye on her for a while." Annie explained that evening. She had been a secretary for a pediatric psychologist back when the world was turning. They'd been able to sedate Mari for the time being while Tanti, Luis and Tara were watching over her as she slept.

Eric, Arron, Michonne and I all gathered round the table as Annie explained the state of Mari's mentality. True, she was only a secretary and not a proper psychologist but she was the closest we had to anyone who might've been able to understand her. They had suggested I leave but I insisted on being present.

"Mari's my friend. I should be able help her and to do that I want to understand her."

No one could think of a reason to make me to leave after that, so I stayed put.

Annie continued. "I'd take special care to keep any and all sharp objects, chemicals, and binding materials away from her while she recovers. Don't leave her alone and it might be best if she's not unaccompanied with the little ones either."

"You think she'd hurt her siblings?" Michonne asked in shock. "I mean they're all she's really got and they're the only ones who've really given her reason to keep fighting in the first place. You can't really think…"

"There's no telling where Mari's mental state is right now. I can't say for sure what all she's endured. She's very young to have suffered so much and feel pushed enough to commit suicide. It's really a miracle she pulled through."

After about an hour of discussing and consulting she left, reminding us about keeping a close eye on her until her emotional and mental state had improved.

Before Michonne could say anything about it I tugged on Aaron's sleeve. "Aaron, Eric… I don't want to impose but would it be alright if… if I stayed here for a while. I just want to make sure that she's okay, but only if you're alright with that."

I didn't think they had the heart to tell me no.

"You can bunk on the couch if that's alright with you."

It was. I only went home for a few minutes to grab some clothes as well as a few other things. When I arrived back at their house, the couch was already set up for me.

"Thanks Eric." I said as I set my bag down in one of the chairs.

"I think I should be thanking you, Judith." Eric said, folding up an extra blanket. "Aaron told me about what happened; about how you found her first and how you just… leapt into action straight away. He also told me that Tara froze up."

I looked away, finding the floorboards incredibly interesting just then. "I still didn't do CPR right."

"No one expected you to do CPR right. No one even expected you to leap in like that, but you did anyways. Mari's alive because you acted." He sunk into the cushions and looked ahead into the dead fireplace. "I think if things were to get bad out there beyond the fence… I could trust you with Aaron's life. I don't say that about a lot of people."

I knew what he was saying with those words, and the weight of them nearly took my breath away. "Are you sure…?"

Then he looked at me with a straight, no nonsense expression. "Fear doesn't shut you down, Judith Grimes; it wakes you up. You don't shrink when things get scary; you jump like there's a fire lit under you. Your dad and brother is the same way. Which is why I know you won't get Aaron killed out there."

"Well I haven't gotten myself killed out there, so…" I trailed off, my eyes glancing up at the ceiling where the Waifs were sleeping together and we could hear Tara and Aaron talking. The volume of their discussion was muffled through the boards of the house, but we could still hear the franticness in Aaron's voice as he rounded on Tara for her negligence that day. Tara didn't seem to be able to put up much of a fight, since the majority of the conversation was made in the latter's voice

"He shouldn't be so hard on her." I uttered. "No one expected Mari to try something like that. I mean… I'm partial to blame. When things got rough… I mean, I should have expected the transition to be hard on them, but she has one fit and I just…"

"She stabbed you, Judith. It's not as if you expected it. It's just… human to be wary of her after something like that."

I looked up distantly, a sort of defeated exhaustion ran through me, leaving me almost numb as I sunk into the cushions of the chair. "What is human these days? I feel like it's neither a compliment nor an excuse. I should be better than human."

"We all should." His hand slapped over his eyes just then and a sob escaped him. "I'm sorry. I just… when they first got here… I just don't want them hurting anymore. I don't want to lose my little girl. I'd just like things to work out for once."

"You… you really think of them as your kids? Even though… you're not related by blood? And they've only been here a while..."

His hand pinched the bridge of his nose and he looked away, probably trying to conceal the water gathering in his eyes. "Aaron and I wanted kids a few years after we got together and we talked about it so much, but it's not like either of us can get pregnant here. We didn't think we'd ever get the chance to be real dads, but when you came back with those three it was just… they didn't have anything or anyone and we… we knew the risks and tried to be prepared for whatever came our way but we still didn't see it coming and I just… I just want these kids to be alright. I want them to be safe and happy already. I don't want them to be hurt ever again but I'm worried we won't be able to do that. Is it so much to ask for a little happiness for a couple of broken children? Is that too much to ask?"

He sniffed and wiped at his face, still trying to keep it turned so I wouldn't see what a mess he was turning into. I got up and went to sit next to him, resting my hand on his shoulder. He looked back at me and when he realized I wasn't judging him or being condescending he leaned forward to embrace me.

"Sometimes it's so weird to know how young you are, Judith Grimes." With that I felt him fall apart in my arms; relenting all self control at last. "Thank you for your help through all this. Thank you so much for everything!"

I sniffed as well, trying not to cry too much since he was struggling with that same thing. "It's okay. I just want to do my part for them."

"You do so much for us. Thank you."

We turned when we heard footsteps coming down the stairs and Tara was rushing to the door, hiding her face as she opened it silently and left. Aaron was close behind her, eyes like fire on her back as she left the house.

"It wasn't her fault," I tried to explain. "She was just… in shock."

"I don't care what she was." Aaron said in an uncharacteristically cold tone. "She shouldn't be around kids if she's not ready to handle things this big."

"She wasn't… it's not…"

"STOP TRYING TO DEFEND HER!" Aaron snapped, yelling at both of us. "These are our kids damn it! You don't get to shut down around our kids!" I watched his face transform as he said those words. He seemed to realize his tone just then and worked to reel it in. "I'm sorry I just… I'm tired okay. I'm going to bed. I'll keep an eye on Mari tonight."

"Alright." Eric said after his back before turning to me. "Do you need anything?"

"No, I'll be fine."

"Thanks again for staying over. It really helps."

I nodded and waited for him to leave before changing into my pajamas. When I heard the ceiling creak above me indicating that Eric had climbed into bed, I got out my supplies.

Vanessa's Book of Shadows had countless spells for spiritual, mental, and emotional protection and healing, not to mention ways to fixing depression, dealing with trauma and even a difficult spell to forget things a person didn't want to remember. All of these would be very useful towards the journey of recovery for everyone. Honestly why didn't I think of this before?

"And you call yourself a witch, Judith." I muttered to myself in disappointment.

I couldn't do them all tonight. That was bad form. Spells worked best if you staggered them over the course of a few days. I could start with the simpler ones tonight and move on to the more advanced ones gradually. The spells would be done in threes in a course of three days.

Three seemed to be a heavily magical number and very sacred with magic, or so Vanessa and the books I had read from had instructed me on. But it wasn't just with witches either. Countless cultures and beliefs hold the number three as a prominent role in myth, legend, and the mystery traditions. It's seen all through history and folklore. Three bears, three brothers, three curses, three tries, three, three, three.

So, like the ancients, I too would perform my magic in a sequential trilogy as well.

Tonight would be the healing from the inside out spell, the spell to end heartbreak, and a protection spell for loved ones. Tomorrow I'd work on the erasing harmful memories spell, a peace of mind spell, and a spell to relieve anxiety. And the last night would be used towards an ending depression spell, an adapting to change spell, and finally a happiness spell.

I was a bit concerned about the last one as well as the forgetting spell. Those two relied heavily on the recipient in question and they tended to only actually work if said receiver wanted them to work.

I'd have to talk to Mari and her siblings to be sure they were ready to move forward and if I could get their confirmation the spells would have a higher success chance.

Well couldn't do anything about it tonight, but I could at least get the first three squared away. I rolled up my sleeves and got to work. From my bag I pulled out a mirror and three candles carved into two girl shaped doll sort of figures and a little boy shaped figure. With a pen tip I carved in Mari, Tanti, and Luis's names on their respective candle, placing them side by side each other on the mirror. Earlier that day I'd anointed them in mint oil as the spell had instructed.

With them unlit on the mirror I clasped my hands in prayer and imagined a sacred healing energy in the form of white light, flowing from my fingers into the candle. Out loud I uttered, "In the divine name of the Universe who breathes life into us all, I consecrate and charge these candle as magical tools for healing."

With that I lit the candles and concentrated on the Waifs, willing them to be healthy as the candles burned down. The flames flickered as I chanted three more times, "Magick mend and candles burn, Sickness end and good health return."

I stayed like that, visualizing the children living and growing up healthy. It took so long for them to burn but I knew patience was necessary. Vanessa had stressed and stressed the importance of patience in the craft, but this was practically killing me! Every time I thought I might get up to start the next spell I somehow managed to talk myself out of it, conscious that if I didn't give my whole heart into this spell it just might not work the way I visualized simply because I was impatient.

It was agony but I remained in my place, watching the candles burn and melt in front of me. I think it might have even taken hours by the time they finally, finally burned out. At least I had the good sense to keep the candles small.

Now I could start on the heartbreak spell before I groaned. This involved more candles.

I sighed in defeat, figuratively rolling up my sleeves. "Alrighty, might as well get to it."

It was more chanting and more waiting around for the candles to burn away. This time though, I had to burn up some feathers and just to be safe I chose to perform this one in the hearth. I've had accidents with fire before and I sure as hell didn't need another lecture from anyone telling me the dangers about an open flame. Vanessa, Dad, Michonne, and my old friend John could never stress it enough.

By the end of this spell I was yawning and eager to get to bed. But I still had the protection spell to do. Well they weren't so much spells as they were cleansing rituals for a few medicine bags for the Waifs. The thing with medicine bags was that once made they couldn't be opened again, otherwise all the magic would be let loose, and if I knew little kids, they were very curious. So, I had a few things to at least conceal the bags in.

There was a little bumblebee doll for Tanti and a light-up glowbug for Luis. For Mari, I decided a stuffed animal probably wouldn't do much good since she was about grown out of those kinds of toys. Instead I got her a beaded purse I had scavenged from an old house outside of town. It was pretty with a big monarch butterfly on the front and seemed just the kind of thing that would suit her perfectly.

I was able to cut a fair-sized hole in the backs of the toys and stuff the bags in from there, sewing up the holes with a needle and strong fishing string. It was disappointing to admit that my sewing skills were not very good, but they didn't need to be pretty they just had to work. With the purse, I cut a hole in the lining and hid the bag as best it would fit without bulging too much beneath the fabric. Again, it wasn't very neat but I did the best I could and it would just have to work.

The medicine bags I had filled with a different protection stone for each of them, a dried flower, a seashell, a feather, and an individual trinket for each: a thimble for Mari, a hairclip for Tanti, and a dinosaur toy for Luis. As I filled the bags I chanted:

"Blessed be the elements of earth, air, fire, and water!
Blessed be the fire element
Blessed be the earth element
Blessed be the water element
Blessed be the air element
And blessed be the element of life for which I recognize with this symbol
Shower this love with protection and divine energy
So be it! Blessed be!"

It took about another hour of filling the bags and stitching up the holes in the toys and purse before I was finally, finally finished for the evening.

With the work through, I put everything away in my knapsack and returned the living room to how it was before the work. Yawning again, I curled up on the couch and was asleep in a matter of moments.

Author's Notes: There's another part to this chapter, but it got to be so long that I ended up having to split it. I'll probably post the rest tomorrow. In the mean time there wasn't a whole lot a of Negan and the Saviors in this chapter. Just a little down time for Judith to work some spells and help the Waifs adjust to the town and all.

I like to imagine that Judith is pretty hard on people, sort of like a tough loving kind of person, but there are occasions when she can be really sweet to the people she cares about. Plus, since she was the one to find the three children, there's a great deal of responsibility she feels for them. Sort of like the child who takes in a stray animal and is mindful that any mess it makes is her responsibility to handle.

On an additional note, I have a small confession to make; For a long time I've been neglecting to watch the rest of season 7 of the Walking Dead. I remember watching up to the mid season finale and was extremely hesitant about watching the rest because I wasn't sure how it would affect the direction I wanted to take the story in. About a week ago I finally worked up the nerve to watch the rest of it. I must admit I may change a few things in later chapters, but ultimately I don't believe the plot is going to be too deeply changed by it. I wanted to keep in mind that there was a plan I had no matter what and I intend to follow through as best I am able to.

I mentioned before that I wanted to write a few spin-off drabbles for this story. Maybe just some misadventures Judith has had in the forest a few times before, dangers she's encountered, and some quiet, fluffy moments with her family. If anyone has writing prompts of their own I'd love to hear them. I've also got some art I plan to post on my Deviant account in a few days. If that's something you guys think you'd like to see just let me know.

Alrighty, so I guess I'll go ahead and close by saying, Thank you everyone for your encouraging reviews! It really means a lot to read those comments and if you have the chance please keep them coming!