Chapter 26
The Girl Who Lived
I woke on my stomach, my face pressed into the pillow which was damp from the puddle of drool trailing from my mouth. I was drained and in pain, especially on my back where it felt as though I had been lashed with a whip fifty or so times. My mouth was dry as flour with my tong a useless wad of dough, trying fruitlessly to wet it with saliva.

I knew I was dehydrated and in need of something wet to relieve this horrible dryness as soon as I could get it. I tried to sit up, thinking that maybe there was water somewhere but it hurt near too much to bear and I fell back down before I'd lifted up too far. With nothing left I decided to focus on my surroundings, limiting my movement the best I could. I saw a side table and recognized the white walls of the infirmary. There were also things on the table—colorful things. I squinted and saw an array of cards, flowers and little boxes wrapped in bows or stuffed in gift bags.

My curiosity won out over the pain and I glanced around at this strange sight in utter astonishment. There were more on the other table and at the foot of the bed. "What is all this?"

"Just some get-well presents from your friends and admirers." I looked over my shoulder to find Michonne coming in the room at that time, crossing the distance rapidly when she saw me move. Gently, she pushed me back into the softness of the bed. "You need to keep your movement limited. You were mauled pretty badly."

Despite her words, I wanted to see if I could turn over at the least. My back was still sore, but much better from a few days ago. I made it to my back successfully and sat up, finding a better view at the new angle.

"Is there some water anywhere?"

Michonne produced a glass a moment later. The water was so sweet but Michonne insisted I take it slow so I wouldn't get sick.

"How long have I been here?"

"A few days." She said simply. "You've been running a pretty severe fever and have gone in and out of consciousness quite a lot. I relieved your dad about four hours ago to let him get some rest. He's refused to leave your side till now."

My eyes turned to the numerous cards and flowers crowding the tables. "Why do I have admirers?"

Michonne only smiled. "It's not every ten-year old who can best a full-grown bear and live to tell the tale then still insist on bringing it back to feed your family. I guess your strength might have inspired some people."

"That's dumb." I declared in a huff. "I don't do anything a regular adult doesn't do every day."

"Don't do that, Judith." She said sharply. "Don't sell yourself short. You do much more than anyone expects you to do while you're still only a child, and you've been doing it for years right under everyone's nose. You don't have to refuse help or be so modest all the time. You can accept gifts, too."

I leaned into the pillows, glumly. "I guess I just… I don't want to be selfish, is all."

"No one could ever say you were ever that." She said, gazing at me softly.

Guilt tore at my gut by her words and my mind went to all the secret, selfish things I kept hidden from everyone. The island, practicing wicca, my friend John, my teacher Vanessa and the strange power I had over the walkers.

At the thought of my power my memory clicked and I recalled just then that Aaron had seen it. He'd witnessed it first hand in its full potential as I led our horse and cart through that mob of flesh eaters. There was no doubt that he was probably telling my dad about it right now if he hadn't already. In a few hours, the town would know everything and I'd be exposed to all of it. They'd all probably scramble to get these presents back when they learned the extent of my betrayal.

I lifted up on my elbows in worry. "Did—did A-Aaron tell everyone what happened?"

"He said that you two were attacked by a bear, that it mauled you before you managed to kill it and that you refused to come back home and have the wound properly looked at before you got it onto the cart. Your Dad is going to be giving you a mouthful for that."

She said nothing about the walkers, so maybe Aaron hadn't gotten around to telling them after all. "Why aren't you giving me a mouthful?" I asked curiously. "Do you think it was stupid to not come back right away?"

Her face remained entirely stoic as she looked back at me. "I think you were doing what you believed was right. You had everyone's best interest in mind, but clearly you're quite careless when concerning your own wellbeing." Then her expression changed into something exasperated. "Honestly, Judith, you need to take better care of yourself. Stop undervaluing your life. Your death or pain holds no value to anyone. And if you push yourself too much you're going to not just kill yourself but you'll kill your dad as well. Is that what you want?"

"No." I said, grabbing a pillow and hugging it tight to me. Her words hit close to home because I knew without a doubt that me dying would be among one of the most painful things my father would ever endure and I just couldn't do that to him.

She leaned forward and brushed back my hair, trying to be a bit gentler this time. "Then start exercising some caution for a change. Your life is much more valuable than your death."

I sighed by those words. As much as I disliked it, she had a point. I was careless and someday it was going to get more than just me in trouble. What was I going to do?

"So… what did the Saviors take this time?" I asked, vaguely remembering entering the gate and hearing the voices of several of that vulture group standing around as they carried me to the infirmary.

Michonne glared. "The usual: food, supplies, dignity."

"Oh, we've still got at least one of those." I said, trying to lighten the mood a bit.

She smiled slightly by my small joke. Then I grew serious again.

"Did they take the deer and bear?"

"Your dad insisted they could only take one of them. Half is what we pay them so half is what they get."

"So, was Negan here?" It felt a bit exposing if I were to find out he'd seen me at my frailest. I only wanted him to see me strong. Showing weaknesses around him destroyed whatever strength I tried to maintain in his eyes. I did not want my enemies to see me vulnerable ever!

"No. I'm afraid he was absent for your most vulnerable moment."

"Good."

"They did take the bear, though." Michonne confirmed grimly.

I was quiet for a while, emotions rolling through me by the news. Then I made her jump.

"Well jokes on them then!" I chuckled smugly, trying to cheer her up. "Bear meat tastes like whatever it was eating and I'm pretty sure most of that thing's diet was dead people."

Michonne smirked. "Yep. This time of year, if that thing doesn't taste like rot, it'll taste like fish and rot."

"Plus, it had more fat than meat on it, anyways." I announced punching the air triumphantly. "I'd take a sole vegetarian over a questionable omnivore any day. So, suck it, Saviors!"

Michonne nodded, pleased to see my energy returning. "Still… the hide was very beautiful. We could have at least gotten a handsome blanket from it."

"I guess… but the buck has a nice hide, too. Just not as soft." I was a little disappointed. It would have been a cool souvenir to keep. Only ten years old and I already brought down my first bear.

She seemed to know what I was thinking and smiled. "Won't that be a story for the grandchildren someday?"

"No grandchildren for me." I announced boldly. "I'm going to stay young forever and fight monsters and bears and outlaws for my whole life and let my hair flow in the breeze as I launch throwing knives into the sunset!"

She laughed. "Well you can always do both."

The door opened just then and Carl and Enid walked in.

"Oh, thank goodness," He breathed at the sight of my living form. "You're alive."

"I guess." I shrugged, throwing my arm over my eyes dramatically. "Can't really be dead if you're wracked with superlative agony."

"I feel like that's an oxymoron."

"You're a moron!" I said teasingly.

"Your face is a moron!"

"Your brain is a moron!"

"You both are morons!" Enid intervened. We all laughed and the two of them took a seat on the remaining chairs in the room.

"So, are you going to open your presents or what?" Carl asked, eyeing the gifts around the room.

I felt a bit uneasy about it. "Well… I was sort of… waiting."

"For what?" Carl asked skeptically.

"Um…" I couldn't think of an appropriate answer. "…Christmas?"

"Come on. Open them."

"Later alright." I decided finally.

He looked like he wanted to persist but closed his mouth with it. "Alright. Your presents, your choice."

In all honesty, I wanted to wait until after the news bomb was dropped. If they wanted to take their gifts back after they heard, it was only decent to let them.

"So… how's everyone doing?" I asked awkwardly.

"Well, better than you." Enid said.

"Did… did dad say anything about it."

They exchanged a quick glance. "Well… your dad was pretty worried." Enid disclosed.

"Understatement." Carl announced. "He was straight up pissed. That asshole Simon made everything worse, like he always does. Took me and Rosita to keep Aaron from tackling that sack of rubber dicks to the ground. Can't remember why we stopped him."

"Language." Michonne lectured.

"Mom, I'm twenty." Carl pointed out.

"And Judith is ten."

"Oh, please. I've heard names worse than that from Bianca Swan. I think names worse than that for Negan all the time."

Enid perked with amusement. "Oh yeah, like what?"

"No."

Despite Michonne's insistence I was already elaborating. "Well… the first time I ever talked with him I called him a uh…"

"A what?"

"…An ignorant, uneducated, self-assured, ass-butt."

The room became very quiet. Then everyone burst into laughter at the same time.

"No, you didn't." Carl said.

"I did."

"Ass-butt? Seriously?"

"Come on. You gotta be pulling our legs."

"Honest, I did. I really said that. And you know I'd say something like that, anyways."

"Well what did he do?"

I huffed indignantly. The memory of it still grated on my nerves. "He laughed at me. He thought I was being cute. I am never cute. You know I'm never cute. Tell me I'm never cute."

"You are never cute." They all said together.

"Exactly! I am never cute."

They said nothing but nodded in agreement and there was the horrible sensation that told me they were only humoring me. They all thought I was being cute right now, and it was worse than Negan saying it, because it meant… they didn't really respect me. Maybe that was my real mission in all this. Maybe my selfless crusade was in some way just me selfishly trying to earn their respect. Was that it?

We talked some more, the four of us, till Michonne decided it was best to find Dad and let him know I was awake and lucid. She only waited so long to give him a bit more time to sleep and rest. No doubt he would be back shortly but just as she was going out, Aaron came in.

I looked at him and my heartbeat quickened. Our eyes locked and I knew what he was thinking with that single look. He walked in and came up to the bed, speaking as a friend.

"Hey, it's good to see you're awake. How do you feel?"

"Better. Much better. I've had some more bark tea and it's helped a little."

He nodded but then turned to Enid and Carl. "Guys, would it be okay if I talked with Judith alone for a minute?"

They didn't seem to think much of it. He was my hunting partner so they predicted he probably wanted to go over what happened out there concerning my wound. They weren't wrong but they weren't entirely right either. Aaron waited till the door had closed before dropping into a seat and leaning towards me, speaking low and carefully as if he expected spies to overhear us.

"Okay I've been holding this in for three days and now that I can finally get it out... WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED BACK THERE?!"

His reaction was just as I expected but I was still nervous by his sharpness. "Okay, I-I can s-see you're a bit… surprised."

"Surprised? Oh, sure you can call it surprise—if it's a birthday party!" He hissed in disbelief. "Surprise is an understatement. I am beyond surprised, Judith. What you did went beyond anything anyone has ever seen since this dystopia began. How the fuck did you do that?"

I looked down at my hands. "I—I don't know how or why it happens; why I can do this. I don't understand any more than you. They just… don't like me."

There was an unbearable moment of silence.

"I told your father." He announced immediately. With his confirmation, a solid rock dropped in my stomach and I panicked inwardly. On the outside, I tried to make it look like I was holding it together.

"And did… did you tell anyone else?"

"We talked it over and as far as I know it's just the two of us who knows." Then he leaned forward and his face was filled with urgency. "We want to keep this as secret as we possibly can. Whatever you can do, Judith, it's what everyone wants and you know what people will do to get what they want."

"Of course I do." I responded, my mind going to the Wolves and the Saviors. "Why do you think I kept it secret from everyone for so long?"

His expression remained stoic. "Your father is going to come in and talk to you. I'm not sure if he totally believes me so he'll probably question you."

"Are you worried about what I'll say?"

"No." He said after a moment to consider, but I wasn't sure if he was being honest.

"What was his reaction when you told him?"

His mouth opened to respond but before he could answer the door opened and my dad walked in. He sighed in relief the moment his eyes fell on me and he immediately crossed the room to embrace me carefully.

"Thank goodness you're alright," he said.

"Yeah… I'm okay."

I felt his arms stiffen and his voice dropped as he leaned back to look at me. His face betrayed utter disappointment. "Aaron told me everything."

I looked between Aaron and my dad for more answers, but they had fewer than I did. Even while he knew the truth now, he still wanted me to verify the story that Aaron had told him while we were coming back. The deer and bear were easy to tell but when I reached the part with the walker herd I hesitated and my voice became shaky and stuttered.

Finally, finally it was done. What I'd been fearing for the better part of three years was finally brought to light before him.

He sat very still on the edge of my bed for a long moment before he moved. My stomach clenched as I prepared for his words. "Why didn't you tell us, Judith?"

I had to look away from his piercing blue eyes. They looked at me as if looking into my very soul. There were a lot of reasons why I never told them, but for some unknown explanation my discomfort and trepidation was so profound that I couldn't remember any of them in his presence. "I-I don't know."

He couldn't help the hurt that crossed his face and that expression seemed far worse than if he'd been furious with me. "I'm very disappointed in you, Judith. After Tobin takes a look at you and once you can walk again, you and I are going to need to have a serious talk, and then we're taking you to the Hilltop."

"Why? What for?" My heart leapt in my throat at the mention of it and my eyes watered fearfully. "You're… you're not sending me away, are you?"

"No, of course not. We want their doctor to have a look at you. Maybe there's a way we can find out why you're like this."

I was quiet by that for a long painful moment as I gazed down at my hands regretfully. "D—do you think there's something wrong with me, Dad?"

"No." He told me, "I hope there isn't at least. But maybe there's something wrong with the rest of us."

I couldn't offer up any argument that would have convinced him otherwise. It didn't feel wise to even try. I had hidden and lied to him consistently for over three years and I knew he was only exercising so much patience already because I was his child. Then again, maybe that was reason enough to be harder on me.

Author's Notes: I'm very glad people are apparently enjoying this story. It's very comforting to know how eager you all are for the next chapter as soon as possible and I appreciate the time you take to write something down. It'd be even more encouraging if I was able to know what you liked about it, where you think I could improve, and why you think that. I want to keep giving you guys great chapters and if there's anything you guys want to discuss or suggest I am opened to your input.