Chapter 32
Where the Wild Things Are
I lied out on a cot in the infirmary, with Dad propped up on the opposite of me. Tobin looked over Dad while (to my disappointment) Lizzie examined me. She was the new infirmary apprentice and had just started her tutoring a few days after her graduation from standard school.

And I was her reluctant first patient.

"Jeez," she commented, picking out whatever glass shards I had missed from my foot with tweezers. "I thought they fixed you up at the very least."

"Don't insult me!" I snapped at her with my arms folded over my chest stubbornly. "I'd never consciously accept their help."

"So, you'd rather just walk around with glass in your foot like this?"

"Better than being in their debt."

She huffed at my logic, obviously believing she knew better. "See, this is why you get into trouble, Judith," the older girl announced in that annoyingly haughty tone of hers. She was perfectly prepared for a lecture she must have been dying to give me. "Why do you always have to be so…"

"Shut your yap and patch me up!" I ordered angrily, before she could even warm up. "If I want commentary for anything I get it from the radio. Your job is to fix me, not give your opinion about my job!"

"Judith!" Dad said angrily. Even despite the pain throbbing in his head he was still conscious enough to reprimand my behavior. "That's enough out of you! You've done nothing but cause trouble for the last few days and I've had it. When we get home, we're having a serious talk."

My patience finally snapped at that point. I was so mad about everything that as much as I tried, I couldn't stop the sea of words that came out of my mouth.

"Oh gee, honey." I began in a voice that was supposed to imitate my father's. "It's so good to see you're alive and not dead. I was really worried about you. If I'd gotten off my ass a bit sooner, I'm pretty sure I would have been ready to save you if only Negan hadn't beaten me to it."

The room went very quiet while the words took their time to hit my father.

"What did you just say?!"

Just then Tobin and Lizzie exchanged glances. "You know what? I think I need to go see if I can find you some more gauze. Lizzie, why don't you come along?"

The two of them awkwardly left the infirmary and the moment the door was closed behind them Dad and I were yelling at each other.

"What the hell is wrong with you?!"

"What the hell is wrong with me?" I repeated furiously. "What the hell is wrong with you?!"

"You marched off into the forest without any sense! Just like you always do! Did you even think for one moment—"

"I do nothing but think, Dad! I think about everything and never get a moment's peace! And are you really trying to say that getting kidnapped was my fault!"

"I have told you repeatedly to STAY IN TOWN! BUT DO YOU LISTEN?"

"You told me that the situation with the Wolves had been resolved, but it sort of looks like it hasn't. We hadn't seen a trace of them for weeks!"

"That doesn't mean they've gone away! And I tell you again and again to take someone with you!"

"What does that matter? I've been out there on my own more times than anyone else! And that's not even the point! The point is that if I couldn't save myself YOU should have saved me! NOT NEGAN!"

His mouth snapped closed as he tried to formulate a comeback, but I wouldn't give him the chance.

"I know you're disappointed in me, but not nearly as disappointed as I am in you! You asked what was wrong with me, but what the hell is wrong with you?!" I rounded on him. "You made it look like we needed them, Dad; that we could ever need them! But we don't. We don't need them to do anything for us! We fight our own wars even without goddamned guns! Our community is stronger than them in every way! We've suffered through more and overcome more and we'll keep on coming back more and more! You just won't give us the chance and now that we actually have that chance—we have the best chance anyone will ever have—and you're not even going to use it! You let Negan scare you in the woods ONE TIME and it fucking neutered you!"

"ENOUGH!" I barely realized he'd moved until my face snapped to the side with a resounding CRACK. I palmed the place he had struck and looked back at him, angry but silent while he went on in a voice that seemed to tremble. "God damn it, Judith. You don't know what you're talking about!"

"Stop saying that! I'm sick of everyone matching my intelligence with my age! I'm not dumb and I'm not a child already!"

"Yes, you are!" He fired back pausing suddenly to cough.

"NO, I'M NOT!"

"You sure as hell act like it! I'm tired of having to tell you over and over again to do as you're told but you obviously don't listen to anyone but yourself! So, if you—" He trailed off as a coughing fit suddenly hit him.

"So, if I what?!" I demanded furiously, unmoved by his sudden coughing.

He tried to speak but spasmed, covering his mouth as he coughed. When his hand drew away there was blood covering his mouth. My heart leapt in my throat as I immediately forgot about our fight.

"Crap! Crap! Crap!" I said, hobbling over to support him while he coughed more and collapsed against me. "Tobin! Tobin! Get in here!"

"Internal bleeding." Tobin announced. After getting Dad to settle down in bed, Tobin had the chance to look him over. "I think he needs surgery."

"You think?" Michonne repeated in outrage.

"I'm not a real doctor! I never went to med school. I'm doing the best I can."

"And yet you are trying to teach Suzie McFly how to be a doctor when you don't even know how to be one yourself!" I snapped at him.

"Again," Tobin said carefully. "I am not a doctor! I'm a medic consult!"

"Which is a doctor!" I said angrily.

"The point is Rick needs surgery."

"So, we have to get him to Hilltop. Dr. Carson needs to do the surgery." Michonne realized.

"That would be the best thing, yes."

"Will he survive the journey?" I asked in concern. "It's pretty far, and we only have horses and wagons now with the gas all gone!"

"There's no other options. We'll have to make him as comfortable as possible and set out straight away."

It took only five minutes to get ready. I had to settle with a pair of worn-out heely sneakers that were two sizes too big for me and were hand-me-downs from one of the other kids in town. The wheels had gone missing years ago but I didn't suppose I was planning on rolling around with them all that much to begin with. The laces were braids of yarn and the soles were worn and imprinted with the old owner's foot shape. They felt like duck feet on me but it was all that was available and the best we could do on such short notice. The extended size would at least help with my healing foot.

Maybe I'd be able to find some new boots once we got out, though it wouldn't be our first priority. The most important thing was to get Dad to Dr. Carson. Everything else came second to that.

Returning with some necessities, I found Michonne, Carl, Rosita and Aaron getting Dad onto a wagon with two of our fastest horses to tow it.

Limping, I climbed in the cart next to Dad to monitor him while everyone else road on horses. And like that we were on our way.

It was a good thing we took the cart with the bicycle wheels. By way it was smaller, but it was also smoother, reducing bumps that lit up his wounds more than they needed to be. There were only a few herds on the way and thankfully they were small, allowing Michonne and Aaron to make quick work of them before we lost too much time.

I suppose under less dire circumstances we made good time, but it still took hours and Dad got worse before he got better by the time we made it to Hilltop. He was spitting up blood and every time I wiped it from his mouth I had to bite back a wash of disgust for myself.

If I had been a little less arrogant and sickeningly proud, this wouldn't be happening to him. If I'd done more thinking and less shouting and attacking and storming off, Dad wouldn't have been suffering this much. Though, I'd be a total idiot to believe it was entirely my fault. It was just… the wrong tempers mixed together that did this-and Negan! It was always Negan's fault! If I could be sure about anything it was that the core of most our problems revolved around that thug.

When we finally made it to Hilltop, Doctor Carson didn't so much as pause or slow down.

Dad was carefully moved to the part of the mansion where the more severe traumas were operated on. While he and his assistants got to work, the rest of us were forced to wait until he was done, and it was a long tedious wait.

I leaned in a large cushioned chair in one of the many sitting rooms of the mansion while we waited anxiously. Maggie stood not far off with Hershel bouncing on her lap, sometimes offering reassuring words but not too many. We had learned long ago not to hope too hard for good news and to brace for the worst.

My head buzzed and throbbed, still recovering from the concussion subjected when I had been caught in that trap. Someone had given me pain killers for it earlier and it was a while before I felt any relief from them. By the time there was news about Dad I was being shaken awake, not even realizing I had dozed off.

Instead of Doctor Carson (whom I expected would give word about Dad's condition the moment he was able to), it was Michonne who was standing over me, talking gently. It was dark outside and I was no longer in the chair, but spread out on the sofa while a blanket had been thrown over me.

"What is it?" I snapped up, wiping the sleep from my eyes. "What happened? Is Dad alright?"

"Your dad is fine. He's been fine for a few hours, now." She said.

"A few hours?" I was betrayed. "Why did you wait to tell me? Why didn't you wake me up right away?"

"You needed some time to rest. You've been through a lot the past few days."

"I'm fine. How's Dad? I want to see him."

"He's resting right now."

I wanted to immediately go to him after those words, but the look Michonne gave me just then made me pause. It was so serious-so deadly stern. She only pulled an expression like that when she was about to convey the most crucial words we would hear.

"Judith, do you want help your father?"

The question took me aback.

"Of course, I do."

"And can you really divert whole herds?"

After years of obsessively hiding that information it felt so exposing to confirm those words. "…Yes. I can. They don't ever come near me. They don't ever hurt me."

The words seemed to bring her to some odd decision just then. "Alright then. We've got a bit of… scavenging we're going to be doing today. Are you up for it?"

"Yes." I announced quickly, hopping out of bed (too quickly apparently, since my mind fogged with head rush) and I reached for my shoes and cloak and followed her out.

When the cool night air greeted us outside I saw just the smallest bit of color on the horizon and realized dawn was not too far off. Apparently, they had all let me sleep the day away and the rest of the night with that. I didn't care though and found that Carl was waiting for us by two horses that were already saddled and ready to go for us.

I paused at the sight of him, unsure if Michonne had told him or not.

"We're going far today. Farther than we've ever gone." She confirmed, hoisting onto her animal and pulling me up to ride behind her.

"So, a family outing today?" I noted amusingly. "When was the last time we had one of these?"

"I can't even remember." Carl said, kicking his animal through the gates as they opened for us. His tone seemed uncharacteristically cold somehow. When he averted his eyes from meeting mine, I knew right then and there, that he knew the truth now.

I didn't have to be a mind reader to notice the waves of hurt and resentment emanating from him. There was no way I would be able to wrench the proverbial knife out of his back. My betrayal of his trust went deep. His own girlfriend knew the truth long before even him and it took another week after our parents found out, before he was finally made aware of what was happening in his own family; and after all that it hadn't even come from me.

We weren't really close, but I guess I could understand how he felt.

It was a sibling thing.

It was noon by the time we finally found out where we were headed. Between Hilltop and where that was, we had made only a few short stops along the way and ate only a small bit of rations Michonne had been granted by Maggie and Jesus before leaving.

My legs were sore and it turned out to be an unsurpassed joy to be allowed to stretch whenever we stopped for a bit.

Michonne brought our attentions just then to the land we would be looting today and my eyes widened at the sight of the vast city.

"Washington?" Carl breathed, taking in the glory of the once capitol of the United States.

I had been here only once around three years ago with my friend John, during the dead of winter when bodies were few and lethargic thanks to the frozen air. Now in the peak of summer, these creatures looked to be everywhere; active and hungry.

"We're going deep in there today." Michonne announced. "Judith, I want you to take point and drive any who approach away from us. Carl and I can take out any stragglers."

My eyes went big and I look at her like she had just handed me a treasure map that only I can read. I felt my face split into a beaming grin and I moved to do exactly what she told me. Despite his bitterness towards my deception, Carl looked a bit uneasy at the idea; his big brother protective instincts kicking in with that plan.

"Mom, are you sure that's a good idea?"

"She'll be fine. She knows how to handle herself." Michonne affirmed.

"Yes, I can! I can handle myself!" I was so overjoyed to be given this enormous responsibility that I was eager to say anything that would aid in easing whatever doubts they held.

Carl and Michonne both mounted the horses while I led them forward. This would be the first time anyone, apart from Aaron and Enid, would witness first-hand what I could do.

The first few walkers came forward as we were entering the outskirts, alerted by the whinnies and hoof beats of the horses. They started forward and I could feel both Michonne and Carl prepare to take them on if it became necessary.

Once the walkers caught sight of me though, they paused as usual before ambling away disinterestedly.

Michonne and Carl both breathed a sigh of relief and astonishment at the sight of it.

"So, it really is true." Carl murmured.

I cast them a proud sideways glance, elated to be wisely utilized now, but neither of them were smiling as they stared back at me. They were looking at me as if… afraid. My smile dropped and I faced forward with that. What was going through their heads? What did they think of me now?

We met more walkers as we progressed, most in herds reaching up to hundreds it seemed. I could easily understand why no one wanted to brave the cities with so many of these things populating them but at the sight of me, they all avoided us and we made our way leisurely through the streets to the less inhabited areas. From pictures left inside book and numerous movies, I had a fairly decent idea of how a big city like this was supposed to look, smooth and sleek and well-kept, with entire buildings made of shimmering glass, crowded streets full of loud traffic and pedestrians, and stores stocked with goods. Now it was quiet and overrun with life and death alike.

As odd as it was, it was somehow… beautiful. With no one to tame them, the gardens and yards that had been so carefully and obsessively kept when people had lived in them had grown over and smashed their way through the pavement. Now that there were no humans to hold dominion over them, the plants and wildlife had claimed the city for themselves. It had somehow become a strange wild jungle.

Many of the buildings within the outskirts of the city had been obviously looted, which meant we needed to go much deeper if we didn't want this trip to be for nothing. Of course deeper meant more walkers, but with me leading the way, they were easily warded off.

Eventually, we came to an Ace Hardware and a Walgreens that looked to be in fair condition. Carl and Michonne both dismounted. At Michonne's instruction, she positioned me between our horses and any approaching walkers that ambled our way as she and Carl forced the locked sliding doors opened. When there was a gap big enough for them to squeeze through, she turned to me.

"Alright, Judith. Me and Carl will go in, I need you to stay here and watch the horses. We'll be right back."

I frowned by this while they headed inside with no further word or explanation about it.

"Now I have a very important mission for you, Judith. I need you to stay here and guard the car while we go into danger and find treasure without you." I muttered in a voice that was supposed to sound like my elder, feeling discarded. Even so, I took a seat on the pavement and kept a look out as ordered.

About ten minutes passed before they finally emerged with four carts in tow filled to the brim with items like toiletries and medicine. There was blood on Michonne's sword so the store must not have been as empty as expected.

We took turns loading the supplies onto the small wagon we brought along while one of us always remained alert for approaching walkers. If there were only a few of them at a time, Michonne and Carl took turns hacking away at them. If there were a lot, I stood in front and warded them away. With that system, our search continued. We went through homes, apartment buildings, and old businesses.

The single memory I had of visiting this city, swam in my mind as I took it all in, reminded constantly of my old friend and teacher. Two years and I could still feel the sting of his abandonment.

I missed him.

We searched countless buildings with me being the one that normally had to stay outside and watch our horses to be sure nothing came around and ate them.

Other than the walking dead and occasional wild dog, it didn't look like there was really any other inhabitants within the city. We found tons of stuff—extremely useful stuff that most people hadn't seen for a really, really long time, like toilet paper, charged batteries, antibiotics (probably expired but the two adults still wanted to get them anyways), some new clothes, stationary and school supplies, towels, blankets, some books to expand our limited library, and a lot of boxes Michonne looked so happy to find which she dubbed "feminine products" to me when I asked about them.

Carl also found some boxes of what looked to be balloons but wouldn't explain more on them even when I asked. I noticed Michonne looked less than impressed when she caught sight of him hastily tucking them into his jacket pocket.

"They're not for me!" He tried to explain through a bright red face. "I heard a few guys were wanting some around town and stuff. They're not that ready to get started on families quite yet."

"What do they need balloons for to do that?" I piped up, while I shooed a group of dead bodies away.

Michonne and Carl both busted out laughing by that and I stood there staring at them, completely clueless about whatever inside joke I was not privy to.

"Judith, honey, they're not balloons." Michonne struggled to explain.

"Well what are they then?"

"I'll tell you when you're older."

I groaned. "Why do I need to wait for everything when I'm older?!"

"I know you don't really value your innocence, but your father and I do so when we say "when you're older" it's not to keep you deliberately in the dark but to reframe from blowing your young, fragile mind too early and breaking something in there."

I puffed up to my full height by that. "Try me." I challenged.

Michonne was shaking her head no, but Carl took the initiative and enlightened me before she could stop him. "It's something you wear during sex so you don't knock up your girlfriend and contract or spread an STD."

My eyes grew wide with horror!

"What?"

"CARL!"

"Hey, she wanted to know! She was going to find out sooner or later."

"She's only ten!"

"I went through things way worse than her when I was ten! The last horrible thing she could know about is the mechanisms of sex! At least that's natural!"

The silence that followed was deafening. Everyone knew what he was talking about and exactly what he had endured when he was only ten.

No one spoke for a very long time, before I managed to turn our attentions to a shoe store across the street. I was in desperate need of some good boots for once and these sneakers were not viable working footwear. My old ones (before they were stolen) had been wearing out anyways.

Still would have been nice not to have lost them, though.

Michonne and Carl were more than happy to stop there. They wanted to leave me out with the horses again, but I had been left out of every store so far and insisted I needed to come in to get an idea of what would work best for me. The street and vast parking lot seemed to be empty enough at the time and if Carl met with any trouble he couldn't handle on his own he could call us for backup.

"Get me some Converse if you see any red ones." He called to us as we propped the door opened to hear him better during such an event. "I'm size 11, but they run kinda large so you might want to get a 10 just in case!"

"Will do."

We went down the aisles, browsing and debating what would work best. Michonne picked out a few pairs for other citizens around town and we managed to find Carl his Converses. In the end I found a pair of lace up brown combat boots that reached almost to my knees. I absolutely loved them.

When we finally came out again, there were four dead walkers at Carl's feet and he was looking at us impatiently.

"What took you so long?"

"Um… women shopping for shoes?" Michonne said, like it was all the explanation she needed to make. "How long did you think it was going to take?"

We had journeyed far into the city and dawn was only an hour away by the time we finally set up camp in an old mechanic's garage. It was a good choice since we could conceal the horses inside where they would be safe while we rested for the evening. There was a futon and a recliner we could spread out over while a fire blazed in a metal bucket proving heat and light as we ate some dinner.

"We'll start again in the morning." Michonne announced biting into some jerky and travel biscuit. "Get another early start and keep picking our way through it all. I can't believe all the stuff we've found, already."

"Do you think we'll be able to give some of it to Hilltop, too?" I asked.

"Yes. I think we'll have plenty to spare."

I watched the flames dance and wrapped a quilt we found tighter around me.

"How long do you think we'll be out looking? Remember we have a deadline."

"Maybe two more days. Enough to find plenty for our needs at least."

"And the demands of the Saviors." Carl added bitterly.

I cringed by that, hearing the double meaning in his words. I still needed to find something really impressive for Negan when he arrived again in a few days. What that would be, apart from giving myself up as the cure—I had no idea.

We said nothing but picked continuously at our dried meal, hearing nothing but the horses' huffs every so often along with the moans of the occasional walker that passed the boarded-up windows.

"This probably sounds a bit… stupid," Carl began, "But we're in our nation's capital (dead though it is now) would it be weird to… go sight-seeing a bit? I've always wanted to see the Lincoln monument. The White House would be nice, too, if it's still standing."

The was a momentary pause as this was considered. Michonne didn't look like she really wanted to stray too far from our initial mission, but I was much more eager about such an adventure.

"I've always wanted to see the Smithsonian. That might be pretty cool."

"There might not be anything left. It'd probably been looted by now or in ruins for all we know. It might be best to keep on track here. We can save the sight-seeing for another day."

"Oh come on, Michonne." I pleaded. "I still need to get Negan something incredible and it'd be awesome to stuff something impossibly one-of-a-kind in his stupid, ugly face and wipe that sickening, smug smile off that fucking ass-butt once and for all!"

"Hey language, young lady." Michonne snapped.

I groaned by the nagging. "If I can't use language like that then people should stop using that language around me! I'm so young and impressionable, after all."

Carl snorted loudly, unable to hide his laughter with that announcement.

"Yeah… you're real impressionable, Judy."

I cast him an innocent puppy-eyed look by that, propping my chin with my hand and tilting my head demurely towards him. "I am, aren't I?"

This time we all laughed, none of us able to contain ourselves with that announcement.

"Oh yeah, we really need to screen ourselves around you. After all, just today you had no idea what tampons or condoms were."

"I… I actually still don't know what tampons and condoms are."

"A few more years and then we'll tell you."

"Fine."

We shared a few more laughs and anecdotes as we eased in our seats, overcome by a very secure feeling just then.

"This is nice." I noted wrapping the quilt tighter to me. "I wish Dad was here."

We all went quiet by that thought.

"Yeah, but we'll be back soon." Carl assured. "And we'll have supplies with us."

"I wanna get him a souvenir." I decided. "To tell him about the day we had and all that. He was angry before but I'll bet he won't feel too bad about this arrangement once he sees what we brought back."

Carl looked over at Michonne eagerly. "Well it looks like we might have to go sight-seeing after-all now, if we want to get him that souvenir. What do you say, Mom?"

She grumbled under her breath, still not entirely sure about the idea.

"You're safe so long as you stay in my peripheral bubble." I tried to explain. "The walkers won't bother us if I'm in range and they can see me. And if it makes you feel better we could take extra precautions along with that. Everything went very well today, after all."

"We might do better if we kept the horses here with plenty of water and grass to eat." Carl suggested. "If we can find a map to tell us where to look then we'll only be gone a while."

She still looked like she was struggling with the idea, so I folded my hands and pulled off the cutest puppy-dog eyes I could muster.

"Pleeeeeeeeeeeease!"

Michonne finally seemed to cave. "Ugh—fine. But we start early and we take a shopping cart in case we find more supplies."

"That sounds reasonable."

I punched the air in triumph. "Yes! This's going to be awesome! Unless it's not because there's nothing left of anything we want to see."

"Geeze, Judy, don't jinx it. Hurry up and knock on wood."

I did so, wrapping my knuckles against the chair he sat on.

"Alright, bedtime." Michonne declared taking up the first shift as look-out while Carl and I spread out on the futon till our turns came. "Early start, early bedtime. Get some shut eye now. I'll wake you in three hours for your shift, alright Carl?"

"What about me?" I asked.

"He'll wake you up after." She promised.

I yawned curling up in the quilt and settling down to take sleep while it was offered. I really believed I could get used to this.

Treasure hunting was fun.

Author's notes: I want to dedicate this chapter to desireecarbenell to thank you for reviewing and liking my story so much. I loved reading your reviews they were exactly what I was hoping for when I asked for reviews and comments about what you think of the story so far and I will take this time to answer some of the questions you have.

Where is Daryl? Where is Carol? Daryl is unfortunately still with the Saviors for all anyone knows at this time. Since Judith stopped Carl from going after Negan and attempting to kill him, all the events proceeding that failed mission never occurred and so Daryl never found his opportunity to escape.

Carol lives in that little house near the Kingdom, living her life as a hermit as she had intended.

Does Judith just have a girl crush or is she gay? Judith actually doesn't know what sexual orientations like gay or straight is exactly. She's never grown up with terms like that thrown around her. She grew up around Aaron and Eric as well as Tarra and Denise (before she was killed by Dwight) and sees them as people simply being in love. Although it's not as common among the other families, it's never occurred to her that it was ever different from the other relationships. It was just love, as far as she was concerned.

Even if she did know about those terms, I'm not sure if she would identify with either. For the moment all she knows is that she's attracted to Mari because she holds certain aspects that Judith finds attractive. It also helps that Mari hasn't grown up with Judith so she's not entirely aware of her unpopular history among the other peers around town. So that makes her even more welcoming to Judith in the sense that she doesn't have that biasness that Judith has come to associate with town kids.

Clean slate, in other words.

Who was Lucille? There was a sort of subcomic for the Walking Dead that went full-depth into Negan's origin story explaining where his infamous barbed wire bat got its name from and why he's, more or less, such a fucking psycho. Lucille was actually his wife—his first wife before zombies and all that. She died of cancer right when the peak of all this crazy shit started. I don't want to give anything away but Lucille will become pretty important in later chapters.