Chapter 38
I Can't Fight this Feeling

The next morning, I woke up with aches all over my body but I met Michonne in the same place, same time for sword training just as before.

That seemed to be the schedule for the next few days and eventually I really started to enjoy our daily lessons. The aches became less and less and I eventually worked through them with few complaints.

In this time, while Dad and Aaron took in the responsibility of my weekly offerings to Negan, I was also able to find more time to spend with Mari. I guess we were now an official couple. Both my parents and brother never seemed to miss an opportunity to tease me about my new girlfriend and every time my face burst with color in response to their antics.

Once or twice I engaged in a heated wrestling match with Carl when his teasing began to annoy me, the same way he used to do when I teased him about Enid. I guess turnabout is fair play.

She often came to watch me train, which might not have been the best idea when I really thought about it. Her presence took me off guard and it would elicit my clumsier side, granting Michonne her opening every time. Don't get me wrong, I loved her support, it's just when I caught sight of her that damn blush would come back and our moments together would flash through my mind, again and again.

Mari always helped with the bumps I attained during those sessions. Not by massage exactly. Somehow, all I required from her was the simplest of touches—hand holding or a drawn-out hug—and everything would just melt away. I didn't know how it happened, really. When I compared her touch to someone—anyone else's I couldn't seemed to attain the same results as what Mari could inspire. It was strange, but interesting as well.

Even when I got worked up over being kept behind the walls for too long, Mari calmed me the way no one else could manage. Odd to think that weeks after her arrival here I was the one easing her troubled mind from various panic attacks and ghosts that wouldn't leave her be. Now she was calming me of my own frustrations.

It didn't seem entirely natural. With just one touch from her I was brought down almost as quickly as I had worked myself up.

Finally, my curiosity and suspicion grew so intense that I had to ask her about it.

I was sitting on the floor of her room that day, while she lounged on her bed, the same sheep-wool mattress I had given them now atop a stack of pallets. Her hands were playing with the strands of my hair again and I couldn't quite understand her fascination with it. Hers was much more beautiful, cascading down her back in thick chocolate ringlets while my own was thin and short and stringy with a side ponytail I was beginning to suspect looked absolutely stupid the older I got.

At her immediate touch, my head fell back against the mattress, taking in every moment of her contact.

Even through the haze I managed to remember my curiosity. "Mari?"

"Si?"

"How… are you doing that?"

"What, mi alma?"

My heart fluttered sporadically with the pet name. She had taken to calling me by it a few days after we became official. I was still trying to think of what I myself should start calling her but I wasn't sure if names like Sweetheart or Pumpkin were really suited for her. I tried calling her Honey once before, but it felt weird so I didn't try it again.

Crap. Why was it so hard for me to convey affection? Gentle touch, pet names, handholding; Mari seemed so open with it but no matter what I did I couldn't seem to initiate any of it. Maybe my brain was broken.

I'm pretty sure I felt just as much adoration as she did, but how was I supposed to express it? Maybe I could compensate with gifts? Or… was that bribery? It sounded like bribery. Oh man, what to do…

My mind had drifted once again and it took all my willpower to steer it back to the topic at hand.

"How… how are you able to make me feel things?" I asked, curiously.

"No entiendo—er understand, I mean." She shrugged, stroking back my hair and blazing a trail of shivers behind her fingers. "What you mean feel things?"

"Well… it's just that… how do I explain?" I turned, breaking contact with her as I rubbed my head sheepishly. "You're able to make me feel things I've never really felt before. And I know I've had a crush on you for a long time but I was just… you can do it so well, you see. No one else can calm me down so easily when I'm being stubborn or angry or what exactly and I was just wondering… how you can do that?"

I turned around to look at her and she returned my gaze with a distant sort of expression. She looked away—a move that seemed strangely… guarded somehow. "I … I know how to make people feel… uh… better about things."

"Yeah… you do. But how?"

She sighed and looked towards the door. Quietly she got up, and locked it, before facing me once again, her expression unreadable. The move set me on edge, making me cautious for the reason behind it.

"M-Mari?"

She came forward, sitting across from me with her legs tucked under her.

"Mi alma… if I… tell you secret promotes—uh, promise not to tell anyone?"

My answer was instant. "Of course! I won't say anything." Even if we weren't dating it was only fair to do so. She knew stuff about me that she hadn't told anyone. I never even had to ask her not to, she just kept the secret.

Quietly she took both my hands in hers and looked back at me with a strange earnest expression. "What do you feel?"

My brow lowered, confused about her question before something unexplainable took hold of me just then.

A surge of unbridled joy swept through me, almost like I were a bird and using my wings for the very first time and flying—free and high and alive. And just like that, the emotion suddenly changed to something else entirely. A veil of perfect tranquility overpowered me suddenly and I fell back against the side of the bed, completely at ease about every little thing in the world. My eyes opened against the pool of ease and I looked down at our clasped hands.

Like a rubber band, my mind snapped suddenly back to reality. I took my hands away from her as if cut.

"W—wha—what… just…"

I couldn't seem to find the words.

Mari held her hands up as if to placate me, like she thought I was frightened. "Esta bien… It's okay."

"What did you just do?" I whispered, pressing against the wood and mattress.

Mari glanced down at her hand with the question.

"S—something… always able to do." She whispered. "Something inside me… let me make people feel things. Not sure how."

"Whoa… so like, can you make people feel whatever you want them to feel?"

"A little. Still learning things."

"Oh, so you're like still exploring it."

"Si."

"What else can you do?"

Mari looked down at her hands, taking her time to ponder my question. "I can feel how someone else feels. I can make people feel bad things… if I want. I think I can make them to… uh... dormir—no—uh… what is word again?" She rested her head on her clasped hands and mimed a person sleeping.

"Sleep." I answered for her.

"Si, sleep. I can make person sleep."

"Is it… is it just you? Can Tanti and Louis do anything?" If it was genetic then maybe Mari wasn't the only one with a unique ability in this house.

Mari looked a bit more uncomfortable with this question; perhaps her protective instincts over her siblings was the reason for her hesitance, but she soon answered all the same. "Tanti… Tanti may have power."

I leaned towards her, eagerly listening to those words. "Like-like what?"

"I think Tanti can… hallar—no, find people."

"Find people?" I repeated, curiously.

"She sense where people are." She explained. Her gaze fell to the floor as a memory flitted through her mind just then. "Before we find you, we walk for long time. Tanti tell us where to go. She tell me that we meet someone extraordinario soon. She lead us on and on. We stay far from many people and not sure when we find this especial person. And then we find you…"

Her gold eyes looked back at me with those words and I felt my heart skitter loudly. Was that why they trusted me so quickly? Now that I thought about it, they did put their faith in me fairly easy. I thought it was because they were in awe by what I did by protecting them from the walkers, and I guess that was part of it. But they had been searching for someone extraordinary. Was that me then?

"Whoa…" I breathed in awe. "So, you… you both have a secret power—just like me!"

She rubbed her arm sheepishly. "I guess so…"

A wave of excitement hit me just then and I grasped her shoulders with wide-eyed wonder. "This—this is awesome! I can't believe it! I thought… I thought I was the only one like me! But there are three of us now! Do you know what this means?"

She looked at me, her head tilting in stunned confusion. "No. What this mean?"

My grin was large with unlimited possibility. "We can form our own superhero gang!"

"No!" She said hastily, her gaze fearful and pleading. "Please, no tell anyone. It would mean big trouble for me and my sister! Please! You promise, mi alma."

My smile dropped at her plea. "Oh, no that's not what I meant. Of course, I'm not going to tell anyone! I'd never tell anyone. You told me not to after all. I was just a little excited that's all I meant by it."

She breathed a sigh of relief, relaxing once again. "Good." Then she stood to her feet at that moment stepping over to the bed and curling up on it in a strangely frightened fetal position. She wasn't shaking or crying, but she did look troubled.

"Mari? Are you okay?" I asked.

"Si…" she whispered, tracing the flower pattern of the quilted comforter while deep in thought. I got up and sat next to her. Out of loss for anything else to do I took her hand and held it. Her eyes swerved up to me before she decidedly moved over, giving me room to lie out and face her on the bed.

I waited for her to talk, sensing an explanation for her expression.

"It just sometime… I feel frighten." She told me. "I not have bad memory you erase from me, but I still feel it sometime. At night… it hurt me and I'm scare."

"Are you saying the the spell didn't work? You're remembering or having nightmares about it?"

"No. I remember nothing… but it still… what is word… guarida? Something ghost do…"

"…Haunt?"

"Si… it haunt me."

"I'm sorry. Maybe I can do something."

The words made her smile reproachfully. "De nada, but you do enough for me."

"Well I can do more. We're in this together."

Her eyes fixed me with another unreadable expression. "I'll be alright. Just something I work through."

It didn't completely convince me though. If there was something going on with her, it was important for me to help her. That's what I did after all; I fixed things. "Mari, if you ever need help I'll be here—for anything."

Her eyes bore into me, big and gold and beautiful. She moved close and cuddled against me, her head resting against my chest to listen to my heart.

"I not feel so good in long time. I always feel better near you."

"Same here." My arms circled round her and I threaded my fingers through her silky hair. We stayed like that for a while, eased with each other's company. My mind began to wonder in that time though and eventually made it to the conundrum I was stuck in with Dad and the Saviors. The fear of being discovered and taken away by them was a dark cloud constantly over me. She should be prepared.

"Um… hey," I began, pushing a bit away so I could look her in the eye for this next part. "I just want to let you know, that if anything ever happens to me, like if I have to leave for a while there's something I'd like you to do, if you think you can."

"What?"

"Can you… look out for my family while I'm gone? It's just… they've been through an awful lot—a-and I know you've been through an awful lot too—but if you could help them… feel better every once in a while, I'd… I'd really appreciate it."

Her gaze became very concerned. "Where would you go?"

The question made me turn from her, rolling on my back as I gazed up at the ceiling. "I… you know the people who come here every week?"

"Si, of course." She said with resentment, she didn't know them very well but there was a animosity in her tone, probably by the few experiences she'd had with them so far. "The Saviors. You speak with leader quite a lot."

"Not by choice."

"You worry they take you away if they find out of your power?" She deduced correctly.

"Yes. I just want to make plans if that ever happens."

Mari scooted back towards me, gripping my arm and resting her head on my shoulder. "Why not run away?"

I sat up, shocked completely by such a suggestion. "Run away?" but then I stopped and folded up around my knees, guilty by the idea.

I'd lie if I said the thought never occurred to me. Sometimes I fantasized about just leaving everything behind; the Saviors, the town, even my family and just living out the rest of my days on the island with Vanessa's ghost, learning about spells and plants and living off of the land all by myself.

I bet I could do it.

"I… I can't." I told her guiltily. "I have my dad, Carl, Michonne, the town, you and your brother and sister, and… and Negan… if I'm not here he's going to be mad. You haven't seen what he's really like, what he's capable of…"

I cringed at the various things Negan could do to the people here were I to run from everything like I wanted to. Mari didn't say anything, but I felt her rest a hand on my back, easing me with her touch and her power.

Even with it, I kept in mind the threats that prevented me from easing for one moment without her contact. "One way or another, Negan always gets his way."

"Judith…"

I turned back to her, forcing a smile despite these fears. "Just… try to go on. Find a reason, find a way. I'm sure you will. You don't need me. You lasted way longer out there on the road without my help. You'll be fine."

"But… will you be?"

We locked eyes, both pausing at the question. I smiled again, shrugging the question away. "Hell, of course I will. I'm a powerhouse warrior woman after all. Have you seen my battle scars?"

I laughed and got up from the bed. "Let's head down. Michonne wanted me to help with cleaning out the chicken coops and you needed to meet with Mrs. Byron for needlepoint, right?"

I opened the door, barely waiting for a response before I was heading down the hall. There was a lot going through my mind at the moment, but I needed a distraction from all of it. Just a few hours of hard labor and I might be able to face these dilemmas once again. But for the moment, I just needed a break.

Author's Notes: Okay so big reveal in this chapter. It turns out Judith isn't the only one with strange powers. Mari and Tanti both possess some serious abilities and like Judith they're exploring each of their own off screen. Mari can't explain how it works so well because she's still learning English. Once she's become a bit more fluent you'll have a full explanation to how her powers develop from here on out.

I want to take a moment to talk about both the comic, games, and show updates. I'm trying not to let their developments influence the direction I want this story to move in, but it's really, really hard. I've got this story ultimately mapped out but every time I read the comic or watch a playthru or an episode (bracing myself for when the show picks up again) I can't help but think of ways to incorporate all the different scenarios and subplots into this tale.

You know sometimes I really wish I could make this a telltale game. There are so many different things I want Judith to do and to say, but I know I can only choose one way for her. She can only have one personality and one choice to make. It sure does make deciding on an ending for this fic really, really hard.

What I might end up doing is branching this story with a choice so that you as the reader can decide for yourself.

I mean would you like everyone to live happily ever after, or would you like to suffer for all eternity?

Not sure how I'm going to make that work, but we'll see once we get further into the story.

BIG CHAPTER COMING UP YOU GUYS! DON'T MISS NEXT UPDATE!