Chapter 39
Tara Terra
It was going to be another long day behind the walls. Dad had a full schedule lined up. It was laundry day, we were harvesting the first of the summer vegetables, and the flock, which had grown to now forty head since arriving, needed their hooves trimmed. Since Gabriel needed help with such work, Dad volunteered my services side by side with several other kids.

I wanted to groan. I did groan!

"Nooooo!" I cried when he told me around the breakfast table that morning. "Anything but that. Ram Dover still hates me!"

"He's an animal. He doesn't hate anyone." Dad said putting our dishes in the sink.

"Then why doesn't he plow down someone else for a change? He is such a jerk!"

"Gabriel needs help with it and since you dropped them all on our doorstep in the first place, you can help take care of them for one day."

"Hey, I didn't hear anyone complaining about the wool we sheared off them when I got them here! And that was hard enough all by myself! Oh, and by the way, you're welcome!"

"Be that as it may, you are still going to help Gabriel and you are not going to complain about it anymore."

I fell back in my chair, audibly groaning once again. "This is gunna suck!"

"Hey, watch your mouth and no complaining!" Dad reminded me firmly.

It was the last thing I said about it before I followed Carl out to work on the laundry. We had the machines, but we didn't use them in the summer, or at least not the dryers. Conserving energy for the winter months was more important and if it was dry and sunny out, it was better to put that warm air to good use while it was available.

The lines were too tall for me, so I ended up using a step ladder to reach them. When my hand reached for something that I didn't want to touch I dropped it quickly.

"Hey take this," I tossed a pair of boxers at Carl's face. "I wash mine and Michonne's underpants, but I'm not touching yours and Dad's."

"Damnit, Judy. Don't waver them around!"

"What difference does it make? They'll wave around enough in the wind."

"Well you don't have to do it yourself!"

"What's your problem?"

"You are my problem."

"I'm just your sister! Don't be dramatic!"

"Ugh!" He finished pinning the last of the laundry up before angrily leaving in a huff, conveniently forgetting the basket for me.

"Jerk." I muttered under my breath.

Ten minutes later I met with several other citizens to work on the summer harvest. Onions, garlic, lettuce and other vegetables needed to be harvested before the fields turned so, we needed as many people in town to help pitch in for the work. It was hard, it was long, and it was grueling. With luck, I might have been even too busy to work with the sheep before it was time. Boy, I sure hoped so.

It took us hours of hard labor, stopping only ten minutes at a time to get water, rest and eat. By the time noon came around, there was still plenty left to do.

At about two thirty, honking alerted everyone's attention from out of nowhere and we all turned towards the gates, listening as the commotion arose.

"What the hell?" Someone said beside me. Our worries probably went towards the same place. The only people with functioning car horns were Saviors. It wasn't a pickup day, so why were they here?

As we neared the gates a wave of relief went through everyone as the people who came in turned out to be just Mike and Rosita. It looked as though they had somehow discovered a functioning van while out on their run today.

"Help! Someone help!"

Dad came into view at that moment and neared them. "What? Rosita what's wrong?"

"Mike! Mike's hurt! He's… he's bit!"

It was true. Everyone could see the stain of dark red growing on his shoulder. The yard went quiet while I felt a few various eyes swerve over to me just then. Dad, despite the situation, refused to follow their gaze.

"Dad!" I shouted, at his side in an instant. "Let's get him to the infirmary."

There was an uneasy expression on him, but he helped swing the man's arm over his shoulder and drag him there all the same. Everyone was ordered to remain outside, even his family while Tobin got to work. I lied out on a cot, knowing what they needed from me even before they asked.

We didn't have a sophisticated blood and plasma machine like what Hilltop had, but there were other ways to extract blood. A curtain was drawn between Mike and I while Tobin filtered the sample with a tube, needle and a jar. It was deeply unsettling to watch my own blood dripping into a mason jar, even more so than it'd been watching it filter into a bag. I shivered, feeling the typical symptoms arise in me. I was surprised to find out that Tobin knew what to do, but quickly suspected that he probably would have been instructed by Dr. Carson with insistence from Dad.

Giving blood was much more taxing than giving simply plasma. I felt dehydrated and woozy as it drained from me, even nauseous before the line was thankfully severed. Tobin took the sample and disappeared behind the curtain, administering it as he was instructed.

I lied out on the bed, willing my vision to stop spinning as I attempted to find my center.

A mug of tea was offered to me and I sat up to accept it. Dad sat across from me, listening to the Tobin move around while Mike rambled behind the curtain.

"I'm going to die!" The man moaned. "Why are you even bothering with that shit? I'm a hopeless case."

"If you're hopeless then it won't hurt to try something new."

"What's it going to matter in the end? I'm a goner!"

"Don't be negative." Tobin lectured.

"You expect me to be positive? I want to be with my family! If these are my last moments then I don't want to waste them looking at your ugly mug. I'm just saying!" I could hear tears in his bitter laugh.

"I'm not giving up on you just yet. Just hang tight. I'll be done in a moment, and when I am you can be with them."

"Just forget it! I don't want to wait anymore. Send them in already!"

"Alright. I'm pretty much done anyways. I'll get them for you."

He emerged a moment later, holding a suture tray with his hands spotted with blood. A few minutes later three people were allowed inside; his wife Kate and his two kids, Ryan and Suzy.

They offered only a glance towards me before they were throwing the curtain back to embrace their father.

"Dad! Oh Daddy!" They said against him.

My own father tugged on my arm insistently. "We should let them have their moment alone. Can you walk?"

I nodded and set the tea aside, following him out unsteadily. I was a bit interested to see what would happen when they all found out he was going to be okay, but even so, they were a morning family and it wasn't right to gawk at an experience they believed would rob them of their father.

"He'll be alright." I announced as we headed back home. "He won't die. I'm sure he won't."

"I certainly hope he doesn't." Dad muttered thoughtfully beside me.

"Of course, he wouldn't have gotten bitten in the first place if I was with them." I added bitterly.

Dad looked weary of this conversation. "Judith…"

"I should be out there from now on! You know I should! There'd be far fewer accidents with me!"

"It's not safe—,"

"It's much safer if I'm there to protect them! I can protect them from walkers and they can protect me from people if that's what you're worried about. But they need me to be out there from now on. Everyone does! If something happens out there it's nothing we all can't handle! We've faced worse, and we've overcome worse! I'm ready, Dad. Really I am!"

My words seemed to jar something in him and he sighed at last. "We'll plan a trip into DC in a few days. We'll take a group and a cart. We'll go after pickup day. We'll spend only a few days there and come back. Will that be enough for you?"

I grinned joyously, throwing my arms around him. "YES! THANKYOUTHANKYOUTHANKYOU!"

"I'm going to regret this." He moaned, dismally to himself.

Mike did not die.

After a day went by and his fever broke through it was revered through town as an utter miracle. Father Gabrielle addressed it in his next sermon and prayers and recognitions were said as they thanked the Lord for the blessing bestowed on them. Of course, it rose up questions that no one could answer. Not everyone believed that such a thing was simply a "miracle". Tobin was subjected to various interrogations among town members but thankfully refused to go into detail about how such a marvelous thing could have happened.

There was a town meeting shortly after, to highlight how crucial it was to keep this as under wraps. Dad wanted to make it clear that there was no certainty that Mike had even been bit by a walker and if he had it still wasn't clear how he managed to survive the infection that claims just about everyone in the end. He also stressed that thanks to this new development, Mike could have been in danger, so it was important to keep such news from leaking out if we could help it.

My name was never so much as brought up and Dad seemed to consciously refuse to look at me the entire meeting.

When the Saviors arrived a few days after, there were conscious looks of worry exchanged from a few townsfolk and it seemed as though they tiptoed around the threatening men and women a lot more than often, with the weight of the secret weighing heavily on their consciences. Others like Rosita and Tara were more than happy to lie right through their teeth and played it off like they were heroes.

Negan didn't suspect anything but he did seem to treat me a bit differently than before. I wasn't sure what it was but ever since the necklace he spent more time considering his words before he spoke, which was out of character for him. It was normal for him to spew the very first thing to pop into his mind. Why was he acting so deliberate?

I eventually decided that it didn't matter his reasonings. I wanted this encounter to be over already. Dad said we would head out as soon as they were gone and daylight was burning so why couldn't we get this over with already?

It took forever but he eventually left with his men. The moment the gate closed behind him I rushed to my room and grabbed my prepacked bag. Dad and several others had the carts ready to get going moments later.

Aaron, Michonne, Rosita and Tara would be accompanying us today, leaving the town in Carl and Gabriel's care while we were away. Dad hoped to take this opportunity to tell the two women the truth about what was happening. They were strong workers and part of our inner circle of most trusted citizens. If we wanted their cooperation with this trip, it was only fair to tell them the truth.

It took us a day to reach the city and once Dad had disclosed to them the full details about my abilities, they stared in shock and awe towards the revelation.

Rosita had suspected something was going on the entire time, especially after our trip back at Hilltop when we returned with so many different goods. She hadn't asked about it strictly out of courtesy. Tara, however, never so much as saw it coming.

Once the shock had worn off for the two women, we loaded into the carts and headed towards the city. I road in front, steering away lone walkers and smaller herds and as we went deeper in, they gradually became larger, making me move from my place on the horse to steer them away more carefully.

Most everything in the outskirts was picked clean, so we needed to venture further in. Coming in from a different direction, we passed through different businesses on our way through. Michonne had a map of the route we took last time, but any way to find the gun store we had come across the last time proved ineffective. Our path seemed to always be obstructed by wreckage or other physical barriers. The overpass that could have taken us straight there was caved in and any attempt to safely pass it was not possible. Still, we managed to find plenty other things to compensate.

We scored big time when we found a few homes with solar panels. It took a lot of effort but we were eventually able to dismantle them from their roofs and load them into our wagons.

Aside from that we found toiletries, clothes, other weapons, tools, stationary, and cleaning chemicals that we were either out of or running low on. Though we'd adapted on ways to make our own, they were poor comparisons to what the old world had to offer back when things were different.

We also took this opportunity to stock up on things like presents. There were a few kids in town whose birthdays would be soon approaching and Tara thought it would be nice to grab some interest items like toys and games for them.

That was nice of her, especially since I wouldn't have bothered for the urchins, unless it involved the Waifs. Thinking about it now, it just occurred to me that I never actually asked when their birthdays were exactly.

"Some girlfriend I am." I muttered while Tara and I rifled through a toy isle in a Target.

"What do you mean by that?" Tara asked curiously.

"I never asked when Mari's birthday was." I told the woman. "It could have passed already and I wouldn't have even known. God, I suck."

"You do not suck." Tara consoled. "You've just had a lot on your mind lately. It's understandable, considering how busy you get. And now you'll probably be staying pretty busy a lot lately."

"I still gotta get her something! If it's passed I owe her, and if it's coming up I should be prepared."

"Well what does she like?"

"She's really into butterflies."

"Butterflies, huh? Well let's see what the jewelry department has for that."

I browsed through their selection, undecided what would be best for her while Tara offered advice about it. Eventually I discovered a beautiful sapphire teardrop necklace with silver butterflies flitting around it. I stored it in a fancy jewelry box and took extra care to wrap it carefully in a scarf when I tuck it away in my knapsack.

Tara gave me a playful sort of grin as she looked down at me. I recognized it as the same expression Dad, Michonne, and Carl held anytime we talked about my current relationship. "You know, you two sure are cute together."

I looked over at her and found not just the playful teasing, but a proud grin glowing on her face. Her expression made me go bright pink at the thought and I had to look away, embarrassed.

"Oh… uh thanks."

"The first few weeks of a relationship are always the best, aren't they?"

I shrugged, going even pinker. "Well, it's been pretty great so far."

"You know, I just about jumped for joy when you two became official."

I looked over at her. "Oh really? Why's that?"

"Well… you and Mari are both girls, you know?"

My brow lowered in confusion. "Yeah… so? You and Denise were both girls."

A look of sorrow crossed her face just then. "Yeah… we were both…"

"Ah geez, I'm sorry!" I said hastily, realizing just then what it implied. Her girlfriend had been killed by the time all this Savior business had started. "I—I didn't mean to stir that up."

"I know," she answered, staring at the ground in a daze. "Sometimes I just get so mad about it. All I want to do is kill every last one of them, Judith. When I think about Denise and Spencer and Abraham and… and Glenn."

There was a twisted kind of pain on her face with those words. "Do you… do you know how the group found me?" My gaze bore into her. I knew she joined us not long after we escaped the prison following the attack by the Governor but I didn't wholly know all the details about the encounter. "Do you know about… the Governor?"

"I know about him. He haunted Michonne for a while before I made him leave."

She accepted my words with a sort of sideways look. "I… I don't know how much you've been told."

"We were attacked by him and his followers." I explained. "That's why we don't live there anymore. That's what I understand at least."

"No…" Tara shook her head, looking distressed. "We were never his followers."

I stared at her, completely taken by surprise with those words. "We?"

There was a troubling look of pain on her face as staggered and leaned against a pillar. "I—I never would have… if I knew… he told us things—lied to us about all of you."

"Tara?"

She slid down to the floor, gripping her face and muttering. "My fault! I was the first one… to side with him. I… I was wrong! And he killed the old man… he killed him without any hesitation! I shouldn't have… it's all my fault."

"Tara?" I repeated, kneeling to her level and trying to make sense of her words. "What are you talking about?"

She looked up at me, her eyes shining with water while the dredges of a memory hid behind her expression.

"I was part of it. I was part of that attack, Judith. I didn't know what I was fighting. He told us you were all monsters. That you killed some other group. If I hadn't sided with him, my sister—my niece… It was all my fault."

My voice caught in my throat and my hands fell away from her. With a shaky voice she continued.

"Glenn… I owe Glenn everything! He told me… he saved me… and after all of it… he forgave me! And I—I couldn't save him. I wasn't even there, but I thought I'd at least get the chance to do something for him someday! But they took that away! They took it all… they take… everything!"

I wished I was more eloquent. I had no idea what to tell her. I had no idea what to say. There were no words I could think of. None came to me. It was hard to think about how I was supposed to comfort her. This was as much a shock to me.

I had no idea Tara had been part of that. I didn't know the details. I was… a baby at the time! I heard stories about it and I sometimes saw the shadows of our dead comrades but no one had ever explained the full incident to me.

I still didn't know the full incident, but I had a better picture of it now.

For a moment a stab of anger hit me. Then it disappeared as I took in the sight of this woman. She was hurt, she was sad, and despite those misgivings in the past, she was my friend. I had grown up around her. She babysat me as a toddler, protected me during our travels, and searched for supplies with our people. She was my family. Everyone had accepted her. She was one of us.

We all loved her.

I took a seat right by her waiting while she cried herself out. I didn't say anything. I just reached over and held her hand till she calmed again.

Eventually she sniffed and looked up again. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to fall apart in front of you."

"It's okay." I told her. "I wish I was smarter so I could tell you something to make you feel better."

She gave me a watery smile. "Just holding my hand is enough, really. Thank you."

We waited a while longer till Tara was calmed enough to move again. As we walked on she talked some more.

"Sometimes I wonder if the Saviors are like what I was. Roped into a conflict that had nothing to do with me because I believed something a stranger told me. But then I see them, how they treat people—treat us… and I feel this monster inside of me. It wants out. It wants to kill every last one of them so bad. And it's so hard to hold it back. I just want to kill them! If I do, maybe it'll be quiet."

"I get the same feeling sometimes." I admitted to her. "When Negan's got me talking to him and stuff I sometimes think to myself, is there a chance I can kill him? What would work best? Should I try? What would happen if I did? And every time I decide not to, a little part of me hates myself. I wish I could just do it!"

There were a lot of things Tara probably wanted to say, but like me, she didn't know what the best words were. So, she just walked beside me keeping close and giving me the support of her presence.

It was enough for the moment.

We spent four more days in the city, combing through promising establishments and gathering what supplies and goods we could get our hands on. We really lucked out when we scored some gas and vehicles to help transport it all.

There were a few close calls when one of the group strayed too far, and just barely made it out of a thick herd alive. Thankfully, large herds were even easier to draw away than lone walkers and with a single glance from me, I had the situation back under control.

It was a nice outing from town and during that time we even found opportunities to go sight-seeing again. We saw the White House and chanced a tour through the old building, but didn't end up seeing much of what it used to be. It was in extreme disrepair like most all of the city was and the building looked to own the remnants of a fire that had burned through most of the east side of it long ago. That made it dangerous, so we didn't stay for very long.

Apart from that we viewed a few more museums, the Capitol Building, and the Supreme Court.

We even saw the Library of Congress, but that was nothing new to me. Though it was still nostalgic seeing it again, and entering into the enormous grand foyer brought on a distinct sense of longing for the friend that had brought me there first.

While we explored a bit, I perused the volumes, drawn to a poetry section.

He loved poetry...

"John…" I murmured, brushing the spine of Wordsworth, picturing yellow eyes and winding, river-like scars. "I wish you were here, now."

We didn't spend too much time sight-seeing before continuing with the work, and on the fifth day we all headed home. Michonne, Rosita and Aaron took the truck and car that we had found and stocked to compacity while Tara, Dad and I rode the horses and cart back.

Tara road next to me while Dad managed the wagon.

"So… think Mari will like her present?" She said, starting up some small-talk to pass the time.

"I sure hope so. I found out from Aaron that her birthday is actually a few days before mine, so it's a bit passed. I can save it for Christmas, at least. Or I could just give it to her… you know, just because. People do that, right? Give presents just because right?"

"Yeah. They do that. I think she'll really like that."

"Great!" I breathed in relief. "I'm… not good at expressing affection all that well."

"I think you do a good enough job with it."

"Thanks, but Mari is so open with it and sure about every move she makes because every move just seems to be the right one! And then there's me over here and I'm… I'm just all over the place! I still haven't figured out a good pet-name to call her by. I feel stupid!"

Tara tilted her head sideways, overcome with an expression that conveyed utter adoration. "Awe… look at you! So heartsick and in love!"

My face turned bright red yet again. "I am not heartsick… or in love… exactly! I—I don't know if I'm there yet!"

"It's okay." Tara said, leaning over her horse and patting me on the shoulder. "You're so young after all. Probably not a good idea for you to be getting too serious."

I frowned by that. "Why not?"

"Well… you girls are just ten years old, Judith. You have your whole life to figure out girlfriend situations for yourself."

"…Or boyfriends."

"Huh?"

"I could figure out girlfriends or boyfriend situations."

She looked surprised by that, like the news took her off-guard for some reason. "Oh… do you… do you like boys, too?"

I had liked only one other person before Mari, but thinking of it now only made me hurt. "Not boys… exactly. He wasn't a boy."

"Oh… who was he? Someone in town?"

"What? Ew! No! That'd be like dating a relative!" I looked away, going even pinker. "You… you wouldn't know him."

"Well can you tell me about him?"

My eyes scanned the path while I went quiet. "He… he's gone now."

Tara looked away sadly. "Oh... Is he… did he pass away?"

"No. He just left me."

"Oh, I'm sorry. Was he… the Elf?"

I sighed. "Yeah he was. I just… kind of kept it up after him. You remember the Christmas after that play fiasco?"

"Vividly." Her eyebrow quirked towards me, thoughts going back to the fight I had initiated onstage with Lizzie.

"Well… he and I… with the big truck and all… that was us."

"Oh my god! That was you?!"

"Yeah…"

"You and some stranger out in the woods?"

"He wasn't a stranger!" I snapped defensively. "And I was never ever in any danger around him."

Tara stared forward, stunned to silence by the revelation. I had never talked about John with anyone other than Enid, and even then, I tiptoed around the subject. Talking about him now with Tara; it felt liberating, relieving even, but it was still a part of me that I did not want to completely expose just yet.

"Whoa… so what was he like?"

"He was…" I trailed off, looking out in thought as I tried to remember. He'd only been around a few months, but even that had left its mark on me. "He was very different from other people. He didn't need people, didn't rely on anyone to get through. He was strong. Not… not just emotionally strong but strong like nothing I'd ever seen before. I once saw him tear a door right off its hinges."

"Whoa. So, why did he leave?"

I looked away again, bitterness taking over my features while my tone lowered. "He was afraid."

"Of what?"

I wasn't sure if I could tell her. I didn't know if she'd understand. She couldn't, not unless I told her the whole story; and that would take days. My eyes closed and I tried to picture him; black hair, long coat, white skin… large eyes looking back at me like wasp stingers. My heart ached and I decided to lie, "He wouldn't tell me." I finally settled on.

"Oh… was it anything that would hurt us?"

"No. It would have already."

"I suppose so."

"I miss him." I said longingly. "I hope he comes back someday."

Tara smiled warmly to me, offering me condolences as we turned forward. "He sounds like quite the guy. I hope I'll be able to meet him if he does."

"I hope so, too."

There wasn't much talking for the remainder of our journey back and when we spotted the gates, we were met with open arms and loud proclamations of excitement and glee.

The supplies were sure to last a good long while so long as we were sure to ration it all carefully. The gifts that Tara had suggested getting were stored out of sight for later dates, letting only the parents know about their existences.

I smiled at the thoughtful gesture. Tara sure was the kind of person to suggest something like that.

She was so much nicer than I was, after all.

Author's Notes: Okay, I know I promised a big chapter but I was reviewing my so-called "big chapter" and I was thinking to myself, "you know I'm not sure if I want to do this just yet. I think I need to make Judith a tad bit more active before this thing happens." So, I was thinking of ways to kind of fill in this gap and I thought, "Well shoot if this is the way it's going to be then maybe I should stress this occasion a little more. Especially since there's this thing that's going to happen here and I need to make it have a bit more impact."

It's so hard not to reveal spoilers. But that's not going to happen! No Sir-y-bob!

I really liked the dialog with Judith and Tara here. Judith has no idea what Tara is talking about and doesn't quite grasp the concept of LGBTQA. Tara really should have taken this opportunity to explain a little to her but she seems to enjoy the fact that it's all just love to Judith so it probably wouldn't even be that much of an earthshattering revelation were she to explain the different orientations.

She so cute!

Also I posted a new little drabble for my side-stories for Elf Tales that coincide with this story here. If anyone has anything they would like to request or suggest as a side story or one-shots for Judith and the gang I'm open to ideas.

Thank you all for the wonderful reviews you guys and I promise that the big chapter that I promised is coming up—it's like seriously right after this one.

Don't forget to leave a review, you know I love reading them all!

LUV YA LOTS!