Chapter 54
Proposal and Debate

With the doctor's insistence, my sentence of confinement was over and I was let out of the room at last.

I didn't hear a word about it from Negan himself, in fact I barely saw a trace of him even after it had gone into effect. It was almost like he had vanished. Of course, that was more than I could hope for. Every once in a while, I caught brief glimpses of him around the factory. The longest was when I'd been hanging around in the market, watching the people go by with no intention of doing really anything other than killing time till the doctor wanted me back at the infirmary.

I was taken off guard when everyone dropped to their knees suddenly. Gazing up blankly, I looked to see Negan leaning against the rails of one of the long catwalks overlooking the area, staring down at everyone like he owned them. I only glared and blatantly faced him in challenge, refusing to submit. We locked eyes and I saw the glower that graced his face at the sight of the defiance, but he said nothing about it.

The exchange had lasted only about ten seconds before he lowly told everyone to "Return as they were."

I didn't even hear from him about it later. It was like he was purposefully refusing to be anywhere near me.

I gotta say, if that was the case, I was totally fine with it.

It didn't last, though. A few days later I was told he wanted to see me in his room for dinner again. I groaned at the announcement given to me by my new guard, a woman with wavy black hair and a large hooked nose. She looked like the female version of Severus Snape and was no friendlier than him. Well I suppose slightly friendlier since she rarely spoke really, the same as my last guard had done.

I welcomed the silence.

I met him in his room, wearing the cloak but dressed casually underneath. I was tired of putting up an effort for him so I decided to just do the bare minimum from now on. Negan didn't seem to care that I had underdressed for this meeting, he had really only specified that he wanted me to wear the cloak at all times. Dressing up seemed like an unnecessary effort.

There was another heaping dinner again with him. This time stroganoff with bits of lamb or goat in it, snap peas, and cheesy potatoes.

Over the days following my talk with the doctor I had worked harder to finish the meals I was given, but I was having abundant trouble with it. My portions were usually piled uncomfortably high and it was a massive effort to finish them. Some days they gave me so much that I had to lie down on the floor and hold my stomach, hoping dearly that I wasn't going to throw it all up.

I shouldn't have hated being full, but I did. I hated the feeling of eating enough. After years of settling for the bare minimum I was able to live off of and now I had to find a way to be comfortable with fulfillment.

I took my seat to his right once he lowered into the chair at the head.

"So, how have you been lately?" he asked casually.

"Fine."

"Up to anything interesting lately?"

"No."

"Since you don't go to school, you've got an awful lot of time on your hands." He said with a note of disparage. "How do you usually spend it?"

"Just doing stuff?" I answered vaguely.

"Like what?"

"Just stuff."

I saw his jaw clench with clear frustration. Apparently, I wasn't cooperating the way he wanted me to, but he'd try and find a way around that somehow. "Walk around a lot I hear."

My heart stopped by that. Did he know about my close escape a few days ago?

I merely shrugged, playing it off casually.

"Go anywhere interesting?"

"No." All the interesting places were usually guarded, save for that small moment that let me slip away in the first place.

I once tried to enter the barracks to see if Daryl was alright, but I never made it passed the two Saviors that were hanging around the halls. In truth, I never even tried to approach them, I just chickened out and turned back.

I hated myself for that.

Damnit, why was I so afraid?

It shouldn't have been this hard. I wanted to see my uncle.

At least… I thought I did.

On the way towards the detention level I kept picturing the first time I had gone this way.

My arm locked in Negan's grip while he dragged me down the corridor. A feeling of instant regret for my earlier choice in words was in me and an icy dread fell over my skin. Then I saw his door. The empty stone and iron room, devoid of light and warmth.

Fists on my skin. Skids and bruises. Broken bones. The look in my uncle's eyes. Blood speckled on the ground. A drop like a beetle.

It hadn't been the guards that had caused me to turn back. Admittedly, it had been… something else.

I tried to shake the memory as I sat there at the table.

Negan did it for me though as his voice cut through my thoughts critically. "So basically, you do nothing all day."

"I guess I just feel a little drained most of the time. That happens when you're constantly impaled for your blood. There's not much to do when you're imprisoned for a month, either."

"Well you're not imprisoned anymore. So, you could try going to school." He suggested, though it tested far more as a threat.

"When I think there's something anyone in that classroom has that's worth teaching, then maybe I'll go."

"Well if you'd bothered listening in there, then maybe you would have had enough to find out there's plenty to learn. And all of it will be used in actual real life. We're not just wasting your time."

"Why do you care if I go or not?" I demanded skeptically. "The way I see it, you don't really need me to be smart. That's not the reason why I'm here after all."

He leaned back in his seat. "Believe it or not I do want you to think independently. You've got far more use if you're intelligent and I may need you to be more than a dimwitted juice box someday."

I was surprised to hear that from him. "What reason do you need me to be intelligent? I would think you wouldn't want me to be smart. I might start plotting against you after all. If there are plans you've got for me that extend beyond donating blood, you can cross those out of your head right now. I'd never willingly work with you."

"You'd work with me if you thought your people might get something out of it."

"Right, and look how well that worked out the last time I tried to make a deal with you. Your word isn't worth shit to me! I tried to be decent and you were the first one to go back on your word."

His jaw clenched and I saw the vein on his neck bulge, the frequent indicator that he was beginning to lose his patience with me. "I would like to remind you that that trip was only to get your things. We didn't take anything else."

"I don't believe you." I stated firmly. "And even if I did, you still took from Alexandria. I don't care if it was for my things, it was still on Alexandrian land and you still stole."

"What do you want me to do? Give it back?"

"Maybe you should try paying for something for once instead of thinking you're entitled to everything simply because you say you "protect us". You know four years ago, before we had to deal with your crap, you didn't protect us very well from the Wolves; we did that on our own. And you still thought you had a right to break into our home and take our stuff. And you still think that even now."

Negan got up and I couldn't help myself from flinching, worried that he would strike out at me, which was almost expected now. But he didn't. Strangely, he was somehow calm as he moved towards the window and looked out at it, a contemplative expression in his face as he examined the landscape the setting sun illuminated. "Do you know how big the Sanctuary expands?"

I remained quiet, wondering if this was some trick question. But he seemed to genuinely want an answer from me.

"Well?"

"Not really, I guess." I answered at last.

"Of course, you don't. But if you bothered to go to school you might have some idea. To paint a little picture for you, there are over six other outposts under my control, expanding a fifty-mile long diameter with over three hundred other people that man them. The supplies towns like yours, Hilltop and the Kingdom provide, go to sustaining those."

I went quiet, suddenly interested in his every word.

"Over three hundred, you understand. And those are just the soldiers. That's not counting the workers and families that live inside. I know you kindle thoughts of rebellion in that little head of yours. You want to go to war with me."

I didn't bother verbally confirming that suspicion. That was a no-brainer.

"Every day I'm expanding my borders further and further. I've reached out to other towns that we could possibly take over and have even heard of a powerful community to the south that we might be able to ally with. From the reports I've gotten, they're somewhere in Richmond. Fear and terror can only go so far. I've done pretty well with them; you can testify to that after all."

I clenched my jaw and glowered at his back, furious for the reminder.

"But the more territory I gain, the more enemies I make. Sooner or later, I'm going to meet someone who's really going to ruin my day. They'll have nothing to lose and everything to gain by taking me out. It'd be nice to have a trump card up my sleeve. One that they can't oppose as easily."

I frowned, uncertain about what he meant by that but I had a nasty suspicion that he wanted me to play some hand as that so-called "trump card" of his.

"I'll admit," he continued looking towards me, "beating you, hitting you, shutting you up in your room for all that time to get you back in line might have been… extreme, but I feel they were all necessary to earn your cooperation. And I needed that time without you to do some soul-searching for myself and figure a few things out."

"Like what?" I tested uneasily.

"Mostly about how I can use you to your full potential."

He stated it without a second thought. I was stunned by how easily he came out with it. He didn't even try to hide his true motive or even beat around the bush a little.

"No one cries over some fallen overlord." He said casually. "Someone else could just take my place. I hate to admit it but I am replaceable. It sucks—for me at least, and maybe for a few other people around here, too. I'm sure if I died my generals would rise to the occasion; Simon would most likely become the new Negan."

The current Negan looked back at me with that announcement, gaging my expression, which had soured even more at the idea that I could possibly have to deal with Simon in replace of this man, someday.

"Tell me, do you like Simon?"

I'd never admit it to him, but in truth, I may have reserved hatred for Simon that could have been greater than it even was for Negan. Simon killed Tara right in front of me. He led a massacre that killed dozens of men and boys whose spirits remained haunted by their murders. Negan was a monster, too, but there seemed to be a distinguishable lower body count surrounding him. Still… at times it was hard to tell who I hated more. Sometimes I caught sight of Simon strutting around the Factory much in the same way Negan did, demanding lesser workers to bow to him as he walked by, too. And if they didn't it usually didn't end well for them.

Of course, he never did that with me. I guess he didn't want to chance it. Maybe I was too valuable to mess with or too closely associated with his boss. After all, none of the workers I had seen seemed to be on the tall end of the hierarchy here. I could tell by their beaten and demeaned disposition and Simon chose his prey wisely.

From my silence, Negan seemed to have the answer he was expecting.

"Simon's not a favorable candidate for this position. Not many people would benefit from his leadership. He's been known to escalate situations, as you well know."

"Then why is he still in charge of anything?" If Negan was the big boss he bragged about, he could just kill Simon and be done with it—right?

"That's where politics come into play." Negan announced. "You think it would be easy to just kill him, wouldn't you?"

"Isn't it? It's what you do with everyone who bothers you."

"Not exactly. Simon controls a good deal of the soldiers in this place. Killing him may lead to an unfavorable uprising in my ranks. Disposing him requires tact and I'd need to do so in a way that reminds people where the real power lies. I can't just lure him in the woods and put a bullet in his head. People would get suspicious and I'd lose support. Why do you think your father stayed alive this whole time?"

"I thought you respected him on some twisted level."

"Mmm… partly. He's the leader of a major provider for us. I could kill him, yes, and put someone else of my choosing in charge, but then he'd become a martyr and that could be a real pain in my ass. So, I break him instead and get the others to fall in line behind him. If they feel like he isn't leading them in a way that is in their interests then they'll get rid of him for me, and depending on how their new leader moves against me, I go from there. It's better to let a rivalling group tear each other apart than waste soldiers and firepower doing it yourself."

"So… why exactly are you telling me this?"

"Well I thought it might interest you to know what you'll be in for if you find yourself with a new owner."

"You're not my owner!" I snapped instantly.

"Whatever puts you to sleep at night." He waved my statement off and returned to his seat. "Like I said, I'm replaceable. Almost every person here is. People are a resource, but resources can still be replenished. You on the other hand… we can't exactly replenish a resource like you."

Resource… was that what I was? Was that how he saw everyone?

"Now back to the subject on expansion. Like I said we're expanding our territory every day, finding new towns, gathering intel and reaching out to communities that could rival us. I'd like to avoid situations like the one that introduced us to your town if at all possible. Some people don't like to fall in line, and late-night ambushes can only go so far. But if I had something they couldn't exactly say no to… something valuable that everyone was seeking, well then, it would be mighty hard to be able to refuse something like that."

I glowered at what he implied. "I assume you're talking about the cure I provide."

"That, and something else." He confirmed. "I think it would be nice to show them a symbol they could rally behind. Something to give them."

I didn't even need a second to ponder what my answer would be for him.

"No."

He wasn't surprised as he rolled his eyes in annoyance. "I thought you would feel that way. Of course, you would never make this easy."

My gaze narrowed at him in disgust. "Why would I help make your conquest of more communities easy?" Was he retarded?

"Look I know you hate us, I know you want all of us dead. It's not like you do a whole lot to hide it."

"Actually, I'm very open about it. You'd have to be blind, deaf and stupid not to notice."

"Yeah… I know. I just thought maybe that hatred wouldn't extend to innocent strangers."

"Innocent strangers never hurt me or my people."

"Yes, but it seems like you wouldn't care very much if they were killed in a conflict that could have been avoided."

This time I rolled my eyes. "Oh, I see. The ol' victim blaming, huh? Going to try and convince me that they would die because of my inaction. Well I've got news for you; it wouldn't be my fault if they were. It would be yours. I'm not as gullible as you want me to be. You can't convince me about that shit anymore. I'm not the monster here, you are!"

Negan took a steady, careful breath. "Fine. Yes. I'm the monster. I know you think we're the real villains here. I know you think we're the ones that cause death and destruction wherever we go, but consider this, if we weren't the ones who recruited these communities, what do you think would happen?"

"I don't know. They'd probably live happily ever after."

"Is that what you think? Or maybe they would just be attacked by someone else. Someone worse, like say some Wolves, or another bad group like the one that kidnapped you. You said that before we met you, Alexandria was attacked. Well those invaders weren't really looking to take prisoners, if I'm correct. You're lucky your people were capable enough to fight them off. But what about other groups, huh? Can you say the same would happen for others?"

"I… I don't know. That just depends."

"Depends on what?"

"On a lot of things."

"Really? Okay, well let's imagine this. Let's say there's a group out there, maybe they're the size of your town. They're doing fine for the moment, going about their business and living their happy dandy lives. And then one day a group the size of Hilltop attacks them. Now this group has attacked groups like Alexandria before. They know the weak points of the walls and understand where the survivors would most likely try to escape to. Because this group was unprepared for this conflict it's pretty easy to conquer them. Maybe there's a few survivors and they manage to escape, but because they didn't have a proper system and no outposts anywhere else, they've got nowhere to go now, and no way to tell neighboring groups about the coming threat. So, the attacking group can go ahead and move on to the next town to attack, and then the next town, and the next town."

"Okay, so what?" I demanded. "You're saying you're the lesser of two evil attacking groups?"

"Well let's imagine that that town had been a part of a system that would have been able to stop that attacking group. If there were survivors of that town they would be able to warn the outposts and preparations could have been made to stop the invaders before they made another attempt towards a second town. That's what we do, Judy. That's how we operate. We stop threats like that from attacking more and more towns. We just ask for a little incentive for providing security like that."

I wasn't buying that load of bull for one second. "You're trying to gloss over the violence you've inflicted and paint yourself to look like some public servant when there's very little I've seen you do for other people. Everything you've done has been for yourself, and only yourself! The way you conduct yourself towards others is no way an actual servant of the public would treat people. So, for the last time, you are NOT a hero, already!"

He growled and pinched the bridge of his nose, struggling to hold his temper at bay. "Just once I wish you could make this easy. Just once I wish you didn't have to push me."

"I don't push you to do anything!" I snapped at him. "I just refuse to swallow the lies you try to feed me, I'm not as desperate as other people and I'm not stupid enough to be blinded by your massive ego."

Out of the corner of my eye I saw his fist clench tightly and I shifted, unsure if it would connect with me if I continued to test him. But I just couldn't stop the sea of contradiction even if abuse was imminent.

"I really hoped we'd be able to do this without needing to hurt anyone, but you just won't work with me." He said with frustration.

"I tried to work with you but you'd rather lie than honor any agreement we made."

"Would it help if I promised not to take anything else from Alexandria?"

"I don't think so, because I wouldn't believe you even if you said it."

"Well what do you want from me—and don't say send you home, because that sure as fuck is not happening."

"I'd like you to stay the fuck out of my town!" I declared angrily. "I'd like you to crawl in a hole and bury yourself!"

His fist pounded the table, the restraint he'd been maintaining snapping at last. "Goddamned it, Judy, I'm trying to offer you something more here. I want to give you a position of leadership someday!"

The words took me off-guard for a moment but I snapped out of my surprise quickly, suspecting such an outburst to be a lie. "Well I don't want it!"

"Then you really are as fucking stupid as I thought—even stupider actually! Here I thought you would be interested to do some good—maybe help people like you say you do, but you'd rather be stubborn and childish."

"Sure. Like you want to give me any sort of authority. You just want to prance me around to others so you can say you've got some… higher authority or whatever that gives you the right to treat them like crap. You don't want to give me any sort of leadership, you just want to control and use me the way you do with everyone. Well sorry, but no. I'm not going to help you make it easier to take over towns and I'm not going to be some trophy you can wave at people!"

His jaw clenched as he sneered with looming promise. "We'll take those towns anyways. You could at least aid in lessoning the bloodshed."

"Their blood is not on my hands! Quit trying to manipulate me with that fake blame!"

"I believe our agreement would say otherwise. If I recall correctly you promised to obey me and behave, and you couldn't even do that. If I broke the agreement then you did just as much."

"I did after I found out you did, first. I only started acting out after you bragged how you made a house-call to Alexandria, not to give them any supplies, but to take supplies just like you promised you wouldn't do."

"Once again, I would like to point out that that was for your things, which you seem to repeatedly forget."

"If I wanted my things I would ask you to take me there so I can collect them myself, but how am I to make sure you didn't take more than that?" I breathed deep, getting tired of going in circles like this. I was tired of trying to talk to him. It was pointless.

"Look, we are two people who don't like each other, who are never going to like each other," I began, trying to control my anger. "But we can make deals and we can uphold the conditions of those deals out of professional respect. But if they're violated, there's no more need for cooperation. I'm tired of this. I'm tired of being the only one who thinks a deal goes both ways. Uphold your end and I'll uphold mine." Without another word, I got up and walked to the doorway, finished with my food and finished with him. "This conversation is over. I'm going back to that room."

I left through the door, slamming it as I did so. I waited for a moment, wondering if he would charge after me, but he didn't. When I thought it was safe to leave entirely I went back to the room.

When I got up like that to turn my back on him I was so sure he would cross the room to grab or hit me again, or do something far more deranged, perhaps involving Daryl as a penalty for my disrespect. I would be lying if I said I wasn't afraid he would still attempt something like that later if he came after me, but the hours ticked by and he did neither.

Days after our conversation I was still thinking of it. As much as I hated to believe it, what if Negan was right? What if all that bloodshed could have been avoided if I just cooperated? What if I was just being my usual selfish self again? What if I could lessen some of that destruction by just being an aid?

Then I'd want to hit myself for having thoughts like that. It wasn't my fault if the Saviors were vicious and murderous. I wasn't the one to cause any of that. I had no obligation to help make those takeovers easier. It wasn't my fault and it wasn't my responsibility. But I couldn't shake the idea of them.

Negan said they'd take them anyways, even if they had to do it violently, though he preferred not to. He wanted me to help him do that. It was disgusting, the whole idea was disgusting. But what else could I do?

Of course, I could refuse. There was no reason for me to comply. I didn't want to help the Saviors in any way if I could help it, but could I just ignore all those other innocent groups and communities?

Damnit! Negan, you bastard!

Even if I didn't cooperate with him now, he'd eventually have me doing what he wanted. It was just a matter of time really.

I didn't go back to school in the following days and I heard no words about it from anyone. So, with no one to tell me otherwise, I decided to do more exploring of the areas that weren't off-limits and maybe gather more intel on the layout of this base; particularly any heavily guarded areas. I wore the cloak, much to my revulsion to it. I had tested Negan's fury enough over the past few days, I didn't want to invoke his wrath more by blatantly refusing another order.

The guard followed me, but at a distance.

I stuck out like a sore middle finger but even if I did, no one dared bother me. I ignored the looks a few of the broken people cast me while the hushed whispers were thrown around once my back was to them; whispers that seemed suspiciously like they were about me.

"Rumor mill," I muttered under my breath. Out of discretion, or maybe because I just wanted to hide more from people, I pulled up my hood and buried my nose in the tall collar, feeling I could maybe disappear behind the material.

That was impossible, though.

Eventually, I made it outside. It was overcast and I could smell rain. It was pleasant to feel the chill in the air; comforting almost. True, I could do more during the summer months, but that sweltering heat was always beating down and it was difficult being comfortable when your body was a factory of sweat to make the clothes on your back stick to your skin like paste during that whole season. The fall months were fast approaching, I realized dismally, catching sight of yellowing leaves on a few of the taller trees surrounding the factory.

I wandered around the more deserted areas but always within sight of the damned fence and its guards. It was strange strolling near chained up walkers. Their teeth gnashed out and they moaned to anyone who came near, frantic to reach out and strip flesh from bone like the starving soulless creatures they were. But when I approached, their struggles to come closer ceased entirely and they moved away like I was tainted. Well, maybe not exactly like I was tainted, maybe more like the pole of a magnet meeting the same pole.

Out of curiosity, I came closer to one almost touching the fence, dangling from chains around its torso and neck. It was turned away from me, facing the forest and any potential threats that tried to come near. It couldn't see me, but it could sense me as could the others within the proximity. First, the moans stopped and they all stilled in their pursuits to escape, swaying back and forth in their spots. This was odd. Normally they would try to get away from me, but somehow, they calmed this time, like they were waiting for something.

My eyes switched to the trees and the desperate longing I felt at the sight of the green growing things ached in my chest, it was as if a corset was crushing me. In my eyes, there was no sight more dazzling than the woods. I thought back to the brief escape I had made outside and the crushing defeat it had been to return back her. Maybe I could try again, but I'd just end up coming back again. So what was even the point.

Dwight was right. If I ran now, there was a high probability that Negan was never going to stop hunting me. The idea of being prey, pursued and hunted constantly, seemed even scarier than being a prisoner.

With a painful lurch, I turned from the sight.

I didn't walk far before voices alerted me. Negan's voice was among them and it sounded like he was giving orders to load up. I snuck behind a barrel and watched as a few dozen Saviors gathered round a truck, loading supplies on it till it was full to capacity.

This seemed strange. Were they making a delivery to an outpost then? That seemed logical. Those outposts probably needed a decent amount of supplies to sustain them. Maybe they would do several drop-offs. He'd said so after all.

That would probably be important to log away in my mental notes.

I spotted Simon come up to him at that moment and tried to suppress the wash of hatred that would have prompted me to throw something at him in fury. Instead I listened.

"Are you sure you want to do this?"

"Think of it as a step towards building a better relationship with our subordinates." The man announced, swinging his new bat. "They've provided for us for years. I think we can return the favor every once in a while. Besides, we need to keep our little carrier from doing something she'll regret."

I was stunned by those words. What was he doing?

"By the way, has anyone seen her recently?"

"She was wandering around earlier. Sorry, looks like she didn't go to school, today."

His face betrayed a withering glower at being ignored yet again. "Well if this doesn't make her happy I don't know what the fuck will." He turned to the passenger seat of the truck and jumped inside. "Load up boys. We're going to Alexandria."

I stayed behind the barrels until the last of the trucks had disappeared, stunned frozen. Negan was holding up his end of the bargain at last. I watched in disbelief before I realized the implications it meant for my position. I groaned but got up all the same, knowing immediately where I was headed now.

A few minutes later I opened the door of the designated school room. Whatever lecture the teacher had been engrossed in, halted instantly at the sight of me.

I said nothing, nor did I respond to the numerous gazes that followed me when I walked to the only opened seat available. The chair squeaked audibly and I dropped in it as if it were the most casual thing in the world.

Everyone seemed to be waiting for something while they stared at me.

"Just don't ask me to do any group projects," I finally announced.

There was a small moment of silence before the teacher turned from me without comment and continued with the lesson once again.

Author's notes: So, things might be improving a little. Negan's taken the initiative to get Judith to cooperate. It's still no guarantee that she plans to help him with those towns, but for the moment, she'll behave enough to at least attend school the way he wants her to. Anything more than that needs to be negotiated. I'm glad I was at least able to get this chapter out of the way. I have another big chapter coming up, but I don't know if it'll happen next update or not. I need to work on a few things and I hope they don't end up being more deleted scenes.

I at least hope to have another chapter done this month. Fingers crossed that this story doesn't become something that's only updated every month.

On another note, the new season of Walking Dead is back. I haven't actually had the chance to watch it yet, but I'll probably do so in the next few days or so. I'm a little hesitant to do it though, this being Rick's final episodes and all, I expect a gruesome death and am not in any kind of hurry to witness that, one bit.

Anyways, as always, I appreciate all your wonderful reviews and comments. I love hearing all your thoughts and am totally floored with every new one you guys send me!

Luv ya lots, guys!