Chapter 58
Only in Memory

John's presence was bringing back all sorts of memories. I returned to my room, curling on my bed and closed my eyes as a swarm overpowered me.

Flashback
"Don't leave John."

"I'm coming right back." The man consoled. It did not dispel my worry though as we looked upon the condemned structure. John had steered me towards an abandoned minivan and deposited me inside to wait for his return while he looked through the building.

"It's a medical facility." He tried to explain. "There could be something useful here that hasn't been scavenged. There's hidden treasures everywhere if you know where to look. I'll only be a moment."

"But… but what if someone's already in there and they're dangerous? What if you get hurt?" I had heard stories from my own family of people making a decision based on poor judgment about buildings like that and paid for it with a heavy cost. The stories of Terminus and how narrowly our people had avoided those cannibals often plagued my worst nightmares. I had been no more than a baby at the time, protected by Tyrese while Carol became a one-woman army. As inspiring as the anecdote was at times, it was equally as chilling. One of the few battles they didn't mind speaking about too much, because unlike our adversaries, none of our side lost lives that day.

I had no doubt that John could organize just as efficiently as that legendary woman, but it didn't keep me from worrying about him, just as it didn't keep me from missing Carol now that she had left to be on her own.

But John only smiled warmly. "Don't worry. I'm a lot stronger than any normal man and the dead won't harm me, but your concern is touching, nevertheless. I'll be right back."

He slid the door closed and I pressed against the glass, watching him go.

We had already found a decent amount of fresh food from the forest, like wild greens and animal biproducts along with some other things left in old houses. Most of it had been picked clean already, but we occasionally got lucky and discovered substantially useful things that had somehow been overlooked by other people because they did not spawn an immediate result for a traveler's needs.

Things like yeast, baking soda, cooking starch, shortening, baking powder, kitchen chemicals, sewing materials, clean cloth, sheets, blankets, towels, infant items, stationary, and odd and end implements were often over-looked within homes and didn't tend to be easy to pack around if one was traveling for extended periods. But for our people, these tools were crucial. I couldn't even begin to explain the full-on miracle that was baking soda itself. It was a key ingredient for countless functions and was used in almost everything: soap, toothpaste, deodorant, disinfectant, itch relief, rash relief, cleaner, unclogging drains, oil and grease removal, and of course baking! To say that was all would be wrong. That was barely the half of what you could accomplish with the magic powder.

For all it was good for, we tended to discover at least one forgotten box of it left behind in any and every building we went through. I thanked earlier scavengers for not seeing the use of this little thing themselves while they were rifling through everything else.

In the car I tried to make myself comfortable as I waited with the rest of the supplies. In time I was waiting so long that I fell asleep. When I woke again, the sun was low in the sky and John still wasn't back yet.

Panicked and thinking that he had to have been in trouble, I got out from the car and rushed at the building. Inside, I lit my flashlight and looked around the dark interior. The building was in much the same state as so many other abandoned buildings.

It didn't take me long to find something that made me panic. John's bag for foraging was on the ground and he was nowhere in sight. In the dust that covered the ground I saw footprints, one pair belonged to some hard-soled shoes like John's boots. Then I caught sight of three others that I didn't recognize.

There must have been a struggle then.

This scared me even worse. If John ran into people who were dangerous, people who were strong enough to overpower him, then there was no telling what could have been happening to him right now.

What could I do?

My flashlight searched the ground, following their footprints through the dust and spotted them leading away. John's prints had also stopped, and instead there appeared to be distinct lines scuffed up in the dust, almost like the strangers had been dragging something as they were escaping.

John.

Tiptoeing, I pursued, hopeful that my friend was not lying in a pool of his own blood and all his parts would be attached to him when I saw him next.

The prints led me further into the building. When they came to a crude opening in a wall leading down to a dugout hole that opened wide like a daunting basement, or a haunted cave. I stopped and was terrified at the idea of journeying so deep into darkness.

I couldn't go down there. It was too dark and my imagination played wild tricks on me, filling my head with horror stories of awful things with teeth and claws; things that were hungry and eager for the taste of children wandering down to them.

But my friend was in trouble. I couldn't just leave him. What if he was being hurt?

Somehow that thought frightened me more than my own bodily harm and I summoned enough courage to lower myself into the hole.

The one thing that kept me going was the knowledge that, for some reason or another, walkers weren't interested in me. They didn't want me. They fled from me in fact. As long as I kept that in mind, then I would be okay.

But walkers weren't the only monsters that existed. Sometimes the worst monsters where the ones that existed in people.

As I continued to walk, I began to hear faint voices. My ears perked more as one of them I recognized as John's. With that, my strides quickened as I walked faster towards him.

Don't worry, I said telepathically to him. I'm coming, John. Just hang on.

The voices eventually became clearer and I struggled to listen to the conversation between my friend and his attacker.

"What do you intend to accomplish with so much death? Hasn't there been enough suffering in the world?"

"You don't understand, young one." Said another voice, a smooth melodic voice that sent a strange wave of goosebumps rising over my skin. "I'm not like you. You're animated death, not far off from the creatures that wander the wilderness. You don't truly require sustenance because your body does not see itself as alive. Those creatures don't actually need it either. All that remains with them is baser instincts that drives them to pursue it.

"Me, on the other hand? Their fear is necessary. There is much fear in the world. These days it fills the air so deep, I could fill my belly with merely the stench. Sadly, it is not enough. There are very few people alive these days and I must be careful not to kill too many off. But those that wander… well nobody misses those on their own."

I saw light up ahead and neared an opening at last. Looking down in a cavern I saw a circle of lit torches. Two large iron boxes, a lot like metal storage containers, stood in opposite corners of it. I wasn't sure what was in them and I had a feeling I didn't really want to know.

In the center of the cavern was a man and across from him, chained to the wall was John.

I lowered to the ground, feeling my panic increase at the sight of him in danger. How was I going to get down there to him?

The man, the stranger, was someone I had never seen before in my life. For some reason, he was very handsome. He was clean and his features were chiseled and fine. He had dark hair combed back and young, green eyes, and of all his strange features the strangest I had seen so far was the suit he wore. It was one of those old business suits I'd seen people wear from movies and magazines. I had never seen anyone wear one in person and it seemed so alien to see it on someone now. Especially someone I was distinctly aware was a villain.

My eyes scanned back over to John as he crouched where he was bound. There had to be some way I could get down to him. There was a narrow path I could use but trying would not end in my favor. John's back was towards me and the stranger faced him. If I tried to go down, it would draw his attention and then what would I do?

I tried to find alternate routes but the only other way into the cavern was an opening at the other end. My only chance was to wait for him to turn his back and see if I could hastily make it down and hide once I reached the bottom.

"It's really the kindest I've ever been. I don't keep covens any more. Too many mouths to feed, and human life is precious these days. You don't realize how much you depend on it until your food supply begins to deplete. No, I drain them and kill them quickly; merciful you under—"

At that moment his eyes looked up and he saw me. I felt my heart stop dead in my chest, terrified of his previous words. What was this man? A cannibal like the ones my family had fought?

He smiled and looked towards John, a smirk on his face. "You brought a friend with you."

His gaze turned and looked to where the man had spotted me and I watched as his expression grew desperate and disappointed. If he could look paler, I had a feeling he would have been.

The man's hand extended, beckoning me. "Come here, little one. Are you looking for your friend? He's here and I have not hurt him. Come and see for yourself."

His voice hit me like some kind of terrifying enchantment. For some reason I knew he was attempting to cast a spell on me. It made me want to obey him and almost all reason and concern for refusing flew out the window at the very sound of his voice.

Yet the transparency of his attempt was still apparent, and my stubbornness caused me to shakily step back in refusal.

He saw this and his brow went up in shock. Clearly it was not what he had expected nor wanted.

"Come here." He demanded, more insistently. His spell was stronger this time and I could feel the pull of it bringing me two steps closer to the path that led down. Yet I still hesitated, gripping the wall for support as I tried to refuse. I didn't want to do it. This man was luring me to him. He sounded so nice and inviting, but my instincts were on high alert, especially since now I knew he was a magic user.

Was he a witch—or I guess a warlock in this case? Or was he some kind of other terrifying monster that promised death or dismemberment if I dared come any closer? He said he ate people, could that have been true?

But then I thought about John. The only way I could help him was if I went down there. That man already knew I was there, and even if I tried to run, he would be after me in no time flat. Maybe it was better to cooperate… for now.

Shakily, I started down the earthy path, keeping my eyes always on the man. When I had refused him, there was a distinct look of fury on his face that set me on edge, but once I had begun to comply with his second insistence his features softened to take on that inviting expression once again. However, his eyes remained wary as he scrutinized me carefully the closer I came to him.

I passed John, and we both shared a look of repressed fear for the other.

Finally, I was right in front of the man and the smile he gave me was strangely gentle.

"You're here for your friend. You know him as John. I call him Caliban."

"I'll ask you nicely." I announced, collecting my courage as I straightened to my full height, which wasn't much. I wasn't going to give him another shot at pulling that spell on me a second time. "Please let him go, and I won't hurt you."

My announcement seemed to shock him. "You think you will hurt me? That is not a simple feat for anyone."

"I will, if you hurt John in any way."

He seemed to lose his gentle kindly expression with my announcement as he looked towards John angrily. "What is this creature you have found? It is no common human."

John didn't offer an explanation, only a reasoning for why he should comply. "You mustn't harm her. She will do what she promises and you will have no power to stop her."

"What is she?" He demanded in that same enchanted voice he had carried from before.

It hit John with a strange sort of tangibility and he seemed to struggle against it. His form bowed and he seemed to be in pain as he spoke. "I don't… know."

"STOP!" I yelled at the man, stepping forward to push at him angrily. "Stop hurting my friend!"

The man seemed to shake himself with my own furious demand and took a step back with the force of my order. Then he recovered as he grabbed my arm and marched towards John. "What is this creature you have brought down here. She is not normal. She…" he looked back at me as if hoping the correct description would be somewhere on my face, "she is unnatural."

"Like you?" John hissed, trying to make it back to his knees.

"How dare you bring this thing down here!"

"You won't hurt her." He deduced, sensing something I couldn't—knowing something I didn't. I looked from one to the other, wishing more than anything that one of them would explain, already. "You wouldn't dare, not until you've figured out what she is."

What on earth did they mean by that? What was I supposed to be other than human? Could it have been because I was a witch? Was that what he meant?

The stranger looked down at me, regarding with some expression that seemed nameless from my perspective. Finally, without bothering to offer any explanation he turned and dragged me down the other entrance.

"I may not be able to hurt her now, but when I find out what she is, I will find out what I shall do with her. Perhaps I will sell her to others that will offer more detail towards her lineage, since you are so lost for answers."

"No, please! Just let her be! She's of no use to you! You'll see in time!" John's hasty pleads were lost the further we went down.

"What are you going to do with John?!" I demanded, feeling more concerned about that then my own welfare. "Don't hurt him! Don't hurt my friend!"

"He is in no danger." He said, easing my worries though I'm not sure that had been in intention. "You on the other hand, should worry more for your own preservation. Once I find out what you are, I will determine what sort of use I can gain from you."

"What I am?" I repeated in disbelief. "I'm human… aren't I?"

His grip on my wrist tightened and his voice no longer sounded like the friendly one it had before. Instead, now it sounded so frightening and guttural that I cringed away at how dangerous he sounded. "Don't lie to me! I know human stench when I smell it, and you are certainly not human."

"Well what are you then? Because I'm pretty sure you're not human either!"

He dragged me into a strange room where the only things inside were several empty cages. He stopped in front of one and threw me inside, slamming the door with an echoing BANG before locking it tersely.

"I'm your captor, that's all you need know about me."

I got up quickly, gripping the bars as I yelled at him. "I can't stay here! My dad'll kill me! He doesn't know I'm out!"

He responded by locking the cage. "Better for me then."

"No! Let me out!"

As if on cue, there was a large booming from the entrance. "What the hell is that fool doing? Does he really think he'll escape from those chains?"

The possibility gave me hope. "John! John, if you're free get out of here!"

The man left, taking with him the only torch that illuminated the room, leaving me in darkness.

Down the hall I could hear muffled cries of alarm. Then there was another bang and the sounds of moans drifted down the hall followed by several loud shouts of anger.

What was happening down there? Everything was dark, and I couldn't hear what was happening.

After several frightening minutes of no reply, someone came barreling into the entrance again. Yet it was still dark and I couldn't tell who it was until he spoke.

"Beetle!"

"John!" I gasped. "You should have gone."

"Without you?"

"Yes! I don't want you hurt again."

There was a noise he made in response to those words, some sort of choked noise and his faint outline seemed to freeze as the words washed over him.

"John?" I said again, wondering what he was doing. My voice seemed to jar him into action once again.

"You… you mustn't worry so much about me. You are far more fragile than I." I could feel him come closer and there was the moan and snap of metal as John bent it away from the bars. I felt his hands on me as he lifted me from the cage. "And I would never be able to live knowing you are imprisoned somewhere."

"I'll be okay. He wasn't planning on hurting me after all."

"Momentarily perhaps. But intentions change. I would never consciously leave you with such a person."

"Where is he now?"

"Handled."

Down the path I saw the glow of the other torches as we neared. One of them had fallen onto some furniture and a small fire had risen from the carelessness. The echoing moans of walkers drowned out all other sound as we approached the entrance and it looked like they had been occupying one of the two storage units since the doors were smashed opened and they were pouring out at the moment. The contents of the other one remained a mystery.

John looked towards the walkers and considered them before looking towards the other metal box.

"Come on, we must free them."

"The walkers?"

"No, the people inside."

"People? But they'll see. They'll see me and the walkers." I looked back as the dead bodies in question began to migrate towards the back and away from me.

"There isn't time to worry about that." John explained, gripping hold of the chain and snapping it opened.

The door creaked loudly and opened to reveal several weary looking people, holding their heads almost like they were recovering from an intense migraine.

"Are you all okay?"

They looked out at John's question. Somehow, they were so overcome with their own pain that they didn't quite see the person whom was addressing them.

"Oh god." Moaned one man, looking like he was about to throw up. "I feel like my hangover is partying with the flu."

"What's wrong with them?" I asked John.

"They've been previously hypnotized. It's left them very weak." He came inside and slung one of the heavier men's arms around his shoulders, steadying him as he swayed. "Come on Beetle, we need to get them to safety."

They all seemed eager enough to escape from the storage unit and didn't seem to give much interest in the walkers that were in the corner. I guess their main focus was trying to keep their headaches at bay. With them filing out I counted twelve of them all together. It was a fairly large group. The man to imprison all of them must have used the same spell he'd tried to use on me. Again, I wondered how I had managed to resist it.

As they all rushed up the earthy path John hesitated waiting till the last of them had disappeared into the tunnel.

"John?" I looked up at him, "what is it?"

I was cut off just then as something gripped me from the back of my collar and hoisted me right off my feet.

"Did you think you were going somewhere?!"

I heard the terrifying voice of our would-be-captor behind me, shaking me as he used me as a hostage while he faced John.

"Ow! Let me go!"

"Malcom, let her go." John growled. "This is between us."

"Oh no, you've dragged her into this fine mess. That's what you do, isn't it? Drag others into your messes. I would have thought you would learn after the first town of casualties you've been responsible for!"

He backed up with me and passed a torch in his haste. Instinctively, my hand reached for it, gripping hard as I jammed it mercilessly into the eye of the monster that ensnared me.

An earsplitting roar nearly deafened me as his grip finally loosened and I dropped from his hands. When I looked back at him, I saw his entire half blazing with fire. It was only a brief moment before John rushed forward and took me up in his own arms again, rushing back up the path after the people who'd escaped already. Behind me I saw the glow of the loose fire getting brighter as it grew more and more out of hand. There was a loud explosion and John was thrown off his feet, bringing me with him. The ground shook and dust and rock fell around us. John had crawled over me, using his bulk to protect me against the rain of earth that fell over us.

"What was that?" I asked in terror.

"Dynamite! I saw some in a crate behind one of the storage units. We need to get out before—"

Another explosion cut his words off immediately. The ground shook more, making his attempt to get up clumsy, but he still managed to take me in his arms again and sprint as fast as he could through the exit.

More explosions shook the ground and the building of the medical facility gave a dangerous groan before it collapsed. John and I reached the doors right as it was falling to pieces. Once we were out safely, we gave a nervous glance at the wreckage right as the earth and a tower of fire seemed to swallow it whole.

I shuddered in John's arms as I thought of how close to that terrifying death we had both been.

At last, the air was quiet and we stared on at the sight of the burning sinkhole. Twilight had fallen as we had been stuck in the ground and in the back of my mind, I knew my people would be beside themselves with worry for where I had wondered off to. But that seemed to be a distant concern at the moment.

The thing that was far more pressing where the strangers that joined us. The people that had been trapped in the storage unit stood with us, just as entranced at the sight as we were.

"What the fuck just happened?" One of them murmured.

Our attention turned to the various strangers. Now that the main threat had been dealt with, we were able to study them better, and vice versa. They were all different, ranging from ethnicity to age, though there looked to be a trio among them that I assumed were together considering they wore the clothing remains of a Catholic nun, a priest, and a monk. As for the others, it was anyone's guess whether the strangers had been together or not.

"I think it's apparent." The nun said, holding her head. "We've just escaped our own abductions and quite possibly our deaths."

"You saved us, strangers." The elderly monk deduced. "The Lord always provides, doesn't he?"

"I don't know if it was the Lord's work." A man with tattoos proclaimed, "but I'm glad we're out of that hellhole. Shit, I still feel nauseous. What the fuck happened to us down there?"

"John?" I tugged on his sleeve. "Should we… take them back?"

"Do you have a community?" A woman asked. "I've been on the road for weeks, trying to find something like civilization. I could really use a shower."

"Emma, no! Look at that guy!"

"Fuck, I had a backpack with me. Must've lost everything in there."

John pointed to the van where our own collection of scavenged supplies was. "We can't lead you all back to our home, but there are some things in the van you all may have. We were going to use them, but I think you need them more."

"Thank you," the priest said. "Your kindness is appreciated."

"Might as well be off then."

"Wait really?" I asked feeling utterly perplexed. "But…"

"Put your butts away, Beetle. There's nothing more we can do about it. Let's leave while we can." Then without a single word about it, John casually picked me up and set me on his shoulders turning away as if it were nothing. "If you're looking for somewhere safe to stay the night, there's an old town about a mile away. It has secure buildings and most of them are clear. You might be able to regain your bearings there."

"Wait, what's your name?" One of the women asked.

"Caliban."

Taking my cue for an alias from him, I followed suit on disguising my name. "And I'm Beetle."

Then we turned from the group and disappeared into the woods. I remained on his shoulders the entire way, resting my chin on his scalp as John walked on and thinking over the events. It was dark and I'm not sure how John was able to navigate through the forest but I didn't worry about it. I had far more pressing questions to think about.

"John, who was that man? Why did he want to kidnap everyone?"

"He was a monster—a magic user."

"Like a warlock?"

"Yes precisely."

"When he spoke, it was like he cast a spell over me. I wanted to obey him."

"Yes, but you didn't. That surprised him very much."

"He said I wasn't human." I pressed my cheek against the top of his head. "Why would he say that?"

"Because you are not like many humans, Beetle. So, he had to rationalize why you refused him." His hand reached up and squeezed mine gently. "Do not take the words of a deranged monster to heart; they very rarely tell the truth. Trust me, you are every bit human as your kin is."

"Why did I want to obey him? Was it just another spell?"

"A certain sort of kind. He did something very evil to gain that power."

"What?"

"He cut out his own tongue and replaced it with the tongue of a siren."

"A siren? You mean those mermaid spirits in the odyssey? The ones that lured sailors to their doom?"

"Precisely."

"They exist?"

"Surely you're not so surprised to learn that those creatures would exist when it's been proven there are far more startling things you know to be true."

"…I guess." I pondered for another topic. "Was he going to eat all those people?"

"I believe so, and perhaps use them for other devious reasons."

"And he was going to sell me?"

His grip on my hand tightened a bit. "I would never have allowed it."

"But he's dead now right?"

"Yes."

The reality of those strange events seemed to set in just then. "I… I killed him."

John was quiet for a moment. "Does it bother you?"

"I don't know."

"Do not fret about such a thing, Beetle. Monsters of that like do not deserve your guilt. Put it out of your mind."

"Alright." I closed my eyes as he walked on thinking of the late hour. "My dad is going to kill me."

"Not likely. Perhaps he will have been occupied by another distraction and you will manage to slip back inside the walls unnoticed."

"Yeah, and everyone had ice cream for dinner and they're all singing songs around a campfire." I laughed. As worried as I was about my father's looming explosion, the exhaustion I felt for the day's exertion had taken a lot out of me and I felt myself falling asleep right on his shoulders.

When next I woke up, it was in my own hammock in my room. Dad was shaking my shoulder gently like he hadn't even noticed I was gone and I gawked after him, still stunned how he had completely missed the fact that I had been missing for so long. I also marveled at John's own stealth. If he had managed to sneak over the fence with me in his arms, and additionally into my house and put me to bed, then I think I deeply underestimated his abilities of agility.

Present Day

My eyes opened and I looked up at the ceiling. That memory made me pause in consideration. I hadn't thought about that strange set of events in so long. Everything about that encounter had been bizarre and so surreal, like a dream I didn't even realize I had had.

Having John back was raising up more things I'd forgotten since his leaving. So many unanswered questions left to smolder in the back of my young seven-year-old brain.

Who was that creature that had said I wasn't human?

Was there truth to his accusation?

Was John the one that had lied that night?

What did I really know about my friend?

Well, whatever I did or didn't know hardly mattered. All I knew was that I loved John more than anything in this whole place and that I wanted to finally speak to him. If there was just a moment to talk and find out what had happened to him, maybe get a better explanation towards his abrupt departure.

Maybe just having that one small thing for me…

Maybe then the world would make sense again.

Author's Notes: Wow, I can't believe I haven't updated since last year. Crazy, right? Took me a while to wrap my head around how this story would proceed. Truth be told I had only one line worked out for this chapter before I finally figured out how to make it proceed with what I wanted to do. I'm glad I was able to make it work, at least.

Still trying to figure out the next chapter in the meantime. I might not update again for a while. It just kind of feels like there's no one who really reads the story, so I might hang it up and work on some other projects instead.

I'm not abandoning it, but I don't know if I'm all that excited about it anymore. It just kind of feels like there isn't anything about it that seems exciting anymore.

I don't know, is anyone emotionally invested in this story all that much?