The first time Chloe sees Beca kissing Jesse, she has to excuse herself from the Nationals stage to run to the bathroom.
She almost doesn't make it, but manages to barge into a stall in the otherwise empty bathroom before the first tear falls. She's both surprised and not surprised by the jagged pain radiating through her chest; surprised because she hadn't expected it to hurt this badly, and not surprised because a part of her has been waiting for this to happen ever since she'd fallen in love with Beca.
She squeezes her eyes shut to block out the image of Beca and Jesse kissing, only for it to be projected on the insides of her eyelids. The memory fills her, rising like bile in her stomach.
Leaning over the toilet, she wonders if she's about to be sick and heaves –
Beca and Jesse Beca and Jesse Beca and Jesse
– but nothing comes up.
It makes her chest hurt even more, so instead she lets herself semi-collapse onto the bathroom floor, her back against the stall wall and head in her hands.
BecaandJesseBecaandJesseBecaandJesse.
It runs together in her mind on a loop, the image of her arms around his neck and his hands on her hips.
She should have known. Of course Beca's straight – she's had no reason to believe otherwise – and of course she's seeing Jesse. She'd let herself get her hopes up, and now they've come crashing down around her ears. She only has herself to blame.
After a long moment, Chloe forces herself to stand shakily from the bathroom floor. The others will likely come looking for her before too long. She wipes her face with bath tissue, then opens the stall door, wincing at her reflection in the mirror. She does her best to fix her makeup and calm herself while the pain in her chest only grows with every beat of her heart.
Chloe can't even remember how many times over the last seven years she's sat in the Bellas kitchen, waiting for one of the girls to come back home.
She's seen it all. She's waited for Stacie the morning after a wild party, for Aubrey after a big exam, for Amy after seeing Bumper, for Beca after her classes, and for all the others following everything from breaks from school, breakups with significant others, or just simply from a long day at class. She's been there for hugs, coffee, hangover food, and to just listen. There have been good times, bad times, and times in between, and always, Chloe waits in her usual chair at the kitchen counter, waiting for her Bellas to come back to her.
She's not sure she's ever been this nervous before.
Well. Except for maybe one time.
Now, Chloe sits in her chair as she supervises preparation for the end-of-year-and-winning-Worlds party hosted by the Trebles. Emily stands over the twin pots boiling on the stove, one red and one green, holding a measuring cup full of water in one hand and a full bottle of vodka in the other.
"Is this right?" Emily asks, adding the cold water and vodka.
Chloe glances away from the front door to watch. "Um, you can add a little more vodka," she replies. She has a hunch they might all need it after Beca comes home.
Emily complies, adding a generous measure of the alcohol and giggling as it splashes into the pot. "I've never made Jello shots before!" she says excitedly.
"I'd hope not," Chloe smiles, "you're only 19. We're corrupting you."
Shrugging, Emily replies, "What else is new, right? This feels so… rebellious."
"It's Bella tradition to bring red and green Jello shots to the end of year party," Chloe responds absently, looking toward the front door again. She thought she'd heard a footstep on the porch, but when no one comes in, she figures she must have imagined it.
"And the taco dip?" Emily asks, nodding to the fridge, inside of which rests a hue pan of the dip she and Chloe had already made.
"Yep, that's tradition too, now," Chloe looks back to Emily. "It's Beca's favorite snack, so."
Emily hesitates, and the mood in the room shifts. Chloe looks at the front door again; it's been more than an hour. Chloe's insides squirm as her mind runs wild with thoughts of Jesse getting angry at her, or begging Beca to give him a second chance. The idea that Beca might actually do just that – that she might return to the Bella house with the same relationship status as when she left – makes Chloe's throat tighten and her stomach rebel.
"Beca should be back soon, right?" Emily asks, uncharacteristically softly.
All the Bellas know where Beca is and what she's doing. It's all thanks to Amy, of course. On the plane back from Copenhagen, Beca had been even more antisocial and sullen (Amy's words, not Chloe's) than usual, and Amy had pestered her about it relentlessly until Beca had finally snapped. She'd told them (well, told the whole plane, actually – she'd sort of yelled it) that she'd be dumping (Chloe's word, not Beca's) Jesse almost as soon as they all got back to the States.
Amy had cheered, Stacie had said, "About time," and Flo given a prayer of thanks.
It had mollified Chloe to know that she isn't the only one to be happy with this turn of events.
"Right, soon," Chloe replies to Emily's question, her throat rather dry.
Emily frowns, but before she can say anything, the sound of footsteps coming down the stairs from the second floor grabs Chloe's attention and she looks around to see Amy and Flo arriving on the ground floor. Amy's carrying several Wii games in her arms, including Mario Kart and Just Dance.
"Hey," Amy says loudly, "Either of you twig bitches want to play with us?"
Flo nods. "In my country, playing games together was a great way to bond. Also, I will destroy you."
"Ooh!" Emily hums. "Maybe after we're done I will."
Amy grins her approval and looks to Chloe. "Ginger?"
"I'm probably okay," Chloe shakes her head, trying to look regretful. "Bit of a stomach ache."
"Uh huh," Amy stares at her for a second, her expression unreadable. "Well, if you change your mind, I'll be kicking this one's ass," she continues, gesturing to Flo, who scoffs openly.
"That's what you think," she says. "Mario is in my Latin blood."
"Mario's Italian," comes Stacie's voice as she also walks down the stairs, dressed in leggings and a tight sports bra. She waves at them all, not breaking stride as she heads to the front door. "And bye, I'm gonna go for a run!"
Amy shakes her head sadly as the door closes behind Stacie. "Too much cardio," she says dismissively before grabbing hold of Flo's arm and dragging her into the sitting room, where Ashley's Wii is connected to the TV.
Chloe turns back around in time to see Emily peering questioningly into the pots on the stove.
"Um, think these are done?" Emily says, her tone doubtful.
"Oh!" Chloe starts; she'd completely forgotten about the Jello shots. "Uh, probs. Think you can pour them out okay?"
Emily nods, pursing her lips at the hundred or so little cups already set out and waiting on the counter. She lifts the red pot off the stove first, clutching the handle tightly. Chloe only pretends to watch; in actuality, her ears are straining for any sign of an approaching Beca Mitchell.
Because the kitchen window is open, she hears a few birds outside, enjoying the early summer sunlight; she hears Amy and Flo in the other room, already trash-talking each other ("Eat my banana peel, you oversized road mountain!" "I will not! How dare you?"); she hears what might by Ashley and Jessica upstairs performing their weekly furniture rearrangement; she thinks she can even hear the wind whispering through the leaves outside. A car door slams at the house next door and she jumps, but thankfully, Emily doesn't notice as she replaces the now-empty red Jello pot and reaches for the green.
Chloe sighs, resigned to waiting even longer. At that moment, however, she hears what is most definitely footsteps on the porch. Her heart kicks into overdrive, and a second later, the door opens to reveal a haggard-looking Beca.
Chloe feels like the worst best friend in the entire world. Normal best friends are there for each other constantly. They can talk about anything and everything without the other getting upset. Normal best friends have no secrets, no boundaries, and are happy for each other's successes.
Normal best friends support each other's relationships.
But Chloe can't do that, not when Beca's in a relationship with someone other than her. Every time Beca mentions Jesse, Chloe can feel the way her face freezes for just a heartbeat before she can try to arrange her expression into something halfway supportive. Every time she sees Beca and Jesse together – on campus, at parties, at a cappella competitions – and she notices how much he touches and kisses her, it sends molten jealousy and rage pouring through her veins. She's not sure what makes her angrier; that Jesse will never be able to treat Beca like she deserves, or the fact that she'd let herself fall for Beca in the first place.
All Chloe knows for sure is that despite Jesse, she's still falling more by the day. And Beca can never know about it.
She's the worst best friend.
Beca wanders into the kitchen, eyes downcast and headphones on. Even from several feet away, Chloe can hear the heavy bass pouring through them, a sure sign that Beca's mind is far away. Chloe isn't sure she even sees her or Emily, as focused as she is on the floor. It's an impression that's only verified when Beca starts in surprise when Emily greets her brightly mid-Jello pour.
"Oh! Hey, guys," Beca says in a forced-casual tone as she slides the headphones down around her neck and pauses the music on her phone. She leans against the counter stiffly, her eyes roaming over the setting red Jello while Emily finishes up the green.
"Hey," Chloe says, trying not to sound as breathless as she feels. She's pretty sure her palms have started sweating. "How'd it go with…?" Chloe trails off, not wanting to say his name.
She wipes her palms on her jeans under the table as discreetly as she can.
Beca sighs and brings up a hand to pinch the bridge of her nose. "It was – yeah, it went okay."
"So..." Chloe prods. She doesn't want to seem like she's prying, but really, the suspense is killing her, and she has to know what happened. She schools her features as well as she can, trying to keep a neutral mask even though she feels like lunging over the counter and shaking Beca until she confirms or denies (god, she'd better confirm) a breakup.
"What?" Beca asks tiredly, then her expression shifts to understanding. "Oh, uh, we're done, yeah. I guess I'm staying here, at least for the summer."
Yes! Yes yes yes yes! Chloe's chest expands with happiness, which she immediately tries to dampen down. What is wrong with her? She shouldn't be this excited for her best friend's failed relationship… and yet.
It means that Beca is staying.
"Oh, Bec…" Chloe trails off, not trusting her voice. "Are you okay?"
"Yeah, just, headache."
Emily returns the emptied pot to the stove, all of the Jello shots poured and cooling. "Oh no, I'm so sorry, Beca, that can't be easy. Er, Jesse, I mean, not – not the headache."
"It's okay, Legacy," Beca mutters.
"Yeah, well," Emily says bracingly, moving forward quickly to wrap Beca in a massive hug.
Beca's "Mmph!" of surprise is muffled into Emily's shoulder; Chloe's grateful for the distraction, because it gives her the time she needs to again control the excitement and relief burning through her limbs at the prospect of having Beca in her life for another three months in the Bella house.
And, maybe, since she's single for the first time in three years...
Chloe clamps down hard on that thought before it can fully form, annoyed at herself for being so incredibly inappropriate. Beca's relationship with Jesse ended barely thirty seconds ago, and besides, Beca is still straight and still her best friend. It's not right for her to be thinking like this. Chloe's face warms with the familiar shame. To hide it, she pretends to count the completed Jello shots until Beca extracts herself from Emily's arms.
"Great, that's – um, thanks, Em," Beca mumbles, not making eye contact with either of them as she reaches into the cupboard for a yellow plastic cup, then turns to the sink and busies herself with pouring a glass of water. Chloe tries not to read too much into it that Beca had chosen what has long been established as her cup.
She fails.
Emily smiles at the back of Beca's head. "Yeah, anytime. I really am sorry, Beca."
Despite her elation, Chloe somehow manages to remember to ask, "Did Jesse take it okay?" It's not because she cares about Jesse's feelings about the breakup (she really, really doesn't care), but because she knows it's what she's supposed to do in this situation.
She doesn't quite have it in her to apologize, though, like Emily has twice already. She can't outright lie to her best friend.
Beca nods, a strange expression on her face. "Yeah, he – he yelled a little, but once everything passed, I think he was, you know, okay. I guess we both knew it was gonna happen sooner or later," she shrugs.
Chloe feels a muscle in her own face twitch in annoyance at the image of Jesse yelling.
"He didn't –?" she starts protectively, trying to refrain from marching right into the Treble house and punching him.
"Oh, no," Beca dismisses, shaking her head. "He actually was good about it. He understood more after I – after." Beca stops abruptly and she hurriedly raises her water to her lips to take a long swig of it.
Warning bells echo off the walls of Chloe's mind, but before she can ask exactly what "after" means, Emily leans forward.
"Are things weird now?" she asks, maybe thinking of the party later. "You know, between you two?"
Beca shakes her head. "Nah, I think we'll be friends," she says, sounding surprised about it. She takes another sip of her water, then asks abruptly, "Is there taco dip?"
It's a transparent change of subject, but Chloe doesn't mind; she doesn't really want to think about Jesse any more than necessary.
Emily beams and wordlessly opens the refrigerator, gesturing grandly to the dip, offering it to Beca. However, Beca shakes her head and grins. "I'll wait until the party," she says.
Chloe's eyebrows lift in surprise. She'd assumed Beca wasn't planning on going to the party. But, she's not about to complain; she'll take any time she can get with Beca, especially now that she knows they'll still be living in the same house for a while.
Beca finishes her water with a last gulp, then places the cup next to the sink to be washed later. She gives Emily a thin-lipped smile, and turns to leave the kitchen, presumably headed for the stairs. The path takes her right past where Chloe sits.
Automatically, Chloe rises from her chair, expecting to draw Beca into a hug as Emily had done. Instead, however, Beca veers around her sharply.
"Oh, um –" Beca says, but keeps moving without a backward glance at Chloe, though her ears turn a light shade of pink. She reaches the stairs and bounds up them, taking two at a time.
Chloe can only stare after her retreating back. She hears Beca reach the landing, then nothing.
Robotically, Chloe lowers herself to perch back in her chair. The excitement in her chest is gone, replaced by an empty ache. She looks up, half-expecting to see Emily staring at her with the same confusion she feels, but Emily doesn't seem to have noticed anything as she stands at the sink runs hot water to wash the dishes.
Upstairs, Chloe hears someone knock on a door, then the sounds of that door opening and closing.
Chloe swallows, her mouth suddenly cottony. "Em, if you've got this, I'll…"
"Yep!" Emily chirps over her shoulder, hands already plunged into the soapy water.
Chloe stands again from her chair, then turns and makes her way up the stairs on autopilot. She should be happy and excited that Beca's staying in town, but all she can think about is the detached look on Beca's face as she had stepped around her in the kitchen to avoid touching her.
God. She'd been sure it was because of Jesse. She'd hoped it was because of Jesse.
She makes for her room, passing Cynthia Rose's closed door as well as Stacie's. Cynthia Rose must be playing music, she notes dimly, registering voices from inside the room but unable to focus on them.
If Jesse isn't the reason Beca won't touch her… then that means Chloe is. She must have done something or said something, or – icy panic fills Chloe's veins as she steps into her bedroom. What if – somehow – Beca's figured it out? If Beca knows how she feels?
Jesus. God. Shit.
That must be it. That has to be it. Beca knows, and she's grossed out and doesn't want Chloe to touch her anymore because of it. She thinks that Chloe's a creepy, weird predator, and doesn't want anything to do with her.
Chloe's heart drops and she can feel herself spiraling. She can't not touch Beca; that's how she shows she cares about someone, and, god, if Beca's really planning on staying in the Bella house for the rest of the summer, then how the hell is Chloe supposed to be around her, if there's this wall up now between them, and it's just –
Breathing hard, Chloe throws herself to her laptop and wrenches it open, pulling up the first playlist she can find on it. She plays it at full volume, focusing as hard as she can on the music and trying her hardest to not think.
The first time Chloe can tell Beca and Jesse have had sex, she has to excuse herself from the kitchen to run to the bathroom.
She's sitting in the kitchen with Stacie and Flo, both of whom nurse severe hangovers from the previous night's "Welcome Back to School Hell" Treble party. Chloe, though, is completely fine as per usual. Physically, anyway.
Her mind churns far more than her stomach does; she hopes that she'd been imagining things, that she hadn't actually seen what she'd thought she'd seen before leaving the party last night. She hopes that Beca's safely in her attic room upstairs, sleeping off the hangover.
Chloe had messed up; she'd lost track of Beca at the Treble party. Ordinarily, she barely lets Beca out of her sight at those parties. There's too much risk of some random guy hitting on her, or for her to become too drunk and get handsier with Jesse than she normally would. Last night, however, Beca had somehow slipped under Chloe's radar. She'd assumed that Beca had gotten tired, had left the party early, and was already out of the Treble house. So, Chloe had rounded everyone up and had been on the way out the door when something, a noise maybe, had made her glance back into the house.
She'd caught just the barest glimpse of the back of someone who could have been Beca rising from the stairs, apparently having tripped, and being guided up them by someone Chloe couldn't quite see but might have been Jesse. She told herself then – and she tells herself now – that it wasn't Beca and Jesse, that it was someone else looking for a vacant bedroom, because she thought Beca was planning on making Jesse wait longer.
Chloe takes a deep breath through her nose, inhaling the scent of coffee in the air. She'd been mistaken last night. Beca's in her room upstairs, and she's going to come down any minute, and the knot in Chloe's stomach will all have been for nothing and it won't matter that she didn't follow her gut instinct to go back into the Treble house in search of Beca. Chloe's almost managed to convince herself that she hears Beca's footsteps coming down the stairs.
That is, until the front door swings open and a yawning Beca shuffles through, heading immediately into the kitchen and the coffee pot. She's wearing the same clothes as the night before and sporting a massive hickey on her neck that makes the knot in Chloe's stomach twist and tighten.
Beca has never spent the night after a party before.
She's never shown up wearing the same outfit the next morning.
As soon as Stacie sees Beca, she lets out a squeal that makes everyone flinch. "Oh my god," she cries, "you – you and Jesse – you –"
Beca lifts an eyebrow at Stacie's stuttering, a pink tinge creeping up her neck and into her cheeks.
Chloe sits and watches as if from far away. A brick appears in her throat, scraping down her esophagus to plop into her stomach, where it stays. No, maybe Stacie's wrong, maybe Beca just slept on his futon or something, or just slept next to him, maybe that's it. Chloe wants to cover her ears and eyes, wants to hide, wants to block out any affirmation that Beca – her Beca – and Jesse –
"You Hunted! And got some!" Stacie finally manages, utterly delighted. Even Flo perks up at that, looking at Beca with renewed interest.
Chloe wants desperately for Beca to deny it, to make a face and hide in her room like every other time Stacie's brought up her and Jesse's sex life, to explain that no, she's waiting for someone better to come along, but –
A corner of Beca's mouth lifts into an awkward and slightly sheepish smile, and her eyes flick around the room, hesitating at Chloe's for a second. Then, Beca nods once, confirming it, and resumes filling her coffee mug.
The world falls from under Chloe's feet at the same time she bolts up from her chair and throws herself toward the stairs. Even as she's climbing them, taking two at a time, she can hear Stacie's voice: "How was he? What did you think? It was your first time, right? Did he ask you to –" and then she's covering her ears as she runs, not wanting to know what he asked Beca to do, not wanting to know what Beca felt and how Jesse is in bed.
She's both surprised and not surprised that it had finally happened; surprised because it's been almost a year and a half since Beca and Jesse started dating, and she'd been starting to think – hope – it would never happen, and also not surprised because she's been expecting this to happen from the first time she saw them kiss.
God, she hopes he treated her like she deserves, took the time to talk it through with her, make sure everything felt good for her, went slowly so she never felt any pain.
Before she can stop herself, she's picturing it as she runs to the bathroom –
Jesse undressing her, Jesse on top of her, Beca's face, Beca's bare body, Beca's hands on his back,
Beca and Jesse, Beca and Jesse Beca and Jesse BecaandJesseBecaandJesseBecaandJesse
– and she almost doesn't make it, but manages to fling herself into the bathroom and lock the door before she's violently sick into the toilet.
Later, she tells Beca – when Beca asks – that she must have drank too much the night before.
For some reason, Beca believes her.