Chapter 59
Bittersweet Reunion

I kept finding excuses to wander down to the detention level, hoping beyond hope that I would see my friend again. I wondered the grounds expecting that perhaps they had let him out where he would be put to work as they had said he would be, but for some reason I couldn't find him anywhere, until one day I turned a corner and saw him at last.

John Clare stood right before me, but I could tell with one look, I was not to go up to him but pretend we were complete strangers. I couldn't keep my eyes off him, though. No one could. John was different from others. So much different. With his shocking marbled skin, yellow eyes and the crooked winding scars on his face. To others he was a new intimidating stranger, but to me he was a shining ray of hope.

Negan was near when we came face to face at last and made his way over to me, once John had been herded away with several other workers to labor outside like I expected. Maybe Negan mistook my look of awe for appall like the rest of the people nearby and he leaned down knowingly.

"Tell me about it." He announced as if he believed he could read my thoughts. "Saved one of my guy's ass apparently. At first glance, they mistook him for a biter. Scary as hell, isn't he? Didn't want to be a Savior, but I get the feeling he'll be a real good worker. What do you think?"

A jolt of fury shot through me by those words but I tried to maintain the awed startled expression on my face. "I-I think…" But I didn't know what to say. The right words never came to me. "Why does he look like that?" I asked, trying to hide behind a question I already knew the answer to.

"Not sure. He wouldn't say. Why don't you ask him?"

My head bowed and I turned slightly. "I don't want to." I settled on before continuing with a curious sideways glance. "When he got here, what did he say?

"Not much of a talker unfortunately, but he said he'd been traveling alone for quite a while. Seems to be able to take care of himself pretty well. Bit of a loner is what I gathered. What do you think of him?"

I glanced towards John's back with an expression I hoped looked frightened. It was best if Negan believed I wouldn't go near him. I could hear the wheels turning in that man's brain and knew what he was after. "I think… I think he's a killer." I settled on in a strained voice. "I think he's capable of anything."

It was a risky statement, but I felt Negan might've been looking for men just like what I described; people capable of anything, ergo someone he saw potential in. Even so, maybe my statement had just the effect to make Negan a little suspicious now. He'd probably want John watched for a while, just till he could make up his own opinion about him.

I, on the other hand, turned away, working hard to keep my expression stoic. Inside though, I was bursting with happiness. John was here and he was on my side. At long last, I had a friend here. John was here for me and as soon as there was an opportunity, he would contact me, I just had to be patient. But that was hard; so, freaking hard when all I wanted was to rush to him and throw my arms around his neck in pure joy.

Was he thinking that way about me? He looked so angry. But maybe that was just to keep up whatever front he was playing with the Saviors. I had to trust that John had a plan, and when he was ready, he would come to me.

Flashback
It was brisk and chilly out today, but the sun still shone and it smelled nice and inviting inside the forest. An owl hooted somewhere in greeting and there were no walkers or dogs or wildmen anywhere I could sense. Plus, I was in a pretty good mood. John and I had found a lot of food the day before and deposited it at the gate, undetected, where it was distributed around town equally and fairly. It was a rare and pleasant time when I felt good about something, so I skipped the whole way to the island.

The house was empty when I got there, but I knew John would be back soon for our lesson. He never missed one after all. His absence seemed to inspire a devilish sort of idea to grow in my mind. So, I decided to play a friendly prank on my friend. Just like clockwork, John arrived at the cottage carrying what looked like a potted plant as he surveyed the room curiously in search for me.

"Beetle?"

When silence greeted him, he turned to leave, figuring he'd find me somewhere else. It was so thrilling to see how I was fooling him and the butterflies in my stomach flitted around me so much I couldn't manage to suppress the giggle that escaped.

John heard it and turned back to glance around, smirking as he suspected a surprise. "Beetle, I know you're heeere." He announced in a playful singsong tone. "Come on out. You know I can hear you."

When he was in position I leapt from the rafters, landing atop his shoulders.

"BEETLE BOMB!" I cried hugging him around his neck. My light weight didn't so much as shake him. He remained as grounded and as strong as ever even when I tried to take him off guard.

I leaned over his head, gazing into his eyes upside down. "I got you!"

"You got me." He confirmed, smiling up proudly.

"And now you're blind!" I covered his eyes in added triumph.

"Tiny hands…" John sighed putting the plant down on the table so he could reach around and pluck me from his shoulders. "My only weakness."

I seemed to take notice the particular plant he had today and glowed with excitement. "Ooh, a new tree. It's a bonsai willow!" Those trees were so hard to grow, and to find one in such good condition… it was unheard of. "How'd you get that?"

He smiled slyly. "How do you think I got it?"

I paused at the thought then my eyes grew wide and sparked with imagination as a whole adventure sprang to life before me.

I recited a tale of John finding a secret garden, much like the island, only concealed inside a skyscraper. The tree was in the center of the marvelous garden and would grant magical powers that would stop pain and help people, which is why he needed it. When he tried to approach the tree, he met an old man who was actually a wizard that was evil. The wizard summoned a demon hoard that John had to battle. The first time the hoard threw him out a window, but he landed on a giraffe that caught him.

The giraffe offered him some valuable advice on how he could defeat the wizard and get the tree.

John took the advice and went back to face the wizard again. But the wizard had more tricks and the demon hoard fought John again and there were many times where it seemed like John would fail but each time he was able to push through by thinking and remembering that back home his Beetle was waiting for him to come back.

Finally, the giraffe came to the rescue again and with his help they defeated the hoard and wizard and finally claimed the tree that would help them. And John was able to return home where his Beetle was waiting for him.

John's face remained completely straight as he looked at me once my tale was complete. "Yes. That is exactly what happened."

"Wow really?"

"…No."

Present Day
I spent days looking over my shoulder for my friend, needing to maintain the fright in my gaze. It was hard when all I wanted to do was smile in hope and longing and perhaps throw my arms around him.

When would he let me speak with him? I was aching in need of a friend so bad, especially when today was promised to be horrible.

Negan had called an assembly today and by the tone of it and the man bound to a chair at the center of the hall, it was not going to be good. I followed where Frankie told me to stand by her and the other wives, while the workers and lower Saviors stood on the other side of the court. There seemed to be some sort of invisible line that kept the higher ranks from mixing with lower members. Even with the line we all seemed to gather together around a bright and burning furnace of some sort where a few men were stoking the flames prudently. There was a man whose form was bowed and he looked to be sobbing while he was tied in a chair right in front of the furnace.

At the sight of it all, I had an uncomfortable feeling about what was going to happen.

Curiously, I searched the crowd, wondering if I could see John's face among them, but I wasn't able to find him.

Just then every single head turned to watch as Negan and his lieutenants entered the assembly, looking intimidating and displeased. At the sight of their masters everyone seemed to drop immediately to their knees in a bow. Everyone but me and surprisingly the wives as well.

Negan passed by his "family" and cast us all a disturbing glance, his eyes lingering on a woman who was on the brink of tears. Sherry attempted to comfort her but it seemed like they all knew what was about to happen. He turned and faced the assembly, his voice carried up through the echoing rafters as he indicated to the sobbing man in the chair.

"This man, Dear Matt, did a very bad thing. What you are all about to witness is going to be unpleasant. It doesn't have to be, it doesn't even have to happen. Fucking hell I wish it wouldn't. I wish I could just let this slide. Ignore the rules. But I can't. Why?"

And in answer every single person, aside from me, immediately responded with, "THE RULES KEEP US ALIVE!"

I looked around, stunned by the display as Negan continued.

"That's right. We survive, we provide security for others, we bring civilization back to the world—we're the Saviors. And we can't do that without rules. The rules are what makes everything work." He turned towards the furnace and donned a protective leather glove. Another man reached deep into the fire with a pole and retracted a glowing metal item. It glowed so hot that I at first didn't quite make out what the shape of it was. An old-fashioned iron, made entirely out of metal and glowing white with the heat from the flames.

With the revelation I suddenly understood what was about to happen.

"As you know, wondering the wilds is dangerous. Leaving the Sanctuary puts us all at great risk, especially when you do it alone. If the wrong sort of fuckers found out where our base is, they could descend on us and kill every last person behind our walls. Every man, lady and kid would be at risk. Matt wanted to leave, he wanted to convince one of my wives, his little sister, to come away with him. But Sierra had the good sense to warn me before he did anything stupid. If there was something wrong maybe you should have come to talk to me about it, Matt? But since you didn't, I'm now forced to do this, and I have to make sure everyone sees. Why?"

"THE RULES KEEP US ALIVE!" Everyone responded instantly.

"Some people think things aren't fair here. Maybe things can get a bit extreme, but there's a system to it, and if you live by that system, understand it, and respect it, then things will be okay for you. But it comes with a price… and there are penalties when you don't want to pay that price. But pay it, we must!" The he lowered right next to the man's face, whispering right to him, so that only he, and people with very good hearing, would know what he said. "Sorry, Matt. It is, what it is."

And with that, the burning iron was pushed into the side of his face.

The man's screams filled the rafters, nearly shaking the whole building as the heat bit into his face.

The sight was terrible, but worst was the smell of it. I wanted to wretch at the horror of it or turn away in rising disgust, but something kept my eyes on it, while I stood there. As horrified as I was, it was also fascinating in a sickening putrid sort of way. As much as I wanted to, I wasn't able to turn from the sight. When it was all through, Negan pulled the iron from his face and I nearly vomited when globs of the man's own flesh stuck and sizzled right against the red-hot metal. He wasn't in the least bit disturbed by it and set the iron on the stone, removing the protective glove. He regarded the man in the chair, who'd lost consciousness and control of his bladder during the ordeal.

With a scoff of aversion, he turned away. "Pissed himself. Pussy." Then he looked to the rest of the crowd. "This matter is settled. All is forgiven. Mark will forever bear the shame of his actions on his face, all will know what he's done. I hope that we have all learned something today. Because I really don't fucking want to do that shit ever again!"

Every time I thought Negan couldn't get worse, he surprised me once more. There really were no limits to his repugnance. He must have seen my expression because he came up to me and bore down, speaking in a hush while he smiled maliciously.

"I bet you think I'm a complete lunatic."

My face rearranged into something stoic while I looked up at him, a clear challenge in my voice. "Monsters will do monstrous things. I'm far more disgusted than surprised anymore."

The smile dropped from his face. With nothing to respond to my statement he only turned away. The crowd dispersed at that time and two men dragged Matt away so the doctor could attend to him. Just as I was about to go about my business, I felt movement behind me and something was tucked into my opened hand. Startled, I looked around just in time to watch a little kid dodging away without so much as a single word or explanation. I glanced down at the object, catching sight of the thing he'd given me.

A note fastened closed with a wax seal. Imprinted in the dried wax was a circle with a winding stitch through the middle of it and I knew with one glance whom it was from. My eyes searched the room as people began to disperse with the show of punishment over now.

I caught a brief glimpse of John's back as he exited through a door at the far end. He didn't look my way or seemed to even acknowledge me, but I knew what this was. I pocketed the note and walked away waiting till I was alone in a hallway to open the message. The familiar formal scroll of John's calligraphy greeted me as I looked down at the four brief words.

Flooded closet. Third floor.

It didn't say what time, so I assumed it meant now. Without waiting, I climbed the stairs to the third floor following the path of the hallways until my feet stepped in water. It seemed I was headed in the right direction so I followed the path until the water submerged up to my ankles and my boots were leaking.

Just then, I heard voices of three men not far off and pressed against a corner, staying quiet while they spoke.

"Look at this mess! Goddamned pipe had to burst out of nowhere!"

"We'll need to close the hall off for a while until we can find someone who used to be a plumber to sort this all out."

"Old fucking pipes…"

I had a feeling the pipe bursting from out of nowhere had been no coincidence today. The moment they were gone I waded through the water and looked up to see a sign that said Broom Closet on a rusted old door at the end of the hallway.

I slipped inside, double checking to be sure the coast was indeed clear. I backed inside and ran into something solid.

Just as I had hoped, John stood right before me, a tower of comfort and protection. My eyes burned from the mere sight of him and I choked. At last I was allowed to throw my arms around him in the privacy of the small compartment. He lifted me in his arms, holding me close as I buried my face in his shoulder.

In that moment, all the rage and pain and fear and desperation I had been feeling since I arrived here—everything that had happened since his departure those years ago, came pouring out of me in huge unfiltered sobs. Ever since he had left there was a piece of me he took away with him and a loneliness that engulfed me grew up from that missing hole.

"John! John! John!" I cried with unfiltered joy and relief. "I-I missed you… s-so m-much!"

"Oh, my little Beetle, I missed you, too." He responded back with the same joy. Then he leaned back to gage the state I was in. I wondered how I may have looked to him. Was I ashy and pale? Did I look thinner than when he remembered me? Was the light in my eyes gone? Had there ever been light?

He pressed a hand to my cheek as he gazed at me sadly. "What has happened to you?"

The tears cascaded down more profoundly by those sweet, tender words and I couldn't answer him for some reason. The thought of all that had happened since he left had a powerful, painful impact on me. I just didn't think I could talk about it. Instead, I responded with a question of my own. "Why did you leave me? Tell me again. I can't remember."

"Neither can I," He whispered softly, holding me tighter. "I'm so sorry, Judith. I should have protected you."

"D-don't leave me again, John. Please." I begged pathetically, gripping his coat. "I c-can't do it again. I can't stand to watch you go. Promise you won't leave me."

"I will not leave you again. I promise, Beetle."

I sobbed a bit more, so many emotions rolling through me that I couldn't focus on a single one individually. Happiness and helplessness raged side by side and it was quite a while before I was able to calm down enough to speak coherently again. And that whole time John did nothing but hold me close to him, letting me cry for as long as I needed. And when the tears were used up, he kept his hold on me even after there was nothing left but numbness.

Eventually though, he decided to sit, and even after he found a seat on an old worn out bucket his hold on me remained.

"It's okay now, Beetle." He said to me oh so gently. "We'll make it right."

The kindness radiating from him was almost painful for a small part of me sort of thought I didn't deserve it. Now I believed I understood mildly of how Daryl had felt when I attempted to embrace him that first time. After a long moment, I spoke once more. "How did you find me? What made you come back?"

He sighed wearily. "I had a strange dream—a very strange frightful dream. I saw you working tirelessly in the forest. A crown of flowers was on your head and a dog was by your side, and you seemed very content. Suddenly the day grew dark and a pit opened up right from under you. You didn't fall right away but seemed to hover like a giant fan was under you, keeping you leveled. I tried to run to you, to take your hand and bring you to solid ground but you were swallowed up before I could reach you. It seemed to be some kind of reoccurring nightmare; different scenarios of you laboring carelessly until that same pit opened from under you to swallow you whole. It hung over me for such a long time, that eventually I couldn't ignore it. I just felt there was something deeply wrong and that you were in danger. I couldn't simply do nothing."

"Did you go to Alexandria?"

"I did. I met your brother and your friend Enid when they were in the woods. They were wisely cautious of me but I told them I was looking for you and that we were old friends."

"John, that was dangerous. You know how edgy my people are among strangers."

"I know, but I somehow felt those two may have been more accepting than others."

"What did they say?"

"I asked them where you were and told them things about you only they would know and to prove I was a friend I told them about the island. Once I gained their trust they told me you'd been taken by these… people." He spat the word like throwing something disgusting away. "I came to join them as soon as I heard. I'm sorry for the deceit."

"No, I'm happy you're here." And I rested my head against his chest where I could listen to the strange mechanical tick of his clockwork heart. "I'm so happy to see you again, John. I never thought I'd see you again."

"I didn't think I'd see you again either, Little Beetle."

I smiled at the sound of his nick name for me. It was so wonderful to hear it spoken in his voice again. "I missed that. I missed being your Beetle."

He held me closer and we stayed like that for a long moment, merely hugging each other.

"How did you find this place?"

"It was easy. I followed one of their scouting groups. They got swarmed all of a sudden and one of them had a broken leg. While the rest of his group ran to save their own lives, I stopped to help him and killed the other bodies before they devoured him. I swung him over my shoulder and bolted out of the herd while he was delusional from the pain. I found shelter in an abandoned house and when he became lucid enough, he gave me directions on how to reach their so-called Sanctuary so I could bring him back for the doctor. None of them knew who I was, but they can't let me go since I know where their base is, along with the cure they've hoarded here."

He sighed again that day, looking at me apologetically because he must have heard by now. "I'm so sorry. I should have been with you. This never would have happened if I had stayed."

"Please don't blame yourself, John. You didn't attack or kidnap me. None of this was your fault, so don't feel guilty for any of it. You didn't even have to come back for me, but you did. I mean, we haven't seen each other for two years and we only knew one another for those few months. And I'm not the same person I was when you knew me. You didn't have to risk so much at all. So… I'm sorry. I don't mean to be rude, but…" My voice was shaky as I found sudden interest in a stain in a corner of the wall while more tears pooled around my eyes. "Why would you do all this for me?"

He lifted my face up and gently tucked my hair behind my ear, holding a fond smile as his yellow eyes ran over my face. "Because I believe you are person who deserves to be helped."

My head bowed and more tears fell on my lap. "I don't know how I can repay you."

"You don't have to pay me back. You don't owe me a debt, Judith. I will do this because I care about you, just as everything you do is for someone you care about. You are not the only one who tries to be selfless at times."

I leaned back against his chest, feeling safer with his arms over me. "I'm sorry. Sometimes I forget. I haven't met many selfless people in this place."

"It seems the trait is rather endangered. I will do all I can for you, but you must never contact me, understand? I was afraid you would give me away when you saw me, but you've gotten even cleverer since the last we spoke together."

"It was pretty hard." I admitted. "When I saw you, all I wanted to do was run and hug you right away. You have no idea how much I need a friend on my side right now. I'm so, so happy you're with me."

"Then it pains me that I stopped you. That would have certainly cheered me after the journey I've endured. Though, I am proud of you for the restraint." He paused just then as he seemed to listen for something I couldn't detect. "I feel we've stayed for too long. I wish we had more time to catch up but it doesn't seem as though that will be the best idea. Continue to appear frightened of me, Judith. It will ward away suspicion. In the meantime, I must ask you to trust me. I have formulated a plan. I can't tell you what it all entails, that will take too long, but believe me when I say I will do my best to get you out of here and strike down that horrendous monster that has ensnared you. But I must cripple these people so that none like him can rise to take his place when I do."

My brow lowered with determination. "I trust you, John. But…"

"What, Beetle?"

I looked up at him with large imploring eyes. "Is there a way you could… help my Uncle Daryl? He's a prisoner here too. They parade him around like a slave and he wears a sweat suit with a big letter A on the front. He's been here for so long and he's had to stay here while the rest of us have forgotten about him back home. Please just… even if you can't help me, help him. Help him escape."

He paused as he thought it over. "Alright, I'll see what I can do."

"Just a minute," I tugged on his sleeve, considering something just then. I couldn't even imagine what kind of damage his mind had been put through in this place and it only occurred to me then that he might not trust John if he tried to set him free, so I tried to think of something personal to promote his good faith in John's aid. "He might not trust you if you try to set him free. He might think it's a trick, so if you could tell him that L'lil Ass-Kicker sent you and that I don't blame him and that… that my aim is much better since I was four and I think he'd be proud. I'm sure he'll know what it means and that he'll be able to trust you for that."

John put a hand on my shoulder and smiled proudly with my foresight. "I will do all I can." Then he leaned forward and kissed me once on the forehead as he had done once long ago, when he left me the first time.

"I will go first, Little Beetle. Wait ten minutes and then follow. If any press you about where you were…"

"Don't worry," I finished for him assertively. "I'll think of something good. I always do."

He tucked my hair once more behind my ear and smiled. "If I must contact you again, I will send a bird to your window. There will be writing, merely gibberish though. The true message will be invisible of which you can read with juice and heat, to avoid suspicion."

"So, the ravens are with you, too?"

"They follow me everywhere, as you recall. Everyone needs their flock, after all."

"I hope you can be part of mine after all this."

He paused for a moment to consider my words. Was it possible that maybe, just maybe he would consider it this time. "I will think on it. Perhaps, it may finally be time."

"You'll be with me, so it'll be okay, right?"

He smiled. "Yes… perhaps it will."

Before he got up, I leaned forward and embraced him once more. "I love you, John. Thank you so much."

I felt him stiffen slightly as he took in my words, almost like he was shocked I would say something like that. And then finally he returned my frail hold, hugging me securely.

"Oh… I love you, too, Beetle."

Then he stood and slipped out the door. As he instructed, I waited ten minutes before exiting after, sloshing through the water. An enormous burst of hope was in my chest and excited little butterflies flew around my stomach. I felt like a kid in John's presence—a real kid. There was no need to pretend to be brave or strong around him. He knew me like no one else did. He saw me for all my flaws and weaknesses but still knew who I really was. I didn't have to stress to impress him with feats of strength, stubbornness, or intelligence. He had known me since I was small, so small and had taught and guided me through nearly everything.

If there was only one person in the world I could trust completely, it was John.

Author's Notes: So, I was a little inspired by Steven Universe for the fluffy little flashback of John and Judith playing pranks on each other. I wanted their relationship to be filled with lightheartedness and fun.

There were a few people that had some questions about the story to which I will answer now:

Casualreader: "This makes me want to learn how to use tarot cards, do you use them?"

I don't use them (though I'd really like to get my own deck or even design my own cards), but I've done research on them and I've read a few books on the different meanings. It's really interesting. For legit fortune tellers you actually need to be born with the gift. I've gone to psychics in the past who have read my fortune to me with the cards as well as read my palm and, I kid you not, there's some serious talent you've got to be born with in order to get that much of my life right!

Guest: "So does Negan want to be Judith's dad or something?"

Negan wants to have a family very badly, but there's some stuff going on behind the curtain that is preventing him from achieving that and it's causing a lot of frustration for him. He's got multiple wives after all and was very clearly disappointment when he found out Sherry wasn't pregnant. He has a picture in his mind of what he wants in his hypothetical children to be like, but since he isn't having any luck he's turned to the next alternative. In his heart he knows that Judith isn't ever going to think of him like that, but if she ever were to get past her disgust of him, he'd like a platonic child/guardian relationship with her. I think since he came from a teaching background, the thought of raising and looking after kids has always appealed to him (he wouldn't have been a gym teacher if it hadn't after all).

I think if Judith didn't have Rick, like if she were an orphan or something, Negan would have adopted her or I guess taken her under his wing, as he's sort of trying to do, and it would have been easier to raise her his way and not have to worry so much about outsiders influencing her so much.

I'll explore his feelings about that more in further chapters, but for now this is all I can really tell you.

Guest: "What is Judith? Plz update!"

All in good time, my friend! ;)