Chapter 15 Confessions

"So you know him, their killer?"

Shikamaru carefully observed Sasuke as emotions flicked across his face, watched him squirm. He was clearly trying to figure out how to approach answering what was clearly not a rhetorical question even though both knew the answer already. Sasuke had all but admitted it before. In truth, Shikamaru's intent was more focused on feeling out Sasuke's relationship with the murderer than ascertaining the identity.

"Yes, I do," Sasuke finally bit out, deciding that there was nothing to gain in denying it at this point.

"Tell me about that day."

Shikamaru's tone of voice was light, gentle, yet Sasuke couldn't help but feel cornered anyway. And he was. If he kept quiet, he'd never be able to leave Konoha. If he kept quiet, he may never be able to meet his…. he shouldn't. There wasn't much to tell, anyway. There was a big lump in his throat, telling felt like giving up.

"I was out, practicing. When I came back to the compound, everyone was dead."

Dead bodies on the streets. Blood pooling on the ground, soaking into it.

"Why were you out practicing when everyone else was at the compound?"

"Sasuke, you are not useless! You weren't even there..."

"My…. I was trying out a new training ground on the other side of town."

"Why?"

Itachi had mentioned it a couple of times in passing. Had said he'd be there later that afternoon. Sasuke hadn't thought anything of it, not even when Itachi didn't show up; by then it had been normal for his older brother to be distanced and unreliable.

"...I made sure you weren't."

He hadn't even realized he'd been manipulated until Itachi had admitted to it.

"Why do we need to talk about that?" It hurt to remember; what was the point?

"Just answer the question."

"My brother liked to use it." It sounded as innocent as it had seemed to him at the time. Shikamaru wouldn't suspect anything from that, would he?

"When you got back, what happened?"

Dead bodies everywhere. His brother and a sword, the lifeless forms of his parents in front of him. His brother turning around, the Mangekyou –

Sasuke cut off his thoughts. "We left," he simply replied.

Shikamaru felt the resistance. Sasuke was subtly avoiding substantial answers, but what he said only cemented his suspicions. The whole massacre had been planned and Sasuke had been cleverly protected, quite likely by manipulating him to stay far away that day.

And the brother, Uchiha Itachi, Shikamaru had looked him up and knew of his accomplishments. Sasuke was omitting details on how they had escaped. He used the word "left" instead of "fled." The Nara was sure that said brother had a hand in the massacre now, that he hadn't just managed to hide and then flee with Sasuke. It was only a matter of extracting a confirmation. He had to stay careful, though. Even though agitation on Sasuke's behalf might make him more likely to reveal the knowledge he sought, it could end in an explosion if he were pushed too hard. Shikamaru wanted to avoid that.

So far, his strategy was working. He had to be careful to not ask questions that might lead to lies, though Shikamaru had a hunch that there was a reason that Sasuke hadn't fabricated any up to this point. He only had to find all the why's and piece them together.

"How did you get away?"

Tears of blood on Itachi's face, hands pushing his head back into the crook of his brother's neck, shielding him from the flames eating at his world.

"I passed out at some point. He carried me."

"Who?"

Sasuke grit his teeth like the answer hurt him. He finally spit out, "You know who." He squinted his eyes and clawed the bedsheets, looking rather upset.

It ran through Shikamaru's head to ask when he'd met the murderer. But then, if the brother and the murderer were really the same person, he wouldn't be able to predict the route of Sasuke's answers. Right now, he was clearly keeping the two identities separate. If he chose to lie, he may put the blame of his capture on "the murderer" to keep the brother-identity intact. "When" was too open a question. Shikamaru decided to take a different path instead.

"Your brother... Itachi, right? What is he like?"

Sasuke looked away and bit his lip, fingers twitching. Itachi, what was he like?

"Only ask questions when you are sure you want the answers," his brother had once said.

Sasuke wished the answer was simpler, that the truth could be found, but Itachi was right. Truth didn't truly exist. It was all a matter of perspective and knowledge. He didn't know how much knowledge he wanted to give—he wasn't even sure how much he wanted to get—but the pull of digging for answers was too strong. Shikamaru may fill in some blanks, and he may conversely decide to withhold things, like Itachi did.

"I won't deny what I did, Sasuke, but no matter what happens, what decisions we both make, remember always, you are my Otouto and I love and cherish you!"

"Conflicted?" he tried.

What Itachi had said throughout that speech still haunted him. Sasuke had no idea what to do with Itachi's advice or with his admission. It had felt honest, too honest.

Too contradicting. Like the kind, loving brother was still there below the manipulating clan-killer.

Itachi had embraced the fact that he had killed their family. Never once had he denied his part in their demise, nor did he say why he'd done it. Not really. "For peace" just didn't cut it and he'd mentioned that only once, anyway.

"Cold, but not…"

The man who had Itachi's face carried it with cold indifference most of the time. A hollow human shell, pretending to be angry and fierce. Life would flicker in those black eyes only when he was desperate and afraid for Sasuke, or when he was proud of him. And often, those had been the moments Sasuke had worked for, despite his denying it. And only occasionally, late at night, when he believed Sasuke to be asleep, the facade would slip and his face would age with guilt and loneliness, become tired and worn.

"...not indifferent."

He'd been an unforgiving instructor. He taught Sasuke everything he could in his disciplined, nearly ruthless way. But he'd also been patient, so patient, pride shining in his eyes every so often. And he saw to it that Sasuke could learn things that Itachi's expertise couldn't cover, too.

Itachi would get mad, but not often. If he got angry, it was usually warranted, and often followed by a lecture, or a demonstration. He would berate Sasuke if he was sloppy. Itachi didn't promote suffering, he didn't teach how to drag things out, but he took the time Sasuke needed to learn and made sure he had things down with calm professionalism.

"Patient..."

But what kind of brother encouraged assassinations against his person, always, at any time, except for maybe one who didn't want to live? Sasuke had wondered about that a lot. Itachi was never mad at Sasuke's unsuccessful attempts against his life, not even if Sasuke injured him. He just seemed unsympathetic.

There also was that one time when he'd known that Itachi had pretended to be asleep and done nothing when Sasuke had held a kunai to his temple. Sasuke hadn't been able to drive it down in the end. It felt like failure, and Itachi's tears didn't give off the feel of relief. If anything, they consisted of defeated acceptance. But no words had ever been lost. Life had gone on.

"...but unforgiving."

Itachi had tried to hide his illness from him. Had tried to hide the fact that he was coughing up blood. Itachi always pushed and pushed, making sure Sasuke would survive even when Sasuke didn't want to.

He'd willingly taken the slave seal to save Sasuke's life three years ago. At least he'd been consistent on the fact that he wanted Sasuke alive up till then.

Now, however, he demanded they be on opposite sides. It felt like a one-up from the assassination attempts and Sasuke just wanted to know why. It was confusing. Why was everything Itachi did so...

"Relentless." His voice wavered. No words could grasp Itachi.

"You don't know how to feel about him," Shikamaru concluded, and Sasuke grudgingly "hn"ed in response.

"Why? He saved you."

Sasuke grit his teeth. "You haven't met him. He's… unsettling."

An interesting claim. Sasuke appeared to be thinking on highly emotional levels now and it seemed to be reaching a point of unconsciously switching from being evasive to being elaborative. Sasuke wanted to understand, and he may want to be understood if Shikamaru could maneuver his questioning toward a weak point.

"He raised you."

"Yeah," Sasuke admitted.

"Did he train you?"

"Hn."

Falling back into non-committal responses. Time to push a bit. "It is astonishing that he managed to teach you and keep your heritage hidden at the same time."

"He was thorough and uncompromising."

"Must have been hard to keep up to his expectations."

Sasuke hated Shikamaru for bringing that up.

Itachi had been trying to keep them alive and unrecognized. Of course the expectations had been high and training had been harsh. It had been their life; failing may have meant someone's death. He knew Itachi would kill anyone who may be a threat to their secret. But Itachi had been there every step of the way back then.

He'd held him through panic attacks. Protected him. He'd taught him how to protect himself, how to hide himself. He only stopped a temper tantrum when they were in real danger. He'd let Sasuke channel his emotions, and showed him ways to cope in between. Sometimes his methods had been drastic, yes, but he had to make sure that the Sharingan wouldn't just manifest on its own. Those had been very frightening lessons, but he had explained why and made sure that Sasuke understood.

There were lessons on trust—where he just told him to do something without explaining—but Sasuke always came to understand in some way sooner or later. He just had to give it time and thought, wait for a missing piece. And Itachi's eyes would always lit up when he finally got it.

Itachi frequently provided a challenge, made sure to feed the will to learn and keep him on his toes, whether it was with his persona and demeanor or with raising the skill-level. He'd finally given Sasuke what he had so desperately wanted: he finally trained him. He still hadn't been able to catch up.

"He… I… He paced me. Yet, he kept pushing my limits." Sasuke didn't know if it was because he couldn't, or because Itachi had made sure he wouldn't catch up. Itachi was careful what he dished out for Sasuke, though he made sure that he was challenged

"Sounds like a good teacher."

"Hah, he was good at pretty much everything." It was a bitter laugh; Shikamaru's praise of Itachi didn't sit well with him.

"He was quite a bit older than you, though."

"So?"

"Were you jealous? Are you jealous still?"

"No." Sasuke's face contorted in disdain.

"You don't like him. Why?"

"He—" Sasuke cut himself off. "I already told you. He's unsettling."

"Yet you stayed together."

"I had no choice." Sasuke bit out. Then, realizing how that sounded, how true it sounded, added a defeated, "Nowhere to go."

"Why didn't you come back here?"

Sasuke had to pause and consider. "My whole family's gone… what would have been here for me?"

Constant memories on something long gone? He thought about his own question, trying to find an answer.

It may have had something to do with the village, or maybe just with the Sharingan being sought after in general. Itachi had made them hide for years. He'd stressed the importance of staying hidden, explained that the Sharingan was something that some people may want to gain, may hunt him for, and that—as long as Sasuke couldn't protect his eyes—he needed to stay under the radar…

Then, they had gotten separated, and Sasuke had spent his time in slave cages and rebelling rather than training. He had mostly regained his skill mostly now… but he wasn't stronger than back then, was he?

What had changed? Why was it safe here all of a sudden? Why had Itachi always wanted him to connect to the locals? And Itachi had been kind of obsessed with him, his little brother, hadn't he? Sasuke had feared growing attached again. That Itachi would come and kill anyone he'd befriend, which wasn't so far from the truth, as it turned out. He had, after all, threatened Naruto. Sasuke couldn't help but suspect that there was more to it, though.

"You're thinking really hard. Care to share?"

"No."

"Hmm…. Alright, there's another thing I've wondered. You and your brother are both highly trained ninja. How did you get captured by slavers?"

Sasuke narrowed his eyes, squinting them at the onslaught of unpleasant memories. He'd never had someone to talk to about this part of his life: this failure, his guilt. He'd talked to his brother about the massacre, but he'd never had a chance to talk about this with him. He hadn't had a chance before they'd been separated and he'd had no one after that, and suddenly, talking didn't sound like such a bad idea. Maybe Shikamaru could make sense of it. This seemed more doable to talk about than the massacre, and he knew he'd have to give Shikamaru something soon...

"I had known them from around where we lived at the time. They posed as traders. They must have planned it, inserted themselves into our—my life, so I was caught off guard when they made their move, and they managed to poison me while my brother was away on a mission."

He swallowed, his throat felt like it was closing up. Memories flashing.

"They used me as bait and as leverage…" Itachi storming in, then following instructions.

Sasuke shuddered, forcing himself to talk. "...and their gamble paid off. My brother surrendered his freedom to keep me alive."

Sasuke still remembered the words Itachi had said when they'd forcefully been parted, they stood out so much more clearly than their variations from the ride in the carriage.

"Otouto, please be careful! Please, you need to stay alive. I'll figure out a way to get out, I'll find you. I will come. I'll find a way." Even as they had pulled him away, Itachi had kept eye contact, his eyes red and the genjutsu sending over reassurance.

"He was brought to some villa and sold, then they brought me to the slave house."

"Hmm," Shikamaru finally said. "Sounds like your brother loves you a lot."

Sasuke looked up, skeptical, unsure, thoughtful. "Maybe he does." He didn't know what to think anymore.

"You don't sound convinced."

"He…" It crossed Sasuke's mind that he'd just let slip so much about Itachi's character, the "positive" sides, Shikamaru would totally build up Itachi's profile from his words, and Sasuke didn't know how to feel about that. He'd been Itachi's weak spot. But was he still? Was it a good thing that Shikamaru knew this now?

Shikamaru was far too perceptive, though, to settle for such one-dimensional assumptions. Sasuke wasn't sure if Itachi loved him. Was it love, or just some weird obsession? Why had Itachi raised him; why had he taught him all those skills? He really didn't want to tell Shikamaru about these thoughts.

"What did he do to make you unsure?"

Sasuke swallowed and then thought out his answer to prevent getting stuck in it again. He needed to project some amount of authority so Shikamaru would believe his words. "He didn't find me in three years," he pointed out bitterly.

"Weren't you the one who pointed out how hard it is to track a slave?"

Sasuke almost winced at that. Right, he'd explained these difficulties at length for the Nara back when he had come to find a way to fortify their agreement.

"There's one thing I wonder about, you know. What happened to the murderer? You spoke with him and lived, so you must know."

Sasuke grit his teeth. He could lie, or he could tell the truth. He could say that the murderer had fled, or he could say that Itachi had killed him. Either would lead to more questions. He knew that Shikamaru would just redirect the conversation if he tried to evade. He was in a bind there. Could he declare Itachi as innocent? Could he handle saying those words? Could he blatantly deny the truth?

What slipped out was: "I don't know."

"I don't believe you."

Sasuke looked him straight in the eyes, suppressed anger shining through.

"If he was dead, you'd just tell me," Shikamaru continued. "You also said you never got an answer, so that must mean you spoke to him multiple times. You are trying to protect him. Why?"

"I'm not."

"Then what are you trying to achieve?"

"Since you're so good at guessing, why don't you tell me?!"

"I think whatever happened to the murderer is related to how and with whom you escaped."

And there it was. The perceptiveness he'd feared. Sasuke swallowed and looked away.

"Who killed your family, Sasuke?"

Sasuke winced, actually winced at the sound of his name. He so wasn't ready for this. Maybe if he kept asserting his ignorance, Shikamaru would eventually let off.

"I don't know."

"I think you know him very well and that is why you aren't sure what to do about him, on which side to stand."

"I don't know him at all!" Sasuke bit out. He wished nothing more than to know, to understand Itachi, but he didn't.

"Do you now? You just don't know what to believe. He killed your family, and that speaks pretty loudly, but it didn't drown out all the rest for you, did it? That is why you're so unsure, and that is why you are reluctant to tell me the truth. You don't know why he did what he did, but deep inside, you do trust him and you want to protect him."

"No…" The words hit hard, and it manifested in his voice.

"I need to know. You want to know why the massacre happened, narrow it down who did it so I may figure out a motive."

"You're doing this for my psyche evaluation." Sasuke's voice trembled.

"If lack of cooperation is the reason I can't properly assess you, then Tsunade will order you to wear a chakra blocker again, do you realize that? I need to know your motives for why you are so determined to do the research you've been doing. As you yourself have said, it won't bring your family back, and you admitted to knowing who murdered them, so you know who to exact revenge on if you wanted to do it. I need to know why you're still looking!"

Shikamaru had unconsciously leaned forward while talking, Sasuke had shrunk back.

"You want to get cleared as a ninja, I need to know."

"No, please," Sasuke whispered. He'd backed up to the wall and was sitting on his bed, holding his knees now. He felt cornered. This was bad. Sasuke breathed, tried to calm down, tried to think.

Sasuke had this feeling... the questions Shikamaru had asked, how he'd asked them, where they led…

"You already know, don't you?" Sasuke finally said, his voice cracking.

"Just tell me." Shikamaru's voice was calm, nonthreatening.

Sasuke shook his head. He felt dizzy.

"Just tell me!" Words he had used to confront his brother. "Just tell me why!"

Screaming, begging, whispering, it hadn't mattered. Itachi had always kept silent about it. Not even crying had.

"I hate you! You murdered them! I want to know why, please. I just want to know why!"

"My…." Sasuke felt cold. He may have been shaking. How was he supposed to deal with this? He was exhausted. He was alone.

Itachi's message had let him know that there would be no reunion when they met next. And once again, there was no answer as to why, only guessing and frustration. Was there a point in keeping this up…?

"My brother…"

00000

Sasori was dead. Gaara had been as well, now the Elder Chiyo was instead. Sakura felt sick. Victory meant sacrifice, and she was intimately familiar with the consequences. The exhaustion sat in her bones.

It had been a difficult battle. Chiyo had had the lead in their fight after Naruto had ran after Deidara. But they had made it — the puppeteer Sasori, Chiyo's nephew, was dead. They had been too late. The Akatsuki had finished the ritual to extract the One-Tail from Gaara, and he had succumbed to the strain it had put him under. Chiyo had done a life transfer jutsu, and now Sakura was holding her lifeless body.

Sakura cried in grief. She had only known the woman for a very short time, but the respect and admiration had only grown as they traveled and fought together.

Eventually, Chiyo was paid respects, then sealed to be taken back to Suna for a proper burial. The Leaf Shinobi then headed back to Konoha. Kakashi, who was unconscious from overuse of the Mangekyou Sharingan, was being carried by Maito Gai, and everyone looked worse for the wear.

Sakura just shut down, only functioning: running, walking, eating, drinking… whatever was required at the moment.

When they stopped for some sleep, she offered to take first watch. She thought of Chiyo and Gaara. Of Naruto, who had stupidly ran off. Of a still unconscious Kakashi… Tatakai at home...

She wasn't looking forward to dealing with him again.

This mission had been a success, but Sakura wished to know why she couldn't go back to work in the hospital. It would be a good way to spend time instead of thinking about all of these things too much. It would be a way to escape from her apartment.

With Tatakai—and now Naruto—as suitemates, it had ceased to be a fleck of loneliness, but it had also ceased to be a place she could just drop dead into. Gone was the peace, and now also the quiet. She felt kinda like a babysitter now. Tatakai couldn't be trusted and she felt it her responsibility to figure out how to ensure his compliance. The addition of Naruto to their household did not help. For some reason, Naruto had decided he trusted Tatakai far more than was reasonable.

Besides pissing her off, it also had her worried that Tatakai would lead him into danger instead of doing what he claimed: Protecting Naruto.

So many people that had grown to be important to Sakura had just died. The Uchiha massacre had been during her time at school, and she had been infatuated with one of them, but luckily, not incredibly close. It had made her realize how important the job she was studying for would be, though. Once she had started, however, it stepped up a notch. Their third member of the Genin team had been the first to go, and the most shocking, had pushed her into her medical career and obsessing over it. She hadn't been able to save her parents though. She'd been out of town when the attack happened. They had died at the hospital a few days after she had gotten back, but at least she had gotten to say goodbye. It had steeled her resolve to be a good and strong ninja, and she had begun to work even harder, Tsunade had taught her her combat techniques while Naruto was away with Jiraiya on his own study trip.

What had gone wrong that she was not allowed to work at the hospital now and was instead stuck with a stupid prick that didn't want to be there with her, either?

"Hey!" Naruto's voice called over. "It's my turn, go get some sleep."

Sakura sighed and lay down.

00100

Shikamaru had stayed a while, quiet, and for once, it had felt like a supportive presence instead of a threatening one. They didn't talk, and after a while, Shikamaru got up.

"No one else needs to know about your brother right now, so don't worry about it. And if you ever need to talk to someone…" he trailed off.

Sasuke only managed a "hn"

"Well, then, Good evening." the Nara said as he left.

Sasuke, exhausted as he felt, went to bed early and lay awake for a long time. Shikamaru had opened a whole jar of memories and now the images, sensations, talks, just didn't shut down.

They had put the slave seal on him when he was barely conscious, followed by that damned collar, then finally bound him with chains and locked him into the bedroom of their house at that time. Only then they had given him the antidote. They had installed surveillance cameras and left him alone except for bathroom breaks and food once a day in the early morning. Itachi came on the third day.

They had known enough about how the slave seal worked to use it to their advantage, Sasuke had been a mere instrument in their plans. He still recalled it. The noise when he'd returned home, the way the lock on their bedroom door was quickly picked, Itachi yanking it open, gaze worried, a letter in hand. The letter they had warned Sasuke of. The letter they had told Sasuke, needed to be followed to the 'letter' or he'd die and that it even described how it would happen.

He had been afraid that Itachi would walk away to ensure his own safety, he'd hoped that Itachi would swoop in and save him. When his Niisan had found him bound in the room, Sasuke had immediately asked him what was going on, if he had killed the guards…

He restlessly turned to the other side, twisting up his blanket in the process.

It had turned out that there had been no one there that Itachi could attack, no one he could win against. They were all safely out of reach, so that the dangerous ninja wouldn't kill them before their plan could be set into motion. Itachi was not to kill the men that would be sent, it was all in the letter that had been taped to the door. He was not to try to free Sasuke. When he tried to, Sasuke's senses were suddenly swamped with pain so bad he'd screamed.

He'd had no idea what had happened at the time, the pain was overwhelming, but he remembered their warning and mumbled something about following the instructions in the letter, and the threat to his, Sasuke's, life if Itachi didn't. Itachi had let off and thank God, the pain receded. Sasuke had felt weak from the onslaught of the searing fire that ran through him and only the chains were keeping him seated upright as Itachi read about how Sasuke would suffocate under extreme pain if he didn't follow the written instructions.

He fisted the blanket, tearing at it, holding it close. The memories were still too much.

Itachi had held Sasuke's face, lips a thin line, eyes swirling, and Sasuke's fear had spiked even more, he'd felt Itachi's chakra, breathing suddenly spiked pain, and made him stop at once. He recalled their warning? Order? He had no time to figure it out. Soon his insides started to burn, but it wasn't as bad as that pain yet, so he kept at it. But eventually his body's instincts took over, forcing him to draw a breath and subsequently spiking the white fire, control fading into torturing gasps. It got worse the longer he fought to get his breathing back under control.

Itachi hadn't moved, only stared at him with his mangekyo, making Sasuke fear for his life even more. But then, probably realizing that this was serious, Itachi suddenly let go and quickly grabbed the collar that was laying in front of Sasuke.

He'd wrapped it around his neck and secured it in a matter of seconds. After that he'd grabbed the foot shackles and finally the handcuffs, wrapping those around the bedpost, kneeling down in front of it.

As soon as Itachi had settled, the pain waned at once, allowing Sasuke's breath to finally even out. Itachi was looking up to him, whispering soothing words as they waited for their captors to arrive. They had conversed quietly until two men had come and the punishing pain laced once more over his skin and through his insides. Sasuke, at that point, had still firmly believed that Itachi would have a trump up his sleeve somewhere.

Sasuke suppressed tears from welling in his eyes. It hurt, but the images just kept going.

Itachi hadn't fought the sealing. Hadn't fought when they'd made him strip, both to remove weapons, and to expose the skin on his torso, nor when the seals were applied to the skin of his back and arm. Sasuke had witnessed fresh blood being dropped onto the seals from a vial. They also poked Itachi and used his blood, too. Both seals glowed for a moment before one faded to nothing. They were warned to cooperate before their restraints were loosened and hands rebound to the front. The collar stayed on. Sasuke was too shaken to fight, Itachi didn't risk it.

They'd been loaded onto a carriage at night when the streets were empty. The third man, their slaver, had come too and they'd quickly realized that the seal prevented them from any thought of attack and killing move against him, it had knocked out Itachi only once to understand. They were told not to fight or attack his helpers once more and the memory of the pain of refusing was strong enough to keep Sasuke from trying. Itachi, in the meanwhile, seemed to bide his time, telling Sasuke to save his strength.

He clutched his blanket closer.

Itachi had spent a lot of time whispering soothing words and reassurances. He'd lifted his bound arms around Sasuke and held him tight. That time together had been way too short however, as Sasuke hadn't even thought as far as considering that they'd be separated.

Their time in the carriage had been their last. Itachi hadn't even made it to the slave house in the end. They had travelled for maybe a day, then pulled up to some villa and Itachi had been pulled away. Itachi had begged, he'd begged them for time to say goodbye. They'd given him a minute.

Once it was up, he'd been sold. Just like that.

Sasuke still remembered the words Itachi had said, they stood out so much more clearly than their variations from the ride in the carriage.

"Otouto, please be careful! Please, you need to stay alive. I'll figure out a way to get out. I will come. I'll find a way."

Even as they had pulled him away, Itachi had kept eye contact, his eyes red and the genjutsu sending over reassurance.

His memories took him farther, to his first time in a slave house, discovering Itachi's gift of protection, the trigger-genjutsu, being sold, brought back, resold. It felt like an endless cycle, unescapable, even as he felt the bed below him and knew that in reality it had been interrupted… for now.

00200

He must have nodded off at some point, because it was morning by the time he woke up. He was supposed to meet up with Sai for training.

Sai wasn't mad at him for being late, and Sasuke felt a lot calmer, so they got a good bit of training in, eating the food each of them had brought before continuing. When Sasuke returned to the apartment mid afternoon, he immediately saw the sandals indicating that the others had returned from their mission and rushed in to verify.

Sakura was sitting at the table in the kitchen, looking at him aghast. She looked like she'd gotten out of battle and then traveled for days without showering. Scratches, bloodstains and dirt, tangled hair and rings under her eyes made clear that she was just about ready to drop.

"Uh, do you…" he was cut off by a snarl.

"Your snide is absolutely the last thing I need now. Leave me alone."

He'd actually taken a step back, unprepared for such an outburst, but quickly coming to the conclusion that he'd better make a wide breach around her until she at least got some sleep.

And now that they were back (finally), he needed to do the groceries so they'd have enough food for three.

He quickly checked their room to see Naruto passed out on his bed, luckily freshly showered. He decided to do the shopping now.

When he got back, Sakura had left the kitchen and presumably was in her room. He decided to cook and put meals in the fridge for later, then checked to see if the others had disposed of the dirty clothes in the laundry basket. Sakura had, Naruto hadn't, but Sasuke could track down those clothes easily enough in their shared bedroom. It didn't distract for long either.

At least they were alive, and seemed relatively unharmed.

He needed to remind himself that he shouldn't be pissed at Sakura for her reaction, and the fact that she hadn't contacted him. He knew that there was no trust left between them, but now that he had decided to really earn his place, it was more than frustrating. She wouldn't acknowledge steps of trust as such on his side. He knew he had to make sacrifices, but that didn't mean he was comfortable with it.

He was restless, even more so now that the two were back home and sleeping. They were right there and he wanted to know what had happened, if they had met his brother, though… there were contradictory thoughts on how they could still be alive and that Itachi would give Sasuke a chance, wouldn't he? The racing thoughts eventually drove him out of the house and back to training.

Sai searched him out two hours later and told him that their mission had been put on hold due to lack of negative results, which was good, and that Sai had been assigned a solo mission instead. In Sasuke's mind, there was a hint of annoyance first, a hint of feeling like a failure, but if he was honest, he was also kind of glad not to have to do the stupid mission any longer and focus instead on what was important right now.

He returned at 9pm, sweaty and tired. Naruto was still out. Sakura was eating in the kitchen. Sasuke took one look at her and kept quiet. He just pulled out another box of food from the fridge and dug in.

"So, you're ignoring me now?"

"You told me to leave you alone."

They glared at each other and Sakura left as soon as she was done eating.

00300

Naruto woke to the noise of someone getting up. Oh right, he was back, he remembered getting into the room after a shower, he hadn't seen Sasuke yet.

"Hey! Sorry we didn't get to talk when we got back."

"It's fine." Sasuke had stopped by the door and it ran through Naruto's head that he should warn him.

"Don't do things to piss Sakura off, please?" he said. "She just lost someone. And Kakashi is still in the hospital, so just take it easy with her, alright?"

"Hn."

When Naruto didn't continue, Sasuke opened the door and left. Naruto fully sat up. Should he tell him? About his brother, the illusion, the talk they had within it?

The man hadn't had any paint on his face there, he hadn't hidden who he was. The line of questioning had been as if Sasuke's brother expected Sasuke to attack the Leaf Village at some point. He'd even asked Naruto how far he'd go to protect Konoha. He'd seemed so amused at Naruto's naivety, but Naruto had had this discussion with Jiraiya before, and he was not backing down from his own beliefs. At least the brother had seemed equally pleased as he had seemed amused when Naruto had stated that he'd do everything to protect Konoha without killing Sasuke.

The conversation had gotten even weirder after that, and Naruto couldn't stop thinking about it and wonder what it had meant: Frankly, swallowing a bird was just awful, and what was this about sharing power and hoping Naruto would never have to use it? How would swallowing a whole crow help anyone, what the hell…

And before they had departed and the genjutsu had been broken, the other had claimed to have other matters to attend to.

Good god, it had felt so real. And despite Sasuke's warning, he'd fallen right into the trap… Though to his defence, how could he have known that the man would paint himself in black and white? There was just no way he could have known.

It had been an illusion. Even still, he felt disbelief on that. Everything had seemed so real, down to that friggin crow and its feathers in his mouth.

Then he'd been back with the others, breathing heavily and seeing Kakashi face-off that man and not gaining ground. He'd acted quickly. Helping Kakashi and just a few minutes later, he saw the very same man crumble. A few cautious moments later, he'd been declared dead by Sakura.

What was he supposed to say to Sasuke? It felt wrong, it felt (un)necessary. His instincts were screaming at him that he was missing something.

Relief at them being there had been written in Sasuke's face at seeing them returned and awake. And Naruto had realized that the other's had had no clue on whom they had fought. if Naruto didn't tell, no one would. They didn't know, either.

Was it right to keep this from him? Was it wise? It was just… something told him to wait and Naruto had learned to trust his gut instincts. Didn't mean it was easy though.

00400

Sakura sat at Kakashi's bedside. She'd been here for hours and all she could think about was that victory seemed so empty when your comrades died. Chiyo was dead. Kakashi had yet to wake up.

She knew that this was mainly because of overuse of his Sharingan, but it worried her even so. Naruto came eventually and took her place watching over Kakashi. He sent her home with the order to eat something and train.

The fridge was filled with bento boxes and she grudgingly took one. Tatakai didn't seem to be there and she found herself glad for the quiet peace of loneliness. She however met him at their usual training ground where he was training together with Sai. Wordlessly, she jumped into battle, soon fighting against both of them.

Tatakai met her skill, the more lethal she attacked, the more close to lethal he'd retaliate. He worked well together with Sai. They had obviously been training together in their absence. They were using those hand signals again, they were subtle but Sakura was perceptive when angry. It took training not to get tunnel vision in such a state and she'd worked hard to get there.

They tried to talk her down, but she wasn't looking for conversation, she was looking for a fight, so she didn't listen. It got harder. She got tired. The two had been training for longer, but they hadn't been traveling for days.

At some point, they seemed to switch tactics. The transition was smooth, she only noticed after a while that they weren't trying to wear her down anymore, they seemed to be trying to capture her. She destroyed several ink-monsters before Tatakai closed in on her, trying to overpower her. He didn't try to use genjutsu, obviously having learned from the last time he tried to use it against her. Instead he was trying to drive her into a corner. He had ninja wire and he was making good use of it. He was faster, but she was strong.

She drove to kill, trusting them to dodge. Eventually she had both of them on defense. When they called for a break finally, she had immobilized Tatakai's right arm with a nearly fatal hit and still felt angry, still felt empty. She wordlessly healed him, then pushed her sweaty bangs out of her face and started stretching.

00500

Sasuke was worried. He'd hoped to be able to talk to Sakura soon, but they had eaten together, trained together and it was pretty clear that talking set her off no matter how carefully he approached it. She snapped at him for just looking at her. And honestly, Sasuke questioned the wisdom of trusting someone who seemed this out for blood with his secrets, with a way to control him. This was dangerous.

Sai seemed to agree, so he said nothing… for now.

The team took turns at Kakashi's bedside. Sai had gone there after training and while Sasuke took care of cooking at the apartment, Naruto was there which meant that it was Sakura's turn soon and Naruto would probably be alone at home with him.

Sasuke had learned from the last emergency calling they had received: postponing what he could do now just wouldn't do. He needed to confront Naruto as soon as he could.

He got Naruto alone that evening, but waited until they both were in their room.

"We need to talk." he said, while checking if his noise barrier seals were still working.

"Alright?" Naruto replied, calmly sitting down on his bed.

Sasuke sat down too, grabbing the book about the kyuubi and holding it out to Naruto. Naruto narrowed his eyes, looking up suspiciously.

"What's this?"

"Is this why my brother wants me to protect you?"

He saw Naruto's eyes narrow further. "How should I know what your brother wants?"

"You knew what the Akatsuki wanted."

Naruto clammed up, Sasuke saw it in the way he thinned his eyes.

"So? They're not gonna get it."

"How can you be so foolish?!"

"Hah, you're one to talk. You talk big on protecting me and all, but you're not willing to take the steps needed to actually be able do that."

"You're wrong! I'm… I'm trying… but Sakura's still mad at me, she's not giving me a chance to tell her anything."

"Give her a reason then."

"How? I can't even get two words out before she cuts me off."

"Your Name."

"No." Sasuke said without thinking.

"If you want her attention, that will do it. Come on, go talk to her!" Naruto grinned encouragingly, grabbing his arm and pulling him up. "but be gentle with her, alright." He turned his head, worry creeping onto his face. "She's slipping back into old habits, maybe you can get her out of it."

Sasuke turned away, unwilling to hear this. The Lady Hokage wanted that, too. But he didn't feel like he was capable of reaching her at all. And his name… most likely Sakura would just scream at him for disrespecting the dead. But what else could he do? He needed to get her to listen. Everything he was working for tied back to it. He just had to get her to listen somehow. But he couldn't use force, he needed her trust, not more resentment.

It crossed his mind that Naruto had expertly evaded answering him, but he knew figuring out how to approach Sakura had more importance rightnow.

Maybe Naruto was right. He knew she still remembered him from back then. Naruto must know that too. She had even described her impressions of him and Itachi. It was painful to think about that, but probably worth thinking about. If he could awaken her interest again, he might have a chance. He'd have to wait until he got her at home alone though, even if Naruto knew, he didn't want to do this with him present.

00600

Sakura opened the door to her apartment. She was tired and Kakashi still hadn't woken up, which filled her with worry and dread. She wanted nothing more than to go into her room and be alone, instead she dutifully went to the kitchen, barely admitting to herself that she was glad that she didn't have to do the cooking. She opened the fridge to pull out a bento, wanting to quench her hunger before anyone came to talk. Only when she sat down, she noticed the dark shape standing in front of the window, completely still. He wasn't looking at her, instead staring out of the window, tense, like he was waiting for something.

She sat down. She'd just ignore him, she thought, as she took her first bite.

"Uchiha Sasuke!"

She flinched. What-

"The boy you were in love with back in Academy days. That's his name, isn't it?"

Sakura actually shivered. How could he know? How… How dare he! He must have looked through her diary. With a surge of anger fueling her, she pushed herself up, stalking over to him. She was about to grab him when he spun around, grabbing her wrist instead. The grip was strong, but didn't hurt.

"Let me go!" she ordered, looking up to meet his eyes and reeling back when they were glowing red. He pointedly let her go and she stumbled back a step in an attempt to find balance.

"Who, what…?" A seed of doubt on her initial thought of privacy invasion rose, now that she was close enough to see each of the three black tomoe in the red iris. She struggled to find words and Tatakai was just watching her, without fear, gaze shrouded in a protective coldness with strands falling into his face. She was reminded of the warning that they had given her at the slave house. Only that this wasn't a daemon appearing, nor was it a brother. It was Tatakai himself.

His eyes, the description fit. She'd never seen one up close, but there wasn't much doubt at what it was, what it meant. But how could that be? There had been no survivors! Not even one!

His gaze was still upon her, cautious, careful, he gave her a moment to process things before he spoke again, voice gently probing:

"Are you ready to listen now?"

A/N: Hi there, it's been a while. A big thanks goes to fugitivus, Nackmu, and HailZuko89, you really kept me going, also thank you guest for your kind words, I hope you enjoyed the dialogue too in this chapter, I feel that it may have been a bit difficult to read with all the thoughts in between, but i just saw no other way to include all the layers. I hope it wasn't too confusing

The last year has been very turbulent for me, there was work life that was difficult, and then there was writers block. I had a lot of trouble feeling overwhelmed with how to achieve what I have planned in the future for this story. I did take a timeout and then developed better planning strategies, which includes extensive excel sheets with timelines and character slots. It helps a lot. Also, may be pitting characters against one another against their will, it will be a mess, you'll probably hate me.

Another reason for why this is late is because my beta was very busy, still is, hence, this chapter is proofread only partially by her. Any faults are mine, but I didn't want to wait any longer and put pressure on my beta to finish it when she's got so much going on in her life, so here we are. I hope you enjoyed this new chapter and I'd be very thankful to receive feedback.

-ystävä

PS: would anyone be interested in a discord server for this story?